Gino’s Arranged Bride

CHAPTER SEVEN

IT WAS good to be home. He’d missed the crimson sunsets and glowing colours of Tuscany. Even more, he’d missed the loving family that had always been his. His father, bellowing, jovial, mischievous, infinitely loving. And his brother Rinaldo, gruff, unyielding, withdrawn, but with a fierce power of love that had equalled their father’s.

Why had he left them?

Then he realised that nothing was quite as he remembered. He’d meant to come home, but home no longer existed. Where was his father? He looked around him for the farmhouse he loved, with its two incongruous flights of stone steps up the front.

But the landscape was a desert, and in the centre, strangely, was a funeral.

There was Rinaldo, his face full of rage and hostility. Why? And the fair-haired woman, watching them both across the open grave. Who was she? Surely he should know her? But there was a mystery about her that he couldn’t unravel.

Agitated voices reached him out of the mists. ‘His temperature’s shooting up again. We have to get it down fast. This wasn’t supposed to happen.’

No, it hadn’t been supposed to happen. He shouldn’t have fallen in love with Alex, because when they tossed a coin for her, Rinaldo had won. But he hadn’t wanted her, until it was too late for all of them and disaster had been inevitable.

Now he knew the woman watching them across the grave with cool, appraising eyes. She was Alex who had lit up his life and then left him desolate.

He and Alex had spent the first day of her trip together. He’d shown her the city of Florence, and then they’d driven out into the country to hire riding horses. That was how he remembered her best, laughing as she rode beside him through the sunlight.

He could feel that sunlight on him now, fierce, blazing, almost unbearably hot. She had flowered in that heat, becoming a woman of Italy, discovering that she belonged there.

He’d known then that he loved her, not like his other ‘light o’loves’, but finally, completely, with a total giving of himself, nothing held back. That was something he’d never felt able to do before, and it had fulfilled him.

After that there could be no other woman but her, and the knowledge filled him with joy. He’d seen that joy mirrored in her-or so he’d thought until the moment he found them together in Rinaldo’s bed, folded in each other’s arms.

He tried to shy away from that memory. It brought too much pain. But his mind insisted on forcing him to confront it, as though it was trying to convey an urgent message.

He saw them again, naked limbs entwined, lost in each other, and he knew there was something here that he’d failed to understand, but which he must understand if he were ever again to know peace.

There was her face again, blurred this time, but he could see that she was gazing at him sadly, anxiously. She’d looked like that at their last meeting, not the day of her wedding to Rinaldo, but before that, when they’d spoken alone, face to face, for the last time.

‘Be damned to the pair of you!’ he’d cried in his anguish, although she’d tried to make him understand that she hadn’t taken him seriously, had thought he was only playing at love. And it had been true to start with.

‘But then I found I was really in love with you.’

That was what he’d told her, and now he tried to say it again through parched, swollen lips. He wanted to make her understand.

‘Gino-Gino-’ Her voice reached him down long, echoing corridors.

‘Carissima-’

‘Gino try to wake up-look at me, please-’

‘I always loved-to look at you,’ he told her sadly. ‘Do you remember-that day in the barn, you were so beautiful-’

She was silent, but he could still feel her hands holding his.

‘I wanted to take you in my arms,’ he murmured. ‘I loved you so much.’

‘Did you?’ she whispered.

He thought she sounded almost wistful, but that must be part of his fevered madness.

‘You never knew,’ he murmured, ‘but I woke up thinking about you and went to bed thinking about you. Such dreams of you I had-I’d be ashamed to tell you-’

‘You could tell me now,’ she said softly.

‘You would be angry with me. I dreamed of holding you in my arms when we were naked-we made love-I had no right to think of you that way-’

‘Right has nothing to do with it,’ she said gently. ‘You love whom you love.’

‘That’s true. I couldn’t help loving you and I wanted everything with you. And when I held you, you were beautiful-as beautiful as I always knew you would be. And I told you that you were my love, for ever. I know I must never say that again, only think it. I can’t spend my life with you, but I can spend my life loving you.’

Through the mist he saw her shake her head.

‘That’s a long time,’ she said. ‘Time to forget and love again.’

His hands moved, holding hers.

‘You don’t understand. Why should I want to love again when I’ve found the perfect woman?’

‘No woman is perfect,’ she insisted, and he had the strange feeling that she was pleading with him. ‘There’s always someone else, who might be even better-’

‘Not for me.’

‘But suppose she loved you? Don’t you want to be loved as well as to give love-?’

‘Yes,’ he whispered, ‘I wanted that.’

‘Wouldn’t that be better than wasting your life on something that’s hopeless?’

‘Much better-common sense. But-not for me.’

He tightened his hand on hers, drawing it slowly up to his mouth so that his lips could lie against it.

‘Amor mio,’ he whispered. ‘Per tutta la vita.’

Her hand vanished as though she’d snatched it back. In the same moment her blurred face melted away, and he was alone in the burning darkness again.

It swirled around him, tossing him about violently, like a whirlwind. He tried to touch ground, but there was no ground, nothing to hold onto, no safety, no joy, only a world of fearsome nothingness.

Gradually the heat began to abate. The glowing Tuscan colours faded into hospital pastels, reality shuddered back into place, and he awoke to find himself in a cold world.

He saw the end of the bed, the pale green walls, and a mass of bleeping machinery. His neck hurt, but he managed to turn his head slowly, and saw Laura standing by the window, looking out.

‘Hello,’ he managed to say. The tube was gone from his neck but he was still hoarse.

She turned and smiled quickly, but her face was pale and distraught.

‘Hello,’ she said in a strained voice. ‘I’ll fetch someone.’

She left the room before he could speak, and from the corridor he heard her say, ‘He’s come round.’

There were footsteps, a nurse appearing, smiling with relief. ‘That’s better,’ she said. ‘You gave us a fright.’

‘Why, what happened?’

‘Just when we thought you were on the mend you took a bad turn. Your temperature shot right up again, and we called your wife back quickly, just in case. Let me check your temperature, although I can see it’s well down. Yes-that’s normal.’

After a few more checks the nurse left them. Gino wondered why Laura was keeping back from him, near the window.

‘Have you been with me all the time?’ he asked.

‘Most of it. They sent for me last night because Nikki said-er-she said you were her daddy, and they assumed we were either married or-’

‘Uh-huh! I guessed that.’

‘I didn’t tell them otherwise because if they think I’m your next of kin it makes things easier.’

‘Right. I’m glad they sent for you. I wouldn’t have liked to die alone.’

‘Gino, you’re not going to die.’

‘Not now. But I know how close to it I came.’

Laura nodded. ‘Yes, it got very scary. Would you like me to contact your family? After all, I’m not your next of kin, and maybe they should know?’

He was silent.

‘Give me a number to call,’ she suggested.

‘There’s no need,’ he said at last. ‘I’m past the worst now.’

‘But suppose you had died? How would I get in touch with them?’

‘There’s an address book in my room, but don’t use it now. I’m getting better and there’s no need.’ His voice was weak, but he spoke with a firmness that told her the subject was closed.

‘As you wish,’ she said. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Dreadful. My throat feels as though I’ve swallowed thorns, and my brain is off the planet. I’m so light-headed I’m floating between two worlds.’

‘You had a terrible fever. You were delirious.’

‘Did I talk much?’ He didn’t look at her as he spoke.

‘A bit, but don’t ask me what you said. It was in Italian.’

She saw that some of his tension eased.

‘Was it all in Italian?’ he asked, as casually as he could. ‘I didn’t say anything I shouldn’t, did I?’

‘Not that I noticed.’

He gave her his winning smile. ‘I just wondered if I’d offended you, and that was why you were keeping your distance.’

He stretched out his hand, and after a moment she came forward and took it, sitting carefully on the side of the bed.

‘What time is it?’ he asked.

‘Seven in the morning. I’d like to be home before Nikki awakes, so that she doesn’t need to know that I was ever away.’

‘Right.’ He tightened his hand. ‘Poor Laura. I’ve kept you up all night, and now you’ve got to start a day’s work. I’m sorry.’

‘Not your fault,’ she said gruffly.

‘You must rue the day you ever met me.’

‘You know I don’t. If anything had happened to you-well-’

‘Nikki,’ he said, understanding. ‘Well, tell Nikki I’m fine, thanks to her.’

‘I will. Goodbye for now.’

She squeezed his hand and left him.

Laura just made it home before Nikki was up. In a low voice she outlined events to the others, who promised to say nothing. They were acting normally by the time Nikki came bounding downstairs, eager for news of Gino.

‘We will go and see him tonight, won’t we?’ she demanded over breakfast. ‘Otherwise he’ll wonder what’s happened to us.’

‘We’ll go,’ Laura promised.

At last they all departed, Nikki and Mrs Baxter to school, Sadie and Claudia to the factory. Laura started the housework, but in Sadie’s bedroom she stopped, fighting with her conscience.

Sadie possessed a state-of-the-art computer, bought at cost price from the factory. She’d shown Laura how to use it, and get online.

She did so now. Searching feverishly she found what she wanted, a website that did translations. With shaking hands she typed in per tutta la vita. She could remember the words clearly. They were burned into her brain.

The translation came up. For all my life.

Gino had said, Amor mio, per tutta la vita.

‘My love, for all my life.’

But he had said it to Alex, not to her. She’d known that, even as he grasped her hands and babbled deliriously of love. None of it had been meant for herself. His eyes had been open but he’d seen only the woman he loved and always would, because no other woman existed for him. He’d poured out his heart to Alex in passionate words that she would never hear.

He’d spoken in a jumble of English and Italian. Laura hadn’t understood it all, but she’d followed enough for her heart to ache for him. Of course, Gino was only her brother, but it had hurt her to the heart to see him lying there, perhaps dying, tortured by what he yearned for, and which could never be his.

Why had she spoken to him of a woman who might return his love? She hadn’t meant to say it, but the words had spoken themselves without her willing them. Or so it had seemed.

She switched off the machine and returned to her work, but everything she did was mechanical as thoughts raged through her head.

By the end of the day they had resolved themselves into no conclusions, and somewhere in her breast was the dull ache of a heavy stone. Almost like grief.

When Laura had gone Gino lay still, troubled by a strange feeling that had come to him in the last few minutes. The sense of hovering between two worlds was back, stronger than ever, and it had to do with something that had happened in the last few minutes.

He fought to recall the memory, but it was elusive and the effort tired him.

For the rest of the day he slept in snatches between visits from doctors who changed his medication, said he was on the mend, but predicted that it would be several days before he was strong enough to leave.

All his life he had been physically strong, and now his own weakness maddened him. By evening he was exhausted, but he knew he must be at his best to ease Nikki’s mind.

He managed to be out of bed, wrapped in a hospital towel dressing gown, a scarf around his throat to cover the wound, sitting in a chair, looking fairly normal.

When Nikki came through the door he put on a smile and opened his arms for her to run into them. Laura smiled at the sight and went to sit by the window.

‘Are you really, really, really all right?’ Nikki demanded.

‘Really, really, really,’ he confirmed.

‘Look what I’ve brought you,’ she said, diving into a plastic bag she was carrying.

It was Simon, the toy dog she’d given him on the first day.

‘Nikki,’ Laura protested, laughing, ‘Gino can’t have Simon beside him in hospital.’

‘Yes, I can,’ he said at once. ‘He’s my friend, because Nikki’s my friend, and she gave him to me.’

He set the toy on the bedside table, which delighted Nikki. She began to chatter about her day, and he listened, quiet and contented, until Nikki said, ‘Mummy, do you-?’

‘Hush,’ Gino said. ‘I think she’s asleep.’

Laura had slid down in her seat and was leaning against the wall, breathing deeply.

‘Let her sleep,’ Gino told Nikki. ‘She works so hard.’

Nikki nodded. ‘And she was crying today.’

‘What?’

‘When I got home she was in the kitchen. She came out quickly but I saw her put her handkerchief away, and her eyes were red.’

‘Did she say anything to you?’

Nikki shook her head. ‘Mummy never tells people about the times she cries.’

‘I’m sure she doesn’t,’ Gino murmured. ‘I don’t suppose she tells anyone anything, really. Who can she talk to?’

‘You. She tells you everything.’

Gino shook his head. ‘No, she tells me a lot, but there’s also a lot she feels she has to keep to herself.’

‘But why doesn’t she tell you?’

‘It’s not that easy, piccina. She’s a very brave and a very lonely person. Let her sleep. I haven’t thanked you yet for what you did. Tell me all about it.’

She complied happily, giving a graphic description of finding him lying on the floor choking to death. Gino was able to piece together his own fractured memories, and to realise again exactly how much he owed to her.

At last the nurse looked in to say that Visiting Time was almost over.

‘Shall I wake Mummy?’ Nikki asked.

‘No, I’ll do it.’

He began to ease himself up out of the chair, wobbled and clutched Nikki’s shoulder to steady himself. Using her as a support he made his way across to Laura and sat down facing her.

‘Laura,’ he said gently shaking her shoulders.

She didn’t wake. He looked closely at her face, seeing how white and tired she looked.

‘Does she have to work tonight?’ he asked Nikki quietly.

‘No, we’ll go straight home.’

‘Good. Take care of her, Nikki. Make sure she goes to bed at once.’

Nikki nodded. ‘Leave it to me,’ she said solemnly.

‘Laura,’ he said again, touching her shoulder. ‘Laura, wake up.’

She opened her eyes slowly, looking straight at him.

‘Hello,’ he said, smiling. ‘Wake up. Nikki’s going to take you home.’

‘She’s taking me home?’

‘Yes, I told her to. She’s going to look after you. Someone needs to.’

Laura got sleepily to her feet.

‘Come along, Mummy,’ Nikki said gravely.

Gino watched them go, then made his way slowly back to bed. He had a lot to think about.

The next evening it was Sadie who brought Nikki to the hospital.

‘Mummy had to go out to work suddenly,’ she explained.

‘At The Running Sheep?’

‘No, it’s another one,’ Sadie explained. ‘It’s owned by someone called Mark.’

‘Oh, him!’ Gino growled. ‘Yes, I remember, he called the other night.’

‘I don’t think Laura’s on the regular staff because he just calls up and books her for one stint. He called this morning and wanted her for tonight. It’s unusual for him to want her for two bookings so close together.’

‘What’s the name of this other place?’

‘I’ve no idea. Laura doesn’t talk about it. Before I forget, everyone at the factory sends their good wishes, and the chief packer says don’t worry about your job, which, considering you’ve been doing two men’s work for one man’s wages isn’t the biggest surprise in the world.’

‘Well, I’ll be out of here soon.’

‘But not fit for work, surely,’ Sadie said, eyeing him. ‘You’re not going to regain your strength overnight. Or even in a few days. You’ve been knocked for six.’

‘Yes, I have,’ he murmured. ‘In many ways.’

Laura came in alone at lunchtime next day.

‘Nikki’s at school,’ she said, ‘and I wanted to see you quickly to apologise about the other night. Coming to see you, then nodding off.’

‘You don’t have to apologise for falling asleep,’ Gino said. ‘Especially when you were up all night with me. Between you and Nikki I’m piling up a huge debt.’

‘I think we’re just repaying our debt to you.’

He shook his head. ‘She saved my life by acting so fast. I made her tell me the details, and it’s quite a story. I must find a way to thank her for it. Do you know of anything that she specially wants?’

It seemed to him that Laura took a long time to answer. ‘Yes, I do.’

‘Then tell me and it’s hers.’

There was a strange note in Laura’s voice as she said, ‘It may not be that simple. Gino, just what would you be prepared to do for Nikki?’

‘For the person who saved my life? What wouldn’t I be prepared to do? Name it.’

‘Give her what she wants most in the world.’

‘But I don’t know what that is.’

‘Yes, you do,’ Laura said with a hint of urgency in her voice. ‘She’s told us in her own way, when she called you Daddy. That’s what she wants most, Gino. She wants you to be her father.’

‘But how can I-?’

Laura took a deep breath. ‘By marrying her mother. I’m asking you to marry me, Gino.’

As Gino stared at her, wondering if he’d heard properly, Laura said quickly, ‘Don’t say anything. Let me explain what I mean, first.’

‘Explain?’

‘What I have in mind needs some explaining. It wouldn’t be real marriage, you see. In name only. You wouldn’t be tied down. You could live just as you please, have girlfriends if you want, as long as Nikki didn’t know. I wouldn’t ask questions or get jealous.’

‘It doesn’t sound much of a deal for you.’ He was speaking vaguely, trying to get his thoughts in order.

‘All I ask is that you make Nikki happy,’ she said. ‘If you can do that, it’s a wonderful deal for me. The best deal in the world.’

‘Don’t you want anything out of life for yourself?’ he asked gently.

‘Well, I tried that, didn’t I? And look what a mess I made of it. I guess you can’t force life to give you what you want, you have to make the best of the chances it offers. And you’re Nikki’s best chance.’

Still he didn’t say anything and she hurried on, ‘Look, I know I’m older than you-’

‘Not that much. Three years is nothing.’

‘I was only going to say that I wouldn’t embarrass you by falling in love with you, or anything silly.’

‘Yes, that would be silly, I suppose,’ he said wryly.

‘It would be nonsense for both of us, wouldn’t it? I suppose we’re agreed about that. Look at it any way you like, I am older than you and it would be positively undignified. I just want you to be easy in your mind, because I’ll never embarrass you that way.’

‘You’re quite certain, I gather,’ he said with a little smile.

‘Totally, absolutely certain. It’s a promise. And, of course, I wouldn’t expect you to fall in love with me. I know you’re still in love with Alex.’

‘How do you know that?’ he asked quickly.

‘Because while you were delirious you mentioned her name, several times.’

‘While I was speaking in Italian?’

‘Yes, so I didn’t understand anything you said.’

She reckoned heaven would forgive her the lie. The truth would create an awkwardness that would be a barrier between them for ever.

‘I just heard her name,’ she persisted, ‘and it was very obvious that-well-’

‘Laura-’

‘You can’t marry her, but later you might meet someone you really wanted to marry, and we could get a divorce. So you wouldn’t be trapped for ever.’

He stared at her, then rubbed his eyes.

‘I’m getting lost here. Wouldn’t a divorce make the whole thing pointless?’

‘No, because you’d only divorce me, not Nikki. When we were married she could take your name so that she’d feel she was your daughter, which is what she wants. And then she’d always be yours. You wouldn’t desert her as Steve did, so even if we divorced she’d still have a father.’

‘Good grief, Laura!’ he protested. ‘We haven’t agreed to the marriage yet and you’re already planning our divorce. Have you chosen my next wife as well?’

‘I know it may sound a little strange,’ she said hurriedly.

‘A little-?’

‘But I want you to understand that I’d do all I could to make it easy on you.’

‘But like I said before, everyone gains-except you.’

‘But I would gain, don’t you see? If Nikki has a father who isn’t ashamed of her, that’ll mean all the world to her and that would mean all the world to me. Not gain? I’d gain everything I want.’

He was silent a moment.

‘What about Steve?’ he asked at last.

‘Who’s Steve? He’s over. He doesn’t matter.’

‘And suppose there’s no divorce and I insist on staying married to you for years? That’s your whole life taken up; many years ahead, and Nikki will have gone out into the world.’

‘But how she faces the world will be decided now, and that’s where you come in.’ She gave a light laugh. ‘And if I’m stuck with you for years, well, I’ll just have to put up with it.’

‘Me and my bad temper-’

‘Yeah, right.’

‘I may go out chasing women every night.’

‘You’re welcome, as long as you’re there when Nikki comes in from school. And if you want to be away overnight that’s fine too, as long as we agree a good cover story to tell her, and-’

‘Laura, for pity’s sake!’ he exclaimed, half laughing, half annoyed. ‘A nice idea you have of me!’

‘No, I think only the best of you, but I want you to know that there are no chains.’

‘But if I’m taking on the responsibility of a wife and child, then perhaps there should be a few chains?’ he asked quietly.

‘You’re right,’ she said with a sigh. ‘Of course there’d be chains, whatever I said. I was deluding myself and trying to delude you. Oh, Gino, what was I thinking of? Please forget I said anything. It’s time I was on my way.’

‘Not so fast,’ he said, holding onto her hand so that she couldn’t move. ‘You haven’t had my answer yet.’

‘There’s no need for an answer,’ she said hurriedly, ‘because I’ve withdrawn the question. In fact, I never asked it.’

‘That’s a pity, because I was going to say yes.’

‘Look, I’d better-what did you say?’

Gino spoke in a voice that was suddenly firm. ‘I said yes. I think we should get married as soon as possible.’