Forever Black

Chapter 35

Connor

Celebrating her birthday with her was the best day of my life, except for the day I found her standing in my kitchen. I walked into the room with a 12 inch round cake, beautifully lit up with 24 burning candles. I set it in front of her and watched her smile as she closed her eyes, made a wish and blew them out. The sweetness and the innocence of her swept me off my feet and left me with a feeling I never knew I was capable of. Her smile, her laughter and the way she played with her hair when she was nervous, were some of the things I loved most about her.

I handed her the knife to cut the first piece of cake as she took it from my hand with her delicate fingers. I stood there and stared at her as she cut each piece with finesse. She looked at me with her ice blue eye; eyes that were mesmerizing and full of life.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked.

A smile fell upon my face as I answered, “How much I love you.” The words I was never able to say before now flowed freely from my lips as easy as loving her did. She leaned over and put a dab of icing on the tip of my nose and laughed. She wiped it off and held her finger to my mouth as I took it inside and licked it slowly. I saw the fire in her eyes like I do every time she looks at me.

I can’t extinguish the fear that resides in my heart with her illness. I don’t want to believe that she won’t get better, but there’s a tiny part of me that is scared shitless that she won’t. I put on a brave front for her because she needs me. She needs me to be her rock and I can’t and won’t let her down.

I lay there in bed, checking my emails while waiting for her to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door and walks into the bedroom while brushing her teeth, frantically looking for something. “What’s wrong baby?” I asked. She mumbled something; I couldn’t understand her between the toothbrush and the foam. She held up her free hand against her ear.

“Your phone?”

She shook her head. I smiled as I pulled it from between the sheets. She smiled at me and gave me thumbs up as she went back into the bathroom and spit in the sink.

“Thanks baby,” she yelled. She walked towards the bed and looked at her phone checking her messages before she pulled back the covers and climbed in. She snuggled into my chest as I put my arm around her. This was right, too right, as she softly kissed my chest and slowly drifted to sleep.