Master of the Abyss

Chapter Nine

In camp, as Kallie started setting up for supper, she felt wonderful. As long as she didn’t let herself contemplate anything other than sex, she was happy. And sex with Jake meant never having a chance to think.

By the time Jake had let her get dressed, she didn’t have a tense muscle left in her body. She’d hoped no one would notice the beard burns on her cheeks and neck, but from the amused glint in Mark’s eyes, her hope had been futile.

Her lips were probably swollen too, from both kisses and her punishment for making noise. She’d probably deserved it, especially when he removed the clamps and blood had rushed back into her swollen nipples. The sound she let out hadn’t been a scream…quite.

He’d set her on her knees, put his hand around his shaft, ran his finger around her mouth, and waited. She smiled at the memory of taking his heavy cock in her mouth. She’d traced the bulging veins with her tongue and licked the underside of the head. His shaft had grown even thicker, and she could see him exert his control to keep from grabbing her hair and hammering into her. But he hadn’t, and she’d slowly driven him crazy until he’d pulled out and flattened her on her back beneath him. He’d seated himself with one hard thrust that made her gasp, and then ridden her until she had even more rock scrapes on her butt.

Damned if she didn’t want to do it all over again. The man had turned her into a nympho. With a frustrated sigh, she lit the fire.

“I’ll help you, Kallie.” Shifting his weight from one foot to another, Ryan looked at her in adoration. She’d made one conquest, at least.

“I’d love some assistance.”

He grinned and squatted beside her. “Cool. I’ve never cooked over a campfire. What do we do?”

“The trick is to let the fire burn down to coals before you put anything on to cook. While we wait, we’ll prepare the food.”

On the other side of the campfire, Jake yawned and stretched. As the muscles in his shoulders flexed, she rubbed her fingers together in a tactile memory of warm skin stretched over granite-hard muscles.

He caught her staring, and she flushed.

“Tamara, Cody, you want to come on a hike with me?” he asked. “I know some great climbing rocks nearby.”

Both of the youngsters bounded to their feet. After he pointed the way and the children darted off, he said to Mark, “Appears that I’ve got two kids and Kallie’s got one. You two are free for a while if you want some privacy to…wash up or anything. I can recommend the downstream area.” Jake pointed in the direction of where they’d indulged earlier.

Mark’s eyes lit. As if he thought Jake might renege, he grabbed his wife and hustled her out of camp. Grinning, Kallie nodded at Jake. “Good work, Hunt.”

“Seemed like a shame not to share the fun,” he commented. He strolled after his two charges.

When the parents returned, an hour or so later, Kallie left Ryan watching the fire, and went to fetch the others. As she approached the clearing, she heard Tamara’s giggles and Jake’s deep laughter. Just the sound of his voice sent a jolt through her, and she sighed. What a wimp.

As she stepped out of the trees, she stopped to enjoy the sight of him with the children. Cody perched on the top of one massive boulder, binoculars to his eyes. At a different boulder, Jake patiently taught Tamara the basics of rock scrambling.

The rock stood taller than his head, and Tamara went up it like a little monkey. At the top, she did an adorable victory dance. When Jake laughed and held up his arms, she launched herself fearlessly, with no doubt he’d be there for her. He caught the girl, tossed her up, and gave her a hug before setting her down.

And as Kallie watched him, she realized she’d thrown herself off too-right into a disgustingly squishy sentimental emotion. She loved the bastard, damn it all. This was so, so stupid. What had happened to only having sex?

As the setting sun sent shadows dancing across the small meadow, she leaned back against a tree trunk. It better hold her up since her legs couldn’t do the job. In love? No no no. She thumped her head on the tree, trying to knock sense into her brain. Like that would happen, because what made more sense, in a primitive way, than to fall for a strong man who would protect your future children?

Logical, but not gonna work. Remember the ‘one night only’ rule? She needed to enjoy today, one moment at a time. Don’t look any further ahead, because, girl, you know it won’t last.

Cody spotted her, and when they all looked over, Kallie sighed. With an effort, she arranged her face into a pleasant expression. Maybe she’d turned dim-witted enough to fall for Jake, but she sure knew better than to let him realize it. Sex only, sex only, sex only.

Jake smiled at her as she walked up. “Come to do some climbing?” Then his eyes narrowed, and he studied her for a long moment. “What’s wrong, sprite?”

Good job, oh Miss Inscrutable Face. “I’m starving. It’s time to eat, guys.”

After one of the sprite’s fine meals and the cleanup, Jake enjoyed himself entertaining the tired children with campfire tales. Beside him, Kallie whittled on a piece of pine from her pack. Jake glanced at it and frowned. It looked like a man with legs braced and arms crossed over his chest. Although she hadn’t yet finished the face, the stance reminded him of Logan. Or…himself. She met his suspicious gaze, laughter in her eyes, and he had to grin. The imp simply bubbled over with mischief.

As she returned to carving, he leaned closer and murmured, “Will that sit beside your bed to keep you in line when I’m not present?”

“Keep me in line?” She snorted. “That’d be the day.”

“Really?” He waited a second, then said, “Look at me,” pushing some power into the low command.

Her head jerked up, and her eyes widened.

He ran a finger down her soft cheek and said very softly, “That day is today, little sub.”

The flush that darkened her cheeks rewarded him, and the dirty look she gave him just added to the pleasure.

He turned back to the children and raised his voice, “So which of you has heard the story of…”

When he ran dry an hour later, he sipped some hot chocolate and then announced that he’d forgotten his tent.

The children laughed at the dumb grown-up, Mark snorted, and Laura snickered. He didn’t care, not if he ended up where he wanted. “Kallie, may I sleep in a corner of your tent?”

She looked up from her whittling. “Should I assume you forgot a sleeping bag too?”

“’Fraid so.”

She rolled her eyes, to the children’s delight. “I don’t know, Mr. Hunt. That’s pretty bad, not remembering to bring the proper equipment. I should make you walk back in the dark so you don’t forget again.”

“But the bears might get me.”

That earned him a husky giggle from Kallie, but Tamara’s eyes rounded in panic. “Kallie, don’t make him. Pleeease…”

“You do have a way with the women,” his little sub said in a very disrespectful tone. “Well, Tamara, since you asked for him, I guess he can bed down in my tent. Just for tonight, though.”

Tamara beamed and crawled into Kallie’s lap. Not a shy bone in that child’s body, and Jake was a tad envious as the girl snuggled close. Then again, tonight he’d sleep in Kallie’s tent, and her sweet round ass would be in his lap. Or under him. All night.

And so it proved.

A few hours after everyone had retired, Jake lay on his back on Kallie’s sleeping bag with her beside him. As he tried to regain his strength, he thought about the night’s activities. He decided that having her under him felt great. Then again, placing her on top hadn’t been too bad either-the sprite definitely had riding skills. Good thing she’d set her tent up at a distance from the others since he’d kept her in the saddle until she’d gone limp with coming.

Now she nestled against his side, her breath creating a warm spot on his chest. His shoulders stung where she’d dug her nails in the last time. Of course, his grip on her hips had probably given her a few bruises. He hadn’t had so much fun or come so powerfully in…he didn’t know when. Ever, maybe.

Eventually she stirred, lifting up on one elbow to stare down at him. The full moon glowed softly on the high dome of the tent, lighting her face with silver. Her eyes were dark liquid pools, incredibly beautiful despite the frown she gave him. “You know, I can’t believe the things I let you do.”

“Oh? What things? Like the clamps?” He rubbed his knuckles over her nipples, still swollen from the clamps and his attentions earlier.

She inhaled sharply, and he pinned her in place as he gently teased the undoubtedly sensitive peaks. Then stopped as he felt himself harden. Too soon to take her again. She needed a break.

“You know exactly what I mean.” Her lower lip actually pushed out into the most adorable pout he’d ever seen.

He laughed once, then again at the glare she gave him. “I do know, sugar. You let me do them because you want me to.”

“Not hardly. I never, ever thought about putting stuff like that on myself.”

“No, not clamps specifically.” He tugged on a lock of her hair. “What I do-we do-isn’t as important as the fact that you want to give up control. I’m honored that you trust me enough to give it to me.”

Want to give up control. She’d avoided thinking about the BDSM stuff, aside from how hot it made her. Maybe because, though he teased her sometimes, he didn’t try to overwhelm her when they weren’t “playing.” But it formed a definite part of their relationship. And since just thinking about his control excited the hell out of her, maybe he was right. Maybe. “It never worked out with the others.”

“Ah, sugar. You have a submissive nature, but that doesn’t mean you want to submit to just anyone or all the time. That would be like saying that someone with a passionate nature wants to have sex all day long with any man she meets. No. In your case, little sub, you probably enjoy ordinary sex, but the act of giving up control to a dominant you trust will add”-his lips quirked-“a lot to the experience.”

Definitely a lot.

“Your previous times probably failed because of those two factors: either your boyfriend didn’t have a dominating personality, or you didn’t trust him enough to surrender control.”

Made sense, and maybe that was why she’d always felt something was missing during sex. “So when did you figure out…what you are?”

“Curious little sprite.” He huffed a laugh. “Years ago in college. Logan had a very kinky girlfriend who was not only submissive but wanted two men at once.” He chuckled. “We discovered we both enjoyed domination, but neither of us is generous enough to enjoy sharing.”

Years ago. All that experience. She hadn’t had a chance, had she?

“After we’d been in the lifestyle a while, we realized our parent’s relationship has a dominant-submissive dynamic, so we probably absorbed it in childhood. Not that we’ll discuss it with them. Ever.”

She laughed.

“Get some sleep, sprite. I intend to waken you before dawn.”

Jake kept his promise and woke up his little sub before the sun rose. Neither of them had much energy, so he showed her there was a time and place for vanilla sex. He used the last condom in his jeans. Then he pulled her ass back against his groin and slid into her from behind to enjoy the soft climb into arousal and release.

Afterward he held her in his arms and settled her head into the hollow of his shoulder. She fit well against him, he thought again. And he doubted he could ever get tired of having her in his bed, taking the control she handed over so sweetly, and driving them both to heaven.

One hand behind his head, he glanced down at her. He’d definitely worn her out, though. After brushing her silky hair from her face, he stroked her soft cheek, still warm and moist despite the cooling mountain air.

She stirred and burrowed a little closer.

“Go to sleep, sugar.”

“’Kay,” she murmured, obviously halfway there already. “Love you, Jake.”

The words punched him right in the gut, an impossible blow. What have I done? His fingers had lingered on her cheek, and now he slowly pulled his hand back. No. This can’t happen.

As if she’d heard him speak, she stiffened, waking completely. She rose on one elbow, trying to see his face in the darkness. Her voice came out strained. “Guess that wasn’t what you wanted to hear.”

He cleared his throat. “No. That’s unexpected.” Everything in him wished to reassure her and ease the strain he heard in her voice. At the same time, he wanted-needed-to grab his pack and head down the mountain. To get away, no matter that the sun hadn’t risen. “Listen, Kallie-”

She snorted. “Relax. I was half-asleep; that’s all. No need to panic.”

Relief warmed his veins, and he forced a laugh. “So you were thinking of some other gorgeous guy you sleep with?”

Silence.

His heart fell. He should have taken the out when she’d given him one. She’d meant it; the sprite was one of the most honest people he’d ever met. “Sprite, I’m sor-”

“I’m not going to make any demands on you, Hunt,” she interrupted, her voice as cold as the air over a glacier. “My feelings are my own; they don’t need to be reciprocated like a Christmas present exchange or something.”

He closed his eyes, not getting anywhere with trying to see her face. But her body told him enough: from soft and sleepy to a tense, vibrating bundle of unhappiness. Dammit. He should never have let her get so involved, should never have broken his own rules. And like the insensitive bastard that he was, he’d hiked up here to see her and almost forced her into a relationship.

Now he needed to give her an explanation. “Like you said, Kallie. How I feel has nothing to do with how lovable you are.”

“Yeah. I know. You don’t want anything long-term. You told me. Hell, dude, everyone in town knows about your ‘one night only’ lecture.”

Small towns. Right. He wanted to say, This is how I am. But that wouldn’t be fair. After Mimi’s death, he’d never dated anyone seriously and never played with a submissive outside of a club or party, which meant he’d never needed to explain himself.

Kallie had changed everything. “I’d like to explain…” His mind blanked.

Shifting, she rested her forearms on his chest, setting her chin on her arms. He couldn’t even see her eyes, and for a moment, his mind substituted the memory of Mimi’s lifeless brown eyes, and then those of the missing hiker. He swallowed against a wave of nausea.

“Jake.” Her voice-husky and not Mimi’s-dragged him back. “If you want to tell me something, just spit it out.” Tough little sub.

“You know I lived with a woman a couple of years ago. Mimi. She was submissive.”

“The one who looked like me. I remember.”

“She started dating me after breaking up with someone else. When she learned about the lifestyle, it fitted her like a glove. She wanted to be a slave. To have a master.”

“So not my thing,” Kallie said under her breath.

“No. You’re more of a sexual submissive. You want to be dominated now and then. She wanted-needed-it all the time.”

“You were her master?”

“Yes.” He huffed a hard laugh. “I enjoyed it at first, having her anticipate my every need, letting me decide everything. But I’m not cut out to be a full-time master.”

She made a noise. Continue.

“It’s tiring, Kallie. I’m a sexual dominant, and I don’t want to decide how a sub lives every minute of her day. I don’t want to make important decisions for someone else. Advise and recommend, yes. Order her to attend college? Hell no.”

“Huh. I never thought of it like that.”

“When I dom, it’s a balancing act, judging a sub’s wants and needs against my desires. You need a good handle on both because-as you’ve seen-I have the right to shut you up completely. But to do that all the time is exhausting. I have friends, both slave and master, who love it. It fulfills them. It didn’t me.”

“But it did Mimi,” Kallie said softly. The understanding in her voice shook him. Why didn’t she yell? Cry?

“Yes.” His stomach cramped. “When I uncollared her, she was…” In despair. “She needed to be a slave. I talked with her. We planned-I thought we planned-to go to San Francisco, where I could introduce her to some available masters. Simon offered to guest her and help her too. She was beautiful-like you-and had a deep need to serve. It wouldn’t have taken long to find someone, but…” Darkness swathed the roof of the domed tent. The blackness before dawn. Why had Mimi just given up?

“But. What happened?”

The rest of the story. The part that filled him with the same despair Mimi must have felt. How could I not have known what she was feeling? He didn’t think he’d ever climb out of the abyss of guilt; he didn’t deserve to. “She… Apparently she didn’t believe me. I don’t know. She didn’t leave a note. We never found out why…why she threw herself off a cliff.” He hadn’t gone back to that mountain since. It must echo with her voice. Her soul. Damn me to hell. I did that to her.

“Oh fuck.”

The husky curse splintered his thoughts. “What?”

“I’m sorry, Jake. That must have been horrible-for you both.”

“A little more for her, don’t you think?”

“Well, no. She took the easy way out; you had to go on living.”

It felt as if Kallie had slapped him. “It was my fault.”

She snorted. “Did you take responsibility for all her successes too or only the failures?”

“I-” Something in that sounded important, but it didn’t matter. Not to what they were talking about. “It was my fault, Kallie, and I won’t get involved with anyone else. So…” Don’t love me, sprite.

“So back off. Clear enough.” She sat up, leaving his chest cold. “You know, Hunt, I’m not sure I get it. Either you figure every woman is as cowardly as your girlfriend, or you’re too much of a pussy to risk anything, because-I hate to tell you, dude-nobody gets out of this life alive. There’s no guarantee when somebody kicks off. Are you planning to spend your whole life alone, or are there a certain number of years you have to go before you’ve served your sentence?”

She grabbed her bundle of clothing and walked out into the blackness before dawn.

As she pulled on her clothes across the clearing, she heard the scuffle of boots in the dirt and saw the darkness of Jake’s form against the lighter tent. He didn’t call for her, didn’t look for her. He simply left. As the sound of his footsteps faded, she blinked hard, forcing back hot tears. Damned if she’d act as if he meant something to her. Even if he did. Had.

Unable to stay in camp, she walked through the gray light to a high lookout point. As she dropped down to sit on the granite rock, the sun glowed behind the eastern mountains, turning the peaks pink with an outline of gold as if a child had run a yellow marker across the top.

Sunrise. Her favorite time, filled with anticipation of the coming day. Light winning out over darkness. New beginnings.

Dawn wasn’t supposed to be for endings.

In the valley below, thick fog submerged the tall trees in an ugly gray. The way she felt right now, she might as well be down there, smothered in darkness. Hands clenched, she shoved the hurt deep inside her and smothered it in her own way, pulling imaginary tendrils of fog over it until the pain dulled. She knew how to handle loss. Damn right I do.

Wrapping her arms around her legs, she set her chin on her knees and watched the sky brighten and the day begin.