Meant for Me

Chapter Sixteen

Ivy

My baby. My sweet, precious baby…

My fingers find the corner of the hospital bed sheet as I stare at a pumpkin decoration hanging on the wall. Oh yeah, today’s Halloween. I almost forgot. With everything going on, I lost track of time. I remember thinking about what I was going to dress the baby up as next year. I’ve always loved those fuzzy lamb costumes. But now there might not even be a baby. I scrunch up my face to keep from crying. I don’t know how there can be. I lost so much blood.

After being rushed to the city hospital twenty miles away, the doctor stemmed the bleeding and conducted a barrage of tests. Eric is sitting motionless beside me as we wait to hear the results. It doesn’t look good. One of the nurses even gasped when she was cleaning me up.

Eric isn’t saying much either. Besides repeatedly asking if I’m okay, he remains pretty stoic. This has to be hell for him to have to go through this again. I’m young. I’m strong. I’m healthy. I can’t understand why this is happening. I hate not having control over my own body. I didn’t mean to get so upset this morning, but I couldn’t let Eric find out about Cassidy. It was up to me to protect him, and I failed. And now he’s shutting himself off from me. I can feel it. And I’m powerless to do anything about it in this state.

I study his profile. He has a far away look in his eyes like he’s zoned out to where I can’t reach him. I thought he’d be angrier, but he’s not. He seems more defeated, like someone took the wind out of his sails. It pains me to see him so listless, so lethargic. It’s like he’s closing in on himself, his spirit drained. And it scares me because this must have been how he looked after Cassidy died. Those months when he shut out the world and retreated into his anguish. I don’t want that to happen again. I’d do anything to bring him back to me—to restore his hope, to make things okay. I just don’t know how.

If he’s shutting me out, then I have to make amends. I put our baby in jeopardy by stepping onto that porch to confront Lauren. I was aware that what I was doing was dangerous. I should have stayed in bed. But I didn’t want her to be the one to tell him about Cassidy. He needed to hear it from me. I would’ve been able to find the words to soften the blow. Instead, Lauren ambushed him.

The whole thing just makes me so mad. I could have prevented this, but I didn’t think she’d act that fast. We were only home a couple of hours before she went on the attack. Sure, she’s vindictive, but she’s not crazy. She plans her every move well in advance. She could’ve tortured me for months, hanging it over my head. But she didn’t. She struck hard and she struck first, not her usual approach.

She must really have a lot to lose. It’s the last card she has to play and she dealt it early in the game. She’s desperate to maintain some kind of tie to Eric, but he’ll never forgive her for this, especially if I end up losing the baby. What possible satisfaction could she get out of it? I can’t believe she’s that sadistic that she would take such pleasure in our pain.

But forget about Lauren and her twisted schemes. I need to get Eric to talk to me. He’s way too quiet, and I’m worried about him. I have to find out what sort of thoughts are running through his head. He can’t keep everything locked inside. As far as our baby is concerned, we’re in this together. He can’t shoulder the burden alone. We have to be there for each other, not run in opposite directions.

“Eric?” I shift my head on the pillow, my eyes pleading with him to look at me.

“Not now, Ivy,” he reprimands softly.

“But we have to talk about this,” I insist, pushing myself up into a sitting position.

“Lie back down.” He gets to his feet, his hands immediately on my shoulders, urging me back under the covers. “You have to stay calm. Don’t go getting yourself all upset again.”

“But you have to talk to me. You can’t keep on sitting there like this isn’t happening,” I protest as he pulls the blanket up to my chin, tucking me in.

“Let’s wait and hear what the doctor says before we start jumping to conclusions and getting all excited.” His hand caresses my hair, giving me hope that his gruff exterior isn’t directed at me.

“But if—” I almost utter Lauren’s name, but his penetrating gaze stops me.

“Don’t, Ivy. Just don’t,” he warns me before retaking his seat. Placing his head in his hands, he sighs deeply. “Not here, at least. I want you to focus on yourself and not worry about all this other stuff, okay?”

“I didn’t want her to be the one to tell you—” I try again, but I fall silent when the door swings open and the doctor enters, examining my chart.

“Well, Miss Thompson. It seems like you are one lucky lady.” I didn’t catch his name before. I was too distracted by the transvaginal ultrasound he was conducting. But his name tag says Patel.

“I’m still pregnant?” I ask, my voice just above a whisper.

“You are,” Dr. Patel beams at me.

Eric jumps to his feet, and it’s kind of a funny moment as he wraps the tiny man in a bear hug, lifting him off the ground. Flustered, he shuffles his paperwork, trying to regain his bearings after Eric puts him down.

“Oh, Doc, I’m so sorry. It’s just—” Realizing his overabundance of enthusiasm, Eric quickly starts to apologize.

“It’s quite all right,” the doctor says, straightening his glasses, already endearing me to the warm tones of his Indian accent. “It is a happy day, but we’re not in the clear yet.”

“What do you mean?” Eric questions, his demeanor abruptly changing.

“All things considered, I detected a faint rhythm that could be the baby’s heartbeat, but it was weak and I wasn’t absolutely certain.” Dr. Patel holds out his hands, sticking the chart under his arm. “However, I just got the results of the hCG levels back from the lab and they’re normal, indicating that the fetus is still alive. Miss Thompson did not miscarry.”

“That’s wonderful news,” I respond breathlessly, still not quite believing it.

“But when will you be able to check the heartbeat again?” Eric brushes by the bit of good news, eager to know more.

“Possibly as soon as next week,” Dr. Patel grins encouragingly.

“But you’re sure the baby’s still in there?” Eric questions, placing his hand upon my belly.

“Yes, hormones don’t lie,” Dr. Patel responds, winking at me.

“But what’s causing all of the bleeding and why does it keep happening? Is the baby in some kind of trouble?” Eric asks, not taking his eyes off the doctor as I cover his hand with mine.

“Worst case scenario? It could be a placental abruption,” Dr. Patel answers.

“What is that?” I prod, squeezing Eric’s fingers. It doesn’t sound good.

“There might be a large blood clot at the edge of the placenta, but I’m not sure. We’re going to have to do more ultrasounds as the baby grows in order to be certain,” he advises, glancing at me then at Eric. “But that’s only if the bleeding continues.”

“And if it does?” Eric takes a gulp of air, trying to maintain his composure.

“We’ll monitor the flow and if it’s accompanied by any contractions. My main concern is that I don’t want the placenta to detach completely before we’re able to deliver the baby,” Dr. Patel explains. “If we have to do an emergency C-section, I wouldn’t want it to happen earlier than twenty-two weeks.”

“But what about Ivy? Is her life in danger going forward with this pregnancy?” Eric’s leg starts to twitch, shaking the side of the bed.

“I’m not going to sugarcoat things, Mr. Young. If the placenta detaches while the baby is in utero, both the mother and the baby will be at risk.” Dr. Patel steps forward to place a hand on each of our shoulders. “From this point forward, until I have a clearer picture of what’s going on, I’m going to order that Ivy goes on pelvic rest and stay away from any heavy lifting.”

“Pelvic rest? Does that mean what I think it does?” I frown, waiting for him to confirm my suspicions.

“No sex,” he says, pointing his finger first at me and then at Eric. “You’re to refrain from any activity that might irritate or infect the cervix or the uterus—anything that might cause any unnecessary trauma. No more baths. No more exercising. I’d like you to relax with your feet up as much as possible. While I’m not restricting you to complete bed rest, I don’t want you moving around unless you absolutely have to.”

“No sex?” I mutter, ignoring everything else and focusing on the thing I can’t be without.

“Ivy!” Eric reprimands, obviously embarrassed.

“I’m afraid not,” Dr. Patel chuckles while checking his watch.

“Damn,” I groan, sinking back into the pillows.

Eric shakes his head at me but doesn’t say anything.

“I have marked here that Dr. Teller is your OB-GYN. But since I was the perinatologist on call today, if you would like me to take over your case, I would be more than happy to do so.” Dr. Patel retrieves a business card from his front pocket and begins writing on the back. “I’m giving you the number of my pager so you can reach me at any time. I would feel better knowing that you remained my patient because I specialize in this area, and I want to make sure you receive the kind of care you need.”

Eric’s eyes meet mine and I know we’re on the same page.

“Yes, Doctor. We would like that very much.” I nod as he hands Eric his card.

“Excellent! When you get home, call my office and we’ll set you up with a follow-up appointment for next week. And we’ll listen to the baby’s heartbeat. How does that sound?” Dr. Patel grins, clicking his pen.

“That sounds great, Doc. Thank you.” Eric gets off the bed to shake his hand.

“And if the bleeding gets to be too much, if it fills a pad completely or if it starts and it won’t stop, come straight to the emergency room and call me once you get here, okay?” Dr. Patel asks, encompassing us in his steady gaze. “Until then, get some rest and take it easy. No stress. No worries. Think positive. This baby is a fighter, a champion. I can’t wait to bring it into the world.”

His remark causes both Eric and me to smile as he steps out of the room and moves on to the next patient.

“I really like him,” I exclaim, releasing the breath I didn’t even realize I was holding.

“Yeah, me too,” Eric says, dragging his chair closer to the bed.

“Except for the no sex part.” I can’t resist teasing him.

“Ivy—”

“I know…I know. But consider yourself warned. After this baby is born, you won’t be able to keep my hands off you.” I grin at him, trying to make light of the situation.

For a moment, he doesn’t respond. Instead, he lifts my hand to his lips, kissing it as he closes his eyes. He knits his brow as he draws in a ragged breath, and I see how much he’s taking what the doctor said to heart. I can’t have him thinking this way. I can’t.

“Eric, look at me,” I command, easing my thumb along the top of his hand.

When he finally does, his eyes are filled with fear. Oh God, why is this happening? Why couldn’t I just have a normal pregnancy? Why does my stupid, messed-up body have to torture him like this?

“I’m not going anywhere, okay?” I say, fiercely, gripping his hand. “I’m not going to die.”

“You don’t know that,” he responds as adamantly as I’ve ever seen.

“Listen to me. We don’t even know if there’s anything wrong with the placenta.” I lean forward to grab a fistful of his shirt. “The bleeding might even stop, and it’ll all be fine. All I know is this baby is going to be born when it’s supposed to, and that’s all there is to it.”

He stares at me for a solid minute, his chest expanding and contracting rapidly. He doesn’t want to argue with me, even though he doesn’t agree. He’s never going to have a moment’s peace, knowing that my life is potentially in jeopardy. It’s like reliving his past all over again. The exact type of situation I never wanted to put him in.

“I’m not sick, Eric.” I do my best to encourage him. Anything I can do to rekindle his faith. “I don’t have cancer. I’m not dying.”

“But if we get to the point where it comes to risking your life to save the baby’s, I won’t go through that again. Do you hear me?” he demands as his eyes pierce through me with such sadness. “We’ll end the pregnancy, and we’ll try again another time.”

“I promised you that you would never have to be alone again,” I say shakily. “And I’m not leaving you. No matter what.”

I feel my tears mixing with his as I pull his lips onto mine. It’s a heady kiss full of trepidation and angst and frustration. He breaks away first, choking back a sob as he releases me.

“I know it probably sounds heartless and selfish after the lengths Cassidy went to,” he continues, trying to keep his tears in check in order to say what he has to say. “But it’d be like sacrificing my life as well. I barely made it through something like this once. Please don’t ask me to do it again.”

“Eric—” I groan, not knowing what to say.

“If we find out there is a tear in the placenta this early in the pregnancy and there’s nothing that can be done, then all we have is a waiting game, hoping it doesn’t rupture until we reach twenty-two weeks.” He reaches for my arm, urging me to look at him. “If that’s the case, we’re terminating the pregnancy, and I don’t think anyone would blame us.”

“Of course not,” I mutter, my voice hoarse. “But Eric, when it comes down to it, I don’t think I have it in me to abort this baby. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“But you’d have me live without you?” The raw anger in his voice fills the room.

“Let’s not cross any bridges before we get to them, okay?” I try to soothe him and defuse his anxiety.

“Ivy, you can’t pretend like this isn’t happening. I’m not going to play the ‘what if’ game with you. Because it’s not a game. It’s a situation with dire consequences, and I’m not losing you. I’m not!” he exclaims, sweeping back his arm and knocking a box of tissues off the bedside table.

“Is everything all right in here?” a nurse asks, knocking before opening the door.

“Yes,” I somehow manage to respond.

“Because I heard some yelling in here and Dr. P. told me that no one was to get you agitated,” she says, glaring at Eric.

“That’s fine because I was just leaving,” Eric remarks snidely, brushing past her.

“Eric, where are you going? They’re going to be discharging me soon,” I protest, leaning back on my elbows.

“I need some air. I won’t be long.” He gazes at me defiantly. “Besides, I don’t think it’s good for me to be around you right now.”

The nurse clucks her tongue, watching him depart.

“Well, if you need anything, sweetie, hit the call button. I’m just waiting on the pharmacy to fill that progesterone prescription that Dr. P. ordered for you. Then we’ll get the ball rolling on your release so you can go home and rest.” She walks over to help fluff up my pillows. “And don’t worry about your man. Guys are terrible when it comes to dealing with emotional situations. They all run off like scared chickens. Let him go outside and mutter to himself for a while. He’ll be better when he comes back in, I promise. I see it every day.”

“He’s kind of a special case,” I admit, not wanting to go into too much detail.

“I know who he is. I know his story,” she says, propping her hands on her hips. “Sure, he’s excited, but he doesn’t have to get you all worked up. And my main concern is you, not him. Like I said, he’ll be fine. Ever since I saw him on the news, I’ve been praying for him.”

“You have?” I ask in bewilderment. “Why?”

“Because I’m a firm believer in the power of prayer,” she states matter-of-factly. “God has a reason behind everything whether we’re able to see it or not. I don’t think anything bad is going to happen to you or that baby.”

“How can you be so sure?” I admire her confidence, but there’s a fine line between being realistically positive and simply delusional.

“What he went through with that girl wasn’t for nothing,” she says, smoothing her mocha-colored hand over my forehead. “What he learned in his time of trouble was earned at the expense of a crippling loss. And honey child, God just ain’t that cruel. That wisdom he gained about life and about himself is gonna carry the two of you through this.”

“That’s a nice way of looking at things,” I answer, not quite sure how to respond to her heartfelt proclamation.

“Nice? Divine inspiration is more like it.” She smiles, the warmth of her laughter filling the broken place in my heart. “Listen to Nurse Wanda now. I know what I’m talking about. I’ve seen a lot of joy and a lot of heartache after working in this hospital for forty years. God only gives you what you can handle, although I don’t know why he keeps on putting that man of yours to the test.”

“Or past the breaking point,” I mumble, wishing I could get out of this bed and comfort him.

“Nah, darlin.’ Not that far. He has you now. He’ll never go down that road again,” Wanda assures me, tucking me back under the covers, just like Eric had done.

“But what if something happens—” I don’t even want to think about it.

“If, if, if—nothing but if with you and him,” she chides, patting me on the head. “God has a plan for each and every one of us. Cling to that and don’t let go. No more ifs. He will guide you through any storm. He will not leave you unprotected.”

“Thank you, Wanda,” I say, smiling up at her. I’m not religious by any means, but her words are definitely giving me something to think about.

“Where’s your mother, child? You’re nothing but a babe yourself. Why ain’t she here, holding your hand?” Wanda glances down at me in concern.

I want to say, “None of your damn business.” But I don’t. From anyone else, it would feel like prying, but I can tell, for whatever reason, Wanda truly cares. She’s not just being nosy.

“Because she’s probably drunk,” I say without emotion. “I moved out when I went away to college, and I never really went back. I worked most summers and stayed in the dorm while everyone else went home. She’s never really been there for me, you know? I still haven’t even told her that I’m pregnant.”

“But you still talk?” Wanda prompts.

“Every once and a while on the phone. She’s usually complaining about how she doesn’t have enough money and that I could be helping her more instead of only being concerned about myself.” I keep talking, unable to stop now that I have a willing audience. “She doesn’t understand why receiving a degree is so important to me, when I could be working two jobs and supporting the both of us.”

“What does your man say about her?” Wanda asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Honestly?” I shrug my shoulders. “They’ve never met. I’ve never even told him that much about her.”

“And he doesn’t ask?”

“He tried to a couple of times, but I usually change the subject or give him a few vague details. She wasn’t the best mother growing up. She hit me a lot when she was tired and hung over. Or else she was out with a different man every night. We never had any money. I remember going to school with holes in my sneakers and wearing secondhand jeans. That’s what made me so determined to make something of myself. And if I’m able to have this baby, I’m going to be there for it. But now Eric’s telling me I have to give it up.”

I collapse into a fresh round of tears as Wanda pats me on the back.

“There there, child. You just get all those bad feelings out of that body of yours and away from that little peanut in your tummy. They’re not doing the two of you any good. You both need to remain strong.” Wanda hands me a tissue to dab my eyes as the door opens.

I look up hoping to see Eric, but it’s just another nurse.

“Wanda, Miss Thompson is good to go. Her prescription was just delivered to the desk and Dr. P. signed off on her discharge papers.” She gives me a quick smile before handing the form over to Wanda.

“Thanks, Carol. Her man isn’t out there, is he? I’m going to need his signature too,” Wanda states, indicating the line where I have to sign.

My stomach drops when I realize Eric is probably paying for this out of pocket. If my medical problems continue, we won’t need Lauren to ruin us. I’ll bankrupt him myself.

“Yeah, he’s by the elevator, pacing like a tomcat,” Carol winks, taking the paper from me.

“Tell him to come back in here if he’s cooled down, but not before. Dr. P. has Miss Thompson under strict orders not to have to deal with any drama from temperamental men.” Wanda nudges my arm, causing me to grin.

“You got it,” Carol says, giggling as she steps out.

“Do you feel better now?” Wanda asks, sliding the curtain around the bed to help me change.

“I do. Thank you, Wanda,” I say wholeheartedly as she helps me untie the straps of the hospital gown. “I really hope I don’t have to wear another one of these any time soon.”

“They’re awful, aren’t they?” Wanda concurs. “Talk about drafty!”

We’re both laughing as Eric walks in.

“Just getting her changed, Mr. Young. We’ll be right with you,” Wanda calls out from behind the curtain.

“No rush. Take your time,” Eric replies, seemingly in better spirits.

“See, I told you,” Wanda mouths. Out loud, she says, “Now, Mr. Young. Miss Thompson lost quite a bit of blood, so she’s going to be a little weak on her feet for the next couple of days. I don’t advise her taking a shower alone, if you catch my drift.” Wanda wiggles her eyebrows at me, and I can only shake my head at her.

“I do.” Eric coughs nervously.

“So you’re going to have to help her, but I’m sure you won’t have any problems doing that, right?” Wanda grins widely, and I pat her arm, signaling her to stop before he runs out of the room again.

“Nope,” he manages to choke out.

“Good, I didn’t think so,” Wanda says, helping me into a pair of ugly sweatpants we had sent up from the gift shop. Unfortunately, the ambulance crew had to cut me out of Eric’s shirt in order to attach leads to my chest to monitor my heart rate. Something I’d rather not think about to be perfectly honest. Knowing that strange guys saw my boobs is a mental image I’d like to forget.

“All right. All set, Mr. Young,” Wanda announces, drawing back the curtain. “Let me have one of the orderlies bring over a wheelchair.”

“That’s not necessary,” Eric says, his eyes fixed on me.

“But sir, she can’t walk all the way—” Wanda objects, but she stops when she sees Eric lift me into his arms.

“The Lord works in mysterious ways,” I counter, tilting my chin in her direction as Eric carries me out the door.

“What?” Eric asks, peering down at me.

“Nothing, just some girl talk,” I respond, winking at Wanda.

“You take care, honey child. I’ll be praying for you,” Wanda says, tapping me lightly on the shoulder before hustling back to the desk.

“Well, she’s full of life,” Eric comments, distracted as he checks to make sure my prescription is safely in his coat pocket.

“That she is,” I answer, stroking the nape of his neck. “In more ways than one.”

No matter what happens, I’m keeping this baby—whether he agrees with me or not. It’s one of those rare moments where I feel at one with Cassidy, connected to her on a level I never would have imagined possible. I get now why she did what she did. My fears are inconsequential when it comes to the sheer power of bringing a new life into the world. A woman would literally die for her child, and I can understand that pull now. I feel it too.

Eric doesn’t get the last word on this. It’s my body, my decision. I don’t want to hurt him, but I’m going to put faith in what Wanda told me. I have to believe there’s some kind of purpose behind all of his pain and suffering. It can’t all be for nothing. It has to count for something.

In my heart of hearts, I know that this baby is destined to do great things. I’m not going to let it down. I will fight for it with everything I’ve got. No one’s going to change my mind no matter the risk—not even Eric.

One way or another, this baby is going to live.