Alice in Zombieland

15 The King and Queen of Shredded Hearts

My sister’s words haunted me the entire drive to Cole’s house. He’ll be coming for you. Who would? Why?

The moment we arrived, however, my focus changed. Inside the barn, I saw all the kids on hospital gurneys. Most were hooked to an IV bag while Mr. Ankh walked around checking vitals. Some were sleeping, some in too much pain to nod off. But Brent…he was utterly still, his body a mess of black boils.

Of all the kids, he needed medical attention the most and yet Mr. Ankh never even approached his bed. Dr. Wright, who cleaned and bandaged those with minor injuries, never even glanced at his bed. That could only mean…

Cole unleashed a dark, dark curse that dripped with all kinds of venom and sorrow. He eased me onto a bed, and said to Mr. Ankh, “Trina and Haun are still out there, looking for…” His voice broke. He pressed his lips together.

But Trina and Haun were lying on gurneys and—oh. No. They weren’t. Their bodies might be here, but in actuality they were in the forest still in spirit form.

“I’ve already sent your dad out to get them,” Mr. Ankh said.

Though her expression was as stern as always, Dr. Wright placed a gloved hand over her heart. “I’m sorry, Cole. He was a wonderful boy.”

Cole bowed his head.

“He’s not…he can’t be…” I said.

“He is. He can.” I’d never heard such a raw tone from him. “We’ll find out in a few days whether or not his spirit moved on or became zombie.”

There was no way to tell here and now? And was that really a possibility? No matter what, I did not want to wake up one day as an undead spirit corpse.

“We’ll have to sneak his body into his home, into his own bed, and his girlfriend will be the one to report his condition in the morning. Word will spread that he died of the same disease as Boots and Ducky.” A bitter laugh left him. “Maybe it won’t be classified as ‘rare’ anymore, eh?”

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. I knew the devastation of loss, the sick feeling of realizing someone you loved had suffered greatly.

“To a bed, Cole,” Mr. Ankh said before he could reply. “Let’s get you medicated.”

Within minutes, both Cole and I were hooked to an IV. He had lapsed into silence, but I could feel the pain radiating off him in huge, twisting waves. I hadn’t known Brent well, but even I mourned his loss.

“He wouldn’t have wanted to go any other way,” Collins said.

Cole banged his head against his pillow.

Dr. Wright walked by and patted his hand.

My chin trembled.

“You will not cry,” she said to me, and though the words seemed cruel, they were actually a kindness, strengthening me. “That’s not what’s needed right now.”

“I know.” But…how many friends had Cole lost like this? How many more would he lose? And what about me? I’d get to know these guys better, probably come to love them, and then lose them, too.

When Trina and Haun glided into the barn, both were fighting tears. I watched, the desire to cry rising all over again as they stepped up to their bodies and slipped inside, as if they were covering themselves with a shimmery blanket.

“I can’t believe he’s dead,” Trina croaked. Red and black stained her bared biceps. Her hair, now flecked with dried blood, stuck out in spikes. There was a split in her upper lip, a bruise on her cheek, and a large knot on her jaw.

A warm tear escaped and trickled down my cheek.

I watched as Mr. Ankh gathered Trina in his arms and hugged her tight.

Bronx, who’d arrived with Cole and me, had claimed the cot next to her. Silent, he rested his arm over his swollen, already blackened eyes. He, too, was covered in red and black, his blue hair a disheveled mess.

Mr. Holland was the next to stalk into the barn. He made a beeline for his son. “I’m sorry. He was a good kid. We’ll honor him, like we’ve honored all the others.”

Cole nodded stiffly, and another tear trickled down my cheek. “Take care of Ali,” he said, the hollowness of his voice enough to break my heart the rest of the way. “She took a lot of heat.”

A pause, then Mr. Holland patted his son’s shoulder. “All right.” He turned to me and cleaned and bandaged me as gently as possible. “I hear you also took care of some business tonight.”

“We all did.”

“Modest? Really? I wouldn’t have guessed it of you.” He tossed the bloody bandages into a trash bin beside my bed. “So Mackenzie hacked her way free on her own? Frosty, too?”

“I did what I had to do, what any one of the guys would have done for me.”

“Yeah, but you did it without much training.”

I sighed. “Is this the part where you accuse me of working with the bad guys?”

The corners of his lips twitched with amusement, the same way Cole’s sometimes did. “No. You didn’t know where you were being taken for the ambush, so there’s no way you could have told them where to go. The suits followed the zombies like the zombies followed you.”

Speaking of… “What are they planning to do with those zombies?”

“Besides trying to stuff them into human bodies? I wish I knew.”

After that, he walked away from me. The entire group fell into a prickly silence, everyone lost in their own thoughts. If only there was something I could say to comfort them, but I remembered my disdain for the doctors, nurses, friends and family who had offered me ridiculous platitudes after the accident.

You’ll be okay. They would carry on, yes, but they would never forget their own sense of mortality.

Time will heal you. Losing a loved one was like losing a limb. You were always aware of what you were missing, of what you used to have.

I’m sorry. I was, but those words wouldn’t really mean anything to any of them. Their friend was gone, and they wouldn’t see him again until they died. That thought wouldn’t comfort them tonight.

“The zombies have become more resilient,” Frosty said, shattering the quiet with a harshness he usually reserved for me. “The halogens used to send them running away. They didn’t run tonight.”

“I don’t think they’re more resilient,” Cole said, his tone now as dark as it was hard. “I think they were that determined to reach Ali.”

“But why?” I asked, baffled.

No one had an answer for me.

The next few months passed in a daze. Brent hadn’t gone to Asher. He’d already graduated and had been living on his own, away from his family, so no one at school knew he was gone. No one understood why Cole and friends were all on edge, ready to snap at any moment.

Cole held a small, private memorial service for Brent, and seeing him and the others, each more stoic than the last, break down over their friend’s death had affected me deeply. I’d sobbed like a baby.

Sometimes all I could do was worry about who would be next to fall. Cole? We hadn’t had another vision, and still weren’t sure what that meant for us. What about Frosty? Just how would Kat handle his loss? Not well, that was for sure.

But as I’d already learned, no matter what happened around us, life would always go on. Every day after school I worked out and trained with Cole. In the ring, I was never as good as I’d been in the field. I couldn’t fake the spring of adrenaline or the rush of fight or flight no matter what we were practicing.

I was definitely the weak link.

Cole tossed me on my butt countless times, nicked me with swords and daggers, but he hadn’t kissed me again. Not that I’d thought about that or anything. Really.

I stayed up almost every night. If I wasn’t patrolling the forest around my house with Cole, I was setting traps for zombies. If I wasn’t setting traps, I was hunting for nests. If I wasn’t hunting nests, I was watching for monsters from my window or trying to decipher the rest of the journal.

Two more passages had opened up for me, one about the first of the zombies, which Dr. Wright had already explained to me, and one about the first of the slayers, which she hadn’t. Those first slayers had not been able to leave their bodies and had had to learn to fight the zombies while in their natural form. But then, the death of one of their own had saved them. The zombies had eaten his spirit straight out of his body, and somehow an infection had spread, nearly wiping out the undead. Nearly. That’s all I’d been able to make out, but maybe that was for the best. Everything I learned confused me more.

I’d finally broken down and showed the journal to Cole, but the pages had been coded to him—all of the pages. That meant I was somehow deciphering the words on my own.

Cole had no idea how I had done it or who the author could be and had asked me to hand the entire thing over to his father for further study, but I’d refused. I couldn’t bring myself to part with it.

Cole had argued with me, but in the end, he’d relented. He’d taken pictures of the pages, yeah, but he’d relented.

There was never a dull moment for me, that was for sure, despite the fact that the zombies had stopped coming out. There hadn’t been a single appearance since the night they’d hunted me, and Cole thought it was because they were finally catching up on their rest. I’d speculated that Team Hazmat could have something to do with it, but he’d said his dad and Mr. Ankh were staking them out and there’d been no movement on their end, either.

Home wise, my grandparents were not happy with me. I constantly fell asleep during class and my grades had dropped significantly. I’d been sent to the principal’s office twice, lectured, grounded, and taken back to the therapist.

The first time I was sent to the principal’s office—and set free by Dr. Wright without any punishment, thank you—Wren and Poppy had dropped me as if I were radioactive waste.

“We can’t afford to be associated with trouble,” Poppy had said. “Not when our every deed could be Tweeted online. No colleges will want us.”

“We warned you this would happen,” Wren had said.

Yeah, and she’d also smiled at me that day in the cafeteria, silently telling me to go for Cole. Which, I now knew, was because she’d wanted Justin Silverstone for herself. I’d seen them in the halls, holding hands. Apparently, they were Asher High’s new “it” couple.

Kat had sided with me, and I loved her so much more for it. I’d never let her go now. Never. I didn’t care what Cole said.

“At our very first meeting I told you that you’d be my number one,” she’d said. “And I never lie or exaggerate.”

“True story,” I’d replied with a laugh.

“Plus, how can I let you go when I’m so close to finalizing the rumor tree?”

Oh, yeah. The rumor tree. I’d stopped caring about it, to be honest. I’d tried to make things up to Mackenzie for wrongly blaming her, but the most she’d given me was a dirty look.

One day, during lunch, I’d had enough. “What’s your problem?” I demanded from across our table. Yep, I now sat with Cole’s group. “I said I was sorry.”

Kat, whom I’d dragged with me, leaned toward Mackenzie and said, “Yeah. What’s your problem?”

Flashing emerald eyes moved from me to Cole, who was at my other side. “Lift the ban, and let me handle this.”

“Nope. The ban stays,” Cole said with a shake of his head.

The not-hurting-Ali ban? “Go ahead,” I retorted, “lift it.”

Mackenzie popped to her feet, leaned over and flattened her hands on the table, rattling the entire thing. “First, I don’t need your backup, cupcake. Second,” she said, glaring at Cole, “you can’t stop this forever.”

“Actually, you do need my backup, Tinker Bell,” I said.

She ignored me. “If you don’t want me yelling at your tasty treat, how about I tell her what you told me?” Finally her attention swung back to me. “Every time I ask him if he’s dating you, he says no. But then he gets around you, and well, you know the way he is with you.”

I did, yes. Friendly. But that was it, nothing more. “Your point?”

“I think he’s using you. Either that or he’s lying to me and himself. I only wonder what he’s saying to you.” She stomped out of the cafeteria, shoving kids out of her way.

Multiple calls of “hey” followed her.

I remained in place, one terrible fact sinking in. Mackenzie and Cole had talked about me, and quite a lot, considering she’d said “every time.”

What else had been said?

Had she asked him to get back together with her? Obviously she still loved him. But how did he feel about her?

Whether they’d done anything together since I’d come into the picture, I didn’t know and shouldn’t have cared, but…yeah, I cared.

“You should join her,” Kat said to Trina, and I knew she’d done it to remove attention from me. Any time I thought I couldn’t love her any more, she surprised me by winning another piece of my heart.

Trina was eating a sandwich and never even glanced over at Kat.

“Do you have to dive into every fight?” Frosty asked Kat. He’d been sitting beside Mackenzie, and now sat beside Trina—and tried to scoot away from her, as if he couldn’t stand the idea of Kat seeing him next to his alleged hook up. “Ali can handle herself.”

“Do you hear that pesky buzzing noise?” she asked me, ignoring him.

He gave a sad shake of his head. “You are such a child, Kitty Kat.”

“Buzz, buzz.”

“I have no idea what I ever saw in you,” he said.

She gasped and threw an orange at his head. He easily dodged. “You saw all of my wonderful qualities, you butt!”

A booming laugh escaped him. “You sure you’ve got any?”

“I’ve got plenty, and you know it!”

They weren’t officially dating, but anyone who saw them together knew they belonged with each other. She made him laugh, as proved, brought him out of his depression over Brent, and he distracted her from whatever had been bothering her. Too often lately she was pale and quiet, but anytime I asked, she waved me off and changed the subject.

I wasn’t sure what to do about her. Heck, I wasn’t sure what to do about anything.

Later that day I found myself back in the boxing ring with Cole, both of us in our spirit form, our bodies resting peacefully on gurneys, but I was too distracted to learn anything. I was stuck on Kat and kept replaying some of my conversations with her, trying to figure out what could possibly be wrong with her.

Wren and Poppy’s desertion hadn’t fazed her. “Honestly? I expected it,” she’d said. “I’d just hoped they’d learned how horrible their lives are without me the first time around.”

She’d missed several more days of school, but when I asked her why, she’d said, “My mom thought it’d be cool to spend some time together,” and once again waved it off.

“Ali!”

The snap of Cole’s voice jerked me out of my head. Just in time to watch—unable to react—as he kicked out his leg, knocked my feet together, and sent me crashing to the floor.

You need to concentrate, his expression said. We weren’t supposed to talk while we were like this.

My bad, mine replied.

He didn’t help me stand. He never did. I lugged to my feet under my own steam.

Every second I spent in here was designed to make me stronger. And you know what? I liked him so much more for it. I needed to be stronger. The zombies—

“Ali.” Cole’s booted foot kicked out again, and I crashed a second time, ending up flat on my back, the air blasting out of my lungs. He spread his arms, and I knew he was projecting “What did I just tell you?” at me.

Sorry, I mouthed as I stood.

He crooked his finger at me, a silent, You come at me for a change.

I nodded to let him know I understood. Knowing how fast he was, I didn’t give myself a moment to ponder how best to attack him. I simply attacked. Even then, he had the upper hand. I punched, he blocked. I kicked, he sidestepped. The few times he caught my fist, he should have shoved me away, twisted my arm behind my back, something. But he didn’t. He just released me and let me come at him again.

That aggravated me. For the first time since we’d begun training together, he wasn’t doing me any good. He was babying me.

More punching, more blocking. More kicking, more sidestepping.

“Wow. Gently remove your tampon, Holland, and throw her around like a man,” Frosty called.

I cringed at his volume, but only a little. I was adjusting to the magnification of my senses, even the intensity of the smells.

Lucas and Collins—who left their bodies at home, rendering the arrest anklets they wore ineffective in spirit form, as suspected—flanked his sides and snickered.

Cole glared over at Frosty.

He should have known better. I had already drawn back my elbow, couldn’t stop and didn’t think to angle. So, I finally landed a punch. In the ring, his spirit stumbled.

Over on the gurney, where his body rested, his head wrenched to the side, and blood spurted from his nose.

Okay, I couldn’t help myself. I burst out laughing. I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself, bending over, holding my stomach. And it felt good. So wonderfully good. I don’t think I’d ever laughed like this.

Cole sailed across the room and slipped into his body. He sat up on the bed, blood still gushing from his nose, and grumbled, “It wasn’t that funny,” but I could hear the amusement in his tone.

I followed the same path, and at the first touch of my spirit to my body, I was one being, the air warm, the sounds and smells back to normal. “It was,” I said. “It so was.” My giggles erupted all over again. When I at last calmed down, I asked, “Is your nose broken?”

“Nope. It’d take a sledgehammer to do much damage to me, and I’m sorry, cupcake, but you aren’t a sledgehammer.” He shook the cartilage back and forth, then wiped away the blood with the back of his wrist.

“I’d love another chance to change your mind,” I said sweetly.

“Please. I’m not stupid. Enough hand-to-hand. My face might not survive. It’s time for swords. Let’s see if you’ve gotten any better.”

I went to the Wall of Weapons at the far end of the barn while Cole moved a dummy to the center of the ring. And no, I wasn’t talking about him or one of his friends (har har) but a life-size combat doll.

Most times I worked with one of the living instead of a dummy, but yesterday I’d almost hacked off Cruz’s head for real. And not because my skills were awesome, but because I’d tripped, and then tripped him. So, today we concentrated on the basics I’d already gone over a thousand times.

I selected one of the shorter swords, with a lighter handle.

“If you’d bench-press what I tell you to bench-press—” Trina strolled out of the bathroom, dressed in her customary black tank and pants, a white towel draped around her neck “—you wouldn’t have to pick the wussy sword.”

Since that night in the forest, she had welcomed me to the group wholeheartedly. She would come up to me and chat about anything and everything when I was with Kat, something that drove Kat insane. To Kat’s credit, she’d never asked me to drop Trina. Although…could that be what was bothering her? That I hadn’t done so on my own?

Metal whistled through air as I waved my choice around with mock ferocity. “The wussy sword kills just as dead as the she-man sword.”

She ran a hand through her shorn hair and grinned. “Maybe. But you won’t look as cool doing that killing.”

“Back in the ring, Ali,” Cole called.

“Sir, yes, sir,” I said, causing several kids to laugh.

I assumed my position. Before I could take my first swing, I caught sight of Mackenzie exiting the bathroom. She was dressed in camo and armed for battle. Tonight she was on nest-hunting rotation. She nodded a stiff greeting in my direction—no hatred in her eyes.

Well, well. That was new.

“I talked to her,” Cole said, surprising me.

I know. I hit the dummy with more force than I’d intended. “So what’d you say to her this time?” The last two words had bite, I admit it.

“That whatever happens with you, nothing will ever again happen with her. I also reminded her of the fact that you saved her life.”

Whatever happens with you… The sword slipped from my hands the moment I hit the dummy, falling. I twisted, intending to face Cole, and I did, but I also scratched him on the neck as my arms flailed for balance.

“I’m so sorry!”

He wiped away a smear of blood. “Good, you should be. You can be a real pain in the…neck.”

“Hey!”

“What? I cleaned up my language.” He picked up the sword and moved behind me, properly refitting my hands on the hilt before slapping a dagger in my other hand. At first contact, a shiver slid down my spine.

“Trina carries an ax,” I said to cover my reaction. What had he meant by whatever happens with you? He was hot one minute, cold the next, and it was confusing. “Shouldn’t I learn to work with one of those?”

“Trina’s stronger than you are. She uses enough force to split bone, no matter her weapon.” Warm breath caressed my nape. “Right now, you’ll have better luck with a dagger.”

Goose bumps began to break out all over me. “If you say so.”

Motions slow and easy, Cole guided my dagger hand toward the dummy’s torso. “Zombies might not feel pain, but they feel force. Stab one here—” we sank the dagger in the side “—and the body will bow in that direction, leaving the other side wide-open.”

He guided my sword hand up and pretended to decapitate the dummy. This caused my arms to crisscross.

“As you know, in a real battle you often have zombies on your left and your right,” he continued. “Use your momentum to your advantage and spin.” He spun us both, uncrossed my arms in a graceful arc, stretching them wide, wider, until my body formed a cross.

Had zombies actually been rampaging toward us, I would have stabbed one and decapitated another. Just like that. Cole stepped away from me and had me repeat the sequence again and again, until I could do it with my eyes closed.

“What are the rules of battle?” he asked me while I worked.

For the most part, his rules meshed with my dad’s. When there was a discrepancy, I always sided with Cole. He had more experience. “Never stand still.”

“And?”

“If my dagger lodges inside a zombie’s body, let it go. Don’t try to jerk it out. That will leave me exposed and cost me precious seconds that I can’t afford to spare.”

“And?”

“If I lose all my weapons before disabling the majority of the zombies, I shouldn’t try to do any frying because I won’t be able to get my hands on them for long enough to do any good. I should run and hide.”

“Not should. Will.”

Finally the dummy was removed and I was allowed to swing my sword freely. The metal whistled menacingly. I was learning how to twirl my wrist, and thereby the sword, in a swift motion that would prevent anyone from tracking—and blocking—its descent.

When Cole was satisfied with that, and I was aching from overworking previously overworked muscles, we moved to the firing range. He selected a .22 pistol and several clips. I’d already learned how to take the thing apart, put it back together and load the magazine. In the dark.

Apparently, this kind of gun wouldn’t do much damage to a zombie, and definitely wouldn’t stop one, but it was perfect for beginners because of the low recoil.

With plugs in my ears, I aimed at the paper target and squeezed at the trigger until I ran out of ammo. I set the safety on, and placed the gun on the counter in front of me, then removed the plugs.

“Better,” Cole said. “You would have nicked his arm and hip this time, rather than the air around him.”

I scowled at him. “I’m doing the best I can.”

Before he could reply, my phone vibrated in my pocket. “Hang on,” I said, going for it. I checked the screen. Nana. She’d learned how to text, though she refused to abbreviate anything.

I want you home for dinner.

I replied with a quick: OK.

NOW.

A sigh left me. “I’ve gotta go home.” I bet another teacher had called her and complained about my behavior.

“All right. In a minute.” Cole pulled me against him and settled his chin on the top of my head. I really liked how tall he was. He made me feel small in comparison. “Do you know me well enough yet? Do you trust me?”

“I—I—” Was completely caught off guard, despite the hint he might or might not have dropped a while ago. Whatever happens with you… “I’m just a wee bit confused,” I admitted. “Why are you asking?”

“We told each other we’d get to know each other before we got serious.”

My jaw dropped. “So that’s what we’ve been doing lately?”

He leaned back, his eyes slitted, and focused on a single target. Me. “You mean you haven’t?”

“Uh, well, uh, hmm.” He still wanted to date me? Had always wanted to date me? “What about what you said to Mackenzie? Not today, but before.”

“I didn’t think we were any of her business. And I can see restraint won’t work with you,” he said drily. He stroked his fingers up and down the ridges of my spine. “So let me help you out. My favorite color is—hell, I don’t know. I’ve never cared enough to think about it. My favorite movie is—what else—Zombieland. But not because the good guys win in the end, though that’s a plus, but because Emma Stone is hot.”

I snorted. He was such a guy.

“My favorite band is—”

“Let me guess,” I interjected. “White Zombie? Slayer?”

“Red. And no, not just because I want zombies to bleed. But what about you? Who do you like? Because honestly, I’m surprised you know White Z and Slayer.”

“I like Red, too, but I’m partial to Skillet. Used to listen to them with my sister. But why wouldn’t I know the other bands?”

“You look so angelic.”

“And do you think angels are hot?” I asked primly, trying to play it cool so that I wouldn’t reveal what a mess I was on the inside. All this time, he’d wanted to get to know me and date me. What craziness!

“The hottest.”

Now I laughed, another real one that shook my entire body. Amusement was coming more easily these days. Which was kind of odd. I should have been more somber than ever. There was so much going on, so much to lose…so much to fear.

“In that case,” I said, “yes, I am beginning to trust your judgment. But…has anything happened with Mackenzie since your breakup?” I had to know.

“No. We’re better as friends, and I think she’s coming to realize that.”

“We’re friends,” I reminded him.

His hold tightened. “I don’t want to be your friend, Ali. I want to be more.” His fingers snuck under my T-shirt, so that we were skin-to-skin. “Leave your window unlocked tonight. I’m coming over to prove it.”

For a moment, I couldn’t catch my breath. “Prove it by continuing my lessons?” I managed to wheeze out. I knew what he wanted to do, I admit it, but I was beyond nervous and utterly unsure about how to respond.

He kissed my temple. “Exactly. Just not what I was teaching you in the ring.”

How a day so ripe with promise could end so craptastically, I’ll never know.

Cole’s dad called him away, so Trina offered to drive me home. There wasn’t a rabbit cloud in the sky, which was a small mercy, but my grandparents were waiting on the porch, rocking on the swing, which was not. I entered the coolness of the day and shooed Trina off before they could approach and ask her questions about herself.

The moment they spotted me, they stood and stalked into the house. I followed, leaving the setting sun—and the chaos that came with it—behind.

“Everything okay?” I asked, gazing longingly at the stairs that led to my bedroom.

“Let’s just sit down and enjoy our dinner, all right?” Nana said. “We’ll talk afterward.”

I chewed on my lower lip. I knew better than to protest. “All right.”

Dinner was meat loaf and mashed potatoes, with as much sweet tea as I could hold. All my working out had caused me to develop a major appetite, and despite the tension in the air, I sucked in the food as if I was a Hoover set on High.

As soon as I finished and said, “That was delicious, thank you,” the explosion happened.

“Are you doing drugs?” Nana demanded, her half-eaten meal forgotten.

Shock had me slinking down in my chair. “No! Of course not.”

Pops donned his sternest expression. “We want to believe you, we do, but I checked and you’re exhibiting all the classic signs.”

“What signs?” I asked, but I could guess.

“Another teacher called.” Nana rested her elbows on the tabletop. Normally so proper, I knew her lack of manners now meant she was beyond disconcerted. “You have a D in her class. You slept through her lecture. She also told us that you are hanging around the wrong crowd.”

Aha! This was about Cole. “Have you talked to the principal, Dr. Wright?” On one of my visits to her office, she’d told me she would do what she could to buffer me from trouble.

“Yes,” Nana admitted stiffly.

“And what did she say?”

“That we shouldn’t be worried, that you’re a good kid and so are the kids you’re hanging out with.”

“Well, there you go.”

“But we don’t believe her!” Nana said, beating her fist against the table. “All evidence claims otherwise.”

“Have me tested. I’ll prove I’m not doing drugs of any kind.” Mental note: ask Cole if the zombie antidote registered as a drug.

That mollified them somewhat, and they blustered about my grades for a minute or two more.

“Is someone bullying you at school?” Nana asked gently. “Is that the problem?”

“No. I’m easily distracted, that’s all. I’m still learning to cope.”

“Try again.” Pops motioned to my discolored jaw with a tilt of his chin. “We’ve noticed the bodily injuries, Ali.”

Crap. I had done my best to hide them with clothes, makeup and accessories. “Okay, you want the truth, I’ll give you the truth. I’m learning how to box,” I admitted. Better to give them some of the truth rather than a pack full of lies. “I knew you’d worry when there was no reason to worry, so I decided not to tell you.”

“Boxing?” Nana blinked rapidly in a clear attempt to jump-start her ability to understand. “Whatever for?”

“Self-defense. I want to be able to protect myself from potential attackers.”

They shared a look, and then Pops said, “Who’s teaching you and why is this the first we’ve heard about it?”

“Trina, the girl who dropped me off.” I had boxed with her a few times. “Sometimes Cole,” I added quietly.

Nana’s eyes widened, and her hand fluttered to her throat. “Oh, my. I hate to admit this, but I thought the person who dropped you off was a boy. I was going to demand you stop seeing him. Her. I still am,” she added with a nod. “Obviously this boxing thing is a detriment to your schoolwork, and as much as I respected Cole, he’s out, too.”

“Don’t say that. It isn’t a detriment, I promise you, and neither is he.”

“No. From now on, we want you home after school.”

Panic beat through me. “No.” I shook my head for emphasis. I loved them, but I couldn’t allow them to take this away from me. Training was just as important to my survival as it was to my ultimate goal. A total zombie wipeout.

“Yes.” Pops stared me down with eyes so full of determination I knew he’d met with this kind of resistance before, probably from my mom, and he had learned how to fight dirty. “We’ve tried giving you space to help you adjust. Now we’ll try another way. This way.”

For a moment, all I could hear was the ringing in my ears, then the harsh rasp of my breath joined in, creating a symphony of discordance. Cole had warned me. One day I would have to move out, he’d said. We’d both thought the reason would be my grandparents’ safety, not their own stubbornness.

I was only sixteen years old. Legally I couldn’t move out. Could I? If so, how would I support myself? A few nights ago, I’d heard Nana and Pops talking about money. They’d said Dad had taken out really big life insurance policies on both him and my mom, and they’d been debating how much to give me now, how much to put in a college fund for me and how much to keep for themselves to help pay for my food and clothing. If there was a way I could access my portion now, I’d be okay.

“You can still go shopping with Kat tomorrow,” Nana said. “We don’t want to stop you from living, we just want to create boundaries for you.”

Oh, yeah. Kat and I had planned a big day, just the two of us. I was still excited about it, but now that excitement was tinged with desperation. I needed to talk to Cole, to figure out what to do about this newest development.

Nana reached over and patted my hand. “We don’t want you to feel trapped here, but you have to make some changes, honey. If your mom were here, she would flip her top over your grades.”

“Flip her lid,” I muttered, trying not to rage and hurt their feelings. They meant well, I knew that, but this was too important. I pushed back my chair and stood. “Listen. I’m going to continue my boxing lessons, and you’re going to get on board.” There was power to my words, even in this natural realm. I couldn’t violate their free will, but I could try to change their will. “It’s good for me. I’m alive for the first time in my life.”

“Ali—”

“No. Don’t say anything else.” I didn’t want their confession to undo mine. “I’m going to my room. Just…think about this, okay? I need it more than you know.”

I didn’t wait for their replies. I stomped up the stairs and shut myself in my bedroom. Needing a distraction, I opened the journal to find out if any new passages had morphed into English. To my surprise, one had.

If you’re reading this, you are very much like me. Set apart, different. And if you’re willing to sacrifice, you can make a difference in the war of good and evil. Just ask yourself one question. How would your time be better spent? If your answer is learning how to defeat an enemy capable of destroying all that you hold dear, you’re on the right track. If your answer is enjoying yourself and waiting for the end—that end will come quicker than you realize.

Whoever the author was, he always told me what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear it.

Now ask yourself a second question. Are you willing to give up your own life to save others? If you answered yes, you’re ready for the third. Have you realized that dying is the only way to truly live?

Annnd back to code.

I thought about those parting words for hours. I’d told my grandparents I was alive for the first time. Was that because a part of me had died in that wreck with my family, only to be revived in this new world? Or was the journal’s meaning more literal? The author had once mentioned his diseased spirit—well, diseased for the zombies—and the fact that he’d had to die so that others could live. Had he allowed the monsters to feed from him?

I thought about how the zombies always fell away from me after biting me. During that last fight, I’d assumed they were afraid of what I’d do to them, how I’d retaliate. Now I wondered if they’d tasted the same disease in my spirit. Wondered, too, if they reacted the same to the other slayers.

By the time midnight hit, I was no closer to answers—and I had a new question take center stage. Where was Cole? He’d said he was coming over.

As if on cue, my phone beeped.

I read, Can’t make it, sorry. B & F found nest. Injured. Traps out, guard stationed, so stay inside. U’ll B fine. C U 2morrow.

My heart thundered, a jackhammer against my ribs. I wanted details so badly I could taste them, but I knew better than to text him back. A distraction could get him killed. Bronx and Frosty would have to be patched up, and I’m sure the rest of the gang would be returning to the nest to destroy anything the boys had left behind. But I hated that I wasn’t with them.

I tossed and turned that night, my mind buzzing with too much energy. Me and beauty z’s were not meant to be, I guess. At eight, I showered and dressed in a T-shirt, shorts and flip-flops, hiding my bruised wrists with colorful cloth “bracelets.” Though I was starved, I opted not to go down for breakfast. I had no idea what to say to my grandparents or how to handle this situation.

At last I allowed myself to text Cole. I asked how Frosty and Bronx were doing. Five minutes later, there was still no reply. He was probably sleeping. Weekends were the only times we got to rest. Well, some of us.

Kat parked at the curb at ten, as planned, and I grabbed a purse—aka my secret survival kit, complete with a flashlight, small crowbar (for beating), nail file (for stabbing), the antidote and my cell phone—and raced out of the house at full speed. I needn’t have bothered. Nana and Pops were out back, gardening.

I slid into the passenger seat of Kat’s Mustang, goose bumps breaking out over my skin. Every day was cooler than the last. I drank in her familiar scent—a soft, floral perfume—and her always-wicked smile.

“Okay, wow,” she said. “There’s missing me, and then there’s missing me. That porch-to-car sprint has got to be a record.”

There was a rosy flush to her cheeks today, the shadows gone from her eyes. “Well, then, I deserve a reward.”

“I like where your head’s at. Let’s grab a coffee before we head to the mall. My treat.”

As she drove to the nearest Starbucks, I checked the sky for the cloud of doom. Good news: no rabbit. Bad: the sky was gray, the clouds heavy as a storm brewed. If the sun remained hidden, it couldn’t prevent the sensitive zombies from emerging. Right?

I made another mental note: ask Cole. Until I knew, I’d have to stay on alert. Just in case.

“Any word from Cole?” she asked.

“About what? Why? Did you hear something?”

She purred with amusement. “Calm down. I haven’t heard anything. And I think it’s safe to say he’s all yours. I swear, he practically devours you with his eyes every day at school. I was trying to hint that I wanted you to spill any info about Frosty. He hasn’t called or texted since yesterday evening, and that’s so unlike him. He’s basically my stalker.”

Ah. “Cole mentioned that he wasn’t feeling well. He’s on the mend, I’m sure, so you’ll probably hear from him later today.” I knew he was okay because Cole wouldn’t have been able to sleep and would have contacted me otherwise.

“Probably. He tries at least twice a day to hook up with me.”

“Hook up as in…” I couldn’t bring myself to say the word.

“As in sex?” she stated plainly.

“Well…yeah.”

We reached the drive-through, but there were three cars ahead of us.

“Then yes. He was my first,” she added. “My only. What about you?”

“Uh, no. I’ve never…”

Those pretty hazels widened. “Never?”

“Ever.”

“Lucky. I wish I hadn’t. Not because it’s bad, but because it changed things. It became all that Frosty wanted to do with me. But enough about me. You’re thinking about getting down and dirty with Cole, aren’t you?” she asked, nodding encouragingly for me to respond.

“No. Yes. Maybe. Oh, I don’t know.” Agitated, I twisted my seat belt through my fingers. “I’m not even sure we’re officially dating, although he did say he wanted me to get to know him well enough and when I said I didn’t yet, he threw out details about himself as if they were bullets and I was a target.”

“Girl, he wants to dip you in Frosted Flakes and have you for breakfast. That’s his favorite cereal, by the way.”

I…had no words for that.

“For what it’s worth, I can tell you that it’s a huge step and now that Frosty is my ex, I have to live with the fact that someone I may or may not despise has seen me naked.”

A single ray of sunlight seeped into the car, spotlighting her eyes, turning them a brighter shade of green while drowning out the brown. The sun! Sweet! That was one less worry. But of course, that ray vanished a second later as if it had never been. Argh!

We crawled up a few more inches as she said, “I know you’ve kissed Cole. Actually, everyone at the club knows you’ve kissed Cole, and I’m sure we’re all surprised your lungs remained inflated and you survived. So was he any good?”

A dreamy sigh left me—and I found three little words. “He was amazing.”

Her laugh was like the tinkling of fairy bells, merry and pure. “You’ve got it bad, my friend.”

“Yeah.”

She drummed her fingers against the wheel. “Well, here’s my advice. If you decide to go for it, insist on a condom and get on the pill. And I know, I know. I sound like I’m teaching Sex Ed. But you don’t want a Baby Cole growing in the oven, do you? And think about it. Who knows where Mackenzie has been? Not us!”

To get on the pill, I’d have to talk with Nana, but even the thought of discussing any of this with her filled me with horror.

“I wish you could see your face,” Kat said, shaking her head. “Okay, so since class with Professor Mad Dog is still in session, I’m going to tell you what my dad told me, and hopefully stop you from flinging yourself out of the car. Talk to him before you do anything. I mean it, Kat. I mean, Ali. And don’t start the talk just before making out, or in the middle of making out. Sit him down before anything’s happened—when nothing’s going to happen. Once a boy gets sex on the brain, he’ll say anything to get it. Kathryn, I mean Ali, are you listening to me? You have to find out where you stand with him, but I’m begging you, please decide you’re not ready.”

“Okay,” I said, horrified all over again. First I had to talk to Nana, and then Cole? I’d rather fight zombies! “So your dad told you all of that?” Brave man.

“I meant my mom, of course.” She gave another laugh, this one nervous. “Anyway, the perfect place for you to start your conversation with Cole is that officially dating thing. Are you or aren’t you? How do you feel about that? Will he be seeing other people? Then, of course, you lead into the bigger question. Will he cuddle you afterward? Believe me, that one is important. One time Frosty left me two seconds after we finished, just kind of pulling on his clothes as he jumped out my window, and I was like, are you freaking kidding me with this, but of course he couldn’t answer because he freaking wasn’t there!”

We reached the box before I had to respond, and placed our orders. What could I have said to something like that, anyway?

She went with an iced mocha and I went with a piping hot cinnamon cream latte.

“And here’s another thing,” she said, easing toward the window to pay.

I barely stifled my moan.

“I can tell you’re a little uncomfortable with the idea of talking to Cole about this. So think about it this way. If you can’t talk to him, you shouldn’t get naked in front of him. Just sayin’.”

Would I ever feel comfortable, though?

“That’ll be nine seventy-five,” the barista said.

After the money exchange, we had our drinks in hand. I hadn’t enjoyed one of these in forever. Not since my mom had decided she couldn’t live without a caffeine boost one morning. She’d made me order a decaf, saying I was too young to have the real thing. I’d complained then, but now, the memory made me smile. She’d only been looking out for me.

“This is way better than a frosty,” Kat said, crowing at her own joke.

I think my mom would have loved Kat. She certainly would have been amused by her.

We spent several hours at the mall, just walking around, talking about nothing and yet everything, trying on clothes, even buying a few. While her taste ran toward the frilly, mine had taken a turn toward, well, the butch. Not very sexy, I knew, but nowadays I cared more about stunning the world with my sword skills than my beauty.

On our way out, we ran into Poppy and Wren, who were on their way in. Wren lifted her nose in the air, and flicked her hair over her shoulder, pretending not to see us. Poppy gave us a depressed little wave.

Wren slapped her hand. “Don’t encourage them. They’ll only drag you down to their level.”

Anger flared inside me.

“What did I ever see in them?” Kat muttered.

She acted as though their dismissal was no big deal, but I sensed the truth. Sadness swirled in her eyes a split second before she, too, flicked her hair over her shoulder and marched on.

When we were situated in her car and on our way back to my house, I said, “I know you miss them, and if you want to become friends with them again, please don’t let me stop you. You and I can still hang out, we just won’t tell—”

“Don’t make me slap you out of your crazy.” She took a corner a little too sharply. “They did this to me once before, then Frosty and I broke up and they were suddenly calling me again. Yet Justin used to hang out with Cole and now Wren’s dating him. They’re hypocrites and judgmental, and as you probably guessed, I’m all about the love.”

“True story.”

Slowly she grinned. “Besides, life’s too short to pretend and play games like that. I want to spend my time hanging out with people who make me feel good about myself. People who make me happy.”

Profound words, and something I’d learned only after my family died. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Because yes, I just made you the luckiest girl in the world.”

Just before we reached our destination, the storm spilled over. Rain poured from the sky, slamming into the windshield. She parked at the curb, and I gathered my bags.

“Come in with me,” I said. “Stay.” I wasn’t ready to give her up. “If you don’t have anything else to do, that is.”

“I don’t. You’re sure you want more of me, though? My dad says I can be hard to take in large doses.”

“Don’t make me slap you.”

She laughed, and I couldn’t help but join in.

We were drenched the moment we stepped out of the car, and soaked to the bone by the time we sprinted past the door. But we were still laughing, so I considered the experience worthwhile.

“Ali,” Nana called from the kitchen.

A wave of nervousness hit me, and I realized I should have talked to her this morning. If she brought up the boxing thing, in front of Kat, I had no idea what I’d do.

We dripped our way to the kitchen, the scent of roasting carrots thickening the air the closer we got. Nana stood at the counter, chopping lettuce for a salad.

I relaxed when she offered us the sweetest of smiles. “Kathryn, darling, can you stay for dinner? We’re having pot roast. It’s one of Pops favorite dishes.”

“Is that okay?” Kat directed the question at me.

“Of course,” I replied, my tone telling her just how silly she was for asking.

She beamed. “Then, yes, I would love to stay for dinner.”

“Great.” Nana placed the lettuce in a bowl. “Everything will be ready in fifteen minutes. Why don’t you girls go upstairs and dry off. You look like something the cat dragged in.”

That sent us into fresh peals of laughter as we tromped off. In my room, we towel dried, decided that wasn’t going to work, and changed. I loaned her a T-shirt that bagged on her and a pair of sweats that had to be folded at the waist and the legs.

Out of habit, we checked our messages. She had one from Frosty, asking if she wanted to hang out later. See? I’d known he would recover. I had one from Cole, telling me he’d pick me up at eleven. I had to smile about that. Frosty asked. Cole informed. I was excited to see him, though. He—

Thump!

At the booming noise, I spun around. A very pale, shaky Kat looked as though she’d been trying to walk over to me but had fallen to her knees midway. I rushed to her side and helped her up.

“Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine.” She limped over to sit on the edge of my bed, rubbed her hands over her face. “A little dizzy spell, that’s all.”

A little dizzy spell that had appeared suddenly, without warning. I thought of the scars on her arms. I thought of the other times I’d seen her this pale and shaky. I thought of the many days of school she’d missed.

“Kat, something’s wrong with you and I want you to tell me what it is.” I plopped beside her and crossed my legs. “No more evasions. You can tell me anything and it will never go any further, I hope you know that.”

Sighing, she threw herself backward, bouncing up and down on the mattress. “Well…you know how I told you my mom was a doctor at the hospital and that she’d told me all about you and that’s why I was there?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I lied. I’m sorry,” she added before I could utter a word. “I just didn’t want to tell you the truth. I haven’t told anyone, not even Frosty.”

“Then what is it?” Confusion and concern beat through me. “Why were you there?”

Her hands returned to her face, blocking her expression from my view. “I’m sick. My kidneys don’t exactly work right. I need dialysis, like, a lot. That’s the real reason I was up there. I overheard two of the nurses talking about you and decided to check you out.”

The concern took over and consumed me, making me shake. One word echoed in my mind. Sick. Sick. Sick. “Are you going to be okay?”

“My mom…she had defunct kidneys, too, and she died at a pretty early age. Like, just after I was born.”

“Kat.” I grabbed her hand and held on, never wanting to let her go.

Her chin went straight into the air. The overhead light glinted off the sheen of tears in eyes more green than brown. “I don’t want you to treat me any differently. I’m still just me.”

Yes, she was still one of the best people I knew. I wanted to save her, somehow, someway, as I hadn’t been able to save my family and Brent, because losing her would destroy me, and I knew it.

Every day the clock ticked—or not. The end could come in a heartbeat. A blink, a breath, a second. Gone, gone, gone.

Kat. Nana. Pops.

Cole.

I’d been keeping him at a distance, tiptoeing around him, I realized, thinking yes, I’d give him a chance, then no, I wouldn’t. Yes. No. Excited. Nervous. Always holding a little part of myself back.

Well, no longer. I was done letting fear rule my life. I’d had that thought before, but this time the words were alive inside me. This time, I wouldn’t back down.

“You said Frosty doesn’t know?” I asked quietly.

“No, he doesn’t.” Her gaze locked on mine, the gleam inside hard and harsh. “I want to keep it that way. Okay? I shouldn’t, but I still love him. If he finds out, he’ll either drop me or double his efforts to be with me for the time I have left. I don’t want him to drop me, but I don’t want him to only want me because I’m a limited time offer, either. I want him to fight for me just because he loves me.”

“He hasn’t noticed your fatigue? Your scars?”

“Well, of course he has. But the days I’m tired I tell him I’m on my period and that settles that. Girl issues scare him. As for the scars, I told him I was in a terrible fight in junior high and the little witch scratched like a sissy. He asks me for her name and address at least once a week. I think he hopes to watch a rematch.”

I wanted to laugh at that. I wanted to cry. “I won’t say a word, I promise.”

Bit by bit, the tension eased from her. “Good. And now, to purposefully change the subject, I finally finished the rumor tree. You’ll never believe who the culprit is.”

I’d stopped caring, and yet, curiosity got the better of me. “Who?”

“Justin’s sister, Jaclyn.”

“Of course,” I said, her name switching on a lightbulb inside my head. I was ashamed I hadn’t deduced the truth sooner. I hadn’t spoken to Justin since that night in the forest, when he and his crew had stolen my zombies, and Jaclyn had turned in the other direction every time she’d spotted me. “She hates me.”

“Hate is too mild a word. But it’s nothing personal, I don’t think. She hates everyone who’s involved with Cole. Even hated me while I was dating Frosty. Not that she ever said why.”

I knew why, but I couldn’t tell her.

“Are you going to say anything to her?” Kat asked.

“No,” I said with a sigh. “It’s over. Done.” I wasn’t going to risk getting in trouble over something like this, not when I had so much to lose. Plus, Cole would be all over Justin, and he had enough to deal with right now.

We all did.