Be with Me

Fifteen

I cried so hard and for so long that it was worse than having a hangover, and the entire front of Jase’s shirt was drenched.

It was not a pretty sight.

Why he didn’t untangle my arms and push me away was beyond my understanding, but he held on. Cupping one hand to the back of my head, he held me to his chest as best he could with the gear shift between us, running his other hand up and down my spine. The whole time he whispered soothing, nonsensical words until he finally made me laugh.

“I always knew I’d make an excellent human tissue.” He dipped his head so that his chin rested atop my head. “Thank you for letting me achieve that dream.”

He was one durable tissue.

When I finally pulled myself together, we left Morgantown. I needed to call my mom, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that yet. She’d support me no matter what I did with my life, but she’d loved watching me dance and compete. In a way, it had been her dream, too.

When we neared Martinsburg, I glanced over at Jase. “Do we have to go back yet?”

“No. We can do whatever you want.”

Going back to that dorm meant going back and facing the future. Like all the classes I needed to take more seriously. “I mean, you probably have—”

“I’m where I want to be,” Jase said, sending me a look that shut me up. “You don’t want to go back yet. Fine. I got the perfect place we can go.”

“You do?” My voice sounded stuffy, and while I was curious to what level of a hot mess I looked, I didn’t dare peek in the mirror.

“Yep.” He winked.

The corners of my lips tipped up as I tugged the band out of my hair. Silence descended between us as we took the road that led to his parents’ farm, but he veered off halfway, turning between two thick oaks.

I clutched the oh-shit handle, my eyes widening. “Is this a road?”

He grinned. “Yes. No.”

A narrow strip of ground was beaten down to where only a few patches of grass peeked through the packed soil. “If this is a road, it’s the kind those kids took in Wrong Turn.”

Tipping his head back, Jase laughed deeply. “Trust me. Where we’re going is much better than where they were heading.”

“That’s not saying much.” With my hand clamped on the handle, I swallowed hard as the Jeep bumped along. Jase gripped the steering wheel hard, and the grin on his face as he winged around trees and rocks was contagious. The motion didn’t hurt my leg, not with the brace on, and before I knew it, I was laughing as I hopped in the seat. In those precious moments, I forgot everything.

“Hold on,” Jase warned.

The Jeep dipped into a gully, and I hooted as we bounced back up. The trees cleared away, revealing a grassy field blanketed with tiny, white flowers. Several yards ahead, the field eased into a body of water. There was a wooden dock that looked rather lonely.

He slowed down, coming to a stop a few feet away from the dock. “Welcome to the Winstead Lake,” he said, turning off the car.

“That’s what it’s called?”

He laughed. “No. It’s really just a pond. But it’s deep enough to go swimming in the summer, and there’s a lot of fish in there. It’s where Jack caught his first fish actually. He did it the first time I brought him out here.”

I smiled, picturing the two of them sitting on the edge of the dock, fishing poles in hand, and one of them much, much smaller. “How old was he?”

“Three,” he said, a proud smile forming on his lips. “He’s got fishing in his blood.”

“And horseback riding?” I unbuckled my seat belt.

“Yep. And he rocks at drawing stick figures, too.” He flashed a quick grin when I laughed, and I was happy that he’d still talk about Jack so easily knowing that I was privy to the truth. “Stay put, okay?”

My hands froze near the door handle. “All right?”

Jase hopped out and headed around the back of the Jeep. The hatch opened and then shut. A few seconds later, he reappeared a few feet away. Leaning back in the seat, I reached down and picked at the brace through my jeans as he spread a dark blue blanket over the dainty flowers.

Emotion clogged my throat, and I struggled to get it to go away. God, sometimes when I was with Jase, it was like all my girlie fantasies were coming true, but even my imagination wouldn’t have created a scene like this.

Was any of this real?

My fingers trailed along the edge of the brace. It was real. The good and the bad.

When he returned to the Jeep, he opened the door and then stopped, looking concerned. “You okay? The ride didn’t hurt your knee, did it?”

“I’m fine.” I smiled as I blinked. I needed meds or something. “Can I move now?”

“Nope.”

“No?”

A lopsided grin appeared as he reached in and gently maneuvered me so that my legs dangled out of the Jeep. Our eyes met as he slipped an arm under my knees and the other around my back. “Hold on.”

My heart did a backflip. A perfect one. “You do not need to carry me.”

“I know,” he replied. “Now hold on.”

I folded my arms around his neck. My fingers fisted the shirt along his shoulders. “I could use my crutches.”

“And I’m using my brawny, spectacular muscles.”

“They are quite spectacular,” I admitted.

He grinned. “Damn straight they are. Ready?”

I nodded, and he lifted me up smoothly. I felt kind of stupid as he carried me over to the blanket, but the ground was uneven and the crutches would’ve been a real bitch. When he sat me down, I reluctantly loosened my hold on him. “Using crutches on campus is going to suck butt.”

“It is.” He sat beside me, facing the pond. “But from what the doc said, it didn’t sound like you’d need them for long.”

I stretched my legs out on the blanket and reached down, adjusting the brace through my jeans. It had taken me forever to get used to it the first time. At the thought of having to wear this for weeks, if not months, my mood plummeted as if I swan dived off the top of the Empire State Building.

Tucking the loose hairs back behind my ears, I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. With the exception of the chirps from the trees around us, there was no other sound. The place was tranquil. A place I wondered if Jase visited when he needed to think or get away. “Does this place get a lot of traffic?”

“We’re at least two miles from the farm, where Mom and Dad are, but this is still our property,” he explained. “No one comes out here except us, and they aren’t going to be coming anywhere near here, so we can stay as long as you want.”

I dropped my hands into my lap. “Thank you for bringing me out here.”

“No problem.” He nudged my arm with his. “You sure you don’t want to pick up those pain meds the doc gave you a prescription for?”

The script was burning a hole in my pocket. “No. I mean, it would be nice to take them and just not care, because that’s how they make me feel, but I need to deal with this. You know?”

“I get that, but you shouldn’t be in pain.”

“I’m not in a lot of pain.” And that much was true. It hurt, but it was manageable. Beside me, Jase lay back, folding his arms under his head. For a few moments, I got a little lost staring at the straight line of his nose and the way his lashes fanned to an indecent length. “Can I ask you something?”

“Something.”

I smiled, remembering my drunken response from Saturday night. “Why don’t you live at the farm? You love being around Jack. I’m surprised you’re not living there. I mean, can I ask you that?”

“Yeah,” he said immediately, frowning slightly. “I want to. You know, I’d be able to spend more time with him, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. It makes it . . . harder, especially when Mom and Dad do the parent thing with him. I want to step in and that would just confuse him.”

“Understandable.” I wet my lips. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

I gave a lopsided shrug. “It’s just, what you face with Jack is hard. You’re trying to do the right thing, but what’s really the right thing? No one knows. It’s got to be hard.”

“It is. That’s why I’m not sure if telling him the truth will ever be the right thing,” he admitted, and I was relieved that he was talking to me about this, because this was more important than my stupid leg. “On the flip side, shouldn’t he know? And what if he finds out by accident when he’s older? That kind of shit keeps me up at night.”

Reaching over, I squeezed his hand. “I think you’ll figure it out.”

He didn’t say anything, but there was something about the way he looked at me that forced the words beyond my lips.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I whispered, switching my gaze to the still waters. That’s how I felt. Too still. As if my life was stuck on the pause button. “I thought . . . I always thought I’d be able to go back. That I would dance again. That’s what I always thought I’d do and now . . .” I trailed off, shaking my head.

“Everything has changed,” he added quietly.

I nodded as I blew out a breath.

“I said it before and I’ll say it again. Sometimes some really good things come from something unexpected.” His lashes lifted, and the intensity in his gaze was unnerving, as if his words meant more than what he was saying. “I know that’s not easy to swallow right now and doesn’t help you, but I’m speaking the truth.”

I nodded again. “You’re talking about Jack?”

“I am.”

I looked over my shoulder at him again. His gaze was trained on the cloudless, deep blue sky. One side of his lips curled up. “You know, you’ll make a great teacher, Tess.”

A strangled-sounding laugh escaped me. “You said I’d be unhappy being a teacher.”

“No. I said that you’d be happy doing it, but it’s not what you want.”

“How’s that any different?”

He slid me a sideways look. “It’s very different. Teaching could become something you want and something you love to do. You just need time.”

Time was a funny and fickle thing. Sometimes there was never enough of it, and other times it stretched out endlessly.

“I really believe that,” he said quietly.

Pressure clamped down on my chest. Maybe he was right. Maybe tomorrow or next week or next month, all of this wouldn’t seem like such a death sentence. But right now, I felt like I was free-falling, my arms flailing and there wasn’t anything to grab onto to stop my fall.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” I said, voice hoarse as I squeezed my eyes shut.

“What do you want?”

“I . . . I don’t want to think about this. Maybe that makes me weak.”

“It doesn’t,” he said, and I felt him roll onto his side.

“And I don’t want to feel this right now—this emptiness and uncertainty and confusion.” The next breath I took was shaky. “I just don’t want to feel this.”

Maybe I should’ve gotten the prescription filled.

There was a moment, perhaps no more than a heartbeat, and then his hand wrapped around the curve of my elbow. My eyes snapped open when he tugged me onto my back. Air hitched in my throat as his lean body hovered over mine as he rose up on his elbow.

“I have an idea,” he said with a small grin. The teasing look didn’t reach his eyes. Something else burned there. A powerful intensity that caused the muscles in my stomach to quiver. “And I think this idea will definitely have you feeling something else.”

“You do?” My heart rate picked up.

“Uh-huh.” He placed the tips of his fingers on my cheek and very slowly dragged them over my parted lips and then down my throat. “I have a degree in art.”

My brows rose. “What?”

“You didn’t know?” His hand moved farther south, over the hem of my shirt and then he stopped, his palm resting against the swells of my breasts. “I have a degree in the art of distraction.”

I laughed. “That’s so lame.”

“But it’s working, right?” He grinned as he lowered his head. His lips brushed the curve of my cheek, exactly where his fingers had been. “You know what else?”

“What?” I shivered as his hand moved again, sliding between my breasts and resting just below my belly button.

“There’s something else I have a degree in.” His lips grazed the corner of mine, and a rush of tingles shot over my skin. “You’re going to say it’s lame, but I’ll know the truth. You’re secretly amazed by my skill.”

“God only knows what it is.” I moved my lower lip, to bite down on it, but Jase beat me to it. His teeth caught my lip in a gentle nip. I gasped at the unexpected sensation, and he took that as an invitation. Covering my lips with his, he slipped his tongue in, twirling it over mine and then flicking along the roof of my mouth.

Heat surged through my body, coiling low in my stomach. A sharp pulse shot to every limb as he explored my mouth with his, kissing as if time was truly a luxury we both had. When he lifted his head, my lips felt pleasantly swollen.

I placed a hand against his chest, delighted to find his heart was pounding as fast as mine, and he was the one doing the kissing. “You have a degree in kissing?”

“That . . .” The firm glide of his lips over mine deepened as his hand moved down. He deftly undid the button on my jeans. “And in taking girls’ clothes off.”

I laughed and he caught the sound, turning it into a soft moan I couldn’t hold back. He answered with a deep sound that vibrated against my chest. My mouth dried as a thrumming hum of desire buzzed through me. In the back of my mind, uncertainty lingered—not the same as earlier, but a concern for Jase and me—for us. There were no labels between us, or definitions of what we were to each other, and I desperately wanted to place a label there. I wanted that security of tomorrow with him, the promise of another kiss. And I wanted more than that.

But then his hand slipped under my panties and the feel of his fingers nearing the very center of me scattered all thoughts and concerns. He really did have a degree in distraction, because my whole being became focused on what he was up to with his hand.

His lips scorched a path down my neck, nuzzling the skin as one long finger skimmed through the wetness between my thighs. I jerked at the intimate touch. He hadn’t touched me with his hands last time, so the whisper of his skin against mine was new and different and just as intoxicating.

Jase pressed a trail of hot, wet kisses up to the sensitive spot under my ear as he made another teasing pass with his finger. My entire body vibrated.

His hand stilled as he lifted his head. Our gazes locked. His eyes were a startling quicksilver. “I can’t forget the taste of you,” he said, and my entire body flushed. “And I’ve been dying to know how you feel.”

God knows I was not a blushing virgin on a good day, but his bold words absolutely scandalized me . . . in a totally good, wicked way. The fact that we were lying out in the open might also have something to do with that.

He kissed me again, resting most of his weight on the arm beside my head. The pressure of his finger below increased, and the knot in my lower stomach tightened. My body jerked on reflex, and another deep, grumbling sound came from him.

“You’re so wet,” he said in a husky voice, and I burned at those words. “I love it. You were probably like this before I even got my hand down there.”

Oh dear . . .

I swallowed hard, and he chuckled. “Am I embarrassing you?” he asked.

“No.” His words made me feel something entirely different.

“Good.”

Jase lowered his head, claiming my mouth in a kiss that shook me inside and out at the same moment he thrust one finger inside me. The sound that rose from me was muffled by his lips. I gripped his shoulders as my hips tipped up, seeking more. And I got more.

He pressed his palm against my most sensitive area, and lightning struck my veins. My toes curled in my flip-flops and both my legs jerked. A lick of pain encased my knee, but the other sensations racing through my system overwhelmed everything else. Desire clouded me. Jase was dangerous in all the right ways.

“God,” he groaned, tugging on my lower lip as his finger moved in and out. He added another finger, stretching me as he broke the kiss, resting his forehead against mine.

A tremble rocked his body as my hips followed his hand. The way his self-control stretched to its breaking point was my undoing. The tension unraveled, whipping through my body. Seeking his kiss, I came with his tongue tangled with mine, and the tremors seemed to go on forever.

Jase eased his hand away, but he stayed there, above me for a bit, his cheek pressed against mine as I dragged in deep breaths. It took me a few seconds to realize that he was breathing just as hard. When he rolled onto his side, I missed the weight of him, the warmth and closeness.

He pressed up against me. The pleasant numbness had sunk deep into my bones, but I could feel his hardness. I wanted to see him. It had been dark Saturday night, but what I could see and feel had been rather impressive. I also wanted to give him what he’d given me. I started to reach for him, but he caught my hand and brought it to his lips. He dropped a kiss to each of my knuckles. “I told you. This was for you.”

I didn’t know what to say to that as my eyes fluttered shut. A thank-you was definitely in order, but that seemed widely inappropriate. Not that I was turned off by doing inappropriate things obviously. Hell, my jeans were still unbuttoned, and I knew if I looked down, my polka-dotted undies would be peeking through, and I didn’t care enough to zip up my pants.

He kissed my temple then, and my heart did another crazy jump. And then it did a series of leaps that spelled L. O. V. E. The rush that came after that was so intense it was almost as frightening as it was consuming.

God, I wasn’t falling in love with Jase.

I was in love with him.

Probably had been since that night he showed up at my parents’ house, nearly three years ago, and that hadn’t lessened learning that he had a son, and one day that could turn into a very tricky situation, especially if momma ever reappeared, but we were here, together . . . but not.

“Hey,” Jase murmured, placing two fingers under my chin. He turned my head to his. “Where’d you go?”

Straight into crazy land. That’s where I went. Suddenly, I had to go there—go there with him, because my heart was already there, making itself comfy and happy, and I needed to be careful. I needed . . .

I needed that label.

Or I needed the truth of what we were to each other, and I needed that now.