Kaleidoscope (Danielle Steel) читать бесплатно онлайн полную версию книги (ч. 4)

“Hello, Mr. Patterson.” she said, quietly, and as he trembled, she bent down and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for bringing me here.” But he was trembling so violently, he couldn't speak. He only took her hand and squeezed it hard, with the last of his strength, and then allowed her to assist him downstairs with the help of one nurse, and when they had settled him in a comfortable chair in the large sitting room, he stared up at her and spoke at last in a voice hoarse from his illness.

“My God, you look so much like her. Are you Alexandra or Megan?” He still remembered little Hilary's jet-black hair, exactly like her father's.

“I am Alexandra, sir.” She looked serious and deeply touched and he began to cry again as she spoke.

“You even have the same accent. Through all those years, she always had that lilt of French …” He shook his head, stunned by the resemblance between Alexandra and her mother. And it was an odd feeling for Alexandra, to be so like someone she had never known, and yet who was her mother.

“Were you very fond of her?” It was something to talk about as they waited for the others. John had appeared again and he offered her a glass of wine, which she declined. She wanted to concentrate on Arthur Patterson and wait for her sisters. She was growing more tense and excited with each passing moment.

But he nodded his head now, thinking of Alexandra's questions. “Yes, I was very fond of her … she was such a lovely girl … so beautiful, so proud … so strong … with so much life in her …” With a faded smile, he told Alexandra of the first time he and Sam had seen her in Paris. “I thought she was going to call the M.P.'s on us, and she would have … except that your father was so damn handsome and charming.” He smiled, thinking back to Sam. What good friends they had been, and what good times they had had in the war years. “He was a wonderful actor too.” He told her about some of his plays, as she listened quietly, and then suddenly there was the sound of a car outside, and John disappeared, and a moment later they heard voices.

Arthur seemed to be listening too, and unconsciously, he reached out and took Alexandra's hand and held it firmly in his own, just as the front door opened. And from where he was sitting, he could see her as she entered. She looked around, just as Alexandra had done, and then saw them watching her, and like a shy child, she walked into the room, looking suddenly like a younger double of Alexandra.

Alexandra rose slowly to her feet and instinctively walked to her with outstretched arms. It was like finding a piece of the past and looking in the mirror all at the same time. The only difference was that Alexandra's eyes were blue and Megan's were green, like Solange's. But otherwise, it was obvious that they were sisters. “Megan?” she asked in a cautious voice, but it was obvious who she was. The younger girl nodded, and they went into each other's arms, with tears in their eyes, even though they had both promised themselves that they were going to control their emotions. And as Alexandra held her close, she felt for a moment as though she remembered.

“You look so much like me!” Megan laughed through her tears and hugged her again, and then pulled away to observe her with a wry smile. “Except you don't dress as well.” She was still wearing the jeans and hiking boots and T-shirt she had worn at the hospital until she'd left that afternoon. But it was what she usually wore in any case, just like Rebecca. “My God, you're beautiful.” She laughed, and shyly stepped back as Alexandra took her hand, and then took it upon herself to introduce her to Arthur.

“How do you do, Mr. Patterson,” Megan greeted him politely, almost like a young girl, and he stared at her with satisfaction. She was almost as pretty as Solange, but not quite, and she didn't have Alexandra's sophistication, but she had something of her own that stood out, a kind of purity and intelligence that were clearly etched on her face. She looked like a lovely young woman.

“So you're the doctor, are you?”

“Yes, sir. Just about. I'm finishing my residency right now. I'll be all through by Christmas.”

He nodded again, looking from one woman to the other. There was no bitterness there, no anger, they had led good lives and it showed. He had chosen well for them … but not for poor Hilary. After Chapman's warning, he was afraid of what she would say to him if she came, but nonetheless he wanted to see her.

They waited until almost eight o'clock, alternately silent and then speaking all at once, nervous and uncomfortable and strange, with Arthur telling them stories of the past, and Megan and Alexandra trying to share their lives with him and each other. Alexandra had brought photographs of the girls, and Henri, and her parents. Megan had done the same, bringing photographs of Rebecca and David, the house in Tiburon, and the hospital where she worked in Kentucky. It was as though they wanted to bring each other up to date as quickly as possible. They had thirty years to account for. And it was obvious how different their lives were. The hospital in Kentucky stood out next to the photographs of the girls in front of the villa in Cap-Ferrat. And Henri looked every inch the seigneur in front of his chateau in Dordogne, as the photographs of Margaret and Rebecca stood side by side for a moment, the one in jeans with a flower in her hair, the other in an evening dress going to a ball in Monte Carlo the year before. And Megan mentioned it with a shy smile as they walked in to dinner with Arthur walking slowly behind them with John's assistance.

“It's funny how different our lives have been, isn't it? And yet we're still sisters … we still look alike … we still come from the same parents, and probably have similar likes and dislikes and habits we've inherited without even knowing it. And yet look at us, you grew up in all that pomp and circumstance in France, and I spent half my childhood living with friends, while my parents went to jail for causes they believed in.” And yet she didn't sound unhappy. She sounded proud of them, and she was. It was all amazing to think about, and it silenced both of them as they took their seats on either side of Arthur. John's place was next to Megan, and there was an empty chair next to Alexandra, and it was becoming obvious now that Hilary was not going to join them. Alexandra felt her heart sink, and made idle chitchat for a while, as Arthur seemed to doze, and then suddenly there was the sound of a car outside. John left the table quietly. There were angry voices outside, and then suddenly the front door flew open, as the two women watched, mesmerized, and Arthur woke up, as though he sensed that someone else was coming to see him.

“Did something happen?” He asked Alexandra, confused for an instant as he woke up and she patted his hand, never taking her eyes from the door, and then she saw her. Tall and thin and lanky as their father had been, with a long stride, and jet-black hair, and green eyes that she suddenly turned on them. She was wearing a wrinkled navy linen business suit. She had had every intention of not coming, and then suddenly after work she had decided to rent a car and come up and tell Arthur once and for all what she thought of him. And then maybe she would be free of him for the rest of her life. She didn't even care if she saw the others. They were strangers to her now. It was Arthur who interested her as she strode into the room and stood facing him, but it was impossible to ignore the two women with red hair who flanked him, and her eyes were drawn first to Megan, and then to Alexandra, as John stood carefully just behind her. He could sense the tension in the room, the anguish of the woman who stood so close to him. He wanted to put his arms around her but she looked as though she might explode, and then suddenly she stopped, as her eyes met Alexandra's, and Alexandra came slowly to her feet and crossed the room like a sleepwalker and the words escaped her without rhyme or reason.

“H … Hillie …” She could see the face of a little girl with long black hair, and yet here was this woman … with the same black hair … the same green eyes … without knowing why, she started to cry, and without wanting to, Hilary's arms went around her.

“Axie … little Axie …” It was the first time she'd held her since the day they'd torn her from her, and left her alone with Eileen and Jack in Charlestown, crying for the sisters she had so dearly loved, and she could barely stand the pain now of remembering it, as she held the tall, perfumed, beautifully coiffed woman from Paris … except all she saw there was the face of the child she had once loved, and she whispered the same words over and over again as she cried … “I love you, Axie …” They held each other like that for a long time, as Megan watched silently, and then suddenly Arthur began to cough, and John hurried to give him a glass of water. The housekeeper who was serving them dinner brought the pills the nurse had given her, and Megan checked the dose and gave them to John, as Hilary slowly turned toward them. “You must be Megan.” She smiled through her tears, and held Alexandra's hand as they pulled apart from their embrace. “You've changed quite a bit since the last time I saw you.” The three women laughed, but Hilary's eyes clouded as she saw the old man, and she held tight to Alexandra's hand as she spoke to him. “I said I wouldn't come, and I meant it, Arthur.” He nodded, meeting her eyes with fear and pain, and he saw everything there that he had dreaded seeing. She hated him, and one could see it there like black poison. But he also knew he deserved it. He knew better than anyone. “I never wanted to see you again.”

“I'm glad you did come, Hillie,” Alexandra said in her gentle voice. “I wanted so much to see you … both,” she added, smiling at Megan, but Hilary wasn't smiling now, and she dropped her sister's hand as she advanced on Arthur.

“Why did you do this to us? Bring us here after all these years, to taunt us with what we didn't have, what we missed, who we might have been if we'd stayed together?”

He choked on his own words, and clutched the table with both hands as he faced her. “I felt I owed it to you to make up to you for what I'd done.” He could barely breathe as he spoke to her, but it didn't faze her.

“And do you think you can make it up?” She laughed bitterly and they all ached for her, but John was frightened of what she would do now. She had waited thirty years for this, and he had always sensed the full measure of her hatred for Arthur. “Do you really think you can wipe out thirty years of loneliness and pain with one dinner?”

“Your sisters have been luckier than you, Hilary.” He spoke honestly. “And they don't hate me as much as you do.”

“They don't know as much as I do … do they, Arthur … do they?” She shouted into the silent room, the words echoing off the walls as he trembled.

“That's all in the past, Hilary.” It was a conversation between only the two of them. Only they knew of what they were speaking, as the others wondered.

“Is it? How about you? Have you been able to live with yourself for all these years, after killing my parents?” Her green eyes blazed and Alexandra advanced to gently touch her arm, but Hilary shook her off.

“Hillie, don't … it doesn't matter now …”

“Doesn't it?” She wheeled on her sister. “How do you know that? How could you possibly know, living the good life in France, while I sat on my ass in juvenile hall, after getting raped, trying to figure out how to find you. And that son of a bitch didn't even know where you were, he didn't know where any of us were. He didn't even care enough to keep track of us after he ripped you out of my arms that day, crying and sobbing … you don't remember that now, but I do. I've remembered it … I've remembered both of you …” She looked from Alexandra to Megan, “… every day of my life and I've cried for you because I never found you. And now you tell me it doesn't matter? That I shouldn't hate him for killing our parents? How can you say that?” The tears were pouring down her cheeks unashamedly.

“But he didn't kill them.” Alexandra spoke for herself and Megan. “His only failing was in not keeping us together, or keeping track of us over the years, but perhaps he couldn't help it.” She looked benevolently at the old man, and Megan silently nodded, unable to understand why Hilary hated him so much. He had failed them, but he had not betrayed them the way Hilary said. But she was shaking her head and laughing at them through her tears.

“You don't know anything. You were babies. I was standing there the night Mama died … the night Daddy killed her … I was listening … I heard what they said …” She began to sob and John stood nearby, ready to help her if she collapsed or needed him. He was near her, as he had been for months, although she didn't know it. “I heard her screams …” Hilary went on, “when he hit her and hit her and hit her, and then strangled her into silence until she died. …” She was gulping down the sobs and she stood right in front of Arthur now. “And do you know why he did that?” Her eyes never left Arthur's face, she had waited a lifetime for this. “He did it because she was having an affair with him, and she told father so….” She was listening to the voices of the past as she spoke, and she almost looked as though she were in another world, remembering back to the night her father had killed her mother. “He had been cheating on her, she said, with lots of different women for years … all his leading ladies, she said … and he said it wasn't true … he said she was crazy … and she said she had proof … she knew who he'd just taken to California … who he'd been with the night before … and she said it didn't make any difference to her anymore … that she had someone of her own, and that if he wasn't careful, she'd leave him and take us with her. And he said he'd kill her if she did, and she laughed … she kept laughing at him … and he said she could never take away his baby girls … and she laughed … and then she told him who it was….” She was crying so hard she could hardly speak, but she went on, as Arthur shook more and more violently in his seat and she stood inches from him, shouting down at him and crying. “She told him, didn't she, Arthur … didn't she?” Hilary shouted. And then she looked at her sisters, and told them what she had always known, and they hadn't. “She was having an affair with Arthur, Daddy's best friend … and he said he would kill her for it, and she only laughed, and when he told her she couldn't take us away, she told him that only two of us were his anyway….” There was a stunned silence in the room, and Arthur sat back in his chair as though he'd been struck by lightning. And Hilary's voice was quiet when she spoke this time. She had done what she had come for. “She told him that Megan was Arthur's child,” she said in a dull voice, staring down at him with contempt. “And then Daddy killed her.” She sank into the chair next to him, crying softly, as Alexandra put an arm around her shoulders and the old man whimpered softly in his chair.

“I never knew … she never told me…” He looked at Megan pathetically. “You must believe me. … I never knew … I always thought you were his, like the others….” He was crying openly, and Megan looked even more shocked than she had at the rest of the recital. And Arthur seemed to be making his excuses to the room in general. “If I had known. …” But Hilary only looked at him and shook her head.

“What would you have done differently? Kept her with you, and left the rest of us to rot? You wouldn't have done anything. You didn't stand by my mother, or your own child, you betrayed your best friend, and what you did killed them both. You have their blood on your hands … and ours, without you, our lives would have been very different. How could you live with yourself all these years, knowing what you'd done? How could you defend him after betraying him?”

“He begged me to, Hilary. … I didn't want to. I begged him to let me find him another attorney. But he didn't want me to. And in truth, he didn't want to live after your mother died.” His voice dropped down to a whisper. “Neither did I. It ended both our lives … I loved her deeply from the first moment I saw her.” The tears rolled down his cheeks as Megan stared at him. He was no longer just a family friend. This was her father.

And Hilary stared at him emptily, as though seeing him for the first time. He was an old, dying man, and there was no undoing what he had done. For him, it was all over, no matter whose blood was on his hands. The blood was long since dry … the people all but forgotten. She stood up then, and looked down at him. “I came here to tell you how much I hated you. And do you know something strange, Arthur, after all these years, I'm not really sure it still matters.” She felt Alexandra's hand on her shoulder and turned to look into her eyes. She was exhausted from the emotions of the evening and turned to look at both the girls. “I loved you both a great deal a long time ago … but maybe that's too far in the past too …” She felt drained, spent, she had nothing left to give or take, but Alexandra wouldn't let her go, and Megan was watching her too. She was the one to speak first.

“It's a long time ago for all of us, but we still came. I didn't remember any of you. And I didn't know Mr. Patterson was my father. We came to honor the past, but also to go on from here. We all have other parents now, other lives, other people we care about. We haven't lived in a void for thirty years, none of us, not even you with your anger and your hatred.” It was a quiet reproach but it was powerful and it struck home. “You can't just come here and drop a bomb like this in our laps, and then go. You owe it to us to repair the wounds, just as we owe it to you to do the same. And that's why we all came here.” There were tears slowly running down her cheeks, as she looked at Hilary, and John Chapman silently wanted to cheer her. It would ruin everything if Hilary left now. It would destroy her life once and for all. She had to stay, in spite of Arthur, and face them.

Hilary looked at Alexandra, as though seeking confirmation and she nodded and spoke in her quiet voice. “Please stay Hillie … I've waited so long for this.” They had all taken such risks, paid such a high price. She had defied Henri, possibly at great expense, all for the pleasure of seeing her sisters. “It took a lot of courage to come here. For all of us. My husband forbade me to come here … I don't even know if he will take me back now. And my mother … the woman I know as my mother has come with me, and she is very frightened of what all this will mean. She is afraid that after all this time she will lose me.” There were tears in her eyes as she spoke to Hilary, and Megan was nodding with tears in her own eyes. Rebecca was terrified of what seeing her sisters would mean to her. They had talked for an hour on the phone the night before, and she had promised she would call as soon as possible to reassure her. “You have lost more than any of us, Hilary … but you are not alone … we love you, even now. You cannot turn your back on us.” And then putting her arms around her again, she cried softly. “I won't let you.” Hilary stood tall and straight for a long moment, and then her arms went around Alexandra … how could she know what her life had been like? But it wasn't her fault … or Megan's … or maybe even Arthur's. She hated to admit that now, but it was possible. He had been a fool and he had paid a high price for it. He looked at Hilary sorrowfully over Alexandra's shoulder.

“Can you ever forgive me, all of you?” But he was looking at the oldest of the three and she took a long time to answer.

“I don't know … I don't know what I feel….” But she held tight to Alexandra and her eyes reached out to Megan.

“I'm glad you came anyway. The three of you had a right to be together. And if I had been a different kind of man, I would have defied my wife and kept you all myself. I wanted to, but she had such strong feelings about it that I didn't dare go against her. I'm sorry now, but it's too late to make any difference.” He looked mournfully at Hilary, and then at the child he had turned away, who was his own daughter. “I made a terrible mistake. But I've paid for it. I've been a lonely man all my life … ever since your mother died….” He couldn't go on. He only shook his head and then stood up shakily, as John Chapman and one of the nurses came to help him. “I'm going upstairs now. We all have a lot to think about.” Hilary's revelation had shocked them all, particularly Megan and Arthur. In a strange way, she now wondered if she was responsible for her mother's death … if she hadn't been born, would Sam have killed her? But it was too late to think about that, too late to cry over what had happened thirty years before. It was time to move on, as best they could. And he turned to them again before he left the room. “I want you all to stay for as long as you can … for as long as you want to. This will be your home one day; I am leaving it to all of you, so you have a place to come, a home together finally, and a place to bring your families and your children. I'll stay out of your way while you're here, but I want you to stay here and get to know each other.” Alexandra and Megan thanked him quietly, and Megan rose quickly to help him upstairs, as Hilary watched, saying nothing. And when he was gone, she turned to Alexandra and shook her head.

“I don't know if I'll ever stop hating him, Axie.” It was still so easy to call her that, even after all these years, and the younger of the two smiled.

“You will. You have to. There's nothing left to hate anymore. He's almost gone.” Hilary nodded. It was clear that the man wouldn't live much longer. “I'm only grateful that he brought us together in time. That he still cared enough to do that.” They walked slowly upstairs arm in arm, and Hilary walked into Alexandra's bedroom, thinking suddenly of the room they had shared in Jack and Eileen's house, the three of them in one bed, as she tried to keep the baby from crying so Eileen wouldn't beat them.

“What are your children like?” She sat down in the rocking chair. It was a comfortable room, but she hadn't decided yet to spend the night. She just wanted to sit and talk for a while with Axie.

Alexandra smiled at the question. “Marie-Louise looks a lot like you. She has your eyes … and Axelle looks a lot like photographs of me as a little girl. She's six … and Marie-Louise is twelve. I lost a little boy in between them.” And with a slice of pain, Hilary remembered her own abortion for the first time in years. She had been so careful after that to avoid any contact with children, and now she suddenly had two nieces. “Do you still remember your French?”

“Some.” Hilary smiled. “Not much, I guess.”

“Marie-Louise and Axelle speak English anyway, thanks to my mother.”

“What's your husband like?” Hilary was curious about so many things about her … her husband … her parents … her life … her children … her habits … She wanted to know if they were alike. If after all these years, they had anything in common. And marriage was certainly not one of them. Hilary had assiduously avoided it.

Alexandra sighed, feeling very honest. “He's difficult. And intelligent. And demanding. He wants to run everything, from the house to the office and back again. And he expects nothing less than perfection.”

“Don't you mind that?” She looked intrigued, her green eyes watching Alexandra as she shrugged and smiled.

“Not really. I'm used to it. And underneath his gruff exterior, I know he loves us … or he did.” She sighed. “I don't know what's going to happen now. He was shocked when I told him our story … I mean about our parents….”

“It's not very pretty, is it?”

“Especially for Megan,” Alexandra added softly, just as she came down the hall. Megan had put Arthur to bed. He had been in terrible pain, and he was crying. And she had given him an injection to sedate him.

“He's not going to live much longer.” She spoke quietly as she walked into the room, and Hilary noticed as John had, how much she sounded like Alexandra. “I suspect he's got metastases everywhere. But he's still very alert.”

“The old bastard.” Hilary spoke in an undertone and Megan turned on her with flashing eyes.

“Don't talk about him like that. He's repented for his sins … he brought us here. What more do you want from him?”

“Something he can't give us,” Hilary shot back at her. “The past … something decent we could have shared, instead of the heartbreak of tearing us apart.”

“We survived in spite of that … even you, Hilary. Look at you, you're a big success. You have a fantastic job, a nice life.” But it was an empty one, as only she knew, and Alexandra suspected. There was no one she cared about, and no one who cared about her, no one she was aware of anyway. And as they talked, John Chapman appeared in the doorway. He had disappeared discreetly for a while, and he suspected they would be talking late into the night. They had a lot of things to resolve, and a lot to learn about each other. And his job was finally over.

“Will we see you. again, John?” Alexandra was the first to ask, and he shook his head, with a bittersweet smile.

“Not unless you want to look for someone else sometime, and I hope you never have to. My job's all done.” And then in a soft voice, he added, “I'm going to miss you.” He had been living with each of them for months, hunting them down, seeking them out, getting to know them. And it suddenly came to him that he would miss Hilary most of all. He had ached so much for her past, and he had been too late to help her. “Good luck to all of you.”

“Thank you.” They each stood up and shook hands with him, and Megan kissed him gently on the cheek with a shy smile. She had really liked him.

“If you ever get to Kentucky, call me.”

“Will you be there long?” he asked, hating to leave them, and she smiled at him, with the red hair that was exactly her mother's, and Alexandra's.

“I'll be through with my residency in December, but I'm pretty sure I'll stay on. I haven't told my parents yet,” she shrugged with an easy laugh and she looked very young again, “but I think they already kind of expect it. My Dad does anyway. He knows how crazy I am.” They exchanged a long warm smile, and then Alexandra hugged him.

“Take care of yourself.” She mothered everyone, and it touched him as she patted his shoulder afterward. “Thank you for everything.”

“Don't let anyone talk you into dying your hair again … you look beautiful….”

“Thank you,” she blushed and he smiled and Hilary held out a hand and gruffly thanked him.

“I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time in my office … I was fighting all this.…” And then with great effort in a low voice, “But I'm glad I came.” She looked at both of her sisters, and her eyes filled with tears again, and then she looked back at him and without invitation he gently pulled her into his arms and she nestled there as he held her, wishing he could keep her there forever. There was still so much life owed her.

“You're going to be all right now, Hilary … it's going to be just fine….” His voice touched a place in her that had been closed for a long time, and she was sorry when she pulled away and looked up into his eyes with a shy smile.

“Come and see me sometime at the network.”

“I'll do that. Maybe we can have lunch sometime.”

She nodded, unable to say anything, she had to turn away as the tears coursed down her face. After so many years of isolation, she was surrounded by people she cared about deeply, and who seemed to love her.

It was Alexandra who put her arms around her this time, and smoothed back her hair as they walked John Chapman downstairs and waved as he drove away. And she and Hilary walked back upstairs again to Hilary's room. She had been given a room adjoining Alexandra's and Hilary changed into her nightgown and came back to chat, as Megan and Alexandra talked about Paris and Kentucky and the south of France, and whether or not Megan ever wanted to have children. She wasn't sure if it would interfere with her career or not, but Alexandra was telling her it was her greatest joy, as Hilary sat down in the rocking chair and shook her head in amazement. It was extraordinary being back together after all these years, and talking as though they had always been there.

“I never wanted kids, and I never regretted it,” Hilary lied, thinking back for a flash of a moment to the abortion. “Well, I don't know … maybe I did when I was younger. It's too late now anyway.”

“How old are you?” Megan frowned. She had momentarily forgotten. She was thirty-one, and Hilary was … eight years older.

“Thirty-nine.”

“These days most women don't even have their first child till then. In this part of the world at least.” She smiled. “Where I work, I see them having their first babies at twelve and thirteen, younger than that even sometimes. It's amazing.” It was a whole other world from this comfortable old house in Connecticut, and the lives her sisters led in the places where they lived. And then suddenly she laughed. “Isn't it amazing how different we all are, and yet how similar? I live in the hills of Kentucky,” she said, looking at Alexandra then, “… and you live in a fancy house in Paris, and a chateau somewhere else, and a villa in the south of France in the summer,” and then she turned to Hilary, “and you practically run a television network. Isn't it amazing?”

“It would have been more so,” Hilary said quietly, “if we could have seen each other twenty-five years ago. My life wasn't so pleasant then.”

“What was it like?” Megan finally asked what they both wanted to know, and little by little, over the next two hours, with tears streaming down her face, she told them. All of it. The uglier and the ugliest, and the tragic and the brutal. But it helped to share it with them, and whereas she had once been the one who protected them, they comforted her now, and Alexandra held her hand, as Megan told her story, of sit-ins in Mississippi, and the time her father had been shot on a rainy night in east Georgia, of what decent people they were, and how totally they believed in their causes, and how much she loved them. And then Alexandra told them about Margaret, and Pierre before he died, and her life with Henri, and how she was afraid that now he would divorce her.

“He'd be a damn fool if he did.” Hilary spoke up, as she flung her long black hair over her shoulder, in a gesture that struck a chord of memory for Alexandra as she watched her.

“He is so obsessed with his lineage, and you have to admit, ours is a bit exotic for someone like my husband.” The three of them laughed and the sun came up as they talked. They went to bed amid yawns and kisses and hugs and promises to meet again in the morning. They all slept until noon, and Alexandra was the first one to get up. She called her mother and the children at the hotel, but they were out, and she left a message that all was well and she would be home on Sunday night. And then she thought about calling Henri, but she didn't know what to say, so she went back upstairs and showered and dressed, and when she came back downstairs again, Megan was wearing a clean pair of jeans and a white blouse with a ribbon in her hair. And she looked more like a little girl than a doctor, and Alexandra said so. The two of them chatted over coffee and hot biscuits, and one of Arthur's nurses informed them that he had had a difficult night, so Megan went upstairs to check on him, just as Hilary came downstairs in shorts and a silk shirt, her black hair pulled severely into a bun, and her feet bare as she came to breakfast. She looked somehow much younger than she had the night before, and Alexandra realized that they all did. They were traveling back in time, and burdens that had aged them were falling from their shoulders. In her case it was the fear of what Henri would do to her, and that no one would love her anymore if he divorced her. If he did, she still had Margaret, and the girls, and now she had these two women to support her. It didn't seem so terrifying anymore. In fact, she felt good, and for the first time in a long time, she didn't feel frightened.

“Late night, last night, wasn't it?” Hilary smiled lazily over her coffee. “What'll we do today? We could talk ourselves to death by tomorrow night, if we don't watch out.” She and Alexandra both laughed, and Alexandra looked at her thoughtfully. “You're going back tomorrow night too?” The message she had left at the hotel said she would. She didn't want to abandon her mother and the girls for too long. She had promised to spend a week with them in New York, and she knew her daughters would wear her mother out eventually.

“I have to,” Hilary answered. “I have some important meetings scheduled for Monday morning.” So what else was new? When didn't she? She grinned. “When are you going back?”

“To New York, tomorrow night. I left my mother at the Pierre with Axelle and Marie-Louise. I think by tomorrow night she'll have reached her breaking point, even though she's very good with them. But they're a handful.” Alexandra paused, thinking of Margaret and how worried she had been about this meeting. “I also feel like I should get back to reassure her. I think she was afraid I would stop loving her when I met my sisters, as though she wouldn't really be my family anymore. I owe her a little reassurance.”

Hilary nodded and smiled. “I could drive you in, if you like. We could go out to dinner this week … or lunch …” She looked at her hopefully, like a shy child with a new best friend, and Alexandra's eyes lit up in answer.

“I would love it. And you could meet the girls! We're going to be here for a week. And then,” she said triumphantly, Henri de Morigny be damned, “you could come to visit us in Paris!”

“That's a great idea!” Hilary laughed, as Megan joined them.

“What are you two cooking up today?” She was smiling but her eyes were serious.

“Just a little mischief in New York,” Hilary smiled at her. She still thought of her as “the baby.” “Care to join us? You could stay at my place with me.”

“Or at the Pierre with us,” Alexandra offered, but Megan had already made another decision.

“I'd love to, and I'll come and visit both of you as soon as I can. But I'm going to stay here for a few days. He seems much worse today,” her eyes indicated Arthur upstairs. “I'd like to be here if anything happens.” And it was obvious that it was going to very soon. It was the only thing she could do for him now, her first and last gift to him as his daughter, to be with him when he died. She tried to explain her feelings about it later to Alexandra, as they strolled in the garden. “He seems so pathetic … and so frail … as though he's already gone. I know Hilary hates his guts, but I have no ax to grind with him. I had a good life. I love the only parents I've known … he's kind of like a late gift in life. Someone who might have meant something to me once, but it's too late now. It's too late to do anything but say good-bye and help him go. And if I can help him do that, it would make me happy.”

“Then that's what you should do, Megan.” Alexandra smiled at her. In an odd way, she reminded her of her daughters.

They had a quiet dinner that night. The housekeeper was extremely discreet and left them alone most of the time, and eventually they began talking about John Chapman.

“I thought he was going to attack me when he forced his way into my office.” Hilary laughed, and Alexandra smiled, and blushed as she often did.

“The first time I saw him I thought he was very handsome.”

“So did I,” Megan confessed, and the three women laughed like three young girls and speculated about his wife.

“I think he said he was divorced.” Alexandra frowned, trying to remember, but Hilary shrugged. She hadn't opened her heart to anyone in years, and it was enough to have done so to two sisters. It had been an exhausting twenty-four hours. But it was like coming home, to the warm, comfortable country house, their ship finally safe in the harbor.

Chapter 31

The next day, they sat on the porch and talked for a long time. They promised to visit, and to write, and all three of them cried as Hilary and Alexandra got in the car, and drove away, waving to Megan until they could no longer see her. She had promised to stop and have dinner with both of them in New York that week, before she flew back to Kentucky. And Alexandra had tiptoed into Arthur's room to say good-bye to him, but Megan had just given him a shot and he was sleeping. He had opened one eye, and smiled at her, as though seeing someone else, and then drifted off again, as Hilary stood and watched from the doorway. She had nothing more to say to him, and she looked at him for a long moment, before she turned and walked downstairs, and got in the car to leave with Alexandra.

“Do you think he will die soon?” Alexandra asked, as they drove back to New York. She was sorry for him. He was so alone and so lonely, and she was glad Megan had decided to stay with him.

“Probably. He's done what he wanted to do.” Her voice held no tenderness for him, but at least it no longer held anger.

They got to the hotel just before dinnertime, and Alexandra insisted that she come upstairs and meet the girls and Margaret, and finally after some protest that she wasn't dressed properly, it was late … when in truth, she was scared to meet Alexandra's family, what if they hated her? … she finally went upstairs with her. They looked like two girls returning from camp, slightly disheveled, but relaxed and happy, and Alexandra opened the door to the suite with her key, and heard Hilary gasp as Axelle ran toward her.

“Hi, sweetheart … look who I brought! …” She acted as though Santa Claus had come home with her, and Axelle stopped in her tracks and stared at the tall, dark-haired woman who was openly crying.

“Who is she?”

“She's my sister,” Alexandra said as she began to cry too, and reached out for Hilary's hand. “We haven't seen each other for a long, long time. And we have another sister named Megan … but she couldn't come tonight. This is your Aunt Hilary.” She spoke in a gentle voice and Axelle went to her cautiously as Hilary opened her arms and began to sob. All she could do was whisper the words of long ago. … “Oh, Axie …”

Marie-Louise came next and kissed her solemnly, and even Hilary could see how much they resembled each other. It was like having a daughter of her own, and they held hands as Alexandra introduced her to her mother.

“Maman, this is Hilary … Hilary, this is my mother. Margaret de Borne …” And suddenly all three of them were crying, and Margaret took Hilary in her arms, like another daughter.

“How are you? Are you both all right? I've been so worried about you!”

Alexandra smiled and wiped her eyes, and Hilary did the same, and looked down at the girls with a grin. “Aren't we a mess? But I haven't seen your Mommy in a long, long time …”

“Why?” It was all a little confusing for the girls, and Alexandra sat down with Axelle on her lap as she looked from her to Marie-Louise to Hilary and her mother.

“A lot of very sad things happened to us a long time ago, and we never saw each other again after I was five years old, just a little younger than Axelle. And Hilary grew up in a lot of very sad places. And we missed each other very much, and we just couldn't get together till now.”

“Oh,” Axelle said, as though it all made sense to her now, and Marie-Louise nodded. And then Axelle added something important of her own. “We went to the Bronx Zoo yesterday, and then we saw the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall!” And everyone laughed, as Margaret ordered champagne for all of them. And when Alexandra put the girls to bed, Margaret told Hilary quietly how relieved she was that the meeting had gone well for them. She admitted that she had been very worried.

“Alexandra loves you very much.” Hilary comforted her, surprised by how much she liked her. She was a woman with warmth and courage and style, and a wonderful sense of humor. “She told us all about you and her father. Nothing will ever change what she feels for you, and what you did for her. In her heart, you will always be her parents.”

Tears rolled down Margaret's cheeks at the words, and she patted Hilary's hand gratefully and then asked her a question. “And Henri? Did she mention him?” Hilary nodded. “He hasn't called since we left. He took all of this very badly. It was a great shock to him, and I think she was wrong to have told him.”

“She wants to be accepted as she is, I think. That's very important to her. And I can't disagree. He'll have to adjust. Just as we have.” She sounded matter-of-fact.

Margaret smiled ruefully at her. “You don't know her husband.”

“What's all this about?” Alexandra had just come back from putting the girls to bed, in spite of their protests that they wanted to stay up with their aunt, but she had promised them that they would see her the next day. “The girls want to have lunch with you tomorrow, by the way. Are you free?”

“For you? Hell, yes!” Hilary grinned. She could hardly wait to show the girls around the network, take them out to lunch, and to “21” for dinner. She was suddenly an aunt, and amazed at how much she liked it.

They made their plans for the following day, and Margaret smiled as she listened to them, and kissed Hilary as she would her own daughter when she left. And then she looked deep into Alexandra's eyes.

“You're happier, aren't you, sweetheart?”

Alexandra nodded. “Yes, I am. It meant a lot to me to meet the two of them … even more than I thought it would. I'm so glad we came.” She threw her arms around Margaret and held her tight. “And I'm so glad you came with me.”

“So am I.” The older woman had to fight back tears again. They had all cried a lot in the past few days. And then Alexandra told her about Megan. “What a shock for Mr. Patterson.” She looked horrified.

“It was. I thought it might kill him. Megan's staying with him for a few days. She doesn't think he'll live more than that.” It was sad to think about, but maybe Hilary was right. He had done what he had wanted to do, and now he could go in peace, holding the hand of his daughter.

Chapter 32

Their lunch with the girls the next day was great fun, and Margaret insisted on leaving them alone with the children. She said she had some errands to do on her own, and she wanted some time to herself, and Hilary and Alexandra had a marvelous time with the girls. After some major juggling, Hilary even managed to take the afternoon off, and they went to the park, and then the Plaza for tea. And over the girls' heads, as they munched on petits fours, Hilary and Alexandra mused about what it would have been like if their parents hadn't died, and they had gone on living the good life in New York, living on Sutton Place, their father a star, and doing things like taking them to have tea at the Plaza.

“I guess we'll never know, will we, Axie? But this isn't so bad.” Hilary smiled as they strolled outside and crossed the street to the Pierre where Alexandra and the girls were staying. She had dinner with them that night at the hotel, and when she went back to her apartment she was exhausted. She was not used to children, and as delightful as they were, they were much more tiring than a day at the office.

The phone was ringing when she got inside her front door and she was surprised to realize that it was John Chapman. Megan had called him an hour before. Arthur had died peacefully in his sleep, and the funeral was in two days in Connecticut. Megan was staying for that and then going back to Kentucky.

“I thought you'd like to know. I'd be happy to drive you out.” She thought about it for a long moment and then shook her head in the quiet apartment.

“I don't think so, John. I don't think it's my place to be there.” Although she had a suspicion Alexandra would go, but that was different, because Alexandra herself was very different.

“Are you still angry?”

“Maybe not. I'm not sure yet. And in any case it's over now. I just don't think I need to be there.” It was honest in any case, and John was embarrassed at how grateful he was for a reason to call her, even this one.

“How was the weekend?”

“The happiest in my life. It was wonderful. I spent the whole afternoon with my nieces today. They're terrific, and so is Alexandra. So is Megan …” And then with embarrassment, “Thank you for everything you did to bring us together, John.” She was much more grateful to him than to Arthur.

“Mr. Patterson made it possible. All I did was find you.” … and think about you day and night … and worry about you and your sisters … and spend sleepless nights … “I was wondering if … if you'd like to have lunch sometime? Like maybe later this week, after I get back from Connecticut….” He felt like a fifteen-year-old kid and he laughed. “This probably sounds crazy, but I miss you …” His voice trailed off and what he had said had touched her. She seemed so open suddenly to tenderness and pain and other people's feelings. And she sensed something very powerful and warm coming from him, and it aroused a host of new feelings in her. The weekend had given her something she'd never had before, not in thirty years. Love. And she was like a flower that had just been watered.

“I used to worry about you a lot.” It was easier saying things to her on the phone than it would have been in person.

“Why?” She sounded surprised. “You didn't even know me.”

“Yes, I did … in a lot of ways … I knew you better than most people know their own children.” And he told himself he was crazy for telling her those things, but suddenly he couldn't stop now. “You must think I'm nuts.”

“Sort of.” She laughed. “But nice nuts. Sounds like you take your job to heart.”

“Not always … but this time … When can I see you for lunch?” He felt more than ever like a schoolboy, but at her end she was smiling. “Is Thursday all right?”

“Sounds fine.” And if it wasn't, she'd cancel anything else she had, maybe even Alexandra. “You know where my office is.” They both laughed.

“I'll pick you up at twelve-fifteen. And if I'm late, just relax. Sometimes I have a hell of a time getting out of the office.” But unlike Sasha, she understood that only too well. She frequently had the same problem.

“Don't worry. We'll both be lucky if I'm not stuck in a meeting. I'll do my best to get free by twelve, even if that means firing fewer people.” She laughed and he smiled to himself as they hung up. He could hardly wait to see her.

Chapter 33

As Hilary had suspected she would, Alexandra had gone to Arthur's funeral, mainly to be with Megan. And afterward, she and Megan and John had driven back to New York in the limousine, and that night the three sisters had dinner together for the last time. Megan was flying back to Kentucky at midnight. She met Margaret, and the girls, and they had another pleasant evening, although Megan was a little subdued. It had been a strange week for her, discovering a father she had never known and then watching him die in her arms only a few days later. But the greatest gift of all was that of the two sisters he had left her.

They talked about the house Arthur had left them, and what they would do with it. The housekeeper was going to stay on until everything was settled, and Arthur had left ample funds to care for it, and, the remains of his estate was to be divided among the three women. He had no other relatives of his own. And Alexandra wanted all three of them to plan on spending some time there the following summer.

“We could do it every year! Make it a tradition!” She smiled at them, and Megan grinned.

“Can I bring some of my hillbillies when I come?”

“Why not?” Hilary added with a mysterious look. She was looking forward to lunch with John Chapman the next day, but she hadn't said anything to either of her sisters. It was a little embarrassing, and she was afraid they would suspect how much she liked him.

They drove Megan to the airport at eleven o'clock, and then Hilary and Alexandra drove back to town together. Hilary dropped her younger sister off at the hotel, and then went home. They were both exhausted. It had been an emotional week for all of them. And Alexandra was looking forward to her bed and an early evening.

The lights in her room were on. The door was closed, and Margaret had apparently gone to bed, but Alexandra could hear someone stirring in her room as she stood outside the door, and then someone pulled it open, and she found herself staring at her husband. He had just arrived a little while before. And Margaret had wisely retired, after greeting him. He offered no explanation as to why he had come, and acted almost as though his visit had been planned and he was expected.

“Henri?” Alexandra stared at him as though she'd seen a ghost.

“You were expecting someone else?” But this time it was not an accusation. He was smiling at her, and she stared at him in amazement. “I certainly hope not. The children are well?”

“Very, thank you. We've had a lovely time.”

“So your mother told me. I saw her when I arrived.”

And then Alexandra could not stand the charade any longer. Why had he come? Why was he there? What threat was he going to make now? But it was odd, she was not nearly as frightened of him as she had been before. She stood eyeing him curiously from across the room, as he sat down and sipped a glass of champagne he had ordered while he waited for her. “Would you care for some?” He was very nonchalant as he held out his glass to her, and Alexandra could not understand it.

“No, thank you. Henri, why did you come here?” She said coolly.

“I came to see you … and the children….” He spoke cautiously as though he wasn't quite sure what to say. “I thought we needed to talk.” He looked at her with troubled eyes.

“You could have called me.” Her eyes were cold but she was protecting herself from the pain she knew he could cause her.

“Would you have preferred that?” He looked so sad, it tore at her heart, even though she was resisting the impulse to reach out to him. She was still afraid of possible rejection. Maybe he had come to tell her he was going to divorce her. And she wanted to know now.

“I just don't understand why you came here.”

He stood up and set down his glass, and then slowly walked toward her. “To see you, ma chérie. Difficult as it may be to believe sometimes, I love you very much … no matter who you are …” He added carefully, “… or who you've become.” He smiled almost shyly at her. “I see you're a redhead again. It's not quite as loud as I remembered it.” He was watching her, looking into her eyes for something he hoped was still there, if he hadn't broken it this time forever. “It was a great shock to me when you told me about … about your family. I think it might have been for anyone … and I can't come here now and tell you I've reformed, that I won't be demanding anymore, that I'll stop dragging you to the Élysée for dinner … but I accept who you are … if you will accept who I am….” There were tears in his eyes as Alexandra looked up at him in astonishment. This was the man she thought hated her … and here he was, telling her he loved her. “I love you very much. And I want you to come home … in a few days … and if you'd like, I will stay with you here….” He pulled her firmly into his arms and she knew with total certainty that he would never change, but he had come to her with open arms and she owed him a great deal for that. She owed him her life. And she turned her lips up to his with a gentle smile as he laughed softly.

“You know, I love your hair….” He ran his hands through the silky strands of red and they both laughed. Maybe things had changed just enough … perhaps … and if not, she had lived with him for fourteen years … for better or worse … and she had no intention of doing anything different for the rest of it.

He pushed the door closed and took his wife in his arms with a smile of expectation and pleasure. He was glad he had made the trip and as he felt her gentle hands on him, he was even more so.

Chapter 34

Their last night in New York was happy and sad and emotional. They had dinner at the Côte Basque, and Henri and Alexandra brought the girls, Margaret came, at Alexandra's insistence, and Hilary had said something about bringing a friend, which Alexandra thought was a little unusual, but she didn't dare question her sister. But she was secretly thrilled when the friend turned out to be John Chapman. She had always liked him, and she could tell Henri approved of John, looking very handsome in a dark suit, with his quiet ways, and obvious intelligence and good breeding. The group got on famously. Margaret entertained them all, and Henri even let the girls drink champagne at dinner. It was a perfect culmination of the trip, and everyone hugged and kissed good night as though they might never see each other again. Although Hilary and John had insisted on coming to the airport the next day when the others left for Paris.

It was a classic scene with Axelle carrying an enormous doll under each arm, Marie-Louise clutching her new magic kit, from her Aunt Hilary of course, Alexandra's trophies from Bergdorf and Bendel's seemed virtually limitless, and Margaret's stack of Louis Vuitton seemed to have grown considerably in a mere ten days as Henri attempted to keep track of it all, hold the tickets, and rescue the passports from Axelle's busy little hands. And meanwhile Hilary and Alexandra were talking a mile a minute, promising to meet again as soon as possible. Hilary was thinking of spending Christmas with them in St. Moritz, unless Megan came to New York, in which case she'd come in the spring instead, but in spite of all the words and the frantic talk, the final moment came anyway, as Margaret shepherded the girls onto the plane, waving at Hilary every inch of the way, and Henri left the two women alone, standing apart from his wife, chatting with John, and suddenly Hilary looked into her sister's eyes and began to cry as she reached out to her.

“Axie, I can't leave you again …” She choked on the words, and Alexandra held her tight.

“I know … promise me you'll be all right.” They were crying again, and Hilary thought she would never let go this time. It was too much like the past, the red curls in her arms, the little girl she had loved. “… Axie … I love you … Axie, I …” The echoes of the past rang out in her ears as Alexandra held her tight. “I'll see you soon and I'll call you all the time from Paris.” Henri was beckoning her toward the plane and she knew she had to go. They would be closing the door in a moment, but she couldn't let her go, couldn't leave her alone. And then John walked quietly up to them, and gently took Hilary from her, holding her in his powerful arms as she stood there with tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Have a good trip, Alexandra. We'll see you soon.” John said in his quiet voice, as Alexandra slowly pulled away, her eyes blinded by tears as she looked at Hilary, her eyes huge, her face deathly pale, as John quietly held her, and Alexandra waved for a last time with a tearful smile, and Hilary stared after her and whispered familiar words, “Good-bye, Axie,” she waved and then smiled slowly through her own tears and Alexandra disappeared into the plane with her husband.

“It's all right, sweetheart …” John whispered to Hilary as he held her tight, and suddenly for the first time in her life, she felt safe. She looked up at him, and he smiled. “It's all right, Hillie. …” He held her tightly in his arms and she knew that he was telling her the truth. “Everything's going to be all right now.”

Published by

Dell Publishing

a division of

Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, Inc.

1540 Broadway

New York, New York 10036

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the Publisher, except where permitted by law. For information address Delacorte Press, New York, New York.

The trademark Dell® is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.

eISBN: 978-0-307-56657-7

v3.0

Table of Contents

kaleidoscope

PART ONE Solange

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

PART TWO Hilary

Chapter 5