Love On Call

Glenn lifted up on her elbow, gave Mari a long look. “Whatever you just thought, stop thinking it.”

“How did you know?” Mari asked softly.

“You shivered, and your pulse jumped.” Glenn kissed her, a tender kiss that grew firmer, claiming her even as it soothed. “And we agreed not to do that today.”

Mari didn’t have to ask what Glenn meant. Glenn always seemed to know what she needed, or at least what she said she needed. The now. That’s what she’d asked for. She couldn’t offer more, even though she couldn’t live in the now. She never had. She’d always counted on the future, planned for it, and once faced with the reality that a future might never exist, she’d reluctantly accepted that life held no promises. And that she could make none. “Can you do that? The now?”

Glenn traced soft circles on Mari’s skin, trails of fire and tears. “When you wake up every day knowing the sunrise might be the last you’ll ever see, you learn to stop thinking beyond the moment. After a while you forget things were ever any different.”

“I know something about that.” Mari covered Glenn’s hand, ran her fingertip the length of her oh-so-sensitive fingers. She didn’t have to explain. Glenn understood what she’d faced during those long months of treatment, the uncertainty and, finally, the resignation. Only a fool would trust to fate. “So you know what I mean, about not plan—”

“Right now,” Glenn said gently, brushing another kiss over her lips, stealing her apology, sealing the guilt away, “I’m going to find you something to eat. Can’t have you losing strength just yet.”

Mari laughed, surprising herself. Maybe Glenn really could hold her in the now. She certainly had made her incredibly happy for the last few hours. “Are you really hungry?”

“You have no idea.” Glenn’s voice was husky, her gaze the stormy gray of a coming gale.

“I am too.” Mari wrapped her legs around Glenn’s and pulled her completely on top of her, fitting their bodies together, breast and belly and thighs. She arched under her, inviting, wanting, wanton. “Don’t go anywhere.”

“Never.” Glenn’s lids fluttered half closed and she groaned. Bracing herself on her arms, she rocked between Mari’s thighs, firmly, rhythmically, steadily building, unbearably taunting, ceaseless demanding. “I can’t get close enough to you.”

Mari gripped Glenn’s shoulders, matched her lift and thrust, giving herself over to the heat and the power. When she needed more, she swept the bunched muscles of Glenn’s back down to her ass and pulled her even closer, reaching, climbing, clawing her way to the peak. When she exploded, she cried out, and Glenn gathered her up with unbearable tenderness.

Mari buried her face in the curve of Glenn’s neck, gasping for breath. “I can feel you everywhere inside me.”

Glenn held back the words she desperately wanted to say. Let me stay. I need you. She shuddered, a need far different than any she’d ever known roaring through her.

“It’s all right,” Mari whispered, for the first time misunderstanding Glenn’s body language. “Let me make you come.”

Glenn jerked in a breath, focused on the now. She knew the terms of engagement. This moment, no more. “Touch me.”

Mari pushed on her shoulders, rolling her over, rising above her.

Glenn stroked her breasts, her abdomen, the curve of her hips. “You’re beautiful.”

Mari swept her hair back with a hand, smiling down at her. “You have a wonderful way of distracting me, but not just yet.” She slid her hand between Glenn’s thighs and squeezed, fingers already knowing exactly where to press.

Glenn’s spine bowed and white heat lashed her brain. Her teeth clamped tight on a strangled groan. Somewhere light laughter cut through the sweet torture. Mari didn’t take her over quickly this time. She stroked and teased until Glenn couldn’t breathe.

“Please,” Glenn gasped.

Mari bent down, her breasts brushing Glenn’s, and kissed her. “Please what?”

“Please now.”

“Oh yes,” Mari whispered, stroking as she filled her, sliding in, gliding out, never stopping. “Now. Now you’re mine.”

Another lifetime later, Glenn groaned and tried to sit up. Boneless, she gave up and contented herself with stroking Mari’s back where she lay curled against her. “I’m done.”

Mari laughed and rubbed her cheek against Glenn’s breast. “I thought you soldier types had more stamina.”

“Clearly out of practice.”

Mari grew still. “I never asked, I just assumed…”

“There’s no one.”

No one. Mari knew what that was like, to be alone. Had known. Knew in her heart that was no longer true. She sat up, smiled brightly. “Someone promised me food.”

Glenn felt the change, the click of distance settle between them. Two in the afternoon. They’d had three hundred and sixty minutes, twenty thousand seconds. Enough of a gift to compress into a lifetime.

“Cold pizza? Scrambled eggs?” Glenn sat up, giving Mari the space she’d silently asked for.

“Sounds perfect.”

Glenn committed the light in Mari’s eyes to memory. She’d remember the happiness of this moment, knowing the truth of it. “Both?”

Mari kissed her. “Yes, both. Everything. I need another shower.”

“So do I,” Glenn said, letting Mari decide.

“Come with me.”

*

Glenn called Flann a little after one a.m. When Flann picked up the phone, she sounded as if she was wide-awake, just like always. All told, married life hadn’t seemed to change her all that much, only the restlessness was gone.

“Why do you never call me with good news?” Flann asked.

“What fun would that be?”

Flann chuckled. “What have you got?”

“Believe it or not, a gunshot wound to the hand.”

“Member of the service?” Flann said quickly, referring to those in uniform—law enforcement agents, firemen, first responders.

“No, a ten-year-old boy who for some reason was up long after his parents had gone to bed. Apparently there was a party and they weren’t paying too much attention. He found—get this—his mother’s twenty-five caliber in her purse and decided to take it apart to see how it worked.”

“Jesus. How bad is it?”

“Not bad enough to need ortho. Metacarpal is fractured, but looks like a washout and a splint will take care of it for now. You want me to call them?”

“Nah,” Flann said. “If you do, it’ll take until dawn for them to get there and then the OR will be backed up tomorrow. You and I can have it done in an hour. Call the OR.”

“Already done. Consent’s signed and he’s in the holding area with his grandmother. His parents—well, I didn’t think they were quite in any state to sign consent.”

“Pretty sure I was coming in, huh?”

“Never known you to pass up a case.”

Flann laughed. “I haven’t heard from you at night for a while.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t doing much tonight.”

“Saturday night.”

“Like I said, the OR’s ready.”

Flann must’ve taken the hint. She didn’t even bother trying to get a rise out of her. “See you there in fifteen.”

Glenn hung up and looked around the empty surgeon’s lounge with its outdated, cracked vinyl sofas and mismatched end tables littered with cups and takeout containers, and felt more at home than in her apartment. She’d sat there a thousand times before, just like this, and the only thing that had changed was her. Mari had left soon after their shower and cold pizza meal, and she hadn’t been able to do anything since except think about the way Mari had felt stretched out above her, the way Mari had taken her and allowed herself to be taken. By the time she’d decided she was going to make herself crazy if she didn’t stop, it was already dark, and the best place to be on a lonely Saturday night was the ER. A couple of the nurses gave her a knowing look when she walked in and scanned the board for a case to evaluate, but everyone welcomed her back. Old home week.

She closed her eyes and let her mind go blank, an old habit that allowed her to be ready for anything at an instant’s notice, but kept her from thinking when there was nothing to be done about anything. Not the next mission, the next emergency, the next death on her watch.

A foot nudged her leg. “Yo, sleeping beauty. You done with your beauty rest?”

Glenn cracked an eye and grinned up at Flann. “I only need a couple minutes, but I let you sleep most of the night.”

“You doing all right?” Flann asked with unaccustomed seriousness.

Glenn flushed, wondering how much showed in her face. “To tell you the truth, I don’t know anymore.”

“Mari?”

“Yeah.” Glenn couldn’t deny her.

Flann’s grin widened, part sympathy, part amusement. “Believe me, I’ve been there, and I’m still there. But take it from me, it gets a lot worse before it gets better.”

Glenn shoved herself to her feet. “Thanks, I knew I could always count on you.”

*

“You know what, my mama ought to be taking the biscuits out of the oven right about now,” Flann said when they wheeled the boy into the recovery room and left him to the nurses. “Let’s head that way.”

Glenn nodded. She should be tired, with almost no sleep for two nights running, but the last thing she wanted was to face the empty bed she’d last shared with Mari. “What about Abby—should we go get her and Blake?”

Flann shook her head. “Abby’s been working nights all week, and the two of them aren’t early risers anyhow. I’ll bring them home something from the farm.”

“How is it, adjusting, you know, to a family?”

Flann shrugged as they walked out into the dawn. “Weird, but it feels like it’s always been this way, or at least it always should’ve been this way and I was just too dumb to know it. Abby and Blake are as much a part of me as the rest of my family. I can’t imagine life without them.”

A twinge stabbed at the soft spot behind Glenn’s breastbone. An attachment like that, a need like that, was more dangerous than anything she’d ever experienced or wanted to think about. She wasn’t cut out for family attachments, hadn’t been raised to it the way Flann and the rest of the Rivers sisters were. She was born a loner and had learned to be alone, and maybe she should stop fighting the natural order of things.

“Suits you.”

Flann grinned, and they rode in easy silence the short distance to the homestead. Flann parked under the portico and they walked around the back to the porch and through the kitchen door. Ida turned from where she had been removing a tray of biscuits from the oven and looked them over.

“You two look like you’ve been up all night. Coffee is hot.”

“Morning, Mama,” Flann said, kissing Ida’s cheek and reaching around her for one of the strips of bacon draining on a paper-towel-covered platter.

Ida gave Flann a light slap on the shoulder. “You can take one because I know you’ve been working hard, but just one.” She smiled over at Glenn. “You too.”

Glenn shook her head. “I’m good till breakfast.”

“Won’t be long. Edward and Margie should be down shortly.” She looked a little wistful for a second. “Breakfasts are a lot quieter these days than they used to be.”

“Don’t you worry,” Flann said gently. “Before too long, you’ll have grandkids spending the night, and you’ll wish for a little peace and quiet.”

Ida patted Flann’s cheek. “Well, I’ve already got two, now don’t I, and one big enough to be coming around on his own. You make sure Blake knows he can stop by whenever he wants.”

“Thanks, I’ll do that,” Flann said, her voice unusually husky.

Ida raised an eyebrow in Glenn’s direction. “You’ve been scarce lately. Working too hard, I imagine.”

“No more than usual.” Glenn settled with a cup of coffee at her usual place at the table. That might not be strictly truthful, but trying to give Mari the distance she apparently wanted had cut down on some of the time she spent in the ER. The hours they’d spent wrapped up in each other probably weren’t going to change that. When Mari had left the day before, neither of them had suggested plans to get together again. Glenn sighed. When she looked up from her coffee, Ida and Flann were regarding her curiously. She straightened, hoping to look nonchalant. “Just getting used to the new routine down in the ER.”

“I imagine you miss keeping this one in line.” Ida pointed a spatula affectionately in Flann’s direction.

Flann laughed. “Oh yeah, like I need supervision.” She paused, shot Glenn a look. “Although Glenn might need a wingman these days, seeing how she’s starting to make a little more time with the ladies.”

“I imagine that’s Glenn’s business and none of yours,” Ida said soundly and pointed Flann toward a chair. “Sit. Your father’s on his way down.”

Glenn didn’t hear anything for a few seconds and then picked out the steady fall of footsteps approaching down the hall. She couldn’t imagine being that tuned in to another person, not until she thought about waking next to Mari, feeling the weight of Mari’s head on her shoulder, the featherlight touch of Mari’s fingertips resting gently on her abdomen, their heartbeats slowly beating in time. Oh yes, she could imagine it with equal parts wonder and fear. What would happen if that fragile, essential connection broke?

“Eggs?” Ida’s voice shattered her reverie.

“Oh, sure. Anything,” Glenn said.

Edward and Margie sat at the table and the room filled with conversation. Like the rest of the Rivers family Margie was a morning person, and despite it being only six thirty on a Sunday morning, she eagerly questioned Flann and Glenn about the case they’d done the night before.

When Edward got up to leave for hospital rounds, Flann said, “Can I take a care package home for Abby and Blake?”

“Already put one together,” Ida said. “Bacon and egg sandwiches. Two each.”

“That might be enough for Blake,” Flann said, grinning. “He seems to be in the midst of a growth spurt.”

“You ought to take it before it gets cold,” Ida said.

“Let me help you clean up.”

Glenn stood and began to gather the plates. “I’ll take care of that, you go ahead.”

“Sure?” Flann asked.

“Yeah, I’m good.”

Flann clapped her on the shoulder and grabbed the bag Ida had prepared. “Thanks. I’ll run by the hospital later this morning and check on our postop.”

“I’ll do that.” Glenn shrugged. “I’ve got nothing else going on today.”

Flann hesitated. “How will you get home?”

“I’ll take her,” Margie chimed in.

Flann laughed. “Any excuse to drive, huh?”

Margie grinned and Glenn caught a glimpse of the beauty she was going to be in another year or two. Her face was already leaner than a few months ago, her cheekbones strong and arched, her wide blue eyes deep set and the color of the sky on a hot summer day.

“Thanks.” Flann kissed her mother, ruffled Margie’s hair, and headed out the back door.

In a few minutes, the table was cleared and Ida was sitting on the back porch drinking her coffee and perusing the Sunday paper. Glenn kissed her cheek, said good-bye, and followed Margie down the drive to where the old pickup was pulled up beside the barn. She climbed in as Margie got behind the wheel.

Margie didn’t turn on the engine right away, but swiveled on the seat and glanced at Glenn. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” Glenn rolled down her window and the breeze off the pasture blew through. A creek ran behind the barn on its way down to the river, dividing two of the larger fields, and the scent of corn and fresh-cut hay lofted in.

“Blake told me about the surgery,” Margie said, “and that he and Abby and Flann talked it all over and it’s no big deal.”

Glenn waited.

“I’ve seen the videos too,” Margie said.

“Uh-huh.”

Margie tapped her fingers against the wheel, looked out through the windshield before glancing directly into Glenn’s eyes. “Sometimes when you’re afraid, you don’t want the people who lo…care about you to be scared too, so you pretend you’re not.” She snorted. “Like pretending to be strong is what matters the most.”

Glenn swallowed. She knew a lot about pretending not to be afraid so the ones who depended upon her wouldn’t be paralyzed by their own fear. Was that how Mari felt, refusing to let anyone close to protect them from the fear she felt inside?

She refocused on Margie. “You know, Blake’s surgery, that’s private stuff.”

Margie nodded quickly. “I know that. It’s okay, I got the gist. He tells me pretty much everything.” She grinned. “Well, maybe not everything. You have to have your secrets, right?”

“Right.” Glenn wasn’t really so sure about that. She didn’t seem to have any secrets left where Mari was concerned, whether she told her or not. Mari just sensed how she felt, what she needed. “So what are you worried about?”

“You and Flann, you’ll make sure nothing happens to him, right? You know, some weird-ass thing that nobody expects?” Margie sighed. “Because I think he’s maybe just a little scared.”

“The chance of anything serious going wrong is really, really, really small.” Glenn held Margie’s gaze. “But anything can happen, anytime, to anyone. You know that, right?”

“I know,” Margie said softly. “Like Kate. My dad and Harper and Flann couldn’t save her. If all of them together couldn’t save her…” She shook her head, took a deep breath. “They don’t talk about it, but I know they’re really sad that they couldn’t.”

Glenn clasped Margie’s hand tightly. “That’s not going to happen to Blake. Flann and I, and Abby too, will take care of him.” Sometimes, after the hard truth, hope was the most important gift. Without hope, the struggle was too hard.

Margie’s eyes cleared. “Okay, yeah. I knew that. I just wanted to hear you say it, I guess.”

“Anytime.”

“You’ll tell him that, right?”

“I promise.”

“Swag.” Margie started the engine and dropped the hammer on the old truck. It jolted forward, and they shot down the driveway.

Glenn laughed. “Harper sees you drive like that, she’ll kick your ass.”

Margie shot her a look. “Yeah, maybe. But then again,” she laughed wildly, her hair blowing like strands of red fire around her face, “maybe not. I might be able to take her.”

“Yeah, right.” Grinning, Glenn leaned back and closed her eyes, indulging herself in memories of Mari. Dangerous, yeah, but sometimes the pleasure was worth the risk.

Chapter Twenty-six

“I thought you were off at five,” Abby said when she noticed Mari in the ER lounge.

“I was. Am.” Mari set aside the month-old copy of the Annals of Internal Medicine she’d been scanning in the never-ending, never-victorious battle to keep up with her professional reading. “I’m just waiting on a couple of X-rays on the biker in seven. I figured I might as well finish that out since there’s four new patients waiting on the board to be seen.” She probably would have stayed anyhow, even if she hadn’t been right in the middle of an interesting case. She liked finishing her own cases, even if it meant staying an hour or two after her shift was over. But she had another reason for lingering tonight. Glenn was off shift but hadn’t left either, and Mari was hoping to accidently bump into her before they both left for the weekend. She hadn’t exchanged more than a word or two with Glenn all week, and she was hoping to catch her. She really didn’t want to spend another weekend like the last one.

“I don’t mind picking it up,” Abby said, “if you have plans.”

Oh, she did. She hoped. “That’s okay, I’ve got it.”

Abby smiled. “In that case, I’m going to grab some dinner while you and Glenn are both still here.”

At the mention of Glenn’s name, Mari felt her face heat and hoped Abby didn’t notice. They’d all been busy the entire week with interviews for the new residency program that was set to gear up in just a few weeks. In between supervising students, meeting with applicants, and taking care of patients, she and Glenn had barely had time to do anything other than review cases. Glenn had seemed her normal self—calm, steady, and focused. Mari doubted she seemed as cool and collected. Every time she saw Glenn her pulse shot through the stratosphere and she seemed to have trouble finding the right words. After they’d parted on Saturday, she’d spent the rest of the weekend trying to keep busy and finding her concentration was completely shot.

No matter what she was doing, she ended up thinking about Glenn. And that almost always led to thoughts of sex. How was she to have imagined something so natural, and so easy, could cause just about every cell in her body to ignite and her brain to malfunction? She understood the biology, even the psychology, of desire, but nothing she’d ever learned came close to the reality. And the worst part was, as amazing as those few hours had been and as exciting the aftermath, she didn’t have a clue what she was going to do about it. She knew what she should do, and apparently Glenn agreed. Glenn hadn’t given any sign she wanted to repeat their encounter, just as Mari had stipulated. Yep. She had what she’d asked for, and she wasn’t the least bit happy about it.

“Got the X-rays back,” Antonelli said. “Nasty spiral fracture of the femur—midshaft.”

Grateful for the interruption, Mari jumped up and followed him out into the hall. She didn’t see Glenn with a quick look around. “Put them up on the board, let’s take a look.”

The fracture was simple enough to diagnose—the thigh bone in the mid portion was splintered with a long crack running diagonally and the two opposing, spear-shaped fragments overriding each other. The surrounding soft tissues were misshapen and swollen with blood just as she’d expected from the exam, along with the noticeable shortening of the upper leg. “What does that look like to you?”

“Looks like a trip to the OR to me.” Antonelli spoke with his usual confidence but after a quick glance at Mari’s expressionless face, hastily added, “Spiral fractures tend to be unstable, and in a weight-bearing bone, the potential for limb shortening and gait problems is significant. Open reduction is indicated.”

Mari smiled to herself. He was learning to make the transition from battlefield snap decisions to the kind of assessment appropriate in civilian care. She nodded. “Timing?”

“Considering it’s almost seven on a Friday night, if we don’t get it done now, chances are the ortho boys will want to wait until Monday or Tuesday, when the swelling is down and they can get it on the schedule electively.”

“Pros and cons to that?”

Antonelli frowned. He might be shifting his evaluations to the demands of community medicine, but he was probably always going to be a battlefield medic at the core. And he’d learned at the front that the more rapid and aggressive the treatment, the greater the number of soldiers they saved, with the smallest number of complications. Battlefield statistics supported that approach. He would never recommend postponing care. All the same, Mari wanted a medically sound reason for early intervention under the present circumstances.

“Right now, the soft tissue swelling is minimal. The longer they wait to operate, the more swelling there will be and the more difficult the dissection down to the bone. Plus, the patient’s going to be damn uncomfortable if she has to wait for four days until surgery. She’s an otherwise healthy, active fifty-year-old and she’s gonna want to get on the road to rehab as quickly as possible. If they operate tonight, she’ll be in PT by Monday morning. If it was my wife or sister, I’d want surgery tonight. So I say we call and push them to come in and rod it.”

Mari nodded. “I agree.”

From behind them, Glenn said quietly, “So do I.” When Mari swung around with a questioning look, Glenn shrugged. “I happened to notice the films down in X-ray when they were shooting them. Nice work-up, Antonelli.”

“Uh, thanks.” Antonelli shot Mari a look, as if asking if he really deserved all the credit.

Smiling, Mari shook her head, pleased by Glenn’s assessment. Glenn had praised Antonelli, and rightly so, but Glenn knew what Mari’d been trying to teach him, just like Glenn always seemed to know what she was thinking and feeling. Glenn’s professional opinion of her was nearly as important as her personal feelings, but those she could read far less easily. Did Glenn think about their intimate time together as often as she did? Did she lie awake, restless at night, her body humming with the memory of desire? Was she finding it as difficult as Mari to pretend she didn’t want it again?

Mari wished she knew how to ask, or that Glenn really could read her mind.

Antonelli spoke into the silence. “Zapata is on call. I’ll give him a ring. He’s a pretty decent guy and will probably come in with a little prodding.”

“Tell him you’ve already called the OR, per me,” Glenn said, “and that if he’s not available, we’ll get Flann Rivers to do it. That will light a fire under his butt.”

Antonelli chuckled and strode away.

“I thought Flann was off tonight,” Mari said.

“She is. Harper too. A few of us—OR crew mostly—are taking Harper out for a little prenuptial celebration.”

Mari laughed. “You’re kidding. Like a bachelor party?”

“Well, sort of.” Glenn looked sheepish, highly unlike her. “Just tradition, you know.”

Mari didn’t, but enjoyed teasing Glenn. Enjoyed a conversation that had nothing to do with death, dying, or pain. “Will there be dancing girls?”

Glenn hesitated, brows drawn down as if thinking. “Dammit. I knew there was something I forgot to do. I don’t suppose you and Carrie are free?”

“Oh,” Mari said, rolling her eyes, “I never took you for such a big dreamer.”

Glenn’s eyes darkened. “No, neither did I. But you know, nothing ever stays the same.”

Mari swallowed. “I know. Change is scary, though.”

Glenn ran her hand down Mari’s arm and cradled her fingers in her palm. Her thumb swept over the top of Mari’s hand, as swift and light as a kiss.

Mari’s lips instantly tingled as if she had been kissed.

“Not knowing can be scary, I understand that,” Glenn murmured.

“I know you do.” Mari wet her lips, searching and failing to find the words she wanted, but needing to keep the fragile connection alive, if just for another minute. “I was actually going to ask you out to dinner, but I see that you’ve already got much more exciting plans.”

“Hardly more exciting, but I’m designated driver and I can’t back out on them this time.”

“Rain check?” Mari’s heart actually thudded in her ears. She hadn’t thought that possible.

Glenn glanced down the hall, checking they were still alone. Dinner, maybe more. Was that what she wanted? All she wanted? She’d recalled the hours with Mari every night when she tried to sleep, the second she opened her eyes every morning, and every time she saw her in the ER. She’d thought a lot about what Margie Rivers had said to her in the truck too, about strength being the other side of fear. Mari was strong, she had to be to survive what she’d survived, to endure the separation from her family, to face an uncertain future. Glenn respected her for that. She understood the fear that kept Mari from hope too. She understood that war of duty and sacrifice, and she loved her for all of it. In the quiet of the long hours alone, she came to understand herself too. She loved Mari and, for the first time in her life, wasn’t afraid of what that meant. “I learned something this week.”

“What?” Mari whispered.

“Remember I told you I learned to live in the now in the war?”

Mari nodded.

“I didn’t just learn it there. I learned it growing up, when I figured out I had nobody on my side but myself. That making it through one day was a victory, and not looking ahead, not counting on anyone or anything, was the only way to avoid disappointment.”

“I’m so sorry,” Mari murmured.

“That’s okay, it got me through and made me tough. Made me who I am. And I did count on a few people. I counted on my unit, I counted on Flann and Harp and the rest of the Riverses.” Glenn blew out a breath. More than she’d realized. “But you taught me something more.”

Mari’s heart beat in her throat so fast, so full, she wasn’t sure she could speak. “Me? What did I teach you?”

“You taught me that every day, lived to the fullest, is just one link in the chain of forever. That it’s safe to go to sleep and believe in the sunrise. You made me believe that when I open my eyes, everything that matters to me will still be there. I want that to be you, Mari. And I want you to believe that I’ll be there for you.”

“I…I don’t know if I can. Believe.” Mari grabbed Glenn’s hand. “But you make me wish I could.”

Glenn nodded. “I know that too. But you know what? I’m patient, and I’ll wait.”

“That’s not fair. To you, I mean.”

Glenn smiled, a rakish smile that carried no hint of sadness. “No one ever said life was fair, but it is what we make it. What we choose. I choose you, Mari.”

Before Mari could answer, Glenn leaned forward and kissed her, just as she did everything—filled with certainty and strength. Mari gripped her scrub shirt, leaned into her.

Antonelli cleared his throat. “Zapata tried to give me the runaround until I suggested Flann could handle things just as easily as him. He’ll be here in half an hour.”

Glenn took her time stepping back, glanced over her shoulder at Antonelli. “You’re learning.”

Antonelli looked between Mari and Glenn and flashed his lady-killer smile. “Yes, ma’am. I am.”

“Well,” Glenn said, her gaze on Mari. “I’d best head out. Don’t want them to have too much fun without me.”

“You’ll want to see to the dancing girls as well,” Mari said teasingly.

“Oh yes. I won’t forget that.” Glenn took a step, looked back. “Call me, anytime.”

Mari watched her walk away, her heart full and her soul in turmoil. Could she let her go? Did she dare try to keep her?

*

Glenn pulled out of the parking lot just as the sun dropped below the crest of the mountains, painting the road in intersecting patterns of light and shadow. Walking away from Mari was about the hardest thing she’d ever done. She’d wanted to press her for an answer, for some sign that Mari felt what she felt, and knew she couldn’t. Mari needed to come to her of her own free will, in her own time, and all she could do was hope that time would one day come. If it didn’t, well, she wasn’t going to think about that. The need that clawed at her belly was like a hunger, an aching void she couldn’t fill. Living with that need would be torture, had been torture, every day. The only thing that helped was catching a glimpse of Mari, spying that fleeting smile, the lingering look that said Mari was searching for her too in the midst of a busy day. Every time she did, she knew she was right to wait, to hope, saw the road ahead as clearly as she’d ever seen anything in her life. She wanted this woman, this one woman, and whatever it took, as long as it took, she’d do—

The IED exploded right under the belly of her vehicle. The blast deafening, the detonation blinding. She braced automatically, her transport airborne, spinning, tumbling, end over end. She landed with a bone-jarring thud in a scream of metal and shattering glass, her head striking steel, pain lancing down her spine. Through a wash of blood obscuring her vision, she fumbled for her safety harness, finally found the clasp, and once released, tumbled to the ground. The scent of fuel penetrated the copper scent of blood.

No, not ground, still inside, had to get out.

Couldn’t burn. Wouldn’t die in flames.

She crawled, wiping blood from her eyes, peering around for the rest of her unit. Couldn’t find her med kit. Up ahead a Humvee on its side, trailing a glistening line of fuel on the road. Pushed to her feet, staggering, dizzy. Found the door, braced her leg against crumpled metal, felt the edge slice through her BDUs, into her thigh. Ignoring the searing pain, she pulled, strained, finally popped the door. Single occupant, unconscious, strapped in. Couldn’t find her KA-BAR to cut the straps. Worked him free and dragged him up clear, had to stop to vomit, kneeling in the road, the trooper slung over one shoulder. RPGs lit the sky. She staggered for cover, fell again, threw her body over the trooper.

“Medic, medic,” she whispered before the dark took her.

*

While Mari waited for Dr. Zapata, the young orthopedist on call, to come in from the suburbs a half an hour or so away, she checked over the pre-op numbers, made sure Antonelli got a consent signed, and explained to the patient and her spouse what they could expect for the rest of the evening.

“Dr. Zapata will go over the surgery in detail,” she said in response to their anxious questions, “but from the experience I’ve had with fractures like this—”

The curtain enclosing the cubicle rattled back with a loud clang, and she glanced over her shoulder, annoyed at being interrupted. Antonelli filled the space between the tiny cubicle and the hall. His face was white.

“We need you out here.”

Mari smiled at the woman with the fractured femur and her worried spouse. “The surgeon will answer the rest of your questions. I’ll be back as soon as I can to check on you.” She stepped aside and closed the curtain. “What’s going on?”

“We just got a STAT call from the sheriff. MVA, two victims en route, both unresponsive.”

“Did you page Abby?”

“Yes.” Antonelli blocked her path as she started toward the trauma bay.

Annoyed, Mari stopped short, already mentally cataloging what needed to be done. “Who’s on for surgery tonight?”

“That asshole Williams. Mari—”

Mari sighed. “I wonder if we could get Flann and Glenn back here from their—”

“Mari, it’s Glenn.”

“What? You already got her?” Mari looked down the hall, expecting to see Glenn stride around the corner with her battle-ready expression, directing everyone to their stations.

“No, no. Listen. The sheriff’s local. He recognized her. One of the victims is Glenn.”

Chapter Twenty-seven

Icy fingers squeezed Mari’s throat. Time froze. The sound of her thundering heart drowned out all thought, leaving only primal fear.

“Where is she?”

Mari skirted around Antonelli, shouldered him aside when he tried again to stop her, and raced toward the admitting area. Antonelli, with his longer legs, caught her easily and grasped her arm.

“Don’t.” Mari jerked free, her voice a whip crack in the unnatural silence. Where was everyone? In receiving, waiting for the injured. Waiting for Glenn. No, that couldn’t be. She couldn’t even bring that picture into focus. The vision made no sense, and yet, beneath the denial, a terrible truth tried to bubble free. Nothing lasts—not life, not love, not dreams. “No. No, that it isn’t true. I will not accept that.”

“Mari,” Antonelli said, dropping his hand and keeping pace. “You don’t want to do this. Abby’s on her way down right now. We’ll take care of Glenn.”

Mari stared straight ahead. A crowd of hospital personnel and security guards formed a corridor from the double doors of the emergency room toward the treatment area, ready to escort the victims.

No. Glenn was not a victim, she was everything that a victim wasn’t—a warrior, a leader, a healer. Mari ran outside past the blur of faces, barely slowing enough to clear the half-opened glass doors as they slid back, into the bright glare of the floodlights illuminating the emergency zone in the lot outside receiving. The area was empty save for an emergency van and two parked police cars. The sky was ridiculously clear, moonlit and star-studded. Mockingly beautiful. She scanned the hillside below and the winding road down to the village she’d walked that first night with Glenn.

Antonelli followed her out, stood silent vigil with her.

“Where are they?” Mari asked.

“Two minutes out,” Abby said, coming up behind them. As she spoke, a faint siren wail grew louder, as if summoned. “Mari, take triage, Antonelli, take the trauma bay—”

“Mari can’t triage,” Antonelli said. “I’ll do it.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because they’re…” Antonelli stared helplessly from Mari to Abby.

Abby peered at Mari. “Oh God. All right—yes, Mari, back inside. Let us take care of this.”

“I’m all right.”

“Of course you’re not. As soon as I know what the situation is, I’ll brief you. Until then, you’re backup, non-patient care. I mean it.” Abby blew out a breath, squinted into the dark in the direction of the sirens. “If there was time, I’d get Carrie in here to wait with you…”

“Don’t send me away.” Mari drew in a long breath. “I want to see her. I won’t get in the way. I’ll wait, just please—”

Abby squeezed her shoulder. “The minute she’s stable, I promise.”

Mari turned to go inside, spun back to meet Abby’s gaze. Abby knew, they all knew, what might lie ahead. “I don’t want her to be alone if…”

“We are not going to let that happen. And Glenn will never quit. You know that, if you love her.”

“Yes.” Mari grasped onto Abby’s fierce strength, needing to believe.

“Good. Now I need you inside. Make sure the staff is ready and we’ve got the support teams standing by. Can you do that?”

Mari nodded, stony calm sweeping over her, blunting panic and doubt. The battle had begun. “Yes. Trauma admitting and room two?”

“That sounds good. We don’t know the status of either one.”

A nurse came out to join them. “EMT radioed—they’re coding one of them en route.”

“That one goes to trauma admitting.” Abby pointed at Mari as the night filled with the wail of warring sirens and explosions of red flickering lights cutting through the trees just below them. “Go.”

Mari hesitated, every instinct driving her to stay. Glenn was hurt, alone, and she didn’t know…if you love her. Only her training convinced her she’d be in the way for the first few critical moments. She trusted Abby and the others she’d come to think of as family, and turned on wooden legs to hurry back inside.

Bruce met her halfway down the hall. “Is it true? Is it Glenn?”

“I think so.”

“Flann just called, she and Harper are on their way. Five minutes max.”

“Thank God,” Mari murmured. “Are you ready? You have respiratory here, X-ray?”

“Setting up now.”

“What about the blood bank and the OR?”

“Just about to call.”

“I’ll take the OR, you notify the blood bank.”

Bruce jogged away and Mari saw in her mind’s eye what she knew was happening outside. The emergency vans careening to a stop, doors already swinging open, paramedics jumping out and dragging the gurneys free—the injured strapped down, helpless, panicked, and in pain. All she wanted was to be by Glenn’s side, fighting whatever battle needed to be fought, denying death this one critical time. She shivered, forced the image away, willed herself to think. Do. Do what needed to be done. She punched in the extension to the OR, told them to get anesthesia and OR techs on standby.

She hung up the phone, and the cacophony of voices filled the hallway, shouting over one another in a chaotic chorus she’d heard hundreds of times. As her training kicked in, each note in the madness rang out crystal clear. A male medic shouting out vital signs, Abby calling for blood, Antonelli yelling for a trach tray.

Steeling herself, Mari whirled, focused on the first stretcher rocketing toward her, the patient with a cervical collar obscuring their lower face and blood covering the upper portion. Short sandy hair, and a medic astride the stretcher, rhythmically compressing the chest. Full arrest.

Mari’s stomach twisted. Please, please, not her.

As the team hurtled by, she saw the glint of a gold ring on the left hand. Not Glenn. Not Glenn.

“Trauma one,” Abby shouted and was gone.

Right behind them, Antonelli guided another stretcher pushed by a female EMT reading out blood pressure, pulse rate, pulse ox from the mountain of monitors piled beside the patient.

The patient.

Pale, so pale, a large gash running from the hairline at her right temple across her forehead, and blood, so much blood. Cervical collar, IV lines, EKG leads on exposed flesh. Mari pushed to the side of the stretcher, ran to keep up, gasped, “Glenn.”

Glenn’s eyes were open, staring and unfocused, her pupils wide and dilated. Mari registered somewhere in the midst of the kaleidoscope of images the flicker of movement in the storm-gray pupils, reactive and equal, normal.

“I’ve got her,” Antonelli said.

And Mari had to step aside to make room and they were past her and Glenn was gone. Galvanized, she sped down the hall after them. The EMT pushed the stretcher into treatment room two and everyone converged around Glenn, blocking Mari’s view. Suddenly helpless, she stood in the opening of the cubicle and wondered at the value of all her training when the only thing that mattered at that moment was saving Glenn, and she could not help. Nothing mattered, nothing at all, except Glenn.

Reality receded to the tableau beneath the blinding spotlight and she just stood there, waiting for the unknown. Just as she had been doing since the moment the doctors had informed her she had a potentially terminal illness, and life as she had known it had ended.

Hands grasped her shoulders and Mari shuddered. Flann bent down, peered into her eyes. “You okay?”

“Yes.” Her voice sounded hollow, empty. Dead.

“Stay here. Let me get a look at her and I’ll be right back. Okay?”

Mari nodded.

“Stay right there,” Flann said firmly. “She’ll want to see you. All right?”

Mari dragged in a breath. She was done being dead inside. “Yes, yes. I’m here.”

Flann strode into the treatment room and the crowd around Glenn’s bed gave way as if the sea were parting before an inexorable force. Mari followed close in her wake. No one was keeping her away from Glenn any longer. Flann leaned over the side of the stretcher, and Mari hovered by her right side.

No breathing tube. Saline soaked gauze on her forehead, still actively bleeding. Mari scanned the monitors. Pulse ox 95. BP 80 systolic. IVs running wide open. Stable.

“Glenn,” Flann said in a strong clear voice. “You with me? You know me?”

Glenn blinked slowly, winced.

“Glenn?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. You know where you are?”

Glenn blinked again and her eyes rolled. She wet her lips. “What about my unit?”

Flann glanced at Antonelli, raised an eyebrow.

“She kept muttering there was an IED,” Antonelli said. “She thinks she’s in Iraq.”

Flann gripped Glenn’s shoulder. “It’s Flann, Glenn. You’re at the Rivers. Car accident. We’re all okay.”

Glenn swallowed and groaned softly. “No fire?”

“No. You’re okay. Where does it hurt?”

“Everywhere.” Glenn’s lids flickered closed. “Damn.”

“Chest, belly? Glenn, hey, tell me where.”

Mari focused on the X-rays that came up on the screen on the wall over the bed. “Fluid in the right costophrenic angle. Rib fracture.”

Flann followed her gaze. “Not too bad, though. Damn, I like putting in chest tubes too.”

“Belly films look all right,” Antonelli chimed in.

“Looks like you’re taking a trip down to CT to make sure everything’s where it should be inside your head,” Flann said. “I’m headed to the OR but Harp will be here.”

Glenn grimaced. “Mari. Tell Mari—”

“I’m here.” Mari nudged Flann aside, gripped Glenn’s arm above the tangle of IV lines. “Right here.”

“Don’t…worry.”

Mari laughed weakly. “Never. Just let everyone look after you for a change. Rest now.”

Flann pulled off her gloves. “Antonelli, you and Bruce take her—”

“I’ll go down with Antonelli,” Mari said.

Flann gave her a look, slowly nodded. “All right. If there’s any change while you’re downstairs, let me or Harp know right away. When you get back up here, one of us will take care of that laceration.”

Glenn said softly, “Just don’t let Antonelli do it.”

Antonelli laughed.

“Don’t sweat it,” Flann said. “We’ll make sure you’re still handsome.”

Mari backed just far enough away so the staff could get Glenn ready for transport.

“What about the other one,” she asked Flann.

“I’m about to explore his belly. Damn lucky Glenn pulled him out of his Hummer. The thing blew up right after the first responders got them clear. Looks like he ran through the intersection at about a hundred miles an hour, T-boned Glenn, and totaled her Jeep. If Glenn hadn’t been in something that big…” She shook her head. “Damn lucky for both of them.”

Luck, fate, chance—was that really what life was all about? Maybe. But what did it matter? Glenn was alive and here, now. And so was she.

Chapter Twenty-eight

“No focal swelling,” Harper muttered as cut after cut of the head CT scan appeared on the computer screen.

Mari stared unblinking, searching each view for some hidden enemy, reluctant to be convinced. The calculating, cool part of her mind scanned and correlated, while the emotional part she usually kept contained and shut away while she worked kept screaming, This is Glenn—Glenn!—and she’s in danger. Mari took a shaky breath. “With the size of that laceration, she must have taken a serious hit. She’s going to have a hell of a headache.”

“For sure.” Harper grinned. “She’ll never admit to it. She’ll just want to rub dirt on the sore spots and get back in the game.”

“I know. God, she could have—”

Harper draped an arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “She could have, but she didn’t. She’s going to be all right. Could-haves don’t matter in this game. Only what is.”

“Only what is,” Mari whispered. Only now. This now, and as she was beginning to understand, the next one. Relief so potent she was briefly light-headed washed over her. “I’m so glad you’re here. You and Flann and Abby—everyone.”

“Where else would we be, huh? Glenn’s family.”

Tears pricked her eyes. “Yes, I know.”

Harper made a few notes on Glenn’s chart and dropped it on the small desk facing the glass-enclosed room where the big scanner revolved around Glenn’s head. “We’ll run her chest and abdomen too, but there’s no sign of anything worse than a cracked rib or two. She’ll need to stay in at least overnight.”

“Can’t you keep her longer? You know she’ll want to go right back to work.”

“Abby can probably hold her off awhile, but you know what Glenn’s going to say. If she’d been at the front, she’d be back with her unit in the morning.”

“This isn’t the damn front,” Mari said, her fear giving way to rage. Some careless, irresponsible driver had nearly killed the best person she knew, the woman who had already given so much for so many. The woman she loved.

“It is to her,” Harper said gently.

Mari closed her eyes, let the targetless fury drain away. “I know. You’re right.”

“I’m going to call and get a room for her upstairs. As soon as we get that laceration closed, we’ll get her settled.”

Mari waited until the scans were done and helped the ICU nurse transport Glenn back to the ER. Abby came in a few minutes later.

“Flann called down. She’s going to be a few hours. Ruptured spleen, fractured liver, avulsed duodenum. The guy’s a mess. I’ll do this.”

“Can I help?” Mari asked.

Abby cocked her head, surveyed her. “Sure. That will free up one of the nurses, and we’re slammed out there.”

Mari cut sutures and dabbed blood from the field as Abby anesthetized and closed the eight-inch laceration on Glenn’s forehead. Somehow, Glenn slept through most of the procedure, or maybe her body just kept her submerged so the healing could begin.

“It looks great,” Mari said softly as Abby finished the last suture.

Abby’s eyes above her paper mask smiled at her. “Thanks. Nice assist. She’ll have a little bit of a scar, but the orientation’s good so it won’t be too noticeable in six months or so.”

“It won’t bother her.” Mari doubted Glenn even realized how unbelievably attractive she was. And a scar? Nothing could mar her incredible beauty.

“Her room is ready,” Abby said, “so we can get her upstairs. Coming up?”

“Yes.” Mari appreciated that everyone just assumed she was staying with Glenn for as long as it took to be sure she was out of danger. Did everyone know what she had barely begun to recognize? That Glenn was the most important thing, everything that mattered to her?

“Carrie’s outside in the family waiting area if you want to give her an update while the staff get Glenn ready to transport. I’ll call you when they’re ready.”

“Thanks. I’ll go find her right now.” Still Mari hesitated, unable to leave. Glenn’s vital signs were stable, everything checked out fine, but what if she wasn’t there and something happened? What if while she was gone Glenn—

“She’s going to be all right. Sore as hell for a few weeks, and she’ll need some tending that she won’t want, but I’m sure you’ll figure out how to get around her.” Abby’s tone was gentle, knowing.

Knowing Abby knew what Mari feared, and why, gave her comfort and strength. “I might need a little help in that department. She’s one of the quietest people I know, inside, but staying quiet? Not so much.”

Abby laughed. “Don’t worry, we’ll gang up on her.”

Glenn softly muttered, “I can hear you, you know.”

Mari stroked her cheek. Glenn’s eyes opened, momentarily clear and oh so reassuringly strong. “Good. Then you know you’re outnumbered.”

Glenn’s smile flickered, and she sighed deeply. Asleep again, safe.

“I’ll be right down the hall.” Mari finally backed away, watching Glenn’s chest rise and fall, slowly and evenly, checked the EKG and blood pressure tracings moving steadily across the monitors one more time. Glenn was going to be all right. They were both going to be all right.

The instant Mari reached the waiting area, Carrie jumped up.

“Sometimes I hate not being one of you clinical types,” Carrie exclaimed. “I had to stay out here and all of you were running in and out and oh God is she okay?”

“She’s going to be. Banged up, but nothing time won’t fix.” Mari opened her arms as Carrie flew at her.

“Are you okay?”

“No. Yes. Just give me a year or two…” Mari buried her face in the curve of Carrie’s shoulder, and the tears she’d been holding back for hours flooded free.

Carrie rocked her, crooned wordlessly, and held on.

“Sorry, sorry,” Mari gasped when the worst of the burning in her chest had passed. “She’s fine, really.”

“Harper told me.” Carrie led Mari to a sofa against one wall, drew her down, and enclosed her in the circle of her arms. “Doesn’t mean it’s not terrifying all the same.”

“God, you’re so right.” Mari wiped her face with her palms and took a deep breath. “You heard what happened?”

Carrie nodded. “You know Glenn pulled the other driver out of the car right before it caught on fire, right? She saved the idiot that ran into her and could have killed her.”

“Of course she did. That’s Glenn.”

“She’s a hero,” Carrie said.

“She always has been.”

Carrie leaned back, read her eyes. “And I’m guessing she’s yours now.”

Mine now. Mari smiled. “Oh yes, she is.”

“I thoroughly approve.”

Mari laughed, a bubbling sensation she barely recognized at first as joy coursing through her. “I feel so lucky to have found her.”

“Oh hell, she’s the lucky one.” Grinning, Carrie gave her another hug. “After all, she’s got you.”

“Yes. She does.” Mari gave in to the comfort of Carrie’s embrace another minute longer. “I should get back. They’re going to take her upstairs soon.”

“All right. I’ll let everyone else know how she’s doing. You just concentrate on taking care of yourself.”

“Me?”

“Glenn will be rightly pissed if you don’t take care of yourself while she’s recuperating. That means eating right, sleeping right, and not worrying.”

“I don’t know how I’m not going to worry.” She trembled, seeing the stretcher zooming past her, glimpsing Glenn’s still form, remembering the blood and the terror.

“By reminding yourself she’s all right and thinking about all the amazing things the two of you will share.”

“Yes,” Mari whispered. “I can do that. Now.”

*

Every single person in the hospital, in the entire community, maybe in the entire county came by Glenn’s room into the late hours of the night. Mari, curled up in the chair by the side of Glenn’s bed, was aware of them, sometimes just shadows, pausing in the doorway for a few seconds, then moving on. Just checking to be sure Glenn was taken care of, leaving a little positive energy behind. Around midnight Antonelli came in, reviewed Glenn’s vital signs on the computer printout by her bed, listened to her heart and lungs. When he was done he bent down by Mari’s side and whispered, “You should go home. Get some sleep. She’s had a little sedation and is going to be out all night.”

“She might wake up.”

“Not for four or five hours.”

“You’re still here.”

He shrugged. “I’ll watch her for both of us.”

“Yeah, well…I’m so glad you were here tonight.”

“Me too. Mostly I’m really glad I have such a good teacher.”

The tears came again and Mari was too tired to even be embarrassed. Antonelli silently handed her a tissue and she wiped her eyes. “We were all lucky.”

“Damn scary night, just the same.”

Mari nodded.

“If you don’t want to go home, at least crash in the on-call room for a few hours.”

“He’s right,” a woman said from the doorway.

Mari looked over and something brought her instantly to her feet as Antonelli slipped out. “I know. It’s just really hard to leave her.”

“Mm-hmm.” Ida Rivers walked to the foot of Glenn’s bed and studied her for long, silent moments. With a brisk nod, she put her arm around Mari and drew her to the door. “She’s not in pain and she’s strong as an ox. She’ll mend quickly. I’m Ida Rivers, by the way.”

“I know. All your children look like you.”

Ida smiled. “When you see them next to their father, you’ll say the same thing.”

“I’m Mari Mateo. Carrie’s cousin.”

“Glenn’s girl too, if I understand right.”

Mari caught her breath. “Yes. You do. I am.”

“The first thing she’s going to worry about when she opens her eyes is you.”

Mari surrendered. “I’ll run home, shower, change my clothes. I don’t know how I can sleep.”

“Good enough.” Ida squeezed Mari’s hand. “She’s not going to want to stay in here, either. She’ll come to the homestead for a day or two so we can make sure she doesn’t overdo.”

Mari hadn’t thought beyond the morning. Of course Glenn would need time to recover, and she’d need to be with family. The family who had chosen her, whom she had chosen. “That’s perfect. I have a feeling she’ll listen to you.”

“For as long as the lot of them do, which in this case will be about a day.” Ida laughed. “You’re welcome to come by and stay as long as you want. We’ve got more than enough rooms.”

“Thank you. I’m going to need to work, especially with Glenn out. But if you wouldn’t mind me dropping by…” Mari sighed. “I know she’s going to be all right, in my head at least, but—”

“The heart needs something different.” Ida gave her a squeeze. “Breakfast starts at six, dinner at five. We always have leftovers. So you just come around when you’re free. Glenn will want you there.”

“Thank you,” Mari whispered.

Ida glanced into the room at Glenn. “No need to thank me for taking care of my children.”

Mari returned to Glenn’s side and kissed her softly on the cheek. “I love you.”

Chapter Twenty-nine

Mari knew she wouldn’t sleep, but Ida’s voice in her head kept telling her she needed to try, and she woke up twelve hours later. A spurt of adrenaline jolted her out of bed and she speed-dialed the page operator and asked for Glenn’s floor.

“Oh, hi, Mari, this is Kimberly. I was just going off shift.”

“How’s Glenn?”

Kimberly laughed. “Harper was by around six this morning, signed Glenn’s discharge, and personally wheeled her out just as I was coming on.”

Mari sighed. Of course Glenn had left the instant she could. “Thanks.”

Mari rang off, hesitated a moment, and called the page operator back.

“This is Mari Mateo, a PA in the ER. Can you connect me to Dr. Edward Rivers’s home number?”

“Sure can. Hold on.”

Ida answered on the third ring. “Hello. Rivers.”

“Mrs. Rivers, it’s Mari. I’m so sorry to disturb you, but—”

“She’s here,” Ida said. “Sleeping still, I’d wager. Harper was by a little while ago and said everything looks just fine.”

Mari’s breath whooshed out. “Thank you.”

“What about you? Have you eaten?”

Mari laughed. “I just this minute opened my eyes. I slept almost all day. I’m fine.”

“You have time to come by for something to eat?”

“I wish I did, but I need to get to work. You’ll let me know if there’s any change, though, won’t you?”

“You can stop worrying about that. She’s sleeping and when she’s not, she’s eating, and under orders to do nothing else. Come to breakfast in the morning.”

“If you’re sure…”

“Course I am. You take care of yourself now.”

“I will. Tell her I called, please.”

“Done. Now I’ll see you in the morning.”

A shower, a cup of coffee that she drank on her way up the hill to the hospital, and a fresh sliced deli sandwich seemed to put her back on track. That and knowing Glenn was being cared for and healing.

Abby pursed her lips when Mari walked in and gave her a thorough study. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m good.”

“I’ve been working on the schedule, switching things around to cover for Glenn. I can get someone in here for you tonight too.”

“No. I want to work.”

“Good, because I need you.”

“I need to be here too.” Mari shrugged. “I want to be here. Mrs. Rivers—Ida—is looking after Glenn.”

Abby nodded. “I know. Flann told me. Everyone is getting updates and passing them along, otherwise the place out there would be overrun.” Abby smiled. “Glenn is very popular.”

“I don’t think she has any idea just how much.”

“Of course she doesn’t. That’s the sweetest thing about Glenn.”

Mari’s face heated. There were many sweet things about Glenn. “I’m going out there in the morning.”

Abby chuckled. “If it’s quiet, you can finish up a little early. And if you need to, you can take my car. I’ll catch a ride with Flann.”

“Thank you. Thanks for everything. Coming here is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life.” Mari didn’t say what Abby must already know—the staff in the ER, the friends she’d made, Carrie and the Riverses—they were her family now. This was her home. And she had Glenn, a woman she loved.

“I’m very glad you’re here.”

Her shift passed quickly. A steady line of patients, noncritical thankfully, kept her busy until six in the morning. The board was finally empty except for several patients who’d already been seen and were awaiting rooms upstairs.

“I’ll keep an eye on the rest of them,” Baker, Mari’s PA trainee, said.

“Thanks. Let me just clear it with Abby. Good job tonight.”

Baker smiled, her eyes sparkling at the praise. She was growing in confidence from a serious student to an intuitive clinician. Not everyone made that leap, but she had. “No problem. Tell Glenn we all said hi and to get well soon.”

Mari’s throat tightened. “Yes, I will.”

*

The sunrise was a brilliant wash of orange and red flames dancing over the mountaintops. Mari drove with the windows open, exulting in the cool morning air that would be gone in just a few hours, fleeing before the sultry summer heat. God, it was beautiful. She laughed aloud. She’d forgotten what happiness felt like, and the excitement that a new day brought when anything was possible.

She slowly made her way down a long gravel drive flanked by broad green fields to a magnificent brick and white-columned house with sweeping wings that looked in many ways like a miniature of the hospital, and of course it would, probably being as old or older. The multi-paned windows sparkled, urns of red and white flowers bedecked the formal front porch, and stately chimneys crowned each end gable. She parked and got out, hesitating as to whether to try the tall front door or wander around to a side entrance, when she smelled what could only be the aroma of fresh-baked bread. Ida, she guessed, was baking.

Following the delicious aroma, she walked around to the back of the house and up a few stairs to a wide, homey porch and an open doorway enclosed with just the screen. “Hello?”

Ida’s voice called back, “Thought I heard a car, but the rest of them usually pull all the way under the porte cochere. Come get some coffee.”

Mari entered a kitchen twice the size of her apartment, anchored by a huge table in the center with at least a dozen chairs, framed on two sides by wood-topped counters, glass-fronted cabinets, and a giant cast-iron stove where Ida dished food onto a platter. “Oh, I’m not sure I can eat—”

Ida turned and gestured to the table. “You’re hungry. Your stomach just hasn’t caught up yet.”

Mari sat dutifully and, when coffee appeared beside the food, realized she was ravenous. “Oh my God, these eggs are amazing.”

“Just laid this morning, that’s why.” Ida sat with a cup of coffee. “Edward’s gone on rounds, Margie is off to get Blake for their shift over in the ER, and Flann was just here checking on Glenn.”

“She’s doing all right?”

“She’s doing as she’s told. Sleeping and eating and taking the pills that Harper prescribed.”

“Thank you so much. All of you.”

Ida sipped her coffee. “How are you?”

“I’m wonderful,” Mari said and meant it with every fiber of her being.

Ida nodded. “Then everything is as it should be.”

“Not quite,” Glenn said from the doorway. “I don’t have any coffee.”

Mari dropped her fork, her heart leaping into her throat. “Glenn.”

Ida turned in her chair. “I thought we’d be seeing you this morning. Sit down. You’ll need food with the coffee.”

Mari devoured her with her eyes. She looked thinner by ten pounds and way too pale. The row of tiny perfect stitches along her forehead was starkly black against her skin. She wore a T-shirt with a faded logo of a sports team and sweatpants. She was the most beautiful woman Mari had ever seen.

“I need to water those begonias out back before the sun gets too high,” Ida said and disappeared out the back door.

Glenn’s gaze, riveted on Mari, was a beacon brightening a day Mari had thought perfect until now. Now she understood what it meant to be completely whole and unafraid. Glenn’s smile, whimsical and inviting, called to her and Mari rose. She went to her, caressed her uninjured cheek, and kissed her. “Come sit down.”

“Just give me a minute.” Glenn draped an arm around Mari’s shoulders, held her close. “I thought I heard your voice. Thought it was a dream at first. But it wasn’t, was it?”

“No,” Mari whispered against Glenn’s throat. “Not a dream. Real.” She tilted her head back, met Glenn’s calm, patient gaze. “Just like now. We’re real. I love you.”

“I thought I dreamed that too.”

“You didn’t.”

“That’s a dream I wouldn’t mind having every night.” Glenn sighed, leaned against her a little. “You’re all I’ve been thinking about. I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Always,” Mari whispered.

“I love you. I never imagined how amazing that would feel.”

Mari closed her eyes, pressed her cheek to Glenn’s shoulder. “Neither did I. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you.” She looked up, found Glenn’s eyes. “I wish I could be sure about how long I can offer you.”

Glenn brushed her thumb over Mari’s lips. “You love me, don’t you?”

“Oh yes.”

“And that’s not going to change.”

“Never.”

“I feel the same. That’s all we need. The rest is just living.”

Mari kissed her. “Then I want to live with you by my side.”

“You will.” Glenn smiled. “And for starters, I think I need breakfast.”

A joyful peace settled deep in her heart as Mari looped an arm around her waist. “Sit and get started on this enormous plate of food. I’ll tell Ida it’s safe to come back in.”

When Ida returned, she said, “Flann and Harper said no work for you for a week. They didn’t say you can’t go home, which I imagine you want to do. You know the routine. Don’t overdo.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Glenn said and polished off her breakfast with heartening energy.

Ida nodded, apparently satisfied. “I’ll pack up a basket for you to take so you have something to eat for a couple of days. Don’t imagine either one of you will be doing much cooking.”

*

Mari pulled in behind Glenn’s building and turned to face Glenn. “Are you sure you can handle the stairs?”

“As long as I go slow, I’m doing okay. My head’s good, but the ribs are pretty sore.”

“Let’s get you upstairs and into bed, then.”

Glenn grinned. “I’ve always liked that you could read my mind.”

Mari flushed. “I don’t think that’s a prescribed activity.”

“There are a lot of ways to interpret recovery, and one thing I need more than anything else is you.”

“Let’s start with the stairs, and we’ll go from there.”

“Will you stay today?”

Mari reached for Glenn’s hand and leaned over to kiss her. “Honey, I’m staying for as long as you want me.”

Glenn cupped her cheek and kissed her. “I love you. So that’s easy. Forever would about cover it.”

Chapter Thirty

Mari woke with a warm hand pressed to her middle and Glenn’s body curved against her back, Glenn’s face pillowed in her neck. After four mornings waking the same way, she knew she would never tire of it. Glenn possessed her just as she did everything else—with a quiet certainty that left her feeling safe and desired and stronger on her own than she’d ever imagined.

“Mmm.”

“Does that mean you’re awake?” Glenn murmured, her fingers circling slowly, teasing Mari’s skin into wakeful need.

“I believe I might be, but I’m not sure yet.” Smiling, eyes still closed, Mari pressed her hips into Glenn, rewarded by a swift intake of breath. Knowing she could excite her was another of those wonderful revelations she’d quickly become addicted to and hoped to repeat at every opportunity. As soon as Glenn was fully recovered. The waiting was torture, since every time Glenn looked at her she throbbed. Coming back from the ER to Glenn’s welcoming kiss, sleeping beside her with their heated skin sliding in a seductive dance, kept her constantly on the edge of desire. “Maybe you should just keep doing that a little bit longer.”

Glenn chuckled and her hand drifted lower, inviting Mari’s thighs to open.

Mari half turned toward her, kissed Glenn over her shoulder. She caught her breath when Glenn’s fingers slipped between her parted thighs. They were playing a dangerous game, one she loved and was quickly losing. “All right, I’m awake.”

Glenn kissed her again, the tip of her tongue playing over Mari’s lips in time with the glide of her fingers ever lower. She coaxed Mari’s mouth to open, to let her in.

Mari gripped Glenn’s shoulders, turned completely toward her, and pressed her breasts to Glenn’s. “How are your ribs?”

“Perfect.”

Mari laughed, the sound breaking on a sob as Glenn slid effortlessly inside her. She arched, struggling for a little sanity. “Is that a lie?”

“No,” Glenn rasped. “Truth. I’ve been patient, and I’m done waiting. I want you.”

“I’m here. And oh God, I’m yours.”

Glenn buried her face in Mari’s throat and gave herself to the sensation of heat and belonging that pulled her in, body and soul, with each slow, deep stroke. This was home. “I love you.”

“Glenn,” Mari whispered, “you’re going to make me come.”

Mari’s grip on her shoulders tightened, and Glenn focused on the beat of Mari’s heart pounding faster and faster against her own, the soft sounds of wonderment and need breaking from her throat, the lift and pull of her hips. Every hour she’d spent waiting for her body to heal, holding Mari close to her while they slept, part of her had been longing for this, needing this and only this to be completely whole again.

“You’re everything I want,” Glenn said as Mari tightened around her, her body wire taut for an instant, a cry torn from her throat. When Mari relaxed with a long, satisfied sigh, Glenn grinned. “You’re so sexy when you come.”

“Am I?” Mari said drowsily. “That’s handy. Because I very much like it when you make me come.”

“Anytime, say the word.” Glenn kissed her. “How about now?”

Mari laughed, shook the pleasure fog from her mind and framed Glenn’s face, kissing her until Glenn groaned. “If your ribs don’t hurt anymore and your headache’s gone…”

“Gone, perfect, no pain anywhere.” Glenn sounded a little desperate. “Except this one place. Terrible, terrible pain.”

Still laughing, Mari gently eased Glenn onto her back and propped herself on an elbow beside her, trailing her fingertips up and down the center of Glenn’s torso. “Here?”

“That’s nice, but…”

Leaning down, Mari kissed the purple bruise over Glenn’s chest. “You’re sure about this?”

“Yes, yes, positive.” Glenn’s eyes pleaded.

Careful but sure, Mari stroked lower, watching Glenn’s abdomen tighten, her thighs tense. When she slowly circled Glenn’s clit, Glen muffled an oath.

“Sorry. Should I stop?” Mari couldn’t help teasing just a little. She loved knowing Glenn needed her, craved her touch. Loved her.

Glenn growled, gripped her wrist and pressed her hand down harder. “Don’t be cruel.”

“Oh,” Mari whispered, kissing her as she picked up her tempo, “only in the best of ways.”

Glenn’s head rolled back, her neck strained, and a long groan shuddered from her chest.

Content, Mari rested her cheek against Glenn’s shoulder. “I love you.”

“Oh, baby, I love you too.”

“You know we have to get dressed right away.”

“Uh-huh.” Eyes still closed, Glenn stroked Mari’s face. “I’m coming.”

“Not right now,” Mari kissed her. “But later for certain.”

*

Mari gripped Glenn’s hand, her eyes shimmering with tears. Margie sat beside her in an airy floral dress patterned with bluebells the exact color of Blake’s tie. They looked fresh and eager and full of possibility, the kind of possibility Mari welcomed now. Ida and Edward, Carson’s husband Bill and their toddler, and members of the bridal party filled the front row just ahead of them. Mari had heard the words before, thought she’d known their power, but nothing moved her as much as listening to two women she admired and cared for hold each other’s hands in front of family and friends and the entire community and speak the vows of love and devotion and desire.

Harper slid the ring onto Presley’s finger and looked into her eyes. “With this ring, I thee wed.”

Mari didn’t try to stop the tears as Presley lifted Harper’s hand and slipped on the matching circle of gold. “To have and to hold…”

Glenn’s fingers closed around hers.

“I love you,” Mari murmured.

Till death do us part.

About the Author

Radclyffe has written over fifty romance and romantic intrigue novels, dozens of short stories, and, writing as L.L. Raand, has authored a paranormal romance series, The Midnight Hunters.

She is an eight-time Lambda Literary Award finalist in romance, mystery, and erotica—winning in both romance (Distant Shores, Silent Thunder) and erotica (Erotic Interludes 2: Stolen Moments edited with Stacia Seaman and In Deep Waters 2: Cruising the Strip written with Karin Kallmaker). A member of the Saints and Sinners Literary Hall of Fame, she is also an RWA/FF&P Prism Award winner for Secrets in the Stone, an RWA FTHRW Lories and RWA HODRW winner for Firestorm, an RWA Bean Pot winner for Crossroads, and an RWA Laurel Wreath winner for Blood Hunt. In 2014 she was awarded the Dr. James Duggins Outstanding Mid-Career Novelist Award by the Lambda Literary Foundation. She is a featured author in the 2015 documentary film Love Between the Covers from Blueberry Hill Productions.

She is also the president of Bold Strokes Books, one of the world’s largest independent LGBTQ publishing companies.

Find her at facebook.com/Radclyffe.BSB, follow her on Twitter @RadclyffeBSB, and visit her website at Radfic.com.

Books Available From Bold Strokes Books

21 Questions by Mason Dixon. To find love, start by asking the right questions. (978-1-62639-724-8)

A Palette for Love by Charlotte Greene. When newly minted Ph.D. Chloé Devereaux returns to New Orleans, she doesn’t expect her new job and her powerful employer—Amelia Winters—to be so appealing. (978-1-62639-758-3)

By the Dark of Her Eyes by Cameron MacElvee. When Brenna Taylor inherits a decrepit property haunted by tormented ghosts, Alejandra Santana must not only restore Brenna’s house and property but also save her soul. (978-1-62639-834-4)

Cash Braddock by Ashley Bartlett. Cash Braddock just wants to hang with her cat, fall in love, and deal drugs. What’s the problem with that? (978-1-62639-706-4)

Death by Cocktail Straw by Missouri Vaun. She just wanted to meet girls, but an outing at the local lesbian bar goes comically off the rails, landing Nash Wiley and her best pal in the ER. (978-1-62639-702-6)

Lone Ranger by VK Powell. Reporter Emma Ferguson stirs up a thirty-year-old mystery that threatens Park Ranger Carter West’s family and jeopardizes any hope for a relationship between the two women. (978-1-62639-767-5)

Love on Call by Radclyffe. Ex-Army medic Glenn Archer and recent LA transplant Mariana Mateo fight their mutual desire in the face of past losses as they work together in the Rivers Community Hospital ER. (978-1-62639-843-6)

Never Enough by Robyn Nyx. Can two women put aside their pasts to find love before it’s too late? (978-1-62639-629-6)

Two Souls by Kathleen Knowles. Can love blossom in the wake of tragedy? (978-1-62639-641-8)

Camp Rewind by Meghan O’Brien. A summer camp for grown-ups becomes the site of an unlikely romance between a shy, introverted divorcee and one of the Internet’s most infamous cultural critics—who attends undercover. (978-1-62639-793-4)

Cross Purposes by Gina L. Dartt. In pursuit of a lost Acadian treasure, three women must work out not only the clues, but also the complicated tangle of emotion and attraction developing between them. (978-1-62639-713-2)

Imperfect Truth by C.A. Popovich. Can an imperfect truth stand in the way of love? (978-1-62639-787-3)

Life in Death by M. Ullrich. Sometimes the devastating end is your only chance for a new beginning. (978-1-62639-773-6)

Love on Liberty by MJ Williamz. Hearts collide when politics clash. (978-1-62639-639-5)

Serious Potential by Maggie Cummings. Pro golfer Tracy Allen plans to forget her ex during a visit to Bay West, a lesbian condo community in NYC, but when she meets Dr. Jennifer Betsy, she gets more than she bargained for. (978-1-62639-633-3)

Taste by Kris Bryant. Accomplished chef Taryn has walked away from her promising career in the city’s top restaurant to devote her life to her six-year-old daughter and is content until Ki Blake comes along. (978-1-62639-718-7)

The Second Wave by Jean Copeland. Can star-crossed lovers have a second chance after decades apart, or does the love of a lifetime only happen once? (978-1-62639-830-6)

Valley of Fire by Missouri Vaun. Taken captive in a desert outpost after their small aircraft is hijacked, Ava and her captivating passenger discover things about each other and themselves that will change them both forever. (978-1-62639-496-4)

Coils by Barbara Ann Wright. A modern young woman follows her aunt into the Greek Underworld and makes a pact with Medusa to win her freedom by killing a hero of legend. (978-1-62639-598-5)

Courting the Countess by Jenny Frame. When relationship-phobic Lady Henrietta Knight starts to care about housekeeper Annie Brannigan and her daughter, can she overcome her fears and promise Annie the forever that she demands? (978-1-62639-785-9)

Dapper by Jenny Frame. Amelia Honey meets the mysterious Byron De Brek and is faced with her darkest fantasies, but will her strict moral upbringing stop her from exploring what she truly wants? (978-1-62639-898-6)

Delayed Gratification: The Honeymoon by Meghan O’Brien. A dream European honeymoon turns into a winter storm nightmare involving a delayed flight, a ditched rental car, and eventually, a surprisingly happy ending. (978-1-62639-766-8)

For Money or Love by Heather Blackmore. Jessica Spaulding must choose between ignoring the truth to keep everything she has, and doing the right thing only to lose it all—including the woman she loves. (978-1-62639-756-9)

Hooked by Jaime Maddox. With the help of sexy Detective Mac Calabrese, Dr. Jessica Benson is working hard to overcome her past, but they may not be enough to stop a murderer. (978-1-62639-689-0)

Lands End by Jackie D. Public relations superstar Amy Kline is dealing with a media nightmare, and the last thing she expects is for restaurateur Lena Michaels to change everything, but she will. (978-1-62639-739-2)

Bitter Root by Laydin Michaels. Small town chef Adi Bergeron is hiding something, and Griffith McNaulty is going to find out what it is even if it gets her killed. (978-1-62639-656-2)

Capturing Forever by Erin Dutton. When family pulls Jacqueline and Casey back together, will the lessons learned in eight years apart be enough to mend the mistakes of the past? (978-1-62639-631-9)

Deception by VK Powell. DEA Agent Colby Vincent and Attorney Adena Weber are embroiled in a drug investigation involving homeless veterans and an attraction that could destroy them both. (978-1-62639-596-1)