For The Sake Of His Child

CHAPTER TWELVE

CARSON frowned as if he couldn’t comprehend her meaning.

‘What do you mean?’ he asked. ‘This is a beginning for us. You can’t leave me now.’ His voice was arrogant with possessiveness. ‘I won’t allow it.’

She rested her face against him, willing the world to vanish. If only he could order this as he ordered so many things.

‘Don’t you realise that it’s gone beyond that?’ she asked huskily. ‘It’s out of our hands. Oh, darling, I wish I could see some hope for us, but I can’t.’

He stared at her in disbelief. ‘You can’t mean that,’ he said at last. ‘Forget what Brenda said about still being married to me-’

‘It’s not Brenda, it’s Joey. He wants his family back, and he thinks he has it. Haven’t you seen how happy he is?’

‘He’s in a fool’s paradise. Gina, don’t talk like this. Don’t make us all suffer because that woman has taken you in.’

‘She hasn’t taken me in,’ she answered in a shaking voice. ‘I see exactly what she is. But I also saw Joey’s face when she appeared.

‘When my mother died, for months afterwards I told myself that she hadn’t really gone for good, that one day she’d forgive me for being “a bad girl”, and come home. I pictured it again and again, how the door would open, and there she’d be. And I’d run to her, and she’d hold me. She was dead, but that didn’t stop me imagining it.

‘And today it was there in Joey’s eyes, everything I’d been thinking and feeling. His dream came true.’

‘But it’s only a few days ago that he was talking of you as his mother.’

‘Only as a substitute. Now he’s got the real thing, and for the first time he’s completely happy. I won’t be the one to take that happiness away from him.’

‘No, Brenda will do that.’

‘Then he’ll have you to make it up to him. You’ll have to stick close by them both, make her behave herself, help him when she doesn’t.’

He tore his hair. ‘This will all be over in a few days. She’ll rush back to Los Angeles-’

‘I don’t think we can count on that. She’s going through a rough patch. She lost that TV show. Darling, however long it takes, let Joey enjoy his happiness while he can. You can help now. You two have found each other.’

‘Only because of you.’

‘Yes, maybe because of me. I’d like to think so. You’ll both be all right now.’

‘Will we?’ he said bitterly. ‘Do you think I can love you as deeply as I do, and be all right without you? My God, I knew you didn’t love me as I love you, but I expected more than that!’

‘You love me?’ she whispered. ‘And you think-you actually think-that I don’t love you?’

‘It was all for Joey, wasn’t it? And because you want to put right the wrongs of your own childhood. You would have married me for Joey’s sake, and now you’re leaving me for Joey’s sake.’

‘But-’ she searched his face, hardly able to believe what she’d just heard ‘-of course it wasn’t just for Joey’s sake. How could you believe that?’

‘Because you took so long to say you’d marry me. You only agreed when he had that nightmare. I knew what to read into that.’

‘Then you got it wrong. And tonight? What do you read in my being here, in your bed? Why do you think I made love with you, knowing that we’ve got to part?’

‘I don’t know,’ he said sombrely. ‘I’m confused. You came to me like a woman who loved me, and you gave everything. That’s something I’m not used to. It’s overwhelming. I know what I want to believe, but-’ he searched her face with desperate anxiety ‘-I’m in your hands.’

Her mind was whirling. She could hardly take this in.

‘I love you, Carson,’ she said passionately. ‘If you only knew how much I love you! But I thought she was still between us, that she’d left you empty and unable to love. I thought you wanted a mother for Joey and there was nothing in your heart for me but a little affection.’

‘A little affection? My darling, if I could only tell you- Gina? What is it?’

She was rocking back and forth, her arms clasped about herself, laughing and crying together.

‘What is it?’ he asked again, alarmed by the wild note in her voice.

‘I don’t believe this,’ she wept. ‘How can we have found out now, when it’s too late?’

With a groan he pulled her against him, burying his face in her hair.

‘It mustn’t be too late. You’re my love, my only love. After this there can’t ever be anyone else for me.’

‘Truly?’ she whispered, joyful in the midst of her anguish.

‘With all the truth of my heart, I swear it.’

‘But those things you said about what we had in common-you practically told me once that you only wanted a sensible marriage-’

‘Maybe I thought I meant it, but I know better now. If we were just being sensible, my heart wouldn’t be breaking at the thought of losing you. Dear God, this can’t be happening! We can’t have found each other, only to lose each other in the same moment.’

‘But we can,’ she said despairingly. ‘Oh, my dearest, kiss me; kiss me again and again. If it’s all we have-’

‘It mustn’t be. I won’t let you go. Do you hear me? I won’t let it happen.’

It would be so easy to yield to his insistence, and the temptation tortured her. It was unfair, she thought rebelliously, that the onus must be on her. But Joey’s face was before her, and she hardened herself to do what must be done.

‘For the moment, at least, you must give me up,’ she said. ‘You can’t send Brenda away. It will break Joey’s heart.’

‘But we both know that her games won’t last. She’ll tire of it-’

‘She’ll go on as long as it’s useful to her. Maybe long enough for Joey to grow older and cope better. Don’t force the truth on him, Carson. He couldn’t stand it.’

‘Isn’t it better for him to accept it now?’

She couldn’t bear any more. Driven to desperation, she faced him with the situation in the bluntest, cruellest terms she knew.

‘All right,’ she said. ‘Maybe he should be told that the mother he thought loved him is using him heartlessly, that his happy dream is over, and he’s actually as rejected and abandoned as he feared. Will you tell him that, my darling? Or shall I?’

He seemed to grow older before her eyes as the inevitability of what she was saying sank in.

‘You’re right,’ he whispered in horror. ‘We can’t do that to him. However much we reason around it, when it comes to the point-we can’t.’

They looked at each other. There was nothing more to say.

Slowly he put his arms about her, drawing her close against him, not making love to her now, but needing to feel her warmth. They lay holding onto each other as the night passed and the first light of dawn crept in.

Gina watched it with bleak eyes. She’d told herself that in marrying Carson she was accepting second best, that the most she could hope for was a sedate, pedestrian love. Now she knew the glorious truth-that it was she and she alone whom he loved. She had his whole heart, his passion, his trust, his soul. She had everything she wanted.

And it was all too late.

As the light grew she asked herself whether it would have been better never to have loved him than to have known this pain. But her heart knew the answer. She’d had her moment of glory, and, however long it must last her, it would be enough to live on.

At last Carson said, ‘I won’t believe that this is the end. Some day we’ll find each other again and, when we do, I won’t have changed.’

‘And nor will I. However far away that is, I’ll still love you, just as I do now. Hold me. Hold me!’

She buried her face against him, her shoulders shaking. And he held her in silence.

Angelica confronted Gina in the kitchen while she was making coffee.

‘Now I know who you are,’ she said belligerently. ‘It was you on the phone that time. I didn’t recognise your voice at first. So you’ve been here ever since, worming your way in.’

‘I was here to help Joey.’

‘Nice try. You took a look around you and thought you’d get your hands on the goodies. I don’t suppose a speech therapist, or whatever you are, earns very much.’

‘I’m a lawyer.’

‘Oh, a lawyer. But you just happen to have spent the last few weeks being a drudge in this place, and you expect me to think you’re not on the make?’

‘You can think what you like,’ Gina said quietly.

‘Oh, I’ll do that. I know your sort. Thought it would be easy to take over another woman’s home and husband. Well, think again, lady. I’m back to stay.’

Gina faced her. ‘As long as you make Joey happy, that’s fine.’

‘Don’t you lecture me about my son,’ Angelica said viciously. ‘I want you out of here, fast.’

‘Don’t worry. I’m going. But I’d like to talk to you about Joey first. There are things you need to know about his development.’

‘Like what? He can hear, can’t he?’

‘In a way, but-’

‘Well, you wouldn’t know it. I can’t understand a word that kid says. As for those signs-’

‘You can learn them. Mr Page did.’ Gina added bleakly, ‘I’m sure he’ll teach you.’

‘But why should I have to learn them? I thought once he had that thing he’d be all right. But he’s just like before. I suppose that’s your doing.’

Gina looked at her sharply. ‘What do you mean by that?’

‘Oh, come on! That’s how you got your feet under the table, isn’t it? Poor little kid-needs you. You weren’t going to let him be normal too soon, in case Carson wised up.’

Out of sight Gina clenched her hands, angrier than she’d ever been in her life. But she subdued her rage. For Joey’s sake she must make this unpleasant woman face the reality of his condition.

‘I won’t answer that,’ she said when she could speak calmly. ‘But you have to know how things are for him.’

‘All right, all right. Maybe later-’

‘Shut up and listen!’

Angelica’s jaw dropped. Nobody had talked to her like that for years. Taking advantage of her silence, Gina explained about Joey’s implant, and about the time and work it would take before he could speak properly.

Angelica blew out her cheeks. ‘Well, it’s not what I expected, I’ll tell you that.’

‘Just be patient with Joey. He’s learning fast, and now he’s got you back he’s-well, he’s perfectly happy. If you’ll just learn a few signs-’

‘No way. That stuff gives me the creeps. If Joey can hear now, it’s time he sharpened up his act. And he’ll do it a lot better without you around, miss. So-out.’

There was a noise in the doorway and they both turned sharply to see Joey standing there. He was looking from one woman to the other and it was impossible to tell how much he’d followed. Angelica was in profile to him, making lip-reading difficult, and anything he’d heard would be no more than a jumble of sounds.

The actress gave her son an effusive greeting, which made him smile. He began to sign, which made her mouth tighten.

‘He said “Hello, Mummy”,’ Gina told her in a strained voice.

‘Well, he can say it, then, can’t he?’ Angelica demanded.

‘Let him do it when he’s ready,’ Gina begged.

‘I told you to keep out of it, lady. He can speak properly if he wants to, and he’ll be fine when he hasn’t got you here holding him back.’

Her tone changed and she swooped on Joey again. ‘Come along, darling. You can do it for Mummy, can’t you? Now say it-Hello, Mummy.’

He tried. It was a good try for a child who’d only been able to hear for a few days, but not close enough to please Angelica. She winced.

‘Never mind,’ she said through gritted teeth. ‘We’ll try again later.’

Carson overheard part of this and it increased his sense of moving through a nightmare. Gina, who had taken every situation in hand and shown him the answers, seemed to have no answer for this.

The nightmare deepened with the discovery that Angelica had invited the press back that very day, determined to restage their reunion.

‘If she thinks I’m going to allow that-’ he growled.

‘Let her,’ Gina said. ‘Sooner or later she’s going to do this, and better now while I’m here to help Joey. After that, I’ll have to go.’

‘Have you explained that to him? He’ll take it hard.’

‘I’m not sure. I’m dispensable. I have a feeling that he may not even notice that I’ve gone.’

‘After everything you’ve done for him-’

‘Children are practical, darling. They take what they need to survive, and pass on.’

Joey was following his mother around, trying to communicate with her. When she didn’t understand his signing he attempted speech, and managed some of the words. He didn’t know that Angelica had expected to find all the problems solved.

He read her lips as she explained that they were going to have another party, some friends of hers would be coming and he must be on his best behaviour. He smiled, enjoying the thought of another party, but wondering when his mother would want to be alone with him so that they could talk, as they did in his dreams. As he talked to Gina.

He decided that Gina would know the answer to this, and went in search of her. He found her in her room, packing.

Where are you going?

‘Back to my job, darling. That was what we agreed at the start-that I’d be here for just a few weeks.’

I don’t want you to go.

‘I have to. You don’t need me any more. You’ve got Mummy now.’

Joey didn’t react to this with the brilliant smile she’d seen so often on his face since yesterday. Instead he frowned and tilted his head in a considering manner, as though it was only just occurring to him that he couldn’t have them both.

‘You love your mother, don’t you?’ Gina asked gently.

His lip-reading seemed to fail him and she had to sign, crossing her folded hands on her chest to indicate ‘love’.

Joey nodded, and now there was the smile. He understood that sign. It was what he felt for Brenda, Gina thought sadly. And that was how it should be.

He went away without communicating any more. Gina watched him go, with an aching feeling that made her angry with herself. What had she expected? The child had recovered his mother, and if Angelica’s career really was on a downward slide perhaps she would be scared into behaving well. If not, Carson would know how to protect Joey. Everything was working out well.

Downstairs Angelica was getting agitated. She’d put on a glamorous dress and made herself up to kill. What was left of the cake had been wheeled out, and she was distributing the presents that she’d brought the day before. She frowned when she saw Joey.

‘Why aren’t you wearing the clothes I bought you? I don’t want you in old jeans and a sweater.’

She spoke too fast for him and Gina, who’d followed him into the room, interpreted.

‘For pity’s sake!’ Angelica muttered. ‘Don’t tell me he didn’t get that. What is he, dumb or something?’

‘No, he’s exceptionally intelligent,’ Gina said. ‘But he couldn’t see your lips and he doesn’t know the words yet.’

‘Well, get him into those things I brought. It’s top-quality designer gear and it cost me a bomb on Rodeo Drive. What’s he saying?’ For Joey was signing something.

‘The clothes are too small,’ Gina explained. ‘He’s grown a lot recently. ‘Does it matter what he wears?’

‘All right. Leave it. But make him hold this.’

Angelica took up a football and pressed it into Joey’s hands. ‘You like football, don’t you?’ she asked.

He shook his head.

‘Nonsense, of course you do. All kids like football.’

Carson entered the room, having overheard the last part of the conversation. ‘He doesn’t,’ he snapped. ‘It bores him. He’s interested in marine life.’

‘In what?’

‘Fish, to you.’

‘Well, if you think I’m going to let people see him holding a damned fish-! Of course he likes football.’

Joey shook his head.

‘Yes, you do! All boys like football. That’s how you know they’re boys.’

Joey tried to explain, using words since she didn’t understand signs. Angelica listened to the incoherent noises that came from his mouth, and she froze.

‘Look,’ she said, dropping down so that her face was on a level with her son’s, ‘I don’t want you doing this. Just keep quiet. OK?’

But in his urgency to explain the child ignored her. His quick brain lined the thoughts up too fast for his mouth to cope with. Sounds poured from him in a jumble and he grew more and more agitated.

So did Angelica. She rose and tried to pull away from him, but Joey seized her arm, trying to make her listen.

‘Yes-yes-’ she said, struggling to maintain her smile and free herself. ‘All right, all right, but not just now-careful-my dress.’

He couldn’t follow. He held her more tightly and words poured from him. ‘Mom-mee, mom-mee-’

In his agitation he didn’t notice a tall glass of milk-shake on the table. His sleeve brushed it, sending it flying, and next moment strawberry milk was sprayed over Angelica’s beautiful gown.

‘Look at me!’ she screamed. She whirled on Joey. ‘What’s the matter with you, brat? I thought you were supposed to be normal now.’

Gina tensed at the look on Joey’s face. He’d read Angelica’s lips without trouble. He’d also heard her, not making out individual words, but sensing the malevolence in her tone.

In that moment Joey understood all about his mother, and his eyes filled with tears.

Gina began to edge carefully towards the child, letting him see her and know she was there, but not putting pressure on him. Young as he was, what happened next was for him to decide.

Angelica pulled herself together, evidently realising that she was ruining her own performance. Somehow she hoisted a fractured smile into place.

‘I’ll have to go and change, won’t I? I’ve just got time before the press arrive.’ She tried to sound ingratiating. ‘You didn’t mean to spoil Mummy’s dress, did you?’

Joey didn’t answer. He just looked at her.

‘I hope you’re not going to look so stupid when they’re taking your picture,’ Angelica snapped.

‘Nobody’s going to take his picture,’ Carson said quietly. ‘This farce is over. Get out of here, now!’

She gave him her gayest laugh. ‘Why, darling, you don’t mean that. What a fuss about a little blip.’

‘I never meant anything more seriously in my life. Get your things together and leave.’

‘Don’t be silly. The press will be here any minute.’

‘Yes, they will, and if you’re still here I’ll give them a story that will make your public look at you with new eyes.’

Angelica played her last card. Turning to Joey, she cried, ‘You don’t want me to go, do you, darling?’

He didn’t answer, but stood looking at her steadily.

She raised her voice. ‘You want me to stay. You love Mummy, don’t you?’

Joey regarded her in silence for a long moment. Then he stepped close to Gina, and took her hand.

‘Yes,’ he said simply and clearly.

At first Gina wondered if she’d understood right. Surely Joey couldn’t mean…?

Then she found him looking up at her, his eyes full of thoughts too old for his years. He had meant exactly that.

‘You’ve had your answer, Brenda,’ Carson said.

‘Don’t call me that!’

‘I’d have put up with you for Joey’s sake, but now that even he’s seen through you you’ve got no hold on me any more. In fact, it’s the other way round. You cause any trouble and I’ll give the press a story that will finish your “image” for good, and destroy what’s left of your career.’

Angelica visibly blenched. ‘You can’t do that. You mustn’t-it’s all I-’

‘It’s all you’ve got left,’ Carson supplied. ‘Yes. Once you had a husband and son who adored you but you threw them away. So now they’ve both chosen somebody else-a real woman, with a heart, that they’ll both love as long as they live. Now go and pack. There’ll be a taxi here when you come down.’

‘You think you’re so clever, the pair of you,’ Angelica snapped. ‘But I’ve still got friends. I’ll tell them what you did to me, how you threw me out to make way for some speech therapist-’

‘Lawyer,’ Carson snapped.

‘No,’ Gina said quickly. ‘Speech therapist sounds much better, doesn’t it, Angelica? Someone who understands Joey and can help him-which, as a loving mother, is all that you want.’

‘What?’

‘You’ve been treated really badly,’ Gina went on. ‘You’ll get a lot of sympathy when you tell the world.’

‘Gina!’ Carson exploded, but she held up a hand to silence him. And he drew a sharp breath, for suddenly he could see the knives flashing from her eyes.

‘If you time it right,’ Gina went on, ‘the first interview will appear the day Carson’s divorce becomes final.’

‘The first interview?’ Angelica echoed slowly.

‘I’m sure someone with your skill can get two bites of the apple. Carson and I will be getting married in a few weeks. I’ll let you know the date, and you can give another interview that will really spoil the day for us.’

That thought brought a smile of malicious pleasure to Angelica’s face. Gina watched it with contemptuous pity. As though anything this creature could do would spoil the day she became Carson’s wife!

The eyes of the two women met. Somewhere in the silence a deal was made.

‘Of course,’ Angelica said at last, ‘for my child’s sake I’m ready to make the sacrifice-even if it means giving up my husband and home…’

She spoke slowly because calculations were seething through her brain. For a moment they could all see the headlines that would proclaim her a martyred saint.

‘And since neither Carson nor I are going to talk to journalists,’ Gina added, ‘there’ll be nobody to contradict you.’

‘You say that, but what about you?’ She turned on Carson. ‘Does she speak for you?’

‘Of course,’ he said in disgust. ‘Get out of my hair, and I’ll keep out of yours. I won’t sell any fewer engines because of what you say about me.’

‘But you and Joey must stay in touch,’ Gina offered her quickly. ‘In a while, when he can talk properly, we might visit you out there, and you and he can-’

Angelica swung around so that she was facing Gina and hidden from Joey.

‘Get real,’ she muttered. ‘He’s all yours.’ To Carson she said, ‘Make sure that taxi’s there in ten minutes.’

She went upstairs. A few minutes later she had left the house without a backward look.

Joey watched his mother’s departure in silence, staying close to Gina. He’d been hurt, but in another way he’d also come to the end of his hurt. Like his father, he had made his choice, and it was for ever.

When they were alone he tugged at Gina’s hand.

You won’t go away now?

‘No, I’m staying always, darling.’

‘I’m going to make sure of that,’ Carson said.

Joey touched his father’s sleeve, indicated Gina and put his hands together as if clapping, the fingers of one hand folded over the back of the other.

‘I don’t know that one, son.’

‘It means marry,’ Gina said huskily.

‘Yes, we’re going to marry,’ Carson told him.

When?

‘Next month.’

Joey made another gesture.

‘That’s right,’ Carson agreed. ‘We do-all three of us.’

‘Did you understand that one?’ she asked shakily.

‘Yes, but only because you taught me. Without you, I might never have understood.’

‘Do it, Carson. I’ve heard you say it, but I’d like to see you say it, just once.’

He nodded. Gravely he faced her, folded his hands and crossed them on his breast.

‘Love,’ he said.