Ain’t Misbehaving

Chapter Thirteen

“Oh, yeah? So how exactly are you supposed to tell when it’s love and when it’s just sex, anyway?”

Why, Kay thought wryly, did her ninth graders have to ask the really big questions today? It was the last day before Christmas holidays; now her ninth graders had decided to get into it?

“If you want a pat answer to that one, I don’t have it,” Kay admitted. She had divided the class into discussion groups, and she’d made the unfortunate mistake of pausing by her six most inquisitive girls. Sprawled on the floor, festooned with pinned-on holly and Christmas bells, the ninth graders looked too young to be asking such questions. “No one’s ever been able to come up with an exact list of symptoms of being in love.”

“But you said experimenting with sex just for sex’s sake was a sure way to get hurt,” Janey objected. A freckle-faced girl with a long ponytail, she habitually squinted and only wore her glasses during tests.

“I did.”

“So we were talking about really caring for somebody. How’s that wrong then, as long as you really care?”

Kay crouched down, the group moving to make room for her in their circle. “There is never anything wrong with your feelings,” she said gently. “We talked about that, and it matters that you understand and believe it. And I wasn’t trying to make a rule for you as to what you should or shouldn’t do with your boyfriend-or boyfriends. Your values are the ones that are going to have to determine that. I was suggesting that you see the difference between sexual feelings and love feelings. They can be related but they’re not the same.”

“Janey, you keep asking the same dumb questions,” Roberta said in a bored voice. “When are you going to get the picture? Sex is a big high. So is the free fall when you jump off a cliff. Landing is the cruncher, so don’t get carried away by the first big thrill.”

“I don’t remember putting it quite that way,” Kay said wryly.

“You didn’t have to,” Roberta said, leaning back with a yawn, all Miss Experience. “I never thought sex was all it was cracked up to be, anyway. I mean, why risk getting pregnant for a five-minute rush at a drive-in movie with a payoff of a Coke at McDonald’s afterward? No thanks.”

Janey’s eyes widened. “Have you really-?”

“We’re talking about values, ”Kay interjected rapidly. “Being sure that the pleasure of being physically close to someone isn’t all we’re really feeling when we call it love. Sexual feelings are so powerful at times that they can be confused with love. If you take your time, and know your partner well, you have a much better chance of being sure of your feelings. Now, does that help, Janey?”

Janey hesitated.

“She wants you to give her permission to go one more step with Jeff,” Roberta said wearily. “Miss Sanders isn’t going to do that, you fool. She just said that if you don’t feel sure about your own feelings, you should lay off until you do. In other words, tell him to get his hands up five inches or take a hike.”

“Roberta.”

“Sorry,” Roberta said unrepentantly. “I’ve liked this class, Miss Sanders,” she added. “You’re terrific, but sometimes you have to talk a little straighter. I mean, her boyfriend’s telling her to-” Kay’s hand clamped across Roberta’s mouth “-or get off the pot. And you’ve tried to tell her a dozen times that he doesn’t have the right to push. In other words, she should tell him to stick it up his-” Again, Kay’s hand sealed Roberta’s mouth.

The sound of the bell had never been so welcome to Kay’s ears.

When she left the school building, Kay noted speckles of white fluff in the air, but the snow really wasn’t trying very hard. A big, lukewarm, watery sun peeked out from behind a few gray clouds, and the sidewalks were wet.

Restlessness stole into her bloodstream, and refused to leave. The kids had been infected with it, except for that last class. Everyone was filled with that sense of anticipation that dominated the holidays. Expectations and anxieties and hopes, and suddenly the world turned high-strung.

Walking it off seemed the best answer. Mitch was out of town for the day. At home she had nothing more interesting to do than clean; being Kay, she had already bought most of her presents by Thanksgiving. That would have left the tree still to do, but Mitch had taken care of that three days before.

A fleeting smile touched her features, and then died. Mitch was serious about wanting to marry her. She was desperately serious about wanting to spend the rest of her life with him. She had no doubts whatsoever about her own feelings. When you found a man who shared the important things, a man who was a giver, who was intelligent and warm and gentle and exhaustingly creative when the lights were out…you latched on to him, and you didn’t let go.

It was Mitch’s feelings that increasingly concerned her. How many times had she said it to the ninth graders? First sexual feelings are incredibly powerful. But they aren’t necessarily love.

That shimmer of doubt kept edging up into her consciousness. Mitch hadn’t played before. Naturally, his feelings were running pretty strong and pretty sure-but just as naturally, they could be entirely sexual. When the fireworks simmered down, maybe he was going to wish he had a few more notches on his belt.

Who was kidding whom? She was a perky lady with big eyes and a nice figure…and she’d had the sense-and the bullheadedness-to coax him out of his shell. But she was hardly a femme fatale. With a little more confidence who was to say he couldn’t at least look around for a lady who was less rosy and more voluptuous and who could grow plants? That he’d get the invitations she had no doubt.

Since the weekend, she’d been trying to give him space. For weeks, they’d been seeing each other almost daily, and Kay couldn’t have felt worse, thinking up excuses why she was suddenly busy every day of the past week. On Wednesday, he hadn’t listened; he’d barged in with that huge crazy Christmas tree… They’d laughed so much…

And she’d sent him home alone, truthfully the last thing she wanted to do. But Mitch had to be sure of his feelings for her. A woman felt something special for her first lover; there was no reason why a man should feel any differently. That first introduction to sexual pleasures could overwhelm a relationship, and that was exactly what she was afraid was happening with Mitch. If she could talk to him…but Mitch was long on male pride, and his lack of experience was something he clearly hadn’t wanted her to be aware of.

Talking wasn’t the problem anyway. Time was. Time out of bed. Time for Mitch to see exactly what they had apart from sexual chemistry.

Time, Kay thought glumly. It sounded good, but after only a week without him, she was miserable. What if he used that time to look around and try his new wings on the rest of the female population?

Rhoda took one look at Mitch and burst into peals of laughter. “Merry Christmas, Santa!”

Mitch scowled. “Just tell me where I can get out of this outfit before I turn into a furnace.”

“Mitch, it’s adorable,” Rhoda protested teasingly.

Mitch glanced around the corridor and then pulled out the pillow that was padding his stomach. Dots of moisture beaded his forehead from the heat of the Santa suit. Kay had talked him into the charade…and truth to tell, he’d enjoyed every minute of it. Kay had wrapped the dozens of presents and put them in a huge sack. She’d also pasted on the cotton fluff that was itching his chin like poison ivy. It really wasn’t a nice thing to do to a man at five o’clock in the morning.

And now it was nine, and parents were starting to flood into the hospital. Kay and Mitch had thought about those first lonely hours when the children were awake and no one was there, when memories of other Christmases weighed down on them, when they pictured their siblings tearing the wrapping paper off presents around the tree at dawn…that was the hour Santa had decided to visit the hospital this year. And Mitch had the terrible feeling Kay was going to talk him into doing it next Christmas as well.

“I’ve lost Mrs. Claus,” Mitch growled to Rhoda.

“She’s in the nursery.” Rhoda’s eyes couldn’t stop teasing.

“I’ve also lost my clothes.”

“You know, just watching the two of you this year was almost worth having to work over the holidays.” Rhoda motioned to the supply room near the nurses’ station. “Kay stuck your clothes back there, if you really have to change.” Her eyes flicked past him and then widened. “Mitch,” she whispered.

Mitch pivoted around, to see a little boy trying to maneuver himself down the hall in a wheelchair. His eyes were like black diamonds, staring at Mitch. Mitch’s features softened; he wielded his all-but-empty sack in front of his now-too-flat stomach, and let out a brisk “ho-ho-ho” as he sauntered off, hot as an oven, to spread a little more Christmas cheer.

An hour later he wandered toward the nursery, feeling infinitely cooler in a simple pair of navy flannel slacks and red shirt. He’d conned Rhoda into letting him steal fifteen minutes in the nurses’ shower, and his hair was still slightly damp…just as his cheeks were still a rather flaming red from the removal of his beard glue.

He passed room after room, occasionally hearing a little voice breathlessly relating to parents how Santa had already been there that morning, but beyond a vague smile, he paid no attention. At the moment, claiming Kay was the only thing on his mind.

Huge glass windows encased the soundproof nursery. A dozen cribs were lined up in the center of the room, only four of them in use. One red-faced urchin was screaming its tiny head off, and two others were swaddled white bundles of sleeping bliss.

The fourth baby was in Kay’s arms. Mitch paused, staring at her through the glass. The last time he’d seen her she’d been dressed as Mrs. Claus-white wig, rotund tummy and all. Her face had been animated and full of laughter; she’d been tossing up ribbons and silver paper and gleefully making a terrible mess for the hospital staff to clean up.

At the moment, there were tears in her eyes that wrenched his heart. She’d changed to a scarlet dress, and her hair was a smooth taffy curtain. A diaper was draped over her shoulder and she was rocking her precious burden.

She glanced up and caught sight of him, her smile as instant as the rapid blinking of her eyes. He went through the steel door into the tiny anteroom with masks and gowns, and then pushed open the second steel door.

“Aren’t you supposed to have a gown on?” he whispered.

“Not on Christmas,” Kay chided, which truly had no rational basis whatsoever in terms of hospital policy.

He moved forward when she motioned him closer. He couldn’t see much of the little one she held in her arms. Just an extremely wrinkled red face and a tuft of a black curl at the top of his head. Bleary blue eyes focused haphazardly in his direction, and then closed again.

“Someone left him,” Kay hissed. “Just left him. And on Christmas!”

He could barely hear her over the caterwauling of the other infant, but he could see the shimmer of tears in her eyes, and felt utterly helpless. Kay glanced at the baby crying in the crib, and handed her bundle to Mitch. “You take him,” she murmured, and then, “just support his head, Mitch.”

“Wait!” he whispered as he balanced the swaddled baby, but Kay was already bending over the other crib. With the screamer in her arms, she turned around with a grin for him, and motioned to the white rocker in the center of the nursery.

“You rock. I’ll pace,” she whispered.

“Why are you whispering? That one’s screaming loud enough to wake the dead, and it doesn’t seem to bother any of the others.”

She shook her head. Mitch sighed and settled gingerly in the rocker, terrified the thing would creak and the baby would cry.

“He’s not made of glass,” Kay chided, clearly amused at the way he was holding the baby.

“He’s terrifying,” Mitch said gruffly. “Give me a terrible two-year-old any day. I can deal with those.”

“You’re doing just fine.” Supporting the baby, Kay leaned down to kiss him on the forehead. “You were beautiful, Mitch. A beautiful Santa. Your visit made a lot of difference this day, to an awful lot of kids.”

“I wasn’t alone.” The blanket slipped from around the baby; he couldn’t figure out how. Before he had that fixed, a tiny toe escaped as well, and he found himself staring at the little toe. As he tried to wrap the ridiculously small blanket, a thought struck him. “Kay, you’re not taking this baby home?”

“I’d love to take him home,” she said fiercely, and sighed as she laid the second child back in its crib, fast asleep. “I can’t believe a mother would just leave him, and if I didn’t know there are tons of potential parents waiting to adopt…”

When the blanket was arranged and his baby still hadn’t started crying, Mitch relaxed, finding a sort of right-side-up football carry that the baby didn’t seem to mind. “I get the feeling we’re going to be a little late for the family dinner,” he drawled.

“Do you mind, Mitch?”

Mind? He considered himself extremely lucky that they weren’t taking a two-week-old infant home. Loving Kay was knowing she had an instinct for finding the world’s loneliest, and taking them in. And loving her meant anticipating any number of potential disruptions in a quiet life in the years ahead. “We’re in no hurry, honey,” Mitch agreed, but he was more than half mesmerized at the thought of his own child in her arms.

“The nurses will flood back in here at feeding time. They were just so busy before, particularly this morning, and then this one-I didn’t think he should be left alone.”

“It’s all ri- Kay. It’s-” Mitch’s face became peculiarly contorted.

“Silly.” Kay snatched the baby from him. “Did you wet on poor old Mitch?” she cooed at him. “You just scared him out of his mind, darling.”

“I was not scared out of my mind,” Mitch growled as he pushed open the front door of her house and patted her rear end with unerring aim until Kay was safely out of the driving wind.

“Of course you weren’t,” Kay said placatingly, and started giggling again as she tugged off her coat. “You’re so good with the kids. Who would have guessed that a massive lug like you would be terrified of a ten-pound baby?”

“If I make you a cup of coffee, will you lay off?”

“Nope. No coffee. Just give me four and a half seconds to change and another three full minutes to call my family, and then we’ll be on our way.”

“You don’t need to change.”

“I do, too. I’m not going to your mother’s house smelling like baby powder.”

She was in such a rush, plugging in the tree lights, dropping the Santa suits, taking off her coat, slipping off her shoes in the middle of the floor. He had plenty of time to block her path back toward the bedroom, and in one fell swoop he wrapped her up and hugged her. Just…hugged her.

“Oh, Mitch.” She returned his hug, and then for an instant her head tilted back, and her eyes seared his with an intensely searching expression that he couldn’t fathom. Before he could question her, she wriggled free. “Let me go, you oaf, or I’ll tell your mother you held us up by seducing me.”

“Are you kidding? My mother wouldn’t believe you, and my father would serve you champagne.”

“Your father knows I’m a good woman. Unlike what you think.”

“Come back here and I’ll show you what I think.”

“Don’t you come near this bedroom. We’re late enough,” Kay called as she disappeared down the hall.

“What about zippers and stuff?”

“No excuses.”

Mitch, smiling, stuck his hands in his pockets and wandered aimlessly while she changed her dress. The huge Christmas tree was set up with winking lights, a dozen strands. She liked lights. She also liked to decorate the tree with every handmade ornament any kid had ever given her. The whole place smelled like holly and pine.

And he was going to have Kay and the holly and the pine to himself for a couple of days over the holidays. He’d talked her into a mini-vacation at the hunting lodge up north…and it had taken some talking. She too damn clearly hadn’t wanted to go.

He’d put on a casual air every time he’d been around her. A man didn’t wear hurt or anxiety on his sleeve…and he’d been afraid of pushing her too far. He couldn’t risk losing her altogether. But he was well aware that Kay had not shown any reticence in their relationship until they’d made love.

He couldn’t imagine any more explosiveness than they’d experienced making love together. Kay was totally responsive, so completely uninhibited and free in her loving that he knew she was satisfied. Or did he just want to believe that? How the hell was he supposed to measure it?

“Done. Okay?” Kay whirled in the doorway, showing off an emerald-green dress with that strange extra material under the sleeves, like the garments he saw in magazines.

His lips twitched in a smile. “Beautiful.”

She made a face. “It’s a shame I can’t believe you. You’re so darned biased… Mitch, I have time to phone my parents, don’t I? I know we’re late, but if I don’t get through now…well, you know how the lines are around the holidays.”

“Of course you have time.”

She flashed him a smile, one he could see in a glance didn’t reach her eyes. He trailed her as she crossed into the kitchen and started dialing.

“She’ll be all right, you know,” he said quietly.

Her soft eyes lifted to his. “Jana?”

“She was fine two days ago when you called,” he reminded her gently, understanding perfectly why her mood had suddenly shifted.

“I know that, but…” Kay spoke to the operator, then leaned against the counter as she waited. “You know, you’d love Jana, Mitch. She’s pretty and she’s funny and she’s got your kind of courage… Mom? Merry Christmas!”

Mitch watched her a moment longer, long enough to ensure everything was all right at her parents’ home. He could tell from her expression, not needing to hear any of the conversation, just as he understood her mood change whenever her sister’s name was brought up.

She’d told him a great deal about Jana’s illness. About the latest remission of two years, about the years when the family was afraid Jana wouldn’t make it, of Jana’s trial by pain. He felt he knew Kay’s sister, from having shared the similar lengthy trial of a lonely illness.

More than that, he felt protective of Kay because of it. She felt guilty about not being physically closer to her family; she worried about her sister constantly and felt helpless to do anything for her. Mitch’s family had been in those shoes-those of the helpless bystanders. There was a kind of life’s trial that had to be faced alone; it hurt those closest because there really wasn’t anything they could do. He understood so much of what Kay was feeling…

And felt intense relief for her, as he watched the sparkle return to her eyes, a giggle echo in her throat as she chattered into the phone. Everything really was fine with her family, and her mood picked up again.

“Mitch?”

He shook his head, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. He was bullied into picking up the phone, coaxed into meeting three people talking all at once on the other end. Jana’s voice was soft, like Kay’s; her mother told him to not allow her daughter to let strangers into the house; her father asked him about the football season, and they made a bet on the Super Bowl. Mitch didn’t have the chance to say much in return, which was probably just as well. By the time Kay snatched the phone back, the only thing in his head was how to break it to them that he had every intention of claiming one member of their family permanently.

Waiting for her, he leaned against the doorway between the kitchen and dining room, enjoying the sound of her animated laughter as she told her sister about their hospital visit that morning.

Only by chance did his eyes flicker to the kitchen table. A letter lay there; he didn’t really mean to look. He didn’t look; it was more a question of catching the “Hi Hot Stuff” in the greeting and a string of x’s and o’s scrawled near the distinctly masculine “Drew” at the end.

A fist clenched in his pocket. It seemed to be his.

“Finally.” Kay hung up the phone and raced into the living room for her coat. “Darn it, I’m sorry, Mitch. I figured on a three-minute call and should have known that would turn into at least twenty. Are we going to be late? That’s a terrible thing to do to your mother on Christmas.”

“We won’t be late,” Mitch soothed, trailing after her with a smile. “I told you, I called Mom from the hospital-”

“The pie. You would actually have let me walk off without the pie!” She scurried back toward the kitchen and shouted, “It’s gone! It’s been stolen!” She rushed back in alarm, only to see the dish sitting peacefully in Mitch’s hands. She chuckled. “I have to admit you’re smarter than some,” she mentioned as she buttoned her coat before taking the pie.

“Was that a compliment or an insult?”

“I love you, you fool. Take it any way you like.” She grinned at him, holding open the door.

“Who’s Drew?” he asked idly as he reached for his car keys.

“Drew? You mean Andrew?” Kay slid into the seat, breathless, and immediately shivered violently. “Instant heat would be welcomed.”

“Coming up. And yes, I meant…Andrew.”

“A very old and very good friend. He thought he wanted to be a minister when I first met him in high school. We palled around for years. We even kept in touch after he moved out of state. To live with a girl who could have rivaled Mae West, no less. Some future in the ministry.” Kay hugged her hands under her chest, grateful for the heat flooding into the car. Her eyebrows lifted in sudden surprise, as if just aware of the question. “I must have told you about him before?”

“You’re shivering like a scared rabbit. There’s a blanket in back if you can’t wait for the heat to do its thing.”

“I’ll survive.” Kay smiled.

Mitch did, too. Sort of.

Andrew. Another one of her men from the past. Just friends. Or lovers?

Experienced lovers. Unlike himself.