Lethal Rider

Forty-one

Thanks to Eidolon’s amazing healing ability, one week after giving birth and being declared dead, the demon doctor gave Regan a clean bill of health… and the go-ahead to have sex.

Which was great, except Thanatos didn’t seem interested. It wasn’t that he hadn’t been the very definition of attentive and protective and loving since the minute he’d brought her back to the keep. But he’d also been evasive when she tried to discuss anything serious or intimate, or when she tried to get physical. He’d insisted that Eidolon declare her healthy, but she had a feeling his delaying tactic had been more about avoiding sex than anything else.

She hadn’t confronted him about it—hell, she’d been too busy with the baby to make a big deal of it, but today she was going to get some answers from him.

After they got rid of the friends and family, who had come over for a belated baby shower for Logan Thanatos, named after her father and, obviously, Than.

Regan finished dressing in jeans and a sweater, then checked on Logan, who was sleeping peacefully next to the bed in the cradle Than had made. She lingered for a few extra minutes, fussing with his teeny camo pajamas that had been a gift from Kynan and Gem, making sure his little hands were covered with mittens, and double-checking the monitor. She’d taken to motherhood more easily than she’d expected—the instinct was there, if not the knowledge, and she loved the little guy in a way she’d never thought possible.

Smiling down at him, she rubbed her neck where Thanatos had bitten her in his failed bid to turn her. He might not have turned her, but his bite had killed her, which ultimately allowed her to come back. She’d never have believed that she’d be thankful to have fangs punched into her vein, but she’d repeat it in a heartbeat.

Not that any kind of biting would happen if Than wouldn’t even have sex with her.

A dull ache squeezed her chest, and then it was gone before she had a chance to know what Thanatos had been thinking about. That was one of the side-effects of his deal with Azagoth—his painful emotions would forever filter through her instead of through the tattoos he’d been getting for so long. At first, his memories from the tattoos Azagoth had taken had blasted through her, reducing her to tears she hid from Thanatos. But now they were gone, and she would have to wait for the next one, the next scene of death he’d be drawn to. It would hurt them both emotionally, but she and Thanatos would work through it together.

Taking on his emotional agony occasionally was a very small price to pay for a life with him and their son.

Bracing herself for the noise of a party, she joined the crowd in the great room. The trestle table was covered in food, and a barrel full of ice had been set out to chill bottles of beer and wine. From the looks of things, everyone had been indulging. A lot.

Wraith sauntered over to her, his blonde vampire mate, Serena, on his arm. “Congratulations, Aegi. If you need any tips on raising a kid, I’m there for you.”

“That’s sweet of you.” Serena patted his hand in that universal, yes-dear-I’ll-humor-you way. “But I’m sure Thanatos can mess up a kid as well as you can.”

“I doubt that.” Wraith planted a kiss on Serena’s neck, breaking it off when Thanatos punched him in the shoulder.

“Glad you could make it.” Than slung his arm around Regan’s shoulder as he scanned the crowd. “Glad all your brothers and sister could come.”

“You kidding?” Wraith said. “You Horsepeople always throw great parties. Plus, there’s usually a fight.”

“Not this time, man. Not this time.”

Wraith looked disappointed, but he perked up when Sin, her black hair pulled back into a wild ponytail, came over and handed Serena and him two glasses of Scotch.

“That,” Sin said with a wink, “is the best way to shut him up.” She sobered, turning to Than as Wraith and Serena joined another group of guests. “I wanted to thank you. You and your siblings.”

“Why?”

“Because I started all of this.” She shifted her weight and licked her lips, clearly uncomfortable. “It was my fault Pestilence’s Seal broke. If you three hadn’t gone all out to stop him, we’d be looking at the end of the world.”

“You didn’t break his Seal intentionally, and it was a team effort to put everything right again.” Than slid Regan a smile, which did funny, fluttery things to her insides. “Underworld General, The Aegis—everyone helped to stop the Apocalypse.”

It had been stopped, but so much damage had been done. People had died, governments had collapsed, and entire continents were still in chaos, even though land claimed by demons had reverted back to the humans. It would take decades to recover.

Ares and Limos approached, Cara and Arik with them, and the rest of the guests gathered around. It was so strange to have a group of people surrounding Regan with genuine affection. Strange, but wonderful, and Regan had never been so happy.

“Time for the presents,” Limos chirped. “Ares and Cara have the best one.”

Ares scowled at her. “So much for the surprise.”

She adjusted the flower in her hair—orange, to match her flirty strapless dress. “Trust me, it’s still a surprise.” Her grimace told Regan it might not be a normal gift, like a playpen or a baby swing. “And for the record, I don’t want one when I have my baby.”

Well, that got everyone’s attention. Especially Arik’s. He lost a lot of color. “Are you… are we…”

“Nope.” She batted her eyelashes at him. “But maybe tonight.”

Thanatos and Ares both groaned. “Let’s not go there,” Ares said, and Arik nodded vehemently.

“So.” Cara jumped in, no doubt to save Arik from an incredibly awkward situation. “Do you want your surprise now?”

“This’ll be fun.” Ares’s smirk was downright evil.

“Ah …” Thanatos scrubbed his hand over his face, but Regan laughed.

“Sure. Let’s see.”

Cara darted off, and a minute later returned with a black, squirming bundle of hellhound in her arms. “Every boy needs a dog.”

Regan wasn’t even sure what to say. They wanted to give her baby a demon animal that ate people. A furry land shark. It was enough to make her want to hyperventilate.

“That’s not exactly a dog.” Than eyed the pup warily.

“You’re right,” Cara said. “He’s a harmless puppy. Pestilence killed his family, and he needs a new one. If he bonds to Logan, trust me, he’ll have the best lifelong protector on the planet.”

Regan glanced over at Hal, who never left Cara’s side unless she asked him to go with Ares. Velcro, the hellhound that had guarded Regan, had also been attentive and intimidating, and okay, that sounded pretty good. Call her an overprotective mom, but Regan would take a guardian for her son that would eat anyone who tried to hurt him.

God, what a freaky family she belonged to now. But it was a family, and it was hers.

“Oh, hey,” Wraith said. “How many of those do you have? My son wants a dog. Or a bear.”

The conversation turned to hellhound puppies and kids, and Regan backed herself out of it, wanting to catch Kynan before he left.

He was standing by himself next to the beer barrel, watching over everyone, but his gaze kept drifting with possessive heat to his wife, Gem, whose head was together with her twin sister, Tayla’s. When he saw Regan, he pushed off the wall he’d been lounging against and gave her a hug.

“I’ve never seen you look so good,” he said. “Horsemen agree with you.”

“Weird, right?” She stole a glance at Thanatos, which was only fair, because he stole her breath. She was so going to get laid tonight. “Ky? I want to be there to help rebuild and reunite The Aegis.”

Kynan smiled sadly. “The Aegis is gone, Regan. This has been coming since the day Tayla hooked up with the head doctor at Underworld General. What she put into motion changed the course of The Aegis, and this split has been coming for a long time.”

“So what are you saying? That we let Lance and the others just take The Aegis and run with it? That’s bullshit.” Then there was the fact that she still had a score to settle with those assholes. If Thanatos didn’t get to them first, anyway.

This time, Kynan’s grin was blinding. “It is bullshit. So I say we salvage what we can—knowledge, property, the Guardians who share our philosophy—and we build our own organization. New name, new mission statement. The Aegis is moving backward. I say we move forward.”

The very idea was terrifying. To let go of everything she’d grown up with and start over gave her chills. But what it didn’t give her was the insane desire to organize the room or eat until she was ready to pop and then throw it all up.

Wow. Okay, so that was new. And it felt freaking awesome. She waited for the urge to count or flip a light switch three times or something, but nope, nothing happened.

Her eyes stung at the realization that she hadn’t gone OCD in the face of stress. She’d passed a milestone somewhere between being kidnapped and being killed, and wasn’t it funny how the ultimate trauma made everything else seem so trivial.

Oh, she didn’t doubt her OCD would be a work-in-progress, but Thanatos and Logan had given her much needed stability, and dying had given her much needed perspective. She couldn’t control everything, and she didn’t need to. Life was messy and unpredictable, and learning to roll with the punches was part of surviving.

She nodded. “I say you’re right.” Her fingers found the handheld baby monitor she’d jammed in her pocket. “Does this new organization allow for maternity leave? Because I’m not letting my little guy out of my reach for a while.”

Ky leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. “You got it, kiddo. Call me next week, and we’ll conference with Decker, Arik, Tayla, and Val. We’ll get things going.”

“Ky…?”

“Yeah?”

She rolled her bottom lip between her teeth for a second, unsure she wanted to bring this up. Finally, she blurted, “I lost my soul-sucking ability. Will you still want me if it doesn’t—”

“Hey.” He took her by the shoulders and dipped his head to give her his super-serious Kynan stare. “You were always valuable to The Aegis, special abilities or not. I didn’t realize how deep some of our members’ resentment of you went, or I’d have stepped in, and I’ll never forgive myself for not paying better attention. They were jealous, and the only way they thought they could keep you from seeming more important than they were was to tear you down. So forget them.” He winked one denim-blue eye. “They’re nursing their wounds of failure behind the walls of their castle, and you saved the fucking world.”

With a grin, Kynan took off, and the guests all began to trickle out. When only Ares, Cara, Limos, and Arik remained, they gathered for a final champagne toast.

Ares held up his glass. “To Logan Thanatos. May he grow up healthy and strong, and find a mate as perfect as ours.”

“Sap,” Than said. “But thanks, bro.”

The clink of glasses rang out, and after their first drink Cara said proudly, “Rath said his first sentence.”

Arik tugged Limos against him. “What did he say?”

Ares sighed. “What are the three words said most often in our house?”

“Not tonight, Ares?” Than offered.

“Funny,” Ares growled. “Cara never says that.”

“I might tonight,” she muttered.

Laughing, Limos clapped her hands. “I know. Hal! Bad dog.”

“Yep.” Cara grinned like the proudest mom ever. Didn’t matter that their child was an adopted Ramreel demon. She was beyond thrilled.

Limos set down her glass on the food table, and then took Arik’s and did the same. “Come on,” she said, taking his hand.

“Where are we going?”

“Home. Now that the Apocalypse is over, you’re going to knock me up.”

Arik turned eight shades of red but allowed her to drag him out of the house, and Ares and Cara followed soon afterward, taking Hal with them. They left the pup, who settled onto a blanket beneath Logan’s cradle as if he’d always belonged there.

Thanatos, however, looked distinctly uncomfortable as Regan began to undress. “I’m going to go make sure my staff doesn’t need any help to clean up—”

“Oh, no, you don’t.” She grabbed him by the arm and turned him to face her. “You’ve been avoiding me every night since Logan was born, but Eidolon gave me the green light, and you’re not pulling this crap again.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit. You help me get into bed, and then you make up some lame excuse to leave the room, and you don’t come back until I’m asleep. Why?” When he averted his gaze, she gripped his chin and forced him to look at her. “Why?”

“Dammit, Regan—”

“Why?” She was more insistent this time, and loud enough that both Logan and the pup whimpered. In a more hushed voice, she added, “Please, Than. Don’t shut down on me. What’s bothering you? Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” he said quickly. “Oh, hell, no. It’s me. I … failed you.”

“Are you kidding? You saved my life.”

“After I killed you. And now you’re stuck feeling what I feel. Azagoth took away fourteen of my most important tattoos…what you have to be going through…”

She palmed his chest, feeling his heartbeat against her palm. “What are you feeling?”

For a moment, he didn’t seem to understand the question. Finally, he said warily, “Nothing. I remember each of the scenes more vividly than I did before, but the emotional pain is as dampened as it was when I had the tattoos. Initially after Azagoth took the tats, the pain was bad, and I know it was bad for you too. I saw you crying, Regan.”

“And that’s why you’ve been so distant? You felt guilty?” At his remorseful nod, she threw herself at him, wrapping around him so tightly he sucked air. “Don’t. Don’t you ever feel guilty about that. I’m used to experiencing emotions that don’t belong to me. The same thing happens when I touch ink on parchment. It’s always that way. Intense for a few hours, and then it all filters away and all I have left are the memories.”

“But not the emotions that go with them?”

Looking up at him, she shook her head. “That’s normal, Thanatos. You’ve been tattooing away your grief for so long that you don’t remember what it’s like to be… human. It may take a while, but the pain always dulls. You’ll see, and I’ll be there to help you through it. We’ll help each other through it.” She traced the stern line of his jaw, taking pleasure in the way his tension gradually eased. “We both have to learn to deal with our emotions, me to control my OCD, and you to function as the person you’re fated to be. I’m happy to share your pain though, so please don’t worry about me.”

Than gave a disbelieving shake of his head. “I still don’t know how you can be okay with this.”

Rolling her eyes, she blew out a dramatic breath. “Gee, it’s such a sacrifice. Hmm … would I rather be dead, or be alive with a beautiful son, a loving family and friends, and a…well, you.”

“Yeah,” he growled. “About that.” Her heart stuttered as he dropped to one knee. “Marry me.” His deep voice held an emotional warble she felt all the way to her marrow. “I don’t have a ring, and I wasn’t prepared like I should have been, but I didn’t know how you’d react and I was a big chicken and—”

She cut him off with a finger to his lips as she dropped to her knees in front of him. “Yes. On one condition.”

“Anything,” he croaked.

Tilting her head, she dragged her finger down her throat, directly over the spot where Than had bitten her. “You give me everything. Your emotions, your temper, and your desires. Your hunger is no longer going to be a burden for you.”

“Regan …” The warning growl in his voice made her blood rush hot to erogenous zones she didn’t know she had. And when his fangs elongated, it provoked an even hotter response at her core. “Are you sure?”

The forbidden, naughty images from the vampire porn flashed through her head. “I’m sure.” Her eager fingers found the fly of his pants. “I’m so sure.”

In a blur of motion, he had her on her back on the floor, his heavy body on top of hers. He ripped off her clothes as if they were made of tissue paper, and then he was kissing his way down her body, his fangs scraping her skin, his tongue soothing the erotic scratches.

Spreading her legs, he teased his way down her pelvis, taking exquisite care when he reached the sensitive flesh in the creases of her inner thighs. He licked his way inward, holding her steady when she squirmed, both embarrassed and needy, both trying to escape his mouth and get it where she wanted. She couldn’t decide which she wanted more, but when his tongue swept right up her center, the decision was made.

Her moan joined his as he licked her again, this time more slowly, letting the flat of his tongue drag through her slit.

“I could do this for hours,” he whispered, his hot breath caressing flesh so sensitized that she bucked. How funny that they were both so new at sex, but both so eager. And God, he was so good. The vampire erotica had taught him a thing or two, for sure.

He dove into his task then, licking, sucking, kissing her private place with such care she nearly wept. Pleasure roared through her, searing and sweet, and then the room was spinning and she was crying out his name. Before she’d fully come down he was on top of her, kissing her mouth, his sex poised at her entrance.

“I love you,” he whispered against her lips. “I want you. I didn’t see you coming. You blindsided me, and I wouldn’t change a thing.” He slipped inside her with a groan, filling her. Completing her when she hadn’t known she had a piece missing.

“You’ve given me so much, Thanatos. I had to lose everything in order to see that I had it all.” She arched into his thrust, the pleasure nearly taking her breath. “I’ve never been so alive.”

“You made me realize I’m alive.” His voice was guttural, raw, so damned sexy.

“Thanatos?”

“Yeah?”

“Bite me.”

He grinned, flashing his fangs. “You got it, baby. You got anything you want.”

As his mouth settled over her throat, ecstasy peaked. It wasn’t just physical. It was mental. Emotional. It was a perfect melding of the past, present, and future.

The Apocalypse was over, and the new world, her new world, was just beginning.