Long-Lost Mom

Chapter 5

Jenna’s response to Stone’s kiss was primal and instinctive, because she needed him, too. Needed him with everything she had. Her eyes drifted closed, and though her fear for him didn’t fade, she loosened her grip on him enough to lightly touch his chest. He was okay. She drowned in the knowledge, and a swirling heat that worked its way from deep inside her, spreading to her limbs until she thought she would spontaneously combust. “You’re really okay.”

“Yes.”

She hadn’t realized she’d spoken her desperate worry out loud until he reassured her.

Stone’s hands fueled the fire as they slid up her body, over her ribs, grazing the sides of her breasts, then cupped her face. Tilting her head for better access, he nibbled her mouth, making her whimper for more.

His body went rigid for the briefest moment, and Jenna panicked. He knew! He’d kissed her, and somehow he’d discovered the truth.

Frightened, she opened her eyes to find him studying her with a keen probing gaze, as if he was trying to see deep into her soul.

Chicken, he’d called her, and he was right. How could she have lost herself like this? How did it happen that she hadn’t told him the truth but was still in his arms?

Last chance, she thought. Last chance to hold him, because once she told him, he wouldn’t want to touch her ever again. Oh, she’d miss this. To be surrounded by his arms, to hear him groan at her touch.

For so long she’d been on her own, with no one to share her fears and secrets. She’d allowed no one close, not friends, not co-workers, no one.

Now she had this man, the man she’d loved since the first moment she’d seen him years before, and he wanted her. It felt so good to be held like this, so good that she became dizzy with the unexpected luxury of it.

“It’s all right,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around her when her legs threatened to buckle. Tenderly, lightly, he nuzzled at her neck. “I’ve got you.”

And he did. She reveled in that, and in being able to count on him. She’d give anything to give that much back and have him accept what she could offer. Tell him. Tell him.

He kissed her again, a questing sensual kiss that had her mind floating along where nothing mattered except his mouth, his tongue, that thrilling low moan he made deep in his throat when she pressed closer.

His muffled oath had her jerking back, startled and dazed.

She leaned against the counter for support and concentrated on dragging air into her lungs. But even breathing didn’t dispel the memory of the pleasure he’d created when she’d been plastered against his heavenly, warm and gloriously hard body.

He hadn’t said a word, was probably horrified at how she’d flung herself at him. “I’m sorry,” she said, staring at her clenched fingers.

He was silent.

Her new determination to face life directly made a mockery of her. Chin up, she looked at him. “I don’t know what came over-Stone?”

Braced against the wall, he was white and visibly trembling.

“See?” she demanded, rushing to him to support him the best she could. “You see? Dammit, I told you. A doctor. Now.”

There was a smile in his voice and surprising strength in his arm as he wrapped it around her, careful to keep her to the side of him, away from his clearly aching middle. “No, no doctor. I’m fine, but I’m enjoying this bossy side of you, so please feel free to continue yelling at me while I catch my breath.”

“You’re impossible,” she said, bewildered by him as she led him to a chair. Dumping the files on it to the floor, she gently pushed him down and put her hands on her hips. “Tell me where your phone is or I’ll…”

“You’ll what?” He was clearly enjoying himself despite his pain. “You’ll kiss me again?”

He looked so hopeful, while at the same time so dreadfully miserable, she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He’d broken out in a sweat, his eyes were glassy with pain and she had no idea what to do.

“Stone.” Jenna sank to her knees before him, unable to stop herself from hovering. “Please. You’re hurt.”

Taking her hands in his, he shook his head.

“And stubborn as ever.”

Just as he narrowed his eyes in question, she realized her blunder. “What is it about men that make them this way?” she asked. “Like they know it all?”

“Fear.”

“Fear?”

Closing his eyes, he drew a careful breath. She tried to rise, but he held her hands tighter now, as if needing her closeness, and loving the feeling of being needed, she stayed. “Stone?”

“It was just a stupid accident,” he said, leaning his head back. He studied the ceiling. “One that could have cost me much more than wounded pride.”

She doubted it was only his pride hurting, but remained silent because she was certain she knew where this was going. Her heart started a heavy drumming in anticipation.

“I’m sitting here thinking that if I’d gotten myself killed,” he said, “where would that leave Sara?” He lifted his head and stared at her. “The thought terrifies me.”

Such emotion, such incredible love and perseverance. And if she’d never gone away, she could have had it from him, as well. But she had gone, and in doing so had cost him just about everything. “Your family?” she asked hoarsely.

“It’s complicated, but they’re not in the picture.”

She knew that, but had hoped beyond hope that it had been a terrible mistake, that his family hadn’t really been able to turn their backs on him and Sara. The way she had.

Guilt swamped her. Guilt and a regret so strong she could hardly speak. “I’m sorry, Stone.”

“You’re alone, too, so I know you understand what it’s like to worry about the future.”

She let out a harsh laugh. “Yeah, well, you don’t know the half of it.” He just looked at her steadily. “Well, maybe you do.”

“My tamily disowned me, not because I got a girl pregnant, but because they didn’t approve of her as a person. Doesn’t matter that I wanted to do the right thing, they still walked away from us. I was twenty then. It’s been ten years and they haven’t spoken to me since.”

“Oh, Stone.”

“It never fails to amaze me how they can keep Sara out of their lives.”

“How awful of them.” She touched him because she bad to. “And unforgiving.”

“They made their decision, and I made mine. I’m not sorry for that, but for Sara.” Sadness welled in those gray blue depths. Sadness and anger. “But I’ve been selfish,” he admitted. “Hoarding her. I should have pushed my family to change their mind. For her sake.”

She remembered his family. Wealthy snobs. She doubted they could be pushed to do anything. But as she looked at Stone, saw his grit and determination, she realized if anyone could change their minds, it would be him. “It’s not too late, Stone.”

In a sweet gesture that tugged at her already aching heart, he lifted her hands to his lips, kissed her knuckles. “What is it about you?” he wondered. “What is it that makes me want to bare my soul? That makes me want to get to know yours?” He played with her skin, using his teeth, making her shiver.

“Ah…” Difficult to think with his mouth on her. “Maybe it’s the fact I’ve thrown myself at you several times now?” She managed a feeble smile, feeling self-conscious and very unsure.

“It’s more than that and you know it.” Again that deep probing stare. “You feel it, too, or you wouldn’t have done all this. You wouldn’t have allowed me close. You’re a very private woman. You wouldn’t have chosen this building, even if it had been the only one available, unless you wanted to be near me.”

His directness was startling, and somehow, despite her embarrassment, refreshing. She did feel it, in a way she hadn’t expected. How long had it been since she’d had someone to care about? “Yes,” she admitted in a barely audible voice. “I wanted to be near you.” But I’m Jenna, she wanted to cry. I ruined your life once and I’m so afraid you won’t let me back in when I tell you the truth.

She had to tell him.

The phone rang, and she nearly screamed in frustration.

Stone sighed. “I have to get it. It might be Sara. But hold that thought.” He tried to rise and groaned, paling as he sank back into the chair.

Wanting to throw the phone out the window, Jenna whirled and searched for it. Now that she’d determined once and for all to come clean, the delay was killing her.

“Got it,” she muttered, handing the phone over, preparing to leave the room to give him privacy. The shock on his face held her captive.

“What is it?” She asked when he’d hung up. “Stone?”

He didn’t answer, and fear and horror slammed into her. “Sara?” she demanded hoarsely. “Is it Sara?”

“No. No,” he said quickly. “Not Sara. It’s my brother, Richard.” Dropping his hands to the arms of the chair, he attempted to rise, although he almost blacked out while domg it.

She set him gently back into the chair, which was a good thing because his heart was roaring in his ears, his pulse was racing, his vision was gray around the edges.

At her stricken look, he managed to say, “He was killed this morning. In a car accident. My father had his lawyer make the call.”

“Oh, Stone-”

“Richard’s dead.” Squeezing his eyes shut, he set his head in his hands. “Christ.” Grief and shock struck him at once, a bone-numbing sort of feeling where his body wouldn’t work but his mind whirled.

Richard, he thought, as fury and sadness nearly choked him. Gone. They’d let so much time go by, empty years without talking. Why hadn’t he tried harder, even though Richard had made it so clear he wanted nothing to do with him?

“I’m so sorry,” Cindy whispered, still hunkered between his spread legs, which were now trembling in spite of the fact she was holding him. “What can I do to help, Stone? Anything, just tell me.”

He hardly heard her, for he realized his worst nightmare was coming true.

He’d nearly gotten himself killed this morning, and just that quickly, Sara would have been an orphan. She had little enough family as it was; he was duty bound to let her know the rest of them.

Yet already, it was too late.

She never knew her mother. Now she would never know her uncle.

Life was short, and if he wanted to think about enjoying it ever again, he had to take care of Sara’s future. Now. Before something happened to the rest of it.

“Stone?” Cindy’s hands slid up his thighs, rested on his waist. “Let me help somehow. Please.”

He looked at her through the bleakness of his own misery. “Hold me,” he requested thickly, not waiting for her, but yanking her close. “Hold me and don’t let go.”

Jenna met Kristen that night in Kristen’s condo, which was everything Jenna had expected.

Perfect.

They were seated in the country kitchen, eating at a cute little oak table, surrounded by cream and pale blue accessories that Kristen had made. Cows and chickens and adorable little pigs animated the napkins. Jenna used a finger to wipe at a drop of tea she’d spilled on the bare wood. Glancing up with a horrified expression, she waited for Kristen to admonish her.

Her sister smiled easily, looking not even a little annoyed. Physically she hadn’t changed much in the years since Jenna had last seen her. She was still beautiful. Her hair was still that light blond that Jenna’s had been as a child, and curled down to her shoulders. She was curvy and lush where Jenna was… not, and that age-old green monster reared its head, surprising Jenna.

But for the first time, it was a nice envious feeling, not a stomach-eating one, and it made her feel good. Or it would have if she hadn’t spilled her tea like a clumsy oaf.

“Great tea, isn’t it?” Kristen asked.

“Sorry about the drop here. I-”

“It doesn’t matter, Jenna.” But Kristen looked as if something did matter, and Jenna felt like a stupid clumsy child.

They stared at each other awkwardly.

Kristen inhaled sharply, looked at a point somewhere over Jenna’s head and said, “I just need to come out with it. We can’t go on until I tell you.”

Not sure she wanted to hear, Jenna lifted her chin and prepared to be kicked out.

“I think you should know that I sued Stone for custody of your daughter.”

“What?”

Kristen smiled faintly and rubbed her temples. “It was years ago, right after…Mom died. You’d been gone only a short time and I’d just turned twenty-one. I… God, I missed you, Jenna. And I wanted to make sure Sara was taken care of. At that point she was all I had left.”

“But…” Floored, Jenna just stared at Kristen, trying to imagine how her sister had felt. And, good God, Stone. How had he felt about this final betrayal? “What happened?” she asked hoarsely.

“Stone fought me tooth and nail.” Kristen gave a ghost of a smile, obviously still nervous revealing what she had done. “He won of course. And in a way I did, too.” She smiled at a very stunned Jenna. “I realized through the course of the proceedings how much Stone loved that child, which had been my greatest fear. Sara was, still is, I’m sure, the most important thing in his life. Knowing that, seeing it firsthand, well…I’d changed my mind about wanting to take her away from him long before the verdict came in.”

Jenna had so many emotions swimming through her, she could hardly think. “God, Kristen.”

“There’s more.” Kristen hesitated, and Jenna saw to her amazement that her sure confident sister was fighting tears. “Afterward, Stone offered me visits of Sara whenever I wanted them.” Stricken with the memory, Kristen shoved her hair back and let out a watery sigh. “Can you believe it? I had tried to destroy him more than he’d already been destroyed, and he was that generous.”

“Why didn’t you stay in touch?”

“I couldn’t,” Kristen whispered, shaking her head. “After what I had tried to pull, I was so ashamed. And he had his family…”

“No, he didn’t” Jenna moaned and covered her face. “They disowned him when they found out I was pregnant. He’s been alone with her all this time. I can’t believe how long I stayed away. I regret that so much, it’s all I can think about. Oh, Kristen… the things I’ve done.”

“We’ve done,” Kristen corrected her, then spoke firmly. “And it’s not too late for you. You could go to him-”

Jenna laughed, a high hysterical laugh that she had to cover her mouth to stop. “You’re not the only one with a confession to make.”

She told Kristen of what she’d done, how she’d come back to town and was now… Cindy Beatty.

“You have to tell him the truth,” Kristen insisted.

“How exactly do you suggest I do that?” Jenna asked desperately. “I’ve lied by omission. We’ve become friends. Friends, Kristen, and oh, my God, that means so much to me, I’m tempted to lie forever.”

“You can’t.”

“I know, I know. I can’t because I want Sara to know the truth. I want her in my life. But how do I tell him I’ve deceived him yet again? And now, knowing your past and his, he’ll think it’s just another attempt to get Sara away from him.”

Kristen’s shoulders sagged. Both women slumped, defeated.

Jenna took another sip of tea and spilled another drop on the pretty table. She jerked up her napkin, but it seemed too pretty to use. Uncertain, her hand hovered over the table.

“Jenna,” her sister said, laughing, “it’s a table, for God’s sake. It’s meant for spills. So is that napkin you’re staring at in horror.” She sobered as she regarded a very nervous Jenna. “What’s the matter? I mean, I realize we haven’t seen each other in forever, but you’re so…jumpy. Like you’re just waiting for me to get upset over something.”

“I…” Jenna broke off with a sigh, biting back her apology. She felt as though she was always apologizing for something, and it had to stop.

Didn’t it?

She scrubbed at the spot on the table as if her life depended on it.

Kristen laid a hand on hers, stilling the movement.

“I love the way you look,” Kristen said gently when Jenna didn’t say anything. “Is that it, honey? Are you upset about that? You’re beautiful, now more than ever.”

“I was never beautiful.” But she was now and she knew it. Her mirror told her it was true. But it seemed strange to be so suddenly pretty. “And I have scars.”

“They’re nothing, considering what you’ve been through, and besides, they’re hardly noticeable the way you put your makeup on.”

“It’s not the way I look.” Though Jenna hadn’t gotten quite used to seeing herself. She still gave a start whenever she saw her reflection in the mirror.

“What then?”

“You’re different,” Jenna said in a low voice, avoiding her sister’s gaze. “Friendlier, which is really nice,” she hurried on to say, but it was too late.

Kristen stiffened, then slowly straightened, dropping her hand to her lap. “I see what it is,” she said quietly. “You’re thinking about how it used to be, how we never got along because I was always trying…”

“To make me a better person,” Jenna said urgently, meaning it. “I see it now-”

“No, you don’t. You can’t understand because I never told you.” Kristen sighed heavily. “I used to be so hard on you, hoping Mom would let up if…”

“If I was more like you?”

“Maybe you’re not the only one who has changed,” Kristen said softly. “Maybe I’ve learned to accept people for who they are.”

“You were trying to help.” Wonder filled Jenna as she mulled this over. “You never hated me-you were trying to protect me.” A warm feeling prevailed, and it felt good, so very good, to let go of the past. “I do understand.”

“Do you?” Kristen’s eyes filled with tears. “Do you know how much I loved you, still love you, how I always wished I could make you believe it?” She reached across the table, grasped Jenna’s hands and held tight. “How desperately afraid I was for you, especially when I couldn’t reach through that angry barrier to get to the real Jenna?” She drew a ragged breath and blinked her tears away. “I wanted my sister, Jenna, and I couldn’t get her. I had to stand around and watch you try to destroy yourself, and it killed me.”

“I’m sor-”

“Do you think I don’t know how Mom treated you? How she loved me best? God! I hated that. I still don’t understand it, but I never meant for it to be that way. When I realized I couldn’t change you, I used to do everything I could to make her hate me so she’d like you more, but nothing worked. Nothing. And by the time we were old enough to talk about it, you were gone from me.”

“I’m-”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Kristen practically shouted, rising from her chair and pulling Jenna from hers. “I don’t want you to be sorry. I just want you back.” She placed a hand to her chest as if she ached. “I want you back in my life, because you never left my heart.”

Jenna swallowed hard, but the tears came, anyway. Before she could let out the muffled sob, Kristen had her in her arms.

“It’ll work out,” Kristen promised, rocking them both. “It’ll all work out.”

“How?”

“With faith.”

Jenna wanted to believe that. Oh, how she wanted to. “I don’t have much of that,” she admitted.

“It’s okay. I have enough for both of us.”

Their hug tightened and it felt so good, so right. Jenna closed her eyes and held on for all she was worth.

“I love you, Jenna,” Kristen whispered fiercely. “I love you so much.”

It was the first time in far too many years Jenna had heard those words. She’d never said them out loud before and wasn’t sure she could now, but she continued to hold on, soaking up all the love she could get.

Stone squared his shoulders, gritted his teeth and came shockingly close to putting his fist through the wall of his office. “I realize she doesn’t want to take any calls right now.” He refrained from adding an unflattering oath to the man claiming to be his parent’s butler. “But she might change her mind.”

“I doubt it, sir.”

And just who the hell still had a butler in the 1990s? Stone wondered.

“She’s in mourning, sir.”

Mourning. He’d discovered he was, too, even for a brother who’d written him out of his life with an ease that still disturbed Stone.

It didn’t stop the grief any. “Just tell her it’s her son,” Stone suggested tightly, eyeing the clock and feeling thankful he still had three hours before Sara got home from school.

God help him, he needed a break from the child who’d had nonstop questions flowing from her mouth since the day before, when he’d learned about Richard.

Why is he dead, she’d asked. Why didn’t he ever want to talk to you when you called? Why didn’t he answer your letters?

And why are you crying, Daddy?

Yeah, he needed a break. Sinking onto the stool in front of the counter, he rested his head in one hand. His other hand still gripped the phone.

“Who is this?” that horrible flat voice questioned.

“I told you,” he replied carefully. “Her son.”

“Her son has passed on.”

“Her other son,” Stone grated. “I’m sure she’ll remember.” Was he sure? Seemed she hadn’t remembered his past ten birthdays. The past ten Christmases. Sara’s past nine birthdays.

Dammit, he was furious all over again, at himself and his parents.

For Sara, he reminded himself, repeating it like a mantra. This is for Sara, so swallow the pride and just do it.

“Please.” A muscle in his jaw worked. “Please tell her Stone is on the line. Stone Cameron.”

While silence filled the air, Stone set his hot forehead down on the cool counter.

He was an idiot. An idiot who loved his daughter beyond reason, enough to try to give her the family she’d always wanted.

“I’m sorry, sir,” came that damn voice.

The outer door, the one to his shop, opened. A minute later his office door opened behind him, and before it shut again, he caught that light sexy scent he would forever equate with one woman.

Cindy.

From behind, she lightly touched him, set her hand on his shoulder, and just that simply, some of his burden lifted. He couldn’t explain it any better than that, even to himself, but he wouldn’t hide from it.

“What do you mean, you’re sorry?” Stone said into the phone. He didn’t turn to face Cindy, but reached up and grabbed her hand.

She held on and squeezed. Then stepped closer so that he could feel the heat of her body against his back. It comforted him as little else could have.

“Mrs. Cameron refuses to take the call,” the butler said. “You’re not to call here again.”

Betrayal slashed through him, chilling him. Hurt had a taste, he discovered. Bitter as hell.

“Did you hear me?” asked the butler, his voice a bit louder. “Please do not call here again.”

Behind Stone, Cindy stiffened, her anger and shock flowing through her to him as she clearly heard the words through the receiver.

For some reason, that gave Stone strength. It’d been a long time since he’d felt someone on his side. For years he’d been alone in this, alone against the world in his fight to survive with Sara.

“She’s unbelievable,” Stone muttered beneath his breath. “Unbelievable.”

“Goodbye, sir.”

“The funeral,” Stone said quickly before he was hung up on. “When is the-” At the disconnecting click, he shook his head, then slowly set the phone down.

Cindy held him close, and he was enveloped by her as well as her welcome compassion.

“I’m here,” she whispered. “Just like I promised you I would be. Is…it enough?”

“More than enough,” he whispered back, and turning, he wrapped her slight body in his arms.