Graceful Waters

FOUR MONTHS

“Ten hut!” Carey shouted. "All right, girls, it's pretty hot today, isn't it?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

"I bet you'd love it if we didn't have a run today, right?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

"We have a surprise for you girls today," she said, waving her hand to signal the other instructors. "For those of you who think only in terms of Schedule A and Schedule B, today is the fourth of July. For some reason the state doesn't think giving us a box of explosives is such a good idea, but hopefully what we have planned will make up for the lack of fireworks." Donaldson, Gage and Mitchell wheeled out large canvas bins, parking one in front of each of their squads, then headed back behind the building, returning a minute later with the last bin which they put in front of Bravo Squad. Carey made a show of wiping her brow. "Boy, it's really hot. Think we should do calisthenics?"

"No, ma'am!"

"But we need to get your PT in somehow," she said. "Well, I guess we'll have to do something different. Alpha and Bravo Squads, line up at opposite ends of the formation area facing each other. Charlie and Delta Squads, I suggest you move back...way back."

The girls took position and Instructor Gage stood between them. "Here's the rules. When the whistle blows, get your ammunition and fire. Direct hit and you're out. Ready?" Gage backed up out of range, then blew her whistle. "Go!" The girls ran for the bins, squealing with delight when they saw what their ammunition was. Red and blue water balloons went flying. The instructors scrambled to avoid being hit while calling out those who were soaked enough to be called out. They were only partially successful since a few were "accidentally" thrown at them. "Campbell, Rosetti, you're out," Carey called just before a balloon exploded against her back. Turning to see who the Culprit was, she found a horrified Grace looking back at her.

"It was an accident, ma'am," Grace said, dodging a red balloon aimed at her.

"It's all right, Waters," she said as the teen started heading back to the bin to get more balloons. "We have a little surprise for you later."

Bravo Squad won the first round while Delta defeated Charlie in their battle. Instructors Donaldson and Mitchell wheeled out two new bins, this time filled with large water balloons. "First one to empty their bin wins," Gage said, blowing her whistle. Since it was hard to reach the bottom of the bin, Bravo Squad took the rules to the letter and hoisted Latisha into the bin. What balloons she didn't break with her feet were handed to the others to throw at Delta Squad, allowing Bravo to handily defeat their opponents.

"All right," Jan said, giving Grace a high five. Together they helped Latisha out of the bin. "Girl, you are soaked."

"You think I am? Take a look at Scary."

"Damn, talk about the high beams being on," Jan said, causing Grace to turn her head and look across the formation area to where the instructors were standing. Carey's top was completely soaked, her sport bra and nipples visible even from the distance.

"Earth to Grace."

"Huh?"

"What planet are you on?" Jan asked, wringing the bottom of her shirt then tucking it back into her shorts. "Come on, Charlie still has some balloons left."

"Uh, yeah sure," Grace said, tearing her eyes away from Carey, or rather, Carey's bosom. Please let there be more water games later. She took two steps before she was pelted in the side of the head with one of the small water bombs. "Damn!" There was nothing gentle about the toss

and she only had to turn her head to see the culprit standing less than ten feet away. "You are such an asshole, Grenner."

"What's the matter, Scary's bitch can't take a little water?"

"Walk away," Latisha said, grabbing Grace's arm.

"Come on, Grace," Jan said. "Don't let her ruin our fun."

Grace allowed herself to be led away but not before giving Lauren Grenner a murderous look. "Someone should slap that bitch silly," she grumbled.

"Yeah but not you," Jan said, putting her hands on Grace's shoulders and pushing her away from the possible confrontation. "Come on, it seems like it's gonna be an easy day today. I don't want anything to screw it up."

Since Bravo Squad won, they got to sit back while the losing squads collected all the broken balloon bits and put them in the trash. "Don't split those shorts, Dawson," Jan said.

"Obviously she decided to skip the undies today," Grace said.

"Damn," Latisha chimed in. "Can she get it any deeper in the crack?"

"Gonna take her an hour to dig them out," Grace said, hugging her arms around her knees and enjoying the summer sun. "Look how tan I'm getting."

"Never get as tan as me," Latisha said, holding her dark brown arm against Grace's. "So what do you think is next?"

"No idea," Grace said. "Oh, look. There goes Viking and Mitchell."

"Think it's another balloon fight?" Campbell asked from behind Grace.

"Doubt it," Jan said. "Hey, what's that?"

"Sounds like an engine," Grace said. "Like a tractor."

"Bravo Squad," Carey called as she approached. The girls rose to their feet. "Bowen, Campbell, go man the hose." As she spoke, the tractor they had heard appeared, towing behind it a wooden dunking booth. "Jones, Rosetti, go to the supply shed and get the bucket of softballs just inside the door." She tossed a large piece of colored chalk at Grace. "Waters, once the booth is in place, count off twenty paces and draw a thick line. Bowen, no goofing around with that hose. You put it in the tank and you fill it, nothing else."

"Yes, ma'am," Jan said as she and Campbell headed for the side of the building where the hose was located. The hose was powerful but it still took a while to fill the tank, during which the sun helped dry most of the girls' shirts and shorts, though the sneakers continued to squish as the girls ran around.

"All right, squad formation facing the booth," Carey said. "Yes, I think you can all figure out what that is. Now here's how it's going to work. Your squad's instructor will go up and each member of the squad will get two chances-to dunk her." Cheers went up through the group. "You think it's that easy?" Her lips curled into a devilish grin that Grace recognized immediately. "You'll be read one trivia question. You get it right, you get a shot. Get it wrong, you're the one that gets wet. All right, since Bravo Squad won the balloon fight, they go first." Carey took off her hat and mirrored sunglasses, handing them to Instructor Gage as she passed. "Bravo Squad, line up and take your best shot." Carey removed her sneakers and socks, then climbed up the ladder and swung herself onto the short bench above the tank.

"Oh let me go first," Grace said to the others as they huddled near the chalk mark.

"No way," Hathaway said. "I got three hits from her this week. I'm going first." She grabbed a softball from the basket, then walked up to the chalk line.

Instructor Donaldson stood near the booth, holding several index cards. "Name the capital of Maine."

Hathaway wiggled her glasses and assumed a pitcher's stance. "Augusta, ma'am."

"Fire away," Donaldson said.

"Come on, Mo. Dunk her," Jan said as she and the others clapped in encouragement. Hathaway took aim, then threw the softball.

Unfortunately it was high, missing the target and bouncing harmlessly against the wooden frame. Before the teen could react, Instructor Mitchell was there with a bucket of cold water, her aim much better than Mo's.

"Oh! Oh, that's cold!" Hathaway sputtered, pushing her drenched hair out of her face.

"That's what you get for throwing like a girl," Carey taunted from her perch.

"Please let me go next," Grace said. "I made JV softball as a freshman. I know I can hit her."

"Let her go before she has a frigging heart attack," Jan said. Grace ran up to the mark.

"Waters," Donaldson said. "Capital of California."

"Um...Los Angeles, ma'am."

"Sacramento," Donaldson said as Grace was soaked by Mitchell. "That should cool you off," Carey said, waving her legs and smiling broadly.

"Hey, Grace, your village called. Their idiot is missing," Campbell said.

"Yeah yeah," Grace said, handing the softball to Latisha. "And there's a ventriloquist missing his dummy."

"Jones, alphabetically, which state capital comes first?"

"Boston, ma'am."

"Albany." Mitchell's aim was true, drenching Latisha. Some got their answers right but their aim failed to hit the center of the bull's-eye. Campbell came closest, her ball pinging off the edge of the metal target. Carey continued to tease and taunt her squad while sitting high and dry on the bench.

"Did you plug your brain in this time, Waters?"

"Yes, ma'am," Grace said, bouncing the softball in her hand. "Waters, name…" Donaldson stopped and looked at Carey. "She's gonna get this one," she said. "Waters, which state boasts the highest latitude?"

Grace looked directly at Carey. "Alaska, ma'am," she said, causing Instructor Mitchell to pause with the bucket.

"I knew you'd get one right sooner or later," Carey said. "Now let's see how good your aim is."

Grace tossed the ball back and forth between her hands. "Oh, I have very good aim, Instructor Carey." She focused on the red bull's-eye, took her position, and fired. The metal target moved back, causing the bench to collapse and Carey to fall into the tank while the girls cheered. Grinning from ear to ear, Grace turned and bowed at her friends. "Thank you, thank you," she said, looking back to see Carey standing up and wiping her face. "I told you I had good aim, ma'am."

Carey reached up and reset the bench. "Yes you did, Waters." She climbed the ladder, water running from the back of her shorts. "Don't you worry, we get our revenge later."

Grace stood to the side as the others took their remaining shots, her eyes focused on the soaked woman. Guess that's why guys like wet tee shirt contests, she thought, wishing Carey hadn't worn her sports bra.

The dunking booth kept the group busy until lunch, when the girls were happy to be told that they could attend in their PT clothes instead of changing into their dress uniforms.

"All right, this should be a snap for all you big mouths," Carey said, holding a bushel of apples on her shoulder. "You have sixty seconds to get an apple for your squad. Did I mention just to make things a little more interesting, you'll be blindfolded? Now be careful, we don't want

any of you to drown." Once Gage had the bucket filled with water, Carey leaned over and dumped the apples. "Alpha Squad, line up."

"Well, look who's going first," Grace muttered to Jan as Lauren Grenner knelt down in front of the bucket.

"Figures," Jan said. "Talk about big mouths."

"Look at her go," Grace said. "What's she gonna do? Drink all the water?"

"Naw." Jan bumped her. "She's just trying to get her weekly bath in."

"And time," Instructor Gage said, tapping Grenner on the shoulder.

"Next."

"Dumb ass couldn't even get an apple," Grace said.

"The trick is to suck against it, then bite," Jan said. "If you just try to bite it, it'll move out of the way. Look, that toadie Dawson is trying now."

"No way," Grace said. Being careful not to be overheard by the instructors, they passed the time picking on and gossiping about the girls of Alpha Squad.

"All right, that's five apples for Alpha Squad," Carey said. "Bravo Squad, line up."

"I'm going first," Jan said, moving to the front of the line. She knelt down, waited to be blindfolded, then dunked down and snared an apple on the first try. Grace and the others cheered and clapped, hoping their turns went as well. "Next."

"Go on, Grace," Latisha said, giving her friend a shove.

"Come on, who's next?" Carey asked.

"I guess I am, ma'am," Grace said, walking over to the bucket and kneeling down.

"Good luck," Carey whispered as she tied the blindfold. "Ready?"

Only three of the six members of Bravo Squad that had gone before her were able to secure apples and Grace felt pressure not to let Alpha Squad get the best of them. When the whistle blew, she dove in head first, careful to keep her arms out of the water per the rules. She tried to sink her teeth into the apple but it moved, forcing her to quickly find another. Come on, come on. Time's running out. She picked her head up, took a deep breath, then plunged in again, not stopping until she had an apple pinned against the bottom of the bucket. Grace bit down, made sure she had a firm grip, then stood up quickly, proudly showing off the apple in her mouth.

"Thanks a lot," Carey said as she wiped the water off her face. Grace let the apple drop into her hand and tried not to smirk as she saw just how much water had been splashed on the instructor. She dared to take a quick glance. Yup, got them too. "Sorry about that, ma'am," she said, not meaning it a bit.

"That's four apples so far for Bravo Squad," Carey said, running her fingers through her short black hair and flicking off the excess water. "Next."

"Great job," Jan said, pulling Grace away from the instructor. "Good job nailing Scary too," she added in a whisper. "You should have seen the look on her face when you came up and soaked her."

Grace now allowed herself to chuckle. "Yeah," she said. "Carey looked like a drowned rat."

"Yeah, you got her good," Jan said. "Hey, it's Mo's turn."

Grace took a bite of her apple, peeking over the top of it to watch Carey bend over and add more apples to the bucket. Nice ass.

"Earth to Grace,"

"Huh, what?"

Jan shook her head. "You spaced out there for a sec."

"Sorry, got lost in thought," Grace said. She turned so she could no longer see Carey. "What'd you say?"

"I said if Mo gets this then we're tied with Alpha Squad." They heard the whistle and saw a soaked and disappointed Mo stand up. "That's it," Jan said. "Rosetti's our last chance to tie." She prodded Grace with her elbow. "Of course if anyone knows about sucking, it'd be her."

"Yeah," Grace said, daring to pivot and gaze at Carey again. Damn, she's nice to look at.

The whistle blew and seconds later Rosetti pulled her head back, proudly displaying a large red apple between her lips. "Told ya," Jan said.

"Uh-huh."

"Now we just have to hope that Charlie and Delta don't get more than five."

"Uh-huh."

"If it's a tie, we'll probably have some kind of sudden death thing."

"Uh-huh."

"Your ass is on fire."

"Uh-huh."

Jan nudged her hard. "What are you looking at?"

"What? Oh, nothing." She put her back to Carey. "Yeah, we're tied with Alpha Squad."

"Did you get water in your ears or something?" Jan asked. "If you did, I think it leaked into your brain."

“It's the heat," Grace said, wiping her brow for emphasis. Yeah, it's heat all right. “Maybe they'll let us take the shortcut to the lake and go swimming." That thought generated more images of Carey soaking wet, only adding to the emotions heightened by teenage hormones. I hope she's working the late tour tonight. I need some time alone.

"Maybe they will," Jan said, oblivious to her friend's plight. "I love playing Tarzan with that rope."

"You love hitting the water like a cannonball and splashing everybody," Grace said, tossing her apple core in the nearby trash can.

"Not everybody," Jan said. "I didn't mean to soak Viking. She took that chance when she decided to sun herself on that rock."

"You're the one that had to do the pushups," Grace pointed out. ''Not her." They bantered back and forth until Delta Squad managed to pull seven apples from the bucket, winning the event. Then it was time to line up for the next activity, which, much to Grace's joy, was a trip to the lake. She began heading up the hill with the others when a firm voice made her stop.

"Waters, ten hut."

Grace stood still, watching the other girls walking past her, curious looks on their faces. What did I do? she wondered while waiting nervously for Carey to reach her.

"Did I tell you earlier that I would get my revenge later?" the instructor said from just behind her. "Guess what?" Grace felt the neck of her shirt being pulled back. "It's later." An extremely cold water balloon slid between her shirt and skin.

"Oh! Oh that's cold," she yelped but before she could pull her shirt free from her shorts, a well-aimed smack caused the balloon to burst. "Hey!"

"Watch your mouth," Carey warned through her laughter as Grace danced around in a futile attempt to escape the cold water. "Pretty cold, hmm?"

Grace glared at her and pulled her shirt free, wringing as much water as she could. "Yes, ma'am."

“It should be," Carey said as they continued up the hill. "I put it in the freezer to help get just the right chill."

"That is so mean, ma'am."

"And you absolutely deserve it," Carey said. "Don't forget who soaked whom in the apple-dunking contest."

Grace grinned broadly. "I got you good too, but it was an accident, ma'am."

"It may have been an accident but I saw the look on your face when you realized what happened." They crested the hill, meeting the main- trail near the three-mile marker. "Besides, you look like you needed cooling off."

"But we're going to the lake," Grace said. "Ma'am."

"I don't think the lake is as cold as that water balloon," Carey said. "And it was much more satisfying than tossing you in the lake would have been."

Carey had been right about the lake. Except in the shadiest of places, the water was warm from the sun. Grace chose to head for a shady area away from the noise and splashing of others. There, floating on her back with her eyes closed, Grace allowed the gently rocking water to lull her into a light doze. She had no idea how much time passed as she enjoyed the lazy summer day, and would have basked longer under the warm summer sun if a sudden splash of water had not woken her up. Opening her eyes, she found herself face to face with a grinning Carey. "This isn't nap time, Grace."

After a quick look to make sure no one was watching, the teen returned a splash to Carey. "Sure felt like it. I was dozing nicely until someone decided to bother me." She tapped her chin with her finger. "Gee, I wonder who that could be."

“You looked so peaceful," Carey said as she treaded water. "Besides, you were starting to float away and I didn't want you to wake up on the north end of the lake and have to swim back."

Grace looked around, surprised by how far she had drifted from where she first closed her eyes. "Must have been the Z-burger at lunch."

Carey pointed toward the shore and the two began swimming. "I'd buy that if you actually had a Z-burger for lunch, but I saw you inhale three hot dogs, not to mention several handfuls of potato chips. I'm surprised you didn't sink to the bottom."

"I'm a growing teenager," Grace said. "I've probably burned all that off by now."

“You think so?" Carey paused long enough to send a friendly splash Grace's way. "Try eating like that when you're twenty. It'll go right to your hips."

Putting a little more distance between them, Grace readied herself. "Oh, is that what happened to you?"

"What? Why you little..." Carey pounced, catching the backpedaling teen easily.

"Kidding, I was kidding," Grace protested through her laughter as she found herself hoisted out of the water, then sent backward into the shallow depths. She took in water but before she could orient herself, she was pulled back up to the surface.

"Easy now," Carey said, holding her upright as Grace coughed out the lake water. "You're supposed to keep your mouth shut when you go underwater."

"I do when I know I'm going under," Grace said, very aware of the warm body pressed against her own. Oh, dunk me anytime if it means I get this afterward. "I didn't think you'd catch me."

"You all right now?"

"Yeah," Grace said reluctantly, moving away from Carey but not before she managed to brush her calf against the outside of the older woman's thigh. Soft. The water lapped at her breastbone as she stood up and ran her fingers through her short blonde hair.

"I can't believe you thought you could outrun me," Carey said.

"You got lucky," Grace taunted, slapping a little water at her mentor.

"Bet you couldn't do it again." Please, do it again.

"Oh no?" Carey approached with comical menace, arms raised and fingers curled like talons. "Get ready to kiss the fishies, Waters."

Closer, closer. Grace dipped her hands under the water and waited until Carey was almost on top of her before scooping up a wave right into the older woman's face. "Hah! Gotcha," she said as she made a halfhearted attempt to escape. Carey caught her easily, sending Grace underwater. This time the teen was prepared, moving quickly to plant her

feet and hook her arms around Carey's leg. Oh yes, very soft. One good tug sent the instructor off balance, then a retaliatory move put Grace in the same position. When they surfaced, it was only to start a flurry of splashes at each other that continued until Grace held up her hands and surrendered. "I give up," she said, putting up with several more spatters of water before Carey stopped and grinned victoriously.

"Wuss," Carey said. "I was just getting warmed up." She wiped the water from her face, then combed her hair with her fingers. "Try not to float off anywhere. It'll be time to go back soon."

"Are you getting out now?"

Carey nodded. "I want to dry out a bit."

"Yeah, it's a good time to head in," Grace agreed and together they sloshed through the water toward the shore. "So what's next?"

"It's getting close to dinner time so we'll be letting everyone go get dried off and changed," Carey said. "Then it's free time until lights out."

"What do you want me to do with my wet clothes?" Grace asked. "I can hang them in the shower or over the porch rail to dry."

"I don't want you to do that," Carey said. "I suppose you'll never get near the dryers with all the other girls trying to take care of their clothes. Use my dryer."

"Yes, ma'am," Grace said, realizing they were now within earshot of others.

"And clean the lint trap."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Run your clothes through the washer first."

"Yes, ma'am." Grace looked straight ahead to keep from rolling her eyes.

"And don't use too much detergent."

"I won't, ma'am."

"Make sure you balance the load or the washer will shake."

Yes, Mother Hen. "Yes, ma'am. I'll do everything right, ma'am."

"All right," Carey said. "I'll trust you." They had almost reached the shore when Instructor Donaldson approached.

"Instructor Carey, may I speak with you for a minute?"

"Sure," Carey said

Grace took the cue. "Um, I have to get my sneakers, ma'am."

"Make sure you wear them," Carey said. "I don't want you getting any splinters."

"Yes, ma'am." Grace quickly walked away, hoping to avoid another list of dos and don'ts. Her mild annoyance was rapidly replaced by quite a different feeling. She played with me. Unable to contain it, the teen smiled happily as she sat down and pulled on her sneakers. I bet she didn't spend time like that with anyone else. The smile remained with her throughout the walk back to the cabin.

"Your favorite time of the day," Carey said as she unlocked her office. "So what should we talk about for forty-five minutes?"

"I aced my paper for English, ma'am," Grace said.

"Good," Carey said as she tossed her cap on the hook and took her usual seat behind the desk. "I knew you would. Let's see, that took ten seconds. What else do you want to talk about?"

Grace shrugged. "I don't know, ma'am."

Carey leaned back in her chair. "One of these days you're going to surprise me and actually want to talk about something," she said. "I just hope I don't have a heart attack from the shock." She picked up an envelope from the top of her desk. "Here. You have mail," she said, handing Grace the envelope. "I thought you would want to open it."

"Is it my test scores?" Grace asked, tearing it open at the perforation.

"I would think so," Carey said, ignoring the slip. "Come on, let's see how you did."

Once the three sides of the envelope were tom off, Grace hesitated. "What if I didn't do good, ma'am?"

"Do well," Carey corrected. "I've told you before, as long as you do your best, that's all that matters. You can always take it again." She rose from her seat and walked around the desk, leaning against it so she was facing the teen. "Open it."

Grace looked at the scores. "Seven twenty on the verbal, seven sixty on the math, ma'am."

"You're kidding," Carey said, taking the paper to look at it. "A fourteen eighty combined? That's fantastic."

"Is it, ma'am?"

Carey smiled and handed back the paper. "Yes," she said. “That and your GED will get you into college."

"If I passed the GED," Grace said. "Ma'am."

"You passed it," Carey said confidently, pushing off the desk to return to her chair. "You're too smart not to, and you told me yourself that it was an easy test. Right now it's just a matter of waiting for the diploma to arrive."

"Diploma?"

"Three, two..."

"Ma'am."

Carey smiled. "Yes, Grace. A diploma. It is called the General Equivalency Diploma, after all." She took a piece of paper and folded it in half, using it as an example. "The top half is the score and your certificate number and the bottom half is your official diploma from the state." She scribbled a quick note to herself on the paper. "You really didn't know that?"

Grace shook her head. "I didn't think about it. I figured I'd get something like this." She held up the SAT scores. "Does it look like a real diploma?"

"A little smaller, but yes, it looks like a real diploma because it is one," Carey said. "I'll tell your father what size frame to get." She circled the note she had made. "You should be proud of yourself for those SAT scores, Grace. By the way, what happened to ma'am?" She chuckled at the panicked look in the teen's blue eyes. "I suppose getting a fourteen eighty on the SAT earns you a free pass today. Relax." Opening the bottom drawer of her desk, she pulled out Grace's folder. "I need to make a copy of those scores before you can keep them," she said. "I want to put it in your record."

Grace set the paper on the desk. "Thanks. So it's really a good score?"

"Yes," Carey said. "You can thump your chest all you want." She leaned back, resting her left ankle on her right knee. "Are you going to tell your mother about the SAT?" She watched as the light left Grace's face, replaced with the stony tough-girl look the teen got whenever she was trying to protect herself from some inner pain.

"Why bother? She doesn't care."

"I don't think that's true, Grace," she said. "You're her only child."

"So?" The teen crossed her arms. "I'm almost eighteen. I will be by the time I get out of Crestwood. I'm never going back there." Blue eyes focused hard on the paperweight. "Never."

"You don't have to but, for better or worse, she is your mother." Carey said. "You only get one of them." She found herself in the unenviable position of defending a woman she personally disliked. "Grace, I know she's made mistakes."

The teen snorted. "Just a few."

"I don't see a halo over your head," Carey said. "How many times did she have to come pick you up from school because you managed to get yourself suspended? How about the police station?"

"So I'm a lousy daughter," Grace said, still staring at the glass egg. "She should be happy to get rid of me then, right?"

Those walls go up so fast, don't they? "If she was happy to get rid of you she wouldn't have shown up here on the first visitation day," Carey said. "She loves you, Grace. It may be hard to see sometimes but she does." She waited for a response but none came. "Uncross your arms and look at me. You think I don't remember how excited you were that day when you were waiting for her to come? It may be hard to admit it but under all that pain you love her, Grace. Don't look away." She waited for the teen to focus on her again. "You do."

"You want her to get a copy of the scores? Fine, I don't care."

"Watch that tone with me," Carey warned. "I'm not the one you're mad at." Actually at the moment you're probably pretty pissed at me, she thought, seeing the teen glaring at the paperweight. "The decision is yours, Grace. I know you're hurt and angry with her now, but that doesn't mean you have to cut her out of your life."

"I'm not ready to forgive her."

"I know, but someday you will," Carey said. "It's a lot easier to fix a bridge if you don't bum it first." She reached out and took away the paperweight. "Up here, Grace."

There was a long silence before Grace spoke. "I suppose if I saw her I could be civil," she said. "But not if he's with her."

"He won't be," Carey said. "Not here, anyway. But once you're out in the real world that's a problem you're going to have to face."

"No I won't," Grace said. "I’ll just tell her if she wants to see me that she has to leave that jerk somewhere."

"So you're willing to work at fixing your relationship with your mother?"

Grace shrugged. "If she wants to."

"I didn't ask that," Carey said. "I asked if you were willing." Look at those gears turn, she thought as she waited for Grace to answer.

"Yeah, I guess so."

"So you'll send your mother a copy of the SAT scores along with a note telling her she can come visit?"

“Just her," Grace said.

“Just her," Carey repeated. "You know, if your mother and father both came for visitation, it would be an excellent time for a family conference."

"You mean put my mother and father in the same room together?"

Grace shook her head vehemently. "No way."

"Why?"

"Because they'd fight. They can't stand the sight of each other. I don't want to listen to them yelling. I'd rather visit with her for a little while and then spend the rest of the time with Dad."

"Don't rule the idea out completely," Carey said. "A family conference could be very beneficial." There was a quick rapping, then the door swung open.

"We've got a problem," Instructor Gage said from the doorway. Carey knew from her friend's look that it was serious. "Waters, we'll talk later."

"Yes, ma'am."

Waving Sue in, Carey closed Grace's folder as the teen left. "What's going on?"

"Our little saboteur struck again. Broke into the shed and punctured every ball."

Carey sighed and reached for her cap. "And I was hoping it would be a quiet day."

With Carey working late and her homework done, Grace decided to go to the rec room and hang out for a while. She was pleasantly surprised to see Jan playing solitaire at the table. "Hey."

"Hey there," Jan said. "Thought maybe you forgot this place existed."

"I get bored with jigsaw puzzles and checkers," Grace said. "So have you heard anything?"

"Nothing more than the usual," Jan said. "Most think Grenner and her toadie did it, but no one saw them."

"So those bitches get away with it again, right?" Grace picked up a paddle. "You serve."

"Looks like it," Jan said as she retrieved the ping pong ball and the other paddle. "And we suffer with no more basketball, soccer or volleyball."

Grace spun the paddle in her hand. "So what are we supposed to do for PT? Run every day?"

"Unless Scary and Short Shit decide to set up more obstacle courses," Jan said. "Ready? Zero serving zero."

“Oh please no,” Grace said as she returned the serve. "Anything but obstacle courses."

Jan hit the ball hard, grinning when Grace missed it. "My point. Hey, walking piles of shit coming in."

Grace, who had been kneeling down in search of the ping pong ball, glanced at the doorway. Lauren Grenner and Sally Dawson entered while several girls decided the barracks would be a better place to hang out and left. There's gonna be trouble, Grace thought as she tossed the ball to Jan.

"Well look who's here," Grenner said. "If it isn't Scary's bitch."

"Go away, Grenner," Grace said. "Jan, serve."

"Scary must be working night tour tonight," Lauren Grenner continued. "Why else would her little slut have time to hang out here?"

Three more girls left the room. "What's the matter, Waters? You deaf or something?"

Carey will be pissed if I get in a fight. It was that thought that kept Grace from snapping back at Grenner. "Come on, Jan. Let's go," she said, tossing the paddle on the table.

"Hey, bitch, she's talking to you," Dawson said.

"You got something to say, Toadie?" Jan said, moving between Grace and the other two girls. "I'll kick your ass from here to Mohawk and back."

"Stay out of it, Bowen," Grenner said. "Don't you have to give Gage her nightly licking or something?"

"Ignore her," Grace said to Jan. "She's just trying to get us into trouble." She looked to see a handful of girls still in the rec room. They're hoping for a fight, she thought. "Come on, Jan."

"Yeah, these two assholes aren't worth it," Jan said, making a false lunge at Dawson, then smirking when the smaller teen ran behind Grenner for protection. "That's right, Toadie. Hide behind your mistress like a good little fraidy cat."

This isn't going to stop, Grace thought as she walked to the door.

"Oh look," Grenner said. "Scary's little slut is leaving."

"What the hell's your problem?" Grace snapped, turning around and glaring at her adversary. "Why do you always have to start trouble?"

"Ignore her, remember?" Jan whispered as she ushered Grace out the door and down the steps.

"Fucking bitch," Grace hissed, kicking at one of the loose stones lying on the asphalt. "Can't even play a damn game of ping pong without her causing trouble." She heard the rec room door open. "Ah damn."

"Where you going?" Grenner taunted as she and the others came outside. "Gotta hurry back home and get ready for Mistress Scary?"

"Go to hell, Grenner," Grace said, stopping halfway across the paved lot.

Grenner laughed. "Go to hell, Grenner," she mimicked. "Make me, bitch."

Grace heard the doors of the barracks open and knew others were coming to see what they hoped would be a fight. "Naw, you're not worth the effort," she said, glancing around for any sign of an instructor.

"No, come on, you big-mouthed bitch," Grenner said. "You think you can beat me?"

Grace shook her head dismissively and started walking away, trusting Jan to watch her back. "I'm not going to fight you."

"Fucking coward," Grenner snarled. "You don't want to fight me because you know I'll kick your ass."

"I don't want to fight you because you're not worth getting in trouble for," Grace said. "Come on, Jan."

“Yeah, just a fucking coward."

"Ten hut," Instructor Donaldson said as she came around the corner.

"Waters and Bowen, get back here. Someone want to tell me what all the shouting is about?"

"They started it," Dawson said, pointing at Grace and Jan. "We didn't do nothing, ma'am."

The blonde instructor shook her head. "I believe that as much as I believe little green men live on Mars. Jones, what happened?”

"I don't know, ma'am," Latisha said. "I was in the barracks."

"Bowen?"

"Grace and I were playing ping pong when those two came in and started making trouble," Jan said. "We left to avoid a fight and they followed us out, ma'am."

"Waters?"

"Yes, ma'am," Grace said. "Just like Jan said, ma'am."

Donaldson looked at Grenner and Dawson. "And if I asked you two I'd get a completely different version, right?"

"We just went in to play a game and they started harassing us, ma'am," Grenner said, doing her best to look innocent.

"And so when they left the situation you just had to come out after them, right?" the blonde instructor asked. "You two are on restriction until Sunday. Bowen and Waters, you two were headed somewhere so get going. As for the rest of you, I think twenty pushups should help remind you that proper young ladies don't cluster around like a bunch of hooligans hoping for a fight. Now drop!"

Together Jan and Grace walked toward the trail that led to the cabins.

"How the hell did we get away without having to do pushups?" Jan asked.

"Guess Viking decided we were telling the truth," Grace said. "And we were walking away rather than getting ready to fight."

"Yeah, there's a switch, eh?" Jan shook her head and gave a little laugh. "This place is getting to me, Grace. Next thing you know I'll be taking tests and trying to get into college too." They stopped, looked at each other, and began laughing. "Not," they said in unison.

"But it is good not to be in trouble," Grace said. "We could be back there doing pushups or even stuck on restriction."

"Short Shit will drop dead of shock," Jan said. "Bet I can get an extra hour of TV out of this."

They stopped where the trail split apart. "Lucky you," Grace said. "Carey's working late tonight but I bet tomorrow I can talk her into playing cards."

"Ooh, fun city," Jan said, taking the left side of the fork. "Night."

"See you tomorrow," Grace said, going to the right and heading for the cabin. It was starting to get dark, the trees becoming nothing more than silhouettes on either side of the trail. How does Carey find her way at night without a flashlight? The cabin came into view, the motion detector turning on the outside light once she was close enough. Wonder how long it'll take Viking to tell Carey what happened. Kneeling down next to the steps, she felt around for the false rock, then retrieved the key hidden within.

Once inside, Grace went to the refrigerator in search of the leftover pork chop Carey had told her earlier she could have. She had just put the plate in the microwave when the phone rang. "Guess it didn't take long," she said as she walked over to the phone. On the fourth ring the answering machine picked up.

"Grace, pick up the phone."

She put the receiver to her ear. "I didn't start it."

"So I've heard."

"I didn't fight," Grace said, leaning against the counter. "I walked away."

"I heard that too. You did well, Grace. I'm proud of you for keeping your cool."

Hearing the approval in Carey's voice, Grace smiled. "Thanks."

"So what are you doing right now?"

"Waiting for the pork chop to heat up. Can I have a soda?"

"May I have a soda, and yes."

Grace made a beeline to the refrigerator. "Thanks."

"Only one, and make sure there's grape left for me."

"You have two left. I'm taking a root beer."

"All right. I’ll be home around nine thirty. Try to leave some food in my fridge."

"I will," Grace said, pressing the cancel button just as the microwave started to beep. "So you're proud of me?"

"Yes, Grace. You saw a situation starting and walked away. You wouldn't have done that a month ago. You acted like a mature young lady instead of a juvenile delinquent."

"Are you very proud of me?"

She heard the chuckle on the other end of the line. "Don't push it. What do you want?"

"Well there are five ice cream bars in the freezer…"

"And I wonder why my grocery bill's jumped twenty bucks a week. One, and you'd better wipe out the microwave this time. I know you didn't put a paper towel over your plate to keep the splatter down."

"Whoops. I forgot."

"Just like you forgot to replace the roll of toilet paper after you used up the last sheet."

"I said I was sorry about that."

"That didn't help me when I was sitting there with nothing to dry myself with. Go eat and I'll see you when I get home." They said their good-byes and Grace hung up the phone.

"I knew you'd be proud of me," she said aloud to herself as she took the plate from the microwave. While it bothered her that Grenner had gotten away with calling her a coward in front of the others, Grace took a certain amount of satisfaction in not being the one on restriction. "Besides," she added with a smirk as she began cutting up her meat. "I'm the one getting soda and ice cream."

The morning sun beat down on the group while Instructor Gage paced back and forth in front of the two squads. "Last chance, girls."

Grace looked around, knowing full well that no one would admit to vandalizing the equipment. She spotted Grenner and Dawson sharing knowing smirks. You want to know who stabbed the basketballs, ask them.

"Fine, if that's the way you want it," Gage said. "Everyone drop for twenty."

Oh great, Grace thought as she hit the ground. Gage woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, didn't she? She glanced over at Jan, who mouthed the letters PMS. Figures. Not bad enough she's pissed about the balls. She's gonna work our asses off and make today suck.

"When you finish those, you can do twenty sit-ups, then stretch and get ready for your morning run," the petite instructor said. "And for those of you that think you can just jog along at a leisurely pace, I'm going to be running at the back of the pack and I expect to see some hustle today." She clapped her hands impatiently. "Let's go, girls. We don't have all day."

"No, just four hours for you to squeeze as much hell in as you can," Grenner said under her breath.

"Did I ask for a commentary, Grenner?" Gage yelled.

"No, ma'am."

"So why did I hear your mouth?"

"Sorry, ma'am."

"You're always sorry, Grenner. Four months and you don't know enough to keep your mouth shut."

Grace smirked as the instructor continued to berate Grenner. Maybe today won't be so bad after all.

Grace was sitting on the couch happily munching on a cookie when Carey entered the cabin. "Hi," the teen said around a mouthful of cookie.

"Hi, Grace," Carey said, kneeling down to unlace her boots. "How many of those have you had?"

"Just two."

"Two or two dozen?"

Grace smiled. "Just two. I'm saving the others for later."

"Others? I said you could have three cookies, so where do you get others?"

"Well...you usually let me have more than three," Grace said hopefully. "And it is a new box."

"There was a time when a box lasted me all week," Carey said, putting her boots neatly next to Grace's sneakers on the newspaper near the door. "You sure you're not related to Cookie Monster?"

Grace pretended to check her skin tone. "Nope, not turning blue yet."

"Could have fooled me," Carey said. "What are you doing there?"

"Working on my goals list.”

"Revising?”

Grace nodded. "Wanna see?"

Carey walked over to the couch. "Move over," she said, settling down on the cushion next to the teen. "You crossed off the question mark next to college."

"Yeah," Grace said. "If I passed the GED, Dad says I should be able to go to a community college." She circled the dollar signs next to the word college. "The only problem is gonna be money."

"You would be surprised how much money is out there for college if you want it," Carey said, patting Grace's shoulder. "Good move. Now you have to decide on your major."

"I have no idea," Grace said. "I'm good at math and figuring things out, but I can't imagine what kind of job I want to do for the rest of my life."

"So that's something you need to look at," Carey said. "I'll see if I can get hold of a college catalog. That will show you what careers are available and what courses are needed to get that degree. It might help."

"It would at least give me ideas," Grace said, closing her notebook. "I can't think anymore."

"You've had a big surprise today," Carey said. "Oh, speaking of surprises, I have one for you."

"You do?" Grace's eyes lit up. "What?"

"You clean up this mess," she said, pointing at the paper napkin covered with cookie crumbs. "I'll go get it. Don't get too excited. It's not as wonderful as you think." Carey went into the bedroom and retrieved the package that had arrived the day before. "You remember Mrs. Hamlin?"

"My math teacher?"

"That's the one," Carey said, entering the living room. "Since you've done as much as you can with the math books we have, she sent this for you."

Grace opened the brown paper wrapper. "She sent me a math book?"

"Trigonometry," Carey said. "Give you a head start for college. After all, we can't have you doing nothing during math period."

"I can think of a few things to do," Grace grumped good-naturedly. "Thanks."

"A letter thanking Mrs. Hamlin would be good too," Carey said.

"I'll write it tomorrow," Grace said just as the phone started to ring. Carey looked at the clock on the wall. "I wonder who that could be?"

She stepped into the kitchen and picked up the receiver. "Hello?" Grace flipped the pages of her new math book, trying not to listen to the phone call. Unfortunately, she was curious and it was too easy to hear each word. "...thought you two were happy together." Whoever it was, Carey didn't seem to be too pleased as the older woman began pacing in the kitchen. "That's not really any of your business." Grace made sure to keep her eyes on her book. "Now isn't a good time. Because we're in session, that's why and even if we weren't, I don't think it would be a good idea." Grace heard the refrigerator open, then slam shut. "Eve, I'm not interested. No. No. I don't care." There was a silence on Carey's end while the other woman spoke, then the instructor exploded. "Well if I'm so damn controlling, then why are you calling me after all this time?" Grace winced when she heard something come down hard on the counter, guessing it to be the angry woman's fist. "I know, I know, it's all my fault. The fact that you came home pregnant had nothing to do with it, right?"

Oh, I should not hear any more. Grace grabbed her sneakers. As she headed out the front door, she heard Carey say "...and you want to talk about fair?" Grace closed the door and sat down on the wooden steps. It was clearly a private conversation that she should not have been listening to, but still she could not stop from replaying the snippets of the conversation. It took little to add up the pieces, especially when she added in the way her mentor reacted to Eve's call. Even from outside she could hear the force in which Carey hung up the phone. She is so pissed. I'm waiting right here until she cools off.

Several minutes later, the door opened. "You can come back in now” Carey said, leaving the door open and walking to her recliner. Grace went in and sat on the couch, unsure what to say, or if she should say anything at all. Even with the shadows cast by the lamp, she could see the hint of red rimming Carey's eyes. She made you cry? I didn’t think anything would make you cry. Carey put the footrest up and rubbed her temple. "How much did you hear?"

"I tried not to," Grace said. "I left when you said something about being fair."

"Wonderful," Carey said, letting out a long breath of air. "Well, too late to do anything about it now." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Any questions?"

Grace thought carefully before answering. "Are you okay?"

Carey's head popped up, brown eyes locking with hers. "That's not what I thought you'd ask," she said.

"The other stuff doesn't matter," Grace said. "You seemed pretty upset."

"It was an unexpected call," Carey said, leaning her head back against the cushion. "If I had realized who it was, I would have let the machine get it."

“I won’t say anything," Grace said. "I swear."

"About what?" Carey asked, her lip turning up in a half smile. "About the phone call, or what you learned about me?"

"Both," Grace said. "It'll be like I didn't hear anything."

Carey smiled. "I doubt that, Grace. You heard, whether I like it or not." She rubbed her forehead again. "What the hell, I guess. You girls probably figure I am anyway."

"Actually everyone thinks Viking, I mean Instructor Donaldson, is," Grace said, her eyes widening when she realized what she'd said.

Carey smiled. "Viking, huh? Fits. She's straight, though."

"You, we weren't sure about," Grace said. "Some think you are and some think you aren't."

"We don't keep you girls busy enough, do we?" Carey said. "I don't even want to know how much of your day is spent trying to figure out the sex lives of your instructors. It's probably better than talking about going to kennels looking for dates." Grace colored and looked down.

"It was just talk," the teen said.

"I know what it was," Carey said. "And I know how easy it is to let loose a juicy piece of gossip."

Grace looked up quickly. "No," she said. "It's your business, not theirs." She looked down. "Not mine, either. I'm sorry I didn't leave as soon as I realized it was a personal call."

"And just when was that?"

"When you began pacing and slammed the fridge," Grace admitted. "You don't usually do that, no matter how mad you get. Instructor Gage is the pacer."

"Everyone has buttons," Carey said, resting her elbows on the armrests and lacing her fingers together. "So did you think I was or wasn't?"

"I wasn't sure," Grace said. "I thought maybe, but it's not like I could just come out and ask if you were…”

"A lesbian?" Carey offered. "It's okay to say the word, Grace. It doesn't make you one."

"I know that," Grace said hotly. "And how do you know I'm not?"

"I don't," Carey said, pushing the footrest down. "Sex is a subject you manage to avoid quite nicely, even in SR class. You can dance around an answer better than anyone I know, and you remember what happened the last time I pushed you about it." She rose to her feet. "I'm not in the mood to dodge any chairs."

Grace grimaced at the reminder. "I said I was sorry about that."

"You can be sorry all you want," Carey said. "The trick is to learn from your mistakes and not repeat them."

"I promise." She looked at Carey expectantly.

"What?"

"Can I ask you another question?"

"May I, not can I," Carey said. "I won't promise that I'll answer it, but go ahead."

"I don't know who else to ask," Grace said nervously. "You're the only one I know."

"One what?"

"Um…lesbian."

"You haven't been listening to the teenage grapevine," Carey said, settling back down on the recliner.

"I heard," Grace said. "But that's just talk because they went off on that walk together for so long."

"What's your question?"

Grace rubbed her hands together, her eyes focusing on her notebook.

"When did you know? That you were?"

"That's not an easy question to answer, Grace," Carey said. "May I ask why you want to know?"

"You don't have to answer," Grace said. "Forget it."

"There has to be a reason," Carey said. "I always knew I felt different but I didn't accept being gay until I was in my early twenties”

"You didn't want to be?"

"It wasn't a question of wanting to be or not wanting to be," Carey said. "It was more a question of accepting who and what I was."

"I don't understand."

Carey put the footrest down and leaned forward. "It wasn't a choice between being gay and being straight. I'm a lesbian and nothing is going to change that. The hard part for me was acknowledging that fact and dealing with it. Now, why are you asking?"

Grace stared at the coffee table. "You said you felt different...like from the other girls?"

“You're answering a question with a question," Carey pointed out. "When I was a teen the latest boy bands didn't send me swooning. My walls were covered with female rockers. I didn't have too many friends over to see my room."

The grains of the table blurred as Grace let her mind drift back. "The first time I saw a naked woman was in a magazine one of my mother's boyfriends left behind." Her heart began pounding. "I kept it hidden in my room and looked at it all the time. It was my little secret. I...I thought there was something wrong with me." She took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "When I think about sex…I think about it with women."

"How long have you felt this way?"

"Since I was thirteen or so," Grace said. "When I found the magazine and started reading the stories and seeing the pictures." She rubbed her hands together. "When other girls were talking about kissing boys, I was thinking about kissing them."

"Have you had sex with a woman?"

Grace shook her head. "No. My cousin and I showed ourselves to each other once but there wasn't any touching."

"Have you had sex with a man?"

The question caught Grace by surprise, causing her to look up at her mentor. "Uh…”

"Be honest with me," Carey said.

"Yes."

"Intercourse?"

Grace looked down, feeling completely ashamed. "Yes." She heard Carey move from the chair and braced herself. Please don't ask me about it tonight. "Um, I have homework."

"The homework can wait," Carey said, sitting on the cushion next to her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

“No.”

“You can talk to me about anything," Carey said.

"I know."

"Grace, how old were you?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Sixteen? Fifteen? Younger?"

Grace stared at the coffee table. "Fifteen."

"What happened?"

The teen shrugged her shoulders. "Nothing important."

"It affected you," Carey said, her voice understanding and gentle. "It is important."

"Please."

Several seconds passed before she heard Carey let out a deep breath. "All right, Grace. I told you I'm not in the mood to dodge chairs tonight. I'm here if you want to talk."

"Can...may I ask you another question?"

"What?" Carey asked softly.

"Do you think…if I told my dad how I feel…” Grace closed her eyes. "Do you think he'd still love me?" She felt a hand rest gently on her shoulder.

"I think any man that carries that many pictures of his daughter in his wallet will love her no matter what," Carey said. "What do you think?"

Grace swallowed hard. "He told me he'd love me no matter what but he didn't want me to become a porn star or anything like that."

Carey gave a soft snort. "I wouldn't want you to become one either," she said, giving the teen's shoulder a quick squeeze before withdrawing her hand. "He loves you, Grace. I know that."

"Maybe I'll talk to him about it when he comes to visit."

"You should," Carey said. "Your father seems to be a very understanding man. Now, any more questions?"

Grace shook her head. "No, I guess not."

"All right." Carey went back to the recliner.

"Well, not really."

"Grace..." Carey pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. "I've had a really hard day."

"I'm sorry. I just..." She looked up at Carey. "Well, I just wondered if you needed to talk."

"Probably," Carey said. "But it would be entirely inappropriate to do it with you. You know that."

"I know," Grace said. "If you wanted to call someone or something, I could go to the rec room for a while. I'd just need a flashlight to see my way back."

Carey shook her head. "You have homework to do."

Grace rose to her feet. "My homework's done and I don't mind, really."

"Promise you'll stay out of trouble?" Carey asked.

"I swear," Grace said.

Carey rubbed her face and nodded. 'There's a flashlight in the junk drawer."

"Okay." Grace walked into the kitchen. "Do you want the phone?"

"I can get it."

"It's okay. I'm out here already." Grace picked up the phone, noting how loose the base was on the wall. "Um, I think you pulled out the screws."

"I'm sure I did," Carey said. "I'll fix it tomorrow."

Taking the flashlight from the drawer, Grace returned to the living room and handed the phone to Carey, their fingers briefly touching. "Here you go," she said. "I'll be back by lights out."

"You don't have to stay away that long," Carey said as she began pressing buttons on the phone.

"I don't mind." Grace looked at the empty spot on the mat, realizing only then that she was still wearing her sneakers. Glad she didn't notice, she thought.

"I'd rather you weren't out that late by yourself. No more than—oh, hi, Mom, hold on." Carey looked at her. "No more than an hour."

"Okay." Grace opened the door and stepped outside, causing the motion sensor to turn on the outside light. She could hear Carey talking on the phone but was unable to make out the words. At least you have someone you can talk to, even if it isn't me. Your mom, huh? She shook her head and turned on the flashlight. Last person I'd talk to about my problems is my mother. She began walking down the path, the light just enough for her to see where she was going. So Carey's a lesbian. She smiled broadly-at the thought. I know what I'll be doing after lights out tonight. Then again, why wait? I'm all alone out here. Nah, with my luck I'd get poison ivy on my ass or something. She grinned devilishly at the thought of lying over Carey's lap while calamine lotion was applied. Oh, it'd be worth it. Then again, she'd probably just send me to the nurse instead and I don't want those cold hands on my ass. She kept walking, toying with the fantasy in her mind until she reached the rec room.

"No, I promised Instructor Carey I'd be back in an hour," Grace said apologetically. "We both have first period free tomorrow. We can have a rematch then."

"You're on, girlfriend," Latisha said, walking with Grace as far as the barracks. "I'll see ya tomorrow."

"Bright and early," Grace said. "You know Gage is doing PT tomorrow."

"She'd better be in a better mood than yesterday," Latisha said. "She needs a Midol sandwich."

Grace chuckled and began walking away. She had barely cleared the asphalt and entered the trail when she heard the crack of a twig. Pretending not to notice, she turned on the flashlight and began walking, listening carefully to the sounds around her. When the person behind her rushed at her, Grace was ready, ducking to the side and tripping her assailant. Grenner. Shining the flashlight in the larger girl's eyes, Grace darted around her and ran up the trail.

"That's right, run you fucking coward!" Grenner's voice echoed in the darkness. "You know I'll kick your ass if I catch you."

Shutting off the flashlight, Grace stood still and listened for any sound of pursuit. You're out of your mind if you think I'm going to get into a fight with you tonight. Carey has enough on her mind. Confident she was alone, she turned the light back on and made her way to the cabin.

When she entered the cabin Grace was surprised not to see Carey in either the living room or kitchen. "Carey?"

"Be out in a minute," the older woman said from the bedroom. "Okay." Grace took off her sneakers and set them by the door, then went to her footlocker and pulled out her sleeping shorts and shirt. Tossing the clothes on the couch, she unbuttoned her shirt and was just removing it when the bedroom door opened and Carey stepped out.

"Did you have fun?"

Grace held her hand out and wiggled it. "Ah, I beat Latisha in ping pong but other than that it was pretty boring."

"What happened to your shirt?"

"Huh?"

Carey took the shirt from Grace's hand and showed her the stain near the left shoulder, brushing off some of the loose dirt. "What happened?"

"I tripped?"

Sighing, Carey pointed at the floor. "Drop."

Damn. Walking over to the empty space between the living room and kitchen, Grace lowered herself to the floor and began doing pushups. As she did, she watched Carey take the soiled shirt into the kitchen. "How many?"

"Ten, then you can come here and tell me the truth," her mentor said. "You know you're very hard on your clothes?"

"I don't mean to be." Doing the last two pushups, she stood up. "Oh, I can take care of it," she said when she saw Carey pre-treating the dirt stain.

"You can finish getting changed," Carey said. "Right after you tell me what really happened."

"I was coming back from the rec room and Grenner jumped me," she said. "I tripped her and ran away. That's all."

"That's all? Did you two exchange blows?"

"No. She tried to get me from behind and I tripped her. Once she was on the ground I took off." Seeing that Carey had her back to her. Grace quickly peeled off her undershirt and bra, replacing them with the white tee shirt used for sleeping. "Please don't say anything."

"She attacked you and you don't want me to do anything about it?" Carey asked as she put the shirt in the washer.

"If you do then she'll know I told you," Grace said.

"And you don't want to be a snitch, right?" Carey shook her head.

"You sure you're not hurt?"

"I'm fine," she said as she unbuckled her belt and reached for the zipper. "Can I put the rest of these in too since you're doing that one?"

Carey turned around, realized what Grace was doing, and turned away again. "I wish you'd change in the bathroom or at least warn me."

"You told me to get changed," Grace said. "Besides, you were doing that."

"Just hurry up and get finished," Carey said, keeping her back to the teen while retrieving a soda from the refrigerator. Grace quickly stripped and put on her shorts, then brought her dirty clothes into the kitchen.

"So is it okay to put these in too?" she asked.

"Of course," Carey said, settling down at the kitchen table. "So if it wasn't your fault, why did you try to hide what happened?"

Grace shrugged and put the clothes in the washer. "I didn't want to upset you. You had enough on your mind."

Carey took a sip of soda, then nodded. "I appreciate that, but you still should have just come out and told me."

"Sorry."

"You're the one that had to the do the pushups," Carey said.

"It's okay, I haven't had to do them in a while." Grace flexed her arms. "I can handle ten easy now." She started the washer, then joined Carey at the table. "Please don't do anything about it."

"I hate the idea of her getting away with it," Carey said. "You promise me you won't do anything to try and get revenge on her. You want me to let it go, you have to let it go as well."

"I promise," Grace said.

Carey rubbed her face. "What a day."

"Is there anything I can do?" Grace asked.

"You already did," Carey said. "My mother says I don't call her often enough." She had some more of her soda, then wiggled the can. "You may have one."

"Thanks," Grace said.

Carey rose from her seat. "Relax, I'll get it." As she passed, she reached out and patted Grace's shoulder. "Thank you, by the way, for earlier. I really needed that time. Cola or orange?"

"Orange. So your mom knows about you and she's okay with it'?"

Carey removed the can from the refrigerator and handed it to Grace. "Yes. She's always been supportive of me, no matter what I did."

"Must be nice," Grace said as she opened the can. "I wish I had a mom like that."

"My mother's not perfect," Carey said as she sat down. "No mother is. We just have to make the best with what we have."

"Easy for you to say."

"Your mother really does love you, Grace. It's just that some people have a hard time showing it."

"She wants me to be perfect and I've disappointed her. I think if I told her about this it would be the last straw."

Carey reached over and squeezed her shoulder. "She might surprise you if you give her a chance."

"You don't understand. I gave her a chance. I told her something really important and she didn't believe me. I love her, but when I needed her..." Grace shook her head. "Never mind. It doesn't matter anyway."

"I think it matters more than you want to let on."

Grace shrugged her shoulders. "I'm just not ready to forgive her yet, and I don't want to talk about it anymore."

Carey gave her shoulder a final squeeze. "Just remember I'm here if you ever want to talk."

"Hey," Grace said when she felt Jan bump casually against her. "Feel like cards?"

"No," Grace said, her eyes still on the entrance to Sapling Hill. "I bet he gets here early."

"Your dad?"

Grace nodded. "I'm gonna show him the A I got on that English paper and my SAT scores." Her eyes lit up at the sight of the red rental car. "There he is. See ya later." She ran out of the rec room and raced for the administration building, determined to be waiting at the door for him. When the car stopped, however, Grace could no longer contain herself and ran across the parking lot, meeting him just as he was stepping from the car. "I knew you'd come," she said as she hugged him.

"I told you I would," he said. "I brought the photos like you asked."

"That's great," she said as they started to head toward the administration building. "I can't wait to..." She left her sentence unfinished as a familiar figure walked through the front gate. "I didn't think she'd come."

"Your mother's changed a bit, hasn't she?" he said, seeing his ex-wife for the first time in over a decade.

"Yeah," Grace said. "In the ass."

"Graceful, that's not nice," he admonished. "I've put on a few pounds over the years too."

"I don't want to see her."

"Then tell her that," he said. "You can't just not see her."

"Promise you'll wait?" Grace asked.

"Of course, pumpkin," he said. "Spend some time with your mother if you want or if she wants the three of us to talk, we can do that too."

"Be right back," Grace said, running across the parking lot to where her mother had walked in from the road. "I didn't think you were coming," she said.

Her mother stared in the direction Grace had come from. "Is that...?"

Grace nodded happily. "He came last month too."

"So you've decided to go with your father instead of me?"

Grace crossed her arms. "If that asshole's going to be living with you, yes."

"Have you forgotten that he left us? I'm the one with custody and you'll be coming home to me, not him. And don't talk about Bob that way. He loves us. He wants to make a home for us. Both of us. When you come home, you'll see."

"I'll talk about him any way I want to," Grace said. "Don't defend him to me, Ma."

"He drove me up here," her mother said. "He's parked just down the road waiting for me. Now would he do a thing like that for me if he didn't care about you?"

"Ma! Stop it!" Grace spun away, her anger rising. "I don't want to know where he is, what he's doing, and I sure as hell don't wanna hear about how he feels about me."

"Grace, please don't start a fight," her mother said.

"Why can't you just listen to me?" Grace asked angrily, turning around to face her. "You never listen to me."

"I do listen to you," the older woman said.

"Bullshit!" Grace shouted. "I told you." She clenched her hands into fists. "I told you and you didn't believe me."

"Please don't bring that up again," her mother said. "You know how it upsets me."

"Upsets you?" Grace yelped. "If it upsets you, you wouldn't be with him." She angrily kicked at a stone. "You're not upset about what he did, you get upset because I won't just pretend it didn't happen like you want me to." She stormed toward her mother, causing the older woman to back up and unbeknownst to her, Instructor Donaldson to come running toward them. "Well, it happened, Ma! That son of a bitch came into my room and raped me and you let him get away with it. Are you listening to me now?"

"Waters," the blonde instructor said as she approached.

Grace felt a firm hand land on her shoulder but jerked free. "You want to be with him? Then go." She pointed at the gate. "Be with a son of a bitch that has a thing for little girls. I hope you're real fucking happy."

"Grace, please don't be like this," her mother said, dabbing her eyes.

"Like what?" Grace shouted, taking yet another step toward her mother. "Like someone who won't go back to that hellhole?" Her eyes narrowed. "Never! Do you hear me? Never!"

"Waters!" Donaldson's sharp bark snapped Grace back to the moment. Looking down at her clenched fists, she realized just how close she had come to losing control. Forcing her hands to relax, she saw the crescent red marks where her nails had bitten into her palm.

"Don't come back," she said, glaring at her mother with all the anger and outrage she felt inside. "You had a choice and you chose him. As long as you're with him, you don't have a daughter."

"Grace-"

"No!" She turned away, feeling her throat tighten. "You were supposed to believe me, to..." Her eyes stinging, she closed them and shook her head. "Don't come back." She began walking toward her father, ignoring her mother's repeated calls to her. Never. I'll live with Dad or I'll get a place of my own or I'll be homeless, but I'll never go back there. I can't. She blinked rapidly as tears threatened to spill out. I'll kill myself first. Seeing her father holding his arms out, she ran the remaining distance.

"Come here," he said. The tenuous hold she had on her emotions broke as soon as she was in her father's arms. She began crying, scalding hot tears soaking into his flannel shirt. "Tell Daddy what happened," he said, stroking her head like he did when she was young.

All Grace could do was shake her head and cry, taking comfort in his strong arms.

"Okay, pumpkin, okay. Daddy's got you," he said over her sobs. "Shh, Daddy's got you."

"Mr. Waters, if you'd like to take her inside." It was Carey's voice, though Grace had not heard her approach.

"Do you want to go inside?" he asked. Grace sniffled and shook her head, clinging tighter to his shirt.

"There's a lake up that path," Carey said. "She knows the way."

This time Grace nodded. "O-okay." She felt a hand much smaller than her father's gently rub her shoulder.

"Grace," Carey said, giving a gentle squeeze. "I hope you have a good talk," she said before stepping back. "Take all the time you need."

Wiping her eyes with her sleeve, Grace pointed at the path. "It's this way," she said, keeping one arm around her father's side. His arm went around her shoulders and they quietly began walking up the dirt path, gradually becoming surrounded on either side by trees with only the sounds of birds and crickets to keep them company.

"I love you, pumpkin," he said. "Whatever it is, you can tell me." "Daddy..." It felt so strange to her to say that word after so many years. "Dad. I've done things...I mean..." She looked down the path unable to make eye contact. "I...I'm not a virgin."

"I suppose I'm too late for the father-daughter chat, hmm?" he said, gently squeezing her against him. "I hope you used protection and that you cared for him."

"You'll love me no matter what?" she asked, feeling her throat tighten as the lake came into view.

"No matter what," he said.

Grace disengaged herself and sat down on a fallen log. She rested her elbows on her knees and stared at the ground. "I don't know if I can tell you this."

He sat down next to her. "I suppose you're too old to sit on my lap?"

She nodded. "At least six years," she said. "But..." She lifted his arm and he shifted closer, allowing her to rest her head against his chest. "You always wore flannel," she said, inhaling the scent of her father's cologne and smiling at the memories it evoked.

"That's what you get for having a lumberjack for a father," he said. "But you graduate from college and I'll buy whatever suit you want me to wear. Come here." He pulled her closer, then kissed the top of her head. "You want to talk about it?"

She shook her head. "Not now," she said, snuggling against his chest. "But sometime, maybe."

"Whenever you're ready," he said, stroking her hair. "Anything you want to tell me."

"Anything?"

"Anything," he repeated, giving her a gentle squeeze. "So, any boyfriends?"

Grace smiled and rubbed her cheek against the soft flannel. "No."

"Girlfriends?"

Her head shot up. "Why would you say that?"

He chuckled and pulled her back against his chest. "You said no to a boyfriend so there's really only one other option unless you plan on going into the nunnery."

"I don't have a girlfriend either," she said. "Would it bother you if I did?"

"I told you," he said, rubbing her upper arm. "If you're happy, that's what matters."

Grace was quiet for several moments before gathering up the courage to speak. "Dad? What if I told you I think I'm gay?"

"Are you asking me or telling me?" He gently rubbed her shoulder. "I love you, Grace. You can't help who you love and if being a lesbian feels right to you then that's just the way it is," he said, kissing the top of her head. "You're old enough to know how you feel about that."

Taking a deep breath, she brushed her cheek against the red flannel of her father's shirt. "It does feel right," she said.

"So tell me," he said softly.

"I'm...I'm a lesbian, Dad."

"And you're still my little girl and I love you," he said, his blond beard scratching her forehead. He released her from his embrace and swung his leg over the log so he was facing her. Using his thumb, he wiped away the moisture on Grace's cheek. "Of course no one will ever be good enough for you in my eyes," he said, causing her to smile. "Does your mother know?"

Grace shook her head. "No."

"Why?"

She straddled the log, then began picking at the bark. "We don't talk about things like that." A sliver of bark went flying. "Ever." Another piece. "Even when..." The pain, still so close to the surface, threatened to bubble over. "Even when I told her, she wouldn't believe me," she said, her fist coming down hard on the log. "I told her and she fucking didn't believe me."

"I'll believe you," her father said, covering her fist with his hands.

"You can tell me."

"I can't." Despite her earlier words to the contrary, she climbed onto his lap, feeling his strong arms holding her safe. "I love you, Dad," she said, burying herself against him. "Please don't make me go back and live with them. Please."

"Your mother?"

Grace nodded and sniffed. "And her asshole boyfriend." She gripped handfuls of flannel. "He...he..." She shook her head. "I can't go back there."

Richard let out a deep breath and hugged her tightly. "Will you answer a question for Daddy? Pumpkin, did he touch you?" She let out a strangled cry and burst into tears, her control breaking. "Okay," he said, rocking his sobbing daughter. "You don't have to go back there. We'll work it out. Shh. Daddy's got you."

"Don't make me go back."

"I won't," he said.

She sniffled and gripped his shirt tighter. "I can't. He's too strong. I…I…”

"Okay," he said tenderly. "Shh. You're not going back there. I promise." His gentle words and comforting embrace gave Grace the cocoon of safety she needed to let out the tears if not the words.

Carey rolled over and opened her eyes, realizing the sound she was hearing was not part of a dream. It took a few more seconds for her to wake up enough to determine the cause of the keening cry. Grace. Hopping out of bed, she moved to the living room. "Grace," she said softly, reaching for the lamp. The light showed the teen twisted in the blankets, her face wet with tears. "Grace," she said louder, kneeling down next to the couch. "Come on, you're having a bad dream." Without thought she reached out and stroked the young woman's hair. "It's all right, Grace." The cries became more desperate and Carey had to back up when the teen's arms began thrashing about. "Grace. Grace, wake up now."

"No...help, help! No!" Grace shot up into a sitting position, eyes wild.

"Shh, Grace, it's just a bad dream," Carey said, putting her hand on the teen’s shoulder. Slowly the blue eyes focused on her. "Easy now, just a bad dream."

"Oh God," Grace whispered, burying her face in her hands. "It seemed so real." Carey remained quiet, giving her time to form her thoughts. "It felt like I was right there." Grace took a shuddering breath, then another. "It was so real. I just..."

"Keep going," Carey urged, gently rubbing the upset young woman's shoulder. "It won't stop until you let it out."

The teen shook her head, tears leaking out between her fingers. "I can't."

"Yes you-can," Carey said.

Grace fought to control herself, then laid back down, her tears glistening in the lamplight. "I'll be okay," she sniffed. "Sorry I woke you."

"It's all right you woke me," Carey said, pulling the covers up over the teen. "But as for being okay..." She tucked the blanket around Grace's shoulder. "That won't happen until you stop giving him control over you and talk about it. Grace, did you tell your father what happened?"

Fresh tears leaked from upset blue eyes as the teen nodded. "A little. I couldn't tell him all of it, I just..." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "It hurts."

"I know it does," Carey said, using the corner of the sheet to wipe the tears from Grace's face. "And the more you fight it the more it's going to hurt until you get it out. You deserve to get past this," she said, giving Grace's shoulder one last squeeze before standing up. "You really do." She walked over to the lamp, turning the knob and sending the room into darkness. "Try to get some rest," she said, fighting the urge to sit in the recliner until Grace fell asleep.

"Thanks, um...ma'am."

Carey smiled in the darkness. "Instructor Carey doesn't fit any better at a time like this, does it?"

"No," Grace said. "Joanna doesn't seem right either."

Moving to the archway, Carey leaned against the wall. "My friends just call me Carey. Between us and only in private," she said.

"Of course."

"Now go to sleep."

"Good night...Carey."

"Night, Grace."

Grace showed up at formation seconds before Instructor Gage called Attention, saving her from having to speak to Latisha or Jan. The words being said might as well have been in Hungarian for all the meaning they had to her, empty sounds fluttering through the air. Unfortunately for her, there was no way to avoid conversation at breakfast. She mumbled hellos to those that greeted her but kept her eyes down and on her tray as she moved through the line.

"Hey girlfriend," Latisha said when Grace arrived at the table, tray in hand.

"Hey," Grace said without enthusiasm.

"What's the matter, Scary on your case again?" Jan asked.

"Just tired," Grace said, keeping her eyes on her tray and not on her friends.

"Too bad," Jan said. "So what do you think, is Short Shit going to have us run five miles today?"

"Who cares," Grace said. "Pass the syrup."

"Who put the boot up your ass?" Jan asked as she handed Grace the squeeze bottle.

"I told you, I'm tired," Grace said, putting the bottle on the table with more force than necessary. "Could they water the syrup down just a little more?" she said, stabbing at the waffle. "Of course they wouldn't need to if they'd make the food at least partially edible," she said, her voice rising. "What the hell is it with the damn waffles?" She let the fork drop. "They're not that fucking difficult to make."

"Oh yeah," Latisha said, making a circle with her forefinger and thumb. "Sure, Grace. Just tired. What did Scary do to you this morning?"

"Nothing," Grace said, pushing her tray away. "Just drop it, okay?"

"Damn, get the girl some coffee," Campbell said.

"You want coffee?" Jan asked.

"Do I look like I want coffee?" Grace pushed her tray away. "Oh, forget it. I'm not hungry anyway."

"Is there a problem here, ladies?

"No, Instructor Donaldson," Grace said, rising from her seat. "I'm just leaving, ma'am."

"You haven't touched your food," Donaldson said, pressing down on her shoulder. "Sit."

"Yes, ma'am," Grace said in a resigned tone, giving her friends a dirty look as she sat down. The table was silent until Donaldson left.

"Whatever," Jan said, looking to make sure no instructors were watching them, then taking one of Grace's waffles. "You're entitled to a bad day."

"If you need to talk," Latisha offered.

Grace waved her hand. "Thanks but I'll be fine. Just something I need to work through myself." She pushed the other waffle onto Jan's plate.

"See ya later." After taking a quick look to make sure Donaldson was otherwise occupied, she left her tray on the table and ran out of the mess hall. She was halfway across the parking lot when she heard Jan calling her name. "I don't want to talk about it," she said when her friend caught up with her.

"Come on, what's got you so wigged out?" Jan asked. "You were so excited yesterday about your dad coming to visit."

"But she had to come too and ruin everything."

"Your mom?"

"Yeah."

"What did she do?"

"She came- up here with that asshole husband of hers. She knows I hate him, but she doesn't care. She still thinks she can get me to come live with them, but I'd kill myself if she tries to make me go back there. I swear I would."

Jan took her arm. "You can't mean that, Grace."

"I mean it all right." Grace pulled her arm away and walked off.

Jan just stood and watched her go. There was something about the way Grace had looked at her when she said it that made her believe her. Damn. What do I do now?

"Instructor Carey, can I talk to you?"

Carey stopped in front of the door to her office. "Don't you have class right now?"

"I have study period, ma'am," Jan said, nervously looking up and down the hall.

Opening the door, Carey held her hand out. "After you." They went inside. "What can I help you with, Bowen?" she asked as she put her cap on the hook.

"I shouldn't say anything because I don't want her to think I'm a snitch or that I'm narcing her out, but I'm worried about Grace, ma'am."

"Shut the door," Carey said. "What about her?"

"She's probably just having a rough day but I've never seen her so…I dunno, depressed, I guess," Jan said. "She's not gonna have to go back and live with her mother again, right, ma'am?"

Carey sat down in her chair. "I'm not going to comment on her situation with you," she said. "Why are you asking?"

"She said something that..." Jan shrugged. "She just said something, ma'am. That's all."

"About her home life?"

The teen nodded. "About what she'd do if she had to go back there, ma'am."

Carey leaned forward. "What did she say?"

"She probably didn't mean it, ma'am," Jan said. "But she just seemed so upset."

"Bowen, I'm not going to ask you again," Carey said. "What did she say that has you so concerned you came to see me?"

"I caught her after she left the mess hall and talked to her a little bit," Jan said. "She said she'd never go back there, to live with her mother, I mean." The teen shook her head. "I don't think she really meant it, ma'am."

Carey stood up, her fists on the desk. "Meant what?" she asked. "Stop stalling."

"She said she'd kill herself before she'd ever go back there," Jan said. "But she wasn't talking like she was thinking about suicide, ma'am. I swear."

Carey swallowed and sat down. "What do you call it when someone threatens to kill themselves?"

"I 'm just worried about her, ma'am. I don't really think she'd kill herself, I really don't, but she seemed so down. I got to thinking about a neighbor lady of ours who had a sister that killed herself. Mrs. Connor said that her sister had talked about it but she didn't do anything because she didn't think she would really do it." Jan cleared her throat and fidgeted in her seat. "Grace is my friend and I couldn't live with myself if I didn't tell someone and then something happened to her."

"You did the right thing, Bowen. Grace is lucky to have a friend like you."

"Thank you, ma'am." Jan got to her feet. "If you don't mind, ma'am, I'd better get back. I have a test I need to study for."

Carey nodded her head and got up to walk her to the door. She had been worried about Grace too, especially after that nightmare last night. Now she was more convinced than ever that she needed to get Grace to open up. But how do I do it?

Jan opened the door, then paused and looked back at Carey. "Please don't tell her I said anything."

"I won't. I promise."

Jan nodded her head and walked out the door.

"It's time for your mentoring session, is it?" Carey said when Grace

entered her office.

"Yes, ma'am."

"So what would you like to talk about?" Carey asked, resting her elbows on the armrests and lacing her fingers. "Or rather, what do you not want to talk about?"

"I don't want to talk about that," Grace said, her gaze going to the glass paperweight. "I'm sorry I woke you up, ma'am."

"You said that last night," Carey said. "That secret is trying so hard to get out, Grace. Why do you keep fighting it?"

Grace blinked several times. "I'm not ready, ma'am."

"Whether you like it or not, you're more than ready," Carey said, leaning forward and taking the egg-shaped paperweight. "Now look at me. You were quiet this morning and you've been walking around all day with a face that tells me exactly what you've been thinking about."

Grace looked at her hands. "I can't stop thinking about it."

"At me, Grace," Carey said, waiting until the teen's eyes were upon her. "Would you feel more comfortable talking to Instructor Gage or Donaldson?"

"No, ma'am."

"Then why are you so afraid?"

"Why does it matter if I talk about it or not?" Grace asked, looking down at her hands. "It's not going to change what happened."

"No, but it will change how you react to it," Carey said. "Grace, look what it's doing to you today." The teen continued to look downward. "It wasn't your fault. You need to know that, Grace. No matter what happened, it wasn't your fault." Her eyes raised at the soft snort. "Look at me. What did I just say?"

"It wasn't my fault," Grace said without emotion.

"Now if only I could get you to believe that," Carey said. "You were the victim, Grace, not the abuser. Why do you keep protecting him?"

"I'm not protecting him!" Grace snapped, blue eyes flashing anger, instead of the melancholy look Carey had seen all day. "Why do you say things like that?"

"Because you are," Carey said.

"Protect him from what?" Grace asked in the same angry tone. "From the cops? Bullshit. They won't do anything and you know that. It doesn't matter what I say or do, nothing changes." The teen shifted in her chair, leaning her right elbow on the armrest and rubbing her chin. "I don't want to talk anymore...ma'am."

"I gave up counting how many times you forgot, long ago," Carey said. "You're right that the lack of evidence would make prosecuting him difficult if not impossible, but I don't care about that right now. Grace, I'm telling you for the last time, look at me. I care about you and what this is doing to you."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not," Carey said, rising from her seat. "You keep your eyes on me," she said, moving around the desk. "You're holding on right now by a thread and it's about to break...soon."

"So?"

It was almost enough to make Carey lose her temper. "If you don't know..." She turned her back to the teen and slowly counted to ten. "So maybe I don't want to find you hanging by a rope or lying next to a bottle of pills," she said, turning around and locking eyes with Grace. "You're too special to be another statistic." She leaned on her desk, inches away from the chair where Grace sat. "I'm not kidding here. I'm really worried about you."

"I'm not going to do anything," Grace said.

Carey sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Let's stop tiptoeing around this," she said, watching as the girl clenched her jaw. "Grace, you were sexually abused whether you want to admit it or not." Blue eyes flickered away from her. "You're also seventeen and clearly miserable. Any idea what that spells a recipe for?"

"I hate feeling like this," Grace said.

"Then change it," Carey said. "Change it by opening up and letting that secret out. Talk about what happened to you, how you feel about it, anything but just talk before this destroys you."

"Let's take a seat, girls," Instructor Gage said as she entered the room and put her hat on the hook by the door. "You've been learning a great deal about yourselves and each other over the last four months. Now that those chips have been knocked off your shoulders and you're acting like civilized young ladies, it's time to take a deeper look at why things went so wrong at home." Gage took the remaining seat in the circle chairs. "Who wants to start? Waters."

"I don't have anything to say, ma'am," Grace said, her eyes focused on the carpet.

"You seem to be having a rough day," Gage said. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, ma'am."

"So answer the topic. Why do you think things went wrong at home?"

"What's the point?" Grace asked. "Nothing's gonna change. They're not going to change, ma'am."

"We can't change other people," Gage said. "The only thing we can do is change ourselves and change the way we react to those around us."

"Bullshit," Grace said, clenching her hands into fists. "Nothing's gonna change, ma'am. That's why I won't go back there."

"Why, what's happening at home?" Gage asked, her gentle voice a stark contrast to her usual tone.

Tears stung Grace's eyes. "He's there," she said, sniffling. "He's there and if l went home he'd be waiting for me." She closed her eyes as the tears began to spill out. "I hate him so much, ma'am."

"This is a safe place," Gage said. "No one can hurt you here." The words, eerily reminiscent of Carey's, caused Grace's heart to pound, her body to tremble. "Waters?"

"What, ma'am?"

"What did he do?"

"Doesn't matter, ma'am."

"You know you can't get away with that kind of answer in here," Gage said. "What did he do to you?"

"He...he..." Grace jumped from her chair, pushing it back so she could escape the circle. "I'm sorry, I can't, I..." Feeling the sob in her throat, she threw open the door and ran down the hall, ignoring the instructor calling her name. Grace ran, though the side door and outside, unsure of where to go but knowing she needed to get away.

There was a sharp rap on the door before it opened and Sue Gage entered. "You got a problem," she said, slumping into the chair in front of Carey's desk.

"What?"

"Waters," Gage said. "She ran out of Anger Management like a bat out of hell."

Carey was instantly on her feet. "Grace? Where did she go?"

"Took off running," Sue said. "I started to go after her but she ran off into the woods and I thought you might want to talk to her."

"Damn," Carey said.

"I'm sure she didn't go far," the petite woman said. "Probably just needed a quiet place to go and have herself a good cry."

"What happened?"

"I almost got her to talk about her mother's boyfriend," Gage said. "First time I've seen her cry."

Carey rubbed her face. "I knew it was coming," she said. "Marilyn tell you what she heard Grace say to her mother yesterday?" Gage shook her head. "She said Boyfriend has a thing for little girls."

"No question about it now," Gage said. "Not that there was much doubt."

Carey nodded. "I wish it wasn't true," she said, rapping her knuckles on the desk. "She's a good kid deep inside." She reached for her cap. "I'll go after her. You said she headed into the woods?"

"Toward the ball field," Gage said. "I'll cover you for mess hall duty."

"Thanks, I have a feeling this is going to take a while."

Carey found her sitting at a picnic table near the ball field. "Ten hut!"

Grace jumped off the bench and stood at attention, allowing the older woman to see the red-rimmed and puffy eyes. I'm sorry, Grace, but this can't go on any longer. "You drop and give me twenty, NOW!" She waited until Grace had finished that task and returned to attention. "Did you have permission to leave class?" she asked, her voice was firm and commanding.

"No, ma'am."

Carey moved to stand by Grace's right shoulder. "Did you tell Instructor Gage where you were going?"

"No, ma'am."

"Did Instructor Gage tell you to return to class?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And you chose to leave anyway, right?"

"Yes, ma'am," Grace said, using her sleeve to wipe the tears off her face.

"Did I tell you to move?" she asked, raising her voice.

"No, ma'am."

"Rule one, Grace, when you're at attention, You Don't Move!"

Seeing renewed tears streaming down her face, Carey found herself tempted to back off and be gentle but she knew this time, a hard push was needed. "Why did you leave?"

"I...I don't know, ma'am."

"You know," Carey said. "What's his name?" Grace hesitated. "His Name!" the concerned instructor yelled.

"B-Bob, ma'am."

Good girl, Carey thought to herself. "What did Bob do to you?"

"He...he..." Grace shook her head.

"WHAT DID HE DO?" Carey shouted. "SAY IT!"

"He...he...r-ra..." Grace's bottom lip quivered. "He...he..."

"He raped you," Carey said, finding the words hard to say herself. "Say it, Grace."

"H-he raped me," Grace cried, her shoulders slumping as sobs racked her body. "He raped me. He raped me. He came into my room and he...he held me down and...and..." She covered her face with her hands.

"Come here," Carey said softly, taking the teen into her arms. "I know, Grace," she whispered. "Let it out."

"He...he told me she wouldn't believe me," Grace sobbed. "An...and she didn't."

Carey took a deep breath, then released it slowly. "I believe you, Grace," she said, gently rubbing the teen's shaking back. "I believe you."

"I-I told him no," Grace cried, her voice muffled against Carey's shirt. "But he...h-he..." her voice trailed off into helpless sobs.

"I know," Carey said, rocking the teen in her arms. "You're doing great, Grace. Take your time, the words will come."

Carey looked up from the manual she was reading when Grace entered the cabin. "Did you find Instructor Gage?"

"Yes, ma'am," Grace said. "We…talked."

"Good." Carey said, gesturing at the couch. "Did you make it over to the mess hall?"

Grace sat down on the couch. "Yes, ma'am."

Carey waved her hand dismissively. "You're inside now, Grace. Did you eat anything?"

Grace shook her head. "I didn't feel like eating."

Carey left her chair and sat down on the cushion next to Grace. "If you get hungry, there's a plate in the fridge for you."

"Thanks."

"Talk to me," Carey urged gently.

Grace rested her elbows on her knees, leaning forward and staring at the coffee table. "I don't know what to say."

"What's going on in that head of yours?"

"I feel like someone took a blender and mixed everything up inside," Grace said. "I want to cry, I want to smash things, I want to just run away and hole up someplace where the pain can't get to me." She took a shaky breath. "It's like...something broke inside and all this pain is there and I don't know what to do."

"Something did break," Carey said softly, putting her hand on Grace's back and rubbing in slow, gentle circles. "That shell of attitude and anger that you hide behind finally broke and all the hurt you kept locked away so long wants to come out."

"It hurts," Grace said, a tear rolling down her cheek. "It hurts and I don't know what to do and I feel so damn alone." Her shoulders shook as the tears increased. "I need...I...I just need..."

"What?" Carey asked gently. "What do you need?" She was pushed back against the couch by the teen throwing herself into her arms. "I guess you need this," she said, putting her arms around Grace and continuing the comforting rubbing as tears soaked her shirt. "It's going to be all right. Go ahead and let it out. I've got you." She stroked the short blonde hair as the teen sobbed helplessly against her. "Let it out."

"Looks like it's time for lights out," Carey said, closing her book and setting it next to the table lamp. "It's going to be a busy day tomorrow."

"I feel like I could sleep for a week," Grace said.

"Long day for you," Carey said, walking over to the footlocker. "Do you want me to let you sleep in tomorrow?"

"No," Grace said. "I like getting up in the morning with you."

Her back to the teen, Carey smiled. I like our time in the morning too. "I think you just like being able to have coffee that doesn't come from a huge vat," she said, picking up the pillow and bed linens. "Don't think I didn't see you take a third cup this morning."

"You make good coffee," Grace said as she took the sheet. "Besides, you have half-and-half instead of that powdered junk."

"The luxuries of life," Carey said, tossing the pillow on the couch. "Don't let me get my coffee in the morning and you'll really see Instructor Scary." She laughed at the wide-eyed look. "You think I don't know what you girls call me?"

"I never say that," Grace said.

"I don't suppose you do," Carey said, pushing the blanket into her arms. "But I have heard bitch come out of that sweet little mouth of yours more than once."

"Not about you,” Grace said. "Well, not for a while, anyway."

Warmed by her words, Carey reached out and put her hand on Grace's shoulder. "I'm glad to hear it. I guess I won't have to lock my bedroom door in fear that you'll lynch me during the night, hmm?" Using her free hand, Carey cupped Grace's chin. "I know you've had a rough day and everything feels pretty raw right now. I care about you, Grace. Know that. I'm right in the next room if it gets too bad and you need to talk, okay?"

"Okay."

Carey patted her shoulder, then stepped back. "Now hit the sack. Five thirty will get here soon enough." She turned and started to her room.

"Carey?"

Carey stopped and faced her, surprised by the nervous tone in Grace's voice. "Yes?"

"Would it be all right to ask for a hug?"

Carey held her arms out. "Come here." Wrapping her arms around the smaller form, she pressed her cheek against the golden hair. "You're going to be all right, Grace. I know it."

"Hey," Jan said, bumping against her. "You doing better today?"

"I guess so," Grace said.

"Grace, we're friends, right?"

She nodded. "Right."

"So if you need to talk about something," Jan said. "I'm here. I know there's some things that you just don't want the Goon Squad to know about."

"Thanks," Grace said. "But I'll be okay."

Jan tugged on her elbow. "Come here." They walked to the side of the mess hall.

"Jan, we need to get in there."

"They won't notice we're missing for at least five or ten minutes," Jan said. "Christine told Latisha that you ran out of AM yesterday and at dinner you went through the line and left without coming anywhere near the table."

Grace shrugged. "Wasn't hungry."

"Yeah, I bet," Jan said, leaning against the building. "Sucks, doesn't it?"

"Sure does."

"Scary spouts a lot in SR about abstinence but she doesn't understand it's not like we really had a choice." Jan looked off at the trees. "Right?"

Grace squatted down and picked up a stone. "She understands," she said, sending the stone skittering across the pavement. "How'd you know?"

"I guess when you've been through it, it's easy to pick out others," Jan said.

"I never thought that about you," Grace said. "Christine yes, but not you."

"It's easy with her," Jan said. "No one hates their father that much otherwise."

"Think others know? About me, I mean."

Jan shook her head. "No. You keep it pretty cool." She sank down until she was sitting on the ground, using the side of the building as a backrest. "Even if they did, who cares? Does it really matter to either of us about Christine?"

"No," Grace said. "She's okay."

"See? And after we're outta here, it's not like we'll ever see those people again. Why worry about it?" Jan picked up a stone and threw it. "I don't care if people know about my step-father. Wasn't my fault."

Grace pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. "Did you ever feel like it was?"

"You know how many counselors have asked me that?" Jan said. "I knew it was his fault, no question." She threw another stone. "I was thirteen. Sure as hell wasn't my idea."

"Hmm," Grace said. "I guess at thirteen it's pretty easy to see. Harder at fifteen."

"Is it?" Jan asked quietly, both teens looking at the trees and not each other.

"Yeah." More pebbles flew as Grace found the need to do something with her hands. “Hey, we'd better get in there."

"I suppose," Jan said, making no effort to move. "I remember when I was fifteen." She let the remaining stones in her hand drop to the ground. "Thought I had control over everything and everyone around me." She shook her head and gave a rueful smile. "Just goes to show how much I didn't know back then."

Grace rose to her feet. "Yeah, well...we'd better head in."

"Hey." Jan stood up and bumped her. "I don't think it was your fault."

"Um...thanks."

"I mean it," Jan said, holding Grace's arm to keep her from walking away. "Remember what you said yesterday? About what you would do if you had to go back to live with your mother?"

"I remember," Grace said. "I'm never going back there."

"But even if something happens and you find yourself there, promise me you won't do it. We'll stay friends once we're out of here. If things ever get too rough for you, you can always come stay with me."

Grace looked at her. "I won't," she said. "I know I said that but I was just upset and everything. Besides, I'm getting out of here, out of Crestwood, then I'm going to go to college and get a degree. I'll never have to worry about living with my mother again."

"Grace? About that." Jan let go of her friend's arm. "I have to tell you something. I was worried about you yesterday and well, I told Scary what you said."

"You what?"

"I was worried," Jan said. "I didn't want you to do anything, you know, stupid."

"Carey didn't say anything to me about it," Grace said. "When did you tell her?"

"First period. Are you mad at me?"

Grace thought about it. "No. You weren't trying to get me in trouble."

"I wasn't," Jan agreed. "I was just worried, that's all."

"I guess if you came to me and said you were thinking about suicide, I'd probably tell someone too."

"Friends?"

"Friends," Grace said.

"Okay, enough of this serious shit," Jan said, giving a nudge with her elbow. "Let's go eat."

Feeling better than she had before, Grace nodded and looked up at the sky. Looks like it's going to be a nice day. "I hope we're having pancakes." They headed for the mess hall, unaware of the dark-haired woman standing around the side of the building who had heard nearly every word of their conversation.