Carnal Secrets

CHAPTER SEVEN

Nick had never had so much trouble putting one foot in front of the other. But while an ass like that was right there in front of him, he had no interest in moving anyway. As Shaya was bent over riffling through a shelf of canned foods, Nick simply gazed at her ass in awe. What he wouldn’t give to know what kind of underwear she wore under that skintight denim. Normally he didn’t like jeans on a woman; they didn’t allow him easy access and they hid way too much, but with Shaya it was a sweet torment having it all left to the imagination. He looked for a panty line but couldn’t make one out. Maybe she was wearing a thong. Maybe she was going commando. Fuck.

As usual when he was around Shaya, he was assaulted by a number of erotic images. He could imagine her being bent just like that, but naked and over a table while he was slamming into her. Or sprawled across his lap while he spanked her ass over and over until she begged him to take her.

And now his cock was hurting like a son of a bitch.

In the middle of a damn grocery store.

Knowing she didn’t work on Sundays and she was always so exhausted after working long shifts, he’d figured she would sleep most of the morning. Apparently his Shaya liked to be up at the crack of dawn on Sundays to go shopping. He had been on his way to the gas station when he’d spotted her heading inside the store.

Either she’d picked up his scent or had sensed someone’s gaze on her, because she suddenly glanced over her shoulder. He almost laughed when her eyes widened and she straightened abruptly. No doubt she had a good idea of the kind of thoughts and pictures that had been forming in his mind.

“What are you doing here?” asked Shaya, flustered—and annoyed with herself for being flustered. She knew she sounded particularly cranky, because she was cranky. Menstrual cramps could do that to a girl. “Are you following me?”

“It’s harder than I thought.”

“If I were you, I’d do the intelligent thing and fuck off,” she growled.

“No.”

She growled again. “Has anyone ever told you you’re unbelievably stubborn?”

“Frequently. But, really, it’s not stubbornness. It’s just that I can say no without feeling guilty.”

His lopsided smile miraculously made her want to smile back, but she would not. “What do you want?” His eyes went slumberous.

“You. In my bed. Naked. And wet and ready for me.” When she gaped at him, he shrugged innocently. “You asked.”

She closed her eyes for a moment, seeking patience. But she simply wasn’t a patient person. “I don’t have time for this. Move out of my way.”

“I’m here to help.”

Her words came out through clenched teeth. “Nick, not today, okay.” The asshole actually put a jar of Bolognese sauce in her cart. She returned it to the shelf with a huff. “You can harass me again tomorrow.”

“I don’t harass you, I just show up wherever you are.”

She growled when he put the sauce back into her cart and also a bottle of garlic oil. “Stop putting things in my cart!”

Picking up on her wolf’s unusual prickliness, he frowned. Sure Shaya and her wolf were snippy, but this was different. “What’s wrong with your wolf? She’s a little…off today. Come to think of it, so is your scent.” He leaned in and brushed his nose against her neck. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” she said with a sardonic smile. At least one good thing would come from her menstrual cycle starting: he’d leave her alone for a few days, knowing seducing her wouldn’t be possible. And he wouldn’t send her a message similar to the one he’d sent last night that went a little something like:

If I was lying in bed with you now, if I had my hands on your body, where would you want me to touch you first?

Her traitorous body had responded to that, just like it was responding to his very presence now. But getting him to go away would be simple enough. Not simply because seduction wouldn’t be possible, but because no wolf liked to be around menstruating female shifters. Shifter PMS was a bitch—a time filled with excessive fatigue, mood swings, irritability, cramps, bloating, aching breasts, tension, increased appetite, sleeplessness, and hot flashes.

“So that’s why you’re snippier than usual,” said Nick. “It explains what your pretty ass is doing out of bed so early, too—you usually have major trouble getting up in the morning.” It also explained why her breasts were bigger than usual. But he wouldn’t comment on that. He wasn’t stupid.

She gasped, indignant. “I get out of bed just fine each morning, thanks. And I’m not snippy.”

If he was sensible, he’d walk away. Female wolves with PMS were likely to eat someone’s face off at the slightest provocation. But this was his female wolf. And right now, she needed someone to take care of her, whether she’d admit it or not. He curled an arm around her shoulders and used his free hand to push the cart. “Come on, baby. Tell me what stuff you need, and I’ll help you get this over with. Then you can go home and lounge on the sofa all day. Doesn’t that sound good?”

It did, actually. Nonetheless, she snapped, “I’m perfectly capable of putting items in a freaking shopping cart.”

“Of course you are. But if I help, you’ll get out of here sooner.” Despite her grumbles and the string of unprovoked insults she flung at him as they strolled down aisle after aisle, Nick aided her in loading the cart and then helped her bag the items. When he offered to pay, he thought she’d break his jaw.

“I’m not a charity case,” she hissed. Slightly mollified by his apologetic look, Shaya fished the money from her purse and held it out to the cashier…who was staring lustfully at Nick and wearing a seductive smile. Shaya cleared her throat particularly loud. “Do you see something that you like, because he doesn’t,” she spat. Apparently the guy waiting to be served behind her thought that was pretty funny. Shaya wasn’t at all amused.

Holding the grocery bags with one arm, Nick gently but firmly took Shaya’s hand and pulled her to him. “Ready to go home, baby?” Her response was a low growl that made him smile. As she ranted in the parking lot about how much she liked to walk thank-you-very-much, he placed the bags into the trunk of his car and then guided her into the passenger seat.

She continued ranting all the way home, and he did what any wise male shifter did when his mate had a PMS-induced tantrum—he kept his mouth shut and nodded along. She was still ranting when they pulled up outside her house. When he retrieved her bags from the trunk of his car, Shaya went to take them from him, but he shook his head and advanced up her driveway.

Shaya growled. “I’m—”

“Perfectly capable of carrying your own bags,” he finished soothingly. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t do it for you, does it?”

“Stop with the therapist tone!” Realizing that something about the yard was different, Shaya took a moment to study her surroundings. “Did you mow the lawn?”

Nick shrugged. “It kind of needed it. You only just noticed? I did it yesterday while you were at work.”

Huffing, she marched to the front door and unlocked it. “Do you have to be so fucking nice and helpful?” she growled.

“Now, Shay—”

“It’s hard to hate you when you’re nice and helpful!”

“Good. I don’t want you to hate me.”

Ignoring the murderous look Shaya shot him, he walked right on into the house like he had every right. She followed him, watching with growing agitation—like she wasn’t agitated enough!—as he began puttering around her kitchen. “Okay, look, you’ve earned a gold sticker for ass-kissing. Now get the hell out and—” She gave a startled yelp as he lifted her, sat her on the kitchen counter, and then stood between her legs.

Nick handed her some Tylenol and a glass of water. “Here. Take these.” It was most likely sheer stubbornness that made her hesitate. “You’re in pain, baby. Take them.”

There was enough authority in the latter words to make her bite back a snappy comment. Her wolf reluctantly backed down too. Conceding to herself that she did in fact need the pills and that refusing would be stupid, she sighed inwardly and snatched them from his hand. Once she’d washed them down with the water, he took her glass and placed it on the counter.

“Good girl.” He moved his hand to her stomach and gently massaged it, hating that she was in pain and feeling totally helpless. “Now…would you rather curl up on the sofa or go lie down in bed?”

“I’m not an invalid.”

“Every male shifter knows that when his mate has PMS, it’s best for her to curl up on the sofa or in bed and enjoy doing absolutely nothing.”

“I’m not your mate.” Her wolf sassily swished her tail at her for that offensive comment.

Wearing a reprimanding expression, Nick tsked. “Yes, you are, baby,” he insisted softly, tapping the tip of her nose. “You always will be, no matter what. You were made for me, belong to me in a way you could never belong to anyone else.” He soothingly combed his hand through her red corkscrew curls. “I love how soft your hair is. Like silk.” The compliment seemed to disarm her, and he got the feeling that she hadn’t gotten a lot of them in her life. “What will it be: the sofa or the bed?”

She sighed, slumping in defeat. “Sofa.” Her eyes widened as he curled her legs around him and carried her to the living area. He placed her gently on the sofa, where she immediately curled up like a fetus, and handed her the TV remote. Instead of leaving the house, he disappeared back into the kitchen. Hearing the banging of the cupboard doors, she realized he was unpacking her groceries. A part of her wanted to yell at him to get out, but then she’d have to do the unpacking herself, and she’d much rather stay where she was. So, instead, she turned on the TV and began flicking through the channels until she found something she wanted to watch.

When Nick returned to the living room a little while later, it was to find that she was crying. Putting the chocolate bar and cup of coffee he’d brought in onto the table in front of her, he crouched down and cradled her face with his hands. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“This damn movie,” she said, sniffling. “The dog just died.”

It took everything he had not to smile. He kissed her hair. “Maybe you should watch something else.”

“I can’t believe they called the movie My Dog Skip—it sounds like such a happy movie, doesn’t it? You don’t think the dog’s going to die.”

He swiped her tears away with his thumbs. “That’s a good point.”

“I know you’re trying not to laugh, Beavis.”

“How about we talk about something else? Distract you from the movie?” She looked about to snort at that, but then her expression shifted from annoyed to speculative. “You want to ask me something.” She shrugged, as if it wasn’t important. “Ask.”

Shaya bit her lip, unsure. When she noticed that Nick’s eyes had tracked the movement and he was staring at her mouth, she quickly released her lip from her teeth. His eyes moved to hers, daring her to ask her question. “Why were you sent to juvie?”

He sucked in a breath. “Ask me anything but that.”

“I want to know.” His hands slipped away from her face as his expression closed down. She could almost feel him pulling away emotionally. When he went to stand, she fisted her hand in his T-shirt to stop him. “You can’t expect to earn someone’s trust if you keep things from them.”

Knowing she was right, he sighed tiredly. “Why do you want to know? Do you really need more reasons to think badly of me?”

“You can’t call me your mate and then deny me the right to know these things,” she said softly. “Tell me.” A minute or so later, he finally nodded, but she didn’t release him.

Nick inhaled deeply, preparing himself to go back to a time that he hated—preparing himself to reveal something that might make his job to earn a place in her life even harder. “I wasn’t born in the Ryland Pack. My family is originally from a pack in Manhattan. They don’t have a plot of land; they purchased an apartment block that’s near a wooded area. The entire pack lives inside the block, and they use the wooded area to run in. One day, I was walking with my sister through the woods when we came across four human males. Their ages ranged from seventeen to twenty-one.”

“How old were you?”

“Thirteen. My sister was twelve. They knew what we were, and like many humans, they weren’t too happy about our existence. But they were happy enough to rape my sister—or, at least, to try. Two of them held me back, wanting me to watch, while another pinned my sister down. They threatened her that if she shifted to her wolf form, the others would kill me. In turn, they threatened me that if I shifted, they’d kill her. The fourth one was ready to record the whole thing.”

When his eyes took on a faraway quality, she prodded, “Nick?”

His focus returned to her. “I shifted. My wolf was too enraged to hold back, and I didn’t want him to. They were going to hurt her anyway, so obeying them seemed pointless. I killed the kid who’d tried to rape her, and I badly maimed two of the others. The fourth human ran off and got help.” He waited for disgust to contort her expression, or for fear to enter her eyes. But she said nothing, and her expression remained blank.

Hopeful, he continued. “I might have been executed rather than sent to juvie, but the video clearly showed what the humans’ intentions had been, and that it was self-defense. Still, I was thirteen and I’d killed a human and maimed two others on my own. The human authorities were nervous about it. I think they thought the likelihood was that I wouldn’t get out of juvie alive, so problem solved.”

“But you did get out.” And she was proud of him for that. How could he have thought she’d judge him for doing what most shifters would have done in his situation? Hell, Trey’s wolf went feral pretty often.

“I quickly realized that the guards were being paid to target certain shifters—most likely by relatives of the humans who’d been hurt at the shifter’s hands. So I encouraged all the shifters in the place to band together into one pack rather than existing in small groups. It gave us more protection. While each one of us always had someone looking out for them, it made it extremely hard for the guards to target anybody.”

“And you were their leader, their Alpha,” she easily guessed. He was a natural leader. He truly was born to be an Alpha…and yet he’d left that position behind for her. The question was for how long?

“At first, no. Another wolf acted as Alpha, but the other shifters didn’t really follow Merrick. They just didn’t want to challenge him, didn’t want a psycho on their case. And he made everybody’s life miserable in that way that bullies do.”

“So you challenged him.”

“I killed him.” And he’d always hate himself for it. “I didn’t mean to. I really, really didn’t. But he wouldn’t submit, wouldn’t back down. He was enjoying the fight, the blood, even the pain—it was weird. Merrick was totally messed up in the head. It went too far.”

Shaya’s voice was soft, nonjudgmental. “If he wouldn’t submit, what choice did you have?”

“It’s still more blood on my hands, Shay. Like I said, Merrick was messed up…but did he really deserve to die for that? He was only fifteen years old.”

“And you were only thirteen, and you were in a life-or-death situation. You chose your own life over his. Anyone else would have done the same thing.” To her dismay, he didn’t look convinced of that; too much guilt stained his expression. “It can’t have been easy to tell me all of that. Thank you.” He simply shrugged. “How did you end up becoming Alpha of the Ryland Pack?”

“My family moved there while I was in juvie—they didn’t want to be near the bad memories. Unfortunately, it was taken over by another Alpha three years after they settled there. He was the type to rule by fear and intimidation. He punished the slightest transgressions, caused divides within the pack, isolated the weaker members, and forced many of them to fight in the underground fighting club he owned—including Eli.

“After spending nine years cooped up in that fucked-up place, my wolf wasn’t in the best frame of mind. Leaving juvie to find my family suffering like that…it knocked him over the edge. I challenged and killed the Alpha”—more blood on his hands—“but I didn’t want the position. The trouble was that no one else wanted it. The pack was a mess, and no one wanted the responsibility of fixing it. I’d killed their Alpha. I had no choice but to do what was right by them and take that position. So I did.”

Shaya could only begin to imagine how hard it must have been for him to have come straight out of juvie only to find himself suddenly Alpha of a pack. It was more or less exchanging one prison for another. Being Alpha was a huge responsibility; everyone else came first, and he always had to be strong for the pack, no matter his own problems. Nick had never had time of his own, never had a breather. Maybe this little vacation from the position would be good for him. She couldn’t allow herself to trust that this was anything more than a vacation.

“Told you it wasn’t a pretty story.”

Shaya swallowed hard. “You protected your sister. No one can blame you for that. No one can blame your wolf for turning feral at a time like that.”

His short laugh was bitter. “I hadn’t turned feral, Shay. I knew exactly what I was doing. I didn’t have to kill one of them. I didn’t even have to hurt any of them. They were spooked enough by me shifting that they were ready to make a run for it—they’d clearly been confident that I wouldn’t shift. But I wasn’t satisfied with scaring them off. I killed that human because I wanted to, just like I attacked the two who had tried restraining me because I wanted to. If people hadn’t turned up and intervened, I might have done more than maim them.”

A chill suddenly came over Shaya. But, oddly enough, it wasn’t because of his confession. It was because of how lonely he looked right then. She understood loneliness all too well. Could she really blame him for wanting to hurt people who had intended to rape his little sister? A twelve-year-old girl? Maybe other people would have, but Shaya found that she couldn’t. “Of course you wanted to hurt them. They—”

“I’m not sorry I did it, Shay.” It was better to find out now if she could or couldn’t accept him as he truly was. He knew, however, that if she tried using this to push him even further away, it wouldn’t work. “I never have been. Not even when I was put in that hellhole, not even when I thought I’d die there…I wasn’t sorry. I don’t think I ever will be.”

There was that loneliness in his expression and voice again, that feeling of not having anyone who could understand and accept him. He was wrong. “I think of Taryn as a sister, and I know that if anyone tried to hurt her, I’d be prepared to stab them through the fucking heart.”

Seeing the vigor in her expression, he could believe that. “You’re half human, Shay. Those people I hurt are half yours.”

“But I’m half shifter, too. And they tried to hurt your sister and you. That’s not something I would ever find excusable.” He was hers, whether she wanted him to claim her or not. He was still hers, and the idea of anyone hurting him simply wasn’t something she could ever tolerate or forgive.

The total lack of recrimination was a balm to his wolf’s scarred soul. Nick wanted nothing more than to take her mouth, but he forced himself to resist. Needing some sort of contact, he leaned his forehead against hers and traced her cheekbone with the tip of his finger. “See, you deserve better. But I’m going nowhere. I know that makes me selfish. I know another male shifter might have walked away. But I can’t do that, Shay. I tried it once—it didn’t work. Don’t you get it yet? My life’s worth shit without you in it.”

She did her best to ignore his words, to not let them worm their way inside her—she really, really did—but they crept into that lonely spot she had, warming it. The possessiveness in his eyes melted her wolf. As he rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip, Shaya almost shuddered. Having him invade her personal space like this, touching her, should have annoyed her, but it was instead arousing her. Her nipples were hard, and her clit was tingling. God, she had been one big G-spot since he arrived. The wise thing would have been to pull back, but she sensed that the physical contact was calming him, chasing back the memories. How could she refuse to do that for him? Besides, if she was honest, she didn’t want to pull back anyway.

The lust glimmering in her eyes made Nick groan. He scrunched a hand in her hair, digging deep for restraint and using the feel of her to do it. “You can’t look at me like that, Shay. I’m hard as a rock here, and you’re making it really difficult not to bite this mouth. But you like that you do that to me, don’t you?”

Her blush gave her away. “Asshole.”

“At least I have the comfort of knowing I’m not the only one who’s horny.” When she snorted, he arched a brow at her and said quietly, “Shall I tell you what I’m thinking about right now?”

Flushed, she squeezed her eyes shut. “I really wish you wouldn’t.” The mating urges were becoming harder and harder to deal with, and she didn’t need him making it worse—particularly when she was feeling so restlessly needy. Her wolf, on the other hand, was extremely curious.

“I’m thinking about how gorgeous you would look tied to my bed. Want to know what I’d do to the nipples that are poking through your T-shirt? I’d suckle on them and bite them until you were arching off the bed and begging me to fuck you. But I wouldn’t fuck you. Not yet. First, I’d taste you. You can’t have any idea how badly I want to know how you taste. Only after I’d licked you to orgasm would I bury myself inside you and take what’s mine. There’d be nothing gentle about it, Shay. It would be fast and hard and raw.”

When she opened her eyes again, Nick saw that they had darkened and her pupils were dilated. To add to that, her lips were parted, and her breath was coming in short, soft pants. He had to wonder why he was doing this when he was tormenting himself just as much as he was her. Clearly he had a masochistic streak he hadn’t known about until now.

Shaya took a steadying breath before speaking. Her voice was embarrassingly raspy. “You’re a teasing, cocky asshole.”

He laughed, forcing himself to get to his feet and end the torture. “Story time is now over. Eat your chocolate and rest. I have a juicer to fix.” With that, he left the room and she turned her attention back to the TV. The plan hadn’t been to fall asleep. But that was what happened. When she woke, it was to find that it was dark and that Nick was sitting on the sofa with her feet resting on his lap, watching the TV on a low volume. He must have sensed she had woken, because his eyes moved to hers.

“Hey, baby. Feel any better?”

She did, actually. The cramps had gone, and the edginess had eased. She nodded.

“Good. Just so you know, your juicer is now fixed, the kitchen tap is no longer leaking, and your dinner’s in the oven, waiting.”

Did he have to be so nice to her?

“I noticed the faulty boiler, too. Your landlord will need to take care of it. I don’t want you having cold showers.”

Ha. Her landlord didn’t address any problems. He’d say, “Oh, I’m starting to think I may have to sell the house, I can’t afford to keep repairing it,” which was, of course, an indirect threat—if she didn’t deal with the problems herself, she’d be out of a home very soon. “I’ll call him tomorrow,” she said casually, though she knew the conversation would amount to nothing.

“No need. I called him while you were sleeping. He promised he’d take care of it.”

She gaped at him. “You called him? How did you even know his number? And what do you mean ‘he promised’?” Oh hell, what had he done?

Nick shrugged, his gaze on the TV. “I got his number the same way I got yours—I have contacts in the right places. Admittedly, he wasn’t so cooperative to begin with. Cried poverty and talked about selling the house, but when I mentioned that his bank balance didn’t quite back that up and just how important you are to me, he had a change of attitude.”

“You know his bank balance?” She was beginning to think Nick could find out just about anything about anyone. He simply shrugged again, like it was nothing. “I suppose you threatened him too.” He looked suitably offended.

“I didn’t need to. He was spooked enough knowing I had access to his personal information—including the little detail of him having an affair with his sister-in-law.”

She could only gape again. Then she shook her head, groaning. “You scare me sometimes.”

He rubbed his hand up and down her thigh. “You never have to fear me. You’re the one person who’ll never be harmed by me, no matter what.”

She believed that. A week ago, she wouldn’t have believed a single word he said about anything at all. But now, she did. That told her he was getting under her skin. And that was dangerous. But how could he not? The fact was that, whether she liked it or not, it was hard not to like having him around. He made her life easier by doing the littlest things, and he tried his best to take care of her despite her grumbles and protests. No one had ever done that before. No one had ever been so completely focused on her. Not even her parents.

“Now that you’re feeling better, I’ll get out of your way.” The last thing Nick wanted to do was leave, but he wasn’t going to stay unless she asked him to. He didn’t want her thinking that everything he’d done for her today had been in an effort to earn an invitation to stay. He’d done it because he wanted to. But as he wasn’t as well behaved as she’d like, he didn’t resist the temptation to plant a kiss on her tempting mouth. “If you need me for anything, you know where I am.” He had only taken two steps when he heard her voice behind him.

“Nick…thanks…for helping,” she awkwardly said. He flashed her a sexy smile that made her wolf shiver, and then he left…and Shaya found herself wanting to call him back. Yep, he was under her skin all right—under a lot deeper than she’d thought. Crap.