Colters' Lady

Chapter Twenty-Seven

“Knock, knock!”

Lily turned from the pile of art supplies she was organizing to see Holly standing in the doorway of Dillon’s office. Even the cat picked her head up in greeting but then quickly curled into a tighter ball on the floor beside Lily before closing her eyes again.

“Hey!” Lily said with a broad smile.

“I hope I’m not interrupting,” Holly said.

“No, of course not. Come on in. If you can find your way around the mess.” Holly picked her way around a few boxes and came to stand beside Lily. “With the guys all over at Michael’s sorting out construction details, I thought you could use some help and some company.” It was all Lily could do not to squeeze the other woman to death. “Thank you. Just the company is nice.”

“I see Dillon went a little overboard,” Holly said with a laugh.

Lily gave a rueful nod. “Yeah, it’s all great stuff, though. I’ve just been going through and drooling over it all. I didn’t expect him to do this. He’s crazy!” Holly laughed. “You’ll find that Dillon does nothing in half measures. Have you eaten? If you want to take a break, I noticed that Dillon left lunch in the fridge. Even I can handle warming something up in the oven.”

Lily checked the clock on Dillon’s desk, and her eyes widened. It was already past two. “Yeah, I could eat. I’ve been lost in my own little world here.”

“Come on then. We’ll tackle the oven together, and I promise not to burn Dillon’s kitchen down.” Lily laughed and followed Holly out of the office and into the kitchen.

“Sit, sit,” Holly urged. “I want to be able to say I was able to prepare my daughter-in-law at least one meal. It’ll give me bragging rights the next time my husbands make a smartass crack about my cooking.” The casual way she said daughter-in-law jolted Lily. She froze in the process of getting onto the barstool and stared at the other woman, but Holly continued on as if what she’d said was the most natural thing in the world.

Holly turned at that moment and a frown creased her brow. “What’s wrong?” Lily eased onto the barstool and looked down at her hands for a moment.

Holly turned the oven on and stuck the casserole dish inside and then walked over to stand across the bar from Lily.

“Lily, what is it?”

“You said daughter-in-law,” she croaked.

Holly’s face softened and then she smiled gently as she leaned on the countertop.

“I know I’m getting way ahead of myself, but I know my boys. I know their fathers. When they love, they love passionately. With their whole heart. Up to now, no one has captured that heart. Until you.” Lily swallowed as her chest tightened and emotion crowded in so full and heavy. She didn’t even know what to say.

Holly reached across the bar and laid her hands over Lily’s. “I’m going to ask you something that’s none of my business, and feel free to say so. I know how my boys feel about you. But how do you feel about them?”

Lily glanced up to see worry and concern in Holly’s eyes. But also understanding. It was that understanding that prompted Lily to be completely honest even as the idea of saying aloud all that was in her heart terrified her.

“I love them,” she whispered. “Is that stupid? I mean, three men?”

“No, honey,” Holly said gently. “It’s not stupid, but then look who you’re talking to.” Lily laughed as she realized just how dumb of a question it truly had been.

“Oh God, Holly. I’m so terrified. I feel like I’m on the edge of a cliff with one foot in the air about to tip right over the edge.”

Holly walked around the bar and slid onto the barstool next to Lily. She wrapped her arm around Lily’s shoulders and squeezed.

“I might be the only woman in the world who knows exactly how you’re feeling.”

“My heart tells me I love them, but my mind asks how it’s possible to love three very different people at the same time.”

“The heart has an endless capacity for love,” Holly said. “As a woman you love your family, your children—especially your children—your friends, and you love your husband or lover. Who’s to say you can’t love three men with all your heart and soul? I mean, really, who makes the rules?”

“Seth told me he loved me,” Lily blurted.

Holly smiled. “I’m not surprised that he’d be the first. He might be the oldest, but he’s so unlike my Adam in that regard. Adam…he’s hard sometimes, and he doesn’t easily share what’s in his heart. Seth is more open and honest. Dillon?” She sighed as she mentioned her youngest. “That boy is completely unpredictable. And Michael is so intense and focused. He tends to be more analytical.” Lily nodded. “I still feel like I’m getting to know all of them and their personalities. That’s why I ask myself how I can know I love them.”

“I’m going to tell you something right now. If you wait to completely know someone, you’ll wait forever. Sometimes you have to lead with your heart. Even after so many years, my husbands still do things that surprise me. I didn’t know them any longer than you’ve known my boys, but I took a chance. I took the leap and I’ve never regretted it. Not once. Life is about taking chances. Sometimes they bite you on the ass, but sometimes you find pure perfection.”

“This is going to sound stupid,” Lily said in a low voice.

Holly chuckled. “I think we’ve already established that nothing about how you feel or react to this situation is stupid. Normal, yes. Stupid, no.”

“I didn’t tell him I loved him.”

Holly paused, waiting for Lily to continue. When Lily remained silent, Holly rubbed her hand up and down Lily’s arm.

“Did you not say it back because you were unsure?”

“This is where the stupid part comes in,” Lily muttered. “I didn’t tell him for two reasons. Well, maybe three. One, I didn’t want him to think I was just saying it because he said it. Two, I was so surprised.

I wasn’t expecting the words and I was overwhelmed. And three…I felt guilty.”

“Guilty?”

“I didn’t want to tell him first. I mean before telling Dillon and Michael. I didn’t want them to feel like my feelings were stronger for Seth. It all sounds so ridiculous but I love them all or at least I feel about them in a way I’ve never felt about anyone else. And it’s different but the same. I don’t have a favorite.

Will they believe that? That I love them differently but the same?” She shook her head. “Did any of that even make sense?”

Holly hugged Lily to her. “You could be me thirty-plus years ago, honey. And you know, it was actually harder for me to square my feelings with myself than it was with each of my husbands individually. There’s a lot of trust that has to go into a relationship like this. You have to trust that they’re all going to make a firm commitment to you and that they’re going to love you with every part of themselves. But in turn, they have to trust that you’re going to love them with everything you have, individually and together. Does that make sense? There’s only so much you can do. The rest is up to them.

You love them. They have to accept that love and trust in it.” Lily smiled. “It makes perfect sense. Thank you. I’ve been so worried, not over the relationship itself.

They make it seem so…normal. But I’ve worried about handling it the right way. What if I make a mistake? It seems so important to get it all right in the beginning.”

“Oh, you’ll make mistakes,” Holly said cheerfully. “And believe me, so will they. It’s very much a discovery process that you tackle along the way. But the most important thing is that you’re committed to making it work. As long as each of you has resolved within yourself that this is what you want and that you’ll do whatever it takes to make it work, the rest will take care of itself.”

“You should probably check the oven,” Lily said as she sniffed the air.

“Oh shoot! Trust me to get sidetracked. I tell you this is why I stay out of the kitchen.” Holly hurried around to the oven and took out the casserole. She placed it on a large potholder on the counter and leaned over to inspect it.

“I think it’s perfect! You’re my witness, Lily. I not only did not burn down the kitchen, but the casserole is done to perfection.”

Lily laughed, and in that moment the sun seemed to shine a little brighter through the kitchen window.

It was okay. She was happy. She could make this work. Her future had taken an abrupt right turn from its path of just a few weeks ago. And the only obstacles to overcome were those that were self-imposed.