Always

Five

There was no question about it. It was Martin standing in the half shadow of the awning of the booth across the square.

Lisa felt the blood freeze in her veins, then heat up and start pumping so furiously that she felt a little ill. She cast a swift, surreptitious glance at Clancy standing next to her and breathed a sigh of relief. He was examining a rather flamboyant straw basket with a big-eyed Betty Boop on the side. There was an amused smile on his lips, so he couldn't have noticed either Martin or how upset she was.

Why should he? If she hadn't spotted Martin's idiosyncratic and most arrogant stance, she wouldn't have recognized her ex-husband, either. He was partially hidden behind a stack of rattan chests as well as by the shadow cast beneath the colorful striped awning. But she knew Martin wouldn't allow himself to remain unnoticed: he would approach her with his usual belligerence, and then Clancy would have him. The trap she had been used to bait would snap shut.

"It's pretty campy, isn't it?" Clancy asked, turning to her with a grin. "Garfield the cat, Betty Boop, Mickey Mouse. I told you it was a tourist trap." His amusement faded as he caught sight of her face. "What's wrong? You're pale as a ghost."

She groped wildly for an excuse. "The heat." She smiled shakily. "I feel a little sick. You said I should take care not to overdo. I guess I should have worn a hat."

He frowned with concern. "We'll go back to the villa."

"No," she said quickly. "I'll be fine. It will pass in a minute." She moistened her dry lips with the tip of her tongue. "But I wonder if you could possibly go back to that booth we passed and pick up one of those big straw sailor hats?"

He was still frowning. "I still think-"

"I'll be fine," she repeated. She drew a deep breath and tried to speak calmly. "Just get me the hat, please. I promise not to try to run away. Even if I was tempted to bolt, I'm sure Galbraith has his eagle eye on me."

He nodded. "All right, I'll be right back. Stay out of the sun." He turned away and was soon lost in the crowd.

It had been almost too easy, but she wasn't safe yet. Galbraith would be watching. Her every move should seem natural. She forced herself to pick up the basket Clancy had been looking at and examine it calmly. She put it down again and then sauntered across the square.

Martin was watching her. She could feel his eyes on her. She had to concentrate to keep her muscles from tensing and her steps from quickening with urgency. Body language. Clancy's men would be trained observers and she musn't reveal either her tension or her panic.

She paused by a chest with fancy brass fittings only a few feet from where Martin was standing. She shook her head at the eager young boy who rushed forward to help her. "Just browsing," she said with a smile. He returned to his chair, picked up a cardboard fan with the words "Return to Paradise" boldly inscribed in red on its surface, and began to stir the air lethargically.

She saw a sudden movement out of the corner of her eye. "No, don't move! I'm being watched."

"I know that." Martin's voice was bitterly sarcastic. "Your new lover must be even more jealous than I am, Lisa. Bodyguards surrounding the villa, and you're never permitted to go out without Desmond's hand on your elbow. He likes to keep you to himself, doesn't he?" The familiar cold savagery was back in his tone. "You haven't been out of that house for two days. He must find you very entertaining."

"You've been watching the villa?" Lisa asked, startled.

"For three days. I've had a really delightful time playing voyeur while the two of you were shacked up in your little love nest by the sea. You seem to have changed your mind about not having a possessive man in your life. Or does the fact that hehas all that lovely loot make his little foibles all right?"

"Martin, you have to leave. Now. You're in danger."

"From Desmond's bodyguards? Did he think that surrounding you with those men would keep me away from you? You belong to me. You'll always belong to me. I have a launch waiting in the harbor. Come with me now, Lisa, and I may decide not to slice up your new lover." He laughed harshly. "You never did understand violence. Well, I understand it and I know how to use it. You wouldn't want him hurt, now would you, darling?"

Clancy hurt? The thought sent a swift surge of panic through her. Then she realized how ridiculous that thought was. Clancy was far more dangerous and intimidating than Martin would ever be. It was Martin who was in danger. "Listen, Martin, things aren't what they appear. I haven't got time to explain now, but you have to get away from Paradise Cay."

"Then come with me." His voice was suddenly low and urgent. "I'm in trouble, but it will blow over soon. You loved me once. Everything will be the way it was, you'll see. I need you, Lisa."

Oh, dear Lord, she couldn't stand this. "The woman who thought she loved you doesn't exist anymore, Martin. I can't give you what I don't have."

"It's the boy, isn't it? You can't forgive me for what happened to Tommy."

"No, it's not Tommy." She tried to keep her voice from shaking. "I know you couldn't help-" She broke off. "Oh, please, Martin. Just go."

"Not until you go with me. I can make it up to you. Let me try, baby."

"I'm not a baby. I'm an adult. You never understood that." Oh, merciful heaven, the tears were too close. The memories were too close.

"Desmond must be quite a man. I'm warning you, I'll find a way to get rid of him, Lisa."

"His name isn't Desmond," she said. "That's what I'm trying to tell you. His name is-"

"Isn't this the dramatic moment when I make my entrance?" Clancy asked sardonically. "Just like Hercule Poirot in an Agatha Christie thriller?"

"Clancy!" Lisa whirled to face him.

"I'm afraid you'll have to do without your hat. I thought it was more important that I meet Baldwin."

"You knew?" she whispered.

"It's fortunate you're a singer and not an actress. You'd never make it on the stage." Clancy was looking at Martin with a touch of savage hunger in his eyes. "Aren't you going to introduce us, Lisa? I've been waiting a long time for this moment. I'm Clancy Donahue, Baldwin."

"Donahue!" A flush of rage mantled Martin's classic features. His gray eyes narrowed on Lisa's white face with an ugliness that was nearly tangible. "A setup? You're shacking up with Donahue and trying to hand me to him gift-wrapped?"

"No. I tried to warn you," Lisa said wearily. "You wouldn't listen."

"You didn't try very hard. You wanted to get rid of me and then you and your police snoop of a lover could live happily ever after."

"He's not my lover." She didn't really expect toconvince him. Martin always believed only what he wanted to believe.

"Don't lie to me." Martin's eyes were blazing. "I can see the way he looks at you."

"I am her lover," Clancy said tersely. "You're out of the picture, Baldwin. You're also going to be out of my hair from now on."

"The hell I am." Martin stared at Lisa, smiling coldly. "You shouldn't have done it, Lisa. You betrayed me. Betrayers have to be punished." His voice lowered, grew silky and venomous. "You know, I was glad about what happened to Tommy. I knew you always put him first."

Clancy took a step toward him. "You're not going to punish anyone, Baldwin. If you're extremely lucky, you may get out of this with your skin, but you're not ever to think of hurting Lisa. It would prove fatal."

"Threats?" Martin's lips curled. "You're defending your wh-" His powerful left arm swept forward with a lightning-swift movement and struck the precariously balanced rattan chests. Suddenly the whole stack came tumbling toward them!

Lisa heard Clancy's muttered curse before he pulled her away from the chests that were crashing all around them. She heard the shrill, angry scream of the booth attendant, and then Galbraith was beside them. "Did you see which way he went?" Clancy asked. Lisa's gaze flew to the shadowy corner where Martin had stood an instant ago. He was gone!

"Through that alleyway in back of the booth," Galbraith said. "I put Hendricks on his tail." "Good." Clancy let go of Lisa's arm and turnedaway. "I'm going after him. Take Lisa back to the villa." He jumped over one of the chests in his path and took off running.

Lisa gazed after him in a daze. Everything had happened so fast that it was difficult to comprehend.

Galbraith placed a gentle hand on her elbow. "We have to do as Clancy said, Miss Landon. Don't worry. Everything will be fine. Clancy will catch the bastard."

It was what would happen when he did catch Martin that was turning her panic to terror. There had been so much ugliness, so much menace in Martin in those last minutes. How could he have said that about Tommy? She could feel the sheer horror of it turn her cold and sick. She'd been so sure that guilt and desperation had caused Martin's obsessive behavior toward her. Could she have been that mistaken?

"You're shaking." Galbraith frowned in concern. "Are you okay? Clancy will have my severed head in one of these baskets if he comes back and finds you sick."

"I'm all right." She wasn't all right. She could feel the dark, tattered edge of that familiar depression closing in on her, and her footsteps quickened as if to run away from it. But she knew it was useless. She hadn't been able to escape from it for the last three years. How could she expect to do so now? "Let's just get back to the villa."

It was almost dusk when Clancy returned to the villa, but Galbraith had not bothered to turn on the lights. He was lounging in one of the big easychairs in the living room, his leg swinging lazily over the wide arm.

Clancy flipped on the ceiling light as he strode into the room, and Galbraith straightened up. "Did you get him?"

Clancy shook his head. "Hendricks lost him in the alleyway." He rubbed the back of his neck wearily. "We spent the entire afternoon searching the whole damn island for any sign of him. We finally tracked down a lead to the Coast Guard office. A man of Baldwin's general description sailed a launch into the harbor three days ago and has been berthed at the dock ever since."

Galbraith gave a low whistle. "He's been living on the boat, then. No wonder we didn't get a tip-off from one of the hotels on the island."

"Well, the launch is no longer in its berth, so it's safe to assume Baldwin's gotten away clean as a whistle. It doesn't matter. I'll still get him." He shifted his gaze to the door of the master bedroom. "How is she?"

"Not good," Galbraith said with a frown. "What the hell did the bastard say to her? She seemed to be in a state of shock. Did he threaten her?"

Clancy's lips tightened. "Yes, but I don't think that's what's causing the upset. Did she eat dinner?"

"I ordered something sent over from the dining room of the hotel, but she didn't touch it." Galbraith flexed his shoulders and sighed. "I don't like it, Clancy. She's too damn quiet. I used to see guys in Nam like that." He smiled crookedly. "Those were the ones who usually ended up wandering offinto the jungle or developed a liking for Russian roulette."

Clancy felt a chill touch his spine. He, too, had seen men who had repressed pain and horror until it had become a land mine inside them. "I'll try to get her to eat later. I won't need you for the rest of the evening, John. You can tell the other guards they needn't come back tomorrow."

Galbraith's brows rose in surprise. "The surveillance is officially over? I thought you'd continue it for a few days in case Baldwin decided to come back."

"I don't doubt that he'll be back, but he's not stupid enough to make it anytime soon. He knows we're waiting for him. My guess is that he'll wait and try to catch us by surprise."

Galbraith nodded in agreement. "You think he'll still try to make trouble for Miss Landon?"

"I don't think there's any question about it," Clancy said bitterly. "Thanks to the little scenario I set up, he's not only an annoyance but an actual threat to her now. He thinks she,'s betrayed him, and there's no telling what a psycho like that will do to get revenge."

"Then she'll remain under Sedikhan protection indefinitely." It was a statement, not a question. Galbraith got to his feet. "Do I put her on a flight to New York tomorrow and arrange for an operative to cover her there?"

"No, I don't think so. I'd have to put a battalion around her to keep her safe in a heavily populated area like New York." Clancy frowned. "I may have to take her to Sedikhan."

"The lady may decide she's tired of being pushedaround from pillar to post at your convenience," Galbrath's lips curved in a faint smile. "She could have a few ideas of her own. We can't keep her a prisoner forever."

"I don't want to keep her prisoner at all. Damn, I'm tired of this mess."

Galbraith shrugged and moved toward the door. "I'll report back tomorrow and you can let me know what you've decided. Good night, Clancy."

"Good night." Clancy stood staring absently at the door for some minutes after it had closed behind Galbraith. God, he was scared. He knew what he had to do was necessary, but that didn't make it any easier. His hands clenched into fists at his sides. Do it, he told himself. Get it over with, dammit.

He turned and strode to the master bedroom and knocked briskly. He didn't wait for an answer but opened the door and walked into the room.

Lisa was at the French windows gazing out into the courtyard, silhouetted against the last rays of twilight.

"He got away," Clancy said. "I'm sure you'll be glad to know your conscience is entirely clear. Baldwin is somewhere on the high seas by now."

"I know you're disappointed," Lisa said, not turning around. "It's not that I condone what he's done, but I couldn't be responsible for-"

"I know why you did it. I'm not blaming you. I do think you should develop a better sense of self-preservation. You heard what he said to you before he took off. You're on Baldwin's hit list from now on."

"Yes," she said dully.

He drew a deep breath. It was worse than he'd thought: her voice was totally apathetic. "I've sent the guards away."

She didn't answer.

"For God's sake, say something," he burst out. "What the hell is wrong with you? I feel like I'm talking to a statue."

"I'm sorry. I'm very tired," she said like a polite little girl. "I'd like to go to bed now."

"Not now. We need to talk."

"I'm very tired," she repeated. "I'd like my sleeping pills, please."

"The hell you would!"

"It's all over. You said you'd sent the guards away. The pills are my property and I'd like them returned."

"It's not all over, and if you think I'll let you take-"

She whirled to face him. He couldn't see her face in the dimness of the room, but her body was as tense as an arched bow. "Give them to me. I need them, damn you!"

"All the more reason not to give them to you. It's time you stopped hiding behind them, Lisa. It's time you came out into the light and faced it." He kept his voice hard with an effort. He could feel her pain and desperation radiating in waves across the room. "I'll help you in any way I can, but we've got to come to grips with the problem first." He moved to the bedside lamp and turned it on. For a moment he wished he hadn't. So much pain, so much emptiness showed on her pale face. "Lisa, we have to talk about it. You can't go on like this."

Her eyes widened in sudden fear. "You don'tknow what you're saying. It's none of your business what I do, anyway. Leave me alone, Clancy."

"I can't do that. Do you think I want to bully you like this?" His eyes met hers. "Tell me about Tommy, Lisa."

"No!" She turned her back on him, staring out the window. "Get out, Clancy."

"Your son, Tommy, was born one year after your marriage to Baldwin. According to your file, you and the boy were extraordinarily close. He died in an automobile accident three years ago. Baldwin was driving and received only a slight concussion." Her spine was painfully rigid, as if he were flogging her and she had to tense to bear the blows. Lord, he was glad he couldn't see her face now. "You came very close to a nervous breakdown. You were under a doctor's care for six months, and then you resumed your career and concentrated all your energies on that area of your life."

"You have all the facts down accurately," she said, her voice brittle. "You don't need me to tell you anything."

"Yes, I do. I need you to tell me about Tommy. What did he look like? Was he blond like Baldwin?"

"No, he had brown hair, acorn brown. What difference does it make?"

"Brown eyes?"

"No, they were hazel." Her voice was a mere whisper. "Please, don't do this to me, Clancy."

"What was his favorite color? Most children like red."

"He loved yellow. Bright yellow. For his fifth birthday I arranged a party at his nursery school, and he wanted all the balloons to be yellow."

"Was he a quiet child?"

"Sometimes. When he was tired, he'd bring his favorite book and curl up next to me in the same chair." She seemed to be struggling to get the words out. "He'd lean his head against me and not say a word until I'd finished. Though most of the time he'd fall asleep before I got halfway through."

"Did he have a favorite toy he slept with?"

"Bruiser. It was a tattered old panda bear with one black eye. I told Tommy he looked like a punch-drunk fighter. It got so worn I tried to get him to accept a replacement, but he loved it so…"

"What happened to Bruiser, Lisa?"

She didn't answer. Her spine was arched with unbearable tension as if she were being stretched on the rack.

"Tell me, Lisa."

"He's with Tommy." Her voice was so faint he could hardly catch it. "I wanted him to have something he loved with him. Bruiser is with Tommy."

Oh, God, he couldn't keep this up. Why wouldn't she break? "What did Tommy look like when he smiled?"

"He had a dimple in his left cheek and he'd just lost his front tooth. I was planning on having his yearly picture taken, and I told him he'd look as ragtag as Bruiser. He laughed and-" She whirled to face him. Tears were running down her cheeks and her eyes were wild with grief. "But I never had that picture taken. He died, Clancy. He diedl" Her slender body was suddenly racked with sobs. "It wasn't fair. Tommy was so good. He didn't deserve to have that happen to him."

Clancy crossed the room in three strides, andgathered her in his arms. His hands cradled the back of her head, pressing her face into his chest in an agony of tenderness. "I know, acushla. I know."

"He was a miracle." Her voice was muffled, but the words flowed on. It was as if once started, they were impossible to halt. "A miracle. I hadn't done anything to deserve him. I'd always been a little selfish and thoughtless, yet I was given Tommy. He was so sweet and affectionate. And smart. He was very bright for his age. All his teachers said so." Her hands clenched his shirt front, wrinkling it. "I loved him so, Clancy."

He could feel his throat tighten painfully. "The dreams. What are the dreams about, Lisa?"

"Tommy. They're always about Tommy, and they're all the same. It's late at night and I'm at home. I'm happy. I even hum a little as I climb the stairs. I have to tuck Tommy in for the night, and I always love doing that. He's always so clean and sweet after his bath. Then I open the door and Tommy's not in his room. I don't understand and I walk into the room and go across to his bed. The bed is very neat and cold and perfectly made up, with not a wrinkle in the bedspread. And I look down at it and I know that it's going to stay that way. That Tommy's never going to be there again. That I'm never going to tuck him in, or kiss him goodnight, or hold him…"

He rocked her, pain exploding inside him. God, what must it be like for her? "I think I would have murdered Baldwin myself, if I were you," he said huskily.

"I thought he felt the same way I did. He neverseemed very affectionate toward Tommy, but after we separated he appeared to change. He'd take Tommy out for the day to amusement parks and the zoo. After the accident he seemed so…" She paused. "Broken. And he was so concerned when I was ill." She shook her head in bewilderment. "Oh, I don't know."

"He would have realized that his only chance with you was to fake the same bereavement you were feeling," Clancy said grimly. "He didn't sound any too guilt-stricken this afternoon."

"No, he didn't." She couldn't seem to stop the tears from running down her cheeks, but the sobs had begun to subside. "I don't understand it. I don't understand him."

"Well, I do," Clancy said. "I understand the bastard very well." Suddenly he picked her up and carried her across the room toward the chair. "But I have no intention of talking about Baldwin now." He sat down on the chair and cradled her on his lap. His hand stroked the fine hair at her temple with gentle fingertips. "That's not what you want to talk about now, either, is it?"

"No." She nestled her cheek closer. "That's not what I want to talk about."

"Tommy?"

"Yes." Incredibly, after all these years, she did want to talk about Tommy. It was as if a festering sore had been lanced and must now be purged.

"Then tell me." His arms tightened lovingly about her. "Tell me all about Tommy. Make me know him, Lisa."

And she did. Once she started, the words refused to stop. She lay there in his arms, her voice almostdreamlike as she rebuilt a world that she'd thought she had lost forever. It was not without pain. The tears flowed and ceased and flowed again as hours passed and pictures of the past flickered, became real, and then faded once again.

Clancy was silent, listening, and only his hand moved as he gently stroked her temple.

Finally the words ceased and Lisa was also silent. She lay curled against him like a weary child, drained, empty, but curiously at peace. She didn't know if it was fifteen minutes or an hour later when she broke that silence by whispering, "Thank you."

His arms tightened around her. "Don't thank me. Tommy is a part of you, and you shared him with me. You were the one giving gifts." He paused. "Is it better now?"

"Yes."

"Good." Another silence. "There isn't any way I can justify what happened to Tommy. I don't intend to, acushla. I can only share something I've learned over the years." His voice was unsteady. "I've lost quite a few people I've cared about. I've led a violent life, and I suppose it was inevitable. It never makes any sense, but it happens. When someone is taken from me, I try to use that grief."

"Use it?"

He nodded. "After I've accepted it, I try to channel all the memories and the love and let it flow to someone else. I guess it sounds a little strange, but I feel if I give enough of myself, enough of what I've been given by the one I've lost, somehow some part of that person will still survive. I don't have any real family anymore, but I have my friends in Sedikhan. Every time something happens, I give them more love, more protection, more caring." He grimaced. "By this time, all of them should be pretty well weighed down with it. Sort of weird, huh?"

"No, not weird at all," she whispered. "Beautiful."

"Well, it helps me, anyway. You might try it." He dropped a feather-light kiss on the top of her head. "Now I think I'd better let you get some sleep. You're exhausted." He stood up with her still in his arms and carried her over to the bed. He didn't bother to try to undress her, but settled her on the pillows and pulled the sheet over her.

"You're leaving?" She didn't want him to go. Something had happened in this room tonight. Intimacy had been established; bonds had been forged. In a strange way, she felt that if she had given him Tommy, she had also given a portion of herself. As for what he had given her… it could never be measured.

Clancy shook his head. "I'll stay right here." He turned out the lamp, then lay down on the bed beside her and took her in his arms. "I don't think the dreams will come, but I'll be right here to stop them if they do."

She didn't think they would come, either. He had given her so much; she should really send him away. "You don't have to stay. I'll be all right now."

His lips brushed the delicate skin at her temple. "Go to sleep," he said. "I want to stay."

She sighed contentedly and nestled against his hard strength. So hard, so strong, yet with a core of sensitivity and simple beauty that had shaken her profoundly. She was too tired to think of hiswords right now, but she knew she would soon and that they would bring her comfort. Giving. That's what he had said. Memories that constantly enriched, giving love and beauty to someone else, forming a chain that would last forever…

Lisa's breathing grew deep and even. She lay curved against him with the confiding trust of a little child. Thank heaven she'd fallen asleep so easily. Clancy knew he had taken a big risk tonight. There'd been a possibility that his instincts were wrong, that bringing the tragedy into the open would have done more harm than good. There had also been the chance that even if she'd recognized the necessity of his action, she'd have hated him for the pain he had caused. Neither of those things had happened, thank God.

He stroked her hair, staring absently into the darkness. Lisa was so alone, he reflected. He had tried to comfort her with his own philosophy, but he realized it might not apply in her case. Her dossier had stated that she had no close friends or relatives. Her parents were dead. Very possibly it was her isolation that kept her grief so raw and painful and caused her to turn inward and dwell on her loss. There had to be some way for him to help her conquer that isolation.

Clancy could feel the weariness dragging at him, and he steeled himself against it. He was almost as emotionally exhausted as Lisa, but he couldn't give in to it. Tonight he had stripped away the protective barrier against pain that she had built so carefully. By the time she awoke he had to be ready to give her something to replace it. He settled her slender body more closely against his own withinstinctive protectiveness and tried to concentrate his thoughts on what that elusive something would be.

It was still dark when Lisa awoke, and she was immediately conscious that Clancy was no longer beside her. It didn't alarm her. He had promised he would stay with her, and he wouldn't leave her. She didn't even question that instinctive and complete trust. It was just there. She sat up and brushed a tendril of hair away from her face. "Clancy?"

He was standing by the French doors. She could see the glimmer of his white shirt in the darkness. Then she saw the glimmer move and knew that he had turned to face her. "I'm right here. Everything's fine."

She knew that; she was experiencing a sense of peace and serenity she hadn't known for a long time. "Didn't you sleep at all?"

He came toward her. "I wasn't tired. Besides, I had some thinking to do. How do you feel?"

"Good," she said softly. "And very grateful. What time is it?"

"A little after three in the morning. Would you like to go back to sleep, or do you think you could eat something? You haven't had anything since breakfast yesterday."

"You and Galbraith are certainly concerned about my eating habits," she commented. "Perhaps I should furnish you with a few statistics documenting that thin is healthy." She shrugged. "I suppose I could eat something. I'm certainly toowide awake to go back to sleep." She threw aside the sheet. "But first I want to shower. I feel terribly slept in."

"All right." He flipped on the lamp by the bedside table. "I'll make an omelet for you while you shower."

"Fine." She hopped out of bed and crossed to the bureau. Pulling out underthings, slacks, and a loose green tunic blouse, she headed for the bathroom. "I'll be ready in fifteen minutes."

But when she came out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later, Clancy was still in the bedroom. He had flung the French doors wide and stood in the doorway looking out into the courtyard.

"Clancy?" She walked slowly toward him. "Is there something wrong?"

"No." He turned and gave her a reassuring smile. "I just thought we'd talk first. Is that all right with you?"

"Yes, of course." There was something about Clancy's demeanor that made her uneasy. "What is it?"

"I've been doing some thinking tonight." He took her hand and drew her out into the courtyard, where the heavy scent of honeysuckle and hibiscus drifted on the soft tropic air. "I've gone over everything time after time, but I can't come up with any other solution. I want you to know I'm not thinking of myself, though it will give me something I want, too. I honestly believe this is what you need."

"Clancy, I don't know what on earth you're talking about," she said. The lamplight from the bedroom was streaming through the open French doors, and she could see that Clancy's featureswere set and a bit grim. She laughed a little shakily. "For a man who's usually so blunt, you're certainly beating around the bush, Clancy."

"That's because I'm scared as hell." His hands cupped her shoulders and he pushed her down on the rim of the mosaic fountain. "I don't know how you're going to take this."

"Take what?"

He drew a deep breath. "Do you believe I love you?"

A shock ran through her, and she hesitated. "I believe you think you do," she said slowly.

"Do you trust me?"

She didn't have to think about that. "Yes."

Suddenly he was on his knees beside her, gathering her hands in his. "You should trust me. I'd never do anything to hurt you. Do you remember what I told you about the way I sublimate the pain of loss?"

"Yes," she said, and her hands tightened on his. "I remember."

"But you don't have anyone to turn to and channel that pain, Lisa. You don't have anyone you really love."

"What are you trying to say?"

"That you need someone." He glanced up, his expression gravely intent. "I'm saying that I'd like very much to give you a child."

She inhaled sharply. "A child!"

"I'm not suggesting that Tommy could ever be replaced. Every human being is unique and irreplaceable, and what you feel for Tommy is beautiful and special. But you still need someone else to love." He smiled a little crookedly. "I'm selfishenough to wish it could be me, but that's not in the cards. At least not yet. But the need still exists, and I know you'd love your own child." He brought her palm to his lips and kissed it. " Please. Let me give you that child."

"Clancy…" Her thoughts were a wild, whirling jumble of fragments.

"I'm not asking any commitment from you. You don't even have to marry me, if you don't want to. The child will be completely yours. I'll sign papers swearing to that." He was silent for a moment before adding haltingly, "I would like you to stay with me until the child is born, if you can see your way clear to do it." His lips twisted in a self-mocking grimace. "You know what a protective bastard I am. I'd worry about both of you, if you weren't right under my nose."

"It's crazy," she declared softly. She felt an odd, glowing warmth deep within her that had something to do with the way Clancy was looking at her with that touching little-boy earnestness. Just as Tommy had looked at her when he'd done something wrong and wasn't sure how she'd react. She stiffened with surprise when she realized how naturally the thought had come. Not with that familiar jolt of pain, but gently, as if Tommy were still with her. Perhaps now that Clancy had freed her from that icy trauma, Tommy would always be with her.

"Not so crazy," Clancy said, playing absently with her fingers. "You want me, so that should make the sex part tolerable."

Lisa almost burst into an hysterical giggle at that. Considering the sexual tension that hadexisted between them in the last few days, the word "tolerable" was scarcely appropriate.

As Clancy continued to enumerate the advantages one by one, like a solemn-faced child reciting a lesson, she was once more reminded of Tommy. No pain again. It was becoming easier all the time. "I'm rich enough to provide for you comfortably," he continued, "and naturally I'd support you handsomely. You wouldn't want for anything, Lisa, after the baby was born. I realize you will continue your career and would need to arrange for reliable domestic help." Suddenly he frowned. "If you go on tour, I'd like you to send the child to Sedikhan while you're gone. I don't like the idea of the baby being without one of us for long periods of time."

"You've thought all this out very thoroughly," she said quietly.

"It was a long night, and I knew you'd need a solution to the new questions I'd raised. It was my job to give it to you."

So he had given her his solution. Generously, selflessly, with the open-handed simplicity she had come to associate with him. "Clancy, where the hell is your sense of self-preservation?" she asked. "What are you getting out of all of this?"

"Quite a bit." He smiled. "At least nine months of you in my bed and in my life. A child that I can love, even though he won't be completely mine. I can live with that. Before you came into my life, I didn't think I'd ever have a child at all."

She felt tears brimming behind her eyes as she remembered the sweetness and wonder she had known with Tommy. Clancy should experience what she had; he would make a wonderful father-gentle, protective, wise. He shouldn't be cheated out of that joy. "I couldn't do that to you."

He shook his head. "Don't you see? It would be a gift like the one you gave me when you told me about Tommy. There would be no guilt on either side." He kissed her palm again. "Fair exchange, Lisa."

"Not fair at all. I'd be taking. You'd be giving," she said. "I'd have to be even more selfish than I was in my ivory tower days to take you up on a proposition like that."

"You're wrong." His hands tightened on hers. "So wrong. Believe me, there's no way I'd feel like a martyr if you accepted this proposal. I'd feel lucky as hell."

"Then you're an idiot!" Her voice broke and she had to wait a moment before she could speak again. "Clancy, I don't want to talk about this any more right now."

"All right." He gave her hands an affectionate squeeze before releasing them and rising to his feet. "We'll drop it for the moment, but there's one question I'd like to ask first. Would you like to have a child?"

Would she? When Clancy had first said he wanted to give her a child, she had experienced shock and then sheer heady joy. She'd realized after Tommy was born that she was a woman with a strong maternal drive and needed a child to complete her. Motherhood had brought joy and warmth and love. But it also had brought shock and an unbelievable pain. Could she risk that pain again? "I don't know." Her hand moved in a gesture of helplessness. "I'm so confused. There are so many things…"

Clancy nodded his head. "I know that. It's a decision that no one can make but you." He turned away. "Think about it. I believe it's the answer for both of us. Let me know when you've made up your mind." He glanced back over his shoulder. "I suppose you don't want that omelet now?"

Food? She shook her head. "You've given me too much to digest as it is."

He smiled. "If I'm going to fatten you up, I'd better schedule discussions like this after you've eaten."

"Oh, I don't know," she said dryly. "A fattening-up would definitely be the result if I yielded to your persuasion on the topic of this particular discussion."

He chuckled. "You're right." His expression grew serious. "I'd love to see you pregnant with my child. There's nothing more beautiful than a woman with that particular bloom on her."

His eyes were so intent that she felt suddenly breathless. "You certainly have weird ideas on female allure. As I remember, the only bloom I noticed when I was carrying Tommy was in my stomach. I looked like I'd swallowed a watermelon."

"I'd like to see you like that," he said softly. "Think about it." He turned and walked into the house.

How could she help but think about it when her head and emotions were whirling like a top? Did she want another child? Was it fair to take from Clancy, even though he said it was what he wanted? If she had a child, would she be able totake it and walk away from Clancy? Every instinct rebelled against that last thought. She couldn't hurt anyone like that. Particularly not Clancy, who was kind and honest and loving. She couldn't walk away from Clancy at all.

She stiffened as that last thought emerged haphazardly from the tempest in her mind. Then it solidified into a conviction of unshakable certainty. She didn't want to leave Clancy Donahue, no matter what the circumstances. She wanted to live with him and bear his children and have him smile down on her with that rare warmth until the day she died. Love. She loved Clancy. It shocked her as deeply as his proposition had earlier. Why hadn't she realized she'd been tottering on the brink in the past days? Oh, Lord, now she was more confused than ever.

Lisa stayed in the courtyard for hours, staring into the darkness, lost in thought. It was only after the first streaks of dawn lit the sky that she began to know a sense of peace. The decision had been made. It was a decision that both frightened and elated her. There was nothing like going for broke, she thought as she stood up. Not only was she going to run the emotional risk of another pregnancy, she was about to accept the even greater challenge of being in love for the first time in her life. She was stiff from sitting on the rim of the fountain and so exhausted from strain she felt a little dizzy. She would have loved to collapse on her bed and go to sleep, but she knew she couldn't do that. Clancy deserved an answer from her as soon as possible.

She wanted the child. She wanted Clancy. Thosetwo facts had become clear in the previous hours. Yet the knowledge of her love for Clancy had come so quickly that she was still uncertain. What if she told Clancy she loved him and found out later she had mistaken sex and gratitude for something deeper? She was a complete novice at this love business. What she had felt for Martin hadn't even come close to what she was feeling now. It wasn't fair to Clancy to make any admissions until she was absolutely sure. And what if Clancy discovered after he made love to her that sex had really been the attraction for him? Then he'd be trapped in a relationship he no longer wanted. Something she knew all about, she thought wearily. No, for both their sakes she'd best move cautiously.

She walked across her bedroom and through the foyer to the guest room Clancy had been occupying since he'd brought her to the villa. She drew a deep breath to steady herself as she paused outside the door. Then, without knocking, she turned the knob and opened the door. The drapes were closed, retaining the darkness of night in the room. She could barely discern the outline of his long body lying beneath the sheet in the large bed across the room.

"Clancy?"

"I'm awake," he said quietly.

She swallowed hard. "I do want to have a child. I want to have your child."

He didn't speak for a moment, and she wished she could see his expression. What if he'd changed his mind and had been lying here cursing his idiocy in making that offer?

"I'm glad," he said, his voice thick.

He hadn't changed his mind! She felt a wild surge of joy rush through her. "Only I don't think the terms were fair. I think we should sign a contract stating that we'd each get custody six months of every year."

"Whatever you like."

"And I'll support myself and the child when he's with me."

"I don't think that-" He broke off. "We'll talk about it later. You're very sure?"

"Yes, I'm very sure." Dear heaven, she loved him so much.

"I'll order the jet for later this morning. You'd better go to bed and get some sleep now." "Jet?"

"I'm taking you to Sedikhan. I'm taking you home, Lisa."