One Day at a Time

“How did it look?” he asked her, as he took off his jacket and sprawled into a chair with a smile at her. “It felt like shit in the beginning, and I still think the running scene looks stupid, but the director won't give it up. I liked the scene under the arches a lot better. It would look better too if they could get her tits under control.” Coco couldn't believe he was saying that to her after what she'd just read. He had suddenly become someone she didn't know. “I take it you didn't like it,” he said, looking worried, misinterpreting her silence as criticism of his performance, which upset him even more. He was a perfectionist about his work.

“I thought the scenes were fine,” she said quietly, sitting down in a chair across from him. She didn't know whether to tell him what she thought of him now, or wait until they got back to the hotel after work.

“Then what didn't you like?” Her face was suddenly white and drawn. He valued her opinion now, just as he had when he asked her to read the script.

“Actually, what I didn't like a hell of a lot,” she said, deciding to get it over with now and not wait, so she could go back to the hotel and leave before he finished work that night, “was the article someone just handed me on the set.”

“What article?” He looked blank, which disturbed Coco even more. He had always been honest with her, or so she thought, and now he was playing dumb.

“I can't remember the name of the magazine, I don't usually read that kind of crap. It was an article about the affair you and Madison are apparently having on the set. You might have mentioned that before I came over. It would have saved me the trip.”

“I see,” he said, as he dropped his head and stared at his feet, and then he stood up with a serious look. “I can imagine how you feel about it. If you don't mind, I'd like you to come with me for a minute. Am I assuming correctly that the person who gave you the magazine was one of the lovely people in Miss Allbright's entourage?”

“I think so. She never introduced herself. But I saw her arrive on the set with her.”

“Wonderful. That would be either her sister, one of her fourteen assistants, or her best friend from high school, all of whom arrived by private jet from their favorite trailer park.” He had opened the door to the trailer then and gestured for Coco to follow him. She hesitated for a moment, but he looked so ominous suddenly that she didn't argue with him. She walked down the steps and under the arches to a similar trailer nearby, considerably larger than his.

He knocked on the door, and without waiting for an answer, he opened the door, and pulled Coco in behind him. The trailer was full of people, and reeked of cheap perfume and smoke. There were people laughing, others on cell phones, wigs on stands, and she noticed the woman who had shown her the magazine, who smiled at Coco as they walked by her. Leslie walked through them to a room at the back, where he knew Madison hung out to get away from the others. He knocked, and at the sound of her voice, he yanked the door open, and stood glaring at her. She was sitting on a couch with a man wearing an undershirt and jeans, and his arms and chest were covered with tattoos. She looked up in surprise when she saw Leslie.

“Hi there,” she said with an innocent look. “Something wrong?” He had been fine on the set with her that morning.

“You could say that. One of your girlfriends showed Coco that disgusting piece in the fan magazine you invited here last week in order to fuck our lives up.”

“I didn't invite them,” she said innocently. “My press agent did. I can't control who he contacts.”

“The hell you can't.” He turned to Coco, looking absolutely livid. “Miss Allbright, or her press agent, as the case may be, issued an invitation to the sleaziest fan rags in the business to come over here and take our pictures. And someone in the process, we don't know who of course, mentioned to them that Madison and I are having an affair, in order to make them more interested in making the trip over. As it so happens,” he said, turning his furious gaze from Coco to his costar, “I am not having an affair with her, never have, and don't intend to, in spite of her remarkable figure and fabulous implants and extraordinarily beautiful legs,” he said, spitting the words out. “As it so happens, she is married to her hairdresser, who is this gentleman here”—he pointed to the man with the tattoos for Coco's benefit—“who works on every movie with her because it's in her contract, and he keeps a firm and loving eye on her. And furthermore, although it is meant to be the darkest secret on the set in order to keep her sexy image hale and hearty, at my expense in this case, she happens to be five months pregnant. And coincidentally it's an equally dark secret that she's happily married. Now that we've cleared that up, and you've screwed my life up with that bullshit you fed to the press, perhaps you'd like to explain to my friend here that what I'm saying is accurate. And by the way…” He turned to Coco again. “The photographs they took of the two of us kissing were from a scene we shot last week. I don't know who the hell they paid to get on the set, unless it was one of your people,” he said nastily to Madison. “But I don't need that kind of publicity at the moment. I happen to be in love with this woman, and neither she nor I needs or wants the headache from that kind of rumor.” There was practically steam coming out of his ears as Madison looked at him uncomfortably, and her hairdresser husband cleared his throat and walked out of the room. He didn't look the least bit jealous of Leslie, and apparently he had nothing to add to what he'd said. He smiled at Coco on the way out, and went to join the flock of hangers-on in the other room. Fights between costars were commonplace, and Madison got in a lot of them. Her husband preferred not to get involved and kept a low profile since their marriage was a secret. She handled her battles herself.

“Now come on, Leslie. You have to admit, that kind of thing always spikes interest in a film.” Madison smiled at Coco and saw the look of amazement in her eyes. Coco had never been in the midst of anything like it. “And if you tell anyone I'm pregnant, I'll kill you,” she said to Coco in an even tone. It was why she had worn a coat over the tight red dress. The only person who was supposed to know was the woman handling wardrobe. Madison had signed the contract to do the film before getting pregnant, and she didn't want to lose the part. Instead, Leslie had almost lost Coco.

“Do me a favor,” he said to Madison as he glared at her, “we have to work together for the next few months. This is a job for both of us. Try not to destroy my personal life for me while we do it. I won't screw with your life. Don't screw with mine.”

“All right, all right,” she said, getting up from the couch, and Coco could see the faint bulge under her dressing gown. She was wearing a tight corset under her dresses, but she took it off whenever she was in the trailer. “Just don't tell anyone that I'm married and pregnant. It's bad for my image. Sex symbols aren't supposed to be married or pregnant.”

“How are you going to explain the baby when it comes?” Leslie asked, fascinated by her lies, and Coco could see he didn't like her. It was easy to see why.

“All the world needs to know about the baby is that it's my sister's,” Madison said coolly.

“And where are you planning to have it? Under a cabbage leaf somewhere?”

“That's all worked out,” she said, as she looked at Coco. Madison was beautiful, but Coco realized now that there was nothing nice about her. All she cared about was her career. And who she rolled over in the process was of no interest to her whatsoever. “Honey,” she said to Coco, “take him back to the trailer and give him a blow job. He needs to relax before our next shot.” With that, Leslie propelled Coco out the door before she could say a word, and through the mob at the front of the trailer. Coco followed him back to his own trailer, and looked at him with deep regret in her eyes. It had been an awkward scene for both of them. Nothing would have embarrassed Madison Allbright, or ever had.

“Leslie, I'm sorry,” she said mournfully, “I just thought…. when I saw that magazine…”

“I know. Don't worry about it,” he said, sitting down heavily in a chair. He still looked upset. “There's no way that you could know that was all manufactured bullshit. That bitch would sell out her own mother, if she ever had one, to make a buck, and hype a film.” It was an ugly side of the business that Coco had never experienced firsthand. “But you also have to know,” he said, giving her a warning look, “that I'm sure that's not the last time it will happen. Madison is a sneaky little bitch, and she'll pull another stunt like that again. It can happen on any movie, innocently or intentionally. You just have to know that I'm not going to do something like that to you. I have too much respect for you to do that, and besides, I love you. If I get involved with another woman, or want to, I'll tell you about it, and get out of your life. You're not going to be reading about it in fan magazines or the tabloids. As badly behaved as I may have been in the past, I've never done anything like that to anyone, and I certainly don't intend to start now. I'm sorry it upset you,” he said, reaching out to her, and pulling her down on his lap. Coco looked mortally embarrassed.

“I'm sorry I made such a stink. I didn't mean to cause a problem between the two of you.” It wasn't going to make it any easier for him to work with her, but in a way, he was glad he had made things clear to her. If Madison was going to start rumors about having affairs on the set, she was going to have to start them with someone else. He had no intention of blowing his relationship with Coco over her.

“I love you. And why on God's earth would I want a bimbo like that?” She had suddenly looked like what she was, in the midst of all her sleazy assistants and sidekicks. She looked like a cheap tramp. “That's the kind of thing that happens in this business, Coco. It's a constant rumor mill, and most of the people you work with will climb all over you or stab you in the back to get ahead. It's very rare to work on a film with decent people who won't sell you out whenever they get the chance. You may have to get used to that.”

“I'll try.” It had been an eye-opener to see what kind of operator his costar was, and how Leslie had handled it. And then suddenly he laughed.

“I guess I kind of lost it for a minute there.” They had both noticed how her husband had slithered out of the room. “I did think the suggestion about the blow job was rather good though. What do you think?” He glanced at his watch and then back at her. “Do we have time?” He was only teasing, and they both laughed. And then he looked at her more seriously. “Round one. You've just had your first trial by fire. Welcome to show business.”

“I think I flunked abysmally,” Coco said, still looking somewhat shaken by it. She had been ready to walk out on him when she thought he was having an affair with Madison. What if she had left Venice without talking to him? She had learned a valuable lesson.

“On the contrary,” he said, looking proudly at her. “I think you did surprisingly well. We survived it, and I don't think the evil little witch will screw with us again.” Leslie made them sound like a team against the world. But they both knew that Madison might not, but sooner or later someone else would. Coco was beginning to understand that it was the nature of his business. People used each other at every chance, in every way they could.

They ate lunch together quietly in the trailer, talking about the film and the things Coco wanted to see in Venice, and as they did, she suddenly realized that her sister had been wrong. She had come up against just the kind of thing Jane had said she would. And contrary to what Jane had predicted, she hadn't collapsed like a house of cards, and Leslie had stood by her and been true. She'd been shaken by it, but was not destroyed. Better yet, the fan magazine had been wrong too. So far so good.

Chapter 16

Coco spent several hours on the set watching Leslie film every day. And she had noticed tension between him and Madison several times. Sometimes it increased the electric atmosphere of the movie, and at other times, it made their love scenes almost painful, and surely not easy for him. He didn't like her and it showed. But they had to work together anyway, and neither of them wanted it to impact the film. It made Coco realize again that this was acting, it wasn't love. Leslie was astonishingly good at what he did. More so than his costar, who constantly forgot her lines.

And when Coco got tired of watching them film, she spent hours wandering around Venice. Leslie teased her that she had been in every church in the city. She went to the cloisters of San Gregorio, Santa Maria della Salute, and Santa Maria dei Miracoli. She spent hours exploring the Accademia di Belle Arti, the La Fenice Theatre, and the Querini Stampalia Gallery. She had seen every inch of Venice by the end of the week and could tell him all about it when he got back to the hotel at night. He was tired after long days of shooting, arguments with the director, and the stress of working with Madison. But no matter how worn out he was, he was always thrilled to find Coco waiting for him at the hotel. And they were both looking forward to their weekend in Florence. He had rented a car and planned to drive them there himself.

It was the night before they left that he complained there had been paparazzi on the set. Some of them had come from Rome and Milan. He suspected Madison, or her press agent, of tipping them off, although he admitted that it was bound to happen. Everyone passing through St. Mark's Square that week had seen them filming. It was hardly surprising that the press had shown up, with major American film stars making a movie in their city.

“I'm glad you weren't there today. I don't want them crawling all over you too.” He said the carabinieri had kept them off the set, but there had been a dozen of them waiting for him at the trailer. And if Coco had been there, they would have besieged them both. As far as Leslie was concerned, the British and Italian paparazzi were the worst and the most persistent. He had always found the French press more respectful when he made movies there.

He got out a map that night, and they planned their route to Florence. He wanted to take her to the Lido too, but they hadn't had time yet, since it was twenty minutes away by boat. He had been busy working, and she had walked all over Venice on foot.

They were planning to stop in Padua and Bologna on the way to Florence. She wanted to see the Scrovegni Chapel in Padua, with the Giotto paintings she had once studied, and told Leslie about, and the thirteenth- and sixteenth-century walls that surrounded the city, and the cathedral. In Bologna, she wanted to see the Gothic Basilica of San Petronio, and the Pinacoteca Nazionale Gallery, if they had time.

They planned to get to Florence in the late afternoon, and there was so much they both wanted to see there. The Uffizi Gallery the Pitti Palace, the Palazzo Vecchio, the Duomo. There was no way they would be able to see it all. And when they set out in the morning from Venice, it was a glorious day. His motoscafo took them to the giant parking lot where their rented car was waiting. He had rented a Maserati, and he grinned as they roared off in the powerful car.

The road to Padua and Bologna was beautiful, and then they got on the Autostrada to reach Florence. He had reserved a suite for them at the Excelsior Hotel, and Coco insisted they stop at the Uffizi Gallery first. She couldn't wait to see it. She had been there years before with her parents, and Leslie had never seen it at all. He was discovering a whole new world with her. They were relaxed and happy when they checked into their hotel.

They had dinner at a restaurant the hotel had recommended that night and then walked around the square. They ate gelato and listened to street musicians, and then walked back to the hotel. It was a whole different set of wonders from Venice. And Coco said she was sorry they couldn't get to Rome as well.

“Stay until I finish the movie,” he teased. “Then you can see it all.” She wanted to see Perugia too, and Assisi. But they both knew she had to go back. She couldn't just abandon her clients and her business, and Erin could only cover for her for two weeks. But they were both sad to realize that they wouldn't see each other again until he returned to L.A. It would be at least another month, maybe two, if Madison didn't start remembering her lines. It was becoming increasingly stressful working with her, and Leslie didn't want her to ruin the film. She had promised the director to spend the entire weekend studying the script. Leslie hoped she would. Her cleavage wouldn't be enough to carry the film.

Coco and Leslie spent a peaceful night in their elegant suite. Just as they were about to leave the next day they were startled by the hotel manager when he appeared at their door. He was deeply apologetic and had no idea how it had happened, but someone had informed the press that Leslie was there. There were a flock of paparazzi outside the hotel, waiting for them. The security had managed to keep them out of the lobby. But there was no way they would be able to leave without being mobbed. It was big news that Leslie Baxter was in town. When he heard it, Leslie looked at Coco with an unhappy frown. Fortunately, the hotel had put their car in the garage.

The manager made the only suggestion he could think of, to spirit them out the service entrance in the rear. He said that perhaps if they disguised themselves, with dark glasses, hats, whatever they had on hand, they could escape before the paparazzi saw them leave. He bowed low as he expressed his regrets, which told Leslie that someone in the hotel had squealed.

A bellman came to get their bags, as Coco put on dark glasses and a scarf over her head. They weren't looking for her, they wanted Leslie, they both knew, but if they got him, they would discover her as well. And having seen her in Los Angeles with him, if she turned up in Italy too, everyone would know that this was a serious affair. Leslie was hoping to spare them that kind of heat for a while. And once they knew who she was, if they discovered where she came from, they would besiege her in Bolinas too. He didn't want that to happen to her. It was bad enough that he had to live with it, but for the moment, he wanted Coco protected from the press.

They took the elevator to the basement, and exited through the garage. Leslie was wearing dark glasses and a golf cap the manager had unearthed somewhere, and they quickly got into the car, and drove out the back entrance behind a laundry truck and a van from a local florist. They were gone long before the paparazzi discovered that they had checked out. They drove peacefully back to Venice, congratulating themselves on having outfoxed the press.

“Well done,” Leslie said, smiling at her. Thanks to the manager's warning, their exit had been extremely smooth. Both he and Coco were relieved.

They got back to Venice early enough to take a boat to the Lido, and have a drink at the Cipriani. It was a spectacular hotel, with an incredible view of Venice. And then they went back to the Gritti, to dine privately in Leslie's rooms. It had been a perfect weekend. Coco was thrilled that she still had another five days with him. She loved living with him again. They were golden days for both of them. Before they went to bed, they called Chloe. She reported on everything she was doing at school, and had won the prize for best costume on Halloween. She asked when she was going to see him. Leslie had promised to spend Thanksgiving with her and her mother in New York, if he finished the film in time. He looked apologetically at Coco after he hung up.

“That was stupid of me, wasn't it? I should have asked you what you were doing first. I just usually try to spend the holiday with her.” Coco knew he hadn't seen her in two months, and it would be another three weeks before he did.

“Don't worry about it,” Coco said, smiling at him. “I always spend it at my mother's in L.A. We usually do Christmas there too, but this year we're doing it at Jane's. She'll be too pregnant to travel by then.” It felt weird to say it. The idea of Jane being pregnant and having a baby still seemed totally foreign to her.

“I'll come to see you right after Thanksgiving,” he promised. “Hopefully we'll be finished here by then. And we'll get a break while they set up in L.A. We should get a decent hiatus over Christmas too. I'll spend every minute I can with you. I promise.” She leaned back into his arms with a blissful look.

They tried to be together that week as much as they could. She watched him on the set for hours, and in her spare time she went back to the churches she liked best, and discovered some new ones. She could find her way easily around Venice by then. Leslie was impressed. She knew the city far better than he did, but he rarely got time off, except at night.

They went out to dinner on her last night, to a small, funny restaurant on a back street. A gondola took them there, a different one than they'd had before. He took them to one of the ancient landing blocks, and from there they walked down an alley and around a corner to the restaurant. Coco had no trouble finding it, after her extensive explorations of Venice. It was charming when they walked in. It had a small garden, although it was too cold to sit outside. And the food was delicious, the best they'd had so far. They shared a bottle of Chianti, and were in good spirits when they left, although both of them were sad that she was leaving the next day. But with luck, he'd be home in a few weeks. The shooting had gone well that week, better than the week before. Madison had actually remembered her lines. A weekend of studying the script had paid off.

Leslie stopped on the street outside the restaurant and kissed Coco. Her stay in Venice had been perfect for both of them, almost like a dream come true. And better yet, it was real.

“Do you have any idea how much I love you?” he whispered to her and kissed her again.

“Almost as much as I love you,” she answered when she caught her breath and smiled into his eyes. And just as she did, there was an explosion of flashes everywhere, a sense of people shoving them, and before either of them could understand what had happened, they were surrounded by pushing, aggressive paparazzi who had lain in wait for them and jumped them. It was an ambush. Someone had tipped off the press, and it was not just a handful, it was a mob. And Leslie and Coco had a good distance to cover to get to the boat. Leslie wanted to pull her out of the crowd and protect her but had no idea how. He didn't even know which way to turn, and their only escape was via the gondola. There were at least thirty photographers between them and the boat.

Coco was looking up at him in shock and confusion, and he shouted to her, asking her which way to go. He had gotten totally turned around, and a half bottle of wine didn't help.

“That way!” She pointed over the shouts of the crowd. They were pushing and shoving Coco and Leslie to take their pictures. The photographer closest to them had a cigarette pressed between his lips, and he was so close that the ashes from it dusted her coat, as Leslie shoved him back.

“Come on, boys,” Leslie said firmly in English, “that's enough… Basta!… No!” he said, shouting at one of them who was pulling at their coats, trying to hold them back, and as he did, the whole crowd seemed to turn around, like a writhing beast, and pinned them both against a wall. And as they did, Coco slammed against it hard. Leslie was starting to panic. He had been in paparazzi attacks like this before, mostly in England, and inevitably someone got hurt. He didn't want it to be her, but he couldn't get her through the crowd. “No!” he suddenly shouted at them, shoving them hard, and with that he yanked Coco by the arm, and dragged her through the press of men, who hadn't stopped taking their pictures since they found them. It was an agonizing journey to the boat, which seemed to take forever. The gondolier was waiting for them and looked frightened when he saw them. There were three motoscafi standing by in which the paparazzi had come, and suddenly Leslie realized that he could hear British voices in the crowd, French ones, and some German. They were a group of international paparazzi who had joined forces to attack them. There was strength in numbers. He and Coco didn't have a chance. He didn't mind them getting photographs, but the mob mentality was out of control, which was clearly dangerous for them.

Two of the paparazzi jumped into the gondola ahead of them, and nearly tipped the boat. Reacting to them as though they were pirates, the gondolier hit them with his oars, and they both fell into the canal amid outraged shouts. Leslie realized that they wouldn't have minded at all if it had been him and Coco. She crouched down on the seat as he protected her and shielded her with his body, as the gondolier set off, and the ragtag press corps jumped into their motoscafi, and tried to head them off to stop them. The gondolier started shouting insults at the drivers of the motorboats, who shrugged and made obscene gestures. They had been paid to do a job, and what happened after that was not their problem. They didn't want to know.

“Are you okay?” Leslie asked, shouting over the noise of the paparazzi and the boats. The flashes were still going off, and they almost overturned the gondola as they reached the Grand Canal. Coco looked terrified. She felt as though they were going to be killed. And there was very little that Leslie and the gondolier could do to protect them. He was praying they'd see one of the police boats, but none appeared. They steadily made their way back to the Gritti Palace as fast as they could go, surrounded by the paparazzi in the motoscafi. The paparazzi reached the dock nearest the Gritti before Coco and Leslie arrived in the gondola. Leslie pressed three hundred euros into the gondolier's hand, preparing to make as quick an exit as they could. It was only a short dash to the hotel from the dock, but the rabid photographers weren't going to make it easy. He almost wondered if it would help if they stopped and posed for them, but they were too far gone for that. A mob mentality had taken hold, and they were egging each other on in a feeding frenzy. Leslie wanted Coco out of it and away from them as fast as he could.

He got out of the gondola first and pulled her out, but there was already a wall of photographers between them and the hotel, and Leslie knew he would have to break through it to get her to safety. She was just stepping onto the dock, when one of them reached out of their boat and grabbed her ankle and pulled hard to stop her. She screamed and fell back into the gondola, and nearly fell into the water. Leslie looked down at her in desperation, stepped back into the boat himself, lifted her out, and ran to safety with Coco in his arms. His years of rugby as a young man served him well, he broke through the barrier of bodies and ran into the hotel with the paparazzi on his heels. The doorman and a fleet of security and bellmen tried to stop the crowd following them, and there was a melee of bodies and fists in the lobby as Leslie literally ran up the stairs with Coco in his arms. One of the security men followed with a look of grave concern.

“Are you all right, sir?” he asked as Leslie looked at Coco and gently set her on her feet outside his suite as the security guard let them in. They were both out of breath and Coco was shaking violently from head to foot, and there was blood all over her coat and Leslie's jacket. She had cut herself when one of them had grabbed her ankle and she fell back into the boat.

“Get a doctor!” Leslie said tersely as the security guard left the room immediately to find one. Before he left, he assured them that there would be guards outside their room all night, and he would call a doctor and the police. He said he was very sorry.

Leslie gently led Coco to a chair and ran into the bathroom to get a towel. He gently helped her take off her coat as she winced, and saw that her arm was at a nasty angle. He didn't say it, but he was sure that it was broken.

“Oh God, darling… I'm so sorry… I never thought… we should have gone somewhere else… or stayed here…” He was almost in tears, and she was crying. He took her in his arms and held her as she shook violently and said not a word. He could tell from the look on her face she was in shock. He just sat there and rocked her as she cried, and told her he loved her, until the doctor came. Leslie explained to him what had happened, and the doctor examined her as gently as he could. There were the beginnings of a nasty bruise on her back where she had been slammed into the wall before they reached the boat. The cut she had gotten on her hand needed seven stitches, and her wrist was broken. Leslie felt sick when the doctor told him.

He gave Coco a shot to numb her hand before he stitched it up, another shot to sedate her, and a tetanus shot. She was groggy when the orthopedic surgeon came, and set her wrist in a small fiberglass cast. Neither doctor wanted to risk taking her to the hospital and exposing her to the mob again. The orthopedist said he had seen several paparazzi lurking outside, although there were none in the lobby. The security had thrown them out. The doctors said that her wrist and hand would hurt for a few days, but they cleared her to travel. Leslie wanted her out of there now. He didn't want to risk having them pay someone to get into their room at the hotel. The hunt was on. The sharks would smell blood in the water and refuse to leave them alone from now on. Their Venetian idyll had ended in disaster. It was time for her to go home.

Leslie lay awake all night watching her, stroking her cheek and her hair as she dozed. He propped her arm up on a pillow, and she woke once or twice when he put ice packs on her hand, but the drugs had taken effect, and she was too sedated to say anything more than that she loved him, and thank him before she fell asleep again. She finally came out of it enough to talk to him at six o'clock in the morning, and then started to cry again.

“I was so scared,” she said as she looked at him with panic in her eyes. “I thought they were going to kill us.”

“So did I,” he said miserably. “It happens that way sometimes. They drive each other into a frenzy.” He had never felt so defenseless in his life. He had wanted a last romantic gondola ride for her, and they had been totally unprotected. They had no escape. “I'm so sorry, Coco. I never wanted anything like that to happen to you. Someone must have tipped them off at the restaurant or here. They get paid for that, and you never know who does it. The poor gondolier didn't know what hit him.” He had made a hell of a tip for the experience, but Leslie doubted it was worth it to him. He had been terrified too, although he had probably made more from Leslie's tip than the snitch who had sold them out to the paparazzi.

“What happened to my wrist?” She stared down at it. She remembered nothing of the doctor putting on the cast the night before. She had been heavily sedated.

“It's broken,” Leslie said in a hoarse voice. There were circles under his eyes, and beard stubble on his face. “They said you should have it looked at when you get home. They didn't want to take you to the hospital last night, and risk it happening again. You had seven stitches in your hand,” he said with a look of anguish. “They gave you a tetanus shot. I didn't know if yours was current.” He had taken wonderful care of her, but he hadn't been able to protect her from the paparazzi nightmare, and he bitterly regretted that. It was everything she was afraid of in his life, and her only reason for hesitating about living with him. He had enlisted in that kind of life when he became an actor. She had done all she could to run away from it.

“Thank you,” she said softly, and then looked at him with broken eyes. “How can you live like that?” It had scared her to death.

“I have no choice. They would pursue me now even if I stopped working. It's the downside of my job.” And in her eyes, it was a big one.

“What if we have children? What if they go after them like that?” Everything she thought about it was in her eyes. What Leslie saw there was raw terror, and he didn't blame her. It had been a terrifying night, one of the worst he'd been in. And he hated that it had happened when he was with her, and she had been the one to get hurt. He felt like a monster for putting her in a situation where it could happen.

“I've always been very careful with Chloe,” he said quietly. But he had been careful with her too. It was just rotten luck that it had gotten so out of hand, and they'd been in such a vulnerable place. “I don't take Chloe to public events with me,” he explained. But this had only been dinner in a hole-in-the-wall restaurant in a back alley in Venice. They both knew it could happen anywhere. “I'm sorry, Coco. I truly am. I don't know what else to say.” She nodded and lay silently in their bed for a while, and then finally she spoke again. All she could think of was the moment when one of them had yanked her ankle and she fell back into the gondola headfirst and tried to break her fall. She knew she would remember it forever.

“I love you. I truly do,” she said sadly. “I love everything about you. You're the best, kindest man in the world. But I don't think I could live like that. I'd be terrified to go anywhere, and I'd be worried sick for our kids, and for you.”

“It was a hell of a way to start,” he admitted ruefully. If ever she had needed confirmation of her fears, she had gotten it the night before.

She burst into tears as he took her in his arms again. “I love you so much, but I'm so scared,” she sobbed in anguish. She kept remembering all those awful men out of control.

“I know, baby, I know,” he crooned as he held her. “I understand.” He didn't want to, but he did. And he wanted to convince her otherwise but felt it wouldn't be fair to her. She had been very brave. But it was a lot to ask of anyone. Dealing with the paparazzi, and surviving them, was part of his life, but it didn't have to be part of hers. She had a choice. He didn't. And he only prayed now that she would still choose a life with him, when she calmed down and recovered.

“Let's just get you safely on the plane to Paris now. We can talk about this again when I get home.” He didn't want her making any final decisions about him in the state she was in. He worried that the decision would be to end it with him. And she might get to that anyway.

He called the director and told him what had happened the night before, and asked him to shoot around him that morning. The director said how sorry he was and asked if there was anything he could do to help. Leslie asked him to send over one of the hairdressers with an assortment of wigs in anything but Coco's color. He called the manager of the hotel after that, and asked for several security guards to accompany her on the motoscafo, and a police guard if necessary. But the hotel manager thought they could handle it themselves.

Leslie got her into the shower. They had given her a cast that could get wet as long as she didn't soak it. He held her in his arms to make sure that she didn't stumble, slip, or faint. And then he helped her dress. He had already made a decision not to leave the hotel with her. He didn't want to do anything to draw attention to her. They would recognize Coco now, but most of all, they would be looking for him, or shots of them together. He didn't want to set her up for that, and was going to say goodbye to her at the hotel, and let her leave alone with the security guards from the Gritti. It was a sad end to their trip. And he couldn't help wondering if he'd ever see her again as he helped her dress. She had packed her bags the night before, so there was nothing for her to do except put on her jeans, a sweater, and her sheepskin coat.

The hairdresser from the set arrived as soon as Coco was dressed. Leslie sat her down at the dressing table and saw her eyes in the mirror. He could see that she was still in shock.

The hairdresser had brought several long blond wigs she had on hand, and a short black one. It was stylishly cut and full enough to cover all of Coco's long copper hair. She pinned it up for her, put a stocking cap on the way they did for films, and slipped the wig on her head. It was a shock seeing her with black hair, and in spite of himself Leslie smiled. She looked incredible, and it totally transformed her, which was what he wanted. She was unrecognizable in the black wig.

“You look like a very young Elizabeth Taylor.” Coco only nodded. She didn't care what she looked like. She was heartbroken to be leaving him, and she hated what she had learned about his life. They had survived the rumors in the fan magazine, and the bogus affair with his costar. But it was much harder to overlook the nightmare she had lived through with him the night before.

Leslie thanked the hairdresser and she left, and he stood looking at Coco. “What can I say to you? I love you, Coco. But I don't want to ruin your life. I know how much you hate all this.”

She smiled sadly at him. “One day at a time, I guess,” she said, feeding his own words back to him, and he smiled.

“I wish I could leave with you. Please don't run away from me now. We'll deal with this together.” He knew she had every reason to end it with him now, and he wouldn't blame her if she did. But he desperately hoped she wouldn't. He had changed her ticket home to first class as a gift from him. He wanted her to travel back in comfort, and had been startled that she had traveled coach on the way over. At least now she could sleep all the way home. He felt it was the least he could do for her.

“All I know is that I love you. I need to think about the rest,” Coco said sadly, and he nodded, knowing it was the best they could do for now. She still looked badly shaken, and he knew her arm must hurt. It had been a terrifying experience for both of them, especially for her. And she was the one who had gotten injured. The thought of it made him feel sick.

There was a knock at the door, and the security guards were outside, waiting for her. There were four big burly men, and a bellman to carry her bags. He took them downstairs to the motorboat waiting outside the service entrance. She was going out the back way, as they had done in Florence. Leslie had to do that often.

He took her in his arms then and held her there, and for a moment he said nothing. He just wanted to feel her warmth against his chest, and remember every minute detail of her face. “Just know that I love you, and I understand whatever happens.” He was afraid that it was over with her. It was written in her eyes as she looked back at him and nodded.

“I love you too.” And then she added awkwardly, “I'll never forget Venice… I know that sounds ridiculous after last night. But I've never been so happy in my life. It was perfect until last night.”

“Hang on to that,” he said, daring to be hopeful, in spite of his fears. “Take care of your wrist, and don't forget to have it looked at when you get home.” She nodded, and kissed him ever so gently on the lips.

“I love you,” she said one last time, and then walked out of his suite and closed the door behind her. Leslie felt as though someone had just ripped his heart out and broken it to bits.

Chapter 17

Coco felt numb and dazed all the way back to San Francisco. She thought of calling him from Paris between flights, but she knew he'd be on the set by then, and working, so she didn't. And the flight back to San Francisco seemed endless. Her wrist ached, and she had a headache from the night before. Her whole body felt as though it had been jolted badly. Her back was sensitive from the bruise. And all she wanted to do was sleep. She didn't want to think about anything or talk to anyone. And every time she fell asleep, she had nightmares. Not just about the paparazzi, but about Leslie. She knew she couldn't share his life with him. It was just too frightening and overwhelming. And twice when she woke up, she was in tears. She felt as though she had lost not only the man she loved, but her dreams. It was a terrible feeling.

With the time difference, it was two o'clock in the afternoon when she got to San Francisco. It was eleven o'clock at night in Venice by then, but her cell phone was dead and she didn't call him.

She got a porter to help her through customs and walked into the terminal almost blindly. She was going to take a cab back to Bolinas. She was too worn out to take a shuttle. And as she looked around on the sidewalk, she saw Liz hurrying toward her. Her flight had come in early and it never occurred to her that Liz was there for her. Coco was still too dazed to think.

“Hi. Are you going somewhere?” Coco looked at her blankly as Liz looked her over with worried eyes.

“Leslie called me. He told me what happened. I'm sorry Coco.”

“Yeah, me too,” Coco said, as tears filled her eyes. “Jane was right. It's just too scary.”

“It would be for most people,” Liz said compassionately. “He understands that. He loves you, and he doesn't want to screw up your life.” She didn't tell her that Leslie had been crying when he called her. He was terrified he had lost her forever. And from what Liz could see in her eyes, she had a strong suspicion that could be the case.

“Why did that have to happen?” Coco said miserably. “Everything was so perfect before that. We had a wonderful time. I've never been happier in my life, and he's such a good person.”

“I know he is. But this is part of his life too. Maybe it's better that you saw it. Now you know what you'd be dealing with.” It would help her make the right decision, one she could live with.

“It's a terrible way to live,” Coco said, thinking of the moment the night before when she had fallen back into the boat. She couldn't get it out of her mind, and was completely shaken by it.

Liz told her to sit on a bench and wait for her while she went to get the car, and she was back a few minutes later. Coco still looked dazed as the porter put her bags in the back of the car. “What did Jane say?” Coco asked glumly as they drove away from the airport.

Liz glanced over at her from the driver's seat and then back at the road. “I didn't tell her. It's up to you what you want to say. She doesn't need to know about this, if you don't want her to.” Coco nodded, grateful to Liz for her kindness and discretion. “Being scared of paparazzi attacks doesn't make you a bad person. Any sane person would hate living like that. I'm sure he does too. It just happened to him. He doesn't have much choice in the matter.” Coco nodded. She knew it was true.

“It's a terrible reason not to stay with someone you love,” Coco said, feeling guilty. She loved him. But she hated what came with his success and his life. She didn't want to be hiding and running and wearing wigs as she sneaked out the back door for the rest of her life. It was a miserable existence. And the furor in the eyes of the paparazzi the night before had been the most frightening thing she had ever seen. “I was afraid they were going to kill us,” she explained, and Liz nodded as Coco started to cry again. Liz realized that she was traumatized by what had happened.

“Apparently so was Leslie. He feels terrible about it.”

“I know,” Coco said softly. “He was wonderful to me after.”

“We're going to the doctor, by the way.”

“I don't want to. I just want to go home,” Coco said, sounding exhausted.

“Leslie says you have to. They set your wrist without doing an X-ray. They were afraid to take you out of the hotel again. The paparazzi were still outside. So you have to get the wrist looked at and checked.” Coco nodded. She was too tired and upset to argue with her. Liz had made an appointment at an orthopedist she knew.

They went to Laurel Village for the appointment. And the orthopedist confirmed that it was broken, and said they had done a fine job of setting it in Italy. He replaced the cast with an identical one, and an hour later they were on their way to the beach.

“You don't have to take me home,” Coco said miserably, and Liz smiled at her.

“I could let you walk, I guess, or hitch-hike. But what the hell, it's a nice day. It'll do me good to go to the beach.” For the first time in hours, Coco smiled.

“Thank you for being nice to me,” she said softly, and then she remembered. “How's the baby?”

“Growing every day. Jane looks fabulous, but it looks like it's going to be a big baby.” She was six months pregnant by then, although Coco was in no hurry to see her. She would see immediately that something terrible had happened on the trip, and Coco didn't feel up to discussing it with her. Only with Liz. Liz was more like the big sister she wished she'd had, and never did.

Coco fell asleep in the car on the way to the beach, and Liz woke her gently when they were outside her cottage. Coco started, looked around, confused for a minute, and then looked at her house sadly. She wished she were back in Venice with him, and that the end had been different. For the first time ever, she didn't want to be in Bolinas. And she was afraid she could no longer be with him. It was a terrible situation for her.

“Come on, I'll take you in.” Liz carried her bags, and Coco unlocked the door. They hadn't stopped to pick up Sallie, but Liz had said she didn't mind keeping her for a few more days. Coco had enough to cope with right now with her wrist. All Liz had said to Jane was that she'd had an accident in Italy and broken her wrist.

“Thank you for picking me up at the airport,” Coco said as she hugged her. “I was a mess. I guess I still am.”

“Get some sleep. You'll feel better tomorrow. And don't try to figure it all out now. You'll know what to do.” Coco nodded, and Liz left.

Coco walked into her bedroom and put on her old faded pajamas. It was five o'clock in Bolinas and two in the morning in Venice. All she wanted to do now was sleep. She didn't even want to eat. It was too late to call Leslie, but she didn't want to anyway. She didn't know what to say to him. And maybe Liz was right, she thought to herself, as she got under the covers. She could figure it out later. Right now, all she wanted to do was try to forget what had happened and sleep.

Chapter 18

Leslie called Coco the day after she got home, to see how she was, and check on her wrist. He didn't tell her, but he had already called Liz the night before after Coco got back, at four in the morning for him. She told him they'd been to the doctor and they'd put another cast on. She said that Coco looked dazed and beaten up, but she was doing all right. She suggested he let the dust settle a little and give it some time. But he wanted Coco to know that he was thinking of her, so he called her the next day himself, from his trailer on the set. He said he missed her terribly and apologized again for what had happened.

“It's not your fault,” Coco tried to comfort him when he called her. But he could hear something different in her voice, as though she had already backed away. “How's the movie going?” she asked, trying to change the subject. She felt worse after the flight, but had gotten up anyway. Erin couldn't work for her that day, and she didn't want to let her clients down. The doctor said she could work if she felt up to it, but he didn't recommend it.

“It went pretty well today. Madison blew all her lines yesterday. But so did I, so I guess we were an even match.” He couldn't think straight after Coco left. His heart and mind had left with her. “I'm still hoping we make it home by Thanksgiving.” They would have been there for seven weeks by then. He wanted to come and see her after that, but he didn't dare say it. He could hear how shaken she still was, and so was he. There were pictures of them all over the European papers. He looked like a madman, trying to protect her, and she looked wide-eyed and terrified. There was even one of her as she fell back into the boat, headfirst. He could hardly stand looking at the photographs, and it just made him miss her more. So did talking to her. “Try to take it easy for a couple of days. You had a hell of a jolt to your system the other night.” And he suspected she'd be shaken up for a while, and have post-traumatic stress.

“I'm fine,” she said, feeling like a robot. It tore her heart out to talk to him too. She was more in love with him than ever after the trip to Italy, but the paparazzi attack had convinced her that she wasn't strong enough to deal with what he went through. It was no way for her to live. “I'm on my way to work,” she said, as she crossed the bridge while talking to him. Their time together in Venice felt like a lifetime away to her, and to him too.

“Call me when you want to talk to me,” he said sadly. “I don't want to pressure you, Coco.” He wanted to give her time to breathe. Liz had suggested it would be a good idea. The trauma had been severe for Coco.

“Thank you,” she said, as she took the turnoff to Pacific Heights, wishing they were back at Jane's house again, back at the beginning, instead of at the end. “I love you,” she whispered, but she could no longer see any way to make it work, unless she wanted to live the same crazy existence he did, and she didn't. But she couldn't bring herself to say it to him. He knew.

“I love you too” was all Leslie said.

She went to pick up Sallie then, before she picked up the other dogs. Jane came to the door and told her she was sorry about her wrist. Coco smiled when she saw her. She was huge.

“You're getting bigger,” she commented, and Jane rubbed her hands over her round stomach. She was wearing tights and a sweater, and she looked prettier than ever. There was something slightly softer about her face.

“Three more months,” Jane said, looking apprehensive. “It's hard to believe.” They were commuting to L.A. by then, doing post-production on their film. Liz had said they'd be finished by Thanksgiving, which was a good thing. It would give Jane two months to take it easy and get ready for motherhood. “Are you and Leslie coming to Mom's for Thanksgiving?” she asked offhandedly, and Coco shook her head.

“I am, but he'll be in New York with his daughter.” Coco didn't want to get into it with her and quickly changed the subject. “How was Gabriel, by the way?” She remembered that Jane had met him in L.A. and she hadn't talked to her since. Jane laughed at the question.

“Young. Jesus, is he young. And Mom looks like she feels sixteen. It's a little unnerving, to say the least. He's a decent guy, I guess. I don't know what he's doing with a woman her age. It can't last, but at least she's having fun.” Coco was shocked to see that Jane had relaxed about it. She had expected her to be on a mission of destruction, and instead she didn't seem to care. “Whatever works. I guess we all have our crazy moments, and the right to make decisions about our own lives, whatever everyone else thinks. How was Italy, by the way?” Coco almost shuddered at the question, but she had steeled herself for it.

“It was great,” she said with a broad smile and prayed her all-seeing sister didn't see through it. “Except for my wrist.”

“That was shit luck, but at least it was your left wrist.” Jane didn't say a word about Leslie, and as Sallie followed her to the van a few minutes later, Coco wondered if Jane had relaxed about him too. The whole time they were talking, she'd been rubbing her belly, the way pregnant women did. Coco was wondering if something had changed. They were going back to L.A. until Thanksgiving, and Coco hoped that by then she wouldn't feel as though her own life had come to an end. She had lived through it when Ian died, and survived it. She could go through it again now, after Leslie, and knew she'd survive this too.

She went to pick up the big dogs, and the ones in Cow Hollow after. She followed her usual route, and did everything she had to do. She went through the motions, and went back to Bolinas every afternoon, but she felt as though everything inside her had died. Leslie didn't call her for the next three weeks, and she didn't call him. He didn't want to push her, and she was trying to get over him and the best way to do it, she knew, was not to talk to him at all. She didn't want to hear his voice and fall in love with him all over again, and she knew she would. And then the same thing would happen again. She couldn't. It was too scary.

Coco didn't talk to anyone until she left for L.A. on Thanksgiving, three weeks after Venice. She left Sallie with Erin, and she was only planning to go down for two days. Liz had invited her to stay at their rented house. And Gabriel was going to join them for Thanksgiving dinner. It was the first time she was going to meet him, although she had caught a glimpse of him that night at the Bel-Air when she saw her mother with him.

Liz picked her up at the airport in L.A., and drove her back to the house where Jane was waiting. It was the night before Thanksgiving, and the three of them were going to have a quiet dinner. Liz didn't ask her about Leslie, and Coco didn't mention him. Coco was wondering if he had made it to New York for Thanksgiving with Chloe and her mother. He hadn't called her, and she had no idea if he had left Venice. She thought it was best to just leave things the way they were, to drift away. The die had been cast on their last night in Venice, and her decision had been made. He knew it from her silence, and she knew from his that he understood. They still loved each other, but there was no doubt in her mind now. It could never be.

Jane was sprawled on the couch when she and Liz got back from the airport, and she waved when Coco walked in. She looked like a beach ball with arms and legs and a head, and Coco smiled as she walked over to give her a hug.

“Holy shit, you're huge!” Her belly looked as though it had doubled in size in three weeks.

“If that's a compliment, thank you.” Jane grinned at her. “If not, screw you. You should try wearing this.” Coco almost winced as she said it. She had put the idea of marriage and babies behind her, and hearing her say it made her think of Leslie instantly. “I don't even want to think about how big this kid is going to be in two months. It scares the shit out of me.”

They talked and laughed over dinner. Liz and Jane had finished their film, and were moving back to San Francisco for good the following week. They were halfway through dinner and a good bottle of wine when Jane suddenly turned to her and asked how Leslie was. She suddenly realized that Coco hadn't mentioned him all evening.

“Fine, I guess,” Coco said, trying to brace herself for what would come next. She gave a quick glance at Liz, who obviously hadn't said anything, and Coco was grateful for that. She had needed the last three weeks to compose herself before telling Jane.

“Is everything all right with you two?” Jane asked, frowning.

“Actually, no, it's not,” Coco said quietly. “It's over. You were right. We had a couple of minor brushes with the paparazzi, and on my last night in Venice, they ambushed us. And as you predicted,” she said stoically, “I folded like a house of cards. They scared the hell out of me. I wound up with seven stitches and a broken wrist, and I figured that was enough for me. I can't live like that. So here I am, alone again. Just me.” There was a long silence after she made her brief speech, and she was waiting for a barrage of “I told you so”s, and instead Jane leaned over and touched the cast on her wrist. By then, the stitches had been taken out, and the wound on her hand had healed. There was only a small scar to show for it, which was nothing compared to the condition of her heart. She felt as though it had been shattered.

“The paparazzi broke your wrist?” Jane said in disbelief. She looked both sympathetic and stunned.

“Not intentionally. I was getting out of a gondola at the dock at the Gritti, and one of them grabbed my ankle and tried to yank me back, so I fell back into the boat headfirst, and when I tried to break my fall, I cut my hand and broke my wrist. They ambushed us leaving a restaurant before that and smashed my back into a wall. We finally made it to the gondola, they jumped in with us, and nearly overturned the boat. There were about thirty of them and they followed us in three motoscafi, and then tried to keep us from getting out of the boat. It was pretty nasty.”

“Are you kidding?” Jane said in astonishment. “What I meant was that they would follow you around and invade your privacy, and you're such a private person, I knew you would hate that. I never meant that they were going to beat the crap out of you, smash you into walls, try to knock you out of boats, cut you up, and break bones. Where was Leslie in all that?” She wanted to know if Leslie had left her to the wolves, and if so, she was going to call him and rip his head off.

“He was with me. He did what he could, but there was nothing much either of us could do. We were in a back alley in Venice, and we couldn't even get to the boat at first. There were about thirty of them, and only two of us. It was pretty rough stuff.”

“Christ, I'd have folded like a house of cards over that too. Did you end it after that?”

“More or less. He knows how I feel. That's not how I want to live,” she said, trying to sound matter-of-fact about it, but there was a catch in her voice that her sister understood, and so did Liz. She was still in love with him, but she had made a decision, and she was determined to stick to it, no matter how hard it was. She thought staying with him and living like that would be worse. But losing him was awful. Leaving Leslie was the hardest thing she'd ever done.

“No one would want to live like that. He must have felt terrible about it.” Jane looked horrified by everything she had just heard, and the look in Coco's eyes broke her heart, as Jane leaned over to give her a hug.

“He did. He was wonderful to me after. After I fell back in the boat, he just grabbed me, picked me up, and ran through them. I had to leave through the service entrance, in a black wig, with four bodyguards the next day.”

“Christ, that's awful. I've heard of a few attacks like that over the years, but not many. Mostly they just push and shove and get in your face. I'm surprised he didn't kill one of them.”

“He was too worried about me. I was bleeding all over the place by then.”

“Why didn't you tell me when you got back?” Jane asked, looking distressed. She had glanced at Liz, who did not say a word.

“I was too upset.” Coco sighed and looked at her sister honestly. “And I was afraid of what you'd say. You warned me in the beginning, and you were right.”

“No, I wasn't,” Jane said, looking embarrassed. “I shot my mouth off, and Leslie gave me hell for it, and he was right. Liz gave me hell too. I don't know, I was just worried that you'd gotten in over your head or he was using you for a summer fling. I always think of you as a little kid. He leads such a big Hollywood life, and I couldn't imagine you being part of it. But you love each other, Coco. What happened to you in Italy is extreme. He can get bodyguards for you if he has to. I'm sure he would. You can't give up someone you love when the going gets tough.” She felt terrible now about everything she'd said before, and she hoped she hadn't influenced her to give up. Leslie had impressed her when he'd called her and read her the riot act. She had no question in her mind now that he was deeply in love with her, and she could see that Coco still was too.

“I'm not cut out for that life,” Coco said simply. “It would drive me insane. I'd be scared to go anywhere, scared to take my kids out, if we had any. What if one of our kids got hurt by one of those lunatics? What if your baby was in danger of that every day?”

“I'd find a way to protect him. But I wouldn't give up Liz,” she said quietly. “You love him, Coco. I know you do. That's a lot to lose.”

“So is my life. They could have killed one of us that night. And afterward I kept thinking about all of Dad's horror stories about his clients. I never wanted to be one of them when I grew up, and I still don't.” She said it as tears rolled down her cheeks, and she brushed them away. “Leslie has no choice. He has to live that way. I can't.” The life went out of her eyes as she said it.

“I'm sure after what happened, Leslie would see to it that it never happened again,” Jane tried to reassure her. Coco didn't answer, she just looked down at her plate and then back at her sister again and shook her head.

“I'm too scared,” she said sadly as Jane reached out and touched her hand. Liz was proud of her when she did, and of everything she had said. She had a lot to make up for, and she had finally come through. Impending motherhood had done a lot to soften her sharp edges recently.

“Why don't you give it some time?” Jane said quietly, still holding her hand. “When is he coming back?”

“I don't know. I haven't talked to him in three weeks. Sometime around now, I think, if they're not running behind.”

“You can't let those bastards run you off. You can't give them that too.” But she already had. Coco felt there was no turning back. This wasn't how she had wanted it to turn out, but after the paparazzi attack, Coco was afraid for her life if she stayed with him. Leslie knew that, which was why he hadn't been more forceful about trying to convince her otherwise. He loved her enough to let her go, if it was best for her.

Coco helped Liz clear the dishes then, and Jane went to sit on the couch to watch TV. “What have you done to her?” Coco asked Liz in a whisper in the kitchen. “She was nice.”

Liz laughed at what Coco said. “I think the hormones are finally kicking in. That baby may make a human being out of her yet.”

“I'm impressed,” Coco said, as they put the last of the dishes in the dishwasher, and went back to join Jane on the couch. They didn't mention the paparazzi attack again, and a little while later, they went to bed. They had to be at their mother's for lunch the next day, which was always a formal, traditional affair. And as Jane put it with a grin, this time the Boy Wonder would be there.

They all got up late the next morning, and at one o'clock they drove to Florence's mansion in Bel-Air. Jane was wearing the only decent dress she had that still fit. It was a pale blue silk tent that looked pretty on her with her long blond hair. Coco was wearing a white wool dress she had worn in Italy, and Liz was wearing a well-tailored black pantsuit. And when she opened the door, Florence was wearing a pink Chanel suit that looked spectacular on her. And as they all stood hugging and kissing each other in the front hall, a handsome man in a gray double-breasted suit and Hermès tie approached them. Coco knew instantly who he was.

“Hello, Gabriel,” she said with a warm smile, and shook his hand. He looked nervous at first, but as they sat in Florence's living room, under an enormous portrait of her in a ballgown and jewels, done several years before, they all started to relax and have a good time.

Liz and Gabriel talked movies. He was starting a new one soon, and he said Florence had helped him immeasurably with the screenplay. She had just finished another book. And Jane was excited about the film they had just finished. It reminded Coco of the old days, when her father was alive, and they all talked about books, movies, new clients, and old ones, and movie stars came through their house constantly, and famous authors. It was the same atmosphere she had grown up in and was familiar to her. And she surprised everyone at lunch by saying she was thinking of going back to school.

“Law school?” her mother asked, looking stunned.

“No, Mom.” Coco smiled at her. “Something useless, like a master's in art history. I think I might like to study restoration. I haven't figured it out yet.” The idea had really taken hold in her head ever since she'd discussed it with Leslie two months before, and what she'd seen in Venice and Florence had spurred her on. “I can't spend the rest of my life walking dogs,” she said softly, as her mother and sister smiled.

“You always wanted to do art history,” her mother said kindly. Much to Coco's amazement, for once no one was criticizing her, and telling her what was wrong with her, and how stupid her plans were. It had started with Jane the night before. Coco wasn't sure if she had changed, or they had. They had certainly all chosen different paths. Liz and Jane were having a baby. Her mother was in love with a man nearly half her age. And Coco had just walked away from the love of her life. It struck her, as she looked at them, that they had lives and she didn't. She had chosen to stay off the track for nearly four years now. Maybe it was time to move forward again. It felt like she was ready to do that, even without Leslie in her life. She needed a fuller life of her own, with or without him. The black sheep was returning to the fold, and for once they had the grace not to say it.

Coco sat next to Gabriel at lunch, and enjoyed an interesting conversation with him about art, politics, and literature. He wasn't the sort of man who would have appealed to her. He was a little too Hollywood, in a way that Leslie wasn't. Gabriel was slicker, and part of the scene, but he was intelligent, and attentive to her mother. Florence was absolutely thriving on his attention, and she looked radiant and young. He was taking her to the Basel art show in Miami the following week. They were going skiing in Aspen after Christmas. They had seen all the recent art shows and plays. He took her to the symphony and the ballet. They'd been to New York twice in the last six months and seen every play on Broadway. It was obvious that their mother was having a good time, and even though his age shocked them, Jane and Coco agreed on the way home that he wasn't a bad guy.

“It's kind of like having a brother,” Coco commented, and Jane laughed. He had talked about babies with her, since he had a two-year-old. He'd been divorced for a year and said the marriage had been a huge mistake, but he was glad to have his daughter, particularly now. Clearly, he and Florence weren't going to be having children. “Do you think she'll marry him?” Coco asked with a look of wonder.

“Stranger things have happened, particularly in this family,” Jane commented, sounding more like her old self, but with more humor. She was definitely mellowing a little, or even a lot. “But to be honest, I hope not. She doesn't need to get married at her age. Why screw up what they've got? And if it doesn't work out, she doesn't need all the mess and headache of a divorce.”

“Maybe she does need to get married,” Coco said pensively. “But what is she going to do with a two-year-old?” Gabriel sounded like he was very attached to his daughter.

“The same thing she did with us,” Jane chuckled. “Hire a nanny.” All three of them laughed at that, and they chatted amiably through the evening, and Coco went back to San Francisco the next day. They invited her to stay for the weekend, but she wanted to get home. She was still feeling fragile.

Before she left, Jane took her aside and talked to her again about Leslie. “Don't give up on him yet,” she said quietly, as Coco finished packing her bag. She was back in her old sweatshirt and jeans for the flight. It made her look like a kid again, but Jane was finally realizing that she wasn't. “He loves you and he's a good man. It wasn't his fault that that happened, and he must have hated it too. The last thing he would want is for you to get hurt. It sounds like a nightmare for both of you.”

“It was. How can anyone live like that?”

“He'll figure it out so it doesn't happen again. It must have been a hell of a wake-up call to him. Everyone is a little nuts in L.A. I'm actually thrilled to be going back to San Francisco. It's more exciting down here, but I think it's a hard place to bring up kids. It's all about showing off. The values seem all wrong. It just wouldn't seem right to me to raise a child here.”

“Yeah, and look how they turn out,” Coco teased her. “I'm a hippie, and you're gay.” Jane laughed at that and hugged her.

“You're not such a hippie anymore. Maybe you never were, I just thought so. And I'm glad you're thinking about going back to school. You could go to UCLA if you live down here with him,” she said practically, and Coco looked panicked, so Jane backed off. She just hoped Coco didn't give up on him entirely. It made her sad for both of them. And she was actually sorry when Coco left. It had been a wonderful Thanksgiving, and Gabriel was even a pleasant addition. He had promised to come to Christmas in San Francisco with Florence. They were going to stay at the Ritz-Carlton and bring his daughter.

Coco was thinking about all of it as she flew back to San Francisco. She had left her van at the airport, and was relieved to drive back to Bolinas. It had been nice to see her family for two days, but she needed time to herself. She was still too sad about Leslie to want to be with people all the time. She needed time to mourn. She appreciated what Jane had said about him, but she knew better than anyone, after what had happened in Venice, that she couldn't lead that life. It was one thing to be the girlfriend of a movie star, it was another thing to be attacked by thirty men who could have killed them. She still remembered the feeling of terror as they surrounded them in the back alley, and later when she fell into the boat. If loving him meant living that way, she couldn't do it.

She let herself in to the cottage and looked around. It looked familiar and comfortable, like crawling back into the womb again. The weather was cold, and she wrapped herself in a blanket and went out to sit on the deck. She loved the beach in winter, and there were a million stars in the sky. She lay on the deck chair, looking at them, remembering when she'd been there with Leslie, and a tear crept slowly down her cheek.

Her cell phone rang then, and she dug it out of her pocket. It was from a blocked number, and Coco wondered who it was.

“Hello?”

“Hello.” There was a small funny voice at the other end. “This is Chloe Baxter. Coco, is that you?”

“Yes, it's me,” she said, smiling. “How are you?” She wondered if Leslie was with her, and had made it for Thanksgiving. Maybe it was a ploy to talk to her. But if so, she didn't care. She loved talking to Chloe. “How are the bears?”

“They're fine. And me too. How was your turkey?”

“Very nice. I had it with my mom and my sister, in L.A.”

“Is that where you are now?” She sounded very interested, and as usual, very grown up.

“No, I'm at the beach. Looking up at the stars. It's late for you. If you were here, we could toast marshmallows and have s'mores.”

“Yumm,” she said, and then giggled.

“Did you have Thanksgiving with your daddy?” Coco couldn't resist asking, although she didn't want to pump her for information. She wondered if he was standing there or even knew that she was calling. Chloe had a way of doing what she wanted, without prompting from anyone else.

“Yes,” Chloe said with a sigh. “He brought me a dress from Italy. It's very pretty. He just left for L.A. tonight.”

“Oh.” Coco didn't know what to say.

There was a pause, and then Chloe went on. “He says he misses you very much.”

“I miss him too. Did he tell you to call me?”

“No. I lost your number. I got it off his computer but he doesn't know.” Coco smiled at what she said. It was so like her to do that. “He says you're mad at him, because some very bad men attacked you both and you got hurt. He said you broke your wrist when they pushed you. That must have hurt a lot.”

“It did,” Coco admitted. “It was pretty scary.”

“That's what he said too. He said he should have stopped them, but he couldn't. And now he's very sad, because you're so mad at him. I miss you too, Coco,” she said sadly, and tears filled Coco's eyes again. This was hard. It reminded her of the wonderful time they had shared with her in August.

“I miss you too, Chloe. And I'm very sad too.”

“Please don't stay mad at him,” Chloe said sadly. “I want to see you when I come out. I'm spending Christmas with him in L.A. Will you be there?”

“I'm spending it with my mom and sister in San Francisco. My sister is having a baby pretty soon, so we have to stay here.”

“Maybe we could come up,” she said practically. “If you invite us. We could come to see you at the beach. I'd like that.”

“So would I. But it's kind of complicated right now, because I haven't seen your dad in a while.”

“Maybe he'll call you,” she said hopefully. “He's going to be working on his movie. He's moving back into his house in L.A.”

“That's nice,” Coco said noncommittally but she was touched that Chloe had called. She had missed her too.

“I hope I see you soon. My mom says I have to go to bed now,” she said with a yawn, and Coco smiled.

“Thank you for calling me,” Coco said, and meant it. It was almost as good as hearing from him.

“My dad says he can't call you because you're so mad at him. So I thought I'd call you myself.”

“I'm glad you did. I love you, Chloe. Happy Thanksgiving.”

She made a gobbling sound, and Coco laughed. She was truly the perfect combination of child and adult. She had just turned seven. “Happy Turkey to you too. Night-night,” Chloe said. And then she hung up. Coco sat holding her cell phone, looking up at the sky, wondering if the call from Chloe was a sign or a message for her. Probably not, but it had been very sweet. She sat on the deck and thought about it for a long time.

Chapter 19

Leslie didn't call her when he got back to L.A. As Coco was, he was still feeling traumatized by what had happened in Venice. And he loved Coco too much to ask her to risk her life for him. He knew how much she had hated it when her father had been threatened years before, and the nightmares she'd had as a result. He couldn't ask her to live that way forever, for him. But his heart ached every minute of the day. All he could think of was her.

And Coco didn't call him, either. She berated herself every day for her cowardice. She had a broken heart, which ached every time she thought of spending the rest of her life without Leslie. But now, living with the risks it entailed seemed worse. She wanted a normal life with him, not a permanent diet of the insanity they'd lived through in Venice.

As a result, the silence between them was deafening, but there was nothing left to say. The fact that they loved each other wasn't enough anymore. It didn't protect them from the dangers of his world and fame. Their lives were incompatible, so there was no point torturing each other by staying in touch. And she knew she didn't need to explain it to him again. They had both said it all the last time they spoke, the day after she got home. And she knew he understood and respected her fears. Coco was trying to let it drift away but the feelings were still there and probably would be for a long time. Maybe forever. And the pain of losing him.

She ran into Jeff at the trash cans one day and he commented about what a nice guy Leslie was, how he acted like any other normal guy, and didn't put on airs because he was a big star. He said he liked him a lot, and had missed seeing him. Coco nodded agreement with him, and as she listened, she was trying not to cry. She had had a bad day. Every day was hard now. She was dreading Christmas this year. It was going to be so lonely without him. They had planned to spend it together. And now he'd be spending it with Chloe in L.A. And she was going to be with her mother and sister, and their significant others.

Even the house in Bolinas looked sad to her now. Everything looked faded and tired. And she finally put Ian's diving gear away. It depressed her seeing that too. And she had put the photographs she had of Leslie in a drawer. The only one she left out was a photograph she had taken of him and Chloe the day they built the first sand castle. Chloe looked adorable in it, and she didn't have the heart to put that one away too.

Chloe hadn't called her again. She had thought of buying her a Christmas present, but she thought it was mean to try and hang on to her. She had to let go of both of them now, no matter how cute she was, or how much she loved him.

By the time Christmas Eve came, Coco hadn't spoken to Leslie in seven weeks. She tried not to keep track of it, but she always knew. It had been exactly fifty days. She hated herself for remembering it. One day she would no longer remember how long it had been, just years.

She was planning to stay at Jane's on Christmas Eve. They had already turned the guest room into a nursery and they were putting her in a smaller guest room downstairs. She knew that it was going to be hard to stay in the house again. Everything about it reminded her of Leslie now, and the months she had lived there with him.

Her mother and Gabriel and his daughter had arrived in San Francisco that afternoon. They went straight to the Ritz-Carlton to get organized. They hadn't brought a nanny with them, and Gabriel was going to take care of her himself. Florence was a little anxious about it, she had admitted to Jane. She hadn't been around a child that age in a long time.

“Well, that's what you get for having a young boyfriend, Mom,” Jane teased her, and she laughed about it with Coco when she arrived.

They were spending Christmas Eve together, as they always did, and Christmas Day, and that night everyone would go home. Her mother and Gabriel were going back to L.A., since they were leaving for Aspen the day after Christmas. And Coco was going back to the beach. But for twenty-four hours, they would be a family, however unorthodox they were. And they seemed to be getting more so every year. Now Liz and Jane were going to have a baby, and her mother had a boyfriend young enough to be her son, and his two-year-old who could have been her grandchild. “We're not exactly your standard family anymore,” Jane commented, as she walked Coco to her room downstairs. “Maybe we never were.” And then she looked at Coco strangely, as though thinking back to the days when they were growing up and their father was alive. “I was so jealous of you then,” she said in a quiet voice. “Dad was so nuts about you. I always felt like once you came along, I didn't have a chance. You were so little and so cute. Even Mom was excited about you for a while. She had so little time to give either of us, there just wasn't enough of her to share. I hope my kids never feel that way about me.”

“I always thought you were the star, and there was no room for me,” Coco confessed. She had said it to her therapist two years before, and it almost felt better saying it out loud to Jane.

“Maybe that's why I was so hard on you.” Jane looked at her apologetically. “There was hardly room for me in that house, and then you came along. There was never enough love to go around.”

“They were both such busy, important people,” Coco said thoughtfully. “They never had time to be parents.”

“And we never got a chance to be kids. We both had to be stars. I bought into it. You didn't. You just said to hell with it, and threw in the towel. I've been trying to impress them all my life. And in the end, who gives a damn? Who cares how many movies I produce? This baby is more important than that,” she said, rubbing her belly, which got bigger every day. She almost looked like a cartoon of a pregnant woman now.

“It sounds like you're on the right track,” Coco said gently, and gave her a hug. It was more than she could say for herself. They all had partners, she didn't. She had walked away from the man she loved. “Are you thinking of having more kids?” Coco asked her then. Jane had just referred to “kids,” plural, instead of one.

“Maybe,” Jane said with a smile. “Depends how this one goes, and how cute he is. If he's as big a brat as I was, I may have to send him back. You were pretty cute though. It just made me hate you more.” Leslie had been right. Jane was jealous of her, and what she was saying now was finally letting the air out of that balloon. The air was pretty stale by now. They were no longer competing for their mother's attention, and their father was gone.

And these days, their mother was more interested in Gabriel than in them. She had already told Jane that she and Gabriel would be in the Bahamas when the baby was born. They would come to see it when they got back. It was who their mother had always been. The men in her life had changed, but she never had, and at her age, there was no chance she ever would. They had both made their peace with that.

“Liz and I have been talking about another baby,” she admitted to Coco. “Next time we might do a donor egg from me, if mine are holding up, and donor sperm, and let Liz carry it. I'm glad I did it this time, but to be honest, I hate being fat. I'm turning forty in two months. Being fat on top of it is just too goddamn much. Maybe I am like Mom,” she laughed. Their mother was the vainest woman in the world. Jane turned to Coco with a hesitant look then and sat down on the guest room bed. The weight of the baby was too great now to allow her to stand up for long. She could hardly walk. “Is there any chance that you'd like to be with me when the baby is born? I've been wanting to ask you, but I didn't know how you'd feel about it. Liz is going to be there, but I'd love to have you there too.” There were tears in her eyes as she asked, and Coco sat down on the bed next to her and hugged her with tears in her eyes too.

“I'd love that,” she said, and held her sister for a long moment. She felt honored that Jane would want her there. She wiped the tears from her cheeks then and laughed. “Hell, it may be the only chance I get to see a baby born, now that I'm committed to being an old maid.”

“I don't think you have to worry about that yet,” Jane said, smiling at her. “I guess you haven't heard from Leslie?” she asked cautiously, and Coco shook her head.

“I haven't called him either. Chloe, his little girl, called me on Thanksgiving. She says he misses me. I miss him too.”

“So call him, for chrissake. Don't waste all this time.”

“Maybe I will one of these days,” Coco said with a sigh, but Jane knew she wouldn't. Coco was too scared and too stubborn. She almost wanted to call him herself, but Liz didn't think she should get involved. It was up to them. Jane was dying to give them a helping hand.

They went back upstairs then, and Coco laughed at her as she waddled up the stairs. She was excited about being at the birth. Jane told Liz as soon as they walked into the kitchen. She was putting the finishing touches on dinner for that night.

“Thank God, you'll be there,” Liz said, looking relieved. “I have no idea what to do. We took Lamaze classes and I've already forgotten everything. This is such a huge deal.” Liz smiled at Coco as she said it.

“Yes, it is,” Coco agreed, in awe of the whole process, and impressed by the noticeable changes in her sister. The atmosphere between Coco and Jane had changed considerably in the past two months. After years of resenting each other, and each of them feeling wounded, they were finally friends. It was what Coco had hoped for all her life.

They sat at the kitchen table talking for a while, and Coco told them about the maple syrup incident the day she and Leslie met. Liz had hysterics as she listened, and Jane nearly fainted when she heard it.

“Thank God I wasn't here. I would have killed you!” “I know. That's why I never told you. We were swimming in maple syrup until Leslie cleaned it up.”

“Remind me not to ask you to house-sit again.” They finally went upstairs to get dressed, and Coco went downstairs to her room, relieved not to see the bedroom that she and Leslie had shared. They were going to show her the nursery later, but she was determined not to set foot in the master suite. It would just hurt too much. She was having a hard time getting over him, and Liz and Jane both knew it. Their mother still didn't know what had happened and never asked.

She and Gabriel arrived promptly at seven, with his adorable two-year-old daughter in tow. She was wearing a red velvet Christmas dress with matching bows in her hair, and black patent leather Mary Janes. Gabriel had dressed her himself. And they brought a collapsible playpen with them so they could put her to sleep when she got tired. She seemed like a very well-behaved little girl. Their mother talked to her like a small adult, which reminded Coco of Chloe.

Florence was wearing a very chic black cocktail dress, and Gabriel was wearing a dark blue suit. They looked smashing together, as Coco picked Alyson up and played with her, while Liz made her mother and Gabriel martinis. In a funny way, they were playing the role of the parents, and whenever she was around her mother, Coco felt like a child again. She used to feel that way around Jane too, but it had changed.

Jane whispered to her in the kitchen that Gabriel dressed like a fifty-year-old man.

“That's a good thing or they'd look ridiculous together,” Coco whispered back, as Liz shook their martinis, “because Mom thinks she's twenty-five.”

“Shit,” Jane said out loud, “the whole goddamn world is confused.”

“We certainly are,” Coco said, laughing. “You're married to a woman, and Mom's in love with a child.” The three of them stood around the kitchen table laughing, as Florence and Gabriel came to get their martinis, and Coco was happy to babysit for them. His daughter was adorable, and she was mesmerized by the Christmas tree Liz had put up in the living room. All Jane had been able to do this year was lie on the couch and watch.

“I can't believe I've got another five weeks to go. I feel like I'm going to have it tonight. Or I wish I would. One of these days, my stomach's just going to explode,” Jane said as she walked into the living room with them and collapsed on the couch again.

“Don't forget to call me as soon as you go into labor,” Coco reminded her, now that she was part of the team. She could hardly wait.

Liz had prepared a beautiful dinner for all of them. They started it off with caviar, followed by roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, mashed potatoes, minted peas, salad, and dinner rolls. It was an elegant meal, and to top it all off she had prepared traditional plum pudding with hard sauce for dessert. By the time they sat down to the meal, Alyson was sound asleep in her playpen. She was the perfect child. She was going to sleep in their room at the Ritz-Carlton that night. Florence said she had brought earplugs in case she cried, and Gabriel just laughed. He seemed to have endless tolerance for Florence's quirks, and looked at her with adoring eyes.

They went back to the hotel around ten o'clock with Alyson sound asleep in her father's arms. They had a limousine waiting outside, and they left with Florence in a swath of fur, and Gabriel in a good-looking black cashmere coat, as they thanked them for the meal and promised to be back at noon the next day. After that, the three younger women hung out in the kitchen and cleaned up. Liz was making turkey the next day. Jane had hardly been able to eat that night. The meal was delicious, but she said she had no more room. The baby was hogging it all. And she had heartburn all the time.

“This isn't as easy as it looks,” Jane complained, rubbing her back. She was getting more and more uncomfortable now.

“I'll give you a backrub when we go to bed,” Liz promised. She was truly the perfect partner, and Coco told her sister she was a lucky woman. It didn't strike her as odd that her sister was gay, and never had. Coco had always known her that way, and was very comfortable with it. She had always told her friends at school that Jane was a lesbian, and didn't see anything unusual about it.

“You were actually pretty funny then,” Jane reminisced with a chuckle as the others cleaned up. “You told someone I was a leprechaun once, and when I corrected you, you said you thought it was the same thing.”

It was midnight when they all went to their rooms, and Coco lay in bed downstairs, thinking of the months she had spent with Leslie in that house. She wished that he and Chloe were there. Christmas would have been perfect for her then. As usual, she was the odd man out. She wondered what they were doing that night. She knew that Chloe was with him, and wondered if they had put up a tree, if they were with friends, what kind of Christmas they were going to have, traditional or free-form. She would have loved to share it with them, but she couldn't. The paparazzi that were part of his life had changed everything. Her life was simpler now, she reminded herself. But also incredibly sad. The next day she would go back to her house at the beach, and Jane and Liz would have each other. And her mother and Gabriel would be flying to L.A. and then Aspen. She had made a decision that had seemed the right one at the time, and now she had to live by it. The alternative was too hard. Whether or not she loved him was not the question. Being able to share his life for better or worse was the key issue for her and the answer was that she couldn't.

Coco was up before the others the next day. She went to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea, and saw that Liz had already started the turkey. She had gotten up at six to do it, and gone back to bed.

Coco wandered around the house while she waited for Jane and Liz to get up. It was an odd feeling being back here again. She saw Sallie and Jack lying side by side in the kitchen, and even that made her think of him. She didn't know what to do anymore to drive him from her mind. Probably only time would do it.

“You're up early,” Liz said, when she came down to check the turkey again at nine. Coco had been up for hours. She'd been sitting by the tree, looking forlorn when Liz saw her. She didn't say anything about it to her, but she could see what she was thinking. Missing Leslie was written all over her, and Liz felt sorry for her. They sat in the kitchen for a while and talked, but not about him. And at ten o'clock, Jane came downstairs and joined them. She said she already had heartburn.

“You're having the next one,” she said, looking pointedly at Liz.

“I'd be delighted,” Liz said, as Coco offered to make breakfast.

“You're a menace in the kitchen,” Jane growled at her, and Coco laughed.

“You're right. I inherited it from Mom.”

“You did not,” Jane disagreed with her. “Dad was a lousy cook. Mom doesn't even know where the kitchen is.”

“I think Gabriel likes to cook,” Coco added. “At least we know she won't starve in her old age, if she ever lets the cook go.”

“Do you really think they'll last?” Jane asked with a look of disbelief. It was hard for her to imagine. She was sure it was a passing thing, and he would eventually come to his senses, and find someone his own age. But she had to admit, he seemed happy with her mother, and not in the least bothered about the vast expanse of years between them.

“I think if she were a man, we wouldn't even ask that question,” Coco answered. “Men Mom's age marry women younger than Gabriel all the time, and no one even questions it. Sixty-two and thirty-nine wouldn't surprise anyone, if their sexes were reversed.”

“Maybe you're right,” Jane said. “The weird thing is that they actually look right together. He's kind of stuffy for a young guy.”

“I wouldn't go out with him,” Coco said, and they all laughed. He seemed a lot older than Leslie, and in fact was only two years younger.

“Well, you know we wouldn't go out with him,” Jane said, and they laughed harder. “But I know what you mean. He's kind of old-fashioned. Nobody wears suits all the time these days, but he does. Mom loves it. Actually he looked like that the first time I met him, long before he got involved with Mom. I guess he has a thing for older women.”

“Apparently,” Coco said. “Or just Mom. He worships the ground she walks on. And the truth is that if he sticks around, it'll make life a lot easier for us in a few years. She'll be happy.” Jane nodded as she thought about it. Coco had a point.

“What happens when she gets old? I mean really old?”

“The same thing that happens to all of us,” Liz added. “You hope your partner doesn't die, or leave you. At some point, it happens,” she said, looking tenderly at Jane.

“I'm never going to leave you,” Jane whispered softly. “I promise.”

“You'd better not.” Liz leaned over and gave her a kiss.

“Well, I'm leaving you both,” Coco said with a yawn as she got up from the table. “I have to get dressed. Mom will be here in less than an hour,” she reminded them. They all went back to their rooms then and reappeared, nicely dressed, shortly before noon.

As always their mother arrived promptly, in a white Chanel suit, black alligator pumps, and the sable coat she'd worn the night before. She was wearing pearls, and her makeup was perfect. Gabriel was wearing gray slacks and a blazer and another Hermès tie with his pale blue shirt. They looked like a spread in Town & Country. Coco and Liz were more casual, and had worn nice slacks and sweaters, except for Jane who was wearing a bright red tent, and looked miserably uncomfortable all through lunch.

They exchanged presents before lunch, and everyone loved what they'd been given. Their mother had given them the same thing she did every year. She gave them each a check, and a slightly smaller one for Liz. She said she was always afraid of buying the wrong thing and preferred that they shopped for themselves. She had given Gabriel a Cartier watch that he was wearing, and she was wearing a very good-looking diamond pin on her suit, from him. And Florence gave Alyson an enormous doll in a pink dress that was almost as big as she was.

They sat down to lunch at two o'clock, and stayed at the table until four. After that, they sat in the living room, talking and drinking coffee. And then, their mother and Gabriel and Alyson left with all their presents. They were flying back to L.A. that night to drop Alyson off at her mother's, and leaving for Aspen in the morning.

Coco stayed till six to help them clean up, and then she said her goodbyes. They told her she could spend another night, but after two days of family, she thought they'd want to be alone, and she wanted to get home. So she took Sallie and drove back to Bolinas in the van. The house seemed empty and cold when she got in. She lit a fire, and sat down on the couch, staring at it, thinking about the past two days. She didn't allow herself to think of Leslie, or even Chloe. She had to be grateful for the life she had. And it had been a very nice Christmas. Her new rapprochement with Jane was a blessing in both their lives and was long overdue.

Coco went to bed early and was up at seven. She sat on the deck and watched the sun come up. It was a new day, a new life, and she was reminding herself again of how lucky she was, as she heard the bell clang on her gate. No one ever rang the bell. Most people just walked up to the house and knocked. She was still wearing her pajamas with the hearts on them, and she wrapped herself in the blanket she'd been wearing on the deck and walked around the house to see who it was.

Her long auburn hair was blowing in the wind and she hadn't combed it. It was cold out, but the sky was clear and blue. When she looked toward her gate, she saw them. Leslie was standing there, his hand on the latch, and his eyes locked on hers. He wasn't sure if he had done the right thing. Chloe was standing next to him in a bright blue coat, with her long braids and her big smile. And she was holding a present. The minute she saw Coco, she waved and bounded through the gate by herself.

“She wanted to see you,” Leslie explained as Coco hugged her and walked through the sand on bare feet. She stood looking up at him as though she were seeing a vision.

“I wanted to see her too,” Coco said, “and you. I miss you.” And before she could say anything else, he took her in his arms and held her. He didn't want to hear another thing, he just wanted to hold her and smell her hair and feel her in his arms again.

“It's cold out here,” Chloe complained, as she looked up at them. “Can we go in?”

“Of course we can,” Coco said, as she took her hand, and turned around to smile at him. He had done the right thing.

The house looked the same to him, and he saw the photograph of him and Chloe. He smiled a long slow smile at her, and she mouthed “I love you” over Chloe's head.

“I love you too,” he said clearly.

“What's for breakfast?” Chloe intervened, and then handed Coco her present. She sat down on the couch to unwrap it. It was a small brown teddy bear, and Coco smiled, gave her a big hug, and told her she loved it.

“How about waffles?” Coco answered her question. “And s'mores.”

“Yes!” Chloe clapped her hands in glee as Coco went to the kitchen, and put the kettle on for tea. She kept glancing over at Leslie as though he might disappear. It had been a long two months without him, and she wasn't sure yet what this meant. She was just glad he was here.

They sat down to breakfast together, as Chloe told her all about their Christmas. They had decorated a tree, and gone to a hotel for dinner, and last night, they had decided to come and see her. They had taken a plane to San Francisco, and they were staying at a nice hotel because her father had said that it was too late to drive to the beach the night before. He said it would be rude, even though Chloe didn't think so. So they had come this morning instead. And now here they were. She beamed at both of them as she said it, and Coco smiled first at her, and then at Leslie.

“That was a very, very good idea,” Coco said.

Chloe looked at her father immediately. “See, I told you she'd be happy to see us!” The two adults beamed at each other over the child's head.

Coco got dressed after breakfast, and they went out for a walk on the beach. It was the day after Christmas, and a number of people were walking.

“I missed you incredibly,” Leslie told her, as Chloe ran ahead to pick up shells on the sand.

“Me too.”

“I didn't know what you'd think if we just showed up. I didn't think you'd want to see me. Chloe said you did.”

“She called me on Thanksgiving, it was the next best thing to talking to you.” She looked up at him again, as though he were a dream.

“Coco, about Venice…”

She shook her head and put a finger to his lips as they stopped walking and looked at each other. “You don't have to say anything … I realize that I don't care about the paparazzi, or the fan magazines, or any of it, even if it does scare me to death… I just want to be with you. I love you too much to let that keep us apart.” She knew it the minute she saw him. It was what he had come here to hear, but hadn't dared to hope for. She had been sure of it when he appeared at her gate. And what Jane had said on Thanksgiving had haunted her, about not giving up on him yet.

“I love you. I swear I'll never let anything like that happen to you again. I'll kill them first.”

“I don't care… we'll get through it together… if they drive us crazy, we'll move. We'll go somewhere else. We can always hide out here.” She smiled at him, and he held her.

“I was dying without you,” he said in a deep husky voice.

“Me too.”

“Where do you want to live?” He was willing to go anywhere for her.

“With you.”

They walked slowly down the beach after Chloe. And when the wind picked up and it got too cold for them, they went back to the house and lit a fire.

Coco made lunch for them, and afterward Leslie took out the trash for her. It was overflowing. He saw Jeff, the fireman, at the garbage cans, and he gave Leslie a broad grin and a slap on the shoulder.

“Nice to see you back,” he said, shaking hands with him. “I hear you were making a movie in Venice. We missed you. My damn car's a mess again. I think it's the transmission.”

“I'll take a look at it later,” Leslie promised.

“We missed you around here,” Jeff said with an intense look, meaning Coco. But he had missed him too.

“Thanks. I missed you all too.” Leslie went back inside to Coco then, who was playing card games with Chloe. After that, they watched a movie on TV, he took a look at Jeff's car, and told him he might have to sell it. Coco made pizza for dinner. They tucked Chloe into Coco's bed, and they lay on the couch for hours, talking about their plans. He had to work in L.A. for the next three months, finishing the movie. His house was empty again, and he was living there.

“I can't leave for another month, but then I could come down and stay with you. We can see how it works, and if they drive us crazy. If they do, we can figure out something else. But we might as well try it down there first. That's where you live.” She had made her peace with it the moment she saw him. It was about the person, not the place, and Jane had been right again. You didn't run away because the going got tough, if you loved someone. She knew that. She just got scared in Venice, and after that she got lost in her own fears.

“How's your wrist?” he asked, looking worried, and he wanted to cry when he saw the small scar on her hand. He kissed it, and then she kissed him.

“My wrist is fine. It's my heart that was broken. You just fixed it. I'm all better now.” He smiled and pulled her into his arms.

“Chloe is a lot smarter than we are. She said I had to come here and fix things with you. I wanted to, but I was afraid to. Everything got so screwed up in Venice, I didn't think I had the right to do that to you again, or ask you to take that chance.”

“You're worth it,” Coco said quietly. “I'm sorry it took me so long to figure that out.” He nodded and just held her. It didn't matter how long it had taken, he was back. And then he thought of something else.

“Why can't you come down for another month?”

“Jane's baby,” she said, smiling at him. “I promised I'd be there. He's due in five weeks. And I need to wrap things up here anyway.”

“What are you going to do with your business?”

“Give it to Erin, I think. I have to talk to her about it, but I'm pretty sure she'd like that. She hates her other job, and she can make a decent living at it. I did.” She smiled broadly at him. “I want to go back to school. I can apply to UCLA.”

“Art history?” She nodded.

“I want to figure something out so I can travel with you.”

“I'd like that a lot.” He looked relieved. “My next two pictures are in L.A.” It meant he would be home for the next year. And they both hoped that the paparazzi wouldn't drive them insane. He had already hired a security service to stand guard in an unmarked car outside his house. He wasn't going to take a chance on another Venice happening again, to any of them. And once they lived together, hopefully they'd be old news.

He lay holding her for hours, and then finally went to sleep with Chloe in her bedroom. He hated to leave Coco alone on the couch, but she told him he should. She didn't want Chloe to wake up alone.

“She might think we were doing that disgusting thing she told us about once,” she teased him, and he laughed.

“You'll have to remind me how to do that. I think I've forgotten.”

“I'll remind you when I come to see you in L.A.”

“When will that be?” he asked, looking worried. He didn't want to go for another month without seeing her.

“How does next weekend sound to you, unless you want to come here?” All the pieces of the puzzle were falling back into place again.

“Either way,” he said, as he kissed her again before leaving her for the night. They had a lifetime to work out the details.

Chapter 20

For the next four weekends, she and Leslie took turns visiting each other, in L.A. and at the beach. Her visits to L.A. were uneventful. Paparazzi waited outside restaurants for them, and occasionally stood outside his front gate to take pictures of them as they drove away. A photographer followed them around a supermarket once, but it was so minor compared to what they'd experienced in Italy that neither of them cared.

They went to UCLA together to pick up an application. And he came to Bolinas twice after Chloe went back to New York. He was still on break from the movie for the holidays, and when he came to San Francisco, they had dinner with Jane and Liz. Leslie was startled when he saw how big she was. By then, she could hardly move.

“Don't laugh at me,” Jane scolded him. “It's not funny. You should try feeling like this. If guys had to do this, no one would have kids. I'm not sure I could do this again myself.”

“Next time, it's my turn,” Liz said longingly. She had fallen in love with the idea of her carrying a baby born of Jane's eggs. They were talking about doing that within six months. Liz could hardly wait. But first, Jane had to deliver this one. She had admitted to Coco several times that she was scared, mostly because the baby was so big, and the whole process seemed terrifying to her.

They were both happy to see Leslie again, and to see Coco looking so happy. It had been agonizing watching her misery after Venice. She had mourned Leslie even more than Ian.

Leslie talked to Jane about the movie he was doing. He complained about Madison, and Jane laughed. She had worked with her too, and knew what he was dealing with. Madison was seven months pregnant by then, and they had to shoot around her a lot of the time, and use stunt doubles for anything requiring her body to be seen. The director was furious with her for not telling them she was pregnant when she started the picture. But they were making it work, at considerable expense to them.

And on his last weekend in Bolinas before going back to work, Leslie helped Coco pack some of her things. She was sending a vanload down to L.A. She was keeping her house at the beach. They still weren't sure where they'd wind up in the end, but it no longer mattered. They were together again, and their relationship was better than ever.

She had handed her business over to Erin, which gave her free time to spend with Jane. The baby was only days away. Jane was so bored that Coco and Liz took her out to dinner one night. They had spicy Mexican food, which someone had told Jane would bring on labor. She was willing to try anything. All she got out of it was heartburn. And Coco took her for long walks at Crissy Field. They had just come back late one afternoon, and were chatting in the kitchen, when Jane gave her a startled look.

“Are you okay?” Coco asked her. They were all beginning to feel like the baby would never come. Their mother was on vacation in the Bahamas by then. And they had promised to let her know when it was born.

“I think my water just broke,” Jane said nervously as a pool of water spread around her, where a sea of maple syrup had once been.

“Well, that's good news,” Coco said, smiling at her. “Here we go.” She helped Jane into a chair on a towel, while she mopped up the floor.

“I don't know what you're so happy about,” Jane said tersely. “I'm the one who has to go through this. You and Liz just get to watch.”

“We'll be right there with you,” Coco reassured her, and then helped her upstairs to her bathroom. Her clothes were soaked. “Should we call the doctor?”

“Not yet. The contractions haven't even started yet.” She put on a terrycloth robe, wrapped herself in towels, and lay down. “I wonder how long this is going to take.”

“Hopefully not long,” Coco said, trying to sound convincing. “Why don't you try and get some sleep before it really starts?” Jane nodded and closed her eyes, as Coco turned off the light and pulled the shades. And then she went back to the kitchen and called Liz, who was doing errands downtown. She was excited to hear the news and said she'd be home in half an hour. Coco told her that since the contractions hadn't started, she didn't think there was any rush.

“Once her water's broken, that may not be the case.” She had read all their books on pregnancy again and was well informed. “Keep an eye on her. The contractions could start right away.”

Coco made herself a cup of tea and went upstairs quietly, and she was amazed to find her sister clutching the bed in agony, in the midst of a contraction that didn't seem to stop. Jane couldn't even talk until it was over.

“When did that start?” Coco asked with a look of concern. She didn't want Jane to have the baby at home, but they were a long way from that.

“About five minutes ago. That's the third one I've had. They're really hard, really long, and they're coming pretty fast.” She had another one shortly after, and Coco timed it. It lasted a full minute, and they were three minutes apart.

“Why don't I call the doctor.” Jane nodded and gave her the number. When the nurse answered, Coco told her what was happening. She wanted to know if the contractions were regular, which they weren't because it had been five minutes since the last one, so they were getting farther apart. The nurse told her that they might stop again for a while. But if they were consistently five minutes apart or less, to bring her in. She was going to let the doctor know to expect them anytime within the next few hours.

Nothing happened then for ten minutes. And Jane was having another contraction when Liz walked in. She rushed to the bed and held Jane's hand. She put her hand on her belly, and it was rock hard.

“They really hurt,” Jane said to Liz.

“I know, baby,” she said gently. “It'll be over soon, and then we'll have our little boy.”

Coco left the room to call Leslie and tell him what was happening. He was quiet for a second and then said, “I wish it were ours.” Coco had thought of that too. “How's she doing?” he asked, sounding concerned.

“It looks like it hurts a lot.”

“It does.” He had been there for Chloe's birth, and it had looked awful to him. But Monica still insisted that Chloe was worth it. “Send her my love.” Coco went back into the bedroom to tell Jane, and Liz was helping her sit up. She was going to the bathroom every few minutes and doubled over with pains on the way. She could hardly walk.

Liz turned to Coco with a look of worry mixed with excitement. They had waited a long time for this and now it was finally happening, but she hated to see Jane in so much pain. “They're still irregular,” Liz told Coco, “but she's having a lot of them, and they're very strong. I think that's because her water broke. The books say it can go at a galloping pace after that. Maybe we should take her in.” It was hard to decide.

“I'm not galloping anywhere,” Jane said miserably through clenched teeth as she leaned on Liz. “I want something for the pain.” She was planning to have an epidural at the hospital, but they couldn't give her anything at home.

They waited for another half hour, and by then the pains were four minutes apart. It was time to go. Liz helped her put a sweatsuit on, and slippers. It took both Liz and Coco to get her to the car. Coco was glad the hospital was nearby. And once they got her there, they could hardly get her out of the car. She was crying with the pains.

“This is much worse than I thought,” she said to Liz in a hoarse voice.

“I know. Maybe they can give you an epidural right away.”

“Just tell them to shoot me when I come through the door.” She had another pain then and leaned on Liz while Coco ran inside to get a wheelchair. She told a nurse they were bringing her in. They got Jane into the wheelchair a minute later and wheeled her in, as the nurse smiled at her.

“How are we doing?” the nurse asked as she took over and wheeled Jane to the elevator as Coco and Liz followed, looking slightly frantic. This had gotten rough faster than they thought it would.

“We're not so great,” Jane said in answer to the nurse's question. “I feel like shit.”

“We'll get you all set in a few minutes,” the nurse said in a soothing tone. They were at labor and delivery only minutes after they'd come in, and the nurse who had wheeled her in turned her over to the labor nurses on the floor.

“The pains are three minutes apart,” Liz explained as Jane had another contraction and clutched her hand.

“Okay, let's take a look,” the admitting nurse said cheerfully. “We'll give your doctor a call in a few minutes when we know where things stand.” She didn't say it to her, but sometimes even with heavy contractions, there wasn't much progress. She asked who was coming into the exam room with her, and both Liz and Coco said they would. “Are we waiting for Dad to arrive?” the nurse asked brightly.

“No, we're not,” Liz said quietly. “I'm Dad.” The nurse didn't bat an eye, and escorted all three of them into the room. She had dealt with couples like them before, more and more in recent years. Parents were parents, whatever sex they were. She smiled at both Coco and Liz, and helped Jane out of her clothes. They wrapped her in a hospital gown, and got her onto the bed where she would go through labor and deliver. And with apologies for any discomfort she might cause, the nurse put on latex gloves and did the exam. Jane had a pain right in the middle of it and clutched Liz's arm. And before it was over, she started to cry. It took a long time, and the nurse apologized again.

“I'm sorry, I know that was painful. But we have to know where you are. You're at five. I'll give your doctor a call and let her know, and I'll get the anesthesiologist down right away to start the epidural.”

“Will it hurt?” Jane asked miserably, glancing from the nurse to Liz and Coco. She was still in agony from what the nurse had just done. Nobody had told her it would be like this. It was the worst pain she'd ever felt.

“It won't hurt after you have the epidural.” She hooked up a belt with a fetal monitor then, so they could check the baby's heartbeat and her contractions. It was official now. Jane was in labor. Liz was smiling at her with love in her eyes. “Do we know what the baby is?” the nurse asked before she left the room.

“It's a boy,” Liz said proudly as Jane closed her eyes. Coco hated to see her sister in so much pain, but she was happy for her too. It was a little scary watching it all happen. She had never seen a birth before, even in a movie. Just puppies being born, and that was a lot easier than this.

“Well, it looks like you're going to have your little boy in your arms tonight,” the nurse assured them. “Things are moving along very nicely.” And with that, she disappeared as Jane had another pain. It was a big one. The nurse came back with a clipboard for Jane to sign and Liz to fill out. Jane had preregistered two weeks before so they had her in the computer. They just needed her signature for any emergency procedures. Technically Liz couldn't sign for her, but she did, and had Jane sign too. They were in this together.

The nurse was back for the next contraction, and the anesthesiologist was with her. He explained the procedure for the epidural to them, while the nurse checked again, and Jane burst into tears.

“This is awful,” she said to Liz breathlessly. “I can't do it!”

“Yes, you can,” Liz said quietly, trying to keep her eyes locked onto Jane's.

“We're at six,” the nurse told the doctor, and he looked concerned.

“If this goes too quickly, we may not be able to do the epidural,” he said to Jane as she lay there and sobbed.

“You have to. I can't do this without one.” He looked at the nurse, and he nodded.

“Let's see if we can get it in.” He told her to roll over on her side and round her back for him. She was having another pain and she couldn't do it. She felt as though everything was out of control in her body, and people were doing terrible things to her and wanting her to do things she couldn't. It was the worst experience of her life.

The anesthesiologist managed to get a long catheter into her spine, and then began to feed in the medication. He had her roll on her back then, and the next pain hit her like a tidal wave. She had another one right after, and the medication had had no effect yet. He explained to them that she might be too dilated for it to take effect, and then suddenly the pains stopped. Nothing happened for a full five minutes, which was a relief to Jane.

“The epidural could slow things down,” he explained. And then as quickly as they had stopped, the contractions started again. Jane said they were worse than before. It went on for another ten minutes, and then the nurse checked her again, and Jane cried out in pain and shouted at the nurse.

“Stop doing that!” she screamed at her. “You're hurting me!” And then she just lay in bed and sobbed. The epidural had done nothing for the pain so far.

“I'm going to put in some more medication and see if that works better for you,” the anesthesiologist said calmly as the nurse reported to him.

“We're at ten. I'll get her doctor.”

“Did you hear that?” Liz said to her. “You're at ten. That means you can push. The baby will be out soon.” Jane nodded, looking dazed, and the monitor showed that she was having another contraction, but this time Jane didn't react to it. The medication was working. Everything was happening very fast. They had only been there for an hour, which felt like a lifetime to Jane.

Her obstetrician walked into the room five minutes later. She smiled as she said hello to Jane and Liz, and they introduced her to Coco.

“We're having quite a party here,” she said cheerfully. “I've got good news for you, Jane.” She leaned down close to her so she'd listen. “With the next contraction, you can start pushing. We're going to get that little boy into your arms as fast as we can.”

“I can't feel the contractions now,” Jane said, looking relieved. Her eyes were glazed, as Coco and Liz exchanged a worried look.

“We may lighten up on the medication a little, so you can help us push,” the doctor told her, which panicked Jane.

“No, don't,” Jane said, starting to cry again. Coco was shaken watching her tough older sister disintegrating before her eyes.

“She's doing fine.” The doctor smiled at Liz and Coco, and the nurse put an oxygen mask on Jane as the anesthesiologist left the room. He had another epidural to do for a C-section but said he'd be back. It was a busy night at the hospital. The nurse said there were a lot of deliveries that night.

The monitor said she was having another contraction. They set Jane's long legs up in stirrups and told her to start pushing. Another nurse came in to help. She had a nurse on either side of her, the doctor at the foot watching for the baby's head, and Liz up close to Jane's face. She felt surrounded by people, and they kept telling her to breathe and push. Nothing happened for a while.

Jane pushed for an hour and nothing changed as Coco watched. Everyone was intent on what was happening, and another nurse came into the overcrowded room with a plastic bassinet.

“I can't do it,” Jane said, sounding exhausted. “I can't push anymore. Get him out.”

“No,” the doctor said cheerfully from the foot of the bed. “That's your job. You have to help us now.” They told her to push harder and asked Liz to brace Jane's shoulders, while each of the nurses braced her feet. The anesthesiologist came in then, and the doctor told him to ease up the medication, and Jane begged him not to. It went on for another hour. She'd been pushing for two hours by then, and nothing was happening. The doctor said she could see the baby's hair, but that was all she could see so far.

They did an episiotomy then, and used forceps. It took another hour and Jane was screaming, as Coco stood on one side of her, and Liz on the other, and she had to keep pushing until she said she was dying. She let out a hideous scream that Coco thought she would remember forever, and slowly, slowly, the baby's head started to come out of her until there was a little face looking up at them with wide eyes. Liz and Coco were crying, and Jane was staring down at him, and her face turned purple as she pushed harder. They got his shoulders out and then the rest of him, and there was a long wail in the room and this time it wasn't Jane crying, it was their baby. They cut the cord, wrapped him in a blanket, and laid him on Jane as she sobbed and looked at Liz in agony and elation. She had never done anything so hard in her life and hoped she never would again.

“He's so beautiful,” they all said as they looked at him. They took him to clean him off and weigh him, while they delivered the placenta and sewed Jane up.

“He weighs nine pounds, fifteen ounces,” the nurse said proudly and then handed him to Liz. “You delivered a ten-pound baby,” she told Jane. It had taken her three hours to push him out. It was easy to see why. He was huge, and Coco looked at him in amazement. They let her hold him, and then she gave him back to Jane. She put him to her breast, and he lay there sucking quietly with big blue eyes, staring at his mother. He had beautiful hands and long legs just like hers. Liz was standing close to her, kissing her and smiling and talking to their baby, who seemed to recognize their voices as he looked at Liz and Jane.

Coco stayed with them for another hour until they took Jane to a room. She was exhausted. Liz was spending the night, so Coco went back to the house, still in awe of what she'd seen. She kissed Jane and Liz before she left and congratulated them, as Liz picked up the phone to call Jane's mother and tell her Bernard Buzz Barrington II had finally made his appearance, and all of them were thrilled.

When Coco got back to the house, she called Leslie and told him all about it, and how painful it had been for her sister. But how happy she looked when he was born.

“The next one will be ours,” Leslie said gently. “Tell Jane and Liz congratulations for me.” He promised to come up that weekend to see him, and then Coco was going back to L.A. with him. The baby had arrived two days before his due date. And now it was Coco's turn to begin a new life. It was exactly eight months since the day they met. It had taken almost as long as Jane's baby.

Chapter 21

As he had promised to, Leslie came up on Saturday. Jane was home from the hospital by then. She was weak, sore, and ecstatic. She and Liz fussed constantly over the baby. The baby nurse they'd hired was there and showing them everything they needed to know about caring for him. Jane was nursing. It was a perfect time for Coco to leave.

Leslie and Coco had dinner with Jane and Liz that night, and Leslie held the baby, and looked very comfortable with him. Coco said a tearful goodbye to her sister. She felt closer to her now after sharing the birth.

Coco and Leslie flew to Los Angeles the next day, and Leslie had filled the house with flowers for her before he left. Everything was immaculate and looked perfect. He had cleared two huge closets for her. And there had been no paparazzi outside when they got there. His security service was patrolling the house.

He even made dinner for her that night.

“How did I ever get so lucky?” she asked in wonder as she kissed him.

“I'm the lucky one,” he said, looking at her with wonder. He still couldn't believe she was finally with him. They had both passed the test in Venice, and the two agonizing months after. There was no question in their minds now. They knew they belonged together.

They called Chloe that night and told her Coco was there and had moved in. They had told her she would, when Chloe went back to New York at New Year's, and she was thrilled. She could hardly wait to come out and see them.

“Are you going to have a baby now?” Chloe asked pointedly, and Coco wondered if she was worried, as Jane must have been when she was born. She didn't want that to happen to Chloe. There was enough love for all of them, and she wanted Chloe to know that.

“Not yet,” her father answered solemnly, but he hoped they would.

“Are you getting married?” she asked with a smile in her voice.

“We haven't discussed it yet, but if we do, we won't do it without you. I promise,” her father told her.

“I want to be a bridesmaid.”

“You're hired. Now all we need are the bride and groom.”

“That's you and Coco, Daddy,” she said, laughing. “You're silly.”

“So are you. That's why I love you,” he teased her. And after they hung up, he turned to Coco, who had been listening on the other phone. “She has a point, you know, about our getting married. I'm a respectable man. You can't expect me to live in sin with you. That would be very brazen of you. And think what the tabloids would do with that! 'Major movie star lives with dog-walker.' Positively shocking,” he said as he kissed her.

“I'm not a dog-walker anymore. You don't need to worry,” she said, rolling over on their bed with a look of pleasure. She still felt like Cinderella. Even more so now. The glass slipper was hers and it fit her to perfection.

“Well, even though you're not a dog-walker, I do have a reputation to worry about. What do you think? Should we do it? Just to give Chloe a shot at being a bridesmaid? I think that's an excellent reason myself. The other reason of course is that I love you insanely, and before you run away from me again, I'd like to establish some ownership here. Will you marry me, Coco?” He had slid off the bed, and was kneeling next to it, looking into her eyes with a serious expression. He looked as though he were about to cry from the emotion. And Coco felt moved to tears as she listened.

“Yes, I will,” she said quietly. Their life together was about to begin. She was going to be Cinderella forever. She had found her handsome prince. “Will you marry me?” she asked him just as tenderly.

“With pleasure.” He smiled and climbed into bed with her. It was her first night in their new home, the one they would share for better or worse, or until the paparazzi did them in.

Chapter 22

Jane and Liz had spent the whole morning overseeing the flowers. The caterers had been in the kitchen since late the night before. The house looked spectacular with white roses everywhere and topiary trees covered with them. Jane had to stop giving instructions to the moving men, to nurse the baby and then came back to change everything around again. They were expecting a hundred people by six o'clock, and she wanted everything to be perfect. She had the baby nurse sewing white ribbons on garlands the florist was putting on the staircase. The baby was four months old, and he was so big he looked a year old.

The activity in the house was overwhelming, and at four o'clock, Liz and Jane went upstairs to get dressed, and the baby nurse put the baby down for a nap. He was an easy baby, and she loved working for them. She said they were the nicest couple she'd ever met. Jane still hadn't gone back to work. And Liz was planning to do artificial insemination in July, using Jane's donor eggs. Jane had just turned forty, but her FSH tests showed that they were holding up. And Liz wanted to carry Jane's child. Buzz had been a wonderful addition to their life. They hoped the next one would be a girl.

“Maybe we should get married,” Liz suggested as they shared the bathroom to get dressed.

“I'll do it if you want to, but I've felt married to you for years in my heart,” Jane said with a smile.

“So have I,” Liz said as she zipped up Jane's dress. She was wearing a pale blue cocktail dress, and Liz was wearing gray satin. They had seen to every possible detail, and were proud of the results. And it felt right to both of them that it should happen here, where it all began.

They were back downstairs at five-thirty just in time to greet Jane's mother and Gabriel. Not surprisingly their mother was wearing a champagne-colored satin suit that was almost white. Jane had made a bet with Liz that she would do something like that, and wear white or close to it to her daughter's wedding. It was so like her, and totally predictable.

“She wouldn't dare,” Liz had said. “She wouldn't do that to Coco.”

“Ten bucks says she would,” Jane said firmly, and Liz had taken the bet. And as Florence came through the door, Jane turned to Liz with a broad grin. “You owe me ten bucks.” They both laughed. And greeted Gabriel, who was wearing a very proper dark blue suit, and carrying Alyson, who had just turned three. He and Florence had just celebrated the second anniversary of their union. And they were going to Paris and the South of France in July. They were going to stay at the Hotel du Cap, and then Florence had chartered a yacht for them for two weeks to go to Sardinia and visit friends. Gabriel hadn't made a movie all year, he was too busy traveling with Florence. Liz commented that she looked happier every time she saw her. Liz didn't say it, but she had never seen her as happy when she was married to Jane's father. Gabriel was good for her. And he looked comfortable and relaxed. Their life together was one long vacation. He had just moved into her house.

Leslie's parents had come from England and were chatting with Jane and Liz. All of the guests had arrived by six-thirty Coco was waiting downstairs so no one would see her, when Leslie arrived with Chloe. She was wearing a pink organdy dress that reached the floor, and she looked like a little princess. Liz told her that and she beamed. She wanted to play with the baby, but Jane was afraid he'd spit up and ruin her dress, so she told her she had to wait till later.

The music began at six-thirty as they heard a helicopter whirring overhead. There were police guarding the house outside, and motorcycle cops cruising the street. They looked up at the helicopter and identified it as press. There was a photographer hanging out a window with a long lens. The cops shrugged. They wouldn't get much. Everyone was inside.

And when the caterer told her to, Coco came upstairs. She entered from the dining room, looking stately and spectacular in a white satin dress that molded her figure, and trailed behind her. There was a long train, and all she could see as she walked through the crowd seated in Liz and Jane's living room was Leslie, with the bay behind him and Chloe at his side. It was all she needed to see and all she wanted now. There was a helicopter flying past the house and she didn't care. She knew what it was, and that there were probably a lot of them in their future. All that mattered was Leslie, and Chloe, and the life they would share.

They exchanged their vows as everyone watched them and her mother cried. She was holding Gabriel's hand and pressed it lightly when the groom said “I do.” And then Leslie kissed Coco, and their life began.

It was a perfect wedding and exactly what Coco had wanted. Her family was there, and the people they loved and who loved them. Leslie's friends had come up from L.A. His family had come from England, and Jeff from the beach was there. He and his wife had been immensely flattered to be asked. They had had the wedding at Jane's house to avoid the press. It was safer here, behind closed doors, in her sister's home.

They were going on a honeymoon by chartered plane to an undisclosed location and taking Chloe with them. Coco had wanted her to come, and Leslie hoped she would have a little brother or sister soon.

There was a dance floor in the dining room, and people wandered through the garden on the warm night. And a disco had been set up with a Lucite floor over the swimming pool. It was the best party San Francisco had ever seen.

At midnight, after they served the wedding cake, Coco walked halfway up the stairs to throw her bouquet. She aimed it carefully and hit her in the chest. She didn't want her mother to miss it. Florence caught the bouquet and pressed it to her heart as Gabriel smiled at her. He knew what she had in mind, and it was fine with him. They shared a last dance after the bride and groom left, and he kissed her. By then, Jane and Liz were downstairs doing the samba in the disco with all of Leslie's friends from L.A.

Leslie, Coco, and Chloe drove off in a limousine. The police held the crowds back, and the helicopter whirred overhead. Two motorcycle cops were riding ahead of them, and they sped off to the airport with Chloe between them. Coco was smiling, and Leslie looked like the happiest man in the world. The three of them were holding hands.

“We did it,” Coco whispered to him with a victorious look. The paparazzi hadn't grabbed them. No one had gotten hurt. No one had terrified them or Chloe. They were safe, and together, and they had gotten there just the way he said they would.

“So are you going to do it now?” Chloe asked her father as they drove away.

“What?” He was looking at Coco, and his mind was on other things.

“The disgusting thing.” Chloe giggled.

“Chloe!” He scolded her and then grinned. “I have no idea what you mean.”

“You remember. When Mom said that…”

He cut her off quickly. “Never mind.”

“Okay,” she said, smiling up at Coco. “I love you guys,” she said happily. She loved her dad, and Coco was her best friend.

“We love you too,” Leslie and Coco said in unison, and then leaned over to kiss over her head, and then bent down to kiss her. And as they sped toward the airport, Coco smiled at Leslie. He had been right after all. Things had worked out just the way they should. One day at a time.

ONE DAY AT A TIME

A Delacorte Press Book/March 2009

Published by Bantam Dell

A Division of Random House, Inc.

New York, New York

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents

either are the product of the author's imagination or are used

fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead,

events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved

Copyright © 2009 by Danielle Steel

Delacorte Press is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc., and the colophon is a trademark of Random House, Inc.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Steel, Danielle.

One day at a time/Danielle Steel.

p. cm.

eISBN: 978-0-307-56630-0

1. Mothers and daughters—Fiction. 2. Sisters—Fiction. 3. Family—Fiction.

4. Hollywood (Los Angeles, Calif.)—Fiction. 5. Domestic fiction. I. Title.

PS3569.T33828O64 2009

813′.54—dc22

v3.0

Table of Contents

Cover

Other Books By This Author

Title Page

Dedication

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Copyright