Full Throttle

CHAPTER TWENTY

SHAWN wasn’t even sure how she had managed to fall asleep, because after Rhett had closed the door, she had spent the first few hours lying in bed staring at the wall. She had debated going out into the living room and talking to him about a hundred times. Every single time she had chickened out.

Of course, when she had gotten up, he was nowhere to be found.

Now she was exhausted, miserable, and confused as hell as she sat on the couch, picking through the box of cards from all their friends and family. Every single one, with its well wishes and words of congratulations, were a new knife in her heart. There was a lot of money. Thousands of dollars, and as she calculated in her head, her guilt and disgust with herself grew. Marriage was a serious covenant, not something you jumped into without zero thought and for practical purposes.

So she might have lost the track, which would have been horrible. It hadn’t been worth the damage she had done to her own conscience and how the people she cared about would feel when her split became known. If there had been no marriage, she might have dated Rhett and they might have gotten to the same destination in the end. But there was no way of knowing that, and no way to go back. Second-guessing was painful and futile.

The truth was, they might have managed to create a relationship together despite the odd origin, if she had been able to unlock her lips the night before and tell him she loved him.

But then again, she did have a legitimate point—once in a while she wanted to feel in charge.

Though on the other hand, when had he ever really truly been bossy out of the bedroom?

She clutched the box to her chest and cried silent tears.

Which is how Eve found her.

When she heard the side door open she thought it was Rhett, and she felt her hope soar, only to realize it was her best friend.

“Okay, start explaining,” Eve said by way of greeting. “Rhett is at my apartment saying that the two of you got married so you wouldn’t lose the track.”

The blood drained from her face. “What?”

“Don’t worry. I know it’s a secret. It’s crazy, but I won’t tell anyone. But tell me what this is all about.” She sank into the chair opposite Shawn.

So she told Eve everything, starting with the will and how she had impulsively chosen Rhett because she was attracted to him and because she figured he could use the money. “Then the thing is, we did fall for each other for real. We really did. I am in love with him.”

“Okay, so I’m just going to let all the ridiculousness of how you ended up married go for now and focus on the immediate issue. So if the love is mutual, what the hell is the problem?”

“I’m worried about losing my independence.”

Eve blinked. “Why would that happen? I married Nolan and I’m the same person I was before. I didn’t suddenly start wearing pearls and an apron.”

“Rhett is different than Nolan.” Shawn bit her lip. “He’s . . . intense.”

“I’m not going to talk about your sex life, or at least I’m going to try not to. Are you saying he wants you to be like a submissive all the time? Like an actual lifestyle choice? Because I can understand you might object to being led on a leash or whatever.”

“No! Not at all.” Shawn set the box down on the couch next to her and leaned forward. “I’m afraid to be too much in love.”

“You’re afraid to be your mother,” Eve said shrewdly.

Shawn winced. “There is probably truth to that. She never recovered from my dad leaving. I’m afraid to give my heart like that.”

“But in trying to avoid being hurt like your mother, you have become the post-divorce version of your mother—apathetic. She can’t bring herself to care more than superficially about anyone, including her own kids.”

That was definitely true. But the realization that she could wind up like that punched Shawn in the gut. “Oh, God, I do not want to be my mother. She’s miserable, and she makes everyone else around her miserable, too.”

“Let me ask you this very simple question. Would you rather be alone or with Rhett when you go to bed every night? And when you wake up in the morning and you’re having your coffee, would you rather be alone? Or would you like him there?”

Shawn didn’t even hesitate. “I’d rather be with him.”

“Then stop treating every little speed bump like the end of the relationship. Marriage is a learning curve. But you can’t learn anything if you both just bail the second that it gets tough. Give it a shot, work on being together, then in six months, get married for real, with vows you actually mean when you speak them.”

“You think so?”

“Girl, I’m Eve Monroe Ford. I know so.”

Shawn laughed, suddenly hopeful. They could work on their relationship. So Rhett was all or nothing. But maybe he would understand that when you skipped a step or five, you were all in, you just weren’t at the end goal yet. “What should I do?”

“Go to my apartment and surprise him. I’ll text Nolan and tell him to make up an excuse to leave Rhett alone. Just tell him how you feel. You’ve got nothing to lose. I went after Nolan, and look at how that turned out.” Eve sat back, smug. “We’ve basically cornered the market on awesome marriages.”

“And modesty, too.”

“Yeah, well, you’re one to talk. Now get dressed and go talk to Rhett, or I’m going to post on Stoney White’s Facebook wall that you have never gotten over him.”

She rolled her eyes and stood up. “You aren’t even friends with Stoney White.”

“How do you know?”

Shawn ignored the question and asked one of her own. “How can something that’s so amazing be so scary? I never thought of myself as chickenshit, but this loving someone—it’s terrifying.”

“Tell me about it. But I combat the fear by drag racing with Nolan. It takes the tension out.”

That wasn’t going to work in her case, since Shawn hadn’t driven in years and Rhett would leave her in the dust. But she had a better idea. “Good call, Eve.” She went to get dressed and go lay her cards on the table. She had taken a huge leap of faith in asking Rhett to marry her. Now it was time to make another one.

RHETT was dozing in and out of sleep on the floor, his head on a throw pillow from the armchair, his headache between his eyes and misery pronounced. The door to the apartment opened and he sighed, guessing it was Eve back from her jog, or Nolan back from the doughnut shop. He’d said he had a post-drinking hankering for fried dough. Hopefully, whoever it was, they wouldn’t speak to him. He wanted to be left the hell alone.

But his eyes flew open when he realized whoever it was had stopped next to him and was dropping onto their knees. It was Shawn, and in another second, she was on the floor, aligned next to him.

“Hi,” she said, with a soft smile.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, even as a seed of hope began to sprout. He rolled onto his side so he was facing her. He wanted to touch her, but he restrained himself.

“I came to apologize for my behavior last night. You wanted to know what was wrong—the truth is, I’m not entirely sure. But the closest I can figure is that I’m afraid. I’m afraid of these feelings, Rhett. I’ve never been in love before, and I’m afraid of losing Shawn in our relationship.”

Her eyes were glassy with new tears and her voice was quiet, words spoken with conviction. “But I’m willing to risk it. I’m all in if you are.”

The words were everything to him. Her sincerity was clear, and he was willing to work on whatever they needed to make this work. He gave in to his urge and ran his finger across her bottom lip. “I’m all in. I love you.”

It was that simple.

“I love you, too.” Her hand started to wander across the front of his dress pants.

“What are you doing?” he asked with a smile as he kissed her chin, the corner of her mouth, her ear.

“Something I’ve been wanting to do for a while.” She unzipped his pants and reached in with eager strokes and freed his cock.

Rhett gritted his teeth. “What if Eve or Nolan come home?”

“Eve texted Nolan and told him to leave and not come back until further notice. She came over to my house to bitch me out. They won’t be back until we give the word.”

Rhett grinned. “Smooth, Hamby. I like your style.” He stilled her hand. “But you know my stance on oral sex.”

“I can appreciate your opinion. But this is what I want, and sometimes, Rhett Butler Ford, you’re just going to have to do it my way.” Her mouth descended and wrapped around his erection.

“Damn it, that feels good,” he said, laying back and closing his eyes for a second and enjoying the hot stroke of her mouth over him. “But I’m not going to stop being dominating in bed, I hope you understand that. I can’t turn it off.”

Shawn looked up at him over the length of his cock, her lips clearing with a slick popping sound. “I understand, and believe me, I enjoy it, too. I had no idea how very much I would enjoy it. But on occasion, I’m asking you to let me have my way with you.”

It was a fair compromise, especially given that a second ago she had been sucking him, and now they were merely talking. “I can live with that. Now get up here and ride me.”

“Uh-uh. Give me a minute.”

Shawn’s mouth covered him again and he groaned, letting her have her way with him. He had to admit, it was a sensation that drove him crazy, and the view was amazing. He let her go at it, both enjoying it, until his control was threatened. But for once, he didn’t mind. He wanted to lose control with her, he wanted to be swept away on a wave of emotion with Shawn. His wife.

He gripped her arms and hauled her up the length of him. “Come here.” A second later he had her pants down and her astride him. He didn’t bother to tell her what she should do. He let her sit up and start a slow, eager rhythm.

“Rhett?” she asked, eyes dilated with desire, hips pumping.

“Yes, Scarlett?”

“As God is my witness, I will never go horny again.”

If he weren’t so turned on, he would have laughed. “And that is one of the many reasons I love you.”