Nova and Quinton: No Regrets

Chapter 13

Quinton

It’s strange having Nova here, but not as strange as I thought it would be. In fact, despite my nervousness, it feels strangely right having her by my side. I wonder what this means. That it doesn’t feel as wrong as it used to.

But the settled feeling leaves me a little as we get onto a bus and head toward town to see the Space Needle. I keep thinking how Lexi and I used to do this and how I shouldn’t be doing it with Nova, yet as I sit by her, holding her hand, I can’t seem to bring myself to put any sort of space between us.

“Seattle’s a lot bigger than I thought,” she says as she observes the city through the window. She has her phone out and every once in a while she records the stuff around us, always wanting to see everything through a lens.

The city is extra busy right now, being that it’s the day before Christmas. More people walk the streets, carrying bags. Lights sparkle around windows and everything seems to shine cheerfully.

“It’s definitely no Maple Grove,” I tell her, leaning over her shoulder to stare up at the buildings with her. Her vanilla scent floods my body and I can’t help it, I brush my lips across the side of her head. Just a soft kiss, to still the craving to smother her with passionate kisses.

“It’s so tall and busy,” she says, leaning into me and sighing contentedly. “And shiny. Like a big mirror… and all the Christmas stuff… I swear I can actually feel Christmas in the air.”

“I used to draw it all the time,” I divulge, turning my legs inward in the seat when a lady on crutches comes hobbling by. “I even won an art contest with one of my drawings when I was a senior in high school.”

She turns her head and we’re so close our lips brush against each other. “I want to see some of your sketches while I’m here. Ones that you used to draw.”

My brows furrow as I realize that I think I might be able to handle that. “You know what? I think I’d like you to see them too… I’d like you to see that I wasn’t always so tripped out and could draw stuff with meaning behind it.”

“I think everything you draw has meaning behind it,” she says, the sunlight illuminating her greenish-blue eyes. “Some of the meaning is just sadder.”

Her words hit me in the heart. She’s so understanding and all I want to do is kiss her. Without any warning I press my lips to hers, startling her. But she doesn’t pull back, falling into the kiss, opening her mouth as I slide my tongue deep inside. I’m sure we have an audience, but I don’t care as I lean into her, forcing her to lean against the bus wall.

And that’s how we stay until we reach our stop, almost missing it because we’re so consumed in each other. We get off holding hands, the icy air just a bit more bearable as we walk side by side.

“Did you come here a lot?” she asks, angling her head back to look up at the top of the Space Needle stretching toward the sky as she raises her camera phone to get a shot of it.

I nod, not looking at the building, but at her. The awe in her expression is more fascinating than anything else going on around me. The way her eyes look crystal blue in the shadows, but greener when she leans into the light. The way strands of her hair move with the wind and the way she’s biting her bottom lip nervously. Watching her makes me still inside and I wonder if this is how it could have always been with her if my mind had been undiluted enough to be aware of it. Although I feel high on her right now. Nova high. I wonder if that’s okay.

“What?” she asks, suddenly looking at me, and our gazes fasten.

I shake my head, still not looking away from her. “It’s nothing. You’re just beautiful. That’s all.”

Her cheeks turn a little pink and it’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. It helps override the terror affection term I just told her

“Thanks,” Nova says shyly.

I smile. “Come on,” I say, pulling her toward the entrance before she can get too embarrassed. “It’s much better at the top.”

She laughs and lets me guide her up the stairs that lead to the entrance doors, where we pay our way in and take the elevators to the observation area. The wind feels like ice from all the way up here and stings my cheeks. We’re so high up it feels like I’m flying and I hold on to Nova while she records the view, staying behind her with my hands on her hips, afraid to let her go as she leans forward and glances at the view below.

“The city looks so small from up here,” she notes, then glances over my shoulder with her phone still up in front of her. “I feel like I’m a bird or something.”

Smiling, I span my arms out and bring hers along with mine, pretending we have wings. She laughs, turning back around and redirecting her attention to the view and her camera. We stand there silently for the longest time, watching people come and go, the air getting colder and the sky darker. I think about asking her if she’s ready to go, but I sense she’s having some sort of moment so I remain silent, wondering what she’s thinking and if she’ll ever share it.

“Landon was afraid of heights,” she says unexpectedly, gazing straight ahead as she continues to record. “We couldn’t even ride the Ferris wheel when the carnival came to town.”

“Lexi was afraid of bugs,” I say quietly, resting my chin on top of her head, my fingers delving into her sides because I have to hold on to something, otherwise I’m pretty sure I’m going to collapse from the adrenaline and emotions barreling through me. “I had to squish one every time she saw it.”

“I’m not a fan of them either,” she admits. “But that’s not what I fear the most.”

“What do you fear the most?” I dare ask, tensing as I wait for her answer.

“Life,” she says, looking over her shoulder at me. “And what lies ahead for me. You?”

My scar burns on my chest, feeling like it is splitting open, sending pain all over my body, but despite it, I manage to say, “The past and forgetting it.”

She nods, understanding, and I’m glad I don’t have to explain it to her. It makes things easier, unlike with my therapist, who wants me to explain everything. Nova gets me without my having to explain everything, and when I do explain things to her, I feel terrified but better. God, it’s amazing what she’s done for me. How lucky I am that she’s here with me.

“Landon said he was tired of life,” she whispers. “And that he couldn’t find a point of living it anymore, so he just gave up… it always feels like everyone’s giving up all the time and I don’t understand why.”

“Because it’s easier,” I say. “Than living and fighting to survive.”

“But it’s worth it?” she asks with so much hope in her eyes it makes me feel the slightest bit of hope, too. “Right?”

“I didn’t used to think so… I used to think that the only way to deal with everything was to give up, but now…” I trail off, searching her eyes. “But now it’s not so easy anymore.”

She presses her lips together, turns toward me, and then slips her fingers through mine. “Good. Because I don’t want you to give up. I need you here with me.” Then she stands on her tiptoes and kisses me and for a moment everything seems perfect. I’m not sure if I deserve it or not. If it’s right or wrong, but regardless I’m selfishly taking it at the moment because I want her, more than anything.