A Christmas Kiss

FOUR

She should have known Hawke wouldn’t stay away long. The bodyguard he had left outside the house was male. She had noticed both during and after her release that it was a very rare occurrence for a male of either Breed or human persuasion to come around her.

She had female bodyguards. Her doctor was female. Her visitors, namely the alpha’s mate, Hope, or his second-in-command’s wife, Faith. Occasionally, Charity Chance visited, but since the birth of her and Aiden’s son, she hadn’t been by.

She watched the Range Rover pull into the small grav eled driveway in front of the cabin she had been given, and Hawke stepped out. As arrogant as any man could be, as handsome as sin, he stood beneath the falling snow like a force of nature daring the elements to come after him.

Daring anyone to come after him or to oppose him.

He was an integral part of Haven’s security team. He had been an advisor and security leader in the security and communications station where she had worked a little more than a year ago. He had been firm and honest, but he hadn’t always been easy to work with. He didn’t suffer fools easily, and he didn’t think twice about physically throwing out anyone not performing up to standards.

Did he still oversee security there? she wondered. She realized she had no idea what he did now. She saw him driving through the compound often, stopping, talking to the security teams, directing them to different areas or joking with them. Though she realized she hadn’t seen a smile on his face since she had been released.

He had often smiled at her when she worked security for the Breeds. Cautious little half smiles, as though he hadn’t known how to express his amusement with her shy jokes or at her attempts to flirt with him.

God, she had so fallen in love with him, she realized. Those months she had spent working with him, sharing the quiet lunches in the small garden behind the security center, she had fallen irrevocably in love.

He hadn’t kissed her. He hadn’t touched her. He had been courteous, chivalrous. Something she had never known with anyone else. He was larger than life, and the wound she had inflicted on the fragile relationship they had been building had gone deep. In both of them.

She had known, even then, about mating heat. It was hard not to know when working so closely with the Breeds. And she had known the signs of it. It had been building between them. It would have taken no more than a kiss, perhaps a touch, and it would have flamed to life like a wildfire out of control, as Faith had described it.

Faith, Hope and Charity had been brutally honest with her about the mating heat. Despite the fact that she had been called a traitor, they hadn’t held back when she had questioned them about it.

As Hawke walked to her front door, she folded her arms over the thick sweater that covered her breasts and wondered about that. Why had they been so honest with her when she was suspected to be a traitor?

Of course, if she had been convicted of her crimes, it wasn’t as though the world would have had a chance to hear her side of the story. There would have been no lawyers, and no defense. Breed Law was brutally clear. The papers she had signed in agreeing to it had laid it out in succinct layman’s terms. She had agreed to an execution if she ever betrayed the Breeds. And she had signed it, knowing she would never willingly betray them.

She had learned that there was that one little factor though. Unwillingness. The drug her father had slipped into her system had given her little choice.

The front door opened with an air of arrogance and purpose that personified the man that stepped inside.

He carried a bag under one arm. Shifting it in his grip, he turned to close and lock the door.

Jessica cocked her head to the side. More gifts? He had sent her clothes, shoes, boots and coats since her release. During her captivity he had sent her food from her favorite fast-food restaurant, and soft outfits that had kept her warm in the sterile cell in which she had been confined.

He was always sending gifts. This was the first time he had brought any with him.

“We need to talk.”

Her brows lifted as he turned and walked into the kitchen after making the brusque statement.

She followed him anyway, despite the arrogance that had her hackles rising.

Stepping into the kitchen, she watched as he sat the bag on the kitchen table and pulled the contents free. A bag of regular coffee, a six-pack of soda, her favorite chocolate cookies and a small clear bottle of what appeared to be capsules, a drug of some sort.

“What exactly do we need to talk about?” She was almost salivating for that coffee. It was her favorite brand.

“These.” He sat the bottle of pills prominently in front of the enticing caffeine and chocolate-laced goodies.

Her brows lifted again. “And they are?”

“Hormonal treatments for mating heat,” he stated, his expression hard, almost forbidding, as he stared back at her with those odd, yellowish brown eyes. “They’re for the more uncomfortable symptoms. You also need to decide if you want to take the additional treatment to prevent pregnancy.” He pulled another bottle from his shirt pocket and sat it beside the first.

Jessica felt her heart rate increase. Suddenly, it was pounding against her chest, blood racing through her system and need beginning to burn in areas that she normally tried to ignore.

Between her thighs her clit became swollen and her juices began to dampen the folds of her sex. She could feel lust pouring into her system and emotions she didn’t want to face tearing through her mind.

“Have it all figured out, don’t you?” she whispered as she stared back at him. “Whether I want this or not, it’s going to happen?”

He breathed in slowly, deeply. “You’re my mate, Jessica. We both know what that means. I’ve tried to stay away from you. I’ve tried to wait until the time was right to court you, to give you a chance to accept what it means.”

“Time?” She gave a hard, bitter laugh. “I was jailed, Hawke. You didn’t even visit. I’ve rarely seen you since my release. Perhaps you need to figure out exactly what it means to court a woman before you decide to do it.”

His jaw tightened, the muscle bunching almost violently as she watched him clench his teeth.

“I would have given us more time.” He seemed to push the words past his throat. “Before I began to court you, I wanted to ensure your protection, your safety. And your freedom.” He bit the last word out almost angrily. “I wanted you to choose me. I didn’t want to force the heat.”

“And that’s changed. Why?” She almost softened at the words, at the need she could see in his eyes and the fact that, unlike the circumstances of other mates, hers had tried to give her a choice, a chance to turn her back on it if it wasn’t what she wanted.

“Because I can’t find the man that’s been shadowing you since your release,” he revealed.

Jessica froze at the statement.

“What do you mean, shadowing me? How can anyone but a Breed shadow me, Hawke? Especially here in Haven?”

He glanced away for a long second, his lips tightening, before turning his gaze back to her. “Certain factions of the pure blood societies have found a drug that can disguise individual scent for a short period of time. Since your release, we’ve seen signs of a stalker. We can scent his weapons, the fact that he’s male, and his intent to kill. He’s managing to slip inside Haven and get past our security using this drug. And he’s after you.”

Fear knotted in her stomach. Turning away from him, she pushed her fingers through her unbound hair before pacing to the window and staring out into the snow that seemed to fall harder now, faster.

“To kill me,” she stated softly. “Because I was able to save the mates that they would have killed during that attack.”

The attack for which she had given vital information that aided in it’s coordination.

“That’s what we’ve learned,” he said softly. “Your father had given the orders before his death that once you were released, you were to be killed.”

“I betrayed him.” She smiled bitterly as she turned back to him. “Father never looked kindly on someone who turned his back on what he wanted.”

“There are still several key members who weren’t identified before your release. Most of the members of that group were at the party where the Breeds were attacked, but certain players weren’t there. We’ve been trying to learn their identities, but so far we haven’t managed to do so.”

Jessica nodded slowly. The Breeds had brought pictures to her just before her release, asking her to identify men that she knew her father associated with. She had been asked to name anyone who hadn’t been in those pictures. The Breeds had been thorough. She recognized all of her father’s friends in those pictures, as well as a few that she hadn’t known.

“What does all this have to do with mating heat?” She glanced at the bottles of pills again.

“You’re my mate.” His voice was suddenly guttural, a primal growl that had every nerve ending in her body suddenly violently sensitive and aware of the man standing in front of her. “I’ve waited fifteen months, Jessica. I wanted to court you. I wanted this to be your choice, to be what you needed, not just what I ached for. But the danger is escalating now, and I refuse to take chances with your life.” His fists clenched at his sides as his eyes seemed to glow with hunger. “I won’t let you die. I won’t let you be harmed.” He moved to her, a slow, steady, stalking movement that made her mouth dry and her lips part in anticipation.

Hard male hands clasped her upper arms as she stared up at him, mesmerized by the man and the intensity of his gaze.

“I protect what’s mine.” His eyes moved over her face, paused at her lips, before moving up and locking with her gaze. “You’re mine, Jessica. You’ve been mine since the day I saw you. I can’t help the animal inside me that claims you. I can’t stop the need to protect you. And I would give my life to ensure that you had the time and the freedom to make this choice on your own. But I’ll be with you now, day in and day out. I will protect you. And holding back the hunger that will draw us closer will be impossible.”

Which was why he had brought her the hormones as well as the goodies. The new hormonal treatments had given the female mates the freedom to enjoy their treats without the adverse affects that came with them. Caffeine and chocolate were known to make the symptoms of mating heat worse. The arousal, the need to mate, to touch, kiss and stroke, were nearly impossible to deny as it was. It could become painful. Jessica knew that the need for sex could become agonizing if a female was parted from her mate, unable to feel his touch, take his sex, or know his body.

She inhaled, almost shuddering, as she fought to breathe through those realizations.

“And if I don’t want this mating?” she asked him.

His hands rubbed down her arms, then back up again.

“Then you’d be lying to both of us,” he said softly. “There’s anger in you, and I don’t blame you for that anger. But there’s need, Jess, and there’s emotion. If you hadn’t been confined for a year, you would have come to my arms. We both know that.”

“But I was confined, Hawke.” She moved away, rubbing at her upper arms as she glanced back at him before turning and facing him directly. “You stayed away from me. You never came to me.”

“I would have mated you.” The words were ripped from him. “I would have taken you, Jess. We needed time to prove your innocence. I knew you would never willingly betray us. I had to prove it.”

Surprise filtered through the arousal, surprise that she couldn’t ignore.

“You were trying to prove my innocence?” She frowned. “But, Hawke, I wasn’t innocent. We both know that.”

She had betrayed the Breeds. She had nearly gotten Hope, Faith and Charity killed. She had been responsible for an attack on Haven that could have killed so many of them.

“You were innocent,” he stated, his voice filled with determination. “Jessica, whatever happened, you were not a willing party. We have proof of it now. I knew it then.”

“Yet you never bothered to tell me that?” she asked with a small hint of mockery. “Wow, Hawke. What would it have taken? A note? A phone call? You could have said that and still given me a choice.” The arousal fueled the anger. Need versus pain, the knowledge she had been alone, that he hadn’t come to her, pouring through her. “You could have done something, damn you!” Her voice rose as the hurt overshadowed every other emotion.

“In doing it, I would have risked the very investigation I instigated to prove your innocence,” he fired back. And though his voice stayed low, calm, there was a power throbbing in it that gave her pause. “If I had done anything, it would have risked your life as well as the confidence our enemies had that you were going to die and take their secrets with them.”

“And because you think you had a good reason for what you were doing, then I should just lay down and accept this mating heat as though I have no other choice?” she parried angrily. “Excuse me, Hawke, but doesn’t that sound just a little arrogant, even for you?”

One heavy black brow arched over golden eyes in mocking disbelief as he stared back at her.

“Oh, yeah, how stupid of me to have forgotten Breed arrogance,” she snorted. “You guys just don’t understand limits at all, do you?”

His expression stilled at the comment. “The animal is too close to the surface sometimes, Jess.” He finally sighed. “My need to protect you, to hold you close to me, goes beyond anything you might understand at the moment.” He grimaced, the heavy canines at the sides of his mouth flashing, reminding her that he was indeed very close to his animal cousins. “You’re my mate. Everything inside me demands that I ensure our bond. I’m trying to be reasonable. I’m trying to be human about this, but it’s damned hard.”

He was trying to be human about it?

Jessica tipped her head and gazed up at him, suddenly curious at this compulsion that urged him to ensure that she belonged to him, no one else.

It was at once frightening and arousing. This man, so big and bold, so unique, wanted her. Just her. Once mating heat was started he could never have another woman. That mating instinct would keep him from even desiring another woman. He would belong to her and to her alone.

Had anyone or anything ever been just hers?

“Jessica.” His voice had a soft, mesmerizing quality as he moved closer to her, his big body shielding hers, sheltering it as he lifted his hand to run the backs of his fingers over her cheek.

The gesture was so gentle, so overwhelmingly tender, that she nearly lost her breath.

“I can’t leave your protection to others now,” he warned her, the brooding, tormented sound of his voice striking at her heart. “You’re too important to me. You mean too much to me. And the part of my soul that has claimed you trembles in fear at the thought of losing you.”

“Hawke.” She wanted to shake her head, to protest his claim.

She didn’t know if she was ready for this. Didn’t know if she could handle the mating heat as well as the sudden threat against her life.

“I’ll be with you, day in and day out,” he told her as she stared back at him, silent, confused. “I’ll guard you with my life, Jessica, but you know as well as I do that the arousal burning between us won’t ease. It’s not a product simply of the mating heat; it’s a product of what we both wanted before we ever knew that was a factor. We belong to each other.”

We belong to each other. Her lips parted as she fought to find a way to deny it and couldn’t. Before she had betrayed the Breeds, before she had been confined, she had dreamed of the mating heat. She had dreamed of belonging to him.

Before the betrayal. Before she had lost herself in her father’s relentless quest to destroy Haven and everyone who lived there.

“This won’t work,” she whispered, though she couldn’t keep from leaning into his touch for just a moment. “It won’t work, Hawke.”

She had to force herself away from him. It was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. When several feet separated them she turned back to him, miserable with the awareness of exactly what she was turning her back on.

“If something happens to me, you’ll be alone.” She swallowed tightly at the thought. “You won’t find another mate. You won’t have the comfort of another woman.”

“Don’t, Jessica . . .”

“You’ll be alone,” she cried out furiously. “I know what alone is like, Hawke. I know how empty and bleak it can be and I don’t want that for you.”

Endless nights curled on the cot she had slept in. Months of agony, dreaming, wishing, crying for someone she couldn’t have.

“That won’t happen,” he gritted out, determination marking his face now.

“You can’t be sure of that.” She stepped back as he paced closer. “I won’t risk it. Not now. Not until we have a chance to clear things between us. Until we know if there’s even a future.”

“Oh, there’s definitely a future.”

Before she could evade him she was pressed against the side of the refrigerator, his body so warm, so inviting, touching hers. Heat seemed to surround her, to sink into her.

Pressing her hands against his chest, a breath lodged in her throat as she stared up into his dominant, hungry features.

“There’s a future, Jess.” One hand slid into her hair, the other gripped her hip. “And it starts now.”