Fall From India Place

CHAPTER 9

“When I’m with you it feels like everything’s going to be okay. I can’t explain it.”

I couldn’t get Marco’s voice out of my head, those words he’d said to me so long ago. They had meant so much to me then because I knew that he wasn’t the kind of guy who expressed his emotions well, and that day he’d let himself be vulnerable with me.

Despite everything that had happened, despite him leaving me and breaking my heart, I couldn’t stop those words from haunting me.

Standing alone on the small patio at the back of the house where I grew up, I stared at the ground and I fought with myself, calling myself foolish for dwelling on the sweet when it was the bitter that had done so much damage. But in a way, I guess, the bitter wouldn’t affect me so much if the sweet hadn’t been so damn sweet.

“Nanna.”

I glanced up at the now open French doors that led into my parents’ dining room to see Cole gazing at me in concern. The noise from the front of the house filtered toward me now that the door was open. Although Joss, Braden, Beth, and Luke weren’t with us because they had tickets to a children’s musical, the house was still crowded and loud. Liv and Nate had made it this time, along with Lily and January. Ellie and Adam were there too with William, and Jo, Cam, Cole, Dec, and Penny had joined us.

I smiled at Cole. Ever since Lily started calling me Nanna, Cole used it playfully. “What’s up?”

He stepped outside, closing the door.

I frowned at the thin T-shirt he wore. Although it exposed his artwork, it also exposed him to the spiky November cold. “Go back inside and put on a jacket.”

One corner of his mouth pulled up into an amused smirk. “I’m fine, Mum.”

“You’ll catch a cold.”

“I’m fine,” he insisted. “You? I’m thinking not so much.”

It was getting harder and harder to pretend with my friends and family that I wasn’t in a mood. I’d spent the last week completely discombobulated, living inside my own head. I didn’t know how I felt about Marco’s persistence and because no one else knew the whole story I didn’t even have anyone to turn to. And in the end that was my own fault.

“Hannah, seriously.” Cole’s smile slipped, a deep frown line appearing between his brows. “You’ve been quiet all week and you’re out here by yourself, looking like you have the weight of the entire world on your shoulders. I’m worried. Tell me what’s going on.”

I sighed, not wanting to piss him off with an obvious lie. “Do you remember Marco from the wedding?”

He nodded and waited for me to continue.

“I used to be in love with him.”

Cole’s eyebrows rose at that little bomb of information. “How did I not know this?”

“You and I weren’t as close back then. Jo, Ellie, Joss, and Liv know about him. We met when I was fourteen and by the time I was seventeen I was mad about him. He’s older, so we were just friends. Sometimes I tutored him. But I always wanted more. We kissed when I was seventeen” – I diluted the information – “and just when I thought maybe he felt the same way about me, he went back to America. The wedding reception was the first time I’ve seen him since then and… he told me he’s been back in Edinburgh for four years.”

My friend’s eyes glimmered with sympathy. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I wish I’d known. I would never have left you alone that night.”

“I needed to be alone,” I reassured him.

“His reappearance is obviously messing with your head.”

“No, actually he is.”

Cole’s face instantly darkened. “What does that mean?”

“It means he wants a chance to explain why he left the way he left, and he’s been turning up everywhere I go in an attempt to get me to listen.” I went on to tell him about the school, the gym, and the book club encounter.

His glower cleared. Now he just looked amused. “So, listen.”

I jerked back in anger. “No. He doesn’t deserve it.”

“Hannah, you were kids. If he’s taking the time to pursue you, then he clearly feels bad and wants a second chance.”

“He’s had that chance for the last four years.”

“Maybe he didn’t know what to say.”

“Whose side are you on?”

“Yours,” he said with a laugh. “But, Christ, you’re working yourself into knots over him when all it might take to give you a little closure is a better understanding of where his head was at. He’s offering you that chance.”

I gave him a low-lidded look of displeasure. “If I wanted a voice of reason I would have asked for it.”

Cole chuckled. “I’m just saying, unless there’s more to this than you’re telling me, I think he deserves a chance to explain.” Some dark suspicion suddenly entered his gaze. “There isn’t more to this, is there?”

I shook my head with faux calm. “No… but he is the reason I made a stupid decision back then. So… there’s that.”

Understanding settled over Cole’s features and he replied kindly, “You can’t hold your own actions against him.”

Feeling guilty for lying to Cole and angry at Marco and myself for the predicament I found myself in with my family, I nodded glumly. There was no way I’d get the right advice without my friends and family having the full story, and I had no intention of rewriting the history I had given them with the truth. “Let’s stop talking about me.” I waved the subject away. “How’s you? How’s Steph?”

He made a face. “Steph and I ended it last night.”

My lips parted in surprise. “And you’re only just telling me this?”

He shrugged. “There’s not much to tell. We were out after work last night and we bumped into some of my friends from school and she started a catfight with one of the girls.”

“Catfight?”

“Her jealousy is ridiculous. She has major trust issues. It was time to end it.”

“We all have issues, Cole. Relationships aren’t easy. Sometimes you have to work at it.”

“Agreed. But I didn’t want to work at it, so what does that tell you?”

“She’s not the one for you.”

“Exactly.” He turned and opened the door. “Now that we’ve beat our relationship issues out for the day, let’s get fed.”

“You’re sure you’re okay?” I asked, following him inside.

“I’m fine,” he promised. “I’m relieved, actually. Steph’s problems were exhausting.”

Although I wanted him to be happy and that was what mattered most, I couldn’t help but feel for Steph and sympathize with her. Cole’s words depressed me and I took them far more personally than he would ever have wanted me to. But the truth was, I was like Steph. I wasn’t insanely jealous, but my own insecurities came from a lack of trust in the opposite sex. It was crazy, I knew it was. I was surrounded by good men who didn’t stray from their wives, but what Marco had done to me and the consequences of that night had cut deep. It had left ugly scar tissue I’d been able to ignore until he was suddenly back in my life. Part of the reason I never bothered trying to find anything serious was because of that feeling Marco had left behind, but also because I suspected that most men would react to me and my issues like Cole had to Steph: with ambivalence and impatience. So what was the point in trying?

“Something’s going on,” Jo mused, staring at Liv and Nate across the table. She waved her fork at them. “What’s wrong with you?”

Cam snorted beside her. “Maybe that’s their business, sweetheart.”

“Well, it would be their business if they’d managed to pretend they weren’t fighting, but things are feeling a little icy,” Ellie added.

Liv rolled her eyes. “Nate’s being a tool.”

Nate didn’t lift his gaze from his plate as he ate. “Nate’s not doing anything,” he murmured back.

Nate was definitely doing something. He was barely talking to his wife, and anytime he was forced to, he wouldn’t look at her.

“Keep the domestics at home, people,” Cole pleaded.

“It’s not a domestic.” Liv made a face. “It’s an example of man’s inescapable immaturity.”

“Oh, do tell,” Ellie leaned in eagerly.

“I was clearing things out of the house and I specifically asked him to make a pile of things he didn’t want to give to charity and a pile of stuff he did want to give to charity. It is not my fault that he got the piles mixed up.”

“I did not.” He glared at her, finally looking away from his plate. “Why the hell would I give away every single one of my favorite T-shirts? Did you not think when you were looking through them that it was a bit strange they were all in there?”

She sniffed before responding. “I didn’t look through them. I just assumed you gave me the right pile and I put them in the charity bag and gave them to the lady who comes to collect the stuff.”

“Some of that shit was irreplaceable.”

Lily gave this cute little girlie gasp and Nate closed his eyes, wincing.

Liv scowled at him.

With a sigh, he turned in his seat to look over at Lily, who was sitting with Ellie at the kids’ table. “That’s a bad word, honey. Don’t use it. Daddy shouldn’t have and he’s sorry.”

Lily gave him this cute, serious nod of agreement. My God, was it possible to die from her adorableness?

Nate turned back to Liv. “Happy? Can we not discuss this in front of the kids?”

“Of course.” She shrugged nonchalantly, returning her gaze to her plate. “But I don’t know why you’re so upset. If you’d bothered to look in the bag I put at the side of the bed yesterday afternoon, you’d have seen I called the charity, explained the mistake, and went and collected your irreplaceable crap.” She glanced over at him. “I would like to remind you, though, that the only things in your life that are irreplaceable are sitting in this room with you.”

“Hear, hear,” Mum murmured.

Nate’s expression slackened with confusion. “You got it all back?”

“Of course I got it all back.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because now I have leverage against you anytime I screw up. I’ll just remind you of the past forty-eight hours where you acted like a petulant schoolboy because I accidentally gave your Borg T-shirt to charity.”

“It was the T-shirt I was wearing when we met,” he told her quietly.

Her eyes narrowed. “Oh, no, you’re not pulling semi-romantic excuses for your behavior out of your petushy to screw me out of leverage.”

“Leverage?” I asked. “Marriage is about leverage?”

“Yes.” Every single married person at the table answered.

I wrinkled my nose.

Ellie waved her fork at me. “When you screw up, and if you’re married you’re bound to screw up at some point, it’s good to have detailed notes of your partner’s screwups because that way you can remind them, and forgiveness for your screwup comes much more quickly. Peace reigns.”

“In this case,” Liv said, her eyes alight with triumph, “I screwed up a little but Nate screwed up more, so the next time I screw up, he’ll forgive me way faster.”

“It sounds… mature,” I answered sarcastically.

“What it lacks in sophistication it more than makes up for in effectiveness,” Adam attested.

“Married people are weird.” I turned to Cole. “Remind me never to do that.”

“To do that, you have to agree to go on a date with a man,” he reminded me instead.

I shot him a filthy look, but before I could say anything, Adam said, “Hannah, that reminds me, you didn’t tell me you knew Marco D’Alessandro.”

Jo tensed at the name, her eyes swinging to meet mine.

“What?” Adam asked softly, picking up on the sudden change in atmosphere between us.

I drew in a deep breath, unlocking my gaze from Jo’s and turning to Adam. “I didn’t realize you knew him.”

“He’s a joiner in one of our construction crews. The foreman, Tam, speaks highly of him and is absolutely convinced he’ll be foreman himself in a few years’ time. I don’t doubt it. He’s always on hand when Tam isn’t and knows almost everything that’s going on on-site. I’ve known him for a couple of years. He seems like a really good guy. Hardworking and responsible. He didn’t realize we were related. Your schoolteacher friend’s husband told him.”

“Oh,” was all I managed.

“Oh?” Adam’s eyebrows puckered. “From the way he spoke you two used to be close.”

I looked at Ellie, wondering if she’d known Adam was going to ambush me with this, but she looked just as surprised as I was. Not really wanting to discuss it in front of my parents, I shrugged. “We were really good friends in school.”

Adam still looked confused. “Isn’t he older than you?”

“A few years.”

“Well, he says he’s been trying to get in touch with you.”

Cole snorted at my side.

I ignored that, giving Adam another innocent shrug. “I got a couple of his messages.” A deeper snort from Cole. “But I’ve been really busy.”

“You didn’t tell me he was in touch,” Jo piped up, concern in her gorgeous green eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Who is this boy, Hannah?” Mum quizzed suddenly.

“How long has he been back?” Jo asked.

“He couldn’t have been a boyfriend.” Mum shook her head at the idea. “Because you would have told me, right?”

Jo leaned toward me. “When did you meet? Did he explain anything?”

“Where’s he from? Where did he go? I’m so confused. Is —”

“Hannah, will you help me with dessert, sweetheart?” Dad asked loudly, standing up.

I pushed back from the table, throwing my dad a grateful smile. “Of course.” I hurried out of the room, happy to escape the questions as I followed him into the kitchen. “You’re a lifesaver.”

Dad gave me a soft smile and began pulling bowls out of the cupboard. “No problem.”

We were silent as we dished out the trifle.

And then… “Hannah.” Dad stopped what he was doing, staring at the table, his body tense. “This Marco… he isn’t…?”

I swallowed, my heart beating hard against my chest. “Dad.” I didn’t want to lie. Not to him.

He glanced at me sharply, anger in his eyes. “Does he know?”

I shook my head.

“Why is he back?”

“He wants a chance to explain why he left so abruptly. After… he went back to America before it…”

Dad exhaled, the anger melting. “How long has he been trying to get back in touch?”

“We met at a wedding a few weeks ago. He’s been persistent ever since.”

“Before… what kind of man did you take him for? Was he kind to you?”

For some reason the question opened a flood of emotion in me, my throat constricting, my nose and eyes stinging with tears. “Yes. He was very kind to me. We met because he was protecting me from this really horrible boy that was bullying me. Anytime I missed the bus Marco would walk me home, make sure I got there safely.”

God, I’d loved him so much. Maybe the foolish, naïve kind of love, but I’d felt it deeply nonetheless.

Dad slid his hand across the table, covering mine in comfort. I looked up into his eyes. “Maybe he deserves a chance to explain, then.”

I was surprised. “I thought you’d be angry at him.”

“I’m still angry at his choices, but I can’t be angry at him for what happened afterward. He didn’t know what you went through, Hannah. If he explains and it’s a terrible explanation, we can go back to being mad at him. But maybe he’s got a reasonable explanation for leaving you.”

“I don’t know how you can be so rational.”

“Well,” Dad said with a sigh, “I didn’t know him, so I don’t understand everything that happened. What I do know is that I have a strong daughter who’s rarely fazed by anything. If this man knocks you off balance a bit, then maybe there’s something to that. When I met your mum I was knocked on my arse.”

I laughed gently and nudged him with my shoulder. “All these happily married couples are making you soft, Dad.”

“Nah, that’s just old age,” he joked, and grabbed a couple of bowls to take through to the dining room.

“Dad.” I stopped him from leaving. “Don’t tell anyone. No one else knows.”

Dad nodded slowly. “Okay, I won’t. But I want you to ask yourself why you’re protecting him if you don’t care about him?”

More confused than ever, I watched my dad walk out of the kitchen, pondering his question. No answer came. With shaking hands I picked up a couple of bowls and ventured back into the dining room, glad when I got there that Marco was no longer the topic of conversation.