Antigoddess

9 PREMONITION

Andie grabbed Cassandra’s arm. Something had apparently happened on the movie screen that Cassandra should take note of. Or something was about to happen. Andie had already seen the thing twice, so she couldn’t be sure. Either way, it didn’t matter. To Cassandra, the movie on the screen was images and noise. A distraction. Something meant to block out the memory of blasted dust and flying glass, and screaming.

It’s not working.

Despite the sheer volume of the theater and the thick smell of buttered popcorn, despite the color and spectacle of everything happening in the made-up story playing out before her eyes, the only thing she could see or hear was that explosion. It was huge, on repeat inside her head. It spoke of the death of innocent people. Lots of them. And it hadn’t happened yet.

Cassandra stood and made her way to the end of the aisle, ignoring Andie’s startled questions about where she was going. She shoved through the theater doors and stalked through the lobby, past the concession and the restrooms. She didn’t stop until she was outside. The cold and dark seemed as far as she could get from the explosion. From the heat and choking dust. But the minute she was clear of it, her mind started it up again from the beginning.

How many of them would die? Who were they? And what did it have to do with her? Because it had something to do with her, that much she was sure of.

Why can’t I stop it? What’s the point of seeing, if I can’t stop it?

She walked quickly around the side of the building, down the shadowy alley that somehow still managed to smell faintly of buttered popcorn.

“Cassandra?”

She jumped at the sound of Andie’s shout.

“Cassandra? Are you out here?”

Cassandra craned her neck and saw Andie walking through the parking lot, looking in every direction. She drew farther back into the shadows and walked behind the theater, then slipped across the alley, staying in back crossways until she couldn’t tell what she was behind anymore.

Andie couldn’t help. The distraction hadn’t worked. And Cassandra hated to see that look on her face, when she knew it.

As she walked her brain went back over every option she could think of to stop the explosion, options she’d already crossed out as infeasible. She couldn’t call in bomb threats to every building in every major city. But maybe she really could talk to the police. They employed psychics sometimes. They might believe her.

Even if they did, it wouldn’t make a difference. They couldn’t figure out where it’s going to happen any better than I can.

She ground her teeth as she walked, and felt the passing wind slowly freezing her ears and making them sting. Her arms and fingers were cold too. She’d left her jacket back at the theater.

“Cassandra?”

She gave a little yelp as Aidan appeared in front of her, and jerked so hard in the opposite direction that she almost fell on her butt. He held his hands out.

“It’s just me! Andie called me. She said she couldn’t find you.”

Cassandra laughed bitterly, and pointed her finger at him.

“See, why couldn’t I foresee that? You, jumping out of that alley. At least that would be something I could use!”

His shoulders slumped. He frowned. For a second she wished he wouldn’t care so much, so she could complain about things he couldn’t fix without feeling guilty.

“Why did you leave the theater?”

“Why do you think?” She put her fists to her temples. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to snap. It’s just driving me crazy.” She peered up at him. “How did you find me?”

“I wasn’t far away. It just took some looking.”

“You’re not stalking me, are you?”

“A little. But it’s warranted. Come here.” He held his arms out and she went. He folded her into his chest and kissed the top of her head.

“Aidan, I’ve never wanted to stop anything so badly. I’ve never seen anything that felt so important. I mean, I felt horrible for your sister, but—”

“I know. It’s different. But it’s the same. You can’t stick your neck out. You can’t be found.”

He was so warm. She twined her cold fingers under his shirt.

“You make me feel safe.”

He sighed. “Don’t say that.”

“Why not?”

“Because it shames me, that I can’t protect you from them. From this.” He drew back and looked into her eyes. “But I’m trying.”

“I don’t blame you. This isn’t your fault.”

“You’re so cold.”

Waves of heat flowed from him into her, through her chest down to her toes and fingertips. Like sunlight. A safe spot she could curl up in. She pulled free.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just, don’t do that right now. I want to be cold. I want to walk in the dark until I can’t feel my toes.”

“You want to suffer, because you can’t save them.”

“I deserve that. I don’t even know who they are.”

But I’m the reason they’ll die.

She was sure of it as soon as the shock of the initial vision wore off. Those women, whoever they were, would die at the hands of gods who were looking for her.

Cassandra paced. She seethed. She wanted to pummel the cement of the building beside them until her knuckles bled and her hands were broken.

I don’t want to hide. I want to save them.

She took a deep, slow breath, and clenched her teeth. More even than saving them, she wanted to stop the gods. Grind them into paste if she had to. Sudden heat tingled in the palms of her hands, and she shook them in the cold air.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Always.”

“Part of me wants the explosion to happen. So it can be over. A small part. Because—”

“Because every hour that passes until then is like walking in a shadow.” Aidan nodded. “Because at least once it’s over, you won’t be able to do anything about it anymore.”

Cassandra nodded. Of course he understood. He always understood.

And he would. He’s so wise. He’s a god.

The sudden bitterness of the thought caught her by surprise. The knowledge of the explosion had kept her from thinking too much about Aidan and what he was. But she realized she hadn’t kissed him since the night he’d told them the truth.

I will. Just not now.

He gestured with his head and shoulder down the alley. So harmless looking, with his hands stuffed into his pockets.

“Can I walk you home now?”