A Second Chance

CHAPTER SEVEN

TALK ABOUT COMING BACK to earth in a hurry.

“Uh, no,” Loretta said.

“Ah. Then I guess we should have had this conversation a few minutes ago.”

“You know, it never occurred to me. Which is pretty stupid.”

“Hell, it’s not as if I don’t know better.” He sighed. “I’ve never in my life forgotten that little detail.”

“And I’ve never in my life had to think about it. Jim and I never used anything, and it took me two years to get pregnant. So we probably don’t have anything to worry about.”

“Still.”

“You’re already sorry, aren’t you?”

He kissed her on the nose. “Oh, hell, no, I’m not sorry. I shouldn’t have even brought it up. Let’s not borrow trouble. I just want to lie here with you.”

“It was good, huh?” She was embarrassed that she needed the validation, but she felt pretty inept at the moment.

“Good doesn’t even get off the starting blocks. I’ve never…let’s just say you tested my powers of control beyond any reasonable limits. I almost came when you took off your bra, and it just got better from there.”

She appreciated his frank appraisal of their lovemaking. But something niggled at the back of her mind, something she needed to worry about-besides the fact she’d just had unprotected sex with a man who she was pretty sure had no burning desire for children. She looked out the window, noticing the angle of the sun, and it hit her.

She looked at her watch.

“Oh, my God. Omigod! Get up, get up, get up!” She leaped out of bed as if the sheets were on fire-and they almost had been, she reflected.

“Loretta. What-”

“Zara’s bus will be here any minute!”

Thank God he caught on without her having to explain. He scrambled quickly and yanked on clothes. This mad dash was not the way she would have wished to end her interlude with Luc, but it couldn’t be helped. She was not prepared to explain to Zara why Luc was lounging around in her bed with no clothes.

Loretta pulled the covers up over the bed while Luc replaced the ruffly throw pillows their passion had dislodged. She spritzed a bit of perfume around the room, though Zara didn’t normally come into Loretta’s room until evening, when they cuddled in the big bed to read together.

Then Loretta dashed into the master bath to freshen up as best she could. She almost cried when she saw herself in the mirror. She did not look like a responsible mother/businesswoman. She looked like a wanton slut.

She fluffed up her hair, put on a smear of lip gloss-despite her panic, her vanity hadn’t completely deserted her-then emerged to find Luc fully dressed, leaning one shoulder against the door frame with his arms folded, watching her with a trace of amusement.

“You do think I’m funny,” she accused him.

He straightened, walked up to her and kissed her soundly. “I told you, I just enjoy everything about you. I suspected there might be a very passionate, sensual woman beneath that homey little bread-baker you present to the world, and I was right.”

They returned to the bakery, and Loretta reversed the Closed sign to Open just as the bus pulled up at the corner and Zara hopped off. She looked around curiously, probably wondering why her mother wasn’t there with her schoolmates’ bread orders, then shrugged and headed for the house, dragging her heavy backpack.

“I’ll call you later,” Luc said. She could tell he wanted to kiss her again, but he resisted. She wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to call, that she’d gone to bed with him without any expectations or promises. But truth be told, she wasn’t quite that modern. She wanted there to be something between them.

How scary was that?

“We need to talk about the Cajun dinner,” she said, then wanted to curse herself. Now he would think she was trying to eradicate what they’d done.

He grinned. “Of course we do.” And he pushed his way out the door just as Zara was about to enter. She stopped short, surprised. Then a huge smile spread across her face. “Hi, Luc! Are you leaving?”

Luc gave Zara’s pigtail a gentle pull. “I have to run, gorgeous. Next time I visit, maybe you can play your fiddle for me.”

“I’m not good enough yet!” she objected, though Loretta knew otherwise. The piece Zara planned to play at the festival was coming along nicely. She was a fast learner and practiced with the dedication and intensity of a true artist.

“When you’re ready, then.” And he was gone.

Loretta realized she was staring after Luc’s car, lost in thought, when Zara tugged on her shirt. “Mama. Can I have a snack?”

“Of course you may, sweetheart. How was school?”

“Good. I got a hundred on my spelling and Mrs. Brainard let me feed Mr. Chuzzlewit.” Mr. Chuzzlewit was the class mascot, a large, lop-eared rabbit.

“Excellent.”

“Mama, where are your shoes?”

Loretta looked down, surprised to see her bare toes peeking out from the hem of her jeans. “Oh. I guess I took them off a while ago and forgot to put them back on.”

“Better not let that health inspector see you barefoot in here.”

“I’ll go put my shoes on right now.” Goodness, she really was rattled. While Zara fixed her own snack, Loretta disappeared back into the house, pausing in her bedroom to hug herself. She shouldn’t feel so happy. She’d made a stupid decision to make love with Luc. They weren’t even dating. And to completely forget about birth control…

But even that couldn’t dull her feelings of elation. Sometimes a girl just had to do something crazy that was totally, completely for herself, and damn the consequences.

She hunted for her shoes and socks, finally locating a sock hooked on one of the bedposts. My, she had been in a hurry to get undressed. She grinned as she pulled it down and sat on the edge of the bed to put it on.

“Mama?”

Loretta jumped a foot. Zara stood in the doorway. “Yes, sweetheart?”

“I can’t find the peanut butter, and why was Luc here?”

“Oh, rats, we’re out of peanut butter. I meant to get to the store today, but things got so crazy. That’s why Luc was here. I had a little fire in my oven because the chimney was stopped up. And you’ll never believe what was up there.” She told Zara the story as they returned to the bakery and scrounged up some crackers, cream cheese and a persimmon for a snack.

Zara laughed at the picture her mother painted of the frantic raccoon climbing over Luc to make its escape and Luc falling off the roof.

But then she turned serious. “Why didn’t you call Granddaddy?”

“I was already on the phone with Luc when all the black smoke came pouring out of the oven. He jumped in his car and raced over here to help.”

“That was nice of him.”

“Luc is a very good man. We’re lucky he chose to move to Indigo.” She sneaked a cracker off Zara’s plate and nibbled on it, then decided to make herself a real snack. She was starving. She supposed hot sex could burn up a few calories.

“Mama?” Zara said. She sounded as if she were in a question-asking mood, and Loretta had to be prepared for anything. Last week, she’d asked Loretta to explain what an STD was.

“What is it, sweetheart?”

“I think you and Luc should get married.”

“Oh, do you now?” Loretta tried to sound casual, but her heart was pounding in her ears. Had Zara seen something, sensed something? Did she know?

“My friends all think you’re a lesbian.”

“What? Zara, do you even know what a lesbian is?”

“Yes, Mother,” she said in that impatient way she adopted whenever Loretta underestimated her intelligence. “It’s a lady who likes other ladies instead of men. And, let’s face it, Mama, you don’t even go out on dates with men.”

Great. Her nine-year-old daughter was giving her relationship counseling. “Zara, for the record, I do like men. But who has time to date? Besides, we have it pretty good, don’t we? Just us girls?” Zara had given her the perfect opportunity to introduce the idea of Loretta having a relationship with a man. In fact, she was encouraging it. But the idea terrified Loretta.

She was used to her lifestyle. Comfortable. Although it sure hadn’t taken very much encouragement on Luc’s part to get her thinking about making some pretty big changes.

“It’s just that I want…” She sighed. “Oh, never mind.”

“Is this about having a dad?” Again?

Zara’s eyes filled with tears. “I want a dad. The Girl Explorers are planning a father-daughter hike and cookout, and I’m the only one who doesn’t have a dad. Katie Zelleger said she would share her dad with me, but it’s not the same.”

Loretta’s heart went out to her little girl. She had no idea what it felt like to grow up without a father, because her own parents had been so loving, so supportive and always there for her.

“I bet your grandfather would go with you,” Loretta said brightly.

Zara gave a halfhearted smile. “Yeah, I’ll ask him. But a real dad would be better. And Luc would be a good dad. And you like him, and he likes you. I can tell these things.”

So wise. Loretta could just imagine what Zara would be like as a teenager. She would know everything-or at least, she would believe she did.

“I know it’s tough sometimes, being without a dad. But I can’t just go marrying a guy because it would make our lives more convenient.”

“But you could hook up with him.”

Oh, Lord, where did she pick up these phrases? “You mean date him?”

“Date, hang out, you know. Kiki Madison doesn’t have a dad, but her mom has a boyfriend and he’s really cool. He takes her to the movies sometimes, just her and him. That’s almost like having a dad.”

Loretta felt as if her heart were getting kicked repeatedly by a mule. She’d had no idea Zara was harboring these longings for a father figure, or that she felt isolated because she didn’t have a dad. She’d thought Zara coped beautifully with the sad facts of her biological father. She seemed like such a strong little girl. But appearances could be deceiving.

Such as all Zara’s friends thinking Loretta preferred women. Was that the impression she gave people? That she was some sort of man-hater, or antisocial?

It was tempting to tell Zara that yes, she would hang out with Luc. Luc seemed to be hinting that he wanted some kind of relationship with her. That would make Zara happy, at least for a while.

But Zara’s fantasies would only build from there. She would start seeing Luc as a father figure and hang her hopes for a happy family on him. And when it didn’t work out, she would be crushed.

“Luc is a good man,” Loretta said again. “And he likes you very much. But I’m not sure how he’d feel knowing we’re talking about him as husband and father material. He might be the kind of man who shies away from settling down.”

“You mean like my real dad,” Zara said dejectedly.

“Well, yeah.”

Suddenly Zara brightened. “Want me to ask him?”

Loretta gasped. “No, honey, I don’t think that would be a good idea. Please try to understand. Just because Luc is nice and we like each other doesn’t mean we would be compatible…hooking up.”

“But you could try,” Zara said in small voice.

“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Loretta made herself say. A few minutes ago, she’d been tempted to dip her toe into that murky relationship pool. But she couldn’t let Zara get her hopes up when there was so little chance of anything working out in the long term. “But Granddaddy is a pretty darn good substitute. He was a great dad to me when I was growing up. I bet he would be thrilled to go on that Girl Explorer hike with you.”

Zara brightened slightly. “Yeah, he’s fun. Remember when I took him to show-and-tell and he brought honeycomb for the whole class?”

“He did that for me when I was your age, too.” Sometimes Loretta forgot to be grateful for her parents. But Zara was right. A grandfather was fun, but it wasn’t the same as a real dad.

“SO, YOU BROKE your promise.”

Luc and Doc were sitting on one of the B and B’s upper verandas. The cabin had four porches, perfect for sitting in the evening to catch a cool breeze or watch the sunset.

One of the things Luc had learned since moving to Indigo was how to relax and live in the moment. Before, he’d always been living on the edge-dreaming and scheming about his next move, never satisfied with where he was.

But here in this peaceful place, looking out across an expanse of lawn still green despite autumn’s arrival, and the slow-moving Bayou Teche, it was hard not to relax.

Luc had confessed to Doc what had happened between himself and Loretta. He needed advice. The woman had turned him inside out.

Doc tamped down his pipe and lit it, but he didn’t take a draw. Instead, he just enjoyed a quick whiff of the aromatic smoke before it fizzled and went out. He’d quit smoking years ago, but he still liked everything that went with smoking-the feel of the pipe, the smell of the tobacco, the way a match flared to life.

“I confess, I’m not a strong man. She had her hands all over me, doctoring my scrapes, and it just…went from there. She didn’t exactly have to be coaxed.”

“I guess I saw this one coming, despite my warnings,” Doc said, shaking his head. “My question now is, what do you plan to do about it?”

“I don’t want to just pretend it didn’t happen, that’s for sure.” But apparently Loretta did. She’d been coolly professional in her attitude to him the last couple of mornings as she’d delivered his orders of baked goods, and she hadn’t included any bonus muffins just for him, as she had before. She’d made sure Zara was with her so Luc couldn’t talk about anything personal. And she’d been screening her calls.

“Doc, you were all worried I would use Loretta and then toss her aside. But did you ever expect her to do that to me?”

Doc gasped with mock indignation. “How dare she? Now your reputation will be ruined.”

“I’m serious. She won’t give me the time of day.”

Doc sobered when he realized Luc was truly pained by the mess he’d created with Loretta. “Playing hard to get, maybe?”

“I don’t think so. I think maybe she regrets what we did and wants to forget about it. And I don’t.”

“Maybe she’s dumping you before you have the chance to dump her. Some gals don’t want to be the one left behind.”

“I had no intention of dumping her.”

“Well, what are your intentions?”

Luc had been thinking about what he wanted between Loretta and him ever since they’d made love. But he was no closer to an answer. “I want to be with her. For as long as it lasts.”

Doc shook his head. “That won’t work with her.”

“So I’m supposed to ask her to marry me? Why is it that guys are supposed to know exactly what they want from the very beginning of a relationship? Don’t we get a chance to try things on for size?”

Doc chuckled at that. “A try-it-before-you-buy-it, break-in period. A money-back guarantee.”

“No! You’re being deliberately obtuse. I’m not crazy here. I don’t want to take advantage of Loretta, I want to date her.”

“And sleep with her.”

“That’s generally what happens when men and women date, yeah. Maybe in your day, you’d take a girl for a buggy ride and you’d be engaged, but it’s a little different now.”

Doc laughed again. “We had cars. I’m not that old. But actually, we took girls for boat rides. Nothing like seeing an alligator to get a girl in a romantic mood. Did I hear you were looking for a boat?”

How did Doc know that? “I found one in St. Martinville. A sweet little pontoon boat with a canopy. Grand-mère already okayed it.” Was that how he knew? Celeste?

His grandmother also had an uncanny way of knowing everything Luc was up to. Were Celeste and Doc sharing information? Interesting.

They didn’t talk anymore about Loretta. Luc figured Doc had no more idea what to do about her than he did. But Doc hadn’t told him to keep away from her, which Luc saw as an encouraging sign. Maybe he thought Luc was worthy of Loretta after all.

Not that Doc’s approval helped Luc a whole helluva lot. He was just going to have to catch Loretta alone and pin her down. Pin her down to that feather bed of hers and make love to her until she saw reason.