Chapter 7

Elizabeth arrived at Danbury House the following morning with one overriding goal in mind: to stay as far away from James Siddons as humanly possible.

He had kissed her. He had actually kissed her. Worse, she had let him. And even worse, she had run off like a coward-all the way home. Only once in all her years as Lady Danbury "s companion had she ever cried off work early, and that was when she'd had a lung fever. Even then, she had tried to remain at her post, leaving only when Lady Danbury had threatened to care for her herself.

But this time all it took was one kiss from one handsome man, and she was sniveling like a ninny. Elizabeth had been so mortified by her actions that she'd sent Lucas back to Danbury House with a note for Lady D explaining that she was feeling quite ill. It wasn't entirely a lie, Elizabeth reasoned. She'd been hot and flushed, and her stomach had felt altogether queer.

Besides, the alternative to lying was death by mortification. All in all, it took Elizabeth very little time to decide that her little fib was entirely justified.

She'd spent the evening holed up in her room, obsessively poring over HOW TO MARRY A MARQUIS. There weren't too many references to kissing. Mrs. Seeton obviously thought that anyone who'd been smart enough to purchase her book was smart enough to know that one was not supposed to kiss a gentleman to whom one did not have a deep and potentially lasting connection.

And one certainly shouldn't enjoy it.

Elizabeth groaned, remembering all this. So far the day was progressing like any other, except for the fact that she had looked over her shoulder so many times that Lady Danbury had asked if she had developed a nervous tic.

Embarrassment forced her to stop twisting her neck, but she still jumped a little every time she heard footsteps.

She tried to tell herself that it shouldn't be terribly difficult to avoid him. Mr. Siddons must have a thousand duties as estate manager, nine hundred of which required his presence outside. So if Elizabeth just barricaded herself in Danbury House, she ought to be safe. And if he decided to pursue the odd task that took him indoors… well, then, she was certain she could find some reason to leave the house and enjoy the warm English sunshine.

And then it started to rain.

Elizabeth's forehead fell against the glass of the sitting room window with a dull thud. "This can't be happening," she muttered. "This simply cannot be happening."

"What can't be happening?" Lady Danbury asked briskly. "The rain? Don't be a nodcock. This is England. Hence, it must be raining."

"But not today," Elizabeth sighed. "It was so sunny this morning when I walked over."

"Since when has that ever made a difference?"

"Since…" She shut her eyes and swallowed a groan. Anyone who'd lived her whole life in Surrey ought to know that one could not depend on a sunny morning. "Oh, never mind. It's not important."

"Are you worried about getting home? Don't be. I'll have someone drive you home. You shouldn't expose yourself to the elements so soon after an illness." Lady Danbury's eyes narrowed. "Although I must say you look remarkably recovered."

"I don't feel remarkably recovered," Elizabeth said, quite honestly.

"What did you say was wrong with you?"

"My stomach," she mumbled. "I think it was something I ate."

"Hmmph. No one else fell sick. Can't imagine what you ate. But if you spent the afternoon casting up your accounts-"

"Lady Danbury!" Elizabeth exclaimed. She certainly hadn't spent the previous afternoon casting up her accounts, but still, there was no need to discuss such bodily functions.

Lady D shook her head. "Too modest by half. When did women get to be so prissy?"

"When we decided that vomit wasn't a pleasant topic of conversation," Elizabeth retorted.

"That's the spirit!" Lady Danbury chortled, clapping her hands together. “I declare, Elizabeth Hotchkiss, you sound more and more like myself every day."

"God help me," Elizabeth groaned.

"Even better. Exactly what I would have said." Lady Danbury sat back, tapped her index finger to her forehead, and frowned. "Now, then, what was I talking about? Oh, yes, we wanted to make sure that you wouldn't have to walk home in the rain. Don't fear, we'll find someone to drive you. My new estate manager, if need be. Lord knows he won't be able to get anything done in this weather."

Elizabeth gulped. "I'm certain the rain will let up soon."

Lightning forked through the sky-just to spite her, she was sure-followed by a clap of thunder so loud Elizabeth jumped a foot. "Ow!" she yelped.

"What did you do to yourself now?"

"Just my knee," she replied with a patently false smile. "Doesn't hurt a bit."

Lady Danbury snorted her disbelief.

"No, really," Elizabeth insisted. "Funny how I never noticed that end table there, though."

"Oh, that. Moved it there yesterday. Mr. Siddons suggested it."

"That figures," Elizabeth muttered.

"Beg pardon?"

"Nothing," she said, a little too loudly.

"Hmmph," was Lady Danbury's reply. "I'm thirsty."

Elizabeth immediately warmed to the prospect of having something to do besides stare out the window and worry that Mr. Siddons was going to make an appearance. "Would you care for tea, Lady Danbury? Or perhaps I can have Cook prepare some lemonade."

"Too early in the morning for lemonade," Lady D barked. "Too early for tea, as a matter of fact, but I'll have some anyway."

"Didn't you take tea with breakfast?" Elizabeth pointed out.

"That was breakfast tea. Different entirely."

"Ah." Someday, Elizabeth thought, she would receive a sainthood for this.

"Make sure Cook puts biscuits on the tray. And don't forget to ask her to fix something for Malcolm." Lady D craned her head this way and that. "Where is that cat?"

"Plotting his latest scheme to torture me, no doubt," Elizabeth muttered.

"Eh? What was that?"

Elizabeth turned toward the door, still looking over her shoulder at Lady Danbury. "Nothing at all, Lady Danbury. I'll just-"

Anything else she might have said was lost as her shoulder bumped into something large, warm, and decidedly human.

Elizabeth groaned. Mr. Siddons. It had to be. She had never been a particularly lucky woman.

"Steady, there," she heard him say, a split second before his hands gently grasped her upper arms.

"Mr. Siddons!" Lady Danbury trilled. "How lovely to see you so early in the morning."

"Indeed," Elizabeth muttered.

"Won't you join us for tea?" Lady D continued. "Elizabeth was just off to fetch a tray."

Elizabeth was still refusing-on principle, although she wasn't entirely certain which principle-to look at his face, but she felt his wolfish smile nonetheless.

"I'd be delighted," he said.

"Excellent," Lady Danbury replied. "Elizabeth, off with you, then. We'll need tea for three."

"I can't go anywhere," Elizabeth ground out, "while Mr. Siddons is holding on to my arms."

“Was I doing that?'' he said guilelessly, releasing his grip. "Didn't even realize it."

If she'd had any sort of fortune, Elizabeth decided grimly, she'd have bet it then and there that he was lying.

“I did have a few questions for our dear Miss Hotchkiss," Mr. Siddons said.

Elizabeth's lips parted in surprise.

"They can wait until she returns, I'm sure," he murmured.

Elizabeth's head darted back and forth between Mr. Siddons and Lady Danbury as she tried to comprehend the oddly quiet tension in the room. "If you're sure," she said. "I'd be happy to-"

"He thinks you're blackmailing me," Lady Danbury said bluntly.

"He thinks I'm doing what?" Elizabeth nearly screeched.

"Agatha!" Mr. Siddons burst out, sounding very much as if he wanted to curse the old lady to perdition. "Haven't you ever heard of the word 'subtlety'?"

"Hmmph. Has never worked for me."

"I'll say," he muttered.

"Did you just call her Agatha?" Elizabeth asked. She looked over at Lady Danbury in surprise. She'd been tending to the countess for five years and had never presumed to use her given name.

"I knew Mr. Siddons's mother," Lady Danbury said, as if that explained everything.

Elizabeth planted her hands on her hips and glowered up at the handsome estate manager. “How dare you think I would blackmail this sweet old lady!"

"Sweet?" Mr. Siddons echoed.

"Old?" Lady Danbury hollered.

"I would never stoop so low," Elizabeth said with a sniff. "Never. And shame on you for thinking so."

"That's what I told him," Lady D said with a shrug. "You do need the money, of course, but you're not the sort to-"

Mr. Siddons's hand closed around her arm again. "You need money?" he demanded.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Doesn't everyone?"

"I have plenty," Lady D said.

Her two employees whipped their heads around in unison and glared at her.

"Well, it's the truth," she said, hmmphing loudly.

"Why do you need money?" Mr. Siddons asked softly.

"That is none of your concern!"

But Lady Danbury obviously thought it was, because she said, "It all started when-"

"Lady Danbury, please!" Elizabeth shot her a pleading look. It was hard enough to be so pressed for funds. To have the countess shame her in front of a stranger…

Lady Danbury seemed to realize-for once-that she had overstepped herself and closed her mouth.

Elizabeth closed her eyes and let out a breath. ' Thank you," she whispered.

"I'm thirsty," Lady D stated.

"Right," Elizabeth said, mostly to herself, although her words were loud enough for everyone to hear. "The tea."

"What are you waiting for?" Lady Danbury demanded, thumping her cane.

"A sainthood," Elizabeth muttered under her breath.

Mr. Siddons's eyes widened. Oh, blast, he'd heard her. She'd grown so used to being alone with Lady Danbury that she'd forgotten to watch what she whispered to herself.

But Mr. Siddons, to her great surprise, abruptly let go of her arm and started to cough. And then, just when any normal person would have ceased, he doubled over, collapsed against the wall, and started coughing even more violently.

Elizabeth's antagonism gave way to concern as she leaned down. "Are you all right?"

He nodded hurriedly, without removing his hand from his mouth.


* * *

"Has he something stuck in his throat?" Lady Danbury yelled.

"I can't imagine what," Elizabeth replied. "He wasn't eating anything."

"Whack his back," Lady D said. "Whack it hard."

Mr. Siddons shook his head and dashed out of the room.

"Perhaps you should follow," Lady Danbury suggested. "And don't forget to whack him."

Elizabeth blinked twice, shrugged her shoulders, and quit the room, thinking that whacking him on the back might prove to be a rather satisfying endeavor. “Mr. Siddons?" She looked left and right but didn't see him. "Mr. Siddons?"

And then she heard it. Great big roars of laughter coming from around the corner. She shut the door with alacrity.

By the time she rounded the corner, Mr. Siddons was sitting on a cushioned bench, gasping for air.

"Mr. Siddons? James?"

He looked up, and suddenly he didn't seem quite as dangerous as he had the day before. "A sainthood," he squeaked. "Good God, yes, we all deserve one."

"Well, you've only been here a few days," Elizabeth pointed out. "You've a couple more years in her company, I think, before you could even be considered for martyr."

Mr. Siddons tried to hold back his laughter, but it burst out of him in a great big rush of air. When he regained control of himself he said, "It's the quiet ones like you who are the most dangerous and cunning."

"Me?" Elizabeth asked in disbelief. "I'm not the least bit quiet."

"Perhaps not, but you do choose your words carefully."

"Well, yes," she said with an unconscious tilt of her head. "I'm clumsy enough in body without tossing my mouth into the mixture."

James decided then and there that she couldn't possibly be the blackmailer. Oh, he knew that he hadn't gathered enough facts to make this pronouncement, but his instincts had been telling him for days that she had to be innocent. He just hadn't been smart enough to listen.

He regarded her for a moment, then asked, "Shall I help you fetch the tea?''

"Surely you have more important things to do than accompanying a lady's companion to the kitchen."

"I have often noticed that ladies' companions are the ones most in need of companionship."

Her lips curved into a reluctant smile. "Now, now, Lady Danbury is a good sort."

James watched her mouth with unabashed interest. He wanted to kiss her, he realized. This wasn't surprising in and of itself-he'd thought of very little in the past day besides kissing her. What was odd was that he wanted to do it right then and there in the hall. He was usually much more discreet.

"Mr. Siddons?"

He blinked, a touch embarrassed to have been caught staring at her.

“Who is blackmailing Lady Danbury?''

"If I knew that, I'd hardly have been accusing you."

"Hmmph. Don't think I've forgiven you for that."

"Good God," he said, startled. "You're beginning to sound like her."

Elizabeth's eyes widened in horror. "Lady Danbury?"

He nodded and hmmphed in a perfect imitation of Elizabeth imitating Lady D.

She gasped. "I didn't do that, did I?"

He nodded again, his eyes dancing with amusement.

She groaned. "I'm going to get the tea."

"Then you've forgiven me for suspecting you of blackmail?"

"I suppose I must. It's not as if you knew enough of my character to clear me immediately."

"Very broad-minded of you."

She shot him a look that told him she didn't much appreciate his flip comment. "But what I don't understand is, what on earth could Lady Danbury have done to warrant blackmail?"

"That is not for me to say," he said quietly.

Elizabeth nodded. "I'll get the tea."

"I'll come with you."

She put up a hand. "No. You won't."

He took her fingers and kissed the very tips. "Yes. I will."

Elizabeth stared down at her hand. Dear Lord, the man had kissed her again! Right there in the hall. Too stunned to pull her hand back, she looked right and left, terrified that a servant might stumble upon them.

"You had never been kissed before yesterday," he murmured.

"Of course not!"

"Not even on the hand." He let her fingers drop, then took her other hand and kissed her knuckles.

"Mr. Siddons!" she gasped. "Are you mad?"

He smiled. "I'm glad you haven't been kissed before."

"You are mad. Utterly mad. And," she added defensively, "of course I've been kissed on the hand."

“Your father doesn't count.''

More than anything, Elizabeth wanted to find a hole in the ground and jump in it. She felt her cheeks burn, and she knew that she didn't have to say a word for him to know that he was right. There weren't very many unmarried men in her little village, and certainly none of them was urbane enough to kiss her on the hand.

"Who are you?" she whispered.

He looked at her oddly, his brown eyes narrowing. "James Siddons. You know that."

She shook her head. "You've never been an estate manager before. I'd bet my life on it."

"Would you like to see my references?"

"You carry yourself wrong. A servant would-"

"Ah, but I am not precisely a servant," he interrupted. "As you are not. I understand you're of the local gentry."

She nodded.

"Mine is an old family, as well," he continued. "Our pride, unfortunately, was not lost with our money."

"Unfortunately?"

One corner of his mouth turned up. “It makes for awkward moments."

"Like this one," Elizabeth said firmly. "You must return to the drawing room this instant. Lady Danbury is in there, wondering, I'm sure, why the devil I shut the door, and what we are doing, and while I don't profess to know your mind, / do not wish to make explanations."

James just stared at her, wondering why he suddenly felt as if he'd been dressed down by his governess. He grinned. "You're good at that."

Elizabeth had managed to take three steps toward the kitchen. She let out a frustrated breath and turned around. "At what?"

“At speaking to a grown man as if he were a child. I feel quite put in my place."

"You do not," she retorted, waving her hand toward him. "Just look at you. You don't look the least bit contrite. You're grinning like an idiot."

He cocked his head. "I know."

Elizabeth threw up her hands. "I have to go."

"You make me smile."

His words, soft and intense, stopped her in her tracks.

"Turn around, Elizabeth."

There was some sort of connection between the two of them. Elizabeth knew nothing of love, but she knew she could fall in love with this man. She felt it deep in her heart, and it terrified her. He wasn't a man she could marry. He had no money; he'd said so himself. How was she to send Lucas to Eton with an estate manager as a husband? How was she to feed and clothe Susan and Jane? Susan was only fourteen now, but soon she'd want to make her debut. London was out of the question, but even a small local debut would cost money.

And that was the one thing that neither Elizabeth nor the man standing in front of her-possibly the only man who could ever capture her heart-had.

Dear God, she'd thought that life had treated her unfairly before, but this… this was nothing short of agony.

"Turn around, Elizabeth."

She kept walking. It was the hardest thing she'd ever done.


* * *

Late that night, Susan, Jane, and Lucas Hotchkiss huddled together on the cold floor of the upstairs hall, directly outside their older sister's bedchamber.

"I think she's crying," Lucas whispered.

"Of course she's crying," Jane hissed. "Any fool could tell she's crying."

"The question is," Susan cut in, "why is she crying?"

No one had an answer to that.

They flinched a moment later when they heard a slightly louder than usual sob, then swallowed uncomfortably when it was followed by a loud sniffle.

"She has been very worried about money of late," Lucas said hesitantly.

"She's always worried about money," Jane retorted.

"It's only natural," Susan added. "People who don't have money always worry about it."

The two younger Hotchkisses nodded in agreement.

"Do we really have nothing?" Jane whispered.

"I'm afraid so," Susan said.

Lucas's eyes began to glisten. "I'm not going to get to go to Eton, am I?"

"No, no," Susan said quickly, "of course you will. We just have to economize."

“How can we economize when we have nothing?'' he asked.

Susan didn't reply.

Jane nudged her in the ribs. “I think one of us should comfort her."

Before Susan could do so much as nod, they heard a loud crash, followed by the unbelievably astonishing sound of their proper older sister yelling, "Goddamn you to hell!"

Jane gasped.

Susan's mouth fell open.

"I can't believe she said that," Lucas breathed reverently. "I wonder who she was damning."

"It's not something to be proud of," Jane snapped, poking in the soft spot above his collarbone.

"Ow!"

"And don't say 'damn,' " Susan added.

“It is so something to be proud of. Even I have never said that."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Men."

"Stop bickering," Susan said distractedly. "I think I had better go in and see her."

"Yes," Jane replied, "as I was just saying-"

"Why does everything have to be your idea?" Lucas said sullenly. "You always-"

"This was my idea!"

"Quiet!" Susan practically barked. "Downstairs, the both of you. And if I find out that either one of you has disobeyed me, I shall overstarch your undergarments for a month."

The two small children nodded and ran down the stairs. Susan took a deep breath and knocked on Elizabeth's door.

No answer.

Susan knocked again. "I know you're in there."

Footsteps, followed by a vicious yanking open of the door. "Of course you know I'm in here," Elizabeth snapped. "They can probably hear me all the way to Danbury House."

Susan opened her mouth, closed it, and then reopened it again to say, ”I was going to ask if something is wrong, but then I realized how ridiculous that sounded, so instead perhaps I might ask what is wrong?''

Elizabeth's reply was not verbal. Instead, she turned her head and glared at a red object laying in the corner.

"Dear God!" Susan exclaimed, scurrying across the room. "Was this the thud I heard?"

Elizabeth glanced disdainfully at HOW TO MARRY A MARQUIS, carefully held in her sister's hands.

"This book belongs to Lady Danbury!" Susan said. "You yourself made me promise not to even crack the spine. And you threw it across the room?''

"My priorities have changed. I don't care if that book burns. I don't care if Mrs. Seeton burns."

Susan's mouth formed a perfect circle. "Were you damning Mrs. Seeton to hell?"

"Perhaps I was," Elizabeth said in an insolent voice.

Susan clapped a hand to her face in shock. “Elizabeth, you don't sound like yourself."

"I don't feel like myself."

"You must tell me what has happened to make you so upset."

Elizabeth let out a short, shallow breath. "That book has ruined my life."

Susan blinked. "You have never been given to melodrama. ''

"Perhaps I've changed."

"Perhaps," Susan said, clearly growing a little irritated with her sister's evasions, "you would care to expound upon how this book has ruined your life."

Elizabeth looked away so Susan couldn't see how badly her face was trembling. "I wouldn't have flirted with him. I would never have approached him if I hadn't gotten it into my head to-''

"Dear God!" Susan cut in. "What did he do to you? Did he dishonor you in any way?''

"No!" Elizabeth cried out. "He would never."

"Then what happened?"

"Oh, Susan," Elizabeth replied, silent tears streaming down her face. "I could love him. I could truly love him."

"Then what's wrong?" Susan asked in a gentle whisper.

"Susan, he hasn't two coins to rub together! He's an estate manager!"

"But couldn't you be happy with a simple life?"

"Of course I could," Elizabeth snapped. "But what about Lucas's education? And your debut? And Jane's watercolors? Haven't you been listening to a word I've said this last week? Did you think I was looking for a husband for the fun of it? We need money, Susan. Money."

Susan couldn't even bring herself to look into her sister's eyes. "I'm sorry if you feel you have to sacrifice yourself."


* * *

"The funny part is, I didn't think it was such a sacrifice. Lots of women marry men they don't love. But now…" She paused and wiped her eyes. "Now it's just hard. That's all it is. Hard."

Susan swallowed and softly said, "Maybe you should return the book."

Elizabeth nodded. "I'll do it tomorrow."

"We can-we can decide how to proceed later. I'm sure you can find a husband without having to practice on-''

Elizabeth held up a hand. "Let's not talk about it now."

Susan nodded, then smiled weakly as she held up the book. "I'll just go dust this off. You can return it tomorrow."

Elizabeth didn't move as she watched her sister leave the room. Then she crawled onto her bed and started to cry. But this time she held the pillow over her head, muffling the sounds of her sobs.

The last thing she wanted was more sympathy.

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