This, I Can Do

Lungs of steel. That’s what we should have named her. “Abigail” is far too refined for my little bundle of energy and noise. But Bradley insisted his daughter should have a family name, and I never could say no to that man. When he rolled over this morning and put his hand on my hip…well, if he’d asked, I just might have succumbed. It would have been our first one since becoming parents.

The night still weighed heavy on my eyelids. Those tiny nubs of teeth poking through Abbie’s gums caused havoc in every part of my daily life. I can barely feed her, I can barely sleep, I can barely hear myself think. Her pain is my pain, in every way. But when she screams and I’ve hardly slept, I just want to put her in a soundproof room and chug booze straight from the bottle. I eyed the pantry. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d had a drink this early, but I hadn’t done it in years.

I held my little caterwauling cutie, and bounced her in my arms out of habit more than hope. I desperately needed it to be nap time. She was tired, for sure. She hadn’t slept any better than I had. But she was still going strong.

Desperation won out and I laid my little noisemaker in her crib. She pulled herself to her feet and stared me down balefully. Abigail could always make herself clear, even though she had no words yet. Just what the hell do you think you’re doing, mommy?

I scanned the room, looking for her pacifier. It wasn’t on the changing table, where I always leave it. A spider of panic stretched its legs through my belly.

As if sensing my distress, Abbie screamed a little louder and grabbed my finger.

“Oh, sweetie. Give mommy two minutes. Please.”

I pulled loose from her desperate grip and scuttled out to the phone, dialing Bradley’s number as I hurried back to Abbie’s room.

“Charles Electronics, Richelle speaking.”

“Hi, Richelle, it’s Teresa. Can I please speak to Bradley, please?”

“Sorry? I can barely hear you. Is that a fire engine?”

“No, it’s the latest club mix. All the kids are getting down to it. Can I please speak to Bradley?”

Richelle sighed and muttered something I wouldn’t have heard even without Abbie’s noise. I almost wet myself with relief when I heard Bradley’s voice.

“Charles Electronics, Bradley- woah. My little girl’s really got a head of steam going, huh?”

“So’s your big girl. I need to know where you put her pacifier.”

“In the trash.”

“What?”

“She killed it. You know we can’t use it once it’s torn.”

“Oh, fu-…uh, phooey. That was the last one.”

“I’ll get out at lunch and pick up some more.”

“And a quart of tequila.”

“Done.”

I closed Abbie’s door, just to get a tiny break from the wall of noise. “Bradley, I don’t know how much longer I can take this.”

“Oh, Tez.”

“I don’t mean just this morning. I mean…” I was scared to finish that sentence.

“How long’s she been going?”

“Since just after you left. You must’ve woken her.”

“Well, there’s no way I’m going to work without saying goodbye to my baby.”

“Maybe next time, you should take her with you.”

As if she could sense her missing daddy on the phone, Abbie started squawking like I was murdering her. Even with the door closed I had no hope of hearing Bradley.

“Babe, I’ll have to call you back. When my headache goes to sleep.”

I hung up without waiting for a reply. Times like this I wish I’d taken him up on his offer to stay home, and let me go back to work.

Abbie kept squealing, each note of pain shriller than the last. I slapped my hands over my ears and squealed back at her, which made me feel better in a very childish way. Of course, all Abbie heard was a challenge to her position as head screamer, and cranked it up another notch.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” I usually avoided swearing around her, but I reveled in the fact that, for a few more months at least, I still could.

I slapped Abbie’s door a couple of times. “Cry it out, sweetie.” So far, Abbie had won every battle, but maybe this time…maybe.

My own tantrum in full swing, I stormed off to take a hot shower.

The white noise of hot water cascading over me was more beautiful than a symphony. Just because of what it was blocking. It was rare for me to shower this late in the morning. Usually I squeeze in a quick one between when Bradley wakes and when he leaves for work. Not today.

It suddenly occurred to me that since I was committed to leaving Abbie alone until she dropped off to sleep, I didn’t need to just hose myself down and then run. I could take my time. Then the memory of Bradley’s hand on my hip lit a tiny fuse inside me that I’d almost forgotten was there.

I decided to skip the bar of soap, opting instead for the gel. I didn’t want anything getting between my fingers and my skin.

Just resting my hands against my breasts felt like an indulgence. Treating my body like more than just a feeding, carrying, caring machine — like it was okay to receive as well as give — was absolutely luxurious.

I bit my lip as my fingers dripped southwards, slow as molasses, and warm as regurgitated breast milk.

“Dammit!” I couldn’t even last two minutes before being a mommy interrupted me. I pushed my head back under the stream of hot water, trying to wash out any maternal thoughts so I could focus on sexy ones. God, it’d been so long. I had to mix fantasy with memory. The gush of Bradley’s breath against the back of my neck. His palm on my skin, his teeth in my shoulder. The push of his cock against my ass.

I pressed my clit, sending out a thrill that pulsed through my body like a shockwave. An intense jolt of pleasure that my heart knew was perfect, even as my brain tried to tell me that mommies don’t do this kind of thing.

With Bradley’s cock still on my mind, I plunged two fingers inside myself and explored. I’d never been afraid of my own body before, but now this felt more like a sin than ever. As if I believed my own mother’s crap about childbirth being a miracle, and motherhood being somehow holy. Like I always told her: people have been making babies a whole lot longer than they’ve been making religions.

The pleasure of playing like this was remarkable. It was a little like visiting an old friend…in a new house. So much was still the same, but giving birth had clearly…performed some renovations.

I figured that, while this was a little selfish luxury, I still had so much to do today. With a few trips around my little nub, I worked myself into a sweet climax that relieved the tension a bit. Okay, so it wasn’t like the earth-shattering ones I got with Bradley, but at least it was something.

I shut off the water and listened. Fuck. Even over the exhaust fan I could hear she was still screaming. I leaned my head out the bathroom door to check the time. Just gone ten. I hadn’t been very long in there, but to come out and hear Abbie still going made me feel like the biggest heel ever.

I grabbed my towel and pawed at my hair, ready to make a nude wet dash to Abbie’s side, when…she stopped. A gurgle. A giggle. I froze in place. Had someone switched babies on me?

And then something else. Maybe a voice? The fan was loud enough that I couldn’t make it out. Still naked, I sprinted up to her doorway, fingers curled ready to scratch eyes out. And ran straight into the broad, dress-shirt draped back of my husband.

“Bradley? What are you…?”

He turned to face me, his gaze dripping over my body far slower than the water had.

“Hey, Tez. You sounded so strung out on the phone. So I took the rest of the day off.” He pushed my wet hair back from my forehead. “How come you don’t welcome me like this every day?”

I felt like sinking into his touch, but then remembered the stretch marks on my Buddha belly, the cellulite on my ass and thighs, and I whipped the towel over myself.

“Richelle’s not gonna be happy.”

“That’s when she’s happiest.”

“Seriously, though, babe. We can’t afford you to miss work. Or get fired.”

“It’s all cool, Tez. I told her: if she fires me, I’ll quit.”

“Strong argument.”

He kissed my forehead and my knees shuddered. “But really, Tez…it’s all cool. No, she’s not happy, but she could see it on my face how important it was for me to go. Even if she thinks parents are idiots for bringing this on themselves.”

“How can someone have such a dislike for kids?”

“She’s barely stopped being one. But it’s okay.” He picked Abbie up, tickling a gorgeous giggle out of her belly as he did so. “I’m used to being ordered around by younger women.”

I almost melted as Abbie smacked at Bradley’s cheeks. An enormous grin split her face in two, her teething pain apparently reserved only for her lucky mommy. The connection between the two of them made me jealous, sometimes, but I still wouldn’t have it any other way.

Bradley lifted our daughter right up above his head. “So, miss Gabby Abbie…I hear you’re making life tough for your mommy. What can we do about that?”

Abbie squealed and flapped her arms like a chubby flamingo.

“Bradley, don’t rev her up. I’ve been trying to get her down for over an hour.”

“Oh, we don’t want to get her down, maaaaaan…we wanna peace her out.”

“Babe, you’re about four decades late.”

He pulled Abbie back down into a bear hug, then leaned over to me. He curled his strong arm over my shoulder and dragged me around to the other side of our daughter.

“Abbie sandwich!”

I rolled my eyes, but the silliness of his mood was contagious.

He kissed Abbie on the forehead, then did the same to me. “Mommy, could you please reach into my pocket?”

“Pardon?”

“I have something down there you’ll loooo-ooooove…”

“Hmph. I’ll be the judge of that.”

I slipped my fingers into the pocket of his trousers and felt a little paper bag. Inside it was a tube of teething gel and a brand new pacifier.

“And the quart of tequila? That in your other pocket?”

He kissed my cheek and took the items from me. “Go. Sleep. I got this.”

There was a big stubborn streak that told me I shouldn’t go. I should look after this myself. We’d decided — I’d decided — that I’d be the stay-at-home parent. But the thought of catching up on some sleep was more appealing to me than anything else right now.

“Husband…will you marry me?”

“Any time, wifey.”

I kissed them both and turned to leave.

“Oh, God, Tez. You have a beautiful ass.”

I’d forgotten to wrap the towel right around behind me. “That’s not my ass. I borrowed it from a pink hippo.” I still hadn’t gotten used to the changes that pregnancy had imposed on my body.

I glanced back at him, but despite my instincts I didn’t hide myself. I struggled to remember the last time I’d let Bradley see me naked. I think it was when I was laid up, pushing seven pounds of human out of me. Watching Bradley ogling me felt as decadent as my shower had. And the smile he was barely wearing was the sexiest thing I’d seen in ages.

“Sorry, Tez. I can’t help myself. But please, go. You need the sleep.”

I settled on the bed, just as Bradley’s voice came sing-songing through. “By the way…I heard you in the shower.”

“Oh, that. I was…cleaning it.”

“I bet you were.”

The bed was comfortable and the morning was warm. With the blinds closed, the room had a twilight feel about it. The night had been awful, and my beautiful husband was tending our beautiful baby. Conditions were perfect for a long and well-deserved sleep.

So it was sweet torture to realize that I was horny like I couldn’t believe. My shower interlude had done less than nothing. It was like killing one ant, only to awaken the entire colony. The tickling want in my pussy had only one cure, and it was the one that, after months of discomfort and then 19 hours of agony, scared me the most.

Bradley’s cock.

Everything was quiet in the house. Either Bradley had left with Abbie, or he’d done the impossible. Actually gotten her down.

“Babe?” I remembered my sister using that voice. The one you try to project three rooms away without actually making any noise.

He nudged the door open. Abbie was still in his arms, but with a gel-coated pacifier in her mouth she was finally, blissfully asleep. Or maybe it was the warmth and strong pounding of her daddy’s chest. Hell, I’d long ago lost count of the times I’d fallen asleep listening to Bradley’s heartbeat.

“Babe, why don’t you put her down?”

“I don’t get to hold her like this all that often.”

I drew the covers slowly down and showed him where my hand was. “Oh. Okay.”

Bradley moaned as he once again studied my naked body. “Oh, God. I’ll be right back.”

Abbie stirred as he placed her back in her crib. She let out a plaintive little moaning cry and I felt my belly tense up. That was it. She was back awake. I knew it.

There was a little bleating, and I could hear Bradley cooing at her, and then…silence. I held my breath as if the sound of it would wake her. Then, there he was. My knight in shining drool. The sexiest thing I’d seen in…forever.

“You did it. I don’t know how, but you actually did it.”

He made short work of his messed-up shirt and started on his belt. “You made the play. I just scored the touchdown.”

Unable to resist any longer, I rolled up off the bed and threw myself into him. He curled those big arms around me and slipped his hands down to cup my huge ass.

“Oh, Tez. I’ve missed this.”

With my head resting against his chest, right where his “Abigail” tattoo sat, his deep voice boomed in my ear. It wasn’t making me sleepy, though.

I stripped his belt out from his pants and pulled him free of them. His cock felt like a soldier returning from war, hot and hard and oh-so-ready. “Oh, babe…” I slipped free of his arms and fell to my knees. The warmth of the day had given him a sheen of manly sweat that spiced up the taste of his cock.

“Tez…Tez…” Just that. It was like he had no other words. His body trembled as my mouth worked him. I wasn’t sure I’d ever want to stop. This was the most powerful, and capable, I’d felt since Abbie was born. This, I could do.

Bradley cupped my head and squeezed my hair the way he always did. The way I showed him to. Not directing me, not controlling me, just holding on and enjoying the ride.

With all that beautiful upper-body strength of his, he slid my mouth off him and picked me up. He did it so easily, I felt like I was the baby. But the kiss he gave me was adults-only.

He finally came up for air. “Now, Teresa Ross. It’s ‘you-time’. I’m putting you on the bed, and then I’ll be putting my mouth on you in a very carnal way. You will not argue. You will not stop me. And you will not — repeat not — hide your beautiful body from me.”

“Oh, no, I don’t-”

“Was I not clear?”

He didn’t wait for an answer. He draped me across the bed and sank his fingers into my knees, dragging me open, revealing to him all the changes that childbirth had wrought.

“My God, you’re beautiful, Tez.”

“You can’t possibly-”

He silenced me with a look. “Please, Tez. Don’t lump me in with all the men you women say ‘Men!’ about, okay?” He curled his fingertips into my wild bush. “You think because models and porn stars look a certain way, then that’s the only thing men find attractive? That all men want the same thing?”

“No, of course not.” I wasn’t sure if I was lying.

His fingers described wider and wider arcs, flicking across the tender flesh of my lips. “I’m a strong man, but you make me so weak.” He held up his hand, showing the tiny moon-sliver scars that I’d given him as Abbie came out of me. “You are more beautiful to me than you’ve ever been.”

“And you to me.”

He kissed the softness at the inside of my knee. “And this-” He pointed at me and back at himself. “This works. Because you do what I can’t. And I do…what you can’t.”

His eyes closed and he ran his tongue up the length of my thigh, stopping only when he had my cunt in his mouth.

And he was right. Oh, fuck, was he right. His tongue was magical in a way that my fingers had never been. He always did what I couldn’t. Quakes of pleasure erupted from the heart of my clit and pulsed through my body. It felt like my limbs were stretching, though they were barely moving.

Bradley’s low-level moans buzzed against my pussy. He dug his fingers into my belly, really sinking them into the flesh that hadn’t yet returned to pre-motherhood tautness, and maybe never would. I grabbed at his hand and pulled it away, embarrassed at the rippled texture and the oceanic waves.

Without missing a beat, he replaced his hand with his mouth, planting deep, open kisses all over the breadth of my stretch-marked stomach.

“Babe, what…?”

He said nothing, just slipped a couple of fingers inside me while he made love to my skin. With his thumb on my clit I lost the power of speech. And in truth, the adoration he clearly felt for my big belly worked a magic on me that no words had.

I felt his mouth inching higher, traipsing wide paths over my skin. He peppered my breasts with sharp kisses while his hands became acquainted with all parts of the new me. He kissed my nipples with a tenderness that bordered on neglect.

“Oh boy, Tez. Our little girl’s been working you hard, huh?”

“You can try them if you want. You might get a little more than you bargain for, though.”

He kissed each one again, and smiled. “Aw, I’m not gonna steal from Abbie. I’d have to share my beer with her to make it fair.”

“Turkey.”

He silenced me with a deep kiss that curled my toes. I devoured him, every part of him, from the remnants of his aftershave to the scratching of his already-there stubble. From the weight of his body on me to the lightness of his touch inside me.

He pulled back and just looked at me for a moment. I could feel tears in my eyes, and was surprised to see them in his, too. I slipped my hand against his neck. “I’m sorry, babe.”

“What for?”

“For being so scared for so long.”

He moved my hand down to his chest. “You feel my heart? I’m petrified.”

“You’re scared? What of?”

A few heavy tears landed on my lips and I swallowed them. I don’t know if they were mine or Bradley’s.

“Hurting you.”

“Trust me, babe.” I dropped into a stage whisper. “I’m not a virgin.”

“Not like that. Turkey.” He held up his hand again, the one with the little scars on it. “I’m a man. I’m a doer. A protector.”

I kissed his hand, kissed all the little marks I’d made. “You are. You do.”

He pressed his fingers to my cheek, ran them slowly down my body, coming to rest on my hip.

“I know it was all happening to you. The pain was yours, the vulnerability, the anger. But there’s still pain for a man. To see the woman you love more than life itself, tearing at the bedsheets, clawing at the world, because she’s hurting so bad and there’s nothing you can do about it. It wouldn’t be one-tenth of what you felt. But it’s the greatest pain I’ve ever known.”

“Oh, babe.” I reached down and stroked him, though he was as hard as I’d ever seen him. I pulled on him lightly, just drawing him in, guiding him home.

Suddenly, he was right there. One little push and he’d fill me.

I moved my hand out of harm’s way and pulled at him with my feet. He slipped easily into me and I gave his shoulder some little marks to match the ones on his hand.

“Oh, babe…I’ve missed this. So fucking much.”

I could sense him holding back, as if his strength would somehow hurt me. Now…or in nine months’ time.

“Babe, stop.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I want this. Hell, I need this. But not this way.” I pushed him over on his back and rolled up on top.

I grabbed his wrists, held his hands down beside his head, draping my breasts all over his face. When I’m a mommy, I feel like my life is out of control, like every moment is a challenge. But in that moment, astride my bull-strong husband and directing the play, I was the alpha. The driver. This, I could do.

Anchored in place, I ground my hips over Bradley’s, took his cock deep inside me. His face sizzled with intensity and want, and it made me ride him even harder. He nipped at my heavy breasts and bunted at my wide hips. He pushed up with his hands but couldn’t break my grip.

I bit into my lip as I squeezed his body with my thighs. The waves of pleasure that arced from my clit seemed to reach deeper and wider than they had before pregnancy. As if the pounding of my contractions had beaten down walls, opened new channels within me.

Bradley’s breath came in short, punching blows, and I knew he was close to coming. The desire on his face turned to beautiful pain as the heat of his climax burst inside me.

I followed right after, my orgasm erupting with a power that astonished me, but that I finally understood. Because, yeah, childbirth had been hell, but I’d beaten it. It was no longer some formless monster hiding around that next corner. It was something I could do. And knowing I had that strength made me feel sexier than any lingerie ever could.

I fell into Bradley’s arms, my hair sticking to my face. Neither of us had the breath to speak, nor the words to say.

As if on cue, Abbie began to cry again. I lifted my head and groaned, but Bradley steered me back down off his body and onto the bed.

“I got this, Tez.”

He slipped off the bed, pulled on some shorts and left the room. I knew the moment he arrived at Abbie’s door, simply by the squealing giggle she let loose.

“Hello, Gabby Abbie. How’s my little wonder? Oh, you’re a hungry little thing, huh?”

He laid her down on the bed beside me and she latched on like there was no tomorrow. Bradley sat and watched us, his smiling face glinting with a sheen of tears.

“God, you’re perfect. Both of you.”

I held my hand out to him, and he kissed my fingers.

“You know, Tez, I bet Ray would give you your job back in a flash. If you want it.”

I pulled him down so his body and mine shielded Abbie from the world. “No, babe. Everything I want is right here.”

“You sure?”

“Uh-huh.” I stroked Abbie’s impossibly soft hair. “This…this, I can do.”

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