Epilogue - Colin

Obsession by definition is a persistent, disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling. It suits what Annie and I had perfectly. Her voice carried the whispers of my subconscious. Her breath gave me new life. Her submission gave me purpose. There must be goodness to counter evil in order to accurately gauge the weight of the sin. She was my hope, my reflection, my everything.

I pressed a kiss to Annie’s forehead before leaving the room quietly, not wanting to disturb her from her sleep. I felt light and relaxed, but I knew I was depleting that from her. I knew I was going to use up her goodness until I drained her dry and there was nothing left. The idea made my stomach turn, but I was like a junkie needing his next hit. Annabel was my drug of choice.

Crave.

Use.

Crave.

Use.

Destroy.

My heart palpitated, skin flushed and my eyes dilated, trying desperately to take in everything that she was. The beginning and end of all things. The logical side of my brain, the small part of my subconscious left sober, knew it was limerence but it didn’t matter. I craved her just the same.

If I could make her happy, keep her safe, I would redeem myself. I ran my hands roughly through my hair, hating the convoluted path my thoughts were taking. I should be happy, but all I felt was worry in the depths of my stomach that I would somehow take this precious flower and crush her in my palm.

Winning her heart was only a victory for myself. I knew that. But I would try. I had to try to rid my mind of the cancerous past so I could give her the future she deserved.

I paced the floor for hours as I struggled to control my inner demons. They should have died along with my father, but I could still feel them clinging to my soul. Love wasn’t an easy fix. It would take time for me to overcome and change, adapt for her. I sat at the dining room table, empty glass in hand that still held a few lingering drops of whiskey. The stairs creaked under Connor’s weight as he cleared his throat.

“I didn’t think you’d be up,” he said as he walked around me and into the kitchen. He returned with a glass and his gaze fell to the nearly empty whiskey bottle. I picked it up and filled out glasses as he sat down at the head of the table.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Death of your father will do that to you.”

I slid his glass to him and he nodded in appreciation. “That was a long time coming. I only wish it was me who pulled the trigger.” I took a drink, my gums long numb.

“To justice finally being served.” He raised his tumbler before drinking back the amber liquid without flinching. I shook my head, anger with no direction consuming me.

“Where is the justice for Annabel? Her life is ruined. She can’t go back to school.”

“The day I found the two of you along the road, I knew I had to help you. The look in your eye when you told me about Annie was something I had seen in my own nearly twenty years ago. I wasn’t able to save Charlotte, but I knew I could help you save Annabel.”

“Charlotte had cancer. You couldn’t have done anything.”

“That may be, but your situation wasn’t much better. You risked your life for her. I knew there would be a day when you both would stop fighting what was between you.”

“Annie could be saved…” I shook my head as I poured the rest of my drink into my mouth.

“When she needed you, you were always there. You are not your father.”

“I’m not the hero either.”

“I bet she would say differently.” He raised his eyebrow as he spun the glass in his fingers.

“She doesn’t understand.”

“Doesn’t she? She came face to face with Taylor. You had a choice, and once again, you chose her.”

“He ruined me, Connor. He destroyed me.”

“That’s not true, and you proved it again. What is really scaring you, Colin? We both know you would die before you hurt her, so what is really plaguing you?” He leaned forward against the table.

“I can’t give her what she needs.”

“What is it she needs?”

“Love.” My eyes met his and my vision blurred.

“You don’t think what you feel for her is love?”

“I have no idea.”

“Is her face what you see when you go to bed, what you dream of when you sleep?”

“Since the day I met her.”

He smiled and his gaze fell as he thought. “I don’t think that’s your problem at all. I think you’re scared to let her love you back.”

“She deserves better.”

“Love…” He ran his hand over his chin and relaxed back in his chair. “Let me tell you something, son, that I should have told you a long time ago but was too stubborn in my own right to understand. Love isn’t something you can take. You give it, and if you’re lucky, it is given to you. You deserve to be happy.”

“Do you really believe that, knowing what all I have done?”

“If I didn’t you wouldn’t be sitting at this table with me. I may be old, but I would have done whatever needed to be done to keep that girl safe. But you were just a child yourself, Colin. This isn’t your burden to carry.”

I hung my head as I thought about his perception of me. It baffled me that a man that I respected so much could look at me and not see a monster. It was then that I realized I was nothing like Taylor. He never felt any guilt or remorse. He took from people until they had nothing left to give but their lives. I could never do that to Annabel.







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