Finding Chrissten

Chapter Five

Chrissten was tired of being in bed. It had been three days since she’d shared that memorable kiss with Hank and she hadn’t been alone for one second of that time. Not that she was complaining. She was coming to know and like all the members of the Haven pack. But she freely admitted that some of the males made her nervous.

She was fine with Quinn and Craig, of course. They were her brothers and she loved and trusted them both. She’d been shocked and a little jealous to discover Bethany and her brother were mated.

What must it be like to be with a male of your choosing, someone you loved and respected? Not with someone who treated you like nothing more than a body to be used at their convenience. Chrissten wasn’t sure she’d ever find out. Her mistrust of werewolf males was ingrained deeply within her after her ordeal but she was working to get past it.

She liked Meredith. It was impossible not to. She was both beautiful and gracious, not to mention strong-willed. Chrissten admired Meredith’s poise and self-confidence. The older woman was currently seated in a comfortable brown leather chair that had been moved into the room a few days ago.

“It’s not your fault, you know.” Meredith sipped her cup of coffee. She had a plate with a club sandwich and home fries balanced on her lap. Teague had made them lunch. Chrissten had quickly realized he was the male in charge of the kitchen. She liked the fact the women weren’t expected to handle that chore simple because of their gender.

He’d served her a rich chicken noodle soup with several slabs of fresh whole wheat bread. For dessert he’d sent along a hunk of chocolate cake. Teague did know the way to a woman’s heart. But that male had a woman. He and Neema were very much in love, which made it easier for her to be around him.

There seemed to be love all around them. While it was wonderful to see, it was also a sharp reminder of what she didn’t have in her own life. Meredith’s mate was intimidating as hell. Isaiah Striker frightened her with his intensity and the sense that he was barely keeping his animalistic side in check. He reminded her too much of Brian.

But his saving grace was his love for his mate. It was evident with every action he took, every word he spoke, that the safety and happiness of Meredith and the rest of them were his priority.

“Chrissten?”

She realized she’d been ignoring, Meredith. “Sorry.” She spooned up some of the soup and let the flavor explode on her tongue. “This is good.”

“Yes, it is,” Meredith, agreed. “And you’re ignoring what I said to you.”

Chrissten set her spoon down on the tray in her lap. “No, I’m not ignoring it. I’m just trying to avoid thinking about it for a bit longer.” She and Meredith had talked several times over the past few days. The alpha female was a font of information and comfort. Chrissten had quickly gotten the impression that Meredith mothered everyone in her pack and had extended that to include Quinn, Craig and her.

“Oh, honey.” Meredith leaned forward and placed her hand on Chrissten’s arm. “I understand. Truly I do. My first mate caught me away from the pack when I went into heat. I fought him but eventually gave in. I know how powerful the biology is.”

“I didn’t give in. Not at first. I fought until I was bloody and beaten. But when—” Chrissten took a deep breath, fighting past the tightness in her chest. God, she hated to think about it, let alone talk about it with someone. But Meredith was not only a good listener, she was also a female werewolf. If anyone would understand, she would. “But when he finally came inside me it felt good.” That shamed her more than anything else to say the words out loud. That she’d found some pleasure in the act.

“Chrissten, look at me.” She raised her gaze to meet Meredith’s fierce one. “There was nothing you could have done to avoid what happened to you. It’s biology plain and simple. You were held captive, you were in heat and there was a male werewolf pressuring you to mate. That first time is like no other. Believe me, I know. Your wolf wants out and will do anything to accomplish that.”

“The bitch,” Chrissten quipped, surprising a laugh from Meredith.

“In some ways.” She sat back, took a bite of her sandwich and chewed thoughtfully. “Having intercourse with a male is designed to alleviate the mating heat. That in and of itself would have brought you a measure of pleasure and relief. But you’re more than your wolf side, more than your instincts. We have a human form too. That side of your personality would be even stronger in a half-breed like you. That’s the part of you currently battling with this sense of shame.”

“You didn’t feel that way when your first mate took you.”

Meredith shook her head. “I was more angry with what he’d done. But I also hadn’t been held captive, experimented on or beaten to within an inch of my life. I’d been raised to expect to mate with a male when I came of age, but I’d expected to have my choice of eligible males from my pack.”

Chrissten couldn’t imagine being raised to expect to mate with a guy just because your body’s biology dictated it was time. Yet, it had happened to her. But she hadn’t had any choice in the matter. It had been forced upon her.

“Rest, eat and get stronger. No one expects you to recover from such a long ordeal overnight. You have to give yourself a break.”

Chrissten knew Meredith was right, but it was hard not to fall into dark thoughts, especially because Hank hadn’t been around for the past few days. Get real, she scolded herself. Why should he want to be around her? She was mated to another werewolf. Their tender moment together was nothing more than an aberration brought on by proximity and his kindness. That made her wince. She wasn’t anyone’s charity case. She didn’t need a pity kiss.

Right on cue, her lips began to tingle.

“I want to thank all of you for looking out for me, but you don’t need to spend all your time here. I sleep alone at night and I’m fine.”

Meredith set her plate on the nightstand and took a sip of her coffee. The scent of the rich brew mixed with the richness of the chocolate and made Chrissten’s mouth water. She couldn’t wait to try the cake.

“You haven’t been alone. Hank’s slept in here every night.”

She’d scented him, of course, but she’d written it off to the fact she was in his room and his bed. “Why haven’t I seen him?”

Meredith frowned. “I don’t know, but I know he’s been here. If not in the room with you than just outside the door.

Like a sentinel watching over her. Her heart swelled at the thought, but she beat back those sentimental feelings. He was doing the same thing the rest of them were. No more, no less. Of course, none of the rest of the males had kissed her.

“If you’re uncomfortable with Hank I can get someone else to sleep here at night.”

“No. No, that’s fine.” She wanted him near her. God, she was losing it. Meredith watched her closely and Chrissten didn’t want the other woman to guess at the attraction she felt for Hank. “I think I’ll take a shower after I have my cake. I want to get out of bed and wear real clothes.” She’d been wearing nightgowns for several days. Before that it had been the loose cotton clothing her captors gave her to wear. She wanted to feel normal again.

Meredith’s eyes twinkled. “I think that can be arranged. I know for a fact that your brothers have a surprise for you today. One I think you’ll like.”

“What is it?” A sense of anticipation raced through her.

“You’ll see,” Meredith teased. “You’ll see.”

Two hours later, Chrissten studied her reflection in the bathroom mirror and contemplated the woman staring back at her. It was like looking at a complete stranger. Her hair was still long and fell straight down her back to her waist, her eyes were still light blue, but there was a guardedness, a knowledge in them that hadn’t been there before. She was thinner than she’d been. Much thinner. Not surprising considering everything she’d been through.

A feeling of dread sat on her shoulders, weighing her down. In her heart, she knew Brian would come for her. It was only a matter of time.

“Shake it off,” she muttered. She was free, her belly was full of good food and she’d just spent an uninterrupted half hour soaking in a hot tub of water, a luxury she’d been afraid she’d never experience again. For the moment, at least, her life was her own.

Her job was to get strong so she’d be ready to fight. She had to be ready to protect herself, her brothers and the people who’d taken her into their home.

A light knock on the door jerked her out of her thoughts. She spun around. Her back hit the wall and her heart began to pound. A second later disgust filled her. Brian wouldn’t bother to knock. She had to get a grip on herself.

The knock came again, “Chris, you okay in there?”

Quinn. She should have known her twin wouldn’t leave her alone for long. “Just a second.” Chrissten grabbed the long, white terry robe Meredith had loaned her and wrapped it around herself, making sure to tighten the belt. She really needed to get some clothing of her own.

She took one final moment to straighten her bath towel over the rod, using the normal, everyday chore to give her time to compose herself. Her brother was no fool. He’d noticed immediately if he thought she was upset about anything.

She took a fortifying breath, opened the door and stepped into the bedroom. Quinn and Craig were both waiting for her. Quinn was standing in front of the window, staring out at the city, while Craig was perched on the chair Meredith had inhabited earlier. He was leaning forward, his left leg jostling up and down.

Both of their heads swung in her direction as she exited the bathroom. “Hey.” It was ridiculous to feel self-conscious around her brothers, but she did. So much had changed in the months she’d been away. She’d changed. They’d changed. None of them were the same people they’d been before this had happened.

“How are you feeling?” Craig popped up out of the chair and came to her. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight. She was an inch taller than him, but he’d filled out a lot in the time she was away. He felt more like a man and less like the little brother she’d left behind.

She’d missed so much of his life. A lump caught in her throat and she struggled to swallow it back. She wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t. It was weak and changed nothing. She needed to be strong. For all of their sakes.

“I’m okay.” What else was there to say? She couldn’t tell them she felt like a stranger to herself, how odd and almost frightening it was to be able to move around and do whatever she wanted after a year and a half of having her every move dictated by others. How she didn’t feel safe even now.

She moved out of Craig’s embrace and sat on the edge of the bed. She still tired easily and would rather sit than stand.

Quinn’s eyes narrowed and his brow furrowed. She knew he’d caught the slight trembling in her legs but said nothing. She glanced away from his all too perceptive gaze and focused on Craig who settled on the bed beside her. “How are you doing? Any news?” She knew both of them had been working with the rest of the pack and a vampire, no less, to try to find Brian and the rest of his pack.

It hadn’t surprised her to discover Brian was part of a larger group of males who wanted mates. She’d scented another werewolf on several occasions during her captivity, but he’d been kept away from the lab where she was held.

What had surprised her was how willing Meredith and her pack were to help her. She was a stranger to them, yet they’d opened their home and offered her their protection. They’d helped to rescue her, they’d fed and watched over her, and now they were trying to help her brothers find the rest of the males responsible for her captivity. Their generosity was overwhelming.

Craig shook his head. “Nothing new. I’m still looking. And so is Damek.”

Quinn growled low in his chest. Craig simply smiled and shook his head. “I don’t know why you dislike Damek so. I find him fascinating.”

“He’s dangerous.” Quinn paced away from the window and flung himself down in the chair, extending his long legs in front of him.

“Of course he’s dangerous,” Craig agreed. “But so are you and I like you.”

Chrissten smiled in spite of herself. She’d missed this. Missed the banter between her brothers. At least this hadn’t changed.

“Yes, but I don’t want to have you for a snack,” Quinn pointed out.

Chrissten’s palms went damp and she grabbed Craig’s hand. “Is he that dangerous?” She’d never met Damek, but she’d heard the others talking about him in hushed tones.

Craig shrugged, looking totally unconcerned. God, he should be in college somewhere worrying about classes and girls, not trying to discover where to find dangerous werewolves and putting himself at risk by working with a vampire.

“He’s very powerful, no doubt about that.” Craig pushed his glasses higher up on the bridge of his nose. “You can sense it the moment he walks into a room. None of the others have any idea exactly how old he is, but he’s been around a long, long time. He wouldn’t hurt me. I trust him.”

Her brother was obviously fascinated with Damek. Chrissten could hear it in his voice. And when Craig set his mind on something there was no way to dissuade him. He could teach stubborn to a mule. She glanced at Quinn and they shared a look, a moment, a pledge to protect their younger brother at all costs.

A warm feeling flooded through her. Oh, she’d missed this sense of connection, of belonging that she had with her brother, her twin.

“Enough about Damek. You’ll meet him soon.” Craig slung his arm over her shoulders and gave her a quick squeeze. “We’ve brought you something.”

“Really? What?” Craig’s obvious excitement was contagious.

Quinn walked over by the door and she noticed the two boxes sitting there. They were plain brown packing boxes with no markings on the outside. Her twin grabbed one and brought it over, setting it on the floor in front of her.

“Thought you might like some of your own things.” His voice was gruff with emotion and his eyes were moist with unshed tears. She couldn’t speak. She was afraid if she tried to say anything she’d burst into tears.

Chrissten nodded and tugged open the flaps of the box. The scent of vanilla, her favorite lotion, wafted up at her. She bit on her bottom lip to keep from crying as she folded back the cardboard to reveal the clothing neatly folded inside. Her clothes. They’d brought her belongings to her.

She reached in and pulled out a cotton sweater. It was the same color blue as her eyes. It was soft and long, hitting the tops of her thighs. She loved this sweater. She buried her face against the material and sobbed in spite of her resolve not to break down.

The mattress sank on her right side. Quinn wrapped his arm around her. On her left, Craig did the same. She was surrounded by their love, their caring.

“Everything is going to be all right.” Quinn whispered his promise in her ear. She shook her head, not truly believing him. How could it be? She was mated to a monster. One that wouldn’t stop until one of them was dead.

“We didn’t mean to make you sad.” She could hear the worry, the sorrow in Craig’s voice and forced herself to raise her head. She dropped the sweater back on top of the box and scrubbed her hands over her cheeks.

She felt like an ungrateful wretch. “No. No. I appreciate you bringing me my clothes. I was just saying to Meredith earlier how I was sick of wearing nightgowns and I wanted to wear real clothing. I just never expected it to be my own.”

“We’ve both moved around a lot this past year and a half.” Craig glanced at Quinn, who looked away. “I packed up our old apartment and put everything I didn’t sell into storage.”

Her hands shook. Indeed, her entire body was trembling. They’d kept her things—her books, her clothes, her small treasures.

Craig got up and went over to the door. He lifted the other box and brought it back to the bed. He opened the flaps and dug inside. A second later he withdrew a slightly bedraggled panda bear. A child’s toy. Hers.

“Manda,” she cried. “I can’t believe you kept her.” She took the small bear that had been her favorite toy as a child and held it to her heart.

“You were missing. Not dead.” Quinn’s voice had a hard edge. “Why wouldn’t we have kept your things?”

She’d hurt him again without meaning to. “I’m sorry.” She put her hand on his arm and felt the hard, bunched muscles beneath. “I wouldn’t have blamed you for giving up, for assuming I was dead, for losing hope.” She sat the small stuffed toy in her lap. It was a reminder of much happier, more innocent times. “I lost hope.”

The sound that was pulled from deep within Quinn was one of pain. She hadn’t meant to hurt him like that. She started to pull her hand away, but he clamped his own over it.

“Don’t you dare apologize. Not ever.” His blue eyes were blazing with anger, with determination. “You stayed alive. That’s more than many would have done.”

He stood abruptly and she felt the loss. “I let you down. I should have protected you better.” He looked so alone standing there with his shoulders squared and his arms crossed over his chest.

“No.” She stood, and the small bear fell to the floor, forgotten in the face of her brother’s pain. “No, you did everything you could. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. Nothing any of us could have done.” As she said the words she actually started to believe them. “If anyone is to blame for what happened it’s me. I’m the one who didn’t pay enough attention to my surroundings. I knew better than to let my guard down in our neighborhood.”

Quinn took too much on himself. Always had. No way was she letting her brother feel guilty. “You did everything you could to keep me safe, to keep us safe.” She glanced at Craig who was silently watching them both. “You gave up your life to find me. Both of you did.”

“You’re our sister.” Craig’s simple words almost broke her heart. For them it was as simple as that. They thought nothing of their sacrifice. To her it was everything.

“I know.” She gave them the truth, what they all needed to hear. “I knew you’d look for me. It was the only thing that gave me any kind of hope, a reason to keep on living.”

Quinn rubbed his hand over his head and let it fall to the back of his neck. He released a tired sigh. “We’ll get past this.”

She wished she shared his optimism, but couldn’t manage to scrape any together. Not now. She forced a smile. “We will.” One way or the other they would get past this. Chrissten only hoped she’d still be alive when the dust finally settled. Only when Brian was dead would she truly be free.

“Now—” she kept her tone brisk, “—I’ve got some clothing to unpack.”

Craig picked up Manda from the floor and put the stuffed bear on the bed before he came to Chrissten and kissed her cheek. “Do you need any help? I’ve got a few things I need to check on.” What went unsaid was that those things were related to the search for her remaining abductors.

She shook her head. “No, you go on. I can handle this.” She hugged him hard. “Thank you.”

He kissed her temple. “It’s good to have you back.” He left without a backward glance leaving her alone with her twin.

“It’s not your fault,” she told him again.

“Maybe.”

He could be infuriating at times, but she understood where he was coming from. She’d have felt the same way if their positions were reversed.

“Listen, I’ve got some more news to share. I was hoping to wait until you’d had more time to recover, but it can’t wait any longer.”

Sweat beaded on her forehead and she slowly sat down on the bed. From the grim expression on Quinn’s face this wasn’t going to be good. “What? What is it?”

“I found our father.”

Of all the things he could have said, this would have been the last thing she would have expected. She knew her mouth was hanging open but couldn’t seem to close it.

He shoved aside one of the boxes and crouched in front of her, taking her cold hands in his much warmer ones.

“How?” One word was as much as she could manage.

“It was when I was with one of the bounty hunter groups. They went to attack a pack, Isaiah’s original pack. I shot the leader of the bounty hunters in order to save one of the wolves. Frankly, I was surprised as hell they didn’t just kill me on the spot. But the alpha let me speak. That’s when I saw him. Jesus, Chris, he looks just like me except for the hair color.”

Chrissten was shocked to her core. Quinn’s talk about killing was a sharp reminder of everything he’d done in order to find her. He’d lived with paranormal bounty hunters, men who wouldn’t have hesitated to kill him if they’d discovered his secret.

Quinn’s eyes narrowed. “He admitted he knew our mother but insisted he didn’t know she was pregnant.”

“Wow.” Chrissten was finding it hard to string a complete sentence together. She’d never expected they’d ever meet their biological father. “What’s his name? What’s he like?”

Her brother released her hands and sat on the floor at her feet. “His name is Donovan Brody, and I honestly don’t know what he’s like. I didn’t spend much time with him. All I wanted to do was get to Chicago and start looking for you. When they found out you were missing they offered to help.”

“Because I’m an unmated female?” Chrissten had learned a lot these past months. And one of those lessons was that there were a lot of unmated males who wouldn’t care if she was a half-breed or not. All they wanted was a mate.

“No. Maybe. I’m not sure.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “Mostly because you were a female who was abducted from her family. Isaiah’s former alpha is a good guy. His daughter is a half-breed. Maybe that’s why they were all so keen to help.”

It was a lot for her to take in on top of everything else.

“He’s coming here, to Chicago.”

“When?” Chrissten wasn’t sure she was ready to meet her long-lost father.

“A day, maybe two. I’m not exactly sure. When Isaiah called them to let them know we’d found you, he said he was coming as soon as he could.”

“How do you feel about this?”

“Fuck, Chrissten, I don’t need a daddy at this point in my life.” Bitterness coated his words. Their childhood had been rough in many ways. They’d always known they were different. It had isolated them from others, made them feel alone. They’d had to keep on the move to stay safe. Their mother had worked hard to help them. She’d been mother and father to all her children.

Chrissten didn’t know how she felt about meeting him.

He took her hands in his again. “Don’t worry. You’re not alone. You’re not expected to feel anything for him. He’s a sperm donor, nothing more at this point.”

Quinn was right. “Is he coming alone?”

“I’m not sure. One of Isaiah’s brothers might come with him.”

It boggled Chrissten’s brain to even imagine such a thing. “How many brothers does he have?” Isaiah was intimidating enough on his own. She’d been too busy recovering from her ordeal to wonder about more than the pack here at Haven.

Quinn laughed. “There are four of them. Joshua, Micah and Levi, who are twins, and Simon. All pureblood and all pretty impressive.”

Chrissten tilted her head to one side. “You like them.” She could hear it in his voice.

He nodded. “Yeah, I do. They’re blunt as hell, but you know where you stand with them.” Quinn pushed up off the floor. “You sort through your clothes and get dressed. I’ll send Bethany up to help you and stay with you. When you’re ready, come on downstairs to the club. I think you’ll like it.”

“I will.” Right now all she wanted was a few minutes alone to assimilate everything she’d just learned. She had a father, a pureblooded werewolf, a man she’d never expected to meet, and he was coming to see her. And that was on top of her crazed mate who was still searching for her.

Quinn dropped a kiss on the top of her head and left her sitting alone on the bed.

She sat there for a minute, her thoughts spinning. “Shake it off,” she ordered herself. “There’s nothing you can do about any of it right this minute.”

She had her own clothing and belongings. She was going to get dressed and go downstairs for the first time since she’d arrived. Chrissten was suddenly excited about the prospect.

She heard someone enter the apartment and glanced toward the bedroom door expecting Bethany. The footsteps were too heavy, too male. She dropped the handful of clothing she’d gathered back in the box.

Chrissten knew who it was before he made it to the door. Her heart pounding, she waited for Hank to enter.