Be Still My Vampire Heart

CHAPTER 24

Angus wandered quietly into the nursery at Romatech. Shanna had wanted a nursery next to her dental office, so she could tend the baby and the occasional patient, and Roman had readily agreed, for he liked having his family close by. She was busy changing the baby's diaper, and the mirror over the table reflected both her and the bairn.

Of course Angus didn't show up, so he cleared his throat to let Shanna know he was there.

She turned her head. "Angus!" Her smile started off joyful, but quickly faded to a look of concern.

He was used to that now. People looked at him like he was some sort of ghost. He felt like one, a shadow without a soul.

Shanna's gaze shifted back to the baby. "I didn't know you were in town."

"I just arrived."

She snapped the baby's outfit around his chubby legs. "Are you staying at the townhouse?"

"Aye." He could see her frowning in the mirror.

"That's good. Stay as long as you like. You… probably shouldn't be alone right now."

Did she think he was suicidal? Why kill something that was already dead? His body still functioned, but his heart had shriveled from constant aching, and his mind was worthless.

He'd tried to get some work done at his London office, but he couldn't concentrate. It was so bad, he was considering passing the business on to Robby. Every time Angus tried to look at a report, it blurred before his eyes. All he ever saw was a mental picture of Emma releasing her last breath of life. The image haunted him. It was the last thing he saw before slipping into death-sleep, and it greeted him each time he awakened.

He choked on his meals and could barely swallow. It always tasted like the last drop of blood he'd taken from Emma. He roamed from one place to another—Paris, London, New York — but there was no escape from what he'd done.

He handed Shanna a package wrapped in brown paper. "I brought this for the bairn."

"Oh, how sweet!" Shanna showed the package to Constantine. "Look! Uncle Angus brought you a present!"

The baby waved his arms and legs.

Shanna ripped off the paper, opened the box, and dug through the tissue. Her eyes widened as she pulled out a small pouch of black moleskin. "Oh, it's… lovely. Thank you."

"Ye're welcome."

Her blue eyes twinkled as she gave him a devious look. "So, you gave him a… purse?"

Even that didn't get a rise out of him. "'Tis a sporran for a young lad."

"Ah." Shanna opened it and removed the tissue paper from inside. "This will actually come in very handy. He can use it to carry around little toys or… a small chemistry set."

She made a face. "Roman's already bought him one."

"I would suggest duct tape."

Shanna laughed and gave him a hug. "Thank you. It was a very thoughtful gift."

He nodded. Now that he'd delivered the present, he didn't know what to do with himself. Shanna picked up Constantine and swayed gently from side to side. "Does Roman know you're here?"

He shrugged. "I doona think so."

"I'll get him. And don't make fun of his hair."

"What?" Angus stiffened when she shoved the baby into his arms.

"Watch the baby till I get back." She rushed from the room.

"But—wait!" Angus experienced a moment of sheer panic. What was she thinking, handing him a wee baby? He hadn't held one in five hundred years. His heart raced, pounding in his ears. What if he dropped the wee thing?

He squeezed it against his chest and felt the wee legs kicking him. Bugger, he was probably crushing the poor babe. He relaxed his grip and swiveled, looking frantically for a safe place to put the wee beastie down. The changing table? Nay, he might roll off there.

Angus spotted the crib and walked toward it. He passed by walls painted like a pastoral scene—blue sky, green fields, fat cows, and fluffy sheep. "Are they expecting ye to be a farmer?"

The baby thumped him in the chest with a closed fist.

"Och, a warrior then?" Angus glanced down at the baby and halted mid-stride.

Constantine was studying Angus with the brightest blue eyes Angus had ever seen. More than that, there was an intensity to the baby's eyes that seemed to hold Angus captive.

Instantly Angus's heart calmed to a steady beat. The pain that had muddled his brain for the past eight days slowly melted away. He took a deep breath as a sensation of peace flowed through him.

The baby gurgled.

"Did ye do that?" Angus whispered.

The baby stared back, and Angus sensed an intelligence that was far from infantile.

"Angus!" Roman called as he entered the nursery.

"Roman, yer bairn—" Angus looked up and forgot all about the baby. "What happened to you?"

Roman shrugged. "I didn't even know about it till Shanna noticed it." He ran a hand through his dark hair, now shaded silver at the temples. "Fortunately, she likes it."

"Yes, I do." Shanna followed him into the nursery with Connor. She smiled at Roman.

"He looks very distinguished."

He smiled back and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"How did it happen?" Angus asked.

"Remember the drug I invented that enables us to stay awake during the day? Well, after a few days of trying to take care of Constantine 24/7, Shanna looked really exhausted."

"And being the noble guy that he is," Shanna added, "Roman took the drug every day for five days to help me out."

"And it turned yer hair gray?" Angus asked.

"Silver," Shanna corrected him. "And only at the temples. I think it's gorgeous."

Roman snorted. "But you forbid me to take the drug again."

"Because it's aging you." Shanna turned to Angus. "Laszlo did some blood work on him and discovered that he aged a year for every day he stayed awake."

"Bugger," Angus grumbled.

"It is bad," Connor added. "I had hoped we could use the drug in the war against Casimir, but we're no' likely to get Vamps to volunteer for it if they know it's going to make them older for the rest of eternity."

That was bad news. Angus looked at Roman. "So ye're five years older now?"

"Six, actually. I used it once before to rescue Laszlo. But I doubt we'll ever get anyone else to use the drug."

An idea sprung to Angus's mind. He glanced down at the baby in his arms. His mind seemed to be working clearly again. "I think I know someone who wouldna mind aging about ten years."

"Not the baby," Shanna muttered.

"Nay." Angus looked up. "Ian MacPhie."

"Oh, aye," Connor whispered. "Ian would take it."

"Good." Roman nodded. "You're looking a little better, Angus."

Only because of the bairn. "Yer baby is… special."

"Of course he is." Shanna took Constantine from him. "How did you two get along?"

"Verra well." Angus followed her to the crib. "He has… bonny eyes."

"Yes." Shanna smiled as she placed Constantine in the crib.

"What is this?" Angus touched the unusual mobile hanging over the baby's head.

"Bats?"

Roman chuckled. "A gift from Gregori. His idea of a joke."

"Aye." Connor wound up the contraption. "It plays the theme song from the X-Files."

The tinkling music started, and the blue plastic bats flew around in a circle. Constantine 's eyes widened, and he flailed his arms and legs.

"I heard you gave the baby a sporran," Roman said. "Thank you."

Connor chuckled. "Just doona give him any Scotch whisky till he's—oh, about eight."

"Eight?" Shanna gaped in horror.

Connor grinned. "He'll need a claymore by the age of ten."

Shanna shook her head. "Men. Always planning ahead for a violent world."

Roman frowned. "As long as evil abounds, we have no choice." He put a hand on Angus's shoulder. "How are you, old friend? Are you ready to talk?"

Angus wandered back to the crib and stared at the mobile. The bats were circling now at a slower pace. "There's nothing to say."

Shanna huffed. "Emma obviously disagrees. She's been trying to contact you for a week."

Angus closed his eyes briefly. He knew he was being a coward.

"I e-mailed her," Roman said. "I told her to come and be changed back whenever she was up to it."

"Did she say when she was coming?" Angus asked. The bats were slowing to a stop.

"She didn't answer," Roman said. He joined Angus at the crib. "She may want to discuss the matter with you first."

Angus gripped the crib railing. "She wants to rant at me for killing her. I know she hates me."

"Are you sure about that?" Shanna asked softly.

"Of course she hates me!" Angus paced across the nursery. "I turned her into the verra creature she hates the most."

"Then why hasn't she come here to get changed back?" Shanna asked.

"I think you should see her," Roman said. "What if she wants to forgive you?"

Angus snorted. "How could she?" He couldn't forgive himself.

"All things are possible through love," Roman whispered.

Angus closed his eyes as he felt tears gathering. He swayed and placed a palm on the wall to steady himself. He couldn't go on like this, overwhelmed with such guilt and failure. He'd sworn to protect her, but he had killed her.

A knock sounded on the door. "I'm looking for Angus MacKay," a strange voice announced.

Angus turned to see a young man in a suit, hovering by the door. "I am the MacKay."

The young man entered the nursery, smiling. "You're a hard man to find, Mr. MacKay."

He handed Angus an envelope. "You've been served." He strolled from the room. Angus ripped open the envelope and scanned the papers. "The devil take it." The papers slipped from his hands and fluttered to the floor.

"What is it?" Roman asked.

Angus leaned against the wall, stunned.

"I have to return to London. Emma is suing me for pain and damages."

"I have good news and bad news," Richard Beckworth announced when Angus strode into the solicitor's London office.

"Is she here?" Angus's heart thundered in his chest. A part of him dreaded seeing Emma again. He recalled her beautiful face that had once gazed upon him with so much love.

Now he imagined it full of hatred and recrimination. How much more pain could his heart endure?

But another part of him longed to see her. She had every right to be angry. He'd transformed her against her will. If she needed money so she could take time off to recover from the trauma he'd caused, he could understand that. In fact, he'd give her enough to make sure she never wanted for anything. He just wanted her to return to a normal, happy, mortal life.

"Miss Wallace and her solicitor are in the conference room." Beckworth relaxed in the chair behind his desk. "First, I wanted to catch you up to speed, old chap. The good news is they want to settle out of court."

"Of course they do." Angus sat in a wingback chair facing Beckworth. Richard had been his solicitor for the past hundred and seventy-five years. "She can hardly walk into a mortal courtroom and claim that I killed her. Even though I did."

Beckworth winced. "Don't admit to any wrongdoing in their presence. It was also a brilliant move on your part to get rid of your harem last week."

"What was brilliant about it? It cost me a bloody fortune." Angus had inherited five Vamp women when he became the British coven master in 1950. He'd ignored them for years. They were stashed away in his castle in Scotland, and Beckworth handled their monthly allowance.

After this ordeal with Emma, Angus had wanted to return to his castle, but he didn't want the harem there. Beckworth had drawn up the necessary papers to set them free.

Unfortunately, the price of their freedom had been high. Angus had agreed to buy them a townhouse in London and pay support for ten years.

Beckworth shook his head. "Imagine how upset Miss Wallace would be if your harem was still intact."

Angus swallowed hard. "Does she know about them?"

Beckworth snorted. "Of course. Her solicitor was eager to add the harem to her list of grievances, accusing you of polygamy."

"Bloody hell. I was never married to them."

Beckworth shrugged. "Common-law marriage. The point is moot, though, since you've already legally separated from them. Her solicitor will make a stink of it, but don't worry, their case is weak."

"Richard, I doona mind paying damages. How much has she asked for?"

Beckworth winced. "That's the bad news, old chap. She doesn't want money. She—she's asking for controlling interest in MacKay Security and Investigation."

"What?" Angus leaped to his feet. "She wants my business?"

"Not entirely. Just fifty-one percent."

"She canna have it!" Angus paced across the office. "Why would she ask such a thing?"

The answer dawned on him immediately. That clever vixen. She knew exactly how to inflict the sharpest wound. His business was the closest thing to his heart, other than her.

"The obvious reason is revenge, but there could be more to this request." Beckworth steepled his fingertips as he considered. "Perhaps she feels insecure about making a living for the rest of eternity. This move would certainly give her long-term job security."

Angus snorted. "I would have gladly given her a job. And a damned good salary."

Beckworth frowned. "If this goes through, she'll be giving you a job."

Angus scowled at the carpet as he paced. "I'll offer thirty percent." That might be a good idea, actually. If he could keep her working alongside him, perhaps her anger would dissipate in time, and she would learn to love him again. "She can have up to forty-nine percent, but no more."

Beckworth's eyes widened. "Are you serious? Your company's worth a fortune."

Angus shrugged. His mission of protecting the innocent and tracking down murderous vampires had always been more important than the money. He had very few needs, other than bottled blood and a safe place to sleep. "I need to take care of her."

"You're in love with her, aren't you?"

Angus slowed to a stop. "Aye, I am." There was a hint of a smile before Beckworth schooled his features. "Go on to the conference room. I'll be there as soon as I get some papers together."

Angus took a deep breath. It was time to see Emma.

Emma fidgeted in her chair. What was taking so long? Her stomach was in knots and her heart was pounding. What if Angus was furious? What if he thought she was attacking him? Shame on him for driving her to such drastic measures. She jumped at the sound of footsteps outside the door. Angus was coming. She stood.

The door opened. Her breath hitched when he entered. His face was slanted downward, so she couldn't see his expression. He turned to shut the door.

He was wearing the familiar blue and green plaid kilt. Her heart ached with longing. He turned to face her. His green eyes widened.

Oh God, he looked pale and thin. Wasn't he eating right?

He gazed around the room. "Where's yer solicitor?"

"I asked him to leave for a moment." For the whole night, actually.

Angus stepped toward her. "Ye're looking well."

"Thank you." He didn't seem very angry. "I thought we should talk."

He frowned. "I doona think that is wise without our solicitors present."

"I really don't want to involve them."

Angus snorted. "Then ye shouldna have sued me. Do ye hate me so much?"

She folded her arms across her chest. "Why didn't you tell me about your harem? You told me all kinds of stories about your past, but you conveniently left them out."

"There was nothing to tell. I inherited them like ye would an automobile."

"And you never took them for a test drive?"

"Nay, I did no'."

Emma's mouth fell open. "You didn't? Not even… around the block?"

"Nay." He glowered at her. "I wasna interested in them. I wanted the job of British coven master. 'Tis an honor, and I was proud to be the first Scotsman to hold the position."

"Oh. Congratulations."

He grunted a response.

"And they never tried to seduce you? Are those women crazy?"

"Enough with the harem," he growled. "They're gone."

"I know, but surely they were… attracted to you."

He arched a brow. "Ye think I'm a fine catch?"

"Of course."

His mouth twitched. "They thought I was a barbarian."

"What silly women." Emma stepped toward him.

"Aye." He gave her a wary look. "I suppose ye want to rant at me now."

"A little. I suffered through the most traumatic event of my life, and you didn't stay with me. You left me in a stranger's house, and you wouldn't answer any of my calls."

He grimaced. "I know ye hate me. I know what I did was unforgivable." He squared his shoulders. "So I'm willing to give ye forty-nine percent of MacKay Security and Investigation."

Her mouth fell open. "Forty-nine percent?"

He gritted his teeth. "I know ye want fifty-one, but that's no' reasonable. That's revenge."

"I don't want revenge. I don't want you to suffer at all."

He gave her an incredulous look. "Then why are ye doing this?"

Idiot! She wanted to strangle him. "Did you give me any choice, Angus? I tried and tried to talk to you, but this was the only way I could get your attention!"

"Fine, ye have my undivided attention. Feel free to rail at me for destroying yer life and causing ye so much pain and misery."

"The only pain you caused me was your neglect."

He snorted. "I overfed on you and left ye too weak to defend yerself. And then, when ye were injured and dying because of me, I killed you."

Her breath hitched. Now she understood. He'd left not because he was rejecting her, but because he was overwhelmed with guilt and shame. And that could only mean that he still loved her. There was still hope.

She took a deep breath. All the things she had planned to say flew from her mind. "I… missed you."

"I missed ye, too." He watched her warily. "Why did ye no' go to Roman to be changed back?"

She wandered down the table to the window. "I decided I liked being… undead. I can kick major ass now."And I could be with you.

"Ye would give up being mortal to become a creature ye hate?"

"I don't hate all vampires." She gazed out the window at the lights of the city. "And all the people I love are already dead."Including you.

"Then why are ye suing me?"

She turned to face him. "I never wanted to sue you. This was all just a ploy to force you to talk to me."

His mouth dropped open. "Then… ye want nothing from me?"

She walked down the length of the table, skimming her hand along the tops of the chairs.

"Actually, I do want a few things."

"I'll give ye whatever I can."

"I want the harem completely out of your life."

He shrugged. "They were never in it. Ye shouldna let them concern you."

"Well, they do." She reached the end of the table. "You see, I want you legally free in case you decide to marry." She slanted him a nervous glance. "That was what you call a strong hint."

His mouth dropped open.

She winced. "Okay. Not a very well-received hint."

"I–I thought ye hated me."

"No, Angus. I want you. I love you. Even when I was throwing up, I loved you." She winced inwardly. That was not the romantic confession she had practiced the night before. Fortunately, he appeared too dumbfounded to notice.

She stepped toward him. "I'm glad you're the one who changed me. Do you know why?"

He shook his head.

Her eyes welled with tears. "Because you had already changed me on the inside. You taught me the true meaning of love. Love doesn't please itself by seeking revenge. Love sacrifices itself for the good of others." A tear rolled down her cheek as she drew closer. "That's what you did, Angus. You gave up all hope for peace and happiness in order to save me."

His eyes glimmered with moisture. "I love you, Emma. I feared ye could never forgive me."

"Forgive what?" Another tear slipped down her cheek. "You did me no wrong."

"I fed from you to save myself. And it left ye too weak to defend yerself."

"I gave myself willingly. I couldn't bear the thought of living without you."

"Oh, Emma." He wiped a tear from her face and looked at the pink stain on his finger.

"Look what I've done to you."

"I know." She grabbed his hand and kissed it. "Look at me. I'm stronger and wiser because of you. I used to live for revenge and hate, but now I want to live for love."

His breath caught as a tear tumbled down his face. "I should have listened to Roman. He was right."

"What did he say?"

Angus cradled her face in his hands. "He said all things are possible with love." He kissed her brow. "I'm still having trouble forgiving myself."

"Don't worry." She skimmed her hand down his kilt. "I think I can help you feel much better."

He smiled. "In that case… " He lowered himself onto one knee. "I should ask ye to marry me."

She fell to her knees in front of him. "Yes, you should."

"Then ye agree?"

"Yes." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "And we have to live happily ever after. That's part of the contract."

His smile widened. "I just happen to have a solicitor nearby. We could have it put into writing."

"Your word is good enough for me." Emma glanced to the side. "Right now, I can think of a better use for that conference table."

Angus's eyebrows rose. "Och, ye're a clever lass." He scrambled to his feet. "I'll lock the door."

Emma wandered to the window and smiled at the city lights and starry sky. The night was her life now. And she had an eternity of nights to spend with the man she loved. She closed the blinds as she felt his arms circle her waist.

He nuzzled her neck. "I love ye, Emma Wallace."

She leaned back against his sturdy chest. "Forever and a night."