Lying Out Loud

Chapter 20

Bianca hadn’t disappointed when it came to snacks for the night. She bought candy, popcorn, and a gallon of chocolate-swirl ice cream. Not to mention more Cherry Coke than a person could or should even drink in two days, which was all that remained of our Appalachian adventure.

The four of us piled into the living room, the fireplace blazing, to watch the ball drop. Amy stayed quiet, as she usually did when I was in the room now, but I tried to keep my spirits up. Partly because of what Wesley had said — knowing that when Amy was ready, she’d talk to me — but mostly for Bianca’s sake. This trip had been her idea, after all, and I hadn’t been the most pleasant guest.

“You sure you don’t want any ice cream, Amy?” Bianca asked.

“No, thank you,” Amy said.

“Not everyone likes ice cream in the dead of winter,” Wesley said.

Bianca shut him up by shoving a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. He reeled back, cupping his hands over his head. “Oh, I’m sorry,” Bianca teased. “Brain freeze?”

Wesley took a few deep breaths, then looked up. “You’re going to pay for that,” he said just before leaping on top of her. She shrieked as he began to tickle her sides.

It was too disgustingly adorable, and I had to look away. Which was when I caught Amy’s eye.

She was watching me, I realized. I gave her a small smile, but it fell fast when she looked away.

“I think I’m gonna go to bed,” she said, getting to her feet.

Bianca and Wesley sat up, both still laughing.

“It’s only eleven-thirty,” Bianca said. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m a little tired. I’m sorry.”

“Okay, well … we’ll see you in the morning.”

“Good night, Amy,” Wesley said.

“Good night.” She started down the hallway, toward our little room, then stopped and looked back. “Hey, Sonny?”

I turned to her, surprised and a little hopeful. “Yeah?”

“Will you come talk to me for a minute?”

“Sure,” I said. “Of course.”

I stood up, then looked over at Wesley, who was giving me a very I-told-you-so look.

“Night,” I said, and left Bianca and Wesley alone in the living room, waiting for the ball to drop.

I followed Amy into our room and quietly shut the door behind me. Amy sat down on the bed, chewing on her bottom lip. I remained standing, leaning against the wall.

“So, I’ve been thinking … about this whole Ryder thing,” she said.

“Amy, I’m so sorry about the texts,” I said, unable to hold it back. “I know it was wrong. I knew it even when I did it, and you have every right to be pissed at me. But I swear, it won’t happen again.”

“I appreciate that, but —”

“I mean, you have your phone back now,” I said. “And I haven’t IMed Ryder in forever, so the catfishing is over.”

“Good …” She took a deep breath. “But it’s more than just that.”

“I know,” I said. “The texts were kind of dirty and that’s weird for you, and I’m really —”

“Sonny, no,” she said. “I mean, yes. It’s weird. But that’s not what I’m trying to say.”

“Well, then, say it.”

“I’m trying.” She sighed. “I know you really like him. And I know you didn’t mean to upset me. You’d never mean to do that. But … this whole thing has gone on a lot longer than I thought.”

“What whole thing?”

“Your plan,” she said. “To make Ryder like you and not like me. Me acting weird and rude around him. I just … I really don’t feel comfortable doing it.”

“I know,” I said. “I know. But we’re so close.” I moved to sit on the bed beside her. “Really, really close, Amy. It won’t take much longer.”

“You’ve said that from the start,” she said.

She wasn’t wrong about that.

“But, Amy —”

“Wait. Just … let me finish.” She tugged on a curl and stared at the wall for a second, silent. “I know you like him,” she said again. “But I don’t think I can do this anymore. I can’t keep lying. I’m not good at it the way you are. And I don’t like being rude. And I don’t like him thinking I’ve been sending those texts —”

“I told you. I don’t do that anymore.”

“But it’s already been done,” she said. “And he thinks it was me who sent them.”

“So … what are you saying?” I asked.

“I guess I’m saying that I want out,” she said. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“But you said you’d help me.”

“It didn’t feel like I had a choice,” she admitted. “And I didn’t think it would go this far. I’m sorry, Sonny. I just … I can’t.” She wrung her hands in her lap and took another deep breath. “And … and I want you to tell him the truth. That none of it was me.”

“Oh.” I hadn’t seen that last part coming.

“I just … I think he should know,” she said. Every word seemed to cost her something. “And I need him to know. It’ll be better for all of us.”

I nodded, but inside I was a mess of feelings. Anger at Amy, guilt, regret, heartbreak. Because for all the good things Wesley had said on our hike that day, about Ryder maybe surprising me, I knew it didn’t matter now.

If Amy wasn’t going to play along anymore, I didn’t have a choice. I was going to have to come clean, and that meant I had no chance with Ryder. All of our progress had been for nothing.

“I’m sorry,” she said again.

“I understand,” I said.

And I did. As upset as I was that she was bailing, I knew why she wanted out. This scheme had gone on a lot longer than either of us had expected, and I’d known for a while she wasn’t happy about it. I’d just hoped that if I pressed on, things would get better.

They hadn’t.

“So … you’ll tell him?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “I guess I will.”

“Thank you.” She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and rested her head on top of mine. “Thank you for understanding.”

As we changed into our pajamas and climbed into the bed, I tried to look on the bright side. Everything was about to crumble with Ryder, but at least I had Amy back.

That’s what really mattered, right? It was like Wesley said. Amy and I had been together forever. We needed each other. It would be crazy to let a guy — even a great guy like Ryder — come between us.

That didn’t make what she was asking easy, though.

In the other room, Bianca and Wesley cheered as the television counted down. “Three! Two! One!”

“Happy New Year, Sonny,” Amy whispered.

“Happy New Year.”