Mercy

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Michelle was counting all the reasons she shouldn't and wouldn't get involved with Theo. She'd gotten up to number twenty

when he knocked on the bathroom door.

"I haven't taken my shower yet."

"Yeah, I know. I was just wondering if you wanted me to hook up your computer for you?"

"You found it?"

She opened the door a crack and peeped out, holding her cotton robe together across her breasts.

"It was hard to miss. I tripped over one of the boxes when I put my clothes on the washer. So do you want me to or not?"

"Hook up my computer? Sure," she said.

She shut the door in his face and started counting all over again. When she got to number twenty-three-she'd have to change

the sheets-she realized she was getting desperate and went back to the number one reason. The man would break her heart.

She stepped into the bathtub and turned the shower on full blast. The icy cold water made her grimace. She adjusted the temperature and let the warm water soothe her.

By the time she rinsed the shampoo from her hair, she'd worked herself back up into a fit of indignation. Mess with her indeed. She wasn't so easily manipulated, she thought as she combed the tangles out of her hair and then turned on the blow dryer.

He'd probably be a demanding lover…

"Hell," she whispered. Slow and easy. Would she ever get those words out of her mind? It was like a song that kept replaying in her head.

She brushed her teeth, then put moisturizer on her face and stared at herself in the mirror. "Admit it," she whispered. "You want

to sleep with him."

She shook her head. No, that wasn't true. She wanted to have sex with him. And what was wrong with that? Absolutely nothing. She was merely fantasizing, and fantasy was a perfectly healthy function of the human psyche.

Acting upon the fantasy was another matter altogether. Reason number one… that heartbreaking thing… "Been there, done that," she whispered.

Oh, no, she wasn't going to get involved with Theo Buchanan. And so she didn't put on one of the short nightgowns that she usually wore to bed. She got her long blue silk pajamas out of her bottom drawer instead. She buttoned every button, including

the top one. The mandarin collar rubbed the sensitive skin underneath her chin. She reached for the matching blue slippers, but rejected those and found an old pair of thick white terry-cloth slip-ons under her bed. She brushed her hair to get it out of her

eyes, dabbed on a little colorless, moisturizing lip gloss, then hunted through her closet and dug out her heavy white flannel robe. The hem dragged on the floor. The robe had buttons and she secured every one of them. It also had a belt. She double knotted it.

Then she looked at herself in the mirror. Good, she thought. She looked like a nun.

Theo was in the library. He'd unloaded the computer equipment and had it up and running by the time she came downstairs. He was reading something on the monitor. He glanced over the top of his hornrimmed glasses at her when she entered the room, and his gaze froze. In a flash he noticed every little detail about her-how the blue pajamas matched the color of her eyes; how her hair, down around her shoulders, shimmered like russet gold in the soft light; how, without an ounce of makeup, she looked beautiful.

She was dressed for bed… as long as the bed was in Antarctica. Michelle was a physician, but she sure didn't know anything about how a man's mind worked. All those clothes… they just made him fantasize about what was underneath.

His imagination went to work, and he pictured her stripping off each layer before slipping between the covers. Ah, hell, don't think about it, he warned himself. For the love of God, don't think about the soft, warm skin underneath all that fabric.

Michelle walked over to the desk. Feeling extremely self-conscious because of the way he was staring at her, she fiddled with the knot in her belt and asked, "So? What do you think?"

"Theo?" she asked when he didn't immediately answer. He had a funny smile on his face now and was staring at her feet.

"What's the matter?"

"Are you expecting a snowstorm tonight?"

Her hand went to her throat. "I was chilly."

He laughed.

"I was,* she insisted. "I get cold when the air conditioner is on. I turned it down so you would be comfortable."

"Uh-huh."

Now she felt stupid because he wasn't buying her lie.

"Cute bunny slippers."

"Thank you," she said. "If you're finished mocking me, answer my question. What do you think… about my computer?"

"It's ancient."

"Will you stop staring at my slippers?"

Exasperated, she leaned against the side of the desk and removed the slippers. Theo laughed again when he saw that she

was wearing socks.

"Now what's so funny?" she demanded.

"I was just wondering if you were wearing long underwear too."

"I don't own any long underwear," she countered. "Now, will you answer my question. Does my computer work or not?"

"Where did you get this thing?"

"My brother Remy gave it to me. He picked it up secondhand the last time he was home. I haven't had time to set it up. I've

only been in the house a couple of weeks. John Paul wanted to put another coat of varnish on the floors, and if you knew my brother, you'd understand he does things on his own schedule. I've been using the computer at the hospital. I know this one is outdated, but eventually, when I can afford it, I'll get a newer one."

Theo angled the screen near the corner of the desk, adjusted the keypad the way he thought she'd want it, then leaned back in

the soft leather chair. "So, whoever is following you… he isn't some brokenhearted guy you dumped?"

"We've been over that."

"We're going over it again."

She didn't argue. "No, I haven't been involved with anyone. Besides that, I'm a physician. I don't break hearts. I-"

"Yeah, I know. You fix them."

"No, I refer them."

His laptop was on the opposite side of the desk. It was a slick, expensive piece of equipment. As she was examining it, a big

red E floated across the screen. It was followed by a single beep.

"You've got mail."

He reached over, touched a key, and saw who had sent him the message. She read the name before he hit the key and the

screen went blank.

She wasn't sure if he was waiting until later to read the message because he knew it wasn't important or because he didn't want her to read it.

"Who's Noah?"

"A friend."

"I read the name," she explained even though he hadn't asked. "You were talking to him on the phone earlier."

"Yes; he called. He must have been waiting by his computer, because I just sent him a message a couple of minutes ago, while you were in the shower, and he already responded."

"If you want to read the message now, I'll go in the other room."

"No, that's okay. You can read it with me. You won't understand it, though."

"Too technical?"

Before she could take issue, he said, "Too Noah. If you knew him, you'd understand. The guy's got a warped sense of humor."

"You make that sound like a compliment."

"It is," he said. "In his line of work, it helps to be a little warped."

Theo hit a button and waited. Michelle leaned over his shoulder so she could read the message. It was convoluted, and didn't make any sense to her.

"Is it in code?"

"No," he answered gruffly. Damn, he wished she'd move back. He could smell the clean scent of her shampoo, feel the heat

from her soft body.

He tensed in reaction. He pictured himself pulling her onto his lap and kissing the breath out of her. Then he expanded the

fantasy until he was thinking about all the other things he wanted to do with her and to her. He'd start with her toes and work

his way up until he had every button undone and he was-

"Who's Mary Beth?"

"Excuse me?"

"Noah said he never thanked you for letting him use Mary Beth the last time he was in Boston. You boys share your women?"

"Mary Beth is a fishing boat. I invited Noah to drive to Bowen to go fishing. I told him about the tournament, and he wants me

to sign him up. He's going crazy in Biloxi. He's doing a training program, and he hates it." He turned back to the monitor, removed his glasses, and set them on the desk. He was having trouble concentrating now. It was all he could do to restrain himself from grabbing her. What the hell was the matter with him? Michelle was a complication he didn't need now. She wasn't the love-her-and-then-leave-her type of woman, and he wouldn't be staying around.

He knew he wasn't making any sense. He had come to Bowen because of her, and yet…

She poked him in the shoulder to get his attention. "Who's Priest?"

"Father Tom Madden," he answered. "He's like a brother," he added. "When he was just starting grade school, he moved in

with our family. He's Nick's age, and the two of them are best friends. They went to Penn State together. Nick's going to

marry Tommy's little sister."

"Why does Noah call him Priest?"

"Because, and I'm quoting Noah now, 'It pisses him off.' That's why he does it. Tommy lets him get away with anything."

"Why's that?"

"Because Noah almost died saving Tommy's life. He drives Tommy crazy, but they've actually become good friends. The three

of them go fishing every once in a while," he said.

She nodded, then asked, "That last line Noah wrote… what does he mean, 'regarding the other, no problem'?"

"It means he knows I'm out of my element here, and so he's going to check out a couple of things for me."

"Your answer is as ambiguous as his message."

She walked away from the desk and opened the French doors connecting the library to the living room. There were medical journals strewn along her sofa. She picked them up, stacked them on an end table, and sat down with a sigh.

She lifted her hair up so her neck would get some air. God, she was hot. The heavy robe was suffocating her. She picked up

one of the journals and was going to fan her face, then realized how telling that would be and put the magazine down.

Theo leaned back in his chair and peered around the half-open door. "Are you okay? You look a little flushed."

The man didn't miss anything. "I'm just tired."

"How long have you been up?"

"Since four or five."

He finished typing into his computer. "I'll leave this on," he said. Then he stood, stretched, and rolled his shoulders.

He reminded her of a big old tomcat. "How come you packed your laptop? Going to check your e-mail while you're fishing?"

"It's like my cell phone. I never leave home without it. Do you want something to drink?"

"No thanks, but you help yourself."

Theo went into the kitchen, grabbed a Diet Coke out of the refrigerator, then searched through her pantry. He found an

unopened box of low-fat, low-sodium Triscuits and carried the box with him back to the living room.

He sat down in the big, overstuffed easy chair, kicked his shoes off, and swung his feet up on the matching ottoman. Placing

his drink on a cardboard box next to the chair, he held up the Triscuits and said, "Want some of these?"

"I just brushed my teeth. Do you ever fill up?"

"Not on stuff like this."

He opened the box and began to munch on the crackers. "I've got some friends making calls and a couple of my interns doing some research for me. It isn't a tough assignment, so hopefully, they'll e-mail me tonight and have everything ready to go tomorrow."

"Justice Department work while you're on vacation?"

"Sugar mill work."

She perked up. "Oh? Do you think you might be able to help Daryl and his family?"

"I'm going to try. What do you know about the Carson brothers?"

"Not much," she admitted. "You should talk to Daddy. He's known the brothers for years. He can answer your questions. This

is a small community, so information is pretty easy to get. Everybody keeps up on what everybody else is doing."

"And yet, no one knows anything about the break-in at the clinic," he remarked. "I've given it some thought, and I don't believe

kids trashed it."

"Then what do you think?"

"It was a one-man operation. I could be wrong, but I don't think I am. There was a pattern."

"I don't understand. What do you mean by 'a pattern'?"

"There was order to the chaos. He came in through the back door-"

"But the window in the reception area was broken."

"He broke it while he was inside. That was easy to figure out. The glass fragments prove it."

"What else?"

"I don't do this kind of thing for a living," he said. "I prosecute. But if they were kids looking for drugs, as your dad and your

friend Ben Nelson believe, then how come the examination rooms were barely touched?"

"The glass and the locks were broken in the medicine cabinets."

"Yes, but the needles and the prescription pads were still there. And what about the files, Michelle? Why would someone take

the time to go through boxes of files?"

"Maybe they were just throwing things left and right."

"This didn't look like a simple case of vandalism to me. Kids who set out to vandalize… they bring along their own fun equipment."

"Like what?"

"Spray paint," he said. "The guy who did this used your paint to mess up the rooms. Makes me think he didn't come prepared

to tear things up. And the trash bags in the yard looked like someone had gone through them. There wasn't a scratch on the

lock on your back door, which tells me that he had the right tools and knew how to use them."

"As in a professional?"

He didn't answer. "Noah's going to be here tomorow. If you don't mind, I'd like you to leave the clinic the way it is until he's finished looking around."

"Just tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Okay," she agreed. Her friends weren't coming to help until the day after. She could wait until then. "What does Noah do for

a living?"

He didn't give her a specific answer but said, "He's FBI," and left it at that.

"FBI?" She couldn't hide her alarm. "Then you must think-"

He interrupted her. "Don't jump to conclusions. Noah's a family friend, and I thought it would be a good idea to let him look at

the clinic. Get his opinion. Besides, he's over in Biloxi, and he loves to fish. A day or two in Bowen will be a vacation for him."

"I will appreciate his help… and yours too, but I wonder if maybe we aren't making a mountain out of what could have been

just a random act."

"You don't really believe that, do you?"

She rubbed her temples. "No, I guess I don't. I don't think Ben believes kids did it either," she admitted. "He walked around the clinic with me, and we both noticed there weren't any footprints outside the window. The grass was still soggy. It had rained

hard the night before. There should have been footprints."

"So why did you argue with me about how he got in?"

She shrugged. "I guess I just wanted it to be easy and make sense. Do you know the first thought I had when I saw my office?"

"What's that?"

"Someone really hates me. It scared me," she said. "I've been racking my brain trying to come up with a name, but honestly, I haven't been back in town long enough to make enemies. Give me a couple of months, and I'm sure I'll have a list as long as

my arm."

"I doubt that," he said. "The man was definitely out of control in your office. Noah will have some ideas for us."

He popped another Triscuit in his mouth. Without some squirty cheese or peanut butter, the crackers tasted like sawdust to

him, but he kept eating them anyway.

"Men like Noah catch criminals, and you put them away."

"Something like that."

"At least you don't have to worry about people shooting at you."

"That's right." His quick agreement was a lie, of course. Hell, he'd been shot at, kicked, bitten, punched, and spit on while he was doing his job. He'd even had a contract taken out on him-twice now that he recalled- and when he went after Leon's family,

he received daily threats.

"I have a theory," she said.

"Let's hear it." He was digging into the bottom of the box, searching for one last piece of sawdust he could eat.

"One of Dr. Robinson's patients was trying to steal his file."

"What would his reason be?"

"I don't know. I thought that if he had some contagious disease or some diagnosis he didn't want his insurance company or his family to know about, then maybe he might want to steal his file. I know I'm reaching, but that's the only theory I can come up with as to why the files were all torn apart."

"Did Robinson give you a list of his patients?"

"Yes, he did. There was a printout in a manila envelope taped to one of the boxes. He didn't have a big practice considering the length of time he worked here. From what I've heard, Dr. Robinson needed to take a couple of sensitivity classes. He offended

his patients."

"Which is why he didn't have a big practice."

"That's right."

"After Noah goes through the clinic and tells us what he thinks, you're going to have to match the files with the list of names to

see if anyone's chart is missing."

"Assuming that list wasn't destroyed."

Theo nodded. "I also think you should call Robinson and ask him if there were any difficult patients. You'll know what to ask."

"Yes, all right. He probably has a copy of the patient list anyway if we need it."

He noticed she was rubbing the back of her neck. "Are you getting a headache?"

"Sort of."

"Maybe I can 'sort oP fix it."

He got up and joined her on the sofa. Then he put a pillow on the floor between his bare feet and told her to sit there while he worked the kinks out.

The offer was irresistible. She got settled between his knees and stretched her legs. He put his hands on her shoulders, then pulled back.

"Take your robe off."

She unbuttoned the robe, untied the belt, and slipped the robe off.

"Now take your pajama top off."

"Nice try."

He grinned. "Okay, then unbutton the top buttons."

She had to undo three buttons so his hands could get to her skin. Too late, she realized what she was doing. His big, warm

hands were touching her bare skin, and, oh, Lordy, did it feel wonderful.

"Your skin's soft."

She closed her eyes. She should make him stop, she thought. How crazy was this? Theo was the reason she was feeling so

tense, and now he was making it blissfully worse. Oh, yes, she should definitely make him stop. She turned her head to the side instead so he could rub the knot on the column of her neck.

"You know what I thought when I first met you?"

"That I was irresistible?" she teased. "So irresistible you had to throw up on me?"

"You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"Probably not."

"I was out of my mind with pain then," he reminded her. "And that's not what I was talking about anyway. After the surgery, when you came into my room and you were telling me about Bowen and your clinic and the people who live here… you know what I was thinking then?"

"That you wish I'd stop talking and let you get some sleep?"

He tugged on her hair. "I'm being serious here. I'm gonna tell you why I really came to Bowen."

His tone of voice indicated he wasn't teasing. "I'm sorry. What were you thinking?"

"That I wanted what you had," he said.

"Oh?"

"I saw something inside of you I had when I first started out, but somewhere along the way, I lost it. That never bothered me

until I met you. You made me want to find it again… if that's possible."

"What was it you saw?"

"Passion."

She didn't understand. "Passion for my work?"

"Passion to make a difference."

She paused for a moment. "I don't want to change the world, Theo. I'm only hoping I can make a difference in a little corner

of it." She got up on her knees and turned around to face him. "You don't think you make a difference?" she asked, astonished.

"Yeah, sure I do," he said very matter-of-factly.

"I've just lost my enthusiasm for the job, I guess. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. The men I put away… they're like rodents. Every one I lock up, three more take his place. It's frustrating."

"I think you're experiencing burnout. You've been working long hours since your wife died. You don't allow yourself time to play."

"How do you know that?"

"You told me you loved building things with your hands, but you also said you haven't had time for the hobby in four years. In

other words, since your wife died."

She could tell he wanted to interrupt her, and so she hastened to add, "And fishing too. You told me you used to love to fish, but the way you said it was as though you were talking about a past life. You've been punishing yourself long enough, Theo. You

have to let it go."

His immediate reaction was to tell her he hadn't come to Bowen to get analyzed and that she should leave him the hell alone. She'd hit too close to the bone… but she'd only told him what he already knew. For the past four years he'd been running as

fast as he could so he wouldn't have time to think about his failure to save his wife. The guilt had been eating at him for a long time. It had taken his energy, his enthusiasm, and his passion.

"You need to kick back and let life pass you by for a couple of weeks."

"Doctor's orders?"

"Yes," she said. "You'll feel rejuvenated. I promise."

She was worried about him. He could see it in her eyes. Lord, she was sweet. And what was he going to do about that? He was beginning to like her a hell of a lot more than he'd anticipated.

"And if you decide to go back to Boston, you'll have anew attitude."

"If I go back?"

"I meant when you go back," she corrected.

He didn't want to think about Boston or work or his future or anything else for that matter, and that was so unlike him. He was

a planner, always had been for as long as he could remember, but now he didn't want to plan anything. He wanted to do exactly what Michelle had suggested. Kick back and let the world pass him by.

"It's funny," he remarked.

"What is?"

"You… me. It's like fate threw us together."

She smiled. "You're a contradiction, Theo. A lawyer with a romantic side. Who would have thought that was possible?"

Theo decided to lighten the mood. Michelle was so easy and fun to tease and gave as good as she got. He liked embarrassing

her. The esteemed doctor could blush with the best of them.

"You know what else I thought when I met you?" he asked with a playful grin.

"No, what?" she asked suspiciously.

"You were sexy. Real sexy."

"Oh." The word came out with a sigh.

" 'Oh,' what?"

Oh, boy. "The baggy green surgical scrubs, right? The outfit's a real turn-on."

"That cute little mask hid your best feature."

"My freckles?"

"No, your mouth."

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Theo certainly knew how to flirt. He could make her squirm and pant at the same time.

She smiled sweetly. "You haven't seen my best feature yet."

He raised an eyebrow in that wonderful Cary Grant way she loved. "Yeah?" he drawled. "Now you've got me curious.

You're not going to tell me what your best feature is, are you?"

"No."

"You want me to spend half the night thinking about it?"

She hoped he would. She hoped he'd squirm a little too, just the way she did every time he looked at her. She knew she

wasn't going to get much rest tonight. Why should she be the only one sleep deprived? Tit for tat, she thought. She was

suddenly feeling quite pleased with herself. Theo might have been the master at sexual banter, but she was finally feeling as though she was holding her own. She wasn't such a neophyte after all.

You mess with me and you pay theconsequences.

"You want to fool around?" he asked.

She laughed. "No."

"If you're sure…"

"I'm sure."

"Then maybe you'd better button your top."

She glanced down at her chest and let out a loud groan. The silk pajama top was completely undone. Damn those silk buttons. They never stayed put. Her breasts were covered, though just barely. Mortified, she frantically rebuttoned.

Her face was bright pink when she looked at him. "Why didn't you say something?"

"Are you kidding? Why would I want to do that? I liked it. And don't look at me that way. I didn't unbutton the thing. I'm an innocent bystander."

She sat back on her heels while she put her robe on. "I'm going to bed. Thanks for the massage. It helped."

He leaned forward, cupped the sides of her face and kissed her. Her mouth was so soft and warm and sweet. She tasted like peppermint. He took his time coaching a response, trying not to rush her.

There hadn't been time to prepare. She hadn't realized he was going to kiss her until his lips were touching hers. She didn't

resist. She should have, but she didn't. Her lips parted, and then he deepened the kiss and she went limp.

She was his for the taking and both of them knew it.

He abruptly pulled back. "Sweet dreams."

"What?"

"Good night."

"Oh. Yes, I'm going to bed."

There was a definite twinkle in his eyes. He knew what he'd just done to her. She'd all but melted in front of him. Lord, what would happen if they made love? She'd probably have a complete mental breakdown.

How could he turn it on and off so quickly and efficiently? Experience and discipline, she decided as she stood and walked out

of the room. Years and years of experience and discipline. She, on the other hand, apparently had the discipline of a rabbit. One kiss and she was ready to have his babies.

God, she was disgusting. And did he have to be such a great kisser? She shoved her hair out of her face. Mr. Big City was

going to eat her alive if she didn't get a handle on her emotions. She wasn't an innocent. She'd been in a relationship before, and

at the time, she'd believed she was going to marry the man. He hadn't kissed the way Theo had, though, and he hadn't made her feel so alive and desirable.

The big jerk. Michelle tripped on the hem of her robe going up the stairs. As soon as she reached her bedroom, she threw the

robe on a chair. Then she got into bed. She stayed there about five seconds, got up again, and went downstairs.

Theo was back at the desk, typing on his laptop.

"Listen, you." She came close to shouting.

"Yes?" he asked, his hands poised over the keyboard.

"I just want you to know…"

"What?"

"I'm a damned good surgeon. While you were out getting all that experience… screwing around, and I use that word

specifically…"

"Yes?" he asked, a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

She poked herself in the chest. "I was busy learning how to use a scalpel. I just wanted you to know…"

"Know what?" he asked when she abruptly stopped.

Her mind went blank. Several seconds passed in silence. Her shoulders slumped and she said, "I don't know."

Without another word, she left the room.

Could she have made a bigger fool of herself? "I doubt that," she whispered as she got into bed. She felt like David going to

meet Goliath and forgetting to bring his slingshot. Letting out a loud groan, she rolled onto her stomach, pulled the pillow over her head, and closed her eyes.

He was making her nuts.