Beloved

Chapter Twenty-Seven

With a large box filled with everything I needed, I made it home before the rain started. My table is now covered in papers and diagrams while the storm rages outside. I’ve got my music going, comfy clothes on, and copious amounts of coffee in a gigantic cup. I never should’ve called out on Monday. This meeting will be a disaster because I’m not prepared. Looks like an all-nighter is in my future. My phone keeps ringing. It’s the fifth time in the last hour, but I don’t have time to deal with it.

Finally, after the tenth missed call, I grab it and see Jackson’s name across the screen. My heart starts pounding and my throat goes dry. With shaking fingers, I swipe across the screen.

“Hi,” I say softly.

“Hello, Catherine. Sorry to call so late but I just got out of a meeting.” His tone is all business.

Hearing him is a shock to my system. I’ve missed the sound of his voice. The way he says my name—it’s like home. However, he doesn’t sound like he returns the sentiment.

I straighten my back, hoping to grab on to my professionalism. This is business. He’s not calling because he missed me or wants to talk. “Not a problem. What did you need?” My voice sounds weak, even to me.

He takes a deep breath before answering. “I know we planned to finalize everything tomorrow, but I need it tonight.”

“Tonight?” I look around at all the incomplete papers. I can’t have it ready tonight! I already needed to work well past midnight to get it done.

“I’m in New Jersey. I’m assuming you’re home since you didn’t answer your office phone.”

“Yes, I’m home but I don’t have everything with me. Some things are still in the office. But I can get it to you tomorrow. Besides, it’s storming,” I say, trying to stall him. Shit!

“I’m going out of town tomorrow and I’m not sure when I’ll be back. I won’t have time. It has to be tonight,” he says, clipped and almost angry.

“You’re leaving?” I ask, confused. He was going to leave and not tell me. I know we’re not in the best place, but it still hurts to hear it.

“I need to go to Virginia. I would’ve called earlier but, like I said, I’ve been tied up. I’ll be at your house in twenty.”

I look at the clock and then at what I have done. While most would be satisfied, I’m not. It’s not my best work and the idea of giving it to Jackson unfinished makes me nauseous. There’s no way he’s going to be impressed. I’m shaking my head and trying to find another excuse when I hear him clear his throat.

“Jackson,” I sigh. His name rolls off my tongue while tearing a hole in my chest. “I can meet you tomorrow morning, before your trip. I have some stuff in the office that would complete the press release and the other items for the launch. I don’t want to give it to you incomplete.” I close my eyes. He feels so close, almost like I could touch him through the phone.

“I won’t have time tomorrow. I’ll take what you have and you can have the rest sent.”

If he wants to treat me like a business associate, then he should know showing up at people’s apartments at night isn’t exactly professional.

“I’m not happy about this. It’s late and I—”

“If I could help it, I would. I have to leave early in the morning, and I need this set in motion before I get back. So you can either have me come get it now, or you can bring it to me in New York tonight.” He takes a long pause. “I was trying to make it easier for you since I’m in New Jersey.”

“Fine, but just know you don’t have everything.”

“See you in a few,” he says and disconnects the call.

I throw down the phone and blast into action. I quickly put a bra on, pick up some dishes and other things lying around, and try to make some kind of sense of the paperwork. I only have about ten minutes until he’s here and I’m starting to panic. I snatch the phone and call Ashton.

She answers on the second ring. “Hey.”

“He’s coming here,” I say quickly.

“You called him? Finally!” Ashton sounds ecstatic.

I huff, pressing the phone to my shoulder so I can keep cleaning. “No, he called me. He needs his project early because he has to leave for Virginia tomorrow. I don’t know, Ashton. Why am I freaking out?”

“Because you love him and you know you fucked up? Just a hunch.”

“No, I—” I stop unable to complete the sentence.

Do I love him? No, it’s too soon. Isn’t it? We’ve only begun getting to know each other, but he makes perfect sense. He’s everything I want, everything I need.

Ashton breaks through the silence as I stand shell-shocked. “You just had your epiphany, didn’t you?”

I hear a knock at the door. “I gotta go,” I say and disconnect the phone. I don’t have time for a damn epiphany.

After a few deep breaths, I walk to the door. He’s right there on the other side. He said he wouldn’t come back through this door if I didn’t tell him I wanted him here. And I do want him here. All I want is Jackson. But that fear of losing him is always looming, making its way into my head, causing me to second-guess everything. I’m out of time and now Ashton’s made me even more nervous.

Another knock.

I press my hand on the door and rest my head against the cool wood grain, trying to settle my pulse. I’m brave enough for this. Maybe.

Enough stalling.

Time to be strong.

I open the door and freeze when our eyes lock. Jackson’s even more devastatingly handsome than I remember in his black pants and light blue shirt with the top two buttons undone. His hair is disheveled, but all I see is perfection. The stubble on his jaw is much thicker, making him look darker, more mysterious and dangerous. He looks tired, but I see the underlying emotions as his gaze travels my face. Despite the dark circles forming beneath his eyes, he still looks flawless.

When he gives me a small smile, everything in my world shifts. That grin and the perfectly placed dimple cause an explosion around my guarded heart. It hits me. I love him. It’s a different love than what I had with Neil. It doesn’t feel forced. It’s strong and hopeful. He doesn’t want to take from me—he gives. My weaknesses don’t scare or bother him and he doesn’t want to exploit them. No, he wants to make me stronger. And when I can’t be, he’ll be strong enough for the both of us.

I take a step forward, but before I can speak, he grabs me and pulls me against him. My eyes widen and a second later his lips crash against mine in an angry, hot kiss. Jackson’s arms wrap around me, holding me close. It’s almost crushing, but I couldn’t care less. My fingers tangle in his hair, pulling him closer even though we couldn’t get any more attached than we already are. I breathe in his scent—all male and pure sex. I try to pull him into the apartment, but he won’t budge. He breaks the kiss, but hovers over my mouth. I whimper at the loss of his lips.

“Do you want to let me in?” His deep voice goes straight to my core.

I nod yes, but he doesn’t move. Every cell in my body is awakened. I need his touch. I want him to fill me up and make me whole again. But I know that’s not what he’s asking.

“I told you when I walked out of here the last time—”

I cut him off, leaning up and pressing my lips against his. It’s pure survival. His lips are breathing life into me. Our time apart has me desperate for him. I want to ingrain this moment in my mind in case things don’t go the way I’m hoping.

Jackson grips the side of my face and pulls back. Bastard. He has the height advantage. He smiles when my lip juts out in a pout. Looking into his eyes, I know I can’t walk away from him. The last few days were hell, but now that the truth of my feelings is clear, I know the pain of really losing him would cripple me. I will fight all my fears for him.

His gaze doesn’t break, but his voice does. “You need to make a choice.”

The words tumble out of my mouth effortlessly. “Find me.”

With his hands cupping my face, his lips press against mine as he crosses the threshold. When the door slams closed, the energy changes—three days of anger, longing, and doubt rip through us. Jackson’s hands hold my face tight as he pours himself into the kiss, giving me every emotion through his mouth.

The growl emanating from his chest travels straight to my core. Every part of me is alive and desperate for him. I grab at his shirt, unbuttoning it as we move into the house. I want to feel his skin, need to feel the warmth and heat of his body against mine. But he has other ideas. Jackson twists his fingers in my hair and tugs, causing a loud moan to escape. He doesn’t hesitate as his tongue enters my mouth roughly, each stroke edging my need up and out of control. He’s pushing me back as I’m pulling him closer. I grab onto his shoulders. I’ve missed his touch.

Jackson slams me back against the wall. He breaks the kiss, ripping off my shirt and drinking me in as his tongue slides across my lips. My hands reach out to grab him, but he grips my wrists and holds them above my head. Jackson crushes his body against mine. The ache to have him grows with each second.

“Did you miss me like I missed you? Do you know how hard it was every fucking day fighting the urge to see you? How many times I had to stop myself from coming here and breaking down your goddamn door?” he asks against my ear, causing goose bumps to form everywhere.

Before I can respond, his lips are pressed against me, tongue probing for the answers I wasn’t able to give. He has me pinned, completely at his mercy, and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. It baffles me how I could’ve turned this man away.

Jackson moves his knee between my legs, further restricting my movements. Warm lips descend to my neck as he nips and kisses. I hear his phone ring but neither of us stops or cares. All I’m thinking about is him touching me. I rub against his leg, trying to create some friction to relieve the pulsing between my thighs.

He grips my hips. “Not yet, baby.”

With my hands now free, I begin to roam his body. His shirt is still half buttoned. I grip the sides, ripping it open and sending buttons flying across the room. My fingers trace the hard, taught planes of his chest, enjoying the feel of it rising and falling heavily. Leaning forward, I use the tip of my tongue, running it from the middle of his chest up to his ear. He braces his hands against the wall as his head drops to the crook of my neck. Jackson’s breathing is labored and I’m savoring how much I’m affecting him. It’s a heady feeling to have such power over a man like him.

I reach his ear and graze the edge. “Jackson,” I softly whisper, “show me how much you missed me.” I smile against his ear before he becomes ravenous.

His tears my bra off, then lifts me with his leg and rips my pants and panties down. I quickly remove his pants and start to push him toward the bedroom, but he grips both wrists in his one hand, pressing me back on the wall. His other hand slips between us as he circles my clit.

“I’ll fucking show you, baby. You’re soaking wet for me.” Jackson moans as he slips a finger into my pussy. “Did you miss me, Catherine?”

I try to pull my hands away, but he grips them harder, keeping me at his mercy. “I want to touch you.”

Jackson inserts a second finger. My legs buckle, but he holds me up easily. “I’m going to make you remember why you’re not allowed to run anymore.” His voice is primal and demanding. “You want to be found, baby?” Jackson’s thumb presses against my clit, eliciting a long moan as my eyes roll back.

Does he actually want me to answer? I’m incapable of speaking let alone answering any questions right now. With his one hand still restraining me and the other doing incredible things to my pussy, he leans forward and licks his tongue around my nipple. He brings it into his mouth, teasing and sucking. I writhe against him but get no relief.

“Jackson, please!” I’m begging for everything. I feel everything, everywhere, and I need to release. It’s too much. My head falls back as the sensations threaten to overwhelm me.

“Are you going to push me away again?” he asks forcefully while he twists his fingers and presses on the bundle of nerves with his thumb. My vision becomes fuzzy as he increases the pressure and bites down on my nipple.

“Oh God.” I’m so close. My impending orgasm is right there and I’m desperate. I move my hips, trying to get there. Jackson releases his thumb and withdraws his fingers. My eyes open in protest.

Jackson releases my hands, grasps my legs, and lifts me while rubbing his cock against my sex. “Wrap your legs around me. I want you to come when I’m inside of you.” I comply as he thrusts his dick inside me. His eyes roll back and he takes a second before he begins to move. “Fuck. You feel incredible.” His voice is thick with pleasure.

Incredible doesn’t begin to explain how I feel. I’m in complete ecstasy. All the days of being apart are gone. I’ve never been more with him than I am right now. We are one. Our bodies are connected and I’m giving myself to him in every way. My heart will never be mine again. Every fiber of my being is screaming I love you. The three words are on the tip of my tongue, but I bite them back. It’s too soon to tell him how much he owns me. With every push, I fight hard to keep them to myself. But I hope one day he’ll feel the same.

Jackson pushes deeper, slamming my back against the wall. It’s pleasure and pain combining, taking me higher toward release.

“Are. You. Going. To. Run?” He enunciates every word in between thrusts. “Tell me. Tell me you’re mine!” It’s anger mixed with hunger and need. When I don’t respond, he stops moving and stares into my eyes. “Don’t fucking run from me again!”

“Jackson!” I call out as he pounds again, harder. I swear I’m going to black out from the pleasure overload. As soon as I reach the brink, he slows, holding off my orgasm. “Please,” I beg.

“Answer me,” he demands, holding me against the wall and refusing to move.

“I’m yours!” I cry in out in frustration. “Now move!” Each nerve in my body is burning. I’m shaking, on the verge of tears.

“Damn fucking right you are.” He lifts me slowly, gradually increasing his pace and adjusting his hips to ensure he hits every nerve while his cock rubs the sweet spot inside of me. He grinds his teeth, trying to hold off his own orgasm. “Let go, Catherine.”

As my muscles coil, Jackson rears back and plunges hard, causing my orgasm to rip through me. “Yes! Jackson!” I shriek over and over as he fucks me until he finally releases.

I’m pressed against the wall as we both try to slow our breathing. That was the best sex I’ve ever had. Then I realize why it felt so different—no condom. Jackson slides out and kisses the top of my nose. I love when he does that. It’s sweet and tender. Our eyes meet before I go to the bathroom to clean up. When I come back, Jackson’s sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.

“Well that was one helluva a hello.” I laugh as I sit beside him.

His shoulders are hunched even after I sit. “I didn’t plan that.”

“I’m not complaining.” I raise my brow, giving him a playful smirk.

He pulls me against his chest with a chuckle. “Good to know. Also, I’ll make a mental note—you’re more agreeable when I fuck it out of you.”

“Asshole.” I feign anger and slap his chest. “Maybe next time I’ll refuse to answer.”

“Go ahead. It’ll just make it that much more fun to get you to agree.” His smirk reaches his eyes, fully erasing the expression he wore when he first arrived.

Jackson gazes at me with reverence. It warms me, offering reassurance in my decision to let him in, find happiness again, and stop running from fear. Some of my newfound peace comes from dealing with my father’s death. Another part is because I did push Jackson away and it forced me to see how life without him would be.

His thumb whispers across my lower lip, releasing a flurry of butterflies in my belly. A simple touch says so much. “You felt so fucking amazing. I couldn’t think straight.” He looks away with regret in his eyes.

My lips part as I kiss his thumb, enjoying how his eyes close at my touch. I look up from beneath my lashes. “We probably should’ve talked before this, but we’re good. I’m on birth control.” I smile.

Jackson gives a crisp nod. “Yeah, we probably should’ve.”

“Well neither of us thought about it, so I guess we both fucked up.”

Lacing his fingers with mine, his voice drops to a sad whisper. “We need to talk.”

“About?” I try to keep my voice steady. My heart begins to race as doubt seeps through me. Please tell me we aren’t going to go back now. I told him I was his. He pushed me to answer him. I’ve allowed myself to admit I love him. This would devastate me.

His phone rings again, but he silences it.

“The last few days were horrible. I know you thought you needed space, but I won’t be pushed away again. If you push me, I’ll push harder. I’m not your piece of shit ex who’s going to run away like a pussy.” His eyes pierce through me as he squares his shoulders. “I meant it. You’re it for me.” The sincerity rings clear in his voice.

I want to tell him. Tell him how I won’t run. How I can’t run away anymore. I love him. I love how he makes me feel. My heart clenches as I gather my strength and prepare to lay it all out for him.

“Jackson—” His phone rings again, halting me from saying anything more. He groans at the incessant ringing. “Go ahead and grab that. I’m not going anywhere.” I give him a reassuring smile.

Jackson stands, walking toward the window as he answers the phone. “What?” he says in a clipped tone.

I get up to gather the clothes we shed by the door when I hear him slam his hand against the wall. Looking over, I see his shoulders are slumped as he listens to whoever’s on the other line. “An IED?” He stops talking for a moment. “Casualties?”

I stop moving. I watch Jackson, waiting to hear what happened. It happens so fast. Jackson rears his fist back and punches a hole in the wall. My mouth is agape as I watch him continue to slam his hand against the wall. His face is contorted in pain. He looks … defeated. Do I comfort him? I don’t know what’s wrong or why he’s so upset.

He yells into the receiver, “How fucking many?”

The pain in his voice breaks me. Something’s wrong—very wrong. I walk over to him, but he puts his hand up to stop me.

His entire body is shaking and his voice cracks when he asks, “Aaron?” A short pause. “Fuck! No …” The sound that comes from his chest tears through me. It’s a cry and a scream all mixed into one, and I’m sure it’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Immediately, tears begin to form in his eyes. I want to go to him, but he turns his back to me.

I start putting the pieces together. Aaron is his buddy that works for him. He was also on the mission in Afghanistan, the one where they lost friends. He was going to maybe handle something overseas? My hand covers my mouth as I start to draw conclusions.

His hands fist into his hair as he leans forward with his head against the wall. I pray this isn’t what I think it is. He can’t lose another friend.

Please, God, don’t do this to him.

“I can’t—” he says but stops as a tear falls from his eye. “No! I’ll call her. Get the fucking plans in motion. We leave tonight! I don’t give a shit what you have to do. Wake everyone—we’re wheels up in three hours.” His phone tumbles to the floor as he stands there with a vacant look.

Jackson’s chest is heaving with exaggerated breaths. Hesitantly, I take a step toward him.

“Jackson, what happened?” I ask quietly. He turns, eyes glistening with tears, but he doesn’t respond.

I watch as he crumples to the floor. Every part of his body is quivering. I rush over, wrapping my arms around him as he sobs. He’s breaking. My chest is cracking open watching the man I love fall apart. Tears fall with every strangled, broken sound that Jackson releases. All I can do is hold him close while he unloads his grief.