A Girl's Guide to Vampires

Chapter Seventeen

"Where's your gun?" I asked, stepping out of the claustrophobic shower so tiny I wondered how Raphael fit into it.

He was dressed, sitting on the bed pulling his boots on, having washed off all our cherry fun. He looked up as I toweled myself dry and reached for my clothes.

"My gun?"

"Yeah. You know, the one you pulled on us when we did our breaking and entering the other day. The big one."

"Why do you want to know?"

I unzipped my dress, stepped into it, and turned so he could zip me up. "Idle curiosity. I thought maybe since you were in charge of security you'd be wearing it, but you haven't, and it's not under your pillow, so I was just wondering what you did with it."

His hands were warm on my back as he pulled the zipper up; then he turned me around and looked at me for a minute with those amber eyes that could melt my knees. With a sigh, he bent down and reached under his bed, pulling out a small black metal box.

"Oh, it's in there?"

"Yes."

"Ah."

He pushed the box back under the bed, then grabbed my hips and pulled me onto his lap. "Joy, about what you said earlier—"

"Oh, my apology? Yeah, I know I still owe it to you."

"No, about—"

I put my hand across his mouth. "Let me do this with style, will you? I really am sorry for what I said, Raphael. You're entitled to your privacy, and if you don't feel like you can trust me with something in your past, that's fine. It hurts me, but I'll live. I just want you to know that, despite the pain I feel because I know I'm not as important to you as you are to me, I will still be here for you. I love you, and that means I'm stuck with you no matter how badly you treat me."

I pulled my hand from his mouth and smiled at him, pleased I had gotten my groveling out of the way.

There was a decidedly disgruntled look on his handsome face. "That was an apology?"

"Sure was."

"Ah. Perhaps it is the latest rage in apologies—one that backhands the person you're apologizing to."

I nudged him on the shoulder. "Stop being so argumentative. You're supposed to accept it and tell me you love me and worship me and you'll never, ever keep anything from me again."

"I'm supposed to do that, am I?"

"Yes, you are."

He tipped me over onto my back and loomed over me. I smiled and looped my hands around his neck.

"And you came all this way just to apologize to me?"

He started nibbling on my neck, his hot breath starting familiar fires that had just been put out.

"Well, not just for that. Roxy and I had to talk to Dominic."

"Why?" he asked, his hands sliding up my dress to massage my breasts.

I squirmed and lifted my jaw to give him better access to all the sensitive neck spots, my hands tracing out the muscles in his back. "Roxy set it up. Dominic had something to tell us."

"Something about what?" His tongue curled around the outer edges of my ear, his uneven breath doing more to me than the hot touch of his mouth.

"Something to help us. Oh, God, Raphael, you can't do this again, we just got cleaned up!"

"Something to help you what?" he asked, sucking my earlobe into his mouth as he gently squeezed my breasts.

I nuzzled his cheek and tried to remember what I wasn't supposed to tell him. "We're trying to find out who killed Tanya."

He froze for a moment, then released my ear to look into my eyes. "Why?"

I traced my fingers across his silky eyebrows. "Because you're a suspect. So am I, although I don't think Inspector Bartos was serious about that. I hope he wasn't serious. But you… he doesn't seem very happy about you. And, Raphael, say what I will about you being pigheaded and stubborn, you're everything to me. I can't lose you. I won't let him take you from me. So if Roxy and I have to do a little detective work to prove you're innocent, we will."

He kissed me, hot and demanding. "You're the most amazing woman. I've never known anyone as giving as you." I opened my mouth to tell him that was the sort of thing I wanted to hear, but he silenced me with another hot kiss. "Regardless, I can't let you do this. I appreciate that you want to help me, but you don't have anything to worry about."

"But Inspector Bartos—"

"Leave the detecting to the police, Joy."

I pushed him back so I could sit up. "Look, I have enough on my plate right now, what with having to deal with Christian, I do not need you locked up in jail on a trumped up murder charge simply because I didn't make the effort to prove you're innocent."

He took hold of the back of my dress and kept me from getting off the bed. "You don't have to prove I'm innocent; the police know I am. What do you mean, you have to deal with Christian?"

I gave him a look of sheer disbelief. "Oh, sure, the police know you're innocent. That's why you're heading up their suspect list."

"What has Christian done? Why do you have to deal with him?"

"I don't want to talk about Christian, I want to talk about saving you, you arrogant, maddening man! Why I want to save your annoying, if extremely dishy, hide, I don't know, but I mean to, so you can just stop being all macho and ordering me around and—"

"Joy." He took my face in his hands and leveled a look at me that shriveled the words up on my lips. "You will not investigate this murder any further. The man who killed Tanya has not been apprehended, and until he is, you are not safe. Do you understand me?"

"Of course I understand you—you're being possessive and dominating—"

Raphael rolled his eyes, muttered something that sounded like an oath, and pulled me forward, his kiss hot enough to take the curl right out of my hair. "I'm telling you I love you, you foolish woman."

"You are?" I asked, breathless from the power of his kiss.

His eyes were things of beauty, gems of the brightest quality, clear and translucent and filled with love. Somehow his declaration took the sting out of his bossiness.

"I am. I love you and worship you, and after this is over, I'll never keep anything from you."

It was exactly what I wanted to hear, what I needed to hear. He was acknowledging my concerns and fears, and promised to answer all my questions… after it was over? I stopped him just a hairsbreadth from my lips. "What do you mean, after this is over? Raphael, you could be in jail then!"

His fingers curled into my hair, teasing my nape. "Baby, I won't go to jail."

"What's to keep you out this time?"

I regretted the words as soon as they left my lips. His fingers stop stroking my neck.

"This time?" His gaze held mine. I stared at him, my heart tearing into a thousand pieces at the flicker of pain in his eyes, a layer of ice settling around me as he pushed me off his lap and cocked an eyebrow at me. "I see. That's the information you wanted from Dominic. Do you mind my asking how you expect to use what Dominic told you to prove who the murderer is?"

"That wasn't exactly the purpose of our meeting with him," I said miserably, tears starting at the back of my eyes. "I'm sorry, Raphael. I'm very sorry and ashamed of myself. I don't like poking into your past, I just want to help you. I want to keep you safe, and since you won't tell me what it is you are keeping from me, I thought if I knew, I'd be able to do whatever it takes to keep Inspector Bartos away from you."

He watched for a moment as tears streaked down my cheeks, then wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest. I buried my face in his neck and watered his shirt. "Baby, I wish I could tell you everything," he said, his lips in my hair. "I wish I could, but it's not possible yet. You have to trust me just a little bit longer."

"I do trust you; it's you who doesn't trust me," I pointed out, sniffing and wiping the dampness of my tears off his neck.

He didn't say anything to that, just thumbed the tears off my cheeks and looked at me with eyes dark with longing, regret, and pain.

"What is the problem you're having with Christian?" he asked.

"You're changing the subject."

"I know I am. What is the problem you're having with Christian?"

"This hasn't resolved anything. Even if Roxy and I don't go after the murderer, I'll still be worried about you, and will continue to worry until Bartos has someone other than you under lock and key."

"If it will make you feel better, Joy, I will swear to you that he won't arrest me for Tanya's murder."

"How can you swear that?"

His eyes went darker.

I looked into them and saw the answer for myself. He was still keeping things from me, still hiding secrets that he wouldn't share, but that was no longer the issue it had been earlier. He loved me. I had to trust that in time, he would tell me everything.

"I should be going. I've got a lot to do, and I imagine you do as well." I got up from the bed and gathered my coat and purse.

He stopped me. "What is the problem with Christian?"

I thought about not telling him, but decided he would be safer knowing the truth. "Nothing's the problem with him, unless you count a nine-hundred-year-old vampire as a problem, unless you find the fact that your mind and body and soul can be invaded by him with the merest thought of his mind a problem. Problem? I don't know—is it a problem to have an immortal man with limitless power thinking you're the sole person in the entire history of time who can save him from eternal damnation?"

"Vampire?" Raphael couldn't have looked more surprised than if I'd stripped off all my clothes and stood on my head. "You don't mean to tell me that you actually believe he's one of those creatures he writes about?"

"Oh, I don't just believe it, buster, I know."

Disbelief was rampant in his eyes.

"Don't you give me that look," I warned, pointing my finger at him. "Don't you give me that 'She's mad, I'll humor her because I'm a manly sort of man and she's my woman and thus I must put up with all of her foolishness and pretend it's not foolish at all even though inside I'm laughing so hard I could break my spleen' look! I am not mad, and I'm not imagining it."

"Joy," he sighed, taking my hands in his. I tried to take them back, but he was too strong. "I know you're upset about this murder and the fact that I've got a job to do—"

"What job?" I interrupted him, suspicious. "You mean something other than just your security work? Do you have another job? A secret job? Something else you aren't telling me?"

"—and I know you and Roxy are enamored with Christian because he writes books you enjoy, but, no matter what he tells you, there is no such thing as a vampire."

I turned my hands so I could pinch his wrists. "I used to think that too. I thought Roxy was nuts for wanting to come here, but then the visions started, and then he started making midnight visits to me in bed—"

"WHAT?"

"—and I have to tell you, being seduced long distance by someone's mind goes a long way into making a believer out of you."

Raphael stared at me for a minute, as though seeking the truth in my eyes, then let go of my hands so he could rub his jaw. "Joy, I don't know what you've experienced, but I do know it can't be real."

"It is real, Raphael. I didn't know it was him at first—I thought it might be Milos or someone—but then Christian admitted it when we were in his dungeon. Roxy heard him."

"He's bamming you, love."

"No, he's not. I know what I felt! He invaded my mind. He touched me, physically, only he wasn't in the same room."

Raphael's frown deepened. "Touched you how?"

I held his gaze. "As a lover might."

The muscles in his jaw flexed. "He's drugged you. He's drugged you with something to make you see visions and believe he has supernatural powers."

"Oh, God, Raphael, he hasn't drugged me—"

"Baby, there's nothing you can say to make me believe that anyone is a vampire, least of all Christian. A parasite, a psychotic madman bent on seducing you, a poor fool who's deluded himself into believing his stories are real, yes, he's all that, but not a real vampire. They just… don't… exist."

"Well, we're going to have to agree to disagree here, because I know what I know." I stuffed my arms into my coat.

"Damn it, woman, there is no such thing as a vampire!" He grabbed my coat as I stepped into my shoes. I tried to walk past him, but he caught my chin in his hand and tipped my head back so he could fire those amber eyes at me. "This is not arrogance talking, this is not jealousy, it is simply a matter of facts."

I stared at him for a few seconds, wondering if he knew the danger he was putting himself in by being so blind. So stubborn. So determined to not need anyone's help. "I don't blame you for not believing me. I didn't believe it at first either, not even when Christian invaded my head. But it is the truth, and pretending it's not won't make it go away."

"I don't need to pretend to make Christian go away," he growled, grabbing me and hauling me up against his chest. His eyes were dark with emotion, frustration and love and anger all mingled together.

"You're hurting me," I whispered against his lips. He gentled his hold on my neck, then dropped his hands from me altogether, stepping back to release me.

I looked at the man I loved with my heart and soul, and swore an oath that I would not let his stubbornness ruin our lives. He might not want me playing detective, he might not believe that Christian was who I knew he was, but I could, and would, do whatever it took to keep disaster from rolling over us. Slowly I gathered up my things.

"Do you understand what I'm saying, Joy? Christian is nothing to us."

I stood still for a moment, then nodded and turned to leave. Oh, I understood him. The problem was, he wouldn't believe what he couldn't see. I opened the door, curiosity forcing me to stop on the top step and ask, "You know who killed Tanya, don't you?"

He came up behind me, standing so close I could feel the heat from his chest. "Yes, I do."

I looked at my hand on the door latch. "Is it Milos?"

I felt rather than saw him stiffen.

"He's always given me the creeps. Now I know why. I'll see you tonight at the festival?"

"Joy, I don't want you to—"

I opened the door and walked down the steps. Outside the sun was still shining, the men were still breaking down the booths and tents to reassemble on Christian's land. Everything was the same, and yet everything was different.

A warm hand settled on my neck, gently this time, his thumb rubbing away the sting of his earlier hold. I turned and slid my hands under his coat, holding him close, breathing in his wonderful smell. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me just as tightly.

"I won't go near Milos if that's what you're about to order," I whispered, kissing his ear.

"This is not a game, Joy."

I kissed his chin, his obstinate, blunt chin that I loved so much. He still thought I was upset because he wouldn't admit to me what he was really doing with the fair. Silly man. "I know it's not a game."

"If you persist in playing detective, I'll have to spend my time keeping an eye on you rather than proving the murderer's guilt to Bartos. I need this time, Joy. I'm not going to have another chance."

"And if you don't succeed?" I tipped my head back to examine his eyes. They were hard again, just as determined and stubborn as the rest of him. "What happens if you don't convince Bartos? What happens if the festival ends and the fair moves on without you? What then?"

He rubbed his thumb over my lower lip. I bit it. "Then my future is written for me."

My heart tightened painfully. "And it won't include me?"

He didn't answer me right away. "Let me do my job. Let me do it without worrying about you. I need to know you're safe, otherwise this won't end."

I nodded and started to pull away, but his arms tightened around me. "Please, baby. You wanted to help me, now I'm giving you the chance to. Stay away from Milos."

He wasn't asking, he was demanding, but now wasn't the time to argue over words. I nodded again and slipped out of his embrace, giving him one last very gentle kiss before starting off to find Roxy.

"Let's see," Roxy said, circling around me as I stood outside Arielle's trailer. "Hair: mussed. Lips: swollen with impassioned kissing. Dress: wrinkled, as if it had lain on the floor for a while. Face: blushing. Yep. All signs you had a really good talk with Raphael."

"You are an obnoxiously bad woman and you will be punished one day."

She grinned and fell into step as we started back to the hotel. "I take it by the sated look you're wearing that all is right in Raphael-land?"

"Relatively," I admitted. "Somewhat. Kind of. How is Arielle?"

Her grin fizzled away into nothing. "Upset, worried, and frightened. But she'll survive. Her boyfriend is hanging around, keeping an eye on her. I think he'll make sure she doesn't suffer more than she has to."

I stopped. "Maybe I should see her now rather than later?"

"No. Paal gave her a couple of sleeping pills; she'll be out until the festival tonight. Come on, it's lunchtime and I'm hungry. I'm willing to bet that man of yours didn't feed you, either." She shot me a knowing glance. "At least, not food."

"Oh, grow up!"

"So let me get this straight," she said a short time later as we sat over bowls of vegetable soup and fresh baked bread. "You've done a one-eighty on the whole 'he won't tell me his secrets' issue?"

"Right. He loves me. He'll tell me when he's ready to."

"Wow. You really have grown up, haven't you? So then, why the long face?"

"Raphael doesn't believe Christian is a Dark One. He's letting his stubbornness blind him."

"So?" Roxy stuffed a roll in her mouth, crumbs drifting onto the table as she spoke. "I admit that he's being stupid about it, but what's the big deal? You get Christian to show a little fang, and voilà! Instant believer."

I stirred my soup. "The problem is that Raphael's letting his stubbornness blind him about everything. It's not just Christian, it's the whole thing with Inspector Bartos, too."

"You're just a control freak, that's your problem. You want Raphael to admit you're right and he's wrong."

I threw my bread at her. She caught it and took a bite.

"It's not nearly as simple as that. For one thing, Raphael is in danger of being arrested again. Call me silly, but I'd like to avoid that. I really don't want to spend the rest of my life hanging around a Czech prison begging for visitation rights."

She crumbled the bread into her soup. "He says he's not in danger of being arrested."

"Yeah, well, he didn't hear Inspector Bartos say he was a suspect. You think the police are going to tell he's on the list? They don't want him to have his guard up! They want him to feel secure so he'll slip up and they can nab him and take him away from me." I took a deep breath and slammed the flat of my hand onto the table. "I'm not going to let them do that! Raphael doesn't want me getting involved with finding out who the murderer is, but he didn't say I couldn't find someone who can do it for me."

"Who's that?" she asked, her head tipped to the side.

"Christian," I said without thinking. "He can read minds, can't he? I'm sure Milos is the murderer, so all I have to do is ask Christian to read his mind and find a little tangible proof for the police."

"Oh, right, and Christian is going to help you save your lover, the man whose job he wants?"

I waved that issue away. "He'll help me, I know he will. How much time do we have before it starts to get dark?"

She glanced at her watch. "Four, maybe five hours."

"Good. That gives us time to catch a little sleep. The festival won't be starting until nine or so, so we should have a good three hours to find Christian and have him scan Milos's mind."

"We?"

"I assumed you were going to help me."

She sighed and dunked my bread in her soup. "I suppose I'll have to keep you in line if I want to see you and Raphael settled happily. I just wish I knew why you didn't trust him to take care of himself."

"Of course I trust him, the man's a spy. He's perfectly able to take care of himself physically."

"He's what?" Roxy shrieked.

I glanced around the nearly empty room, smiling wildly at the elderly couple who were giving us frowns. "Shhh! You want everyone to hear?"

She goggled for a moment, then grabbed my wrist, leaning forward to hiss at me. "What do you mean he's a spy? Raphael?"

"Yes, Raphael, a spy. Or a government agent of some sort. Honestly, Rox, I thought you would have figured it out by now."

"Did he tell you that?"

I gave her one of the many patient looks I save just for her. "No, of course he didn't, that would qualify as secret-telling. It's obvious, though. Raphael is clearly not in the least bit concerned about the police other than seeing Milos brought to justice. He carries a gun, and who knows what else he has locked away in that metal chest. Probably his spy papers or something. And that cock-and-bull story about him raping a woman and killing her is just too ridiculous for words. It's just the sort of thing those spy places would make up. Thus, he must be working undercover to figure out who the murderer is. Let go of my arm, it's starting to hurt."

"Damn, girl, you take the cake," she answered, releasing my wrist. "I just hate it when you outguess me. So now you know his secret, right? Are you going to tell him?"

"And puncture his ego? No way. Behind every good man stands an exceptional woman, and I am that woman. I'll just make sure that Inspector Bartos doesn't nab Raphael by mistake, and never tell him I helped."

"Why would Inspector Bartos want to nab Raphael if he's a spy?"

I rolled my eyes as I picked up my spoon. "He's undercover, silly. If he reveals himself to Bartos, word could get back to Milos and then the whole case will be blown. You need to read more spy books."

We spent the next half hour detailing our plans for the evening. I was heading upstairs to take a much-needed nap when Roxy—on her way to the bar to ogle the natives—stopped me with a question. "You do realize what Raphael did, don't you?"

"When?"

"Earlier. He took the sixth step to Joining by asking for your help. Now all that's left is for you two to complete a blood exchange."

I made a face as I continued up the stairs. "That, I can assure you, is not going to happen."

A few hours of nap time, and I was feeling much more optimistic that the plan we'd agreed on would actually work. I pulled out the long blue and green peasant skirt I'd bought in Brno, and added a frilly silk blouse and an oversized paisley scarf that doubled as a shawl.

"Going with the gypsy look?" Roxy asked, poking her head into my room.

"Yup. You remember everything you're supposed to do?"

"Keep an eye on Arielle, warn you whenever I see Raphael, and act as courier whenever you need a message sent to Christian."

"Right." I pulled on my underwear and the ruffled petticoat I'd bought with the skirt.

"I have a question."

"Shoot."

"Why do I have to act as courier for you when you can just call Christian up on the mind-phone?"

I shivered. "I told you earlier, I don't want to do that. It's a very intimate thing, and the less intimacy I have with Christian, the happier I am. Besides, he's not answering me."

"You make him sound so dangerous."

"He is dangerous. Very dangerous. You have no idea of the torment he's in, what he's capable of, but I am."

"He'd never hurt you."

I tucked the blouse into the skirt and draped the scarf around my waist, a la gypsy, then turned to look at her. "It's not me I'm worried about him hurting."

She pursed her lips in a silent whistle and admitted I might have a point.

By the time we left the hotel, the sun was just sinking down behind the indigo mountains.

"You are going to be done in time for the magic show, aren't you?" Roxy asked as we settled back into the ancient Peugeot taxi. "Believe it or not, Dominic is really great at it. Even Christian was impressed with some of the illusions he did."

"I should be done with the readings by then. Tell me again when you and Christian parted ways last night."

"He left right after the magic show. Said he'd heard all he could take of the bands, and since you were nowhere to be found, he said he'd see us tonight, before the festival."

"Hmm."

"Why? What are you thinking?"

"I'm not sure. I just can't help wondering why he disappeared, and didn't try to seduce me. I can't shake the feeling that something is going on with him, that something isn't right."

She didn't say anything to that, but cast me occasional worried glances. I looked out into the darkening night and wondered what Raphael was doing, and if he was thinking about me even half as much as I was thinking about him.

"Boy, do I have it bad," I muttered to myself.

"That's the understatement of the year," Roxy grinned. She gave my hand a little squeeze. "However, I have to admit I don't really blame you. Raphael's kind of cute, in an immense, overpowering sort of way."

There was nothing that could be said in response that she wouldn't interpret as the smutty imaginings of my mind, so I just looked out into the night and tried to construct convincing arguments for Christian to help nail Milos.