My Sister Is A Werewolf

CHAPTER 20

Jensen pulled into his driveway and sat there. Just go back. Images of Elizabeth’s uncertain expression haunted him. The wary way she’d looked at him as she’d gotten out of his car. The way she’d seemed almost desperate when he said he’d see her later.

She was confused by his reaction. Hell, he was confused. When she’d asked about Katie, it was almost as if she’d brought another world into their relationship. A world that she wasn’t a part of, and he didn’t want her to be.

But why shouldn’t Elizabeth know about Katie? She had a right to be curious. He was curious as hell about her other men. She’d never mentioned any, but he did wonder.

He turned off the engine and got out of the truck. As the door slammed, the sound loud and jarring in the afternoon air, he felt like that sound was just punctuating a huge mistake.

He shouldn’t have taken her home. Taking her home wasn’t the problem, it was the fact that he’d left her there. Watching him go, from her porch. Confused and hurt.

And understandably so. She didn’t even know what she’d asked that was so wrong. And she hadn’t asked anything that was wrong. She’d asked a curious and totally valid question.

He was the one who couldn’t answer her.

He stepped into the house, nearly groaning that his grandfather sat at the kitchen table working on one of his many crosswords.

“Hi. Where’s Elizabeth?”

He could count on his granddad to focus right on the one thing he didn’t want to talk about.

“She went home. She was… tired.”

Granddad nodded, then wrote in another word.

“She seems like a great girl, Jen.”

Jensen nodded. Yes, she was. And perhaps one that he might have lost, just because he couldn’t deal with his own past.

“She’s very fond of you. You can see it all over her face.”

Jensen would have liked to think he wasn’t selfish and so needy that his grandfather’s words could fill him with satisfaction. But they did.

Maybe Elizabeth would forgive him for his reluctance to talk about Katie. But he could tell from the look on her face that she’d believed the reason he wouldn’t talk was because he still loved Katie.

Even a week ago, he would have agreed. He would have said that he absolutely loved Katie and wouldn’t fall for another. Now, he wasn’t so sure.

Actually, he was sure. He had fallen in love again. That was absolutely what he felt for Elizabeth. So why had his inclination been to run from her questions?

Because, you fool, you don’t want her to see what an utter failure you are. You let Katie die, for God’s sake.

How did he tell the woman he was falling for that he’d played a part in his first love’s death?

“You know, I get the feeling that Elizabeth is just a really good person.” Granddad’s comment was offhanded, and as was his way, he still answered the crossword clues as if he hadn’t even spoken.

Jensen crossed to the counter, leaning against it. Debating what he needed to do.

“I don’t think I’d let a woman like that one get away.”

Jensen stared at his grandfather, bent over his puzzle. What did his grandfather know about any of this? He didn’t know what had happened that last night with Katie.

Hell, she wouldn’t even have been driving if they hadn’t had that stupid fight. Such a stupid, stupid fight. And who had paid for Jensen’s stupidity? Katie. Katie had. With her life.

He didn’t say anything as he left the kitchen, hurrying up the steps to his bedroom. The room that had been his since he’d moved in with his grandparents. So much of his childhood was still apparent in this room, and in truth, he didn’t even notice it anymore.

He picked up the picture of himself and Katie as they were preparing to leave for college.

Once he’d looked at that picture every single night, wondering “what if.” What if things had turned out differently?

He had to admit that since he decided he wanted to be with Elizabeth he hadn’t given the picture a thought. Like the sports pennants. Like the old science project he’d made in ninth grade, still sitting on his bookshelf, gathering dust.

The idea that he could just forget about Katie didn’t make him feel any better. He stared at the picture, remembering everything about that day.

His grandmother’s roses were still blooming, and the sweet smell had scented the air. He and Granddad had to wrestle all their luggage around, trying to find the right combination to make it all fit like a huge-and heavy, thanks to Katie’s suitcases-3-D puzzle. But they had made it all fit. Katie had apologized for all her stuff, but she didn’t offer to leave anything behind. Not because she was greedy, but because she was sure everything she’d packed was a necessity. She was leaving West Pines for good. Or so she thought.

He remembered the tape Katie had made to listen to in the car while they drove. Songs that were important to them and to their friends. And he remembered they had laughed, a lot, giddy with the prospect of moving on to a new part of their lives.

No. He’d never forgotten anything about Katie. If anything, he’d relived his time with Katie over and over, afraid he’d forget something.

“Jensen?”

Jensen started, looking up from the photo to where his grandfather leaned on the door frame.

“I know you loved Katie. I know you still love her. And I also know that if she’d lived, you two would be together now. But she didn’t. And you can’t stop living, too.”

Jensen stared at him, not saying anything. Not knowing what to say.

“And letting go of Elizabeth isn’t the tribute that Katie would have wanted.”

Jensen nodded.

Granddad crossed over to him and clapped him on the shoulder, then turned to leave the room. But he paused again in the doorway.

“Just for the record, I really like Elizabeth.”

Jensen nodded again. He really liked her, too. But that wasn’t the issue. Would she really like him if she knew the truth about him? About how selfish he could be?

Elizabeth’s eyes popped open, a feeling of disorientation filling her. She’d fallen asleep. She blinked around, realizing that she must have dozed off on her sofa.

She lay there for a moment, still trying to get her bearings. Then she remembered her last conversation with Jensen. Or the lack of conversation, and his hard expression as he’d driven away.

How had she managed to fall asleep? Her mind had been racing when she’d lain down. But given that she couldn’t recall lying there for more than a few minutes, she must have fallen asleep almost immediately. Maybe sleep had been her way of dealing with emotional distress, although it never had been.

But it definitely seemed to be now, because all she wanted to do was curl back up against the cushions and fall back into oblivion.

Instead, she eased up to a sitting position, her limbs tired and heavy as if she was struggling through water. Obviously, the nap had done very little to ease her weariness.

But she didn’t give in to the exhaustion that urged her body to lie down. She pushed up to her feet and ambled across the floor, feeling every bit of her hundred and eighty-nine years.

Love isn’t supposed to make you feel old.

The thought barely registered in her brain, when she stumbled to a halt, sagging against the doorframe into the kitchen. But this time it wasn’t her exhausted body affecting her. It was her own thoughts.

Was she really in love with Jensen? How was that even possible? They’d hardly had what anyone would call a conventional relationship. In fact, had they even shared enough to constitute a relationship?

She pushed away from the wall and tottered to the refrigerator. She opened the door, her stomach growling loudly, as if it had a mind of its own.

She really was a mess. Here she was, debating the fact that she could be in love with a man. A human. A person whom she could never have. Even if he wanted her, which didn’t seem likely now. And she was also thinking she was starving. Something was seriously wrong with her. But then, she’d known that for a while.

She grabbed a container of yogurt and headed to the counter to get a bowl and a box of granola.

Fixing her snack, she tried to get her jumbled thoughts into some semblance of order.

“What do you really expect to happen with Jensen?” she asked aloud, as if she expected some greater power to answer for her.

Of course, the room remained silent. Except the quiet skitter of paws as her apparently pet mouse scurried out into the middle of the room.

“As if my life isn’t weird enough,” she said to the small rodent, who reared up on his back feet and watched her, no fear whatsoever in its small, black eyes.

Elizabeth shook her head, then sat down at the table to eat. As she scooped the first spoonful of the concoction into her mouth, she started to list what she’d want to happen versus what could feasibly happen.

“I want Jensen,” she admitted to herself and the mouse. “I–I do love him.”

Saying it aloud, she almost cringed. Loving him was such a bad idea. A doomed, painful, and utterly unobtainable desire. Yet, she couldn’t seem to tell her heart any of this.

“It isn’t a real choice. Just let things end. Just let him go.”

She knew her words were the right ones, but she also knew she couldn’t do it. She knew she had to see him again. Somehow, in such a short time, Jensen had become as necessary to her as water and air. Surely, feeling this way wasn’t normal. It certainly wasn’t healthy. And the truth was, Jensen might have decided he wasn’t interested in her. If his reaction to her questions were any indication, he wasn’t close to being over the blonde in those pictures. Maybe bringing her up had shown him how strange his relationship with Elizabeth was. Maybe he truly did see that Elizabeth wasn’t his type.

And she wasn’t thinking about the two biggest problems, both of which could very well never be overcome. She was a werewolf. And she was mated.

“You cannot love him. Just let him go,” she murmured.

“Now, that, sweet Lizzie, is the best idea I’ve heard in a long while.”