Chapter Ten

Nathan was dying to know what Avery really thought of them living together. For a solid week, they’d occupied the same house, the same kitchen, the same bed… Jack kept them on the night shift, where Chloe continued to boss them around.

To Nathan’s relief, Avery remained just as surly and obnoxious as he normally was. At the gym he continued to try to put Nathan in his place. And when they exercised together downstairs, Avery didn’t let up on him. The big man tossed him around like a rag doll, constantly barking at him to “man the fuck up and fight back.” Nathan liked the consistency. He’d worried Avery might change, the way his lovers normally did. But Avery didn’t cater to Nathan. If anything, he demanded Nathan see to his whims and his moods.

Nathan hated to admit he liked doing what Avery ordered. Especially at home in the bedroom. Their bedroom. It gave him goose bumps to consider it not Avery’s, but theirs. Avery hadn’t said anything about Nathan moving out. He sighed a lot and stared at the mounds of clothes that popped up all over the place, but other than throwing them at Nathan, he didn’t complain. And he seemed to love Nathan’s cooking.

His mother, Danielle, had taught him how to cook, but it had never satisfied him the way it did now, cooking for Avery.

They still fucked like crazy, but Nathan thought their lovemaking had begun to grow more tender, softer. He saw Avery looking at him sometimes, with that dark intensity that stole his breath away. The way the man would kiss him, caress him, with more than his mouth and hands, but with a real loving touch, made him want to believe he might have a shot at a real relationship.

He knew he wasn’t crazy. Though Avery hadn’t said it, Nathan thought he might more than like Nathan. Maybe not love, not yet, but there was certainly more than infatuation on both their parts.

“Christ, Nathan. What the hell did you track into the living room?”

“It’s called snow.”

“It’s called mud, dumb-ass. Next time, wipe your feet.”

The domesticity of their arrangement delighted Nathan to no end. He’d never lived with a man before. He could never have imagined he’d like it so much. He and Avery really complemented each other. Both were morning people after a cup of coffee. Avery was organized while Nathan…was not. They both loved physical fitness, Jeopardy, and sex. Loved the sex, no two ways about it. And to his satisfaction, Avery liked having it a lot.

Boredom hadn’t set in, and Nathan didn’t think it would. He’d been fascinated with Avery for far too long. And now he knew why. Avery hid a big heart beneath that gruff exterior. So generous, the way he always made sure Nathan had breakfast in the morning, the way he protected him and saw to it that Nathan had a full meal before he did.

“If you’re done playing house, Nancy, we need to talk.”

Yeah, the guy had a big heart buried way deep beneath that thick skull and dense mass of muscle where his heart should be.

Nathan put down the dishrag he’d been holding. He considered it a major feat he hadn’t chucked it at Avery’s head. “Yes, oh lord and master?”

“If only.” Avery sighed. “Look, you’re going to be pissed at me, but I have to tell you.”

Nathan tensed. Or course the other shoe had to drop. Life with Avery could never be this good. Had he fucked Diane after all? Could he not tolerate Nathan’s habits any longer, even though he’d sworn he liked Nathan’s quirks—well, most of them?

“Relax.” Avery rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to shoot you. Come on, sit down.”

“Just say it already.” He mentally prepared himself to leave and sat across from Avery at the kitchen table. He’d been ready. Every time he got comfortable, someone died or something changed. And with Dixon still on the loose, it made sense for Nathan to go his own way—

Fingers snapping in front of his nose took him aback.

“Good. Now that I have your attention.” Avery leaned closer to him. “Malcolm Dixon is here in Bend. We don’t know where, but we can feel him. And by we, I mean me, Ian, Jack, a bunch of us. But the fucker is good. We can’t find him. Not yet.”

Nathan frowned. “I know this already. Hell, I’ve felt him watching me since I got back. Is that all you had to tell me?”

Avery blew out a breath. “No.”

“I knew it.” Nathan fumed. “You’re fucking around, aren’t you?”

Avery blinked. “When the hell would I have had time? That’s what you think this is about?”

Nathan felt stupid. “Okay, no.” But relief made him light-headed. Of course Avery wouldn’t fuck around. That wasn’t his style. Avery would tell Nathan to his face it was over, because that was the way Avery worked. Straight up, no chaser, in-your-face—the Holton way.

“It’s about Malcolm.”

Nathan went on alert.

“I had a vision when we were in that hotel outside Fort Collins.”

“You didn’t tell me?”

“I didn’t want to worry you.”

He was hurt and pissed off that he’d been so dismissed. “You don’t think I have a right to know everything about this case? That asshole killed my mother! He nearly killed me!”

“I know, I know.” Avery pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, hear me out. When we left for Bloomville, you were a mess. Getting drunk all the time, trying to screw your way through too many twinks, you name it.”

He deserved the hard look Avery sent him.

“Then you started to come around. I mean, your mother died. I still don’t think you’ve fully dealt with it.”

He hadn’t.

“But you’re holding it together. You’re strong. That’s what I admire about you.”

Warmth filled him, and he had to remind himself to be annoyed. “But…?”

“But the vision I had, it gave me some insight into you and your uncle.” Avery swallowed hard.

Christ. What the hell did he know? “Avery, just tell me.”

“I had Noah look into your uncle. Had him go over the scene where Danielle died.”

“Why?” His palms felt clammy, and Nathan wiped them on his jeans.

“I know why Danielle gave you away,” Avery answered. “I know why she never told you the truth.”

Nathan had a hard time catching his breath. “What?”

“That vision I had? I saw and heard a conversation between us. One where we talked about Malcolm Dixon being your dad.”

Nathan shook his head. “Wait. What?”

“He’s your biological father, just as Danielle Dixon was your biological mother. It made no sense, so with Jack’s okay, we had Noah do some digging.” Avery expelled a long breath. “You ready to hear the truth?”

The iconic phrase, You can’t handle the truth, popped into his mind, and he almost gave in to the hysteria building inside him. “Fucking talk, man.”

Avery reached for his hand and held on as he spoke. To Nathan’s bemusement, the touch grounded him and took some of the numbness away. “Thirty-three years ago, Danielle Craft married Malcolm Dixon. They were happy at first. I think you saw that when we were in the house.”

“Yeah.” It had been real.

“But Danielle noticed something not right in her husband. She loved him like nobody’s business. I mean, a forever kind of love. They were soul mates—that’s straight up what Noah felt and saw when he saw her past.”

His parents had loved each other. Not exactly comforting, considering dear old Dad had killed Mom.

Avery continued and squeezed his hand. “She didn’t want to leave him. Refused to listen to her sister when Michelle begged her to leave. Malcolm was getting unstable. But with Danielle around, he kept that part of himself suppressed. He could function better when he was with her.

“Noah thinks that Malcolm’s work for the government pushed him to use his talent in a way he shouldn’t have. That all that negative energy rebounded on him, made him not right.”

“Not right. Yeah, that’s Malcolm.” Nathan had a hard time understanding it all. “So he loved my mother, but he was nuts?”

“Ah, yeah. That pretty much caps it. So when Danielle found out she was pregnant, she was scared. She loved you the moment you sparked to life inside her, but she was afraid of what Malcolm would do. He acted possessive and jealous all the time. Her sister couldn’t visit anymore, because Malcolm would turn verbally abusive. But with Danielle, he was nothing but loving. It was bizarre.”

Nathan could see it. His uncle had been that way with him. So wonderful to his mother, yet a monster to Nathan. “So she had me and gave me away?” In essence, she’d chosen his father over him.

“She loved you, Nathan.” Avery stood and crossed to sit next to him. “You have to know that.”

“Why? She gave me up.”

“She saved your life. She refused to have an abortion, and she knew Malcolm would kill you as soon as look at you. Noah said it tore him up to feel that, her pain when she handed you to her sister. She actually lucked out that Malcolm was overseas for so long when she was pregnant. He never knew. And he never would have if Michelle hadn’t been hit by that car.”

“Christ. It’s like a bad dream.”

“No shit.” Avery tilted Nathan’s chin up and looked into his eyes. “You have to know how much she loved you. She wanted a normal life for you. That’s the kind of sacrifice a good mother makes for her kid. She would have lived with you, except she knew Malcolm would hunt you two down. She took a chance raising you when her sister died, but your grandmother was sick. Danielle kept a close eye on Malcolm to make sure you were okay.”

“Not close enough,” he muttered, remembering the abuse, the beatings. “You know he used to lock me in the fucking cellar? We had rats. Big, hairy rats. And it got cold down there. He’d beat me and leave me tied up until she got home. Then he’d threaten to hurt her if I said anything.”

“God, Nathan. I’m so sorry.” Avery pulled him into a hug, easing the shivers Nathan hadn’t realized he’d had. “But that’s why Malcolm snapped. When your mom found out about his abuse, she said she was leaving him. He didn’t want her to go. He couldn’t let her leave. So he tried to kill her; then he tried to kill you.”

“I have to find him. To take him on before he kills anyone else.”

“Hell, no.”

Nathan glared at him. “I can do this. Quit trying to protect me.”

“Sorry for caring whether you live or die.”

“She was my mother.”

“Yeah, well, Daddy Dearest is trying to kill you, in case you missed that.”

“Stop calling him that!”

“Face it. Malcolm is your father, and yeah, he’s a psycho. Doesn’t mean you are.”

Avery kissed him. “Quit torturing yourself. You and he are nothing alike.”

“Yes, we are.” Nathan pushed back from the table and stood. He reached for the weapon Avery kept on a side table. “See this gun?” He put his hands over the pistol grip of Avery’s Beretta, and a psychic miasma settled over him.

Nathan held the gun pointed down, but he’d adjusted his grip so he held it the way Avery normally did.

Avery stared. “What—”

“I’m like him, Avery. I pick up energy from weapons, the way I know things about objects. Psychometry gets jacked up when I touch something with strong emotion tied to it. That’s why I don’t like to touch things that kill. They have a special feel to them.” Nathan looked down at Avery’s gun. “You’ve killed with this, but you never enjoyed it. When I hold this, I know I can shoot anything that moves, that I’m an expert, like you. And that I can nail a fly to the wall at seven meters, no problem.”

He put the gun back on the table and looked at Avery, wishing he didn’t feel such a connection to Malcolm.

Avery swore and stood. “Fuck him. Come here.” He yanked Nathan forward and caged him in strong arms.

Nathan rested his head against Avery’s strong shoulder, sad and bone tired all of a sudden.

“I’m so sorry about all of it, Nathan. But just think how fucked up your life would have been if he’d raised you.”

Avery had a point. Nathan wasn’t sure how long he stood there in Avery’s embrace. He extricated himself and took a step back. “Sorry.”

Avery scowled. “Don’t even try it.”

“Try what?”

“I’m here for you, you little jerk. Don’t even think of pulling away from me.”

Nathan surprised himself by laughing. “You’re being a dick to me now?”

Avery gave him a punishing kiss. “Hell, yeah, now. You have the truth, and you have all these whacked-out ideas floating in your head. But I’m not about to lose you to some dickhead, deadbeat dad after all the shit I went through to get you.”

His fatigue drained as he realized what Avery was saying…without saying. “Huh?”

“Oh, come on. I dragged your ass out of bars and didn’t kill any of the guys trying to get a piece of your fine ass. I didn’t jump you the way I wanted to the very first time I rubbed up against your sexy body. And that was what? Eleven months ago?”

Nathan could only stare.

“Then I managed to behave myself when I wanted to fuck you the entire trip to Bloomville. I wanted my dick down your throat during the drive, despite your annoying chatter. And no offense, you cook like a dream, but your coffee tastes like shit. I only drink it because I love you.” Avery grimaced. “Not the best timing, huh? You find out your father’s a psychopath, then you have to hear from the guy who rubs your face into the mats on a daily basis that he loves you—”

Nathan stole Avery’s breath with a kiss. Balance had a way of making things right. The truth of his past might be hell, but the beauty of his future was here, right now, for the taking.

“Fuck, Avery. You should have told me that before the part about Dixon.”

Avery groaned and yanked him closer, plastering his erection against Nathan’s. “I’m trying to be sensitive, dumb-ass. And now I’ve probably scared you. All that love talk can’t be good, not after the warped love between your mom and dad.”

“He’s not my dad, not in any sense that matters. But Danielle, her I think of as Mom.”

Avery nodded and kissed him again. He broke off, panting. “She’d like that. Noah spoke really highly of her, you know. Said the woman loved you like crazy.”

“Crazy. Good word to use with my family.” Nathan kissed Avery again, desperate for some light in his life. “I need you.”

“Always, baby.”

They made their way to bed and didn’t leave for several hours.


When Nathan could once again feel his toes, he sighed and slumped over Avery’s heaving chest. “I can’t move. My ass is full of cum, and did I say I can’t move?”

Avery chuckled. “Good loving will do that to you. Who knew you were a screamer?”

“Shut up.” Nathan smiled. Even the truth couldn’t totally dim his satisfaction. “What am I going to do?”

“About me? Just bend over at least twice a day, shut up, and take it like a man, and we’re good.”

“God, you are such an asshole.”

Avery snickered.

“I meant, what do I do about Malcolm?” He sighed. “We know he’s out there, coming for me. I need to go back to Bloomville, don’t I?”

“Not without me, you don’t. Every day we learn a little more about what Dixon is really like, and none of it’s good.” Avery paused and caressed Nathan’s hair. “I worry about you, baby.”

Nathan kissed Avery’s chest. “I worry about you too. That vision didn’t show you anywhere near. And you’re a possessive bastard. If you’re not close, it means Dixon did something to you. We need more men on this case.”

“We have nearly half a dozen on it now. Two are constantly watching your place. Noah did his research, I’m watching your back, and Ian’s been gathering intel from sources—and I quote—‘we’re not supposed to ask about.’”

Nathan snorted. “Little shit. He just says that to appear mysterious.”

“And to annoy Jack.” Avery chuckled. “Ian’s good at his job.”

“Yeah. So why can’t he find Malcolm for us?” Nathan pushed up from Avery and frowned. “I want this over with. Then I can concentrate on you.”

“You mean you’re not focused now? I don’t know if I’ll survive when you are.” Avery slapped an arm over his eyes, clearly exhausted.

Nathan felt revived. He whistled as he took care of his needs and cleaned up in the shower. When he finished, he found Avery asleep on the bed. He pushed Avery’s hair back off his face, enamored with the hard features softened in sleep. Yet Avery still looked tough, a warrior through and through.

“What am I going to do with you?”

The guy called him baby, insulted his coffee, and made love unselfishly. He didn’t care about Nathan’s past, only that Nathan would have a future, one he apparently wanted to share.

God, Nathan loved the big guy. So why was it so hard to say it out loud? Because if I do, something bad will happen. A stupid thing to think, but he had cause.

He left Avery sleeping and searched for his cell phone. He found it and made a call. Ian picked up on the second ring.

“Yes?”

“Hey, Ian, it’s Nathan.”

“I figured. Caller ID is a wonderful invention.” Smart-ass. “What can I do you for?”

“I need to grab some groceries but didn’t want to leave Avery here by himself, just in case Malcolm makes his move.” There was no telling what the psycho might do, and Nathan didn’t want to take any chances. He wasn’t too proud to use all the help he could get.

“Good call. Foreman and Price are standing by. I’ll send one of them in.”

Nathan frowned. “You’ll send them in?”

“I’m standing in for Jack while he deals with some case Gavin screwed up.”

“Isn’t Gavin our accountant?”

“Yep. And there’s a big part of the problem. He’s a wonder boy with numbers, but he got greedy and tried to track down that book you guys looked into.”

“He found it?”

“Yep. Then he lost it. And now Jack is beyond pissed, because our client needs it back, like yesterday.”

Nathan shook his head. “From what the bookseller said, it was just an old book of weird names with some sex thrown in for shits and grins.”

“Well, apparently it had something more in there, some strange codes sewn into the binding that mean something. Not that you heard that from me.”

Talk about the wrong man to tell secrets to. “Your point?”

“My point is that as we speak, Price is on your doorstep and Foreman is standing guard on the house. Your lover is in good hands.” Ian paused. “So is Avery big all over?”

“Shut up.” Nathan chuckled. “But thanks.” He disconnected just as a knock came at the door.

He peered out the dormer window and saw Keegan Price standing with his hands in his pockets. If Nathan hadn’t had the hots for Avery, and Keegan weren’t in a three-way relationship, Nathan would have done him in a heartbeat. But the pesky emotions clogging his heart made the idea unfathomable. Still, he could appreciate a walking work of art. The body on Keegan Price could tempt a saint.

He opened the door and smiled.

Keegan saw him and groaned. “Oh hell. I thought I had Avery. Come on, trouble. Let’s go shopping.”

Nathan set the code on the door and closed it, but he couldn’t quite step away. Leaving Avery unaware, vulnerable, didn’t sit right.

“Don’t worry, Nathan. We’re watching your boy.”

Nathan let out the breath he’d been holding. “I know. I just have an itchy feeling. And it’s hard to leave him without saying good-bye.”

“Huh?”

“He’s sleeping.”

“It’s the middle of the day.” Keegan frowned at him. “He’s in bed?”

“He’s resting.” Nathan gave a cocky grin. “I wore him out.”

“Oh. Oh.” Keegan tipped back the cowboy hat shielding his gaze and grinned down at Nathan. “Can’t wait to rib him about that. Avery’s a bit too tense, you know? Needs to lighten up some.”

“I couldn’t agree with you more.” Just so long as he lightened up on Nathan and no one else.

Nathan walked away, but the bad feeling growing in his gut didn’t ease. It worsened, and he warned Keegan to be ready for anything.

Maybe he’d lengthen his shopping trip, expose himself to as many people and security cameras as he could to tempt Malcolm. Anything to keep the danger from Avery and centered on himself. I’m ready for you, Dad. It’s time we settled this. Once and for all.

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