Don’t Look Back

Chapter Three

“This has certainly been my day to come face-to-face with persons from my past,” Lavinia said. “First my encounter in Pall Mall, and then the visit with Howard Hudson. I hasten to assure you that the two men occupy entirely different positions in my esteem.”

They sat together on the stone bench in the artful and quite artificial Gothic ruin that Tobias had discovered years ago. The architect had no doubt intended the graceful structure, with its elegant pillars and charmingly decayed walls, to be used as a place of quiet contemplation. But he had made the mistake of situating it deep in a remote, overgrown section of the large park, and as a result, the public had never taken an interest in it. The fashionable world, after all, came to the park to see and be seen. They did not come in search of privacy and seclusion.

Tobias had come across the ruin in the course of a long walk and had adopted it as his own private retreat. Lavinia knew that she was the only other person he had ever brought here to share it with him.

He had made love to her here. The memory swept through her, stirring a volatile brew of emotions that she had never even dreamed she was capable of experiencing until she met Tobias. Nothing about her association with him was simple or straightforward, she thought. On the one hand, he was the most infuriating man she knew. He was also the most exciting gentleman of her acquaintance. Just the act of sitting here close to him sent little whispers of intense awareness through her.

She did not know yet what to make of their unusual association, with its complicated mix of business and passion. But she did know that life would never again be the same now that she had formed a connection with Tobias March.

“Who was he?” Tobias asked.

She fussed for a moment with the skirts of her gown, purchasing some time to pull her thoughts together.

“It is a long story,” she said eventually.

“I am in no hurry.”

There was no delicate place to begin. And she knew Tobias well enough by now to realize that he would not give up until he had his answers. In addition to being the most infuriating and most exciting man she had ever met, he was also the most single-minded, persistent, and stubborn.

She may as well get on with the explanations. It was the only way either of them would get home before dark.

“You may recall that I mentioned an unfortunate incident in the North.”

“Yes.”

“The gentleman I glimpsed in Pall Mall this morning is connected to the incident. His name is Oscar Pelling. The reason I was late arriving home was that I was somewhat rattled by the sight of that dreadful man. I stopped in a tea shop to fortify myself and settle my nerves.”

“Tell me about this Oscar Pelling.”

“The long and the short of it is that he accused me of being responsible for his wife’s death.” She paused. “He may well be correct.”

There was a short silence while Tobias dealt with that blunt statement. He leaned forward, rested his forearms on his thighs, and loosely clasped his big hands together between his knees. He studied the tall weeds that formed a green screen around the ruin.

“He blamed your mesmeric treatments?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“Ah.”

She stiffened. “Pray, what does that comment signify, sir?”

“It tells me why you gave up the profession two years ago and turned to a variety of other careers to support yourself and Emeline. You feared that you might have wrought some harm with your art.”

There was another silence. A lengthier spell this time.

Lavinia exhaled deeply. “It is no wonder you embarked upon a career in the private-inquiry business, sir. You have a distinct talent for deductive logic.”

“Tell me the whole tale,” he said.

“Oscar Pelling’s wife, Jessica, was one of my clients for a short time. She came to me for treatment of a nervous disorder.” She hesitated. “Jessica seemed a very pleasant woman. Pretty. Somewhat taller than average. Elegant. Wealthy, refined ladies of her station frequently possess very sensitive nerves. They are prone to attacks of the vapors and mild bouts of female hysteria.”

He nodded. “I’ve heard that.”

“But it was obvious at once that Jessica’s condition was much worse than I would have expected. She was, however, very reluctant to allow me to put her into a trance.”

“Why did she come to you for treatments if she did not wish to undergo a trance?”

“Perhaps because she felt that she had nowhere else to turn. She came to me only three times. On each of those occasions she was extremely agitated. In the course of the first two visits she questioned me quite closely on the precise nature of a mesmeric trance.”

“Did she fear being under someone else’s control?”

“Not exactly. Mrs. Pelling seemed more concerned with the possibility that she might unwittingly confide private, personal information in the course of the trance and not recall later just what she had said. I assured her that I would repeat to her precisely whatever words she spoke while in the trance, but I don’t think she felt entirely confident of my discretion.”

“She did not know you well.”

Lavinia smiled briefly. “Thank you for the compliment, Tobias.”

He shrugged. “It is nothing short of the truth. I would trust you with my deepest secrets. In fact, I have done so on more than one occasion.”

“And I would trust you with mine, sir.” She studied the line of his broad shoulders. Tobias could be stubborn and arrogant beyond belief, but one could entrust him with one’s life. “I believe we are even now establishing that fact.”

He nodded. “Proceed.”

“Yes, well, as I said, I got the impression that, although Jessica Pelling was extremely anxious about undergoing the experience, she also felt that she had little choice.”

“A desperate woman.”

“Yes.” Lavinia paused, recalling the events of that last session. “But not, I would have said, a despondent woman.”

Tobias glanced at her, surprise glinting in his intelligent eyes. “She was not suffering from melancholia, then?”

“I did not believe so at the time. As I said, during the first two visits we discussed the therapeutic nature of mesmerism. I described it to her as precisely as possible while she paced back and forth in front of my desk.”

Tobias unclasped his hands, straightened, and began to massage his left thigh with an absent air. “Mrs. Pelling sounds as if she was serious about seeking a cure for her nervous condition, but she no doubt distrusted the entire business of mesmerism. I can certainly comprehend the dilemma.”

“I am well aware that you have no use for the science. You believe that those who give therapeutic treatments with it are all charlatans and quacks, do you not?”

“That is not entirely true,” he said evenly. “I believe that some feeble-minded persons may be susceptible to a mesmeric trance. But I do not think that a practitioner would be able to impose his or her will on a man of my nature.”

She watched him massage his thigh and thought about the bullet he had taken in his leg several months ago. He had steadfastly refused her offer to use a mesmeric trance to ease the ache he frequently endured.

“Rubbish,” she said briskly. “The truth is that the thought of being put into a trance by me unnerves you so that you would prefer to suffer the discomfort of your wound rather than experiment with the procedure. Admit it, sir.”

“When I am around you, my dear, I always feel as though I am in a trance.”

“Bah. Do not try to fob off such uninspired compliments on me.”

“Uninspired?” He abruptly ceased rubbing his thigh. “I am crushed, madam. I thought it a rather charming riposte under the circumstances. In any event, my wound has healed quite nicely without the aid of mesmerism.”

“It pains you frequently, especially when the weather turns damp. It is giving you some trouble even as we speak, is it not?”

“I find a glass or two of brandy does wonders,” he said. “I shall have some as soon as I get home. Enough on that subject. Pray, continue with your tale.”

She switched her attention to the overgrown greenery in front of her. “When Jessica Pelling came to my rooms on the third and last occasion, I could see that she was distraught. She asked no more questions, but simply instructed me to put her directly into a therapeutic trance. I experienced no difficulty in doing so. Indeed, she was an excellent subject. I began to question her in an attempt to discover the source of her anxiety. To my great shock, she revealed that she was in mortal fear of her husband.”

“Oscar Pelling?”

“Yes.” Lavinia shuddered. “They had been wed for only a year, but she described a nightmarish existence.”

She summoned up the details of the last session with Jessica Pelling:

“… Oscar is angry again tonight.” Jessica spoke withthe unnatural calm of the entranced. “He says that I selected the wrong dishes for the evening meal. He claims that I did it deliberately to flout his authority as the master of the house. He tells me that I am defiant. He will have to punish me again…”

Lavinia felt a cold chill in the pit of her stomach. “Did he hurt you last night, Jessica?”

“Yes. He always hurts me when he punishes me. He says it is my fault that he is forced to administer the blows.”

“What happened, Jessica?”

“He sends the servants to their quarters. Then he seizes me by the arm. He drags me to the bedchamber and he… he hurts me. He strikes me again and again.”

Lavinia searched Jessica’s attractive face. There was no sign of marks or bruises.

“Where does he strike you, Jessica?”

“My breasts. My stomach. Everywhere but my face. He is always very careful not to bruise my face. He says he does not want anyone to feel sorry for me. I am such a poor wife that I would surely take advantage of a black eye or a cut lip to try to elicit sympathy from those who do not know that I deserved to be punished.”

Lavinia stared at her, horrified. “Does he hurt you often?”

“The rages are becoming more frequent. It is as though he is coming closer and closer to losing control altogether. It is clear that he married me only to secure my inheritance. I think that soon now he will kill me.”

Lavinia pulled herself out of the memory of the dreadful session.

“I vow, I could not bear to hear any more of her sad tale,” Lavinia said. “I cut short the trance and told her what she had said to me.”

“How did she respond?”

“She was humiliated. At first she denied it. But I could see from the way she held herself that she was in pain that was of both a psychic and physical nature. When I confronted her with that observation, she broke down and wept.”

“What can I do?” Jessica said through her tears.

“Do?” Lavinia was stunned by the simple question. “Why, you must leave him at once, of course.”

“I have dreamed of leaving him.” Jessica dried her eyes with the handkerchief Lavinia gave her. “But he controls my fortune. I have no close family left to call upon for assistance. I cannot even afford a ticket for the stage to London. And what would I do if I did manage to escape? I have no way to make a living. I would end up on the streets. And I fear that Oscar would come after me. He cannot abide a defiant woman. He would punish me terribly when he found me. He might well kill me.”

“You must hide. You could take a new name. Declare yourself to be a widow.”

“Not without money.” Jessica clutched her reticule very tightly. “I am trapped.”

Lavinia looked at the ring that Jessica wore. “Perhaps there is a way…”

“It certainly does not surprise me that you got involved in the affair,” Tobias said dryly. “What did you do?”

“Jessica wore a very unusual ring. It was gold and set with colored stones and tiny, sparkling diamonds in the shape of a flower. I asked her about it. She told me that it had come down through her family and that she had worn it since she had left the schoolroom. It looked at least somewhat valuable.”

Tobias nodded matter-of-factly. “You urged Jessica to use the ring to finance her new life.”

Lavinia shrugged. “It seemed the obvious course of action. The only other solution to her problem that I could see was that she contrive to poison Oscar Pelling. Something told me that she would falter at the notion of murdering her husband.”

Tobias’s mouth edged upward slightly at one corner. “Unlike you?”

“Only as a last resort,” she assured him. “In any event, I thought the ring plan was the best. I knew that if she could get to London with it, she would be able to sell it for a reasonable sum. Not enough to allow her to live in luxury for any length of time, of course, but sufficient to give her a means to survive until she could establish herself in a career.”

“My sweet, you have reinvented yourself so many times that I fear you overlook the fact that not everyone is as resourceful and determined as you are.”

She sighed. “You may be right. I must say that even though I thought my plan was splendid, Jessica looked appalled when I outlined it. She appeared quite daunted by the notion of taking on a new identity and finding a way to support herself. She had always had money, you see. The idea of getting by without her fortune terrified her.”

“Damned unfair, too,” Tobias mused. “After all, the money was hers.”

“Well, yes, of course. I sympathized entirely on that point. But in my opinion, it was either turn her back on her fortune and take a new name or start research on the fine art of preparing poison. As I said, I did not believe that she would be enthusiastic about the latter course of action.”

“Sometimes you send a bit of a chill through me, Lavinia.”

“Nonsense. I’m certain that had you been in my shoes, you would have given her the same advice.”

He shrugged and offered no comment.

She frowned, rethinking her remark. “I take that back. You wouldn’t have advised her to go to the trouble of establishing a new identity. You would have arranged for Pelling to meet with a nasty accident.”

“As I was not in your shoes, there is no point speculating.”

“Sometimes you send a bit of a chill through me, sir.”

He smiled at the echo of his own words, no doubt concluding that she was making a small joke. But she was not joking, she thought. Sometimes he did send a small chill through her. There were some shadowy places deep inside Tobias. Occasionally it struck her quite forcibly that there was still a great deal that she did not know about him.

“What happened to Jessica Pelling?” he asked.

“I never saw her again,” Lavinia whispered. “She committed suicide the following day.”

“How? An overdose of laudanum? Did she drink too much of the milk of the poppy?”

“No. She chose a more dramatic means. She went out riding in the midst of a violent storm and cast herself into the swollen river. Her horse returned without her. Later a maid found a note in Mrs. Pelling’s bedchamber declaring her intention to drown herself.”

“Hmm.”

There was a short silence.

“They never found her body.”

“Hmm.”

“It happened from time to time.” Lavinia clasped her hands very tightly in her lap. The memories of that awful day were so fresh and vivid now that she had to fight to draw air into her lungs. “The river was very deep and treacherous in places. It was not unheard of for some unfortunate soul to fall in when it was in flood and never be seen again.”

“Oscar Pelling blamed you for his wife’s death?”

“Yes. He confronted me in the street immediately after the searchers had abandoned all hope. He was in a state of such rage that I… I was almost afraid for my own safety.”

A great stillness came over Tobias. “Did he touch you? Put his hands on you? Hurt you in any way?”

The implacable expression that had appeared in his eyes nearly took her breath away. She swallowed and hurried on with her tale.

“No,” she said quickly. “No, indeed. He would hardly have dared to attack me in front of so many witnesses. But he accused me of driving Jessica to her death with my mesmeric treatments.”

“I see.”

“He made certain that the rumors of my incompetence spread quickly throughout the countryside. Within a very short time Oscar Pelling had utterly destroyed my reputation in the region. I lost all of my clients.” She hesitated. “In truth, I was no longer certain that I wanted to continue in the profession.”

“Because you feared that Pelling was correct. That your therapy had played some role in Jessica’s death.”

“Yes.”

There it was, she thought: Her darkest secret had now been revealed to Tobias. It suddenly dawned on her that this was the real reason she had been so shaken by the sight of Oscar Pelling. Her intuition had told her that it would somehow lead to this terrible moment when Tobias would discover that she had been involved in the death of an innocent woman. She knew all too well how much he distrusted the science of mesmerism and what he thought of those who practiced the art. She braced herself for his reaction, even as a part of her wondered when and how his opinion of her character had become so important. Why did she care so much what he thought of her?

“Pay close attention to me, Lavinia.” Tobias reached out and covered her tightly knit fingers with his own large, powerful hand. “You bear no guilt in the matter. You only tried to help her. It was a desperate situation and it called for desperate measures. Your plan for Jessica to use her ring to pay for her new life under a new name was an excellent scheme. It is not your fault that she lacked the nerve and the will to carry it out.”

At first she thought she had not heard him aright. Tobias was not blaming her. The world seemed to brighten a bit, the air becoming clearer and more fragrant. She allowed herself to breathe again.

“But perhaps by encouraging her to take such a risk, I forced her to confront her own helplessness and cast her into the depths of despair.” Lavinia squeezed her fingers into her palms. “Perhaps I made her feel that it was all hopeless and that the only way out was suicide.”

“You showed her a possible escape route. It was up to Jessica to use it.” Tobias pulled her snugly against his side and wrapped his arm around her. “You did all that you could.”

It was odd how pleasant it was to nestle against him, she thought. He was an exceedingly difficult man, but on occasion, Tobias’s solid, unwavering strength had a decidedly soothing effect on her senses.

He did not blame her for what had happened.

“I should not have let that brief glimpse of Pelling upset me so today,” she said after a while. “It is perfectly reasonable that a gentleman of his wealth and position would come to Town occasionally to shop and to tend to his business affairs.”

“Very true.”

“And it is not at all strange that I chanced to see him in Pall Mall. After all, London is a small world in many ways, especially when it comes to shopping.”

“It was not the surprise of seeing a familiar face in Pall Mall that unsettled your nerves,” Tobias said. “It was that spotting Pelling brought back memories of the incident that destroyed your career as a mesmerist.”

“In part.” But mostly it was because I sensed that I would have to confess it all to you, she added silently. That was why I had to stop for that cup of tea. That was why I was late. I did not want to face you with this tale.

But it was done. The truth had come out and Tobias did not hold it against her. Indeed, he painted her as something of a heroine in the drama. Astonishing.

“You have a new career now, Lavinia,” he said bracingly. “What happened in the past no longer matters.”

She relaxed a little more, savoring the heat of his body.

After a while he cradled her head in the crook of his arm and lowered his mouth to hers.

“It is a little chilly out here for this sort of thing,” she mumbled against his lips.

“I will warm you,” he promised.