How to Stay Married

Christmas

THE ROW USUALLY starts about September and continues through to February.

Wife: Where shall we go for Christmas, darling?

Husband: Anywhere you like, darling.

Wife: Well I thought we might spend a few days with Mother.

Husband (appalled): With your mother! No drink, and frost because we don’t go to church three times a day. If you think I’m staying with that old cow …

Wife (interrupting with some asperity): What did you have in mind?

Husband: Well I rather thought we might go to Scotland.

Wife: To stay with your parents! No central heating, and those damned dogs — that’s charming.

And the row follows its normal course.

Many people like to go to their families for Christmas and they can’t understand why their partners find it such a strain. If you can’t stand going to either set of parents, get a large dog and say you can’t leave it.

CHRISTMAS PRESENTS

These can be an awful bore, particularly if you come from large families. We’ve evolved a system whereby my husband buys all the men’s presents, and I look after the women and children.