Promises

CHAPTER 23

AFTER that, Matt made no effort to hide our relationship. He still had his apartment, but more and more of his things were finding their way to my house, and he spent every night in my bed. I certainly had no complaints about that, but I was surprised to find that I was suddenly the one who wanted to avoid being seen together in public. When we weren’t lovers and I knew people might think we were, it hadn’t mattered. But now that it was true, I was suddenly embarrassed. I was sure that everybody was staring or whispering about us. I knew it was childish and completely illogical, but I couldn’t seem to stop worrying about it. And it wasn’t hard to convince him to stay home with me those first few days.

The biggest point of contention, however, quickly became his coworkers. Specifically, my unwillingness to meet them or spend time with them.

“Jared, just meet them,” he said on more than one occasion.

“Why would I want to meet them? I know what they think of me.”

“I know it will be awkward at first, but it will help in the long run.”

“No!” I couldn’t believe he expected me to subject myself to their derision.

That exchange began to take on the repetition of a broken record.

Of course we went to Lizzy and Brian’s for Thanksgiving dinner. The minute Matt walked in the door, Lizzy flew at him and threw her arms around him with a squeal.

“Oh Matt, it’s so good to see you!”

“You, too, Lizzy.”

“I told Jared you would pull your head out of your ass eventually!”

He turned bright red but said, “Right, as usual.”

She beamed at him.

Brian brought James in and started to hand him to Matt. Matt’s reaction was the same as mine had been.

“I can’t hold him! What if I drop him?”

“You won’t.”

James looked tiny in Matt’s big hands. Matt sat on the couch holding him for a while.

He unwrapped him and checked all of his fingers and toes. He brushed his fingers over James’s cheek and smiled when James turned his head toward them, his tiny lips making suckling sounds.

“He’s so tiny.”

“Yes.” Lizzy rubbed her hand on the top of Matt’s head. “Are you going to help Jared watch him on our date night?”

“You bet.”

“Then I hereby name you an honorary uncle. Uncle Matt.”

He gave her his dazzling smile. “I like the sound of that.”

THE day of my meeting with the high school committee arrived. I made an effort to look a little more respectable than usual. I spent a ridiculously long time trying to get all of my curls back into a ponytail and wore the one pair of slacks that I owned and a button-up shirt and tie.

“Wow.” Matt said when I came out of the bedroom. “You’re really pulling out all the stops. Are you nervous?”

“Very.”

“It will be fine. I’ll have a beer open for you when you get back.”

I felt like I was going off to war, and I was armed for battle. I had thought it over and decided that I was going to fight them. I took a copy of my teacher’s certificate with me and the supportive letters I had received from some of the parents. If the parents wanted me to tutor their kids, why did the school have to get involved at all?

Walking into the high school was strange. I hadn’t been there since I was a student fifteen years earlier, but it seemed like nothing had changed. The mural on the wall was the same; the strange speckled linoleum was the same. Even the weird smell was the same. I felt sure that I could walk up to my old locker and open it up, and my books would still be sitting there waiting for me. It brought back all those feelings from my high school years of trying to hide what I knew I was. It didn’t help my confidence any.

The “committee” consisted of four people. Mr. Stevens, the band director, was one of them. Alice Rochester started to make introductions, and I was surprised that they were assuming we were all on a first-name basis.

“This is Ann, our math teacher.” Alice indicated a small blonde woman, younger than me, who probably had every one of her male students wrapped around her finger. “And Roger, our science teacher.” About my age, but short and pudgy. “And I think you know Bill, our band instructor.” Of course he was wearing a bow tie. I shook hands all around and then sat in the chair they had left for me.

“Jared,” Alice began, “we’ve been hearing a lot about you lately. Several of our students have been talking, and we’ve had a few calls from parents too.”

“Look, if this is about the tutoring, I have notes from the parents, and I have my teaching certificate—”

“You brought it with you? Oh good! I meant to ask. So, I take it you know why you’re here?”

“I assume it’s because somebody thinks that I can’t tutor a few kids without acting like a damn pedophile and groping a few of them, but I assure you—”

Suddenly there was a lot of fidgeting and paper rustling, and everybody was looking up at the ceiling, appearing very flustered. Everybody except Mr. Stevens. “Jared,” he said kindly, “I’m afraid you have greatly misconstrued the purpose of this meeting.”

“I have?”

“Would I be here if the agenda was simply to persecute you for your sexual orientation?”

“Um….” I felt like an idiot. I looked around at everybody. Alice and Roger were still fidgeting and looking somewhere over my head, but Ann was smiling at me. “Jesus. I’m sorry.” Why can’t I ever keep my mouth shut? I couldn’t have just waited to see what they had to say before I started raving at them? I took a couple of deep breaths, and when I looked around again, I was relieved to see that they had started to look at me again. “Boy, this is embarrassing. Listen, how about I just shut up, and we can start over?”

Alice gave me her toothpaste commercial smile again. “Jared, I had no idea you were expecting to be attacked when you came in here, although it does clarify parts of our conversation the other day.” Just when I thought I couldn’t be more embarrassed. “I should have been clearer. The reason we asked you to come here today is this: we’d like to offer you a position here at the school.”

And if she had told me that she was going to strip naked and jump off the building, I wouldn’t have been more surprised. “You mean, like a job?”

“Yes. ‘Like a job’.” Her mouth twisted into a lopsided grin, and I think she almost winked when she said that. “The truth is, Jared, most of our teachers are overloaded right now. They’re teaching more subjects than they can handle, and many of them are teaching subjects which they never specialized in. The higher math and science classes especially have been, um, a little bit problematic.”

“What Alice is too nice to say,” Ann cut in, “is that Roger and I don’t know what the hell we’re doing.” Alice started to protest, but Ann cut her off. “It’s true. I never intended to be a math teacher. That’s just how things ended up. I can teach the lower level classes fine, but the truth is, advanced algebra and calculus are over my head.” She looked over at Roger.

He nodded. “It’s true. I’m a biologist. And I can manage with chemistry. But physics is beyond me.”

Alice started again now. “Ann and Roger have been doing their best, but the fact is it’s a terrible disservice to the students.” Nods all around.

Ann spoke again. “We don’t have that many students who make it to calculus or who want to take physics, but there are a few. So many of them struggle, and I’ve never been able to help them much.” I remembered Ringo saying his teacher didn’t know anything. I hadn’t realized he was right. “But all of a sudden, this year, students started getting A’s. They started catching me making mistakes.” She was turning red. “That’s not fun in a class of high school kids, let me tell you. And it wasn’t long before we started hearing all about you.”

“So, you want me to teach?” I knew that was a stupid question, but I couldn’t seem to wrap my brain around it. I had been so sure that I was walking into a battle. I still hadn’t quite recovered.

“The position would start in January, at midterm. I’ve put together a package for you with information on benefits and pay. We can’t pay you much. You could make more teaching in Boulder or Fort Collins, but since you already have a home here in Coda, we thought maybe we could convince you.” She handed me a folder filled with papers. “Take some time to think about it and talk it over with your family. Feel free to call me with any other questions in the meantime.”

“The fact that I’m gay isn’t a problem?”

It was Mr. Stevens who answered, and I realized he had probably been included in this meeting specifically for this reason. “It’s not a problem as far as the school is concerned. I can’t lie to you—there will be parents who will complain. Not many, but a few. However, the fact remains that, like band, physics, advanced algebra, and calculus are all electives. So parents can decide. If their personal prejudices are more important than the furthering of their children’s education, well, frankly, it’s not our problem. I’m not going to lie to you, Jared. It’s not always easy. Kids can be mean and so can their parents. But it can also be very rewarding.”

“I, uh….” I wasn’t exactly being articulate. “I’m really sorry about earlier. I had no idea. I really don’t know what to say.”

“Well, we hope you’ll say ‘yes.’”