Northanger Abbey

14

The following morning Cat was in a ferment of apprehension. The weather was fair; a thin layer of cloud kept the sun at bay, making it perfect for hill-walking. But that would also make it perfect for driving to Glasgow with the top down. Since Bella had not given up texting her till after midnight, Cat was by no means convinced that the others wouldn’t turn up on the doorstep for a final attempt at persuading her away from the Tilneys.

But nine o’clock struck and Cat’s vigil by the window was rewarded by the sight of a Mercedes drawing up outside and Ellie exiting the passenger door. Cat grabbed her daypack and raced down the stairs, meeting Ellie halfway. They hugged and filled the stairwell with gleeful teenage exclamations.

Henry was behind the wheel of the Mercedes and although she feared momentarily that she might have to endure another bout of extreme male driving, Cat’s anxiety turned out to be groundless. Henry drove like a perfectly sane person, so it was possible for his passengers to exchange remarks that didn’t include squeals of terror.

The car park on Queen’s Drive was almost empty, which boded well for their walk. ‘I do hate crowds when I’m out walking,’ Ellie said. ‘It defeats the object of getting out of the city if the hill paths are as busy as Princes Street.’

‘If you don’t like crowds, you should avoid Dorset in the school holidays,’ Cat said with feeling. ‘Ever since they christened it the Jurassic Coast, it’s mobbed with small boys hunting dinosaur fossils. And the rest of their families filling the beaches with all the paraphernalia of middle-class leisure. Windbreaks and portable barbeques. Bloody boules and beach cricket. You can’t move for folding chairs and boogie boards and wetsuits drying on the shingle.’

‘You make it sound quite lovely,’ Henry teased as they set off up the main path leading to the gap between the crags.

‘It is lovely. Just not when the tourist hordes descend. Come and visit, both of you, and see it for yourself. The coast is truly dramatic.’

‘But what about the Piddle Valley? What’s that like?’ Ellie giggled. ‘Is the River Piddle a gushing torrent or a feeble dribble?’

‘Ha, ha,’ Cat said sarcastically. ‘It’s an insignificant little river, but the countryside is exactly what English chocolate-box scenery is meant to be.’

‘We shall have to come and see for ourselves,’ Henry said. They were silent for a while, saving their breath for the steep uphill climb that brought them to the top of Salisbury Crags, with its panoramic view of the city, the Firth of Forth and the hills of Fife beyond. They paused for a breather and Henry took the opportunity to tell Cat something of the three-hundred-and-fifty-million-year history of the volcanic landscape.

‘It’s amazing, somewhere so wild and yet so close to the city centre. When I turn my back on the city and look up to the summit, I feel like I could be in the heart of the Highlands,’ Cat said.

‘I love it up here,’ Ellie said. ‘Whenever we’re in Edinburgh I always try to sneak away and come up, even if I’ve only got time to come this far.’

‘I’ve been reading the Hebridean Harpies books and somehow, being here in this landscape makes the books even more alive to me,’ Cat said. She cast a sideways look at Henry. ‘I don’t suppose you read novels like that, do you?’

‘Why would you think that?’

‘Because they’re not highbrow enough for someone like you?’

‘I hate literary snobbery, Cat. Anyone who can’t take pleasure in a good story well told is the worse off for it. I’ve read all of Morag Fraser’s novels – Ellie turned me on to them a couple of years ago. They’re real page-turners, and they’re genuinely scary. I know some blokes think they’re soppy girls’ books, but that’s because they’ve never actually sat down and read one.’

‘He’s not lying, Cat,’ Ellie said. ‘When the last one arrived in the post at Northanger, I was out with friends, and he opened the parcel. I got back that evening to find him curled up in his chair, totally gripped. I had to wait till he’d finished before I could read my own book.’

‘I’m a vile thief,’ Henry admitted. ‘But I didn’t think she’d be back so early. I thought I could finish it by morning and wrap it all up again like new and she’d be none the wiser. So now do you have a better opinion of my taste in books?’

Cat laughed in delight. ‘I shall never again be ashamed of reading the Harpies. But my brother despises the whole category of fiction, and I assumed he was a typical bloke.’

‘I believe it’s true that women read more novels than men. Certainly they buy more and they borrow more from libraries. But it may be that their brothers and boyfriends and husbands can’t be bothered picking them out. It’s like food,’ Ellie said. ‘They’d complain soon enough if the cupboard was bare and there was no dinner on the table. But they don’t want to come to the supermarket with us. They just expect food to turn up. Maybe it’s the same with novels.’

‘You girls have such a low opinion of us men, I’m amazed any of you ever agree to go out with us,’ Henry said, setting off up the escarpment.

‘Well, I think it’s cool that you like the Harpies books,’ Cat said, walking alongside him.

‘Cool?’ Henry groaned. ‘Meaning what? Delightful? Fashionable?’

‘Henry, stop it. Cat’s not your sister, don’t be so sarcastic with her,’ Ellie complained. ‘He’s so bloody pedantic, he’s always on my case about the way I use language. Father’s got an excuse, he’s from a different generation, but Henry’s just a fully paid-up member of the awkward squad.’

‘What’s wrong with “cool”? Surely what matters is that people understand you? And everybody understands “cool”,’ Cat said.

‘Very true. And this is a very cool day and we’re taking a very cool walk and you two are very cool young ladies. Man, it’s such a cool word. It works hard for a living, that’s for sure. Once, cool referred to the temperature, either literally or metaphorically. But now it’s made half the language of description redundant. Nobody thinks twice before they open their mouth. Everything is “cool”,’ he said, using his fingers to approximate inverted commas in the air.

Cat laughed. ‘That thing with the air commas? That’s not cool, Henry.’

‘Yes, Henry, you are definitely uncool. Whereas we are the very epitome of cool. So, Cat, what do you read apart from Morag Fraser?’

‘I love novels that transport me into their world. When I was a kid, I adored Harry Potter and the Narnia books. But now I read all sorts. The last thing I read before I came away was The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. And in the car on the way up, we listened to Dracula.’

‘The original? Wow, I’ve never actually read that all the way through.’

‘It’s amazing. People are very sniffy about vampires, but I think they’re incredible. They’re brave and driven. They can be really heroic because they’re always outnumbered. And they’re so passionate,’ Cat added enthusiastically.

‘Oh, I know. They’re so edgy. And you can’t help falling for them.’

‘Mmm,’ Cat said dreamily. ‘I love all that. But there’s one kind of book I totally can’t get on with, and that’s those solemn history books. I think history could be much more interesting if it was about the unseen as well as the seen.’

Walking behind them, Henry shook his head in bemusement. ‘I wish I knew what you meant by that,’ he sighed. ‘History is what tells us who we are.’

Cat turned to face him, walking backwards. ‘Then why does it have to be so dull? I sometimes think the writers of history books sit down to write with the sole intention of torturing little boys and girls.’

‘Isn’t that the point of little boys and girls? To be tormented by their elders and betters? How else are we supposed to have fun?’ Henry asked. ‘But, Cat, really, you can’t believe that’s what serious historians are about? Surely you must admit that they’re there to instruct us? Or do you think that instruction and torture are the same thing?’

‘Here we go,’ Ellie groaned.

By now they were at the base of the final steep climb that led to the summit. ‘I’ve seen the look on my poor mother’s face when she’s trying to cram some knowledge into our thick heads. And I’ve been on the receiving end of that cramming enough to know that torture and instruction can be synonymous.’

‘But if we didn’t allow that torture to happen, you wouldn’t have learned to read. Think how much pleasure you’ve had over the years from that little bit of torture. Consider – if you hadn’t been forced to undergo those terrible hours, Morag Fraser would have toiled in vain.’ He spread his hands as if there was no possible comeback. ‘Game, set and match, I think.’

‘I told you, once he starts there is no stopping him. He could argue black is white,’ Ellie said.

‘That’s why I’m such a good lawyer.’

Again they fell silent as they scrambled onwards. Finally, out of breath and sweating, they reached the summit and stood with their hands on their knees getting their breath back and taking in the glorious views. Then Henry stood up and made a frame with his hands. ‘This would make a great opening sequence for a movie. You start off up here, then you zoom slowly in, getting closer and closer to a segment of the city, then to a building then to a window then to a single room.’

Ellie joined in what was obviously a game they’d played before. ‘And in that room ... a vampire.’

Henry sighed. ‘It’s always a vampire with you. What about a zombie, for a change?’

‘Or a murderer, planning his next evil crime,’ Cat said, desperate to make a mark.

‘Maybe. But look, check out this framing shot over here. If you set up the camera right here and went in tight on those rooftops, you could do something really dramatic.’

‘And now you know Henry’s deep dark secret,’ Ellie said. ‘He actually wants to be a film director, not a boring old lawyer. But Father wouldn’t hear of it.’

‘Do you have to do everything your father tells you?’ Cat said. ‘My dad hardly ever puts his foot down because he knows we generally don’t pay the least attention.’

A muscle tightened in Henry’s jaw. ‘My father takes the view that anyone who lives under his roof plays by his rules. I wanted to go to film school but he refused point-blank to support me. So I went into the law. I haven’t given up my dreams, though. I’ve still got plans.’

It was clear that he didn’t want to discuss the subject further, so Cat sat down on a rock and took a packet of biscuits out of her daypack. She handed them round, casting about for something else to say. ‘I heard there’s something truly shocking brewing in London.’

Ellie looked startled. ‘What kind of thing?’

‘I’m not sure. Only that it’s going to be more shocking and gruesome than anything we’ve ever encountered.’

Ellie’s eyes widened and she clutched her brother’s arm. ‘Oh my God. How did you hear about it?’

‘I got a text from somebody I know. There was a link to a video clip. It looked like it was made on a hand-held camera in a cellar. The guy was talking about murder and child abduction and monsters in the streets.’

Ellie squealed. ‘In London? My God, how can you be so calm about it? Why is there nothing on the news? What are the police doing about it?’

Henry was struggling not to smile. ‘Not a damn thing. There must be murder and abduction, or what justification would the police have for their existence?’

‘I don’t believe you. The police wouldn’t just stand by while such terrible things happened.’

It dawned on Cat that Ellie had misunderstood her. ‘No, Ellie—’

‘Cat’s not talking about reality, are you?’

‘No, it’s a new TV series. They made these viral marketing clips that look like they’re real underground news reports, but they’re just trails for a new Channel 4 series.’

Henry laughed at his sister’s discomfiture, but not unkindly. ‘Bless you, El. You’ve got such an imagination, you should be writing this stuff yourself. One word from you, Cat, and she’s picturing a mob of thousands assembling in Hyde Park, the Bank of England attacked, the Treasury firebombed, the streets of London flowing with blood as the crazed zombies march on Parliament. But never fear, sister dear, before you know it, the gallant Captain Freddie Tilney will be driving his tank down Whitehall to save the Prime Minister and the Cabinet.’

Ellie punched him on the arm and Henry howled in mock-pain, skipping away from her. ‘She’s not a complete simpleton, Cat. Truly. And I do actually have a very high opinion of the intelligence of women. I think you have a far better understanding of human behaviour than men do, and you apply it in the most subtle of ways. We are putty in your hands.’

‘You see?’ Ellie said. ‘He can’t even pay a compliment without being facetious.’

‘Facetious? Moi? Never.’

‘Oh, shut up, Henry. I want Cat to be my friend, so don’t put her off. Any more of your silliness and I’ll push you off Salisbury Crags on the way down.’

He poked his tongue out at her. ‘And I will simply fly through the air on my vampire wings and wait for you at the bottom.’

Cat’s heart gave a little jolt. Henry’s manner was so playful that she had struggled all morning to know whether he was serious. And here he was, talking of being a vampire. Was he merely joking or was this some bravura double-bluff calculated to divert suspicion from his true nature? The more time she spent with the Tilneys, the more off-kilter she felt. Was that to do with her own emotions or their behaviour? And if it was them, was their conduct deliberately unsettling?

In a bid to change the subject, Cat picked up on Henry’s mention of their brother. ‘Tell me about the gallant Captain Tilney,’ she said.

Ellie and Henry exchanged looks. ‘He’s half a dozen years older than me,’ Henry said. ‘He was sent off to boarding school before I even remember him. We went to different schools too, so we’ve never been close. We don’t actually have much in common.’

‘Father says he’s a good soldier, according to his commanding officers. He’s done two tours in Afghanistan and he’s just come back on leave. We don’t actually see very much of him at Northanger,’ Ellie added. ‘He finds us all a bit dull, I think.’

There was an awkward silence then Henry asked Cat what films she’d enjoyed recently. It was a more comfortable subject for all of them and their tongues were hardly still as they made their way down the extinct volcano, talking animatedly about films and TV shows they loved and loathed. Happily, it seemed that Cat shared the taste of both Tilneys, which only added to her conviction that there was already a special bond between them.

Her pleasure in the excursion was made complete when, instead of dropping her off in Queen Street, Henry left the car at their mews garage and all three of them returned to the Allens’ flat, where Susie bustled round feeding them sushi and cheeses and fruit chutneys bought that morning from the finest little deli she’d discovered on Rose Street. The walk had given them an appetite and they fell on the generous spread as if they hadn’t eaten for days. ‘You are completely spoiling us, Susie,’ Henry said. ‘I think you’re jealous because we cut such a fine figure on the dance floor and you’re trying to slow us down. Either that or you’re a secret cannibal, fattening us up for the pot.’

‘Excuse my brother, Susie,’ Ellie said wearily. ‘He can be serious about nothing at all.’

Susie, who had looked puzzled at Henry’s words, smiled uncertainly. ‘I’m sure he means no harm.’

‘Don’t bank on it,’ Ellie muttered to Cat. Then she spoke up again. ‘Susie, we were wondering if you could spare Cat tomorrow evening? We’d like her to come round for supper.’

This was the best of news to Cat, who had a moment of delicious anticipation before Susie said it was no problem, because she knew someone who would be very happy to have Cat’s ticket for an evening of traditional French folk songs. So even though the Tilneys left after lunch, Cat’s disappointment at their departure did not run too deep since they were to meet again so soon.

She had more reason to suppose her luck had changed later that afternoon. She was standing in line with Susie to get into the afternoon show at the Stand comedy club when they ran into Jess Thorpe and a couple of her friends. ‘Hey, Cat,’ Jess said. ‘Wassup?’

‘Hey, Jess. So, did Bella and Johnny go off to Glasgow after all?’

Jess rolled her eyes in what appeared to be the Thorpe family’s all-purpose gesture. ‘They went really early, like, around eight. Woke the whole house up. Your bro and Bella, and Johnny took Claire. How pitiful is that, having to take your kid sister on a day out?’

‘Yeah, but it’s nice for Bella to have a bit of female company.’

‘You think? When Jamie’s around, it’s like Bella’s deaf and blind to the rest of us. But Claire wanted to go. Something about some haunted castle or whatever.’

‘Didn’t you fancy it?’

Jess pretended to stick two fingers down her throat. ‘No thanks. Like I said to Em and Soph here, I’d rather stick needles in my eyes than hang out in some dreary ruined castle.’

Luckily Cat was absolved from further conversation because the door crew allowed them inside. But she was glad to know the trip to Glasgow had gone ahead. She sincerely hoped there had been no disasters with James’s car and that they’d had as much fun on their day out as she had. That way, James and Bella might have forgiven her absence by the time they returned.

A girl could always hope.