Love and Brimstone

Chapter Thirty-Two

They ventured out later that night, past midnight. The park was quiet, shrouded in darkness. No lights on in any cabins, and the moon played peekaboo behind the clouds.

They’d waited until late to do this, the guards keeping an eye on Rafe’s movements while Matthias and Taz rested up.

They didn’t want any witnesses.

Albert and Robertson met them at the corner of the cabin, and the sword briefly flashed in the moonlight. Taz held out her hand for it. Albert looked to Matthias. He nodded, and Albert passed it to her.

She hefted the sword. It felt unwieldy in her hands, but she could manage it for what she had to do.

This is my mess, and I have to take care of it.

She still didn’t know how she’d tell Matthias what happened between her and Rafe, but she knew it was her fault. In the pit of her stomach, she knew the repercussions were worse than she ever imagined.

They followed her across the compound to Rafe’s cabin on the edge of the woods. She knocked.

Rafe didn’t turn on the light, but they all heard him get up. Finally, he came to the door.

He stared at them for a moment. “I’m glad to see you’re okay.”

Matthias watched as Taz closed her eyes. They all felt her reach out, not gently, walking through Rafe’s mental barriers as if they weren’t there. She opened her eyes and fixed Rafe—the daemon pulverem using Rafe’s form—with her gaze. She touched him with her mind and knew the truth.

It wasn’t him.

When she spoke, her voice sounded hard and cold.

“You’re not Rafael.”

“What?”

Matthias reached out. She held the creature’s mind captive, forcing it open and giving Matthias access. Was there any end to her powers? With her gaze on it, the daemon pulverem couldn’t move. She was right—it wasn’t Rafael. Matthias searched and found what he needed.

“I have it, Taz,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady. “You can do it. We’re done here.”

She nodded and hefted the sword. “This is for Rafael,” she sobbed, and ran it through him.

The daemon pulverem exploded, the dust settling on the doorstep.

They found Rafe’s body hidden in the woods several yards behind his cabin. The marks she’d seen that morning in the gravel were made by his heels when the creatures dragged his body out.

Matthias tried to get Taz to return to their cabin, but she insisted on watching the Stooges retrieve him. They carefully shrouded him in a blanket and gently loaded him into one of the Land Rovers. Before they left, she pulled the blanket from his face.

Rafe looked peaceful, at rest. And she felt empty, like a piece of her was now dead, too. Despite the reasons behind what she’d done, she hoped she’d given him some pleasure before he died.

Taz didn’t know how they killed him. She didn’t want to know. Whatever they’d done, it was soon after she’d left him. She knew that from what she saw in the daemon pulverem’s mind. She remembered giving Rafe release and withdrawing, wondering now if she left some vital defense unguarded by handling him so roughly.

And she wondered if the bad dreams she had later foretold his death.

Taz closed her eyes and silently wept, apologizing though she knew he was beyond the realm of even her considerable reach.

I’m so sorry, Rafe. I didn’t know this would happen. I’m so, so sorry.

Matthias’ words in the cafe in Gardiner haunted her.

“What you and I can do can literally kill people or get people killed.”

Even though she knew she didn’t kill Rafe, she still felt responsible. He was here to help her and Matthias. He’d been distracted, his guard down, because of games she played because she was pissed at Matthias.

Because she’d been an immature brat. And it hurt. She’d never hurt so bad. The guilt, the pain—this was her fault.

“It’s okay, Taz…”

Now if she could just get that phantom voice out of her head.

She found Rafael’s right hand. He still wore his ring. The daemon pulverem wasn’t able to reproduce it exactly when he imitated Rafe. And the creature didn’t know about Rafe’s nervous tic.

It slid off without resistance.

She slipped it on her right hand, and it fit, cool, but soon warming to her flesh. He had a thinner build than Matthias, his fingers about the same size as her own. The yellow stone winked at her in the moonlight, and she looked at Rafe.

I love you, Rafe. I don’t know why, but I do. I’ll never forget you. I wish I could have given you that chance. I’ll look for you first in our next life. I promise you have dibs. I don’t know how, but I will.

Anastazia touched his hand, his flesh cold, and tucked it under the blanket. She kissed her fingers and touched them to his lips, remembering their kiss on the boardwalk, their dinner, and how much they shared in such a short amount of time.

Taz felt Matthias’ hand on her shoulder. “It’s not your fault.” His voice sounded hoarse, full of barely restrained grief. Matthias put an arm around her, and with his free hand replaced the blanket over Rafe’s face. “You didn’t kill him.”

“I feel like I did,” she whispered, her voice breaking.

“No, you didn’t. The daemon pulverem killed him, and whoever is responsible for sending them. Not you. He was much, much older than you and very powerful. He knew the risks, knew how to protect himself.”

She tried to protest then sent him her thoughts. Showed him what she did to Rafe the night before, too ashamed to speak it out loud.

His voice interrupted her. “Anastazia. Listen to me. You are my love, my one and only love, and you are not responsible for this.”

How could Matthias not hate her? Not only that, still love her? It amazed her, and again Taz wondered if he loved her because he wanted her or because she wanted him to.

Then he kissed her, and she felt Matthias inside her mind, gently seeking, probing. She let him, opening to him in her grief, baring herself. She might be more powerful, but he was more experienced. She wanted him in there now, wanted him to have his way.

“My love…”

She realized there was a way. Rafael had told her.

“Please do it, Matthias. Make it stop hurting. Mark me.”

She felt his mind caressing hers and wanted him to be the only one able to touch her thoughts like this. She never wanted to be the cause of another innocent’s death. She wanted the pain to go away, even at the risk of her own life.

She would rather die than hurt like this. Now she understood what Rafe meant about pain. She wasn’t responsible for her parents’ death. That had hurt, but that was a dull ache compared to this agony.

This felt like her heart would implode. She hadn’t taken Rafe’s breath from his body, but she left him open and defenseless. In her heart, she knew he’d died because of her.

Died loving her.

“Take me, Matthias. Mark me. Please, do it.”

He shook his head. “Please don’t ask this of me.”

“You have to. You can do this for me. I’m giving myself to you.”

Taz stopped short of forcing him. Matthias closed his eyes, touched his forehead to hers, and she felt him search through her mind.

“Are you sure? I cannot undo this once it’s done.”

“Please! I can’t stand this,” she sobbed. “Please do it. Rafe is dead because of me.”

He took her pain away. There was a blinding light in her mind and his voice—

“Sleep, my love.”

Her body went limp in his arms. He picked her up and carried her back to their cabin.

Matthias closed the door. She was asleep on their bed, would hopefully sleep until morning.

“I cannot believe you did that!” Robertson protested in low tones outside the cabin when Matthias returned. “I don’t care that she begged. You had no right! She didn’t understand the full ramifications of what it means.”

“You didn’t feel how desperate she was, how close to breaking. She holds herself personally responsible for his death. What was I to do, let her suffer? Let her blame herself?”

“Bloody hell, it was just a kiss, Matthias! Jesus Christ, Rafael was a flirt. He did stuff like that all the time, you know that.”

Matthias fixed Tim with his gaze. “Matthias, what happened?”

Matthias shook his head. “She wouldn’t want me to tell anyone. Not even you. Let’s just say she got a taste of how powerful she is, and it got away from her. She thinks what she did caused a breach in Rafael’s defenses and allowed the demons access, and she feels very guilty and ashamed.”

Looking stunned, Albert asked, “Did she?”

“There is a chance she’s right.”

Tim fought to keep his voice low. “You took her free will, Matthias. There is no excusing that.” For the first time in the centuries he’d known him, Tim hated Matthias, regretted letting him meet Anastazia. “For all the promises you gave me of letting her get to know you and make her own decisions, then you go and mark her? How could you do that?”

“I didn’t.”

“What?”

Matthias studied the ground. “I didn’t mark her.”

He grabbed Matthias by the arm and pulled him farther from the cabin. “She begged you. We all heard it. We were standing right there.”

Albert followed the conversation, obviously listening, but staying out of it.

Matthias looked at them. “I didn’t do what she asked.”

“Then what did you do?”

He looked down. “She was upset and didn’t realize what I was doing. Wasn’t doing. She’s so strong, she thought I would have to do what she wanted, but she was not forcing me. I never could have done it otherwise. I simply made her to go to sleep.”

Matthias fought his own tears. He’d glimpsed something in her mind, a suspicion, a fleeting idea that if true, made Rafael’s death all the more poignant. But now, in this life, Anastazia loved him—Matthias saw the depths of it in her thoughts, despite her feelings for Rafe. He saw how remorseful she was and how she’d come to him in the night after leaving Rafe.

She hurt so much, was in so much pain. And now he bore his own guilt for bringing her into a life she wasn’t yet ready for. If anyone was to blame, it was him.

Albert found his voice first. “She can still—”

Matthias looked at them, anger painted on his face. “I don’t want her if she doesn’t choose me willingly. What’s the point of having someone who can’t choose freedom? I want to be her husband, not her jailer. I had to do something, but I refuse to mark her.”

Tim clasped Matthias’ arm, and shook his head in amazement. “You’re bloody brilliant, you know that? I was sure you’d marked her. She practically ordered you to do it.”

Albert reached out to his friend, touched his arm. “Matthias, are you okay?”

“Rafe knew the risks. I understand her pain. I’m responsible for his death because he was here at my request.” His face darkened, and his voice dropped. “I will avenge him.”

“How will you keep this from her?” Tim gently asked. “You’ve given her full access. You will have to block her from your mind, at least from that part of it. What is she going to think when she finds out that you didn’t mark her? You know she’s stronger than you. It’s only a matter of time.”

Matthias shook his head. “I don’t know. I’m hoping she doesn’t notice until later, when she has learned enough and can accept she’s not to blame. If she does, I won’t lie to her.” He looked at them both. “But she’s not ready. You’re right that she didn’t understand what she asked. She thought she did, but she was only thinking of her pain. Her grief is so strong. She was near breaking. And I need her focused on her survival. Rafe would want that.”

The other two nodded in agreement.