Invincible

22.

I returned back to my apartment carrying two Iced Mochas from Bird Rock Coffee.

Annie greeted me with a kiss—and a clean apartment. She’d scrubbed my floors, dusted the furniture, even folded my laundry. Fuck, I didn’t remember getting married.

“Sorry, I hope you don’t mind. I just need to be busy.”

I got it. And here I was about to interrogate her about her past.

We sat at the table.

“What’s wrong, Pat? You’re acting weird. Are you still upset about Chris? We’re meeting him in an hour so—”

“No. That’s not it.”

“No secrets. Spill it.”

I didn’t know how to approach her. We had an unspoken rule never to talk about her time in the brothel. “In the brothel, when I came back to see if you were who you said you were, you told that me that you and Nicole were convinced you were going to be saved. Why did you think that?”

She shifted in her seat. “Why do you ask?”

“Just curious.”

“Why now?” She sucked her cheeks in.

“I always wanted to ask you. There’s never a right time.”

“It was nothing. I just thought this other guy was sent to save me once. He never came back. Why does it matter?”

“It matters to me. Why did you think he was going to come back?”

“First, you get all jealous about Chris and now you’re interrogating me about the clients? You know I don’t want to talk about them.”

I couldn’t tell her why. “Please, Annie. I just have to know.”

Her hands clenched into fists. “What do you want me to say? You want to hear how he forced me to make out with Nicole? What positions he fucked me in? Will that make you happy?”

“Dammit, Annie. Is that what you think of me? Of course, I don’t want to know that shit. You don’t think that it kills me that all those men used you? That I used you? Every fucking night since I met you, I have nightmares of faceless men who fuck you. And in them I’m fucking helpless and can’t save you. I want to kill every man who has ever touched you. I just wanted to fucking try to understand why no one ever saved you? You mentioned it. Is that so fucking wrong?”

She pulled out her hair, like she had on the night I’d returned to the brothel. “I’m sorry, Pat. I’m just so fucked up. I just lost it. I hate myself.”

“I’m not mad at you.” I pulled her to me, and kissed her forehead. “I know this is hard for you. I’ve been thinking about it and I want to know. But if you don’t want to tell me that’s fine.” I wasn’t using reverse psychology—I didn’t want to upset her further. She’d tell me when she was ready.

“I’m sorry,” she squeaked.

“I’m sorry I brought it up. Forget I asked. We need to leave soon to meet your boyfriend.”

“Ha ha. I’ll get ready.”

Annie emerged from the bathroom wearing one of those short, flippy skirts, a tank top, and strappy sandals. Granted it was eighty degrees, but she looked too damn hot to go outside.

“What are you wearing?”

“Jesus Pat. Controlling much? It’s scorching out and I thought you’d like it. I bought it yesterday. Now you going to tell me what to wear? I was a hooker, I’m beyond modesty.”

My throat became dry. We weren’t communicating at all. “No, I’m not telling you what to wear. But we’re going to meet your ex boyfriend. I already don’t trust him, and I don’t need him lusting after you in front of me. You can wear whatever you want. It’s going to be so fucking hard for me to be away from you when I deploy next month and you’re not making it any easier.”

“So if I dress sexy it will be harder for you to trust me? That’s dumb.” She wasn’t backing down.

“That’s not what I’m saying. I trust you. It’s hard enough for me to imagine all those men touching you. I get so angry when I think about it. I just want you to myself. And he’s your ex. I’m a man. I know what he’s going to think when he sees you. You’re fucking hot.”

She shrugged. “Okay. I’ll change.”

God, was I that much of a paranoid asshole? I wasn’t one of those men who thought that women who dressed sexy were asking for it. I just wanted to protect Annie. I didn’t want anyone fantasizing about her. It would be impossible for me to focus on my job if I’m worried sick about everyman eye fucking her while I’d be away.

She came back out in longer shorts, a tee shirt, and the same strappy sandals.

I kissed her. “You still look hot. Thank you.”

“It’s not a big deal. I get it.” She rested her head on my chest. “Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For being honest with me about your feelings. I want you to be able to trust me. I didn’t realize how hard it would be for you to accept my past. Like, I knew you wouldn’t judge me for what happened, but I forget that it must be tough for you anyway to think about me being with those guys. What I’m saying is that it means a lot to me that you want to be with me.”

“I’m not going to lie to you and say this is easy for me. Because it isn’t. No man wants to picture any one touching his girl ever, let alone thousands. I know it wasn’t your choice. I know it wasn’t your fault. In my head, that girl was Star.”

She had a gleam in her eye, like an inner glow from her soul. “But for me, I feel like you’re the only man that gets me. Because you saw me as Star. And you’re still here. You haven’t just read about my past, you saw me first hand like that. Fuck, I mean you hired me. Star is a part of me and I don’t want to forget about her. Ever. She made me strong. Nothing can shake me now. I’ve made peace with my past, getting taken, the rapes, the drugs, the men. Yeah, it was a nightmare. But it was my path. I was meant to be with you. Therapy and yoga helped me understand that. I feel like I can do anything, endure anything.”

I was mesmerized by her. I kissed her again and we walked out the door. She constantly amazed me with how strong she was. In BUD/S the men who make it through aren’t necessarily the strongest men, the fastest men, or the smartest men. But they are the ones who on day one are determined not to quit, no matter what. They will not ring that bell.

Annie was just like the men who made it. No matter how hard her life had been, she was determined not to ring that bell under any circumstances. She was exactly like me. She could survive anything.

Maybe even loving me.

We drove to Solana Beach to meet Chris. He picked the place, Zinc Café. I didn’t care; I just wanted to look him in his eyes.

The place was dog friendly, so I took Trigger. We walked into the courtyard, and Chris was sitting at a table, drinking some type of gourmet soda.

He hugged Annie and I made sure to study their body language. He wanted her for sure. Fuck.

“Nice to meet you. Thanks for saving her.”

He shook my hand: it was a decent handshake. He looked older than the pictures I’d seen of him on the web. His sun-streaked hair was long and brushed his shoulders, his tan skin was weathered, and his turquoise eyes had lines around them.

“I’m going to order for us.” Annie kissed me on the cheek and squeezed my hand. I knew she was telling me to be nice to him. But she still didn’t have a clue that I had an additional ulterior motive for wanting to meet him.

Annie walked into line.

Chris smiled at me. “I wanted to thank you for clearing my name. I know finding Annie was way more important and it’s not about me, but it was hard walking around having everyone look at you as a murderer. I felt so fucking guilty that I didn’t know what happened to her. I was so depressed thinking that she died, or was out there being traded around. I mean, I should’ve been able to protect her, but I didn’t. We were only eighteen and so stupid drinking. Just wanted to say there is nothing going on between us. I’m seeing someone.”

I’m glad he got that out of the way. He made strong eye contact and I believed him, even though I could tell he was still attracted to her. Not that I could blame him. “Thanks for that. I trust her. What do you know about her dad?”

Trigger sniffed Chris. “Mr. Hamilton? He’s great. Our fathers are old golfing buddies. He always believed I had nothing to do with Annie’s disappearance. Why?”

I wasn’t going to answer his questions. “How’s his relationship with Annie?”

A gust of wind blew his hair into his face. “Mr. Hamilton’s a tough guy. Very hard on Annie. Total perfectionist. When we were dating, he was always giving her a hard time about everything. Her grades, her clothes, her friends. And we hadn’t even told our parents when we went on the cruise. He’s old fashioned and Annie was sure he’d forbid her to go. I think in all honesty he’s embarrassed more than anything. He can’t handle the fact that she was a hooker.”

Made complete sense. Her dad cared more about his image than his own daughter. He couldn’t handle the shame he felt she brought on the family, so he left her to die. “It’s hard for me to deal with too. But it wasn’t her fault.”

The tables were so fucking tiny, our knees touched. I pushed my chair back. We looked like we were on a fucking date. I hoped Annie would come back to the table soon.

He leaned into me. “Man, I got to hand it to you. You’re the man. I respect the fuck out of what you do, being a SEAL. You saved her. But how do you deal with the fact that she’s been with so many men? You’re right—it wasn’t her fault. But you’re a better man than me. It would drive me crazy.”

“It does bother me. I try not to think about it.” I hated to admit it, but I liked Chris. He was honest and respectful.

Annie returned carrying three plates, like a waitress. She placed a burger in front of me.

I took a bite. It tasted great but there was one problem. “Did you order me a veggie burger?”

“That’s the only kind of burger they have. This place is vegetarian.”

Figured. I was not cut out for this surfer lifestyle.

“So, are you guys best friends yet?” Annie teased.

Chris dug his fork into some kind of weird grainy salad. Quinoa? Bulgur? No clue. “You bet. Hey, do you think you could ever give me a tour of the base? I’d love to see the obstacle course.”

“Sure buddy.” This guy was more of a fan than a threat. I’m glad I met him.

“See. I knew you two would hit it off.”

The rest of the lunch was uneventful. Chris talked about some surf competition he’d entered; guess the guy was pretty good. Seeing them together gave me a small glimpse of who Annie had been before she’d been taken: carefree, laid back, sweet. She had probably been the type of girl that would’ve never even considered dating a SEAL.

Annie went back into the café to get some dinner to go.

Chris stood up. “Nice meeting you, Pat. If you ever need anything, let me know. And I’ll always be here for Annie, even when you’re gone. But you don’t have to worry about us hooking up. I’d never do that to you. Seriously, dude. You finding her was the best thing that ever happened to me. You not only gave Annie her life back, you gave me back mine.”

“I’ll have a beer with you anytime, Chris. And let me know when you want to see the base.”

“I will. That would be awesome. Maybe you can come surfing with me?”

Had no desire to learn. I’d never surfed. But I’d try anything once. “Sounds good. Later, bro.”

Annie walked back out of the café, carrying a paper bag. “Bye, Chris.”

They hugged again and I just stared at Trigger. Friends. That’s all it was.

We climbed into my truck and Annie had a big grin on her face.

“What?”

“I knew you’d like him.”

“He’s cool. Different than how I thought he’d be.”

“See?” She rubbed my thigh. “I told you nothing was going on.”

We backed out of the parking lot, and drove away. She squeezed my hand.

“I’ll tell you what happened.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to.”

“No. I want to. I’m calm now. I just have to separate the experience from myself you know? I have to be in the right state of mind to talk about it.”

I nodded.

She took a deep breath and spoke in a whisper. “About two years after I was taken, these two American men came to the brothel. Not the same one you met me at, but a different one in Curaçao. They were in their mid-thirties, one guy had brown hair and one guy was a redhead.”

Holy shit. My muscles quivered. Dave was right. I didn’t want Annie to see any reaction from me. “Go on.”

“Well, the first time they showed up, they chose two other girls. But I swear to God that they both recognized me. When you picked me you never checked me out first, but that pimp allowed customers to ‘check out the merchandise.’ The redhead got right in my face, like he was checking me out, as he walked down the line. Looked straight at me, even stared at my ankle, like he was looking for my tattoo, you know? I thought for sure he was going to pick me that night but he didn’t. Around a week later they returned, but this time they chose Nicole and me. We’d been picked together before, sickos wanting to watch some girl on girl action. We were both cautious but hopeful, thinking maybe they would recognize us. I mean, they were American.”

I ground my teeth. This was almost unreal.

“So we went back to the room. They didn’t talk, just kind of motioned at us what they wanted us to do,” her hands made fists. “So after that, they just kind of lay there. They didn’t bolt like most guys do.” She pointed at me.

Guilty.

“So I thought they recognized us. I was so excited and still had hope back then. I opened my mouth to tell them, but Nicole tried to stop me. She didn’t want to get in trouble. But I didn’t care. So I whispered our names. Nicole had this look of sheer terror. The redhead, I remember, took this long, like, pained breath. I thought for sure he knew our stories, who we were. But the other man, he was just really cold. He stood up and they left. The redhead looked back at me when he left the room and mouthed, ‘I’m sorry.’ But I knew he believed me. I was so positive he was going to come back. And I guess I’d even convinced Nicole that we were going to be rescued. That at least they would share the sighting with my folks, and someone would come save us.”

My ears pounded. These motherfuckers, possible former SEALs, found these two Americans there, and just left them to die! They couldn’t be SEALs; we were bound to a higher code.

“Uncompromising integrity is my standard. My character and honor are steadfast.”

Granted, I clearly didn’t always live my life with uncompromising integrity. But I couldn’t fathom these men leaving these girls, knowing they were trafficked. In my defense, when I’d hired Annie to blow me, I didn’t think she was kidnapped.

Her hand was shaking now. “But after six months, nothing. I was so fucking mad at them. I mean why couldn’t they tell someone. This was my life that had been stolen. I was a sex slave. How could they know my identity and do nothing? And I was pissed at myself for believing that I would be saved. Nicole lost it. I mean, she went crazy. Started mouthing off to the pimps, refusing clients, begging for extra heroin. I pleaded with her to stay strong. We would find a way out. Somehow. Someday. Together. But she just wanted to die. She stole my drugs, and some from a few other girls and shot herself up. And I wanted to die too. She was all I had left. I couldn’t stop feeling sorry for myself. Why me? Of all the girls who gotten drunk on a cruise, why me? Then I remembered that before I was taken, I heard about a girl who had been kidnapped for ten years and escaped. It was possible. So why should I give up? I had to get out—for me, for Nicole. I had a life to live. I had to survive no matter what. That’s when I made the decision not to give up. That the next time that I met a man that I even thought could save me, I would take the chance. Risk it all.”

I wanted to pull over the car and hold her. We approached a stoplight, and I kissed her. “Thanks for telling me. It meant a lot to me. I’m not going to leave you, Annie. I’ll always be here for you.”

“I know. You’re my hero.”

We didn’t talk for the reminder of the drive home. But my thoughts raced. There was no more doubt. I was one hundred percent committed to Annie. Committed to making her happy.

But I still didn’t have the entire story straight. Who were these men, who hired them, and why did they leave them behind, when according to Dave, they were completely capable of saving them?

The only thing I was sure of is that I wouldn’t rest until I found out what the fuck was going on.