Firelight

28

I bite back my cry, cut it short before it can wake Mrs. Hennessey and bring her running.

“Hello, Jacinda.”

Dread strikes deep in the well of my heart at that voice. I knew this moment would eventually arrive, but that didn’t make me ready. He promised five weeks, after all. I swallow hard, knowing that persuading him to leave a second time will be harder.

My lungs smolder. My windpipe widens, swells with heat, ready to defend myself. The fire inside me intensifies when I think about the wing clipping that awaits me…that he wants to take me back to endure. “Get out,” I rasp.

His eyes flare wide, the pupils thinning to vertical slits. “Your mother told you,” he states flatly.

“Yeah,” I snap. “She told me.”

“She doesn’t know everything. She doesn’t know me…or how I feel. I would never force you to do anything against your will, and I would never, ever let anyone harm you.”

His words enrage me. Lies, I’m convinced. My hand shoots out, ready to slap that earnest look off his face. The same earnest look he’d given me the first time he lied to my face.

He catches my hand, squeezes the wrist tight. “Jacinda—”

“I don’t believe you. You gave me your word. Five weeks—”

“Five weeks was too long. I couldn’t leave you for that long without checking on you.”

“Because you’re a liar,” I assert.

His expression cracks. Emotion bleeds through. He knows I’m not talking about just the five weeks. With a shake of his head, he sounds almost sorry as he admits, “Maybe I didn’t tell you everything, but it doesn’t change anything I said. I will never hurt you. I want to try to protect you.”

“Try,” I repeat.

His jaw clenches. “I can. I can stop them.”

After several moments, I twist my hand free. He lets me go. Rubbing my wrist, I glare at him. “I have a life here now.” My fingers stretch, curl into talons at my sides, still hungry to fight him. “Make me go, and I’ll never forgive you.”

He inhales deeply, his broad chest lifting high. “Well. I can’t have that.”

“Then you’ll go? Leave me alone?” Hope stirs.

He shakes his head. “I didn’t say that.”

“Of course not,” I sneer. “What do you mean then?” Panic washes over me at the thought of him staying here and learning about Will and his family. “There’s no reason for you to stay.”

His dark eyes glint. “There’s you. I can give you more time. You can’t seriously fit in here. You’ll come around.”

“I won’t!”

His voice cracks like thunder on the air. “I won’t leave you! Do you know how unbearable it’s been without you? You’re not like the rest of them.” His hand swipes through air almost savagely. I stare at him, my eyes wide and aching. “You’re not some well-trained puppy content to go along with what you’re told. You have fire.” He laughs brokenly. “I don’t mean literally, although there is that. There’s something in you, Jacinda. You’re the only thing real for me there, the only thing remotely interesting.” He stares at me starkly and I don’t breathe. He looks ready to reach out and fold me into his arms.

I jump hastily back. Unbelievably, he looks hurt. Dropping his immense hands, he speaks again, evenly, calmly. “I’ll give you more space. Time for you to realize that this”—he motions to the living room—“isn’t for you. You need mists and mountains and sky. Flight. How can you stay here where you have none of that? How can you hope to survive? If you haven’t figured that out yet, you will.”

In my mind, I see Will. Think how he has become the mist, the sky, everything, to me. I do more than survive here. I love. But Cassian can never know that.

“What I have here beats what waits for me back home. The wing clipping you so conveniently failed to mention—”

“Is not going to happen, Jacinda.” He steps closer. His head dips to look into my eyes. “You have my word. If you return with me, you won’t be harmed. I’d die first.”

His words flow through me like a chill wind. “But your father—”

“My father won’t be our alpha forever. Someday, I’ll lead. Everyone knows it. The pride will listen to me. I promise you’ll be safe.”

Can I trust him again? Even after all he said? If I do and I’m wrong, the cost is too high. My life. “You’ll wait for me to agree to go back with you?” I want to be clear on this point. “You won’t force me in any way? Or reveal yourself to anyone, no matter what?”

“I’ll wait,” he promises. “However long you need.”

He’ll wait. But he’ll be lurking about. Nearby. Watching. And I won’t always know it.

Funny how things change. In the beginning, I thought I could never stay here. Now I don’t want to leave. Mostly because of Will, but also because I’ve decided to give Mom and Tamra what they want. A chance. It can’t be all about me. If I’m strong enough, smart enough, my draki can make it. And of course, Will can help with that. A few kisses. A smile. A brush of his hand and my draki is revived. And I no longer have to hide it from him.

I can last through high school. For Mom, for Tamra. After graduation, I can go with Will when he cuts free from his family. Just two more years. We’ll figure out the specifics. The how and where. For the first time since coming here, I feel the stirrings of hope. I won’t let Cassian ruin that.

“You’re going to wait forever,” I vow. “I won’t change my mind.”

Cassian’s mouth curves enigmatically. Like he knows something I don’t. He’s eighteen, but in that moment I can believe he has several more years than that on me. “Things change all the time. People change. I’ll take my chances.”

I shake my head. “You’ll see. I won’t change my mind.”

And then he’ll go. Because he can’t wait forever. No matter what he says. He’s got a pride to lead. He’s not going to hang around here for two years. No matter how interesting I am to him.

“We’ll see.”

I glance at the blinking clock on top of the TV. “You better go before my mom gets home.”

“Right.” He moves to the door. “Bye, Jacinda.”

I don’t return the farewell. Don’t want to pretend we’ve reached a level where niceties exist between us.

We’re not friends. Not even close. And we never will be.