A Convenient Wedding

CHAPTER TWELVE

SO OFTEN in dreams Meryl had opened her door to find Jarvis standing there that when the unfamiliar knock had come she’d gone flying to the door, pulling it open without using the security speaker, ready to say it was all a mistake, that if he was sorry, so was she.

But outside there had been only a stranger, surrounded by boxes and trunks. Jarvis had sent all her possessions from Larne. She never opened her door spontaneously again.

She had slammed the phone down on him in a moment of anger, but, despite her misery, after that one moment of hope she had no regrets. There was no way back. She’d played and lost, and nothing but grief could come of clinging to false dreams.

As day had followed dreary, desperate day, she’d worked at being strong-minded. She was now in the position she’d plotted and schemed for, her money in her own hands, a husband who’d vanished back whence he came, and the world before her. This was what she’d wanted. She told herself that.

Plus she’d made life better for people she cared about. But it seemed she hadn’t made it better for Jarvis. She might have drawn him out to share the sunshine with her, but she hadn’t. He would grow older, and then old, just as he was. He would marry Sarah. At that thought she’d almost jumped on the first plane back to him, but she had forced herself to do nothing. He’d chosen his path. He didn’t want her.

And at that thought she too had managed to harden her heart a little. It seemed he couldn’t learn from her, but she had learned wariness from him.

Benedict’s show had been a riotous success. Soon it would be time to take it to Paris, and Meryl decided to go, too. It was a while since she’d seen Paris. She resisted the thought that she needed something to do.

She was awoken early one morning by the doorbell ringing hard and continuously. Pulling on a wrap, she approached cautiously and switched on the speaker.

‘Who is it?’

‘Jarvis.’

She couldn’t move. Wild thoughts raced through her head, but then he said quietly, ‘Please, Meryl, let me in.’ And she opened it at once.

He looked so ill, she thought. So changed.

His pallor had a grey tinge and he looked drained by weariness and strain, but that wasn’t the change. What really altered him was the hesitancy in his eyes, as though all his confidence had fled.

She stood back for him to pass her, trying not to feel anything. Jarvis was right about that. It was better to stay safe. But she couldn’t stop her heart aching for him.

He seemed to be having trouble speaking. Whatever he wanted to say, it wasn’t easy. But when had he ever found anything easy?

‘You look as if you’ve had a bad journey,’ she said, giving him time. ‘I’ll get you some coffee.’

While the coffee perked she returned to her room and returned in trousers and sweater. She served the coffee on a low table by the couch and glanced around for him. He was looking at a niche where the bags he’d sent after her were standing. She’d dumped them there and never had the heart to touch them.

He turned to her and his look made her heart miss a beat. His eyes were defenceless, as never before.

‘I came to say I’m sorry.’

Throw yourself into his arms, said her heart. But-

No, said hard learned caution. Why this all of a sudden?

‘Why?’ Just the one word was all she could manage.

‘I learned the truth. Steen’s collection was on television, plus something about his wife, and how you brought them together.’

‘I see.’ The faint flickering hope died. Jarvis was a conscientious man where facts were concerned.

‘I should have trusted you. In my heart I always knew I could.’

‘No, you didn’t,’ she said with a sad smile. ‘You say that now when it’s easy-I’m sorry-’ he’d winced ‘-I didn’t mean that unkindly, it’s just that-’

‘I know. It’s easy when you have the facts. It’s when you don’t have them that you need blind faith and trust. And I didn’t come through for you, did I?’

‘Jarvis, please-it doesn’t matter. I’m glad you know the truth. It was nice of you to come all this way to tell me yourself.’

‘I had another reason. There’s something you have to know. It’ll be in the newspapers soon, but I wanted to be the one to tell you. You’re the only person who’ll really understand.’

She returned to the sofa and indicated for him to sit in a facing chair while she poured the coffee. ‘What’s happened?’

‘The workmen came across something in that passage that links your room to mine. You mentioned one day that it seemed oddly narrow, and you were right. There’s a false wall, with a tiny room behind it. You’ll scarcely believe what we found there.’

‘What?’

‘Marguerite.’

Meryl stared. ‘But-she ran away.’

‘That’s what we thought, because she vanished suddenly. So did the steward and her maid. But they were all there. They’ve been there for six hundred years. No-’ he said quickly when Meryl gave a little shudder, ‘oddly enough it wasn’t particularly unpleasant. After all this time they were little more than dust. The clothes lasted better. She was wearing the pearls she has on in her portrait.’

‘But how did it happen?’

‘It seems Giles wasn’t the grieving husband we all thought. He wanted her money all for himself, but he didn’t want to share with her. He murdered her, and the steward, and her maid, to make it look convincing. Then he walled them up, and spread the story of how she’d deserted him.

‘To make it convincing he put the Vendanne pearls in there as well, probably because it was the one place nobody could find them. He must have meant to retrieve them later, when the fuss had died down, but he died too soon and nobody knew they were there.’

‘Poor Marguerite,’ Meryl murmured.

‘Yes. Harry doesn’t think she was ever really in love with the steward at all. That was just a lie to explain her disappearance. She was probably faithful and devoted to her husband, but he just wanted to take, not give.’ There was a pause before Jarvis added, ‘I’m afraid that may be a characteristic of the Larnes.’

Meryl gave a wan smile. ‘That I should ever hear you being sentimental!’

‘It comes too close for comfort. I resented your generosity because I saw you as an interloper. I thought I was guarding my heritage from an invader, but actually I was just selfishly refusing to share. Everything you did, getting to know everyone, finding the outlet for the knitting, was all because you wanted to give and become part of us. And I rejected you because-’ he shuddered ‘-I think I was jealous. You took what I thought of as mine and made it yours, not with money, but by winning their love.’

‘You had nothing to be jealous of, Jarvis. I didn’t want to deprive you of anything. I fell in love with Larne from the first moment.’

‘Only with Larne?’

‘No,’ she said with a sigh. ‘I fell in love with you. But that’s old history now. I couldn’t really get through to you. We had our moments-’ she smiled as certain memories came back to her ‘-but you were always fighting me.’

‘I want to make amends.’

He spoke gently, and laid his hand on hers, almost pleading. But they weren’t the words she needed to hear.

‘Amends? That sounds like something out of the business relationship. Still, I guess that was all we really had, wasn’t it?’

He winced. ‘I only meant that I wanted to put things right between us.’

‘But what is “right”, where we’re concerned? We were all wrong from the start.’

‘But it could be different now. Do you remember I once said I couldn’t feel really married to you while I had nothing to give? I told you we found the jewels. Their value is incredible. If I’d had them before-’

‘You wouldn’t have needed me,’ Meryl broke in wryly.

‘That’s not what I’m trying to say.’

‘If you’d had them before, we’d never have met.’

‘Somehow we’d have met. We were meant to, and with the value of those jewels I could have looked you in the eye from the start.’

She searched his face, trying to find in it something she desperately needed.

‘Oh, Jarvis,’ she said sadly at last. ‘If you’d ever really loved me, you could have looked me in the eye at any time, money or no money. OK, you’re rich now, and you think that makes a difference. Shall I tell you something about rich men that’ll surprise you? They’re ten a penny. I’ve hardly known any other kind, and I don’t give that for them!’ She snapped her fingers.

‘You were different. You were worth more as a man. You weren’t sleek and superficial like the others. I wanted to give to you, not to control you, but to do something for you and know I’d made a difference for good in your life. And if you’d loved me just a little, you’d have known how to take from me without your pride being offended, and that would have been all I asked. But because you didn’t have any money-’ she put a world of loathing and contempt into the word ‘-you couldn’t value yourself and you couldn’t value me. And now you’ve got a pile of cash and you think it makes everything all right?’

He rose quickly, slamming one fist into the other hand. ‘I can’t follow you when you talk like this. I just thought that the barriers were down between us at last.’

‘Oh, yes. Benedict was a barrier, and money was a barrier, and now they’re both down. I see that.’

‘And it’s not enough?’

‘Of course it’s not enough. I wanted you to love me enough to surmount the barriers. Having them come down isn’t the same.’

‘I don’t know how to tell you how much I love you,’ he stammered. ‘I thought you’d know.’

‘Some things have to be said. But at the right time. For us the time will never be right.’

He took hold of her. ‘We can make it right,’ he said desperately, ‘if you’ll only come home with me.’

‘I can’t, it’s too late,’ she cried in anguish. ‘If you knew how much I wanted it to be my home, but you wouldn’t let me inside-not where it really matters.’

He groaned. ‘I know it’s my fault, but things have changed-’

‘Yes, things-not you. “Let invaders tremble.” You do make me tremble because I know I have to watch for the boiling oil.’ She touched his face. ‘It’ll always be there, in the back of my mind, if not yours. I’ll never be anything but an invader.’

‘I came to ask you for another chance,’ he said sombrely. ‘But how can I ask for your love? I haven’t done much to deserve it, have I?’

‘Jarvis, you don’t deserve love, or earn it. It just happens, and you have to learn how to take it.’

‘Come home and teach me,’ he pleaded.

She shook her head. ‘Once I thought I could, but that was in my arrogant days when I thought I could do anything, just because I was Meryl Winters. But you showed me that the money was all I had, and it wasn’t enough. Let’s do what you said, and leave it there. We were never meant to be.’

He had no way to persuade her. If she couldn’t find the words, how could he? He could only stand in silence as she slipped off his mother’s ring and handed it to him. After that there was nothing to do but leave.

For anything except designing Benedict was a disorganised man, and it took the combined efforts of his staff, his wife and Meryl to have everything ready for the departure to Paris a week later. Meryl was glad. It saved having to think.

They reached the airport in more than good time for the Paris flight. Meryl was surprised that Benedict and Amanda had insisted on setting out a clear hour before they needed to, but she went along with it. What did anything matter?

But when they’d stood in the check-in line for a few moments she suddenly said, ‘This is the wrong line. It’s not for Paris.’

‘This is the right line,’ Amanda insisted. ‘Your flight is leaving in an hour. Not Paris. Manchester, England. Nine p.m. Here’s your ticket.’

‘No-listen you two-I know you mean well, but-’

‘Meryl, shut up,’ Benedict said firmly. ‘This is pay-back time. What you did for us, we’re doing for you.’

‘But Jarvis and I can’t-’

‘Cut that. For the last week Amanda and I have listened to you talking nonsense about how you and Jarvis can’t live together, and enough is enough. You say he didn’t know how to take your love. Then teach him, you stupid woman. Even if it takes years. That’s your job so get stuck in and do it. All right, Jarvis isn’t very clever about feelings, but just now you’re not being very clever either.

‘He reached out to you. He was asking you to show him the way and understand the things he didn’t know how to say. And you bottled out! I used to think you had guts, Meryl, but you gave up when the going got tough. Fat lot of use to him you were!’

Her jaw dropped. She was speechless.

‘Everything in your life has come giftwrapped,’ Benedict added. ‘Well, this isn’t going to. You’ve worked hard so far, but that ain’t nothin’ to the hard work you’re going to have to put in on your marriage from now on. I know he’s not an easy man, but he put his pride aside for you. Now it’s your turn.

‘You’ll make it, as long as you don’t chicken out again.’

They’d reached the head of the line. Amanda plucked the ticket and passport from Meryl’s nerveless fingers and handed them over. A minute later they were escorting her to the boarding gate.

‘We’re going to stay here to make sure you don’t come out this way again,’ Amanda said.

‘There’s no need,’ Meryl said, her eyes shining. ‘Thank you, both of you, with all my heart.’

Everything now felt wonderfully familiar, including the dreadful weather that greeted her. With nothing but hand luggage Meryl got out of the airport fast and hailed a cab. It took three hours to make the drive, with rain lashing them all the way.

‘How are you going to get across?’ the driver asked as they neared Larne. ‘The water’s too high for me to drive over the causeway.’

‘Someone will take me in a boat,’ she said happily.

‘If you can get one. I think they’re all out looking for that bloke who’s missing.’

‘Who?’ she asked sharply.

‘Dunno. Some lord or other. Went out sailing last night and never came back.’

‘Dear God!’ she wept. ‘Jarvis.’

She pulled out her mobile and dialled Ferdy’s number. He answered in a curt voice that revealed his tension.

‘Ferdy what’s happened? Is it Jarvis?’

‘I’m afraid so. Everyone is looking for him. I’ve been out in my boat, but it’s too small for this job. I’ve hired a big motor boat.’

‘I’m coming, too,’ Meryl cried at once.

‘I’ll be by the causeway.’

He was there waiting for her, with a large white boat, built for strength and speed. He handed Meryl in quickly, and they were away.

She forced herself to speak calmly, although she felt like screaming. ‘Tell me everything.’

‘Jarvis has been spending a lot of time on his own recently. Riding or sailing that little yacht of his. He’s a good sailor, but this morning he went out early and a storm blew up. The coast guard was alerted and there’s been a fleet out looking for him.’

‘But after all this time-’ she almost screamed.

‘People have been found safe and well after much longer than this,’ he said, trying to sound confident.

‘But he must have been in the water for hours already, and it’s cold,’ she said in horror.

Ferdy didn’t answer. There was nothing he could say. He scanned the grey sea ahead as far as the horizon, but he could see with dread that the light was already failing.

They said when you went down for the third time you were finished, but Jarvis had gone down too often to count and still clawed his way gasping to the surface. He knew it was useless to fight. There was nothing but the stormy sea around him, and no help to be found anywhere.

It was his own fault. He’d been careless, functioning on automatic, manning the boat in body but not in spirit. His spirit had been wandering somewhere, seeking her, but she was never there. She’d vanished, as she’d always been bound to; he knew that now. And while he’d been following her in his heart his attention had wandered and he’d been surprised by the sudden sharp wind that cap-sized him.

He’d gone down deep, deep, but he’d fought his way back to the surface and managed to seize hold of the boat. Yet nothing he could do would right it, and he’d been forced to cling on, looking all about him, hoping to see another boat. There was nothing as far as the horizon, in any direction. By now it was raining hard, the wind was rising, and as the hours wore on he felt himself being swept further out to sea, and his hope faded.

The cold got to him, numbing him, making him dangerously sleepy. That was how he lost his grip on the boat. He made a wild grab but it was already a few inches away, then a few feet, and it was too late. He was on his own, the darkness gathering around him, and he was sinking again, using his fast failing strength to claw his way back up.

He knew that if he wasn’t found soon he wouldn’t survive the night. Every moment weakened him. Every descent felt like the last. The water roared in his ears, and when he came up again the storm blasted him. And now he knew he was hallucinating because the howl of the gale seemed to be forming his name.

‘Jarvis! Jarvis!’

The call came again and again. It was in his ears as he slipped beneath the waves for what he was sure was the last time. It reached him even under the water and made him fight his way up again, gasping and heaving. And now to the hallucination of sound was joined the hallucination of sight. For what else, but an illusion could be the woman appearing out of the storm, crying his name in terror?

‘Jarvis! Oh, God, Jarvis, please.’

She looked this way and that, throwing out her arms in a despairing gesture.

‘Jarvis-my love!’

How he managed to call back he never knew. His throat had been frozen into silence, but somehow now it became free enough to utter a choke. Faint as it was, she heard it above the scream of the storm, and called back.

At that moment the moon came out from behind a cloud, flooding the ocean with silver. Out of that silver sea came the woman, her long hair blown by the wind, her arms outstretched to him. In his desperate state he was no longer sure what was real and what fevered illusion. He knew only that if he could reach her, he was safe.

Their hands touched, then slipped apart and he was under again. Through the water he could hear her agonised cry, ‘No, no, no!’ He made one final, frantic effort and felt her fingers grasp his with painful force. He clung to her as she drew him out of the water that tried viciously to claw him back.

As he fell into the bottom of the boat he vaguely realised that there was a man there too, helping her to drag him to safety. But he saw only her, knowing that if he kept his eyes on her he would be safe. If she disappeared again…

‘Darling,’ she choked. ‘Hold me-I’ve got you.’

Cradled in her arms he murmured, ‘I thought you’d gone for ever.’

‘I’ll never go away again,’ she vowed.

‘As soon as we land I’m calling an ambulance,’ Ferdy shouted across to them.

‘No,’ Jarvis said at once. ‘No ambulance.’ He looked up at Meryl. ‘Just let me go home, with you.’

She nodded. She knew how much time must pass before they could be alone, but for now it was enough that they had found each other as never before.

She could be patient as they landed and hands reached out to help them ashore. Jarvis must be made dry and warm and put to bed. Ferdy must come in and be thanked and welcomed. But Ferdy soon told her, ‘Don’t worry about me. Just leave me the whisky and go to him.’

She gave him a brief kiss of gratitude and ran up to Jarvis’s room. He was lying in bed, pale and weak, his eyes fixed on the door through which she must come. He held out his arms to her at once. She went into them and they held each other in a long silent affirmation of faith and love.

‘I’m not afraid to die,’ he said huskily at last, ‘but to die without telling you what you are to me-that would be unendurable.’

‘Hush, my love-my love. Forgive me.’

‘There’s nothing for me to forgive,’ he said passionately.

‘I accused you of pride, but my pride was worse. I loved you, but I sent you away because loving you was too hard. But for me you wouldn’t have been out in that boat. If you’d died-’

‘No.’ He put his fingers over her mouth. ‘We’ll never think of that again. You came to me out of the storm once, and tonight you did it again. This is our new beginning.’

He pointed to the wall at the end of his bed, and she saw that the picture of the dogs had gone. In its place was the portrait of Marguerite.’

‘I put her there because she reminded me of you, when I thought I’d lost you.’

‘You’ll never lose me. I’ve come home to stay. Keep me in your heart, Jarvis. It’s the only home I’ll ever want.’

Instead of answering with words he reached into his bedside drawer and took out the ring he’d given her, and which she’d returned in pride and bitterness. Jarvis slipped the diamond back into place. Then he pressed her hand to his lips.

‘Never remove it again,’ he whispered.

‘I never will.’

‘I’ve something else to show you.’

He reached into the drawer again, this time producing a flat box. Inside were the most fabulous pearls Meryl had ever seen. Slowly Jarvis lifted them so that they shone in the light, revealing that they were large, perfectly matched, and of a faint pinkish hue.

‘I’ve never seen anything so lovely,’ she breathed. Then a terrible thought came to her. ‘Jarvis, what are they worth?’

‘Enough,’ he said, understanding her at once. ‘Enough to pay off every debt I ever had, but that’s nothing. In New York you said rich men were ten a penny, and you were happier when I was poor and you could give to me. I don’t entirely understand that-when did I ever understand you? When will I ever? But say the word and I’ll toss them into the fire.’

‘You would do that for me?’ she asked in wonder.

‘I would do anything for you,’ he said. And she saw real intent in his eyes.

‘No,’ she put her hand on his quickly. ‘There’s a better way.’

He nodded. ‘That’s what I thought, too.’

Gently he draped the pearls around her neck.

‘Now they’re yours, and I’m a poor man again,’ he said contentedly. Then a change came over him and he took her face gently between his hands. ‘And yet I’ll never be poor. I didn’t know-I never understood-’

‘Nor did I. Not really. But now we have everything. There’s nothing else but this, nothing that matters.’

‘Hold me,’ he said suddenly. ‘I don’t feel safe without you.’

She lay down beside him on the bed, clasping him to her heart. ‘Do you feel safe now?’ she whispered.

‘Always, as long as I’m in your heart. You came just in time to save me.’

‘Yes, a few more minutes-’ She shuddered.

‘I don’t mean the sea. I mean what I would have turned into if you hadn’t come here that night.’

‘Or what I might have turned into,’ she said, trying to prevent his mood growing too dark. That too would be her task in years ahead. ‘When I arrived here I was almost as bad as you thought I was. You saved me, too.’

But he wouldn’t allow that. For his fierce, uncompromising nature there was no middle way. As he had been hard in his resistance, he would be firm in his love and fidelity. He’d seen her as an enemy. Now, in his eyes, she was perfect. And that was how it would always be.