Dark Rider

Sixteen

Jared arranged for Charles Deville to be buried the next morning in a cemetery near a small village just outside Paris. Through some machinations and Guillaume's help, he even managed to have the village priest preside at the graveside.

Cassie did not cry at the funeral. She felt frozen, barely able to think or feel.

"We can stay here in the village tonight," Jared said as he helped her into the carriage. "We don't have to go on."

She supposed he was being kind. He didn't realize that the man in the grave was no longer her father. Her father was somewhere else now. She wearily settled herself on the seat beside Lani. "I want to leave this place."

He studied her face, then nodded. "Very well. We'll leave for the coast at once." He turned away and mounted his horse.

Lani's hand covered Cassie's as the carriage lurched forward. "You're right, it's wise to go on. After you say good-bye, you must not look back in sorrow."

Cassie smiled sadly. "They won't understand the way we believe. The English think we must wear black weeds and flaunt our sorrow for months."

"Perhaps Jared is more understanding than you think."

"I don't want to know if he is."

"You wish to keep him at a distance." Lani nodded understandingly. "You think he cannot forget the past and all the bitterness. It was your father who bore the guilt, not you."

But would he ever be able to look at her without seeing her father and that scene at Danjuet? Now that she had accepted her father's guilt, it seemed incredible Jared had even wanted to touch her. "If he could forget, there would still be no life for us. I couldn't… It would be…" She was silent, then whispered, "I'm not as generous as you, Lani. I couldn't occupy his bed and not his life. I'd want everything. I wouldn't know how to be a duke's mistress."

"No, you wouldn't." Lani squeezed her hand. "I'll tell Jared you wish to go home."

She knew he would not accept it. She would have to stay out of his way, out of his sight. It should not be too difficult. As she had said, the English custom demanded a long period of mourning. Jared might have the reputation of ignoring tradition, but such beliefs were ingrained from childhood. "I need to leave right away."

Lani nodded. "It's best for both of us. We have no place with these people now."

Josette met them when they rode into the courtyard at Morland.

"Is everything all right? Are you angry with me? I had to tell him, Cassie. He said you were in danger, and I didn't think it would matter since-"

"I'm not angry." Cassie held up her hand to stop the flood of words that was about to pour from Josette's lips. "And I understand. But I'm very tired and would like to rest now." She started up the steps. "Is Kapu well?"

"Yes." Josette stared after her, puzzled. "Don't you want to go see him?"

"Later." She disappeared into the castle.

"Leave her alone for a time, Josette," Lani said. "She's still mourning. We buried her father yesterday." She turned to Jared. "Cassie and I spoke after the funeral. It's time we went home. Will you see to arranging passage?"

"Don't be foolish," he said roughly. "I'll take you myself."

"That's not necessary."

"It is to me."

"Then let it be done at once. She needs familiar things around her."

"It will take at least a week to put my affairs in order and ready the Josephine for a long voyage."

"Then start right away." She turned and followed Cassie into the house.

Jared stared after her, his hands clenching on the reins. He couldn't leave it like this. He wanted to comfort Cassie. He wanted to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be good again. He had to do something.

"Think again, lad," Bradford said as he dismounted. "Patience. She's not ready."

"I know that." He slid from his horse and threw the reins to Joe. "I'm not completely mad." He started across the courtyard toward the stable.

Josette ran after him. "Where are you going?"

"For a ride."

"May I go with you?"

Jared didn't want company. He felt as tethered and on edge as Kapu when he had first been lifted aboard the Josephine.

"Please," Josette whispered.

He nodded curtly. None of this was Josette's fault, and he knew the pain of being closed out. Cassie had scarcely looked at him since they had left Cambre's library. "Come along."

"Do you suppose Cassie would mind if I rode Kapu? I've been exercising him since she left."

He shook his head. "She won't mind." Christ, he was even feeling envy of Josette. Cassie had never allowed him to ride the stallion, never allowed him the camaraderie she gave the girl. There had always been wariness and distrust between them. Even that last terrible confrontation with Cambre had been initiated by distrust.

"You said you were taking Cassie home," Josette said. "May I go with you?"

He shook his head. "It's too long a journey."

"I thought you'd say that." She bit her lip. "I don't want them to go. I don't want any of you to go."

"We have to go. You heard Lani." She looked so distressed that he put his arm around her. "You'll be busy here. I need you to help Mrs. Blakely and my agent oversee Morland."

"They do very well by themselves. I really want to go, Jared."

He shook his head.

She sighed. "I can't convince you, can I?"

He brushed the top of her head with his lips. "Not this time."

She shrugged. "Then I won't try." She opened the stable door and suddenly brightened. "At least I won't have to go back to school. I'm sure I can keep myself amused."

Jared grimaced. "I'm sure you can, too. God help us all."

The scents of the dark stable were blessedly familiar to Cassie. As usual they soothed her, eased the aching loss she had felt since she had arrived back at Morland over a week ago. Kapu nickered softly as she drew close.

"Hello, boy," Cassie whispered as she stroked Kapu's nose. "It's so good to see you. I didn't want to leave you alone this long. Have you missed me?"

"I've missed you," Jared said.

She stiffened, then turned to watch him walk out of the shadows. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you." He stopped before her. "It's been eight days, but I knew you'd come here eventually. I've been waiting here every night. You might choose to avoid me, but never Kapu. You must really have been desperate to hide from me to keep away from him for an entire week."

She evaded the accusation. "Since we're going to leave tomorrow, I wanted him to know I'd be with him. You know how he hates ships."

"He'll be all right. He'll have Morgana in the cargo hold with him this time. Cassie, I-"

She quickly turned back to the stallion. "It seems such a long time since I saw him. So much has happened…"

"Yes." He paused and then said deliberately, "I've killed a man and your father is dead." He took a step closer and added fiercely, "But you know I didn't kill your father, so why won't you talk to me?"

"There's nothing to say."

"There's everything to say. You would have died to save me, and now you don't think I'm worth a word?"

"I owed you a debt. You didn't have to come when Cambre sent for you."

"Of course I had to come. I could no more have stopped myself than I could have stopped breathing." He turned her to face him. "Stop looking at that stallion. I'm trying to tell you something."

"I don't want to hear it."

"You're going to hear it anyway. I'm not going to let you walk away from me this time. We've gone too far." His eyes held hers. "I know this isn't the time, but I can't help it. I came to you when Cambre sent for me because we were meant to be together and I didn't want to live without you. You stepped in front of me when Cambre was pointing that pistol for the same reason. We belong to each other, and I'm not going to let you go because of everything that's gone before. Though he may have saved my life, I'll never be able to share fond memories of your father. But you'll never hear me speak against him. It's over, we start again." He drew a deep breath. "That's all I wanted to say. I'm not going to force you. I know I have to give you time to heal. I just wanted you to-" He stopped and then the frustration exploded. "Just don't avoid me. I can't stand it, goddammit." He released her and started toward the door.

"It's not possible," she burst out. "I thought I was like Lihua and Lani, but I'm more selfish. I can't live-"

"At Morland?" he interrupted. "Then we'll live half the year on your island."

"That's not what I mean." This was incredibly painful. She said haltingly. "I… cannot be your mistress."

He gazed at her incredulously. "My God, haven't you heard a word I said? I don't want a mistress, I want a wife!" He strode out of the stable and slammed the door.

She stared after him in astonishment, her head awhirl with the words he had spoken.

We were meant to be together.

I'll never let you walk away again.

Wife.

He had said everything but the word she wanted most to hear, the word that had been forbidden to them since they had first met.

She could not condemn him when she had not said it either.

She turned back to Kapu and laid her head against his. A tingling, glowing warmth was moving through her, dissolving the ice and sadness. A new start… Dear heaven, how she wanted to start anew with Jared. Right now, this minute.

No, not yet. In English eyes she was in mourning and therefore inviolate. She had been grateful for that belief when she had been trying to avoid Jared, but now she would have to think of a way to banish those scruples.

The Josephine.

She smiled as she gently stroked the stallion.

Oh yes, definitely, the Josephine.

The next day Josette looked so woebegone standing alone in the courtyard as they rode through the gates that it almost broke Cassie's heart.

Blinking to keep back tears, Cassie waved to the girl. "I'm going to miss her."

Lani nodded. "But it may not be forever. Jared may let her come to us for a visit."

Cassie's gaze went to Jared riding ahead with Bradford, and joy surged through her. Lani was right, it would not be forever.

"What is it?" She turned to see Lani studying her speculatively. "You suddenly seem very cheerful."

"I'm happy to be going home."

"No, that's not all. Tell me."

Cassie smiled. "There's nothing to tell."

But there would be soon. The thought sent another ripple of pleasure through her, and she suddenly felt light as air. But first, there was something she had to do. She turned to Lani. "Did I tell you Papa said I was to take care of you?"

"No." Lani clearly found the thought startling. "You only said he had spoken of me with love. I need no one to care for me."

"You have no need but you deserve it." She smiled. "However, the task may prove too difficult for me. I think we'll have to arrange to choose someone in my stead." Her gaze went to Bradford. "I believe that's a likely lad."

"He's hardly a lad."

"He is around you."

"He drinks too much."

"Not any longer. I haven't seen him take more than a glass of wine."

"He's stubborn and contrary."

"Then you'll find him a challenge."

Lani frowned. "He made me stay in that pension when I wanted to go to you. He says he needs me and then he does not take my help. I told him I wouldn't forgive him."

"A terrible crime," Cassie said solemnly. "No wonder you haven't spoken to him since Papa's death."

Lani was silent a long time. "I am Polynesian. You saw how people behaved at that woman's ball. I will not hurt him."

Cassie knew she had reached the source; all the other excuses were barriers to protect Bradford. "You've always told me to be true to myself and that others didn't matter. Was it a lie?"

"No, it was not a lie," Lani said. "But I cannot hurt him."

"You'll hurt him if you force him to leave you."

Lani's lips quivered slightly before she firmed them. "I don't wish to speak of this."

"Then don't speak, do something. You're not a woman who can close herself away from life. Reach out to him."

"I will think about it."

Cassie said no more. She had planted a seed, but Lani would not tolerate any overt interference.

Well, perhaps a little interference…

"Cassie said you wanted to see me."

Lani turned away from watching Jared and Cassie lead the horses up the gangplank and saw Bradford beside her. His expression was eager and boyish, and she felt a melting deep within her. She wanted to smack Cassie.

"She was mistaken."

His face fell with disappointment, and she felt an impulse to gather him close and soothe the pain away.

He forced a smile. "I should have known it was too soon. You're still mourning."

"No," she said. "Charles will always be with me, but the time for mourning is past."

"But you won't have me."

She shook her head.

"Then I'll wait. I'll wait forever."

He would do it. She gazed at him helplessly. "How can I convince you this is not a good thing for you?"

"It's a wonderful thing for me. The most wonderful thing that's ever happened to me."

"We live in different worlds."

"True. Won't it be interesting?"

"No, it will be cruel and hard and-"

"You're weeping," he said in wonder.

"I'm not without sympathy for your pain."

"And your own."

She didn't answer for a moment, and when she did, the words were nearly inaudible. "And my own."

His face lit with a luminous smile. "You love me."

"I… have a certain affection for you."

"You love me."

"All right, I love you," she burst out. "Are you satisfied now?" She took a swift step back when he reached out to touch her. "No!"

His hand fell to his side. "I won't move quickly. Not if you don't want me to."

She desperately wanted him to touch her, but she was afraid she would flow into his arms and all would be lost. She had to remain in control of the situation, or he would destroy himself. "I can't convince you to leave me?"

"Not in the next hundred years."

"Very well." She moistened her lips. "I'll let you stay, but it will be on my terms. There will be no marriage."

He gazed at her, waiting.

"We will talk. We will take walks. We will play cards and chess."

"Whatever you want. Is that all?"

"No, we will couple."

A wide smile illuminated his face. "Anything else?"

"Babies. I like babies. Then when you leave me-"

"I like babies too."

"But you must not feel it's necessary to stay with me because I have children. My people love babies for themselves, not because of words said over them by the Church."

"I won't feel it necessary to stay with you," he promised. "Anything else?"

She shook her head. "But you must not speak of marriage."

"Oh, I won't." He smiled and held out his hand to her. "Not for a long, long time. Maybe after our third child is born."

She gazed at him in despair. What could you do with a man like Bradford?

Love him, take care of him, reach out to him.

Reach out to life.

She took his hand.

Lightning seared the night sky to the east.

Not tonight, Cassie prayed. The horses had settled down wonderfully in the cargo hold, but a storm would mean she would have to spend the night with them.

The storm was far away, though; maybe it would skirt around them.

She paused outside Jared's cabin and dropped her cloak to the deck. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

He was sitting at the desk, fully dressed, his back to her.

"You're not ready for me," she said.

He went still, the line of his spine rigid. He slowly turned in the chair to face her.

His gaze traveled from her bare feet, to her sarong-swathed hips, and then to her bare breasts. He said hoarsely, "I didn't know I was supposed to be."

She closed the door behind her. "It's all right. Things are a little different now, anyway. I even wore a cloak."

"I'm honored." His tone was guarded.

"Well, it's very chilly outside." She shook her head. "No, that's not true. It's still difficult for me not to put up barriers against you. I did it because I knew the seamen seeing me naked made you unhappy."

"I appreciate your consideration. My temper is a little frayed these days."

"Then we'll have to do something to repair it." She moved toward him across the cabin. "I have a suggestion." She stopped before him and took his hand. "You're usually very relaxed afterward." She put his hand on her breast.

A long shudder went through him. "What the devil are you doing here?"

"I don't think I could make it any plainer." Her hands went to the knot of her sarong. "But I'll try."

He snatched her hand away. "Stop it. This isn't the time… Christ, what am I saying?"

"Foolishness."

He ran his fingers through his hair. "I think you're right. I should just reach out and grab… No, goddammit; it has to be right this time." He pulled her down to her knees on the floor in front of him. "Is it lust? Did you come here because it's the Josephine and it's what you became accustomed to doing? Because if it is, then you can just get out of here…" He muttered, "Maybe."

"There will always be lust." Her smile faded. "But that's not why I'm here." It was time. It had to be said, but she couldn't look at him when she said it. She laid her cheek on his knees. "I… love you. It would please me if you would marry me. I'd like to live with you all my life. I'd like you to give me children." Her throat was tight with tears and she tried to joke. "If you do, I promise I'll even let you ride Kapu."

"Then how could I resist?" She was suddenly on his lap, his face buried in her breasts. "God, I love you. I was afraid it would take months to get you to-" His words were muffled. "I didn't know what to do."

She held him fiercely close. She would never let him go again. She said shakily, "You did very well."

He lifted his head, and his blue eyes were gleaming with mischief. "I can do better." His fingers fumbled with the knot of her sarong. "Now that I know you're not just using me to quench your-"

The door of the cabin was flung open. "You've got to come quick!"

They both turned in astonishment to see Josette standing in the doorway.

"There's a storm coming. Can't you feel this deck pitching?" Josette said. "I've been trying to quiet them, but I need you." She suddenly became aware of Cassie's dishabille. "Oh, an orgy? How interesting. Well, you can do it later. Is that your sarong? You're right, it's much more shocking than my trousers. You must let me wear it sometime." She frowned as she returned to more important concerns. "Don't just sit there. I need help with the horses." She turned and vanished from the open doorway.

"I'm going to throw her overboard," Jared said through his teeth.

Cassie was still dazed. "She stowed away?"

"She must have sailed down the coast in her boat and managed to hide herself in the cargo hold before we arrived here." Jared stood up and put Cassie on her feet. "God in heaven, what am I going to do with her?"

Cassie started to laugh; she couldn't help it. Life would never go as expected for them. There would always be twists and turns, storms and sunlight. Well, what of it? Serenity would probably bore them both.

"Exactly what she told us to do. We're going to help her with the horses." She took his hand and lovingly smiled into his eyes. "And have our orgy later."