Man From Tennessee

Chapter Four

Ted Bassett’s office was in a corner of Gatlinburg’s hospital complex. Once Trisha had ushered Julia into a private room she was free at least to walk the white-walled corridors, which she did, with increasing anxiety, for more than two hours. She stopped only once to grab a machine cup of coffee that promptly churned in her stomach.

Thoroughly frightened by the long wait, Trisha gave up her pacing finally to lean back against the green-striped wallpaper in the doctor’s outer office. When Ted did come out, it was not through the door of the examining room as she expected, but from the main corridor that led to the hospital’s admitting wing. Ted took her arm and led her back to his private office.

Tall, lanky and sandy-haired, Kern’s friend had a lazy slow smile and a compassionate sense of humor. “As much as I’d love to send Mrs. Lowery home with you, Trisha, I’ve decided to tie her to a bed for a good forty-eight hours. Penance mostly. She told one of my nurses to take up sewing because it was certainly her only skill with a needle, and the other was scolded for making hypochondriacs out of perfectly healthy people.”

Trisha managed a smile, knowing Julia, knowing this gentle man was trying to put her at her ease. “I’d rather simply hear it, please,” she said quietly.

Just as quietly, Ted told her. Julia’s blood pressure was nearing stroke level. She didn’t even pretend to take the medicine prescribed previously for her. She had a heart murmur he was frankly not happy about. His recommendation was a full forty-eight hours of proper rest and medication under controlled conditions-and by controlled he meant that he would prefer no visitors during that time. “And if you know of anything that’s bothering her…”

“Not exactly,” Trisha said slowly, not wanting to think about the five-year status of her relationship with Julia’s son.

“I’ve only given you my professional opinion, Trisha, and though I’ve got your mother-in-law installed in a hospital room at the moment, she is certainly of age and not at all convinced she’s staying…”

“Oh, she’s staying.” Trisha stood up, mulling over in her mind everything she had heard. She pulled the strap of her purse to her shoulder as she edged toward the door. “I’ll see to Julia, doctor, but I would like to call Kern first if you wouldn’t mind my using your telephone.”

There was no answer at Kern’s. It didn’t really matter. There was no question what had to be done, and Trisha had no hesitations about doing it on her own. Getting Julia to the hospital wasn’t particularly enjoyable and convincing her to stay would be no fun at all.

It was past noon when Trisha opened the hospital doors and stepped out into the bright mountain sunshine. Gatlinburg was a crowded little tourist hamlet, packed with shops and restaurants and motels aimed to please the Smoky Mountain visitors. At that moment it seemed a completely foreign place as she traversed the asphalt to her car. The day was sweltering hot, but it was tension that dampened her palms. Julia was ill, really ill, or potentially so. What was Kern going to say? That it was her fault? Trisha was the one who had allowed Julia to make the trip, thinking she herself could ensure her mother-in-law’s every comfort, more than willing to cater to every whim. But if she hadn’t driven her, would Julia still have made the journey? she wondered.

The car seat was boiling and a throng of traffic lights prevented any speed that might have cooled the inside. Despite the difficult times, Julia had been good to her over the years, and the idea of something really happening to her felt like a leaden weight in her heart. She had promised Julia she would stay until Thursday afternoon, when she was to be released.

Her mood calmed finally as she escaped the city and Julia’s Mercedes began a meandering climb as the road came closer to Kern’s. Ted Bassett was his friend and Kern must trust him as a doctor. It seemed she simply had to trust him as well. She could not regret the decision made.

Sun shot through the fleeting bluish mists on the hillsides, piercing colors and scents into the day. The farthest slopes were a velvet green. It was almost a fairy-tale world of lush green peace, of rich scents and sounds. The countryside reached out to her as she drove, just as it had the night before, enfolding her in such a way that she felt herself relax. There was simply nothing else to do until she could talk to Kern.

When she arrived back at the house Kern wasn’t there. She parked the small car, leaving ample space for his truck when it returned, and went into the kitchen. It was past one, and she had had nothing but two bites of breakfast since six that morning. Absently she slashed off a wedge of cheese found in the refrigerator and snatched a handful of blueberries, leaning against the back door of the porch as she waited for him.

A rumble of thunder echoed in the west. It was nearly three and there was still no sign of Kern. The storm had been coming in for an hour. Trisha could sense the increasing uneasiness in the air. She watched it from the living room for a time, restless and uneasy herself after two hours of waiting. When the first splashes of rain pattered on the west side of the house she hurried to close the windows where the rain would come in, and put on a fresh pot of coffee. Lightning, stark and silver, suddenly silhouetted the entire west horizon. It was like a low, angry growl building in the skies, accenting the stillness in the house.

She could not stay inside any longer. Where was he? She walked outside to the sheltered back porch, worried eyes peeled for the sight of his truck coming up the narrow mountain lane. Absently she stretched her arm beyond the shelter of the porch. The big drops were oddly warm, almost hot on the sultry afternoon.

At last she heard the sound of the truck engine, and she clattered immediately down the steps to meet it. Her mind was too much on Julia to worry about the rain, though even in those few moments the warm drops soaked her jersey dress, which clung to her slender figure as she ran to the truck.

Kern stepped out from the vehicle, shouting above another roar of thunder. “For God’s sake, Tish, you’re soaking wet! What are you doing out here?”

“Where have you been, Kern? I had to put your mother in the hospital. I tried to call you but you didn’t answer, and the doctor seemed to feel-”

“Hey, slow down, bright eyes.” His hair was plastered to his skull like a gleaming black helmet, his eyes devil-bright, skimming over her clearly outlined figure in the damp dress. She could feel a flush on her face as she reached up to push back wet hair that drooped in her eyes. “This rain is heaven-sent,” he said calmly. “Beyond an occasional shower in the morning, it’s been dry as tinder around here for almost three weeks. Forest-fire weather-and if nature wasn’t enough to worry about there’ve been arsonists plaguing the area.”

“Arsonists?” Trisha questioned, momentarily diverted from the speech she had carefully prepared on Julia’s state of affairs. “Where have you been all afternoon?”

“With some of the park service people,” he answered. “There’s been an outbreak of forest fires this spring. Three last Sunday alone. The best guess is that it’s diversion-start a fire here and draw attention away from the location where the thief wants to loot. Or worse yet, some idiots getting their thrills by setting fires… Is there some reason we have to discuss this in the middle of a downpour?” he demanded abruptly, his eyes glinting rueful humor.

“It feels good,” she said impishly.

“Maybe you haven’t turned into such a city girl as you’ve led me to think,” Kern drawled.

“It’s just that it was hot, Kern,” she said flatly, annoyed by the personal comment. And annoyed that she found herself staring at his chest, outlined clearly through the now-damp shirt, dark hair just beginning to curl at the V of his collar. His jeans were beginning to look molded on him, promoting a clear image of hard, muscled thighs and the virility he had never managed to tame, even in a business suit. He was staring at her just as intently. She knew the rain had washed off her makeup and destroyed the neat coil of chignon. With the sophisticated veneer gone, she could not hide that she’d been almost ridiculously happy to see him.

A ribbon of lightning crackled overhead, and suddenly Kern was pushing her abruptly to the house. “Could you make us a quick cup of coffee, Tish, while I put a few things away?”

“I have to tell you about your mother-”

“In a minute. I’ve already gathered she’s safe and sound in Ted’s care. Let’s at least talk dry.”

She had two cups of coffee in her hand when he came back from his office. Both of them were still undeniably dripping but the warm rain had turned cold inside the house, and Trisha was shivering. He shook his head scoldingly at her, prodding her toward the stairs. “Change clothes, pronto,” he ordered.

He followed behind her as she climbed the stairs. “You haven’t had any trouble with arsonists here, have you?” she asked worriedly. She knew that the fire towers were always manned in the park. The expensive equipment was maintained to cope with the outbreaks of fire that were inevitable. But no one could control or account for someone who deliberately set a match anywhere on thousands of acres of land.

“Not here. We’ve got too many people around. But right next to us is the national forest and the wind’s never concerned about the property lines. The handful of individual landowners with property bordering the park have gotten together with the park service in a help-each-other sort of program.”

She stopped by the door to her room as he kept on striding toward the master bedroom. She frowned when she realized he wasn’t going to say any more. And then rather awkwardly she followed him to his door. “How close have the fires been to here?” she asked, and then caught herself up abruptly. It just was not any of her business anymore. Why did she have to remind herself of that? “Never mind about the fires, Kern. I have to tell you about Julia!”

“So tell me.”

But the look of the master bedroom silenced her for a moment. It was the first room they had finished a long time ago, a measure, she thought then, of what was important to Kern in a marriage. Wide and long, the room had a thick dark-pumpkin carpet and dark cedar paneling. One stretch of wall was glass, and another streak of lightning illuminated the hills. An Indian print spread in burnt oranges and browns covered the king-sized bed, and a brick fireplace filled one corner. It was a sensual room with the dark wood and rich colors, a room of textures meant to be explored. Her face unconsciously paled in old memories, and when she glanced at Kern it paled further.

He was paying no attention to her. He had already shrugged off his damp shirt and stood with his back to the windows, his powerful frame silhouetted against the darkened room and the mountains in the distance. His chest had a triangle of dark hair, and broad shoulders gleamed in the afternoon’s half-light. There was another dark red scar down his side to match the one on his forehead, but this was longer, jagged, and where the pattern of chest hair thinned at the base of his ribs there was the motley color of a healing bruise. A few cuts and scrapes he had said of the accident. She had the insane urge to touch, to soothe, and at the same time the storm outside seemed to have begun inside of her. He was a vibrant sexual animal, standing tall, sure, never self-conscious of his own body. She was suddenly aware he was watching her, as his left hand reached for his belt buckle. “I thought you were going to tell me about Mother.”

“I am. I…” She took a breath. “Your mother has blood-pressure problems, which I knew, and a heart murmur, which I didn’t. The doctor wants her to stay in the hospital for at least today and tomorrow, to check her out and give her a few tests. We pick her up Thursday at four.” Her voice faded. She was strangely fascinated with his left hand awkwardly trying to work the belt buckle. She realized she wanted to see him; she wanted to see all of him.

His hand lifted from the buckle. “If you’re not going to talk, you’d better get out of those clothes. You’re shivering like a rabbit, bright eyes.”

She turned quickly, suddenly anxious to be out of that room.

“Wait a minute.”

She halted, feeling his palm on her shoulder.

“Don’t tell me she went meekly into the hospital.”

Trisha half turned, hating the awareness in his eyes. Close up, he smelled as fresh and potent as the rain. Inside herself she could feel the danger of the storm. It was absurd. She had to stop this. “You know your mother, Kern,” Trisha said curtly. “It was fifty strokes of the lash, the threat of boiling oil, and the promise I would never again vote liberal as long as I lived-and all that done on bended knees.”

He chuckled. “You don’t have to tell me that, Tish. I’ve been trying to get her into the hospital for three years. She’s always claiming to have just been to a doctor and come out ‘clean.’ It took both of us this morning, though if you want me to apologize for making you the scapegoat-”

“It worked, Kern. That’s all that matters.”

“Do you want to go see her tonight in the hospital?”

“No visitors, the doctors said. I-what are you doing?” His right palm rested at the nape of her neck, and she could feel an odd warmth flow through her like liquid fire as the fingers of his other hand slowly started to wrestle with the first button of her dress. The heel of his hand rested on the crest of her breast like a caress. “Don’t,” she said quickly, and jerked away from him, hurrying down the hall into her own room.

She half closed the door and hurried out of the damp dress, her fingers fumbling awkwardly. What is the matter with you? she asked herself furiously. She hung the damp dress on a hanger and hooked it on the shower stall to dry. Shivering almost violently, she hurriedly slipped on the ivory pants and blouse from yesterday. It was all she had to wear. The pins were half falling from her hair and she removed the rest, snatching a brush after she’d toweled away most of the moisture.

“Are those really all the clothes you brought with you?”

Trisha turned to see Kern at the door, a navy shirt over tan pants accenting his long legs and broad-shouldered figure. “Yes,” she told him flatly.

“You really weren’t planning on even seeing me if you could help it, were you, Tish?”

There was more than a hint of harshness in his voice. She set down the brush. Her hair was simply brushed back from her forehead, a style that accented the proud line of her bone structure. “No,” she admitted quietly. “And now I’ve promised your mother I’ll stay until Thursday. Even if I hadn’t promised, I couldn’t leave now without knowing how she was. I’m sure it will be awkward for you with Rhea. I’ll just move to a motel, Kern-”

“Rhea? What does she have to do with anything?”

Trisha rearranged the collar on her blouse and aimed for the door. She favored Kern with a cool glance she was frankly proud of. “I wasn’t criticizing,” she said evenly. “Or trying to pry.”

His jaw tightened. As she walked down the stairs, she sensed that Kern was leashing whatever he was feeling, whatever he might have wanted to say. “You’ll stay here. And if that’s all the clothes you’ve got with you, the next thing on the agenda is something for you to wear.”

“I don’t need anything.”

“The two outfits you brought with you won’t last five minutes outside in this country. Or are you planning on being cooped up indoors for two days like you used to?”

She considered how very nice it would have been to be a man on a football team pitted against Kern in his college days. One of those fellows who butted a hard-helmeted head directly into the opposition’s stomach.

“All right,” she said testily. “I’ll go out and get a pair of jeans.”

“How…sensible. I’ll go with you.”

Her eyes flashed exasperation with him. “Thanks, but no thanks. I pick out my own clothes these days, Kern, imagine that!”

“It’s raining like hell. I can’t get any work done in this weather, so we’ll go out to dinner afterward.” Irritatingly calm gray eyes surveyed her increasingly troubled ones. “All upset, bright eyes,” he chided scoldingly. “When you know damn well you didn’t bring any more money than you needed for the trip home. So the clothes will be on me, Tish, and you’re even driving: I had enough of one-handed driving this afternoon. Surely that’s enough to rate a smile?”

They raced to the Mercedes in the pelting rain. Breathless, they both slammed their doors against the storm at the same time and Trisha reached for her key. Flipping back her hair from her cheeks, she turned on the wipers and lights, and backed out of the driveway. There was a tension locked inside the car’s small interior that made the Mercedes feel like a cage. It was a tension that had been building from the moment she’d arrived. Trisha had had enough of it.

“Kern?”

He arched a questioning eyebrow in her direction. Both of her hands stayed firmly on the wheel, her eyes boring straight ahead. “Just stop it, would you?”

“Stop what?”

“All of it…your telling people I’m your wife…your kissing me…the way you look at me. You couldn’t conceivably have been glad to see me, Kern, and I didn’t expect you to be.” She hesitated, biting her lip as she reached to turn on the defroster. “So you’re stuck with me and maybe we both have to make the best of it for a short time. But I’ve felt like…you’ve been playing some game with me.”

He didn’t answer, simply stared at her as she continued to drive. By the time they stopped at a shopping center in Gatlinburg, Trisha was a blend of chin-up pride and anxiety. She had spoken what she felt. That was no crime. Yet no one accused Kern of playing games. He radiated integrity from the core. Which was all the more confusing…

Inside the store, Kern was without question the strangest patron there, a tall, bearded giant threading through size fives with the same interest he took in doing anything new-at least once. It took Trisha less than five minutes to find what she wanted and cart it to the dressing room. The tan designer jeans fit perfectly, a match for the dark blond of her hair. A silky pale blue blouse with tan at the gathered-yolk bodice matched it. Slipping her cream pantsuit back on, she was soon out of the dressing room carrying her potential purchases over one arm.

And Kern was standing right there, with potential purchases over his arm and a salesgirl hovering with hopeful enthusiasm just behind him. “Now don’t get snippy,” he said the moment he saw the expression on her face. “One pair of jeans may very well do for the morning, but afternoons are hot; you may need something to swim in, and since it’s my money I don’t see why you should care anyway.”

But it was precisely because it was his money that she did care. Why he even wanted to buy her the mound of clothes didn’t really register. The feeling of owing him for one outfit already grated, and the pile of fabric was almost enough to induce a ridiculous sense of panic that she couldn’t quite explain. Worse than that was the inalterable feeling that he wanted her to bicker, wanted her to show that she was afraid of…what? Staying? Her lips pressed in a tight smile, Trisha handed the slacks and blouse she had chosen to the waiting salesgirl and turned smoothly to his pile.

“It’s very nice of you, Kern, I’m sure.” Her tone said that she thought differently, as she took the bright orange outfit from his arm and laid it on the counter. “That’s really a color for a brunette. This one, the manufacturer specializes in short waists and I’m long-waisted, I’m afraid. I like this one, I really do, but I’ve never been able to wear that style blouse…” The pile on the counter kept mounting. Her polite, cheerful tone never altered until she came to the last of the clothes and then she faltered, a blush stealing onto her cheeks as she picked up the lemon open-weave bikini with two fingers and tossed it on top of the pile.

“You always look good in yellow.” His eyes dared her to name her excuse. With a glance intended to wither steel, she stalked out of the store.

He met her outside all too soon with her bag in his hand. His full-throated chuckle vibrated between them as he grabbed her arm and they raced again through the rain to the car. “You’re still a prude, Tish,” he teased as she slammed the door on her side.

She pulled out in traffic in the direction of the restaurant he’d named, her chin stiffly in the air. “That isn’t fair. The only reason I don’t wear that kind of thing is because I don’t have the figure for it.”

“And that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Sexy’s the way the whole shape’s put together, not just a pair of pendulous breasts-”

“I don’t believe this conversation!”

“I don’t believe you just went through a red light.”

Her eyes flickered anxiously to the rearview mirror, and he burst into laughter when she shot back daggers at him. It was the first red light she had ever run in her life.

“I wouldn’t have wanted you to wear it in public anyway,” he consoled.

“If I had wanted to wear something like that, I would have worn it whether or not you or anyone else approved,” she said snappishly.

“I see. You’re going to argue no matter what I say.” He sighed. “And I suppose the next thing you’re probably thinking to do is to go back to the shop to get it. Just to prove I’m wrong.”

He had an unforgivable understanding of her exact frame of mind. Belatedly she realized that Kern had not worried about the entire pile of clothes. It was that little lemon confection at the bottom that he had staged to unsettle her. Or was it to find out if she really was the same prudish, self-conscious little nitwit she used to be? Somehow, it mattered that he believed she had changed, really changed. It was a question of pride.

“You misunderstand, Kern,” she said more calmly. “I have no real objections to the suit-only to wearing something like it in a public place, like the swimming hole by the camp where there are so many strangers. Of course if you consider that prudish, I have to admit…” She shrugged carelessly, and followed his motioning hand to the parking-lot entrance near the restaurant.

“But one-on-one is just fine, is that it, Tish?”

His voice told of his displeasure, and for no reason as far as she could surmise. She sighed, giving up. She did not understand the man or his attitude. But she was exceedingly hungry.

The restaurant was new to her. Huge from the outside, from within it was divided into at least half a dozen smaller dining rooms. Neither of them was dressed formally, but Kern chose to lead them to a small, hushed room in the back. Blood-red linen tablecloths and flickering candles graced each table. The menus were impressively two-feet long, and Trisha promptly hid behind hers.

For a few minutes they were both quiet, and in spite of herself Trisha found that she was relaxing. Perhaps it was the pent-up sigh from the other side of the table that signaled a truce, and finally Kern spoke from behind his menu. “Are we going polite or are we going for fingers, Tish?”

She could not help a smile as she peered around the menu. “Fingers.”

“Fine.” He closed the menu, took hers from her, and set them aside. “You’re having frog legs and I’m having lobster. There’s really no need to look at the rest of the list.” He paused, a small flame in his eyes from the reflection of the candle. “I’m already picturing you in one of those big bibs…”

“And I’m picturing you with your beard, managing lobster dripping with butter,” she quipped back.

They both ate without a lot of talk, devouring their favorite delicacies as if starved. A small decanter of white wine was placed between them and was nearly empty by the time they finished. There was the sound of laughter and muted conversation from the other rooms, but the small dining area they claimed was virtually empty except for the two of them. When the bibs and bones and shells and debris from their meal were removed, the dark-coated waiter served coffee, and they both leaned back in their chairs, replete to the point of a lazy kind of tiredness.

“Ready?” Kern asked finally, and she nodded. His arm brushed the small of her back as they walked from the restaurant, and when they reached the car Kern slipped into the driver’s seat. Taking control, she thought fleetingly, the way Kern found it hard not to take control of a setting. At the moment it just didn’t matter. She was too full, feeling perfectly lazy, to let anything matter. She slipped down in the passenger seat, resting her head against the back, half closing her eyes as he started the engine. The torrential rain had finally stopped and night had descended on the valley. They were through the flashing neon lights of the town in minutes and back on the mountain road that invoked an intense, peaceful quiet.

“I haven’t seen you wear the sling since yesterday,” she commented idly.

Kern smiled ruefully. “Ted told me the wrist would have healed a week ago if I’d just done what he told me. The sling was a penance that afternoon for overdoing it. Bothered by my driving, Tish?”

“Of course not,” she said sleepily. “You drove the truck earlier, Kern. Besides, you wouldn’t take the wheel if you couldn’t handle it.”

He glanced at her. “Blind trust used to be your specialty,” he chided.

She looked back at him, and then away, silent the rest of the half-hour drive. Blind trust had been the instinct from the moment she met him, she couldn’t deny it. Though, thank God, she wasn’t naive any longer. But that trust, she realized, was still there. She did trust Kern and his integrity. She couldn’t really say the same for anyone else she’d ever known in her life.

On the way up the long drive to his place, Kern turned the car midway, taking a narrow gravel road she was unfamiliar with. “Where?” she asked.

“To walk off a bit of dinner, if you don’t mind.”

“I…no.” She stepped out of the car stiffly, aware of Kern and the fact that they were alone. Somehow in all the worry over Julia she had failed to remind herself that staying at his place meant staying alone with him for the two nights.

“This way.”

He helped her over a rocky patch, and then his hand fell away, leaving her to set her own pace ahead of him. Trees rustled on her left, but the path followed a stream on the right, a gurgling rush of silver in the moonlight, a sprinkling of stars overhead reflected in the water. Wildflowers crouched low all around the banks, a sweet, potent, night-rich scent after the rain.

They walked without talking. The darkness made for a meandering pace, but it was not pitch black. The rain had cooled the sultry heat of the day, just a faint warm breeze rippling the stream. When she tired of walking, she wandered to a low flat rock that jutted over the water and perched on it with her legs crossed, bending to look in the stream.

Kern stopped just behind her, leaning back against the rough-barked surface of a hickory tree in the shadow. She glanced back once, all too aware of him, but he seemed no more inclined to talk than she did. Every limb gradually relaxed as she simply stared out over the water, absorbing the scene. The restfulness was so different from the city life she’d adjusted to-the life she had convinced herself was all and exactly what she wanted. But the convincing had taken a long time.

Finally she stood back up and dusted off her pants. She looked again to Kern. He hadn’t moved. His eyes had a gleam in the dusty shadows beneath the tree. She felt uneasy.

“You accused me of playing with you before.”

She nodded, pushing her hair back where the breeze was trying to curl it to her cheeks.

“I knew we’d see each other again sometime, Tish. For the first year after you left, I probably would have slammed the door in your face if you had come back.” He stepped out from the shadows toward her, and she dug her hands in her pockets. “It took a long time to accept failure. I blamed you first and then me…and then no one. There was certainly no way to take back those six months, was there?”

She shook her head, and he added quietly, “You were very young, Tish. I knew sooner or later I would want to know what you would be like when you grew up.”

She took a breath, still staring at him. “I kept expecting you to ask for a divorce.”

“I want children. If I’d found someone along the way I’d wanted to have children with, I would have gotten a divorce. Until then, it didn’t really matter.”

He might as well have said that she didn’t matter, beyond sheer curiosity as to what had happened to her. She felt an unexpected curl of pain in her stomach.

“And you have grown up, Tish.”

His tone was soft, and she shook her head when he started toward her. She knew why he was coming, what he wanted, but the mesmerizing hold in his eyes was difficult to look away from. Her hands trembled just from the brush of those eyes on her soft skin.

“I’m not asking or even suggesting fresh starts, Tish. I don’t even know who you are anymore, but I know damn well there’s something that you’re not leaving here again without… You can feel it…I can feel it every time I come near you.”

“No. There’s nothing, Kern, there’s…” She put her hands in front of her as if that would be enough to push him away. A shudder whispered through her from fingers to toes as his lips molded hers, gently, insistently persuasive. His fingers caressed her face and throat, like they had done the first time when she had fallen in love with him. His tongue flicked across her teeth and her lips parted for him, her eyes closed half in dread, half in anticipation. The leashed lovemaking was Kern’s sweetness, but unleashed there were old nightmares…

“Put your arms around my neck, Tish,” he whispered. “You did it last night.”

“No. Please, Kern. This is all wrong…”

“Just for a moment,” he coaxed. He drew her slim hands up himself, placing them around his neck, and his lips softly brushed her eyes closed again, brushed a sweet seductive warmth down the side of her face and neck. Her fingers crumpled in the rough thick texture of his hair. The need to hold on was there. She felt his strength beneath her fingertips, his flesh so warm, so responsive to her lightest touch. The earthy male scent of him enfolded her like a sweet drug she could not escape from, suddenly uncertain if she even wanted to. The panic that should have been mounting didn’t. She felt her breasts stiffen against his heartbeat, felt her thighs yield to the pressure of his own. So fierce was the growing awareness that she suddenly felt desperate for air but he would give her none. Her throat arched back as his mouth pressed on hers, a pressure that ached bruisingly against her lips, a pressure that echoed in the tightening spasms at the pit of her stomach.

She knew better. Kern had not spoken of a renewal of their marriage and there was no way she would ever surrender again to that old feeling of being on trial, risk that sense of inadequacy as a woman that had almost destroyed her. But for a sweet shivering moment that seemed exactly the point. It was over with Kern, so there was really nothing left to lose.

She molded her body to Kern’s, pressing her soft thighs to his sinewy hardness, as her tongue parried with his. Her hands kneaded the nape of his neck, his shoulders, the long, endlessly long stretch of his back to his waist. Kern matched fire with fire, his lips leaving hers only for breath before his teeth grazed her neck as if he were hungry for her taste. His bandaged wrist chafed the tender skin of her ribs under her blouse, summoning other fires. A work-roughened palm was impatient with the slip of bra, until it found the silky pale orb of flesh beneath, until the nipple tightened and swelled and strained beneath it.

Something burst inside Trisha, a Pandora’s box of desire and need suddenly freed. She could not touch him enough. Her hands roamed feverishly beneath his shirt, up and down his sides and back, instinctively careful of the scar.

“Lord, I want you, Tish. I’ve always wanted you,” he murmured huskily.

She felt like crying. The wildness inside her would not stop building. She wanted to possess him and to be taken as she had never wanted to be taken before, not caring for past, present, future, not caring about the night or the rocky terrain or the dampness.

It was all so easy. Kern was urging her down, his hands and eyes compelling her to lie beneath him. But his eyes left hers for just that moment, closing when he tried to bend where his ribs would not yet allow him to bend, his right wrist taking weight it was not yet ready to take. In the moonlight she saw his face contort in sudden unwilling pain, and she froze.

The next thing she knew she was running. Stumbling on the rock-rough ground, tears blinding her, she made her hands try to put together blouse and bra and hair. Her chest was heaving in the chill night air. Shame, pride, memories…the internal ache was as sharp as a knife edge in her side when she finally reached the car and stopped, leaning weakly on the hood. She felt like fragments inside. From wanton to cold made no sense. Not to respond when he had loved her, to go on fire when there was only chemistry and no future. To completely forget that the man was hurt and in no shape for violent lovemaking, to forget every ounce of self-respect that had put her back together in those long years…

“Get in,” Kern ordered.

His shirt was flapping open. His eyes like icy coals as he opened the car door, he snatched at her arm and all but shoved her across to the passenger seat. The door slammed like a reverberating echo in her ear and Trisha huddled in the seat, eyes suddenly dry. His tall figure crossing in front of the car reflected a cold hard fury that frightened her. When he got inside he just looked at her tousled features long and hard and then started the engine.

They were at his place in minutes. The single light left on in the kitchen made a lonely circle of welcome on the grass outside. Trisha reached quickly for the door handle, but Kern’s arm shot across, pinning her.

“Tell me you intended to leave, just when-” he said harshly.

She shook her head mutely, and his grip imperceptively lightened.

“I told you I wondered what would happen when you grew up, Tish. Now I wonder how many men were part of that transition. You never took fire like that before. How many?” He grated. “How many men have you slept with in the past five years?”

She was frightened still, his eyes intense, smoldering anger inches from hers. She knew he wouldn’t believe the truth. It struck her as almost hysterically funny to think of telling him after what just happened that she had almost led a nun’s life, that she had accepted finally that she was simply emotionless in bed. She didn’t understand yet why she had responded to him after all these years. And, if it weren’t for the mortifying confusion and embarrassment she felt inside, the bitter scald of tears held barely in check, she would not believe she had indeed responded.

“Never mind.” His jaw was taut, but the longer he looked at her fragile feminine features contorted by anguish, the more the flame of rage in his eyes lessened. “We’re not done, Tish. It’s going to happen, and you damn well know it as well as I do. With us there’s only one ending or beginning, because of the way it was.”

She breathed out no.

He wasn’t listening. “You run this time and I’ll find you. Don’t even try it.”

She opened the car door and escaped. The kitchen door was unlocked and she ran through, past the living room and hall, up the stairs. In seconds she was leaning against the closed door of her bedroom, fighting to stop the flow of hot tears.

Sex was all he had been talking about, not love. He felt no love after all this time? Why should he was the silent cry inside.

She moved forward, removing her clothes in the darkness. The urge was to pack and flee. The urge was to forget Julia. But unfortunately she simply could not forget. Her pulse finally calmed. She was not running again. It was time for action, time to get them both out of their limbo of a marriage. Five years past time.

But she could never face going to bed with Kern again. Even after tonight, she didn’t trust herself. She would freeze and fail him. The last time, she had put herself back together. She knew she wouldn’t be able to do it again. Not again…