Heart of Gold

SEVEN

ONE SAND CASTLE turned into two and eventually became a minor megalopolis on the little beach. After the construction boom came a well-deserved cookie break, then Lindy curled up on the blanket with her bedraggled doll tucked to her chest and fell into the deep, blissful sleep of a happy child.

Faith gazed down on her daughter, gently rubbing a hand back and forth over Lindy’s back as she slept. Shane watched quietly, his expression pensive as feelings tumbled loose inside him. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt such a sense of peace. There was no denying that the source of that peace was the lady sitting across from him, and the little girl with the sun-blushed cheeks and yellow Big Bird sweatshirt.

“She’s pretty special, isn’t she?” he murmured, reaching out hesitantly to touch Lindy’s silky hair. A curl wound around his finger.

Faith shot him a grin. “I hope you’re not expecting an unbiased opinion. Personally I think the sun rises and sets on this little one.”

“I’ve got a slew of nieces and nephews,” Shane announced, almost as startled as Faith was that he had revealed something personal. Suddenly uneasy, he looked out at the ocean where fishing boats bobbed on the horizon. “I haven’t seen them in a long time.”

“Because of your job?”

“The life I lead is not conducive to emotional complications.”

Faith didn’t attempt to hold back her harsh laugh. “How clinically put.”

“It’s the truth.” His answer was almost as sharp as the look he leveled at her. “Would you rather I lie to you, Faith?”

“No,” she whispered. “I’ve been lied to enough.”

Shane bit back an oath. He wasn’t accustomed to explaining himself to anyone-quite the opposite, in fact-but one look at Faith’s expression compelled him to tell her more. “If an agent lets emotions get in his way, he can screw things up. A clear head can mean the difference between life and death.”

“So you just turn it off like a faucet?” she asked. That kind of control was well beyond her. She both envied and pitied him for it.

Shane let the question hang in the air. He didn’t want to think about it today. Today the sun was shining on him. Today he could be with Faith and her daughter. He could pretend to be a normal man for a few hours. The shadows would swallow him up again soon enough.

Faith didn’t press for an answer. She had more questions to ask, but she didn’t voice any of them. Wasn’t it a lonely way of life? She knew it was, she’d sensed the loneliness in him, she’d heard it in his music. Had he ever thought of quitting? That question was too dangerous. “No” would have been too painful an answer to hear.

“When I was a kid,” he said, staring out at the sea again, “my family had this place on the coast of Maine. We used to spend the whole summer there at the ocean.”

Relieved that the sudden tension between them had evaporated, Faith soaked up the information he offered. She felt a little like a squirrel hoarding nuts in preparation for a long, bleak winter, secreting away what tidbits she could about this man. He liked poetry and music and children and summers by the sea. There was a side of him that wasn’t dangerous at all. There was a side of him that was just a man, a man full of memories and loneliness, a man who needed love.

A week ago she had wondered if she had the strength to keep from loving him. Now her perspective was changing, and she began to wonder if she had the strength to give him her love. Could she offer the bounty of her heart, knowing he needed it but might not take it? Could she risk that kind of rejection again? Did she really have a choice?

They put off going back to the inn for as long as they could, trying to squeeze the most out of their golden afternoon. But as the fog bank began to drift in, they surrendered and gathered their things together.

The walk was made in near silence, with Lindy the only one in the mood for conversation. Shane was reticent by nature, but Faith thought she could sense another reason for his silence as they climbed the wooden stairs that zigzagged up the cliff from the beach-sadness.

For once she didn’t scold herself for romanticizing. They had shared something very special. She was certain Shane was as reluctant to leave it behind as she was.

Faith watched him as he carried her daughter across the lawn toward the sprawling house, his head bent, expression serious as he listened attentively to Lindy’s plans for the shells she had gathered. He was so patient and gentle with Lindy. William had offered his attention to his daughter only when there had been a press camera trained on him.

Stopping in her tracks, Faith hugged the folded blanket to her as she came to a decision. She loved Shane Callan. It didn’t matter why. It didn’t matter that he believed he could promise her nothing. She loved him, and she would take what time they had together to give him that love. If a future came of it, she would embrace that future wholeheartedly. If nothing came of it, she would embrace the memories and harbor no regrets.

Shane stood beside his bed frowning as he slipped off his watch and put it on the nightstand. Sleep was going to be a long time coming tonight. Restlessness stirred within him. The day that had healed him with peace and sunlight was a memory now, and somehow that left him feeling unsettled.

Damn, he thought as he pulled his shirt off, he was getting melancholy in his old age. He was supposed to be thinking about surveillance and suspects, but his mind wanted to linger on thoughts of the beach and Lindy… and Faith. Faith the woman, not the witness.

A soft knock drew his attention to the door.

“Shane?”

Her voice was soft and tentative, yet it seemed to reach through the door to caress him. His skin heated instantly at the thought. Before his hormones could run amuck, he called out, “Come in.”

Faith slipped into the room like a thief, closing the door quietly behind her. When she turned to face him, Shane felt as though he’d taken a punch to the solar plexus. Faith stood there, her doe eyes wide and uncertain, the amber glow of the lamp teasing out the red lights in her hair. She wore an ivory satin robe that was belted at the waist and fell to the floor. Framed by the V neckline of her robe was the necklace she always wore. The delicate bit of gold glittered warmly above her heart.

“You said you’d be here when I changed my mind,” she said, her gaze holding him captive. Her teeth grazed her lower lip, further betraying her nervousness. She swallowed and her breasts gave a little jump as she sucked in a breath. “I’ve changed my mind.”

Shane held himself utterly still, as if he were afraid she would vanish if he moved. A heavy warmth surged through his body, settling in his groin. “Are you sure?”

Faith nodded, her heart in her throat. He had to be the sexiest thing on two legs, standing there beside the bed wearing nothing but his jeans. The look he leveled at her from under his straight black brows was fiercely intense, searching for any hint of uncertainty in her. “I’m sure.”

Stepping away from the door, she closed the distance between them. Shane felt the level of his desire for her rise with every step she took. He wanted her. There was no need to question that, but he had to know she had no delusions about what this would mean. For both their sakes he couldn’t afford to let it be anything more than a few sweet hours of bliss.

When she was standing no more than a caress away, he lifted a hand and tenderly brushed his knuckles against her cheek. “I can’t make promises. You know that.”

“I’m not asking for any,” she whispered, her eyes downcast so he couldn’t see that, while she wasn’t asking him for promises, she was praying for a miracle. She would take whatever he would give her, but her heart was hoping that would be a lifetime.

Shane tipped her chin up, but before he could comment on what he saw in her gaze, she said, “I’d like to know what it is to have a man want me.”

It was the truth. Sex with William had been infrequent and unsatisfying. Her ex-husband had never set her on fire with a look or a touch. He had viewed their physical relationship as a necessary evil, and she had accepted that with a mix of guilt and relief. It was Shane who had awakened the latent sensuality in her. It was Shane who made her feel like a woman, who made her yearn for a man’s touch-for his touch.

Now he bent his head to hers, his gray eyes glowing with desire. “Lord, Faith,” he said on a growl, “how could any man look at you and not want you?”

He kissed her with barely restrained passion, groaning as she melted willingly against him. With trembling hands he pushed the ivory robe back off her shoulders, exposing her bare skin to his touch. Satin whispered to the floor at their feet, and she was naked in his arms.

His lips trailed along her jaw to her throat as his fingers trailed down her supple back, and lower, to the full curve of her buttocks. He lifted her, fitting her against the erection that swelled and strained against the front of his jeans, letting her know just how much he wanted her.

Faith shuddered with raw anticipation. She gasped at the feel of him pressing intimately against her, and at the feel of her nipples burrowing into his chest hair. Need ribboned through her, brushing every nerve ending to awareness so that when Shane stood her away from his body, she nearly cried out at the sudden deprivation.

Mesmerized, she stared at him, her eyes passion-glazed and heavy-lidded as she watched him slowly lower the zipper of his jeans. Her breath held fast in her lungs as he peeled the denim from his lean hips and let the pants drop to join her robe on the floor. This wasn’t the first time she had seen him naked, but the sight still sapped the strength from her knees. He was beautiful and completely unselfconscious as she feasted her eyes on him.

Time ticked by unheeded. Shane’s gaze roamed as hungrily over Faith’s body as hers did over his. She was utterly feminine, all soft curves and creamy flesh. Her breasts were full, their swollen mauve tips begging for his attention. Her small waist flared into womanly hips. The delta of soft curls at the juncture of her thighs was more red than gold, and Shane’s whole body throbbed with the need to discover the sweet secrets that lay beyond.

Ruthlessly checking his own rampant desire, he reached out and took her hand. If passion was all he could give her, then he would make it as perfect for her as he knew how.

“It’s been a long time for me,” she said shyly.

Shane drew her into his arms and kissed her tenderly. “Don’t worry, honey. I’ll take care of you. Just lie back and let me love you.”

As they sank to the bed, Faith breathed in the mingled scents of potpourri and man. Shane slid down her body, his hands tracing every line and curve of her. He caressed her breasts, his fingers stroking and kneading. Gently he fastened his lips around one nipple and sucked at the eager peak. She moaned and writhed beneath him. Her back arched off the bed, pressing her breast even deeper into the heat of his mouth.

Shane swept one hand down her side and across her hip. His fingers slid through the downy curls that covered her femininity and delved between her parted thighs to stroke the essence of her. She responded with tight little whimpers that spurred him on. His own need was a savage ache in his groin, but his focus was on Faith. Her body was begging for release. He could sense how close to the edge she was, and he coaxed her closer still with his hand and mouth.

“No!” she whimpered, tears of disappointment sliding from the outer corners of her eyes as her pleasure crested abruptly in a blinding flash.

Shane was beside her in an instant to kiss the moisture from her temples. “Shhh, honey, don’t cry. What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“I wanted you… with me.”

“I will be,” he promised, nuzzling her cheek.

“You don’t understand,” Faith mumbled, feeling miserable and inadequate. “That won’t happen for me again, Shane. I-”

“You don’t think so?” he asked, smoothing a hand back through her tousled hair. His smile was uncharacteristically soft. “That was your first trip to heaven, sweetheart, but I promise you it won’t be the last time I take you there tonight.”

He couldn’t promise her much, but that was one pledge he would definitely keep. He was a long way from being finished making love to this lady. His hunger for her was beyond anything he’d ever known. It was a hunger not only to take pleasure but to give it as well.

In the soft glow of lamplight be bathed her with kisses, his lips lingering over every detail of her face, her throat, her shoulders. He drank in the taste of her and the powder-soft rose-petal scent of her, absorbing every detail of her body, every nuance of her response.

Obediently passive beneath his tender assault, Faith discovered she had erogenous zones she had never dreamed of. Shane’s tongue flicking across the inner crease of her elbow made her gasp. A kiss planted on the back of her knee stopped her breathing altogether. And when he parted her thighs and settled his mouth against the most feminine part of her, she thought she would die of the pleasure.

Her first impulse was to push him away, but that response was quickly overruled by need, the need to have him touch her and love her and cherish her in every way he wanted. So she opened herself to his intimate kiss and this time when completion rushed through her, stunning her with shock wave after shock wave, she let herself be swept along on the tide. This time when he came back to her, she greeted him with a smile instead of tears.

“Can I touch you?” she asked softly.

Shane’s eyes darkened from smoke to midnight at her request. He brought her hand up to his chest and abandoned it. “Please do.”

Lovingly Faith stroked her fingertips over his chest, carefully avoiding the bandage on his left shoulder. Feeling wonderfully bold and uninhibited, she leaned over him and flicked her tongue across his flat brown nipple, then sent him a smile that was pure wickedness when he sucked in his breath. Her hand strayed down over his taut belly, following the line of downy black hair that ended in a thicket on his groin.

Gently she closed her hand around his arousal. Her groan of appreciation echoed Shane’s. He was warm and hard, steel sheathed in velvet, throbbing with need for her… as she was for him.

She turned to him with a look of near desperation and breathed his name. Shane needed no more invitation than that. He rolled Faith beneath him and kneeled between her thighs as he took care of protection. An instant later he was sinking into her embrace-the embrace of her arms and the embrace of her womanhood. Lifting her hips into his, she accepted him gradually, her tight warmth closing around him, welcoming him. He closed his eyes for a moment savoring the sensation of sweet bliss.

He loved her tenderly, gently, with slow, deep strokes that seemed to reach to the very heart of her. Faith held him, moved with him, letting her love for him pour out of her every way she could without actually speaking the words. She let her body tell him with each caress, with each sigh. And this time, when the end came for them both, the tears that filled her eyes were tears of love.

Shane turned onto his back and settled Faith against his side with her head pillowed on his good shoulder. He was exhausted, spent, which was to be expected, but there were other feelings he hadn’t expected. Rightness, comfort, and a fullness in his chest he refused to name.

He had sought physical release in Faith’s arms. He had told himself this would be only to ease the restless ache in his gut and to give Faith a few hours of escape from her worries. He hadn’t expected the sweetness, the warmth this completion had brought. In giving him her body, Faith had given him much more. In her arms he had felt peace and tenderness and understanding.

For one unguarded moment he let himself wonder what it would be like to take what she offered-a haven, salvation, a place to rest and heal a world-weary heart. The thought of it was so beautiful, so tempting, it was frightening.

“I never knew,” Faith whispered, her breath warm against his cooling skin. “In twelve years of marriage, I never knew anything like this.”

Silently Shane cursed the bastard who had married this gentle, giving woman only to further his career. William Gerrard deserved to be imprisoned for that alone.

His hand came up to stroke her hair possessively. “Why did you stay with him?” he asked, fighting to keep the harsh edge from his voice. “Did you love him?”

“At first,” she said with a sad smile. “William can be very charming when it suits him. He swept me off my feet. Then, after he won his Senate seat and we moved to Washington, his interest in me waned. I blamed his job. I blamed myself. Eventually I got around to blaming William, but I made the mistake of believing he could change, that I could change him. I couldn’t.”

“Twelve years is a long time to spend trying to change somebody.”

“Oh, I’d given up hope on him long before that.”

“Then why did you stay with the bastard?” At one time he might have suspected her of marrying Gerrard for his money or for the glamour or power, but no such suspicions surfaced now. He had come to trust Faith as he trusted very few people.

“Because I’d taken a vow,” she said, feeling both foolish and defensive. “I’d pledged to be his wife for better or worse. I believe in those vows. I know that sounds old-fashioned, but I do.”

Shane wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her forehead. The cynic in him labeled her naive, but if she had been naive, she was also good and honest and sincere. Those were qualities he’d seen precious little of in the last few years. It made him feel old and jaded now to lie there with this treasure of a woman in his arms. He didn’t deserve the chance to touch her, but damned if he could stay away from her.

The only thing he could offer her was protection from the man who had so callously used her. And that Shane pledged to her and to himself. “He’ll never hurt you again, Faith. I’ll see to it.”