Bear Naked

Chapter Two

My dreams lately were all extremely dirty ones, and tonight’s dream was no different. Big hands, thick with claws and furred with hair, grabbed at my breasts. They pawed at my clothes, tugging them away from my body. I moaned at the feel of those hands on my body and arched my back, offering my nipples. I wanted them sucked on, teased, stroked, petted. But those hands simply jerked at my clothes, and it didn’t seem quite as sexy as it normally did in my dreams. My pulse was pounding between my legs, and I could feel a heavy weight on top of my own.

Yes, I thought. Yes, finally.

Dream-Nikolina gave a throaty growl in her throat, and it was returned by the male that covered me. The male whose hands tore at my sleeping bag, shoving my ripped clothes down my legs. The male whose hands hadn’t even finished transforming from bear to human…

I came awake with a start when the male flipped me onto my stomach so hard that it knocked the air out of my lungs.

I shook my head to clear it, disoriented. It was dark, pitch dark, nothing but the endless stars above. The only sound was the thick, heavy rasp of breathing. Had I imagined it? Dreamed so hard that I woke myself up?

A moment later, hands — barely hands, almost paws — dragged my hips backward, lifting them. I felt the prod of something hard and hot press against the junction of my thighs, felt claws digging into my hips.

Oh, hell no.

I bucked backward, hard, throwing the heavier weight of the male off of me. Panic flared through my body as I felt his cock shove against my backside, but it didn’t penetrate. I shoved harder, bucking him off.

He rolled off of me with a grunt and scrambled for me, even as I scrambled in the other direction, rolling away. I could smell the scent of unwashed shifter, now, thick with the scent of ocean and penguin and wet fur mixed with the fainter human odors.

Then he was on me again, his weight pressing on my back as he slammed me back to the ground. Again, I felt the thick bar of his erection and felt him try to pull my legs apart.

“Hey! No!” I protested, firmly keeping my legs locked together even as the male tried to mount me. “Leif, no! Get the fuck off of me!”

When there was no response to my entreaty, I rolled to my back and pushed at his chest with my hands. I barely caught a glimpse of wild beard and long, tangled hair before I flung him off of me.

I might be a girl, but female bear shifters were strong. I wasn’t about to let him rape me just because he was lost in the moment.

He scrambled back to his knees and his eyes glinted in the starlight. He hunched over a few feet away from me in the snow, just staring at me. His hands were still mostly bear paws, and his body seemed a too-muscled mix of fur and bear, more shifted than human.

He was a mess.

I clamped my legs together and dragged my torn sleeping bag over my now nearly-naked body. Great plan, genius. Got any other smooth moves up your sleeve? “Back off,” I warned him. My heart was pounding with fear, so loud that I was sure he’d be able to hear it and would decide that he could overtake me anyhow…and I wasn’t sure that he was wrong. “I want you to turn human – fully human – so we can talk about this.”

He stared at me from a distance, and I could see his eyes were still feral, still trying to process what I was saying. It was like he didn’t understand me.

It was like…he’d forgotten how to be human. He’d lost the human half of himself entirely.

That was not good.

“Leif,” I said, when he didn’t move. I gentled my voice. “Leif Ludvik. Do you remember me? It’s Nikolina Aasen. From the Aasen bear clan. You taught me how to ride my bike when I was eight.”

He gave a feral grunt, and then leaned toward me again.

“No,” I said firmly, and held the sleeping bag to my body tighter. “I’ll fight you if I have to. Don’t think I won’t.”

But he stopped. He stopped, and he stared at me for a long moment, eyes glittering in the darkness.

And then he turned and ran from my camp, on all fours, smoothly transforming back to bear form once more.

I trembled with shock, watching him go.

That had not gone how I’d wanted it to. Not at all. Shivering with more than just cold, I gathered the scraps of my sleeping bag and sleep-clothes and went back inside my tent, waiting to see if Leif would come back and attempt to force-mate me again.

I slept with a knife in my hand, just in case he was beyond reason. I’d come seeking Leif because I didn’t want to be forced to have sex with the elderly, the married, or the related. I didn’t come here to be raped.

But Leif didn’t come back.

I put on two layers of pants and piled my torn sleeping bag over my body, and lay in my tent, alert, until dawn came. Still no Leif. Eventually, I slept, and my dreams were full of teeth and claws and men with long, wild beards.

When I woke up the next morning, I was in a shitty mood. I hadn’t slept well, because I kept waking up every five minutes at the slightest noise.

A penguin squawked? I woke up.

A rock shifted in the distance? I woke up.

The wind rustled? I woke up, imagining it was Leif coming back to attempt mating me again.

Considering that I was alone with nature? I didn’t get much sleep, and I had Leif to thank for that. I didn’t want to be caught unawares again, especially if he’d gone totally feral.

The last thing I wanted was to be raped by someone in bear form.

I started a fire and boiled some water for coffee. I hadn’t brought much of the instant stuff with me, but I felt like today called for it. I was rattled, body and soul.

I couldn’t deal with a man that didn’t even remember that he was human. I couldn’t. And with me going into heat, I was going to be more and more vulnerable to his attacks. Actually, at some point they wouldn’t even be attacks, because if I needed to mate, I’d welcome his attentions, no matter how rough.

And they were rough, all right. I counted eight scratches across my breasts, one on my cheek, and three bruises on my stomach from when I’d been slammed into the ground. My hips ached, too. All in all, I hurt.

More than that, I was pissed.

Leif was a lost cause. He couldn’t even remember how to turn human anymore. I thought of his hands, still more bear than human, as they’d moved over my skin, trying to get me into position to mate. The gouges he’d left on my skin were from claws.

I’d tried speaking to him, and gotten nothing in return.

I’d have to head home. I had a satellite phone with me and could call Mikkel back from McMurdough. He’d come get me, and then we’d have to figure out something about my heat, somehow. There had to be a solution.

It was obvious I couldn’t stay here.

I began to roll up my torn sleeping bag while I waited for my coffee to brew, dashing frustrated tears from my cold-chapped cheeks. I wasn’t crying out of fear, but out of unhappiness. I’d pinned all of my hopes in the last month on finding Leif, who I’d remembered as quiet, gentle, and artistic. Sweet and loving and kind.

That wasn’t the man I’d ran into last night. And I didn’t want to see that feral man-monster again. I’d just have to go home and figure out what to do, I told myself as I crammed my sleeping bag into a tattered roll. I’d talk with my dad, see what advice he could give.

See who wants to take one for the team.

I shuddered at the memory…and stopped.

Damn it, damn it, damn it.

I was stuck.

I wanted my first time to be special. With someone that cared about me and I cared about. Someone that was devoted to me, not just servicing me for the clan’s sake. Someone who didn’t see me as a free lay just because the clan didn’t know what to do with me, but wanted to make sure the baby I had was were-bear.

I hesitated…and unrolled my torn bag. I had to stay. I couldn’t give up on Leif this easily. Even if he frightened me, he’d been half human last night.

I just needed to coax that half to the forefront.

As if my thoughts could summon him to the forefront, I saw the massive bulk of a grizzly bear in the distance. It was heading toward my camp, loping forward through the snow.

I stood, tightening my clothing on my body. It was bitterly cold this morning, but the air was still and dry, with little to no breeze.

As I watched, the bear approached until he got to about fifty feet away. Then, he crouched, stared at me for a long, long moment, and hunched over. Long, tangled brown hair sprouted from his thick neck ruff and I watched his body begin to shift to human.

He was changing.

Surprised, I averted my gaze to give him some privacy. Of all the things I expected to see this morning, this wasn’t it. After last night’s botched mating, I’d expected to have to coax him back out of hiding again.

But here he was, approaching me. Trying to change to human.

It was hard not to feel a bit of hope at that. Maybe this crazy idea would work after all.

When I heard the sound of a footstep crunching on snow, I looked up at Leif again.

He was standing, body erect, and staring down at his spread hands as if they were foreign to him. His fingers were still tipped with claws and furred, but that wasn’t surprising - fingers were always the last things to change and control. As I watched, he raised a hand to his face and touched it - and I noticed his nose was still rather snout-like.

“You probably want to fix that,” I called out helpfully, and gestured at my own face.

He looked over at me, startled, and closed his eyes, concentrating. I watched his skin ripple as he tried to control his shifting. It was clearly a strain for him - I could see a fine sweat on his naked, filthy body.

And I couldn’t help but stare.

Leif was really, really naked. And under all the dirt? Really handsome. I was surprised, though I don’t know why. I guess I’d expected him to be more world-weary and worn, but he was tanned and wiry, his muscles ropy and taut under his skin. If he was a little too skinny, I attributed it to his hard lifestyle of living as a wild animal. His face was covered with a bushy brown beard that jutted several inches from his jaw, and his hair hung in long, matted tangles down to his buttocks. His hips were slim and I averted my gaze when I noticed he had a rather thick - and erect - hard on. I focused instead on his eyes, bright blue in his darkly tanned face.

His nose and fingers were now human, I noticed, and he was carefully touching his face as if to make sure it was. When he was satisfied with what his fingers found, he looked over at me again.

“Hi,” I said softly. I didn’t move. My small fire was between the two of us, and I wasn’t entirely sure what he’d try if I let him get too close. Last night’s attack was still weighing heavily in my mind.

His jaw worked for a moment, he blinked, and then coughed out a “Hi,” back to me.

I smiled, pleased to hear his voice. “You forget how to talk?”

He swallowed hard, grimaced, and dropped to a low crouch again, as if standing erect was hard on him. “Been….awhile.”

“I understand. You need me to give you a moment?”

He shook his head, that long, tangled hair swaying. “I… fine.”

“Okay.” I didn’t move, though. I just dropped into a low crouch, my legs clamped tightly together to tamp down some of the smell of my body. After a moment, I blurted, “You going to attack me again?”

Leif shook his head again, this time savagely. “Lost… control. Came to apologize. Was…not myself.” He looked so disgusted with himself that I couldn’t stifle a smile.

“I noticed,” I said, my tone wry. In truth, I was glad to hear him admit that. If he hadn’t realized his reaction was inappropriate, I’d have been worried. I didn’t mention that my oncoming heat was the reason he’d attacked me.

I didn’t want him to turn and run away all over again once he found out my true intentions. Hi, I’m here to make a baby with you. Yeah, that probably wouldn’t go over so well.

“You’re a bear shifter?” He asked, his voice still slow and creaky, as if he’d forgotten how to speak and the memory was slow to return.

I frowned at that. “You don’t remember me?”

He shook his head, his blue-eyed gaze glassy. He shifted on his bare feet in the snow, and I realized he was probably cold. The Antarctic weather was bitter, even for a shifter. I stood slowly and reached for my torn sleeping bag, then tossed it to him.

Leif watched it roll to his feet, his thick brows wrinkling as he regarded it.

“Put it on,” I said helpfully, and mimed shrugging it around my shoulders.

He watched me for a moment, then did as I instructed, unrolling the bag and then wrapping it around his shoulders. After a moment, recognition dawned and he pulled it tighter around his body. “It’s warm. Thank you.”

“What do you remember?” I asked cautiously.

He thought for a moment, then glanced at my fire. “I remember that smell.”

“Fire?” When he shook his head, I pointed at the small silver pot sitting in the coals. “Coffee?”

A smile creased his mouth, and he flashed white teeth. “Yes, that’s it.”

I was a little dazed by the sheer masculine beauty of that smile, and couldn’t help but smile back. “Do you want some?”

He nodded, and shifted a little closer to the fire, gaze on it.

Well, this was a start. I wasn’t sure how I felt about coffee being the bigger lure than my company, but I’d take what I could get. It was disturbing that Leif didn’t remember me…or how to wear clothes. Or much of anything. I wondered if his mind had been damaged by going totally shifter for the last decade and a half. Most that went native never came back. They just disappeared into the wild and never returned.

Maybe there was a reason they never returned.

I pulled out my one thermos, rinsed it with some clean snow, and poured coffee in. Then, I extended it to him over the small, flickering fire.

He reached for it, and his fingers brushed mine. Warm, strong. His scent brushed over me and I felt a low shiver of pleasure in my belly. That’s the heat talking, Nikolina, I reminded myself. “So you don’t remember me?”

Leif raised the thermos to his mouth and drank. He grimaced at the taste, but then took another sip, as if not quite sure if he liked it or not. I smiled at his reaction. I liked my coffee super strong and bitter, and black as night. He stared down at his cup, and then squinted at me. “I seem to recall this tasting better.”

I chuckled at his displeased expression. “I didn’t bring sugar with me. Sorry.”

He grunted, and then turned his gaze on me, studying my face. I held my breath for a long moment, but then he shook his head. “I don’t remember you.”

“I’m Nikolina. Nikolina Aasen. I was ten when you left.”

“How old are you now?”

Was he not aware of how many years had passed? “I’m twenty-six.”

He stared down at the coffee thermos in his hands for so long that it grew uncomfortable. Then, he looked back up at me. “How old am I?”

I bit my lip. “You were eighteen when you left, so that would make you thirty-four.”

His brows drew down, as if he were surprised to hear that. “I see.”

I wanted to ask him if he remembered why he’d left, but I couldn’t. What if he didn’t remember that Katja had died? What if it broke his heart all over again and he ran once more? I swallowed hard. “Do you remember…anything else?”

“Not much.” He took another sip of coffee and shifted on his feet. I tried not to stare at his junk, dangling between his crouching legs. It was hard not to, though. It was just…out there. And prominent. Leif spoke again. “My memories are clouded. It’s mostly snow…and penguins.”

I smiled at that. “That’s all this island seems to be.”

He nodded. “I don’t think…” he blinked and looked at me, really focused. “I don’t think I like the way they taste.”

I laughed at that, surprised at his rueful admission.

Leif looked startled at my laughter, his muscles tensing. Then, he relaxed, and I watched his eyes crinkle at the corners, and his mouth pulled up into a return smile. “I like that sound.”

That soft flutter returned to my belly, and I clamped my legs tighter together, though for an entirely different reason this time. This time, it was desire.

He stared at me intensely for a long moment, and then his head tilted. “You are wounded.”

I touched the long scratch on my cheek. It throbbed when I thought about it, so I was doing my best not to. “Not badly.”

“Was it…me?” His mouth twisted, the smile disappearing. “Did I hurt you?”

I gave a small nod. I didn’t want to lie to him.

His face fell and he looked down at the coffee thermos in his hands. Very slowly, he set it down on the far side of the fire. Then, he stood, shrugging off the sleeping bag.

“Wait,” I said, “don’t go.” We were making progress.

But when I got to my feet, he loped away and began to change.

Frustrated, I dropped back down to my crouch and stared at his retreating figure, already turning into his bear form within a few paces. Damn it. Leif’s psyche was fragile. I’d have to tread carefully with him. I needed to get him to return, and coax him into spending more time in human form with me.

I picked up the coffee thermos and finished it off. Tomorrow, I’d brew more coffee and see what I could prepare in my supplies bag that might entice him back out for a visit.

The next morning, the scent of were-bear shifter was heavy over my campsite. I’d slept in my tent after stitching back together the pieces of my sleeping bag, and the fact that Leif had been exploring while I slept but hadn’t bothered me was pleasing. It meant he was aware of who I was and was curious enough to keep returning.

That was a good sign.

Pleased, I broke out some of my supplies and dug through them, trying to figure out what I could make over a fire. I’d stashed some chocolate away - I was hormonal thanks to the heat, and so it had seemed like a great idea. I dug out some of the chocolate and made a new pot of coffee - a bit weaker this time, in anticipation of Leif’s return. And then, I stirred a bit of my precious chocolate into the coffee and let it melt, sweetening it.

I didn’t drink it. I waited for Leif to show.

And waited.

And waited. While I waited, I pulled out my small sewing kit and tightened the stitches on my sleeping bag. I’d hastily stitched it last night but found that even the smallest gaps let the frigid air in, so I was busy re-stitching it and tightening it.

Just as I was finishing my stitches, the wind shifted and I caught the scent of were-bear on the breeze. I dropped my sewing and lifted my head, just in time to see a large mass of brown moving in the snowy hills in the distance.

“Leif?” I called out.

No response.

“Leif? I made some coffee for you again. It tastes better today, I promise,” I called. Could he even understand me when he was shifted? I could understand English just fine when I was in my bear form, but I also hadn’t spent sixteen straight years in that form.

But to my relief, Leif appeared - human Leif - a few minutes later. He looked uncertain, lurking around the edges of the camp as if afraid to come closer. His eyes watched me warily, and they were the eyes of a feral predator once more, almost all humanity gone from them.

I patted the sleeping bag next to me in invitation. I spread it out like a picnic blanket and then put the thermos of chocolate-sweetened coffee down on the center of it, and unscrewed the lid so he could catch the smell. I’d had to dump nearly a full bar of chocolate to sweeten the drink properly, but the scent that wafted up was rich and thick.

He hesitated only a moment, and then moved to sit on the blanket, wrapping his hands around the thermos. He sipped it, then closed his eyes in pleasure. “Nikolina,” he groaned.

I was startled to hear my name said like that. I supposed that was his way of saying thank you, but it was…odd. Pleasing, but odd. “You’re welcome,” I told him, and then shifted to pull the blanket around his shoulders to protect him from the biting wind. It was bitterly cold despite the sunshine and I was wearing several layers of clothing. Seeing Leif naked like that made me concerned for frostbite, despite his were-bear nature. “Do you want something to eat?”

He studied my face for a long moment, and then nodded. “If you…if you have it to spare.”

“I do.” I’d brought plenty of protein bars with me. They weren’t exciting food, but they were compact and I was able to bring a lot of them. I unwrapped a chocolate-flavored one and offered it to him, since he seemed to have a sweet tooth.

Leif took it and ate it quickly, wolfing it down. It concerned me to see him scarf the food, and I wondered if it had more to do with starvation than a lack of manners. He said he didn’t like penguin, but there wasn’t much more on this island than penguins. Maybe that was why he was so lean. “Do you want another?”

At his nod, I gave him another and watched him eat. When he was done, he returned to sipping his coffee, his gaze on me.

I didn’t move. Simply watched him and smiled encouragingly.

After a long moment, he reached out and touched my cheek with one dirty finger, caressing me. “I’m sorry.”

About the scratch there? It was almost gone. “Don’t’ worry about it,” I told him. “It’s healing up. And you weren’t in your right mind.”

I knew what that was like. Going in heat was more than a little alarming, because my body was so…hungry for it. I feared what I’d be acting like in another two weeks or so when the heat truly hit me. As shifter females, we had a fairly long lead time up to our heat. I supposed it was so we could make the proper preparations, but it also meant there was a lot of time to worry and anticipate.

Leif’s fingers continued to caress the curve of my cheek, the pads cool and rough on my skin. His gaze seemed to darken with intensity. “Nikolina,” he whispered again.

I shivered at the way he said my name. It sounded so…intense. Emotional. “Can I show you something?” I asked him.

He nodded.

Even though it pained me to pull away from his gentle touch, I stood and moved to my tent, digging out the small wooden carving I’d brought with me. I sat back down next to him and held it out.

It was a small wooden carving of a female bear with a tutu on her waist, balancing on a ball.

He took it from me, and wonder flashed across his face. A smile broke out. “I remember this.”

My breath caught. “You do?”

“I do…” He thought for a long moment, and then looked at me. “I remember a girl with pigtails and a pink tutu. She was pouting because her cousins could shift into bear form and she couldn’t yet.”

I swallowed hard, my heart aching at the memory. “And you carved this figurine and gave it to me because you wanted me to feel better.”

“I remember,” he said with a nod. He glanced over at me, and his hand went to my hair, twisted into two long braids at the sides of my face. “It’s almost the same color as before.”

“Almost,” I said, smiling. “My family is born blonde and stays blonde.”

His long fingers moved across my face, and brushed at the gold ring in my nostril. “I don’t remember this, though.”

I laughed. “I went through a rebellious phase.”

“Why?”

I hesitated at that soft, blunt question, and then decided to answer it honestly. “My fiancée, Ramsey, was cast out of the bear clans until he apologized. He was fifteen. It didn’t look like he’d ever come back to marry me, so I decided I’d do what I wanted. I pierced my nose and dyed my hair black.”

He studied me for a moment longer, and his fingers continued to caress my face. “But your hair’s not black anymore.”

“It’s not,” I agreed. “It looked awful. But I liked the nose ring, so I kept it.”

“How long did it take for Ramsey to come back for you?”

The question hurt more than I thought it would. “He…he didn’t come back.” Tears pricked at my eyes, the ache of rejection still as painful now as it had been on the first day. “He mated a wolf-shifter.”

“Then he’s a fool,” Leif said simply. His fingers brushed at the tears that threatened to freeze to my lashes. “And he’s not worth your pain.”

“I know,” I told him. “But it’s a hard thing to forget.”

A wry smile curved his mouth. “I seem to be good at forgetting.”

I almost agreed with him, but held back. It seemed impolite to point out just how much he’d forgotten. I wanted to ask him what he remembered of why he’d run away, but it seemed he didn’t want to bring it up, and I was reluctant to be the one to approach the topic. “How are you feeling today?”

His hand dropped, and he picked up his mug again. Drank. Thought. Then he looked at me. “I’m troubled.”

“Troubled?”

He nodded. “I figure something bad must have happened for me to come so far away and hide.”

Oh. “It did,” I said softly.

“What was it?”

“You sure you want me to tell you?”

“I’m not sure at all,” he said. “But I also wonder why you’re here, after sixteen years.”

I’m going into heat and I need a were-bear mate and you’re the only one left that’s not sixty or related. But the words lodged in my throat. “You can’t guess why I’ve come?”

He shook his head, his tangled hair flying. He looked like a wild man in that moment, so feral that I again questioned my sense in coming here. “I should know, though, shouldn’t I?” He tipped the thermos up and finished it, then offered it back to me. “Don’t tell me anything, actually. I want to see what comes back on its own.”

I nodded. “And if it doesn’t come back?”

“Then it might be a blessing,” Leif said. He stretched and got to his feet, and then gave me a shy smile before turning to leave once more.

I let him go, my thoughts muddy and confused. Part of me wanted to hold on to him, to have him stick around so we could keep talking…but Leif knew there was a problem. He knew me being here wasn’t normal, and needed to figure it out.

Because if he didn’t remember Katja’s death, it was going to come as a shock to him all over again….and I didn’t want to be the one to blurt it out.

I didn’t know what to do.

So I watched him go and said nothing.

He didn’t return that day, but the next morning, when I awoke, I found that a blocky, crude bear had been sculpted into the snow on one of the ridges near my camp.

Upon seeing it, I laughed and clapped my hands. So there was hope after all.