Cardinal's Rule

Chapter Fifteen

None of them spoke much Wednesday morning. Tilly had planned to get up even earlier than necessary to make coffee before her workout, but Cris beat her to it. When she walked through on her way to work out, he nodded to her. She nodded back.

Subdued, Landry stepped into the shower with her later and pulled her into his arms. When he hardened against her, she kissed him and leaned against the wall as he quickly sheathed himself inside her. No words were necessary. He couldn’t hide his closely guarded worry from her, and she relaxed and turned her body over to him as he switched to French and whispered a command in her ear for her to come for him.

It surprised her when her body responded, a gentle climax that nearly brought tears to her eyes as he finished with her.

Live her life like this? As they both stood there recovering, she thought it would be a damn good life, married to this man. If he could beat the cancer, possibly a very long damn good life.

He encouraged her to go eat breakfast even though he wasn’t allowed to. When she tried to refuse, he yelled for Cris to prepare her a bagel and sent her out the bedroom door with a playful swat on her rear end.

Later at the hospital, Landry held her hand on the walk from Tilly’s car to the building. Cris grabbed their things from the car and quickly followed.

Tilly felt Landry’s fear humming through him as stress, tension from the way he held her hand to the way he walked. She squeezed his hand and when he looked down at her she winked, prompting a smile.

Good. He needed to smile today.

“You promised you’d fight for me,” she reminded him.

He nodded.”I will.”

They went through registration, Cris silently standing by unless Landry asked him a medical question about his history he couldn’t remember. Cris seemed to have it all memorized. They received a few odd looks from the staff, including the nurse who came in to prep Landry once he was in a pre-op bed. The nurse suggested Cris could wait outside. Landry told her no, he couldn’t, that his wife and partner would stay with him as long as they could.

When Tilly snuck a glance at Cris, she noted he’d perked up a little at that comment.

The thaw has started. Thank God.

Before the orderlies came to take him back, Landry called Cris over and asked him to bend down to where he lay on the gurney. Landry whispered something to him, then kissed him.

Cris nodded, perhaps a little too hard, his eyes squeezed tightly shut as he whispered, “I love you, too, Lan.”

Tilly’s turn. He kissed her. “Keep him in line while I’m asleep, okay?”

“Just a short nap. Then we’ll get you back.”

“Can I tell you I love you?”

She smiled. “Only if I can tell you.”

“Okay then.” He stroked her cheek. “Love you.”

“Love you too, buster.” He kissed her once more before they took him.

Cris stood by the door, almost looking like a lost puppy.

She didn’t anticipate the flood of pity and compassion she felt for him. No matter what, Landry loved him, and he loved Landry. Only an idiot would miss that. Even after their few short days together, she saw why Cris loved him. Master or not, sadist or not, Landry wasn’t difficult to love. You took him as you got him, and he didn’t play bullshit games.

Well, normally. And the games he did play usually had fairly concrete rules of engagement you could understand as long as you understood the man and the Master.

Cris didn’t want to meet her gaze at first. He stood there holding their things, his eyes focused on the floor. She reached up, touched his chin, and tipped his head so he looked at her. If she didn’t say it now, especially when he seemed so vulnerable, her nerve would escape her. If she couldn’t say it now, she probably never would.

For the sake of her sanity, and her guilty conscience, she needed to say it.

“I forgive you,” she whispered. “And I’m sorry for what we did to you.”

He sobbed and threw his arms around her. “I’m so sorry, Tilly,” he said over and over again.

She put her arms around him and held him as he cried, finally navigating them over to the chairs so she could sit with him.

When he finally composed himself, she took his hand and squeezed. “He’ll be okay. He’ll make it. We’ll get him through this.”

“Yeah.”

She squeezed his hand again. “Please don’t trip all over yourself trying to suck up to me, okay?

Yes, I’m still angry and hurt. That won’t magically disappear. I need time to work through that. Don’t be surprised if I throw it in your face, either. From this point on, I want us focused on him. Whatever happens between you and me during that time, we’ll keep him our priority and deal with the rest as it comes.”

He hugged her again. “Okay. Thank you, Tilly. Thank you for doing this for him.”

They moved out to the waiting room. She let him drape his arm around her shoulders and enjoyed leaning into his solid body.

She’d missed this. Feeling wrapped in safety when with him.

Well, she didn’t feel emotionally safe with him anymore, but the physical safety was still there.

If she couldn’t be with Landry, she’d settle for letting Cris comfort her.

For now.

She tried to lighten the mood and gently poked him in the side. “Don’t think you can step back into a Dom role with me, either. You try that, I’ll smack you.”

He kissed the top of her head. “I promise I won’t. I’m just happy you’re talking to me.”

They both jumped to their feet when the nurse called for Tilly nearly two hours later. She tried to take only Tilly back to the recovery room, but Tilly, glad for her years as a Domme, rolled right over her and grabbed Cris’ hand to drag him with her. “Sorry, we’re a package deal.”

Landry didn’t open his eyes when she leaned over him and kissed him. She brushed the hair from his forehead. “Hey, handsome. Welcome back.”

Cris took hold of his other hand. Landry squeezed, but still didn’t open his eyes. “I hate feeling like this,” he groggily muttered.

Cris leaned in and kissed him. “We’ll take you home, get you settled in, and you can spend the evening watching her beat the crap out of me,” he joked.

Landry mustered a weak smile and cracked open an eye. He looked at Cris, then turned his head to see her. “You two okay?”

She nodded. “While you were napping we hashed out the peace accord and declared your sick bed a DMZ.”

He closed his eyes again as he nodded. “That’s good. Just make sure you gag him when you beat him. I don’t want his screams to keep me awake.”

Landry still felt pretty out of it when the doctor came in to talk with them. “I think this was caught fairly early,” the surgeon said, “but we need to aggressively treat it considering your history.”

Landry remained quiet. Tilly let Cris take the lead role in the discussion. Thank God he was there. Even though she was familiar with the terminology, she had no clue about Landry’s treatment history. As she listened to Cris talk she spotted a ghost of her Master in his manner.

When the doctor tried to bring her into the conversation as Landry’s wife, she shook her head.

“He’s doing just fine,” she said. “Keep going. If I have any questions, I’ll ask.”

She glanced at Landry and noticed he’d opened his eyes again. A faint smile painted his face.

Then he winked at her.

They helped him get dressed after they finished speaking with the doctor. Cris helped him into a waiting wheelchair then hurried out to get her car and bring it to the front door.

Landry apparently didn’t care the nurse waiting with them could hear every word. He reached up and patted Tilly’s hand, which rested on his shoulder. “So I did hear you right that you and slave worked things out between you? Or was that wishful thinking on my part, combined with the effects of the anesthesia?”

She struggled not to laugh at the nurse’s shocked expression. Tilly leaned in and kissed the top of his head. “I think you’re still a little zonked out, but yeah, Cris and I have worked out our differences.”

“Good.” He squeezed her hand again.

A thought hit her and she knelt beside him to whisper in his ear. “Even though you said it wasn’t, this was all about getting me and Cris back together, wasn’t it?”

“No. I told you it wasn’t.” He kissed her. “But if I don’t make it,” he whispered, “I know you’ll keep him going for me, won’t you?”

It slammed home, finally. Landry didn’t think Cris could survive it alone if Landry died.

“You’re not dying, dammit.”

He stroked her cheek. “Promise me if I do that you won’t let him kill himself. That you’ll take care of him for me. You’ll keep him going for me.”

She couldn’t feel mad at him. Not when he looked like shit and there wasn’t a hint of Masterly demeanor in him at the moment. “You’re not dying, you stubborn man.”

“Please, promise me.”

She sighed. “I won’t abandon him like he did me, if that’s your worry.”

“Thank you, love.”

She sat in the backseat with Landry while Cris drove. Landry’s face looked years older than the day before. He lay with his head in her lap. At one point she realized he’d fallen asleep.

When she looked forward, she caught Cris’ gaze in the rearview mirror. Part of her hated she still felt that little spark his gaze could light in her.

They got Landry settled in bed in her bedroom. After he fell asleep again, she changed clothes and walked out to the kitchen where Cris was already preparing something.

She felt drained, exhausted. She sat at the table. “Do you mind if I just sit here?”

He turned to her, a playful smile on his face. “Why would I mind? It’s your house. This is my job.”

He’d already put his leather collar and wrist cuffs back on and stood there wearing no clothes other than his jeans. “I know what he said, but let’s get serious. I don’t expect you to be my slave, Cris.”

“You and I lived twenty-four/seven. Why do you think I would have a problem doing it now?”

“This isn’t the same.”

“It is, in a way.”

“Does it bother you that he broke his promise to you?”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“He married me. He fucked me. He brought someone else into your relationship.”

He leaned against the counter and pondered his response for a long moment. “I don’t see it that way.”

“Because it’s me?”

He slowly nodded. “Yeah. I think so. If it’d been someone else, anyone else, I would have been pissed even though I think I deserve it.”

“He loves you.”

“I know he does. If he didn’t, he would have kicked me to the curb.” He turned back to the counter.

“We have to work together to take care of him.”

“I totally agree.”

“If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell him I told you?”

His shoulders tightened. She recognized that gesture. He finally turned back to her. “I can’t make you that promise,” he said. “I’m sorry. I can’t hold anything back from him ever again. I won’t get a third chance with him.”

Fuck. “Fine. If I hadn’t agreed to this, he was going to release you without telling you about his cancer.”

Cris looked shocked. “What?”

“Yeah. Because since he found out about me, part of him worries that the only reason you came back to him is because he was a pity fuck, in his words. He didn’t want you to feel obligated to stay. If I wouldn’t be here to help, he didn’t want you going through it alone. I think he also worries that you wouldn’t want to go on if he died and left you alone.”

He closed his eyes and blew out a long breath. “That’s not why I went back to him. Jesus. I really fucked shit up, didn’t I?”

“Ya think?”

He looked at her. “I know he tried to kill himself, Til. He’s a damn good driver. The Highway Patrol said it looked like he deliberately aimed for the tree. He never hit the brakes. There were no skid marks. Clear night, no traffic, he was stone cold sober, and he’s damn lucky the car had OnStar. They called it in. Saved his life.”

Time for her to feel shocked. “He doesn’t think you know that. I made him tell me about the accident. He made me swear not to tell you.”

He laughed, long and hard. “Jesus, we Doms are a bunch of assholes sometimes, aren’t we?”

“Again, ya think?”

His eyes traveled her face. “I knew he wouldn’t fight the cancer,” he softly admitted. “Not after that. He didn’t have anyone. It’s not that I loved him more than you, or that I felt sorry for him. I…” He picked at his fingers. “Put yourself in my place, Til. Yeah, I handled it absolutely the wrong way. I admit that. But even though I was your Master, I was still, in my heart, his slave. I always have been.

Even though I loved you, I never stopped loving him. I prayed Ross would take care of you until you grew strong enough to take care of yourself. But I knew you could, eventually, take care of yourself just as surely as I knew he wouldn’t. I couldn’t let him die. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I turned my back on him when I knew he would willingly die otherwise. I made the best choice I thought I could, even though I know it was a horrible situation for you. I’m sorry.”

She felt a wave of anger and grief try to overtop her mental walls. She fought it back. “I wore Ross’ collar for six months. The only thing he required me to do was live, to lean on them. I was allowed to remove the collar for good once I could promise him and Loren that I wouldn’t hurt myself and that I could make it on my own. He never topped me. No one else has ever topped me.”

He didn’t respond.

“Would you have left me if we were married?” She didn’t want to know, and yet she felt she had to have the question answered once and for all so she could quit worrying at it like a dog with a bone.

He took a long time to answer. “I don’t know. I would like to be able to say no, I wouldn’t have left, but that would be a lie because I honestly don’t know what I would have done.” He sighed. “So the only reason you’re with him is because he forced you? Because of me?”

“No. I made the decision based on what’s right. He’s a nice guy. I do think the two of you need some serious work on your communication skills.”

His smile looked sad. “Maybe you can help us with that. Keep us in line.”

“Fuckin’ A.”

He turned back to the counter to prepare dinner. From the ingredients he’d assembled, she assumed some sort of soup.

“Where do we go from here?” she asked. “You and me. I don’t know how to deal with you. Part of me wants to beat your fucking brains out and part of me…” She couldn’t continue as guilt swept through her again.

“I’ve already got more than I dreamed I could have.” He cast a glance over his shoulder. “I never thought I would ever have your forgiveness. Anything else I consider a bonus.”

She watched him for a few minutes. “What are you making?” That should be a safe topic.

“Chicken soup. It’s one of his favorites. He won’t want anything heavy to eat, not feeling the way he does. It’ll keep his stomach settled and be easy for him to digest. He’ll sleep for several hours and it’ll be ready when he wakes up. I use fresh ginger in it to help soothe his tummy.”

The giggles rippled through her, unexpected, taking her by surprise until the laughter rolled out of her. He stood there patiently waiting her out. “What’s so funny?”

She snorted. “‘Soothe his tummy?’ Wuddums want his bwankie and baba, too?”

Cris smiled. “Hey, just because he’s a sadist doesn’t mean he doesn’t like to be babied once in a while. He hates feeling crappy. Did he warn you he’s a horrible patient?”

“Yeah, I think he did mention that.”

“He meant it. He’s a really cranky asshole when he’s sick. I guarantee you, at his worst, you’ll earn every cent of whatever he’s paying you.”

She sat in bed with Landry, reading while he slept. After a while, Cris quietly walked in and sat on the floor on the other side of the bed, his chin resting on his arms on the matress. She’d left the door open in case he wanted to come in, so he wouldn’t have to knock and disturb Landry.

Tilly tried not to notice him, but she couldn’t help sneaking glances out of the corner of her eye.

Cris’ gaze never wavered from Landry’s face, focused totally on him.

Had she ever held that level of pure devotion for Cris as her Master? She’d once thought she had. The more she watched how Cris interacted with Landry, it became apparent to her how much deeper a Master and slave relationship the men had than she’d ever had with Cris.

With Cris they’d been lovers, friends, partners, and almost engaged until he disappeared. But while she’d served Cris and thought of him as her Master, he was more her protector, her lifeline.

Her anchor to sanity.

Fuck.

He was her service Top more than anything, truth be told.

When she felt her hands shake she realized she needed to get out of there and be alone. With her book in hand, she carefully stood without disturbing Landry and went to her office where she closed the door behind her. The book fell from her trembling fingers as she hugged herself. She walked over to the window to look out at the garden and that’s when her tears flowed.

No matter what she thought of herself in the past, what she’d had with Cris paled in comparison to what he had with Landry.

Cris held Landry together. Cris had held her together when they first met, seeing her through hell to the other side.

As much as she didn’t want to admit it, Cris had been right about her surviving losing him. He knew she would probably be okay, whereas Landry would not. Cris was their glue. And before she ever embarked on this crazy venture with Landry, they had that in common whether they’d realized it or not.

She closed her eyes and sobbed, and at first she didn’t hear the soft knock. By the time she turned Cris had already opened the door.

Hating herself even more, when he walked over, arms opened, she fell into them and let him guide her to the floor where he held her while she cried.

He didn’t speak, didn’t try to soothe her, he simply held her until she finally sat up and turned away from him to wipe her eyes and sniffle.

Her laugh sounded harsh even to her. “You’re a better slave than I ever was,” she said.

“That’s not true,” he firmly countered. “You were wonderful. I was so proud of you.”

“Past tense.” She turned to look at him. “Let’s face it, you are a thousand times more devoted to him than I ever was to you. I thought I knew what it meant. Then I see you with him and… Fuck, Cris, if you’d done a fraction to me of what we did to you, I’d have killed you.”

He sadly smiled. “He needed his pound of flesh and so did you. It’s okay. I deserved it.”

“No, you didn’t deserve what we did.” She stood and backed away from him while he remained seated. “You didn’t deserve that.”

“I’m sure once he’s feeling better there will be more. Just not so intense.”

“How can you be okay with that?”

He shrugged. “What choice do I have?”

“You could leave him.”

“Is that what you want me to do?”

She studied him long and hard. “No,” she quietly admitted. “I don’t.”

He climbed to his feet, moving as smoothly as ever. She felt her heart flutter in response as her mind flashed back to hours spent watching him do tai chi or work through a fighting form, fascinated as his muscles rippled under tanned skin.

“It’s not what I want, either,” he said. “I love him, and I still love you.” He walked to the door, but he stopped and turned before leaving. “What set you off? If you don’t mind me asking. Was it something I did or said?”

“I don’t think I ever sat in bed and spent hours staring at you while you slept.”

He nodded, a sad smile quirking one corner of his mouth. “That’s okay. I spent plenty of hours watching you sleep.”

Her breath caught in her throat as he disappeared down the hall. Her knees gave out and she sank to the floor again.

Cris silently padded down the hall to check on him. Landry still slept. The pain meds combined with the residual effects of the anesthesia would keep him down until late that evening. He retook his place on the floor next to the bed and waited.

He would never presume he could sit on her bed, even if she offered, without his Master’s permission.

After a while, Tilly finally returned, her eyes red and face splotchy. He felt for her, wished he could give her more comfort than he did.

Wished he could promise to make it all better for her like he used to.

She climbed into bed without disturbing Landry and rolled onto her side so she could watch him. When their eyes met, Cris wanted to hold her, reassure her he was okay with the new status quo, and knew all those words had to remain unspoken.

This was his Master’s will. That’s all that mattered.

No, he never would have done anything to her remotely like what Landry put him through. He also knew some would think him a weak fucking pussy for tolerating it.

Deserve it? He felt so.

He knew the gig. Absolute. No shades of grey except the ones decided by Landry, although usually he gave Cris a voice and opinion in matters. Still, underlying all those things remained the fact that in Landry’s world, there was but one credo: Because I said so.

Which left him with only two options, stay or leave.

Leaving was not an option in his heart or mind.

After another hour, Landry stirred. He first looked to Tilly, who smiled and brushed the hair from his forehead. “Hey, sleepy,” she said. “How you feeling?”

“Crappy. Where’s Cris?”

His heart leapt as he reached over and touched his shoulder. He’d said his name! “I’m right here, Master.”

Landry slowly turned over to face him. “Is that your special soup I smell?”

“Yes, Master. I made it the way you like.”

Landry’s eyes closed. “That’s my good boy. You take good care of me, don’t you?” He squeezed Cris’ hand. “Why do you put up with me?”

“Because I love you, Master.”

“I love you too, Cris.”

Tilly watched the exchange as a lump rose in her throat. Landry’s demeanor toward Cris couldn’t be any less like it had been on their wedding night or in the days leading to it. In her heart, no matter how much seeing them together might hurt in some ways, she would never demand Cris leave.

Landry needed him.

She might be able to help heal his body, get him to doctor appointments and force pills down his throat as prescribed, even warm his bed, but he could pay any nurse or prostitute to do that for him.

He didn’t need her.

He needed Cris.

Part of her wished he needed her, no matter what he said while they made love.

He reached back and patted her thigh. “Can I ask a favor?”

“Sure.”

“Bring me my computer bag from the office, please?”

She glanced at Cris, who made a beats the hell outta me face at her. “Yeah, sure.” She brought it and handed it to him.

With a pained grunt he sat up and opened the front flap, from which he withdrew a black velvet ring box. “I didn’t tell you about this,” he explained to her, “because I wasn’t sure what would happen between Friday and today. I didn’t know if Cris would be here, or if you’d be stuck alone with my sorry ass.”

She smiled. “Your ass isn’t sorry.”

“This is me being a good patient. You haven’t seen grouchy asshole patient mode yet. I’m sure he’ll vouch for that.” Cris smiled but said nothing while Landry opened the box and withdrew a ring identical to his wedding band. “Remember the other day at the mall, at the jewelry store, when I asked you to run over to Starbucks?” he asked her.

“Yeah?”

He held up the ring. He reached for Cris’ right hand and slid it onto his ring finger. “I wanted to give you a little reward for making it this far. Seriously. I know you’re here for the long haul. There’s a reason I want it on your right hand instead of your left.”

Landry glanced at Tilly. “She is my wife. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t falling in love with her.

She has a right to not share me if she decides. I’ll only wear her ring on my left hand. This is my pledge to you as your Master, and a tangible reminder, that I’ll always take care of you no matter what. But as my slave, you belong to her, too. You obey her, whether she tells you to kiss her ass or wash her dishes or whatever. Understand?”

He nodded, staring at the ring on his hand with wide eyes. “Yes, Master.”

He ruffled Cris’ hair in an affectionate way that made her heart hurt from the love she sensed between them. “That’s my good boy. How long until dinner?”

“Whenever you want, Master. It’s ready.”

“Good. I’ll eat in here. Give me a kiss and fix Tilly’s dinner too, if she’s hungry.”

Cris looked at her.

“Yes, please,” she said.

Cris jumped to his feet and kissed Landry before scampering out of the bedroom. She never thought she’d ever associate Cris and scampering, but it was the best descriptor she could think of.

After a moment, Landry looked at her. “Are you all right, love?”

She nodded, still processing.

“You aren’t upset by that, are you? Me giving him a ring without telling you about it first?”

“I’m not upset, but why didn’t you tell me? What happened to honesty?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what would happen between the wedding and now. I was operating on the presumption it would just be you and me. That was just in case. I am more shocked than anyone that he didn’t leave.” His tone softened. “I think it speaks to how much he loves us.”

“He…” She paused. “Us?”

“Us.” He looked at her for a long time before speaking. “I can forgive him and move forward.

Can you?”

“Again with the whole you forgive him thing when I’m the one who got screwed.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to pull back her anger. “I already forgave him, but I also warned him it might get thrown in his face from time to time. I’m still angry.”

“Good. That’s healthy.” He grinned. “He usually goes naked at home, except for his collar. Do you mind if—”

“Can we not push things quite that fast?” Truth be told, the sight of Cris walking around naked wouldn’t be a bad one, just really confusing emotionally. No wonder he’d always seemed so comfortable in his own skin, something he’d gently tried to help her overcome in their time together.

He stroked her cheek. “If you ever wish to discuss the situation, if your feelings for him ever change in a positive way, I want it out on the table that I wouldn’t hate it.”

“You are a kinky man.”

“Well, as someone once told me, duh, the Dom gig wasn’t a clue?”

Cris wondered if he could feel any happier. Tilly forgave him, and so did Landry. The ring flashed as he worked and he frequently glanced at it. He and Landry had discussed getting married when the laws had changed in California, then they’d changed back so quickly they hadn’t had time to get it done. They’d never exchanged rings, because as far as Cris was concerned the collar around his neck was the only symbol he needed.

He pureed Landry’s soup in the food processor to make it easier on his stomach. He dished out Tilly’s for her, got everything else ready, and took it in to them.

Then he sat on the floor next to Landry’s side of the bed and waited.

He noticed Tilly kept glancing at him. She finally asked, “Are you going to eat?”

“I’ll eat after both of you are finished.”

Another few minutes later, she apparently couldn’t take it. “Would you please eat? You’re hovering.”

“He hovers well,” Landry joked. “That’s one of the things I love about him.” He looked down at Cris and ruffled his hair again. “He’s my good boy.”

Pleasant heat rolled through Cris as Landry left his hand resting on top of his head. After weeks of what sometimes felt like constant cold torment, to have this tenderness from him again was such a relief.

He’s my good boy.

Cris nuzzled Landry’s hand, content.

Landry patted him on the head. “Take the night off, Cris. I mean it. Go ahead and eat. It’s all right.”

He looked up at him. “Are you sure, Lan?”

Landry touched his chin. “Absolutely. I’m very proud of you. Besides, you have to prepare for your trip.”

Cris rose to his knees and kissed Landry. “If you need anything, call me.” His eyes briefly fell on Tilly, whose gaze quickly darted away from him.

He couldn’t blame her.

“I will,” Landry assured him. “Go on, now.”

Cris rose and returned to the kitchen, his head and heart buzzing. Whatever happened from this point on, he knew he could handle it.

Because his Master still loved and wanted him.

He looked at the ring again, his smile nearly painful.

She slept fitfully that night, memories of watching Cris stare at Landry keeping her awake. With their bedroom door open, she heard Cris moving around in the kitchen even though he didn’t make much noise. She glanced at her alarm clock and saw it was a little after four a.m. He’d have to leave in less than an hour to have time to return their rental car and catch his flight.

Landry still slept. At some point he’d rolled over away from her, but he’d had a peaceful night otherwise.

She pulled on her robe and walked out to- the kitchen. Cris looked up, surprised, from the coffee maker.

“I’m sorry, Til. I didn’t mean to wake you.” He’d already showered and dressed.

He looked like her Master for the first time since she’d seen him…

Since that day.

Khaki slacks, a chambray shirt with the top button loose, loafers. Gone was his leather collar. In its place she spotted a heavy silver necklace. His day collar, obviously. Necktie loosely knotted and ready to snug up once he fastened his top button. He’d shaved and brushed his damp hair back from his face.

He finished making the coffee and laid a piece of paper on the counter, then nudged it her way.

“There’s all my contact numbers. I’ll have my BlackBerry, plus the office and home numbers. I’ll be in and out of meetings but if you can’t get me, call the office and ask for Jennifer Carson, my administrative assistant. I wrote her name down. I’ll tell her I told you to interrupt me—”

“Cris,” she softly said, “it’s okay. He’ll be fine.”

He tensed and didn’t meet her gaze. “I feel horrible I’m leaving him.”

She sat on the other side of the counter, on one of the bar stools. It would be too much temptation to walk around the counter and hug him to comfort him if she entered the kitchen. She looked at the paper he’d left for her. “He told you to do this. You’re following his orders. You won’t be gone long, just a few days.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t feel shitty about leaving.”

“Stop. Please. It’s all right. He’ll be fine.”

He laid his hands flat on the counter, palms down. “I know you’ll take good care of him, Til.

That’s not why I’m upset.”

“I know. You love him and you’re worried about him. It’s understandable.”

He nodded. For a moment, the only sound in the kitchen came from the burbling coffee pot and the quiet hum of the fridge. “I made enough soup for him for several days. He won’t want to eat much today, probably. He’ll spend the day in bed or on the couch sleeping and watching TV.” He slowly smiled before he looked up at her. “And being grumpy. Maybe it is a good thing I’m getting out of here.”

She returned his smile, this time not having to force it. “You don’t mean that.”

“No, I don’t. But he really is a bad patient.”

“So you two keep warning me. He can’t be any worse than some of my clients.”

He nodded. When the coffee finished brewing, he poured her a mug and slid it across the counter after fixing it for her just the way she liked.

All these years and he still remembered how she took her coffee. She didn’t know how that made her feel and she really didn’t want to think about it right then.

“Thank you.” She stood to go.

“May I come in and say good-bye to him before I leave?”

She frowned. “Huh?”

“I didn’t want to come in without permission.”

Tilly chewed on the inside of her cheek. Another conversation she didn’t want to have this morning. “Sure. Of course you can. He’s still asleep, though.”

“I won’t wake him up.”

She returned to the bedroom and grabbed some work-out clothes from the closet. Might as well do that since I’m up. She locked herself in the bathroom to change. When she emerged she found Cris kneeling on the floor on Landry’s side of the bed and staring at him in the dim light.

Part of her felt sorry for Cris.

Part of her still wanted to kick him in the nuts. Fortunately, that part of her was slowly giving way to reason.

Very slowly.

Then there was the guilt-ridden part of her that wished she’d chosen screaming at him for a few hours instead of playing a revenge-filled sex game with Landry. Cuckolding did not suit her well at all and still left her with a sour taste in her mouth.

After a moment he leaned in and gently kissed Landry’s forehead. The man never stirred. She remained in the deep shadows by the bathroom door as he left the bedroom, although he had to know she stood there watching.

She walked to her office and dug through her desk until she located her headphones. Normally she worked out with the stereo blasting, but didn’t want to wake Landry. Next best thing would be her ear buds, but she worried she wouldn’t hear him if he needed her. She could drape the headphones around her neck and crank her music up loudly enough to hear it and still be able to hear him if he called out for her.

She felt Cris standing in the doorway behind her and ignored him until he cleared his throat.

She didn’t turn. “Yeah?”

“I’m going.”

“Okay. Have a safe trip.” Goddamned tears threatened… again. When the fuck would she get her equilibrium back? She hadn’t cried this much in years and hated herself for the weakness. It was impossible not to think about their usual parting routine…before.

The kiss, his hand fisting her hair, his usual parting words to her.

“I love you, Redbird. Always and forever.”

He didn’t move and she fought the urge to turn and order him out. She could do this.

“Thanks again, Tilly. For taking care of him. I appreciate it.”

She closed the drawer a little harder than she’d intended and yanked another open. Where are those fucking headphones! “Yeah, no problem. I told you, he’s a great guy.”

“Yeah.” More silence. “Okay. I’ll get out of your hair. I’ll keep my phone on as long as I can in case you need me. My flight leaves at seven-thirty.”

“Yeah. I know.” Please, just go away!

She sensed him leave, then heard the front door quietly open and shut a moment later. She relaxed, resting her forehead on her arm, which lay draped on her desk. At least this time she didn’t cry.

There’s progress.

She worked out nearly twice as long and hard as she usually did, until sweat pooled around the waistband of her shorts and her shirt clung to her, even in the cool, air conditioned house. She grabbed her stuff and showered in Cris’ bathroom because Landry was still asleep. She’d just walked through the kitchen when her cell, charging on the counter, rang Loren’s custom ring tone. She dove for it to answer it before it woke Landry.

“Hey, girlie. How’s hunky hubby this morning? He okay?”

She walked into the office and closed the door behind her. “Hi, and he’s still asleep.”

Loren hesitated. “So?”

“So what?”

Loren sighed. “Results. What’s going on? Is he okay? Are you okay? Talk to me.”

“We won’t get results back for a couple of days. We already know from the scan and his blood work that something’s going on. He will have surgery, but what kind and how much they take out is to be determined.”

“Sooo…how’s that other thing going?”

“If you’re asking if I’ve killed Cris yet, the answer is no. In fact, he’s not here. Landry sent him back to L.A. this morning to handle packing and moving their stuff and to take care of business issues.”

Loren’s tone brightened. “Oh! He’s not there? Mind if I drop by?”

“Sure, come on over. Wait a while though, maybe after ten. Landry might be awake then and you can say hi. Oh, and one more thing?”

“Yeah?”

“Please don’t call him hunky hubby to his face, okay?”

Loren laughed. “But he is! Hey, his nickname is a lot better than all the ones I have for Cris.”

“True. Bye.”

When she returned to the bedroom, Landry opened his eyes and held out a hand to her. She carefully sat next to him so as not to jostle him and leaned in for a kiss. “Morning. How do you feel?”

“Like shit. Cris leave okay?”

“Yeah. He should be in the air by now.”

He nodded.

She decided to add, “He came in to say good-bye before he left. You slept right through it.”

She didn’t miss his sad smile. “Thank you.”

“For telling you, or for letting him into my bedroom?”

“Both.”

Master Grouchypants acted a little grumbly, but not too bad. He moved out to the couch to watch TV and read. When Loren arrived, he enjoyed talking with her. From the way he kept her laughing, Tilly suspected Loren enjoyed talking with him, too. A little before lunch time Tilly’s cell rang and she stepped into the kitchen to take it.

“Hey, I’ve only got a minute between planes, but I forgot to tell you how to heat up his soup.”

She quickly moved into the office and pulled the door shut behind her. “Cris, I’m more than capable of reheating soup.”

“I know, but he likes it a certain way. You have to heat a bowl of it for two minutes, then puree it in the food processor for him. It’s easier on his stomach that way. And don’t use a blender, use the food processor because—”

She fought her irritation. “Go catch your plane.”

“Tilly, please, wait! It has to be heated first, but not too much, because if you try to puree it when it’s cold—”

“Cris, enough. Seriously. It’s okay. I can handle it.”

“I’m sorry.”

She reined in her irritation. “Look, I know you’re worried, but focus on what he wants you to do and I’ll take care of him while you’re gone.”

“Is he okay? Can I talk to him?”

“He’s fine. He’s in the living room talking with Loren. She stopped by. I’ll get him for you.”

“No, that’s okay. I don’t want to interrupt him.” He didn’t sound snarky when he said it either.

“It’s all right, I’ll go get him.”

“No, I’m going to go catch my plane. Would you mind telling him I called? That I asked about him?”

She wanted to beat his deference to her out of him. “I’ll tell him. Have a safe flight.”

“Thanks.”

When she stepped out of the office she nearly ran into Loren going to use the guest bathroom, now Cris’ bathroom.

She pushed Tilly back into the office, concern on her friend’s face. “You okay, girlie?”

“Yeah.” She rolled her eyes at Loren’s arched eyebrows. “It was Cris checking in to make sure

Landry was okay.”

By late that evening, Tilly had managed to heat and puree his soup for him several times, in the proper order and apparently the right way because he didn’t complain and it didn’t end up on her kitchen ceiling. She’d have to get an immersion blender though. She’d never needed one, and her old food processor was a bitch to clean.

Landry asked her to watch TV with him, so she sat at the end of the couch with his head in her lap.

“I like this,” he admitted. “This is fun.”

“Yeah. Barrel of laughs around here.”

He tipped his head so he could look at her. “I mean it. I like spending time with you.” He grinned. “Even if you are wearing far too many clothes for my liking.”

She ruffled his hair. “Easy, tiger. No play for you, doctor’s orders. You’re supposed to rest.”

He laced his fingers through hers and squeezed her hand. “Thank you, Tilly. You’re a true blessing.”

As she sat there, her other hand on his shoulder, she couldn’t deny it felt nice relaxing like this with him.

One of those many things she’d missed since her life had been ripped away from her.

The doctor’s office called Friday morning before lunch. No surprise, the pathology report came back positive. The doctor fit them in late that afternoon for a consult.

“I can work you into the surgical schedule as an add-on late Monday. Otherwise, it’ll be two weeks because I’m going out of town to a conference. I’d rather do it before I leave, quite honestly.”

Landry nodded even as his grip on Tilly’s hand tightened. “Okay. Schedule it.”

He sat quietly in the passenger seat and looked out the window as she drove. “Are you all right?” she asked.

“Yeah. Cris isn’t scheduled to get back until Thursday. He needs to be at meetings on Tuesday.”

Back to that. Having Landry all to herself, she could almost forget about Cris.

He needed Cris, despite all they’d put the man through.

Loved him.

Wanted him.

But most of all, more than anything, he needed him, even if he wouldn’t admit it. “I’ll call him and let him know when we get home.”

Landry didn’t turn away from the window. “No. That’s all right. He’ll feel guilty he can’t be here. There’s no reason to upset him.”

She couldn’t let that go. “Landry, I don’t feel comfortable keeping that from him. It’ll upset him more if he doesn’t know.”

His soft tone disquieted her. “Tilly, please. It’s all right. I’ll tell him when I think it’s best. I don’t want him worried.”

Ah, there is a soft heart in there. Buried somewhere.

Deeply buried.

“He’s already worried about you.” She had enough guilt on her plate to deal with after their weekend cuckold caper. Withholding this information might put her over the edge.

“Please?” He didn’t even sound like himself. His soft, resigned tone didn’t bear a hint of

Masterly command.

She wasn’t all right with it, but she didn’t want to argue with him and stress him out.

“Whatever.”

By Sunday afternoon, Landry still hadn’t told Cris about his surgery. Tilly couldn’t stand it anymore. He laid down for a nap and she took her cell into the office and closed the door behind her.

Cris answered his cell on the first ring. “Til?”

“Yeah. Don’t panic, he’s fine.”

Part of her hated that she recognized the knowing concern in his voice. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

This was going directly against what Landry asked of her. Then again, he had agreed to follow Cardinal’s Rules. And in her mind, it would be best if Cris were at least kept in the loop.

“First of all, this is me and you talking, not slave and Tilly, okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Landry didn’t tell you that they’ve put him on the surgical schedule tomorrow as an add-on.

We have to be there in the morning, and we don’t know when his surgery will be.”

“Tomorrow?”

She’d never heard Cris sound like that, the combination of shock and fear. “Yeah. He didn’t want to worry you, said you have meetings Tuesday you have to be at—”

“Oh, fuck that shit! I’ll grab the first plane I can get a seat on.”

“I didn’t call you to make you come home. That’s not what he asked.”

“Tilly, I can’t sit here while he goes into surgery. I just can’t. I need to be there for him.”

“You’ll get in trouble.”

He snorted. “Won’t be the first fucking time, believe me.”

Those were stories she’d want to hear.

Later.

When she could emotionally handle hearing them.

“I just didn’t want you finding out after the fact.”

He went quiet for a moment. “Is he still mad at me?”

“No! Jesus, I wish you two fucking Doms would get your communication shit together.”

Another hesitation. “I’m not a Dom, Tilly.”

No, you were my Dom. “Men. I meant men.” She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. That’s not what she meant and he damn well knew it, but he let it slide. “Just…I’ll call you from the hospital or send you text messages to this phone if I can’t get away. Okay?”

“I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

“Cris—”

“It’s okay.” She heard the smile in his voice. “It’s my ass he’ll beat, not yours. Thanks for telling me. I appreciate it.”

“No problem.” She hung up and sat in her office chair as she stared out over her garden.

When Cris called later that afternoon to check in with Landry and update him on work issues and his progress arranging the move, he made no mention of her earlier phone call. As she lay curled next to Landry that night, long after he’d fallen asleep, she stared at his face. He looked troubled even in his dreams.