Nobody's Baby But Mine

Chapter Seventeen

J ane’s hands trembled as she stroked almond-scented lotion over every inch of her thirty-four-year-old body, including her rounding belly. Sunlight streamed through her bedroom window, and in the next room Cal’s suitcase lay open on his bed, ready for his late afternoon flight to Austin. She’d made up her mind this morning, and now she wanted to do it before she lost her nerve.

She brushed her hair until it shone, then stared at her naked body in the mirrored wall behind the whirlpool. She tried to imagine how it would look to Cal, but all she could think about was how it wouldn’t look. It wouldn’t look like it belonged to a twenty-year-old centerfold.

With an exclamation of disgust, she stalked back into her bedroom, snatched up her prettiest robe, an apricot silk with a border of deep green laurel leaves at the hem and sleeves, and jabbed her arms into it. She was a physicist, for goodness sakes! A successful professional woman! Since when did she decide to measure her self-worth in terms of her hip size?

And since when could she respect a man who viewed her as only a body? If her measurements didn’t meet Cal’s standards, then it was long past time she found that out. They couldn’t have a lasting relationship if the only thing that kept him interested in her was the mystery of what she looked like naked.

She wanted a real relationship more than she’d ever wanted anything. It hurt too much to be afraid all the caring was one-sided. She needed to stop procrastinating and find out if anything lasting existed between them, or if she were merely another touchdown for Cal Bonner to score.

She heard the faint whir of the garage door sliding open, and her heart jumped into her throat. He was home. Misgivings shot through her. She should have picked a more convenient time, a day when he wasn’t getting ready to fly halfway across the country to a golf tournament. She should have waited until she was calmer, more sure of herself. She should have-

Her cowardice disgusted her and she resisted a nearly irresistible urge to grab every article of clothing in her closet and stuff herself into all of them until she was the size of a polar bear. Today she would begin the process of discovering whether she’d given her heart away in vain.

Taking a deep breath, she secured the robe’s sash in a bow and padded barefoot into the hallway.

“Jane?”

“I’m up here.” As she stopped at the top of the stairs, the thudding of her heart made her feel light-headed.

He appeared in the foyer below. “Guess who I-” He broke off as he looked up and saw her standing above him at one o’clock in the afternoon wearing nothing but a slinky silk robe.

He smiled and tucked the fingers of one hand in the pocket of his jeans. “You sure do know how to welcome a guy home.”

She couldn’t have spoken if she wanted to. Heart pounding, she lifted her hands to the robe’s sash while her heart whispered a silent prayer. Please let him want me for myself and not just because I’m a challenge. Please let him love me just a little bit. Her clumsy fingers tugged on the robe’s sash, and her gaze locked with his as the frail garment parted. With a shrug of her shoulders, she let it slide down her body and fall in a puddle at her feet.

Warm sunlight washed her body, revealing everything: her small breasts and rounding belly, her huge hips and very ordinary legs.

Cal looked dazed. She rested one hand lightly on the banister and moved slowly down the steps, wearing nothing but a fragile veil of almond-scented lotion.

Cal’s lips parted. His eyes glazed.

Her foot touched the bottom step, and she smiled.

He licked his lips as if they had gone very dry and spoke in a voice that held a slight croak. “Turn around, Eth.”

“Not on your life.”

Jane’s head shot up. With a gasp of dismay, she saw the Reverend Ethan Bonner standing in the archway just behind Cal.

He studied her with undisguised interest. “I hope I didn’t show up at a bad time.”

With a strangled moan, she spun around and dashed back up the stairs, all too aware of the view she presented them from behind. She scrambled for her robe and, crumpling it in front of herself, fled to her bedroom, where she slammed the door and sagged against it, more mortified than she had ever been in her life.

It seemed as if only a few seconds passed before she heard a soft rapping.“Honey?” Cal’s voice held the tentative note of a man who knew he only had a few minutes to disarm a ticking bomb.

“I’m not here. Go away.” To her dismay, tears stung her eyes. She had thought about this for so long, placed so much importance on it, and now it had ended in disaster.

The door bumped against her. “Step back now, sweetheart, and let me in.”

She moved away, too dispirited to argue. With the silk robe still crumpled in front of her, she pressed her bare back to the adjacent wall.

He entered gingerly, like a soldier expecting land mines. “You all right, sweetheart?”

“Stop calling me that! I’ve never been so embarrassed.”

“Don’t be, honey. You made poor Eth’s day. Hell, you probably made his whole year, not to mention mine.”

“Your brother saw me naked! I stood there on the stairs, naked as the day I was born, making a complete fool of myself.”

“Now that’s where you’re wrong. There was nothing foolish about the sight of you naked. Why don’t you let me hang that robe up for you before it gets ruined.”

She clutched it more tightly to her midriff. “He was looking at me the whole time, and you didn’t say a word. Why didn’t you warn me we weren’t alone?”

“You sort of took me by surprise, sweetheart. I wasn’t thinking straight. And Eth couldn’t help looking. It’s been years since he’s seen a beautiful naked woman in the flesh. I’d be worried about him if he hadn’t looked.”

“He’s a minister!”

“It was a blessed event. You sure you don’t want me to hang that robe up?”

“You’re making a joke out of this.”

“Absolutely not. Only an insensitive jerk would think something this traumatic was funny. Tell you what. I’ll go downstairs right this minute and kill him before he gets away.”

She refused to smile. Instead, she decided to pout. It was something she’d always wanted to do, but until that moment, she’d never quite been able to figure out how to. Now it seemed to come naturally. “I’ve just received the shock of my life, and you’re treating it as a big joke.”

“I’m a pig.” He drew her a few inches away from the wall and rubbed his hands along her bare spine. “If I were you, I’d tell me to get lost because I don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you.”

“That’s so true.”

“Honey, I’m really getting worried about that pretty robe. Squashed up between us, it’s getting ruined. Don’t you think you should let me have it?”

She pressed her cheek to his chest, enjoying the warm stroking of his hands along her back, but still not quite done with her pout. “I won’t ever be able to look him in the eye again. He already thinks I’m a heathen. This will prove it.”

“True, but Ethan’s had a lifelong attraction to women with sin in their blood. It’s sort of his tragic flaw.”

“He can’t have missed the fact that I’m pregnant.”

“He’ll keep his mouth shut if I ask him to.”

She sighed, giving up her pout. “I’m going to have to go through with this, aren’t I?”

He cupped her cheek and gently stroked his thumb along her jaw. “I’m pretty sure you passed the point of no return when you hit that top step.”

“I suppose.”

“But if you don’t mind, since you’ve waited this long, hold out for just a few seconds more so I can open those curtains the rest of the way and get more light in here.”

She sighed as he made his way to the window. “You’re not going to make this easy, are you?”

“Nope.”He tugged on the cord, letting the bright early-afternoon sunlight flood into the room.

“What about Ethan?”

“My brother’s no fool. He’s long gone by now.”

“You take off your clothes first.”

“No way. You’ve seen me naked dozens of times. It’s my turn.”

“If you think I’m going to be undressed while you lie there fully clothed…”

“That’s exactly what I think.” He walked over to her bed and stacked the pillows against the headboard. Then he kicked off his shoes and stretched out, crossing his arms behind his head like someone about to enjoy a good movie.

She was torn between amusement and irritation. “What if I’ve changed my mind?”

“We both know you’ve got too much pride to back off now. Tell me if you want me to close my eyes.”

“As if you would.” Why had she made such a big deal out of this? For a brilliant woman, she was a complete idiot. Damn him anyway. Why hadn’t he just pulled that robe out of her hands and put an end to all this? But, no. That was too easy. Instead, he lay there with the glint of challenge in those gray eyes, and she knew he was testing her mettle. Her irritation grew. This was his test, not hers. He was the one who had something to prove, and it was time to give him his chance.

She shut her eyes and dropped the robe.

Dead silence.

A dozen thoughts ran through her mind, all of them horrible: he hated her body, he’d fainted from the sight of her hips, her pregnant belly repulsed him.

The last thought lit the fuse to her temper. He was a worm! Lower than a worm! What kind of man was repulsed by the body of the woman carrying his child? He was the lowest form of life on earth.

Her eyes flew open. “I knew it! I knew you’d hate my body!” She slammed her hands on her hips, marched over to the bed, and glared down at him. “Well, for your information, mister, all those cute little sex kittens in your past might have had perfect bodies, but they don’t know a lepton from a proton, and if you think that I’m going to stand here and let you judge me by the size of my hips and because my belly’s not flat, then you’re in for a rude awakening.” She jabbed her finger at him. “This is the way a grown woman looks, buster! This body was designed by God to be functional, not to be stared at by some hormonally imbalanced jock who can only get aroused by women who still own Barbie dolls!”

“Damn. Now I’ve got to gag you.” With one swift motion, he pulled her down on the bed, rolled on top of her, and covered her lips with his own.

His kiss was deep and fierce. It started at her mouth, then traveled on to her breasts, her belly, the backs of her knees, with several thrilling stops in between. Her irritation faded as need took its place.

She wasn’t certain when he got rid of his own clothes because she quickly lost herself in the pleasures of feeling that strong, solid body beneath her hands and lips. For a man of action, he’d always been a leisurely lover, and today was no exception. As the bright sunlight pooled over their bodies, he satisfied his curiosity by exploring every inch of her, turning her this way and that, across the light, toward the light until she begged him.

“Please… I can’t take any more.”

He nuzzled her breast with his lips and his husky breath fell hot over her damp skin. “You’re going to have to take a lot more before we’re through.”

She punished him for his teasing with a torment of her own, using her mouth on him in the way she knew he loved, but the deep, moist taking also served to inflame her own need, so that when he finally reached his limit, she had also reached hers. He covered her with his body and entered her. She immediately climaxed.

“Now see what you’ve done,” she complained when she came back to earth.

His eyes were the deep gray of a spring thunderstorm, his voice smoky with the most delicious sort of menace as he pushed himself deep inside her. “Poor honey. I guess I’ll have to start all over again with you.”

“I’m not interested anymore,” she lied.

“Then close your eyes and think about something else ’til I’m done.”

She laughed and he kissed her, and in no time at all they were lost in each other. She had never felt so free. In shedding her clothes, she had also shed the last of her defenses.

“I love you,” she whispered, as he entered her. “I love you so much.”

He kissed her lips as if he were sipping her words. “Sweet… My sweet. So beautiful…”

Their bodies found a rhythm as ancient as time, and they climbed together through every barrier that separated them. As he loved her with his body, she knew with a fierce certainty that he also loved her with his heart. It could be no other way, and the knowledge catapulted her over the top. Together, they touched creation.

They spent the next few hours in various states of undress. He allowed her to wear a pair of powder blue sandals, but nothing else. She allowed him to wear his black bath towel, but insisted he keep it draped around his neck.

They ate a late lunch in bed, where they played sexual games with the juicy slices of an orange. Afterward, as they showered together, she knelt before him with the water pouring over them and loved him until they both lost control.

They were insatiable. She felt as if she’d been created only to please this man and, in turn, take pleasure only from him. She had never been so well loved, so certain of her powers as a woman. She felt brilliant and strong, soft and giving, utterly fulfilled, and although he hadn’t spoken the words, she knew in the very center of her being that he loved her. Such intensity of emotion couldn’t be coming only from her.

He postponed leaving until he had barely enough time to get to the airport. As the Jeep flew down the driveway, she smiled and hugged herself.

Everything was going to be all right.

The best country western band in Telarosa, Texas, played a lively two-step, but Cal turned down invitations to dance from a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader and a knockout Austin socialite. He was a pretty good dancer, but tonight he wasn’t in the mood, and not just because he’d played a semilousy round of golf in the tournament that day. Depression had settled on him as thick and dark as mountain midnight.

Part of the reason for his depression sidled up next to him, looking a lot more cheerful than a man who’d given up football should ever look. A blond-haired baby girl, who showed every sign of being a future mankiller, snuggled in the crook of his arm, occupying the same space all those game balls used to take up. As far as Cal could tell, the only times Wendy Susan Denton hadn’t been glued in her daddy’s arm were when Bobby Tom had been swinging a golf club or letting her mother nurse her.

“Did Gracie show you the new addition we put on the house?” Bobby Tom Denton said.“With the baby and everything, we decided we wanted more room. Plus, ever since Gracie was elected mayor of Telarosa, she’s needed a home office.”

“Gracie showed me, B.T.” Cal glanced around him, looking for an escape route, but he couldn’t find one. It occurred to him that having spent a few minutes alone with B.T.’s wife, Gracie Snow Denton, had been one of the few pleasures of this weekend. At the time, Bobby Tom had been charming sports’ reporters and carrying Wendy around, so Cal hadn’t been forced to look at that delicate wiggling bundle and see his own future.

To his surprise, Cal liked Wendy’s mom a lot, even though Mayor Gracie wasn’t the type of woman anybody ever figured a legend like Bobby Tom would marry. He’d always hung around with gorgeous bombshells, while Gracie was pretty much a cute BB. She sure was nice, though. Straightforward and genuinely caring about people. Sort of like the Professor, although she didn’t have the Professor’s habit of fading out in the middle of a conversation to ponder some theory only she and a dozen other people on the planet could possibly understand.

“Gracie and I sure had ourselves some fun designing the new addition on the house.”Bobby Tom grinned and pushed his Stetson back on his head. Cal decided Bobby Tom could give Ethan a few lessons when it came to being movie-star handsome, although B.T. had more character lines in his face than the reverend. Still, he was a good-looking son of a gun.

“And did she tell you about the brick street I bought from that town in West Texas? Gracie found out they were tearing it up to put in asphalt, so I went over there and made a deal with them for it. Nothin’ like used brick for beauty. Be sure you take a look at the back of the house and see what we did with it.”

Bobby Tom went on about antique brick and wide-plank flooring as if they were the most important things in the world, while the baby nestled blissfully in the crook of his arm sucking her fists and making goo-goo eyes at her adoring papa. Cal felt as if he were suffocating to death.

Just two hours earlier, Cal had overheard a conversation the great wide receiver was having with Phoebe Calebow, the Stars’ owner, about breast-feeding! It seemed B.T. wasn’t sure Gracie was doing it right. He didn’t think she was taking it seriously enough. Bobby Tom, who’d never taken anything but football seriously, had acted as if breast-feeding a baby was the most important topic in the world!

Even now, the memory made Cal start to sweat. All this time Cal had figured Bobby Tom was just putting on a front, pretending everything was wonderful in his life, but now he knew Bobby Tom believed it. He didn’t seem to realize anything was wrong. The fact that the greatest wide-out in the history of pro ball had turned into a man who was centering his life around a wife and a baby and wideplank flooring was horrifying! Never in a million years would Cal have thought that the legendary Bobby Tom Denton could have forgotten who he was, but that’s exactly what had happened.

To his relief, Gracie came up and drew Bobby Tom away. Just before they walked off, Cal saw the look of utter contentment on his face as he gazed down at his wife, and it felt like a kick delivered to his very own stomach.

He finished off his beer and tried to tell himself he’d never once looked at the Professor like that, but the thing was, he couldn’t be sure. The Professor’d been turning him inside out lately, and who knew what kind of goofy expression he had on his face when he was near her.

If only she hadn’t told him she loved him, he might not feel so panicky. Why did she have to say those words? At first when she’d said them, he’d felt kind of good about it. There was something satisfying about winning the approval of a woman as smart and funny and sweet as the Professor. But that insanity had vanished when he’d hit Telarosa and run head-on into Bobby Tom Denton’s life after football.

Bobby Tom might be happy with all this permanency crap, but Cal knew he couldn’t ever be. There was nothing waiting for him on the other side of playing ball, no charity foundation to run, no honest work he could care about, nothing that would let him hold up his head like a man should. And that, he admitted to himself, was the crux of it.

How could a man be a man without honest work? Bobby Tom had the Denton Foundation, but Cal didn’t have B.T.’s talent for making money multiply. Instead, he pretty much let it sit around in a few accounts here and there and pick up interest. Cal didn’t have any worthy life waiting for him on the other side of the goal line. All the other side of the goal line held for him was exactly nothing.

It also held Jane, and yesterday afternoon when he’d said good-bye to her, he’d known she was no longer thinking about the short term like he was. She was thinking about wide-plank flooring and monogrammed bath towels and where they should settle down when they were old. But he wasn’t even close to being ready for that, and he didn’t want her telling him she loved him! Next thing, she’d be asking him to look at paint chips and pick out wall-to-wall carpeting. Now that she’d said the words, she was going to expect him to do something about it, and he wasn’t ready for that. Not yet. Not when the only worthy work he knew how to do was throw a football. Not now when he was facing the toughest season of his life.

While Cal was playing golf in Texas, Jane took long walks up the mountain and daydreamed about the future. She considered places they might live and ways she could rearrange her schedule so she could occasionally go on road trips with him. On Sunday afternoon she pulled the ugly rose metallic wallpaper from the walls of the breakfast nook and made a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup.

When she awakened on Monday morning to the sound of the shower, she realized Cal had returned some time after she’d fallen asleep last night and was disappointed that he hadn’t slipped into bed with her. In the past few weeks she’d gotten into the habit of keeping him company while he shaved, but the bathroom door remained firmly shut, and it wasn’t until she made her way to the kitchen for breakfast that she finally met up with him.

“Welcome home.” She spoke softly and waited for that moment he would take her in his arms. Instead, he muttered something unintelligible.

“How was your golf game?” she asked.

“Crap.”

That explained his bad mood.

He carried his cereal bowl over to the sink and splashed it full of water. As he turned, he stabbed one finger toward the bare walls of the breakfast nook where she’d stripped off the wallpaper. “I don’t like coming home and finding my house torn apart.”

“You can’t have liked those awful roses.”

“It doesn’t matter whether I liked them or not. You should have talked to me before you took it on yourself to start redecorating my house.”

The tender lover she’d spent the weekend daydreaming about had disappeared, and uneasiness crept through her. She’d begun to think of this awful place as her house, too, but obviously he didn’t regard it the same way. She drew a deep breath and repressed her hurt as she struggled to speak reasonably. “I didn’t think you’d mind.”

“Well, I do.”

“All right. We can pick out some new paper. I’ll be happy to put it up for you.”

A look of abject horror crossed his face. “I don’t pick out wallpaper, Professor! Not ever! And neither do you, so just leave it alone.” He snatched up his car keys from the counter.

“You want to leave the wall like that?”

“You bet I do.”

She debated whether she was going to tell him to go to hell or cut him some slack. Despite her hurt, she decided on the later. She could always tell him to go to hell later. “I made some homemade chicken noodle soup. Will you be back in time for dinner?”

“I don’t know. You’ll see me when you see me. Don’t try to tie me down, Professor. I won’t have it.” With that, he disappeared into the garage.

She sat down on one of the kitchen chairs and told herself not to overdramatize what had just happened. He was jet-lagged, upset about performing badly in the golf tournament in front of his friends, and that had made him surly. There was no reason to believe his withdrawal had anything to do with what had happened between them the day he’d left. Despite this morning’s churlish display, Cal was a decent man. He wasn’t going to turn against her just because she’d taken off her clothes in broad daylight and told him she loved him.

She made herself eat half a piece of toast while memories of all the reasons she’d been reluctant to let him see her naked came back to her. What if her fears had proved correct? What if she’d stopped being a challenge to him, and he was no longer interested in having her in his life? Two days ago, she’d been so certain he loved her, but now she wasn’t sure. About anything.

She realized she was brooding and got up, but instead of going to work, she found herself wandering through the house. The telephone rang, two quick tones that indicated a call was coming in on Cal’s business line, which she never answered.

As she passed the door of his study, the machine clicked on, and she heard a voice she remembered all too well. “Cal, it’s Brian. Look, I have to talk to you right away. While I was on vacation, I figured out how we can do this. Nothing like a white sand beach to unlock the brain cells; I’m just sorry it took so long. Anyway, I met with someone over the weekend to make sure it was possible, and it looks like we have a winner. But if we’re going to act on it, we should do it now.” He paused and his voice dropped. “I didn’t want to use your fax for obvious reasons, so I sent a report to you express mail on Saturday that explains everything. You should get it this morning. Call me as soon as you read it.” He chuckled. “Happy anniversary.”

She remembered Cal’s attorney, Brian Delgado, all too well: greedy eyes, arrogant carriage, disdainful manner. Something about the call disturbed her, probably that gloating note she’d heard in his voice. What an unpleasant man.

She glanced at her watch and saw that it was nine o’clock. She’d already wasted too much time this morning brooding, and she wasn’t going to add Brian Delgado’s call to her worry list. Returning to the kitchen, she poured herself a mug of coffee and carried it to her room, where she turned on her computer and logged in.

The date flashed, and the hair on the back of her neck prickled. For a moment she didn’t understand why, but then she finally took in what she was seeing, and it came to her. May 5. She and Cal had been married two months ago today. Happy anniversary.

She pressed her fingertips to her lips. Was it a coincidence? She remembered Delgado’s gloating. I didn’t want to use your fax for obvious reasons… What obvious reason? The fact that she might read this mysterious report before Cal saw it? She jumped up from her chair and went down to the study, where she sat behind the desk replaying the message and thinking.

Shortly before ten, the FedEx carrier arrived. She signed for the package, then carried it into Cal’s study. Without a moment’s hesitation, she ripped it open.

The report was several pages long and contained numerous typos, indicating that Delgado had probably prepared it himself. No wonder. Heartsick, she read every damning detail of Delgado’s proposal and tried to absorb the fact that all the time Cal had been making love to her, he’d also been plotting revenge.

Over an hour passed before she could bring herself to go upstairs and pack. She called Kevin and asked him to come over. When he saw her packed suitcases, he immediately began to protest, but she refused to listen. Only after she threatened to carry the computer downstairs herself did he finally do as she wanted and load it into her car. Afterward, she made him leave, then she settled down to wait for Cal to come home. The old Jane would have slipped away, but the new one needed to face him down for the last time.