Raid

Chapter Eighteen I Wake Up Happy

Three weeks later …

I was rushing around my bedroom, getting ready. I’d spent too much time amongst my perfumes trying to pick one, only to go back to Agent Provocateur, the one Raid liked, so I was running late.

I ran to the closet and was faced with another decision regarding flip-flops when my cell on the bed rang.

I dashed to it, saw the display and put it to my ear.

“Hey, honey, I’m running late,” I told Raiden.

“This is good since I am too,” he replied. “You wanna save us twenty minutes and I’ll meet you at Rache’s?”

“Sure, I’ll cycle in.”

“Babe, drive.”

Rough and commanding.

I ignored it. This was my baby. Willow was safe, but my Schwinn spent the night in my garage and nowhere else, except, of course, outside Raid’s den. But Raiden didn’t sleep at his den anymore, so now it was the garage and the garage only.

“That would mean I’d need to leave my Z in town overnight, and Rachelle will let me keep my bike in her back room.”

“We’ll leave the Jeep in town and drive your Z home. We can pick it up tomorrow.”

This idea was a good one so I agreed to it. “Okay, sweetheart.”

“See you there,” he told me.

“Right. ‘Bye, sweetheart.”

“Later, babe.”

I stopped dashing around, which meant I had plenty of time to make the perfect flip-flop choice.

I did this, locked up the house and moved to the garage to get my Z.

“Yo!” Rachelle greeted on a shout when I walked into her café and the bell over the door rang.

I had failed to note that Rachelle’s Café looked like it had been torn off the island of Nantucket and planted in Willow, Colorado. Of course, I’d never been to Nantucket, but I’d seen pictures, and Rachelle’s Café was it. It had tables all through and a long counter ran down one side. The rest was all serene colors and breezy décor, and trust me, décor could be “breezy”.

It was awesome.

Rachelle was behind the counter with her Mom in front of her.

“Hey,” I called.

“Hey there, Hanna,” Mrs. Miller called back.

I smiled and moved to them.

Needless to say, Raiden and I now living together, and regardless that he was out of town quite a bit, us having actual time together under our belts, we’d been to dinner at Mrs. Miller’s house.

I knew her all my life, liked her all that time, and after going to dinner at her place I liked her better. She was as she always was: nice, friendly and easy to talk to, but I discovered she was also a good cook.

I also got to know her boyfriend, Gazza, better. Gazza was English, as in actually from England, but, like he’d been a mountain man his whole life, he incongruously carved logs into totem poles or eagles and the like. He did this for a living, selling them out of the front yard in his house up in the foothills.

He was a good guy that everyone liked. Mrs. Miller and Gazza didn’t live together, but they’d been together for years and they somehow made being together in separate places work. It was also known in town that it was Ruthie Miller who wanted her own space and Gazza loved her enough to accept her as she came, which, of course, made everyone like him more.

I thought it was even cooler, knowing now that she was a woman who had a man who was not all that great, so she only accepted life and love on her terms, but put the effort in to make it work.

Then again, I was learning the Millers (notwithstanding Mr. Miller, wherever he was) were cool all around.

I stopped and Rachelle asked, “Dinner or flyby for a coffee a la Rachelle?”

“Raid and I are going to the double feature at the Deluxe tonight, but he’s running late so quick dinner, not a flyby.”

For some reason, this statement made Rachelle roar with laughter, but Mrs. Miller’s face grew bright.

“Dog Day Afternoon and French Connection?” she asked excitedly.

“Yep,” I answered. “Kickass 70’s Movie Night at the Deluxe, though they missed a great marketing opportunity by not naming it that and instead calling it 70’s Masterpiece Theater at the Deluxe.” She smiled big, and having taken in her earlier expression I offered, “Do you want to join us?”

She shook her head. “Love to. Plans with Gazz. Another time.”

I nodded, looked at Rachelle and smiled through my hopefully not too nosy question of, “Can I ask why you were laughing?”

“My son,” Mrs. Miller started to answer the question I’d asked her daughter, so I looked back at her, “was never a kid who sat around watching TV and playing video games. He also didn’t go to movies. He climbed trees. He raced around on that skateboard of his, without a helmet, I’ll add, no matter how often I got on him about that. He’d disappear into the woods or the foothills and be gone all day doing God knows what. Him sitting through a double feature is out of character,” she explained, but it was not really an explanation for why that would be funny.

Then Rachelle gave me the explanation that Mrs. Miller was too well-mannered to give.

“Not even for his bitches back in the day did he sit his ass in a theater. If they didn’t tramp through the woods with him or…” he eyes slid to her Mom, “whatever, they were toast. So it’s hilarious seeing my big, scary, badass brother so… totally… whipped.”

My mouth dropped open, but Mrs. Miller’s snapped loudly, “Rachelle!”

She grinned unrepentantly at her mother and made a whiplash noise.

“I’m not sure Raiden is whipped,” I shared, and Rachelle looked at me.

Then she laid it out.

Scarily, wonderfully, and as Rachelle had a tendency to do, hilariously.

“Your Honor, exhibit A: the pretty girl calls him Raiden when no one calls him Raiden because he fuckin’ hates to be called Raiden,” she said and I stared.

I didn’t know that.

“Rache, don’t say the f-word,” Mrs. Miller hissed.

Rachelle ignored her mother. “Exhibit B: Raid sits his ass in a movie theater, probably spending those hours not watching the movie but thinking of shit he could blow up, tracks he can race on an ATV or other things he could be using that time getting up to with his girl.”

“I’m so sorry, Hanna, when she’s on a roll—” Mrs. Miller started to say to me.

“Exhibit C,” Rachelle pushed on, but her face changed, her eyes locked on me and she finished, “he lets go and laughs. All the fuckin’ time. Finally letting people see he’s actually genuinely happy.”

I knew what she was saying and my throat instantly clogged.

“I’ll get you a white wine,” she stated in conclusion.

She ducked her head, hiding her eyes and moved away.

With difficulty, I swallowed and felt my hand taken in Mrs. Miller’s.

“Can we sit a bit before Raid gets here?” she requested on a hand squeeze.

I nodded. Still coping with Rachelle’s emotional bombs and uncertain about sitting a bit with Raid’s mother, I had no choice, so we moved to a table by the window.

She sat opposite me.

I’d learned, seeing as I was dealing with one of the Millers, so I braced.

It was a good thing to do.

“Don’t let Rachelle upset you,” she said.

“I’m not upset,” I assured her, which was kind of a lie. I was upset, but not in a bad way.

Actually, I was moved.

“We’re just… we’re just…” she looked out the window then back at me, “real happy that he’s settling down.”

I nodded.

Her eyes drifted out the window, and to give her time without my gaze on her, mine did too.

“He talks to you.”

It was barely a whisper, but I heard it and I looked at her.

Her eyes were still out the window.

When I didn’t have a ready answer, she kept going, aiming her words to me but out the window.

“He came back and he…” I watched her pull in breath, “life changes people. Things happen. It’s the way life is, but that was… that wasn’t how he was different.”

Oh God.

She turned her head and looked right at me.

“He was gone. We tried, Rache and me to… well, he shut us down. He would smile, pretend to be himself, but he wasn’t. A mother knows. A sister knows. He wasn’t our Raid.”

“I know,” I replied softly.

“He’s back,” she declared, and my heart skipped.

“I—”

Her hand shot across the table and closed around mine so hard it caused pain.

“He talks to you.” It wasn’t a statement but a question.

I couldn’t tell her how he did, but he didn’t.

I just said, “Yes, Mrs. Miller. He talks to me.”

“Ruthie, honey, told you to call me Ruthie.”

She did so I nodded again.

Her hand tightened further around mine and I fought back a wince.

“You’ll find out, I pray to God, you’ll find out that a mother has many nightmares. I know that sounds funny, but don’t get me wrong. You’re happy to live with them, because to be a mother, you get to create these tiny little living, breathing dreams that grow up to be splendid things. But for a woman with a son, that’s the worst. When he’s gone. What he’s doing. You pray so much he comes back safe, you forget to pray to God to keep him safe from all the ways he could be damaged. My son was damaged.”

Her hand lifted mine an inch off the table and her eyes got bright.

Mine did too.

“Thank you for fixing him,” she whispered.

I held her hand tight right back, leaned in and said gently, but honestly, “My work isn’t done, Ruthie.”

“I’m sure. But I have faith in you.”

Oh God.

I swallowed back the tears.

“I’ll do my best,” I promised.

“You already are.”

Seriously. This was beautiful, but I could take no more.

“You know,” I blurted, “Grams would lose it if she saw me, a Boudreaux, crying in the local café.”

“Then pull yourself together, bitch,” Rachelle, there with my wine and setting it on the table, declared. “Suck that back.” She advised and turned to her mother. “Mom, Raid walks in here and sees you all mushy with his woman, he’s gonna lose his mind. Suck it up.”

Then she flounced away.

Ruthie looked at me, her mouth twitching. “She’s not wrong.”

“You made him so I’m sure you know this a lot better than me, but he can have his macho man fit. It’ll blow over, and through it we just do our own thing.”

Her eyes lit, her hand let mine go and she replied, “Now I’m seeing how you can wring miracles.”

“I give all the credit to Grams and KC. Grams is wise and says it straight. KC lives with an alpha and also says it straight. They’re my gurus,” I shared.

“If you need another guru, you know where to find me, and do not take that as me asking you to share with me where my son is at. If he wants me to know that, he’ll tell me. You’re not on the hot seat. Just that I know Raid pretty well and I’m happy to do my bit.”

I smiled at her.

She smiled back then shouted, “Rache! I’m off!”

“I’ll call Gazz and warn him you’re on the emotional warpath and he’s up next on your agenda,” Rachelle shouted back.

Ruthie had stood through this and she smiled down at me. “Again, she’s not wrong.”

I giggled.

She reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear.

That was familiar, coming from a Miller.

And sweet.

I stopped giggling.

“Later, Hanna.”

“Have a good night with Gazz, Ruthie.”

She winked at me and took off.

I sipped wine, looked out the window and dragged in a deep breath to pull myself together.

I sort of accomplished this feat when I felt a presence join me at the table. I jumped in surprise, but turned my head smiling, thinking I’d see Raiden.

It wasn’t Raiden.

It was a good-looking, well-dressed man staring at me with eyes that were almost as amazing as Raid’s.

Thinking he was going to come onto me, I told him, “Sorry, I’m waiting for someone.”

“Yes. And when he gets here, I’m asking you to give Miller a message to give to Knight.”

My back went straight, my skin started tingling (and not in a good way) and I stared.

He didn’t hesitate.

“Tell him to tell Knight that he’s being careful, but not careful enough. Tell him that Nair is not going to give up. Tell him he’s going to have to do something in a permanent way to shut Nair down. Do you have that?”

My eyes narrowed even as my hand shifted back toward my cell in my pocket. “Who are you?”

“I’m Nick. Miller will get me. Knight will definitely get me. And you, don’t worry. Nair is not focused on Miller. He doesn’t even know who Miller is. He’s not focused on anybody but Knight. Nair has no clue you exist and doesn’t give a fuck. But I needed a way in. You were it.”

“If you have something to say to—” I began.

“If you want me to lead them to your man, then yeah, I’ll talk direct to him. If you want them to keep their focus on my brother, then you’ll tell Miller everything I said.”

Before I could reply, he was up and gone.

I blinked after him.

Then I looked around and saw the half-full café, most everyone concentrating on their food or conversation. Rachelle was nowhere to be seen, probably in the kitchen.

I wondered if anyone saw him, but they didn’t appear to. No one was paying attention.

I pulled out my phone and had my head down, fingers moving on it to call Raid when the bell over the door went.

I jumped and looked up to see Raiden smiling at me and coming my way.

He rounded the table, bent into me, swept my hair back and kissed my neck. Then he stayed there to run his nose up the skin, which made that skin tingle, but in a good way this time.

He continued to stay there when he whispered in my ear, “Love it when my girl’s perfume is fresh. Hey, baby.”

“Hey,” I replied.

His hand went out of my hair and he rounded the table, shouting, “Rache! Beer and get a move on with two specials. Hanna and I are running late!”

“Keep your pants on!” was shouted from the kitchen.

“Lose some coin if you don’t hustle. We can get a slice from down the street!” Raid yelled.

“Two specials coming up!” was returned.

Luckily, Rachelle owned the café, so the Millers acting like, well, what I was coming to know as the Millers worked it.

Raid settled opposite me and he barely got his behind in the chair when I announced, “One minute ago, a well-dressed man I’ve never seen in my life sat right where you are and told me to tell you to tell Knight that he’s not being careful enough. A person named Nair isn’t going to give up and Knight has to do something permanent to get him to give up.”

Raid, his eyes locked on me, froze. The air around him froze. In fact, the entire café froze as he stared at me.

Then I felt eyes on me because the menace rolling off Raiden was so immense, we were capturing attention even though no words were being said.

In other words, I wasn’t the only one who could feel it, and it was so strong this was not a surprise.

Then he whispered in his sinister way, “Come again?”

I repeated myself.

Raiden leaned slightly toward me. “You’re tellin’ me that motherfucker walked right up to my woman in my sister’s fuckin’ place, sat down across from you and gave you a message for me?”

I hesitated due to the rumbling, scary quality of his voice that I had never heard before and the ominous blaze burning in his eyes that I had never seen before, then I leaned in and replied, “Yes.”

He sat back. “Jesus Christ. I’m gonna fuckin’ kill that guy.”

“Dude, what is up?” Rachelle asked, hitting our table right before a beer bottle hit the tabletop.

There it was. Other people felt his vibe.

“Lose yourself, Rache,” Raid ordered.

“Bro, you look tweaked. I—” she began.

Raiden’s head tipped back and he cut his eyes to her.

I wasn’t getting his look, but I still shivered.

“Bottom of my heart, but get the fuck outta here, babe.”

She bit her lip, gave wide eyes to me and wisely skedaddled.

Raiden looked at me and I wished Rachelle was back.

“You see him again, you tell him that he needs to find an alternate conduit for communication with his brother. It is not you. And you finish with telling him if you see him again after that, I will find him, rip his head off and shove it up his ass.”

Cripes!

“Raid—”

“You got that?” he cut me off to ask.

Now was clearly not one of those times to backtalk, so I nodded but sallied forth cautiously, “Yes, sweetheart, I got that, but what’s going on?”

He sucked in breath then grabbed his beer and sucked some back before he put it back on the table and again leaned into me.

“I told you about my buddy Knight having problems. A man named Drake Nair is that problem. Nair keeps fuckin’ with him. First, Nair approached Knight’s woman, Anya, sharin’ some things it was not his to share. That didn’t have the desired effect. Second, Knight has a variety of people under his protection and Nair had some of them hurt. When Knight shut that down, Nair found the guy I’m hunting, who got some of his soldiers to infiltrate some of Knight’s dealings, found some weak links, and by that I mean ex-junkies. He reintroduced them to ice, got them hooked so Knight had to clean that shit out of his business and also expend the effort to get the junkies clean again.”

Holy Moses.

Drake Nair sounded like a world-class jerk.

I wondered what Knight did to inspire this animosity, but I didn’t get a chance to ask. Raiden was still talking.

“Knight is not unaware that Nair was a nuisance that, through demonstrated tenacity, has grown into an enemy who is a genuine threat. Nick is Knight’s brother, and Nick is a wildcard.”

He quit speaking so I finally had the chance to get a question in.

“If he’s Knight’s brother, why doesn’t he just talk to his brother?”

“Nick Sebring was a pain in the ass that got off on ridin’ his brother’s coattails, copious amounts of pussy and cocaine. Nick’s Dad hauled him to Hawaii and supposedly cleaned up his act. He came back to Denver and since then his behavior has been random. Then he dropped off the grid, only to reappear randomly, and in not good ways, with really bad people only to drop straight off again. Although he’s thrown time, energy and money at this question, Knight still has no clue what his brother was up to.”

“Well, obviously Nick has his brother’s back if he goes out of his way to warn him of trouble,” I noted.

“Babe, wildcard,” Raid replied.

“Sorry?” I asked.

“You play with wildcards, you got one in your hand. Golden. Your opponent gets one, you’re fucked.”

“Oh,” I said.

“With the company he’s been keeping, Nick warning his brother does not mean we have him in our hand. Since he’s a wildcard, it could mean anything.”

That made sense, so I said, “Okay.”

“Bottom line, you do not give this guy any time except to tell him what I told you. Once you relay that message, you get the fuck away and call me. If you see him again after that, you just get the fuck away, around people and you call me immediately.”

This sounded like a good plan I was totally down with.

“Okay.”

“Now I need to call Knight. Food comes, start without me.”

Instead of repeating my “okay”, I nodded.

He got up and moved toward the front door.

I took a sip of wine, but paid attention this time to my surroundings and spent a good amount of effort getting my heartbeat to regulate.

Rachelle came out with the food.

“All okay?” she asked.

I gave her a grin I hoped didn’t look fake. “Yep.”

Her eyes narrowed on my grin before, with experience dealing with things Raiden Miller, she wisely let it go and said, “After you eat that, you can build shrines to my brilliance. Enjoy the movies with my brother.”

Then she was off.

I started eating and at the same time creating shrines to her brilliance in my head.

Then Raid came back and started eating.

Without another word about it, we went about our evening as if my brief visit from Nick Sebring didn’t happen.

“More,” Raiden’s gruff voice ordered.

On my knees, booty in the air, face in the bed, I gave him more, surging back as he powered in.

Amazing.

“That’s it. So fuckin’ wild,” he growled.

I whimpered as it started to wash over me and when I reared back to find it, he pulled away.

I was about to protest when he commanded, “Back. Spread.”

I rolled to my back and spread. He bent over me, gathered me in his arms, lifted me up and rammed me down on his cock.

I cried out, my hands going to his lush hair, both of them fisting as his hips thrust up.

“Hold on,” he told me unnecessarily.

We did this a lot. It was always a wild ride.

I knew to hold on.

“Finger to your clit, baby, give it to me,” he demanded.

He was ready and he wanted me to be there with him.

I did what he said, and two seconds later I shoved my face into his neck and sunk my teeth into his skin.

He grunted then groaned, surged up so hard and deep, I nearly bucked off and he came with me.

Half a minute later, he murmured, “Give me the glide, honey.”

I knew what he wanted and started gliding up and down on his cock, my lips and tongue moving over his skin.

“Taste blood?” he asked quietly.

“No,” I whispered into his neck.

“Next time.”

I smiled then slid my lips to under his ear. “Talked to your Mom at the café today.”

“Her pussy’s workin’ my dick and she talks to me about my Mom,” he muttered, I slid down, lifted my head and looked at him, grinning.

“And Rachelle’” I added. “So,” I started conversationally, “no one has ever called you Raiden but me?”

“Raiden is a silly-ass romance novel hero’s name my Mom came up with to torture me,” he replied.

I stifled a giggle and remarked, “And Raid isn’t silly?”

He smiled. “Raid’s a badass’s name.”

He was not wrong.

I brushed my lips against his and mumbled, “I see.”

“Love you, Hanna.”

He said that to me now. Not frequently, but he said it.

But the way he said it right then made my head came up an inch and I glued my eyes to his.

“I love you too, honey,” I whispered.

“Nothin’ ever touches you,” he declared and I knew.

He was still thinking about Nick Sebring.

“I’m okay,” I assured him.

“My work doesn’t touch you.”

“Honey,” I wound my arms and him. “I’m okay.”

“Knight was about as unhappy as I was you were approached. He’s got a woman, she’s his world. He gets where I’m at. You won’t see Nick again.”

I nodded, but my belly fluttered.

I was his world.

He bent his head and kissed my chest before he tipped it back again. “You want me to clean you up or are you feelin’ energetic?”

Since it was just him and me and always would be, plus the fact I was on birth control, we’d discussed it and he’d dispensed with the condoms.

Gratifyingly.

“I’m feeling energetic,” I told him.

“Then climb off, but I’m feeling energetic, too, so we go to bed naked. If I want you in the night, all-access.”

I slid off but I did it shivering.

I started to move, but Raiden brought me back with an arm around my waist so I was pressed to his front. His other hand slid between my legs. Sensitive, my body melted into his, my hands settled on his shoulders, my eyes slid half-shut and my lips parted.

“Fuck me,” he murmured, his beautiful eyes moving over my face. “Just wanted a quick reminder of that sweet pussy, and one look at your face, now I gotta finger fuck it to make you come again.”

He most certainly did.

I started breathing heavily and my fingers clutched his shoulders.

“Face in my neck, hold on and let me give it to you, baby,” he ordered. “And this time, I’m gonna make you mark me.”

His words made my hips twitch. I held on, pressed close and let him give it to me.

In the end, I wasn’t feeling as energetic as I thought, so Raid ended up out of bed to get a washcloth to clean the remnants of him away me.

Then I fell asleep moments after I felt Raiden’s arm move, my eyes drifting open and closed, watching his fingertips move over the skin of his neck then the skin of my lips.

And the last thing I heard before I floated off was his muttered, “Love my wild one.”

The bed moved violently. My eyes flew open, then my body rolled over Raiden’s and I was flying through the air.

I landed on my back on the floor beside the bed with a pained cry as the jolt of landing raced along my spine, radiated over my scalp and along the small of my back.

I blinked, trying to understand what was happening, at the same time concentrating on the thankfully receding pain, when suddenly Raid was kneeling beside me.

“Jesus, fuck, Hanna, fuck. Fuck,” he ended on a snarl as I pushed up to my elbows.

“I’m okay.”

“Move your legs for me,” he ordered.

I pushed up fully and bent my legs, repeating, “Honey, I’m okay.”

A moment of silence slid by before I was cradled in his arms. He picked me up, turned, sat on the side of the bed and held me close, my behind in his lap, his face in my neck.

“Goddamn it,” he muttered there.

“A dream?” I asked.

He didn’t answer, but it was then I noticed his big, strong body was shaking.

I closed my eyes, pressed close and wound my arms around him. “I’m okay. It’s okay. Okay?” I asked stupidly.

“Coulda hurt you,” he said.

“You didn’t.”

“I could have.”

I held tight and stated firmly. “You didn’t.”

“Fuck,” he clipped and his arms went tight around me too.

He went silent and I just held on for a while, then I moved my hand and sifted my fingers through his thick, silky hair before curling it around the back of his neck.

His body stopped shaking, but he didn’t let me go, so I returned the favor.

Then he lifted his head and I tipped mine back to look at him.

“Goin’ to the guest room, honey. I’ll sleep there until I get a lock on these dreams,” he declared.

At his words, I automatically put a lock on him, one arm going tight, the other one sliding into his hair and fisting.

“Sorry?” I asked.

“We fuck, we kiss, I’ll leave you safe in here, sleep in the other room ‘til I’m good, know I got them under control, then I’ll come back,” he replied.

My back shot straight and my lips, rough and commanding, stated, “No. You. Will. Not.”

I felt his body jolt around me.

“Hanna—”

“They do not get to take you away from me,” I snapped, and at that I felt his frame string tight.

I didn’t care.

I moved my hands to either side of his head and brought my face close.

“They tore huge chunks of you away and they can have those. I can’t get those back, but they are not taking the you that’s mine away from me.”

“Babe—”

“No,” I bit off. “I waited for you for almost a lifetime. I’m not going to get you and have any of the good parts torn away, like you sleeping somewhere else. I like sleeping with you. I feel safe with you beside me. I wake up happy. They don’t get to take that from me, and further, they don’t get it from you.”

He gave me a light shake. “Babe, tonight, no clue what I was doin’, I threw you across the room.”

“Throw me out the window, I don’t care. Just don’t make me sleep without you.”

His arms convulsed and his voice was hoarse when Raiden began, “Love that, baby, but—”

I cut him off. “Not to throw your words in your face but did your buddies die so you can sleep without your woman?”

He went completely still.

I didn’t give up.

“Talk to one of the guys,” I ordered.

“Babe—”

I pressed my hands into his head. “Raid. Talk. To. One. Of. The. Guys.” I didn’t give him a chance to respond. I took my hands from his head, slapped them on his chest and cried, “God! Don’t you think the same thing is happening to them that’s happening to you? So much testosterone, sucking it up and not wanting to appear weak. Don’t you think that they’re waiting for the strongest one of you to step up, get it out and give them that outlet so you can all find ways to move the heck on?”

I stopped talking and braced for his reaction, which could be anything, but was stunned with what I got.

His head dropped forward so his forehead rested on my shoulder. He turned it, tipped his chin, and, lips at my ear, whispered, “Hal was with me. Hal was… I’ll talk to Hal.”

I had no clue who Hal was. I just knew I was thanking God the unknown Hal existed and my man trusted him enough to talk to him about this.

I also closed my eyes and clutched him to me.

“Thank you,” I breathed.

“And I’ll sleep here. With you.”

I clutched him closer and repeated my relieved, “Thank you.”

His head came up and he caught my eyes in the dark. “You got that, honey. But you got it understanding right now we make a deal that if that happens again, no matter how it happens, I hurt you, I almost hurt you, we’re done and I move to the other room until I get a lock on it.”

“Raid—”

“No, babe, that’s your compromise and as far as I’m willin’ to go. I love you’d take the risk. I love you don’t want to lose me. But see it from my perspective. If I actually hurt you, I’d have to live with that. Don’t make me.”

I got that, and while I didn’t like it, I got it, so I’d give it to him.

“Okay. I won’t make you.”

“Thank you.”

Even though I didn’t like giving him what I had to give him, I was glad I gave it to him because his thank you was so darn sweet.

I pulled in a deep breath, let it go, moved into him and cuddled close.

Raiden held me for a good long while then he shifted us so we were in bed, him on his back me tucked to his side.

His hand sifted through my hair then his arm stopped and curved round me.

It didn’t go slack.

He didn’t go to sleep.

Neither did I.

He was torturing himself because of what he did to me, and maybe scared of hurting me through another dream.

I was heartbroken he was sleepless for these reason.

Dawn touched the sky, and finally his arm went slack.

I finally allowed myself to drift to sleep.