Rain

7

The walk back from Shin-shizuoka was lonely and a little cold. I wondered if I should’ve let Jun drive me the whole way, but it just felt too weird. Sure, he was acting nice now, but I couldn’t turn my back on what had happened. And anyway, I felt off-balance about the “secret” we were sharing. Where exactly was the boundary with him?

I felt my keitai buzz in my book bag, so I pulled it out and checked. Two missed texts and a missed call from Tomohiro. I hit Redial right away, like I had something to prove, like I hadn’t been sneaking around doing the opposite of what he’d asked me to.

The tinny ring echoed in my ear for a minute before Tomo picked up.

“Moshi mooooosh,” he answered with a drone.

“Hey, goofball,” I said in English.

“Huh?”

“Never mind,” I said, switching to Japanese. “What’s up?”

“So...you know how I’m a jerk and an idiot all the time?”

I smiled. “Yep.”

“Oi,” he said. “You could at least pretend to refute it.”

“Sorry. I meant, you’re never a jerk.”

He gave an awkward laugh. “Okay, the thing is, I screwed up again. What I said at Nihondaira... I’m glad you stayed in Japan. I’m just...”

“Scared?” I suggested. He didn’t answer, but I wasn’t surprised. He wouldn’t want to admit it. Pride, like Yuki had said. “I’m scared, too, Tomo. When you collapsed at Nihondaira, when I saw that look in your eyes again... I just don’t want to see you lose yourself to the Kami, you know?”

“I know. I have to stay in control.”

“Right. So if you ever need me to back off, fine. It’s better than turning into some kind of unleashed monster, right?”

Silence.

Shit. I’d overdone it.

“Tomo, I didn’t mean it like—”

“It’s okay,” he said. “I am a monster, Katie. But I’m tired of running.”

“Well, maybe soon you won’t have to,” I said. He started to answer, but his voice cut out. “What happened?”

He sighed. “Shiori’s calling me on the other line.”

The jealousy twinged in me. I couldn’t help it. “It’s fine. Just answer her.”

“No,” he said. “I want to talk to you, Katie.”

I smiled. I felt guilty for being happy about it, but I was. I couldn’t lie. “It’s just that...what if she’s in trouble?”

By now I’d reached my mansion, so I walked through the automatic doors into the warm lobby. “I gotta go anyway. I’m late for dinner. Just answer it.”

“You sure?”

I couldn’t let Shiori rattle me. I couldn’t trust her, but I could trust Tomo. I knew that. “Sure.”

“Okay,” he said. “I’ll see you at kendo practice tomorrow.” The phone went silent, and I tried to think about other things.

I rode the elevator up, thinking how much control Jun had had over his sketch. Tomohiro could have that, too. I knew it. And I could help him.

I stared at my hands, flipping them back and forth. There was ink running in my veins. There always had been.

“Tadaima,” I called out, opening our front door. I tapped my school shoes off and stepped up onto the raised floor of the hallway.

“Katie,” Diane shouted from the kitchen. “You’re late.”

“Sorry,” I said. “Stayed after school to hang out.” I could hear something frying, my nose flooding with the delicious smell of rice and egg as I walked toward the stove.

“Lucky for you I left school late, too,” she said, a spatula in hand. “Dinner’s just ready.” There was a pot of fried rice mixed with enoki mushrooms and chicken, all glistening in a tomato sauce, and an omelet sizzled in the frying pan.

“Omurice?” I said.

Diane grinned. “Your favorite, right?”

“Thanks,” I said. I was so glad I could keep living with Diane. She always noticed the little things that mattered. I watched her spoon the rice into the center of the omelet, wrapping the sides of the egg around the filling.

I opened the cupboard and grabbed a plate for her.

“Since you’re home just in time, you get the first one,” she said, taking the plate from me. In a quick motion she flipped the filled omelet upside down and onto the plate. It came out only slightly unshaped, so I grabbed a napkin and pinched the ends together.

“When did you suddenly become interested in cooking?” Diane joked, watching my handiwork. She cracked another egg into the empty frying pan.

“Tomohiro cooks,” I said. And I didn’t want to let him down as his girlfriend, but I felt silly saying it out loud.

“You’re pretty serious, huh?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. It still felt awkward to talk to her about it, but I was trying to be a little more honest. There was so much of my life I couldn’t share with her—the Kami, the Yakuza, the ink—it made me want to share what I could.

The ink.

“Diane,” I said suddenly.

She looked at me, noticing the urgency in my voice. “Everything okay?”

Tone it down, Katie. Casual is what we’re going for.

“Fine,” I said, taking my plate to the table and pulling out a chair. I grabbed the ketchup bottle and started writing kanji on my omurice. Why stop practicing?

Diane flipped her filled omelet and sat across from me, taking the ketchup bottle and drawing a smiley face on top of hers.

“We’re doing a unit in biology,” I said, feeling guilty for lying yet again. “About, you know, how foods affect the body and all that.”

“Oh, a nutrition unit?” She dug a hole in her omelet and the steaming rice spilled onto the plate.

“Kind of,” I said. “Like, how if you’re pregnant, you shouldn’t eat soft cheeses, stuff like that.”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“So,” I said, poking the omurice with my spoon, “I guess I was wondering if Mom did that kind of stuff with me. I mean, avoiding dangerous foods and all that.”

“I guess,” said Diane. “I don’t really know about that stuff much, Katie. I never had kids, you know.”

“Yeah,” I said. Shoot. I had to find another way to get at the question. “So I guess Mom’s pregnancy with me was pretty typical, huh?”

Diane’s face went pale. Her spoon stopped digging into the omelet. I’d hit on something.

“What is it?”

“Well...truth be told, Katie, she almost lost you.”

“What?” I thought Jun had said the ink wasn’t dangerous to ingest. Had it been that bad?

“She got really ill about four months in. She was in the hospital, hooked up to machines and IVs... It was awful. They were monitoring your heartbeat constantly.”

“Holy crap,” I said. “Why didn’t anyone ever tell me this?”

“She didn’t like to talk about it,” Diane said. “She never told you?”

I shook my head.

“She couldn’t keep food down for almost two weeks. We thought she was fading. But she pulled through, and that was that.”

“Wow,” I said. “That’s scary.”

Diane gave me a sad smile. “But you both came through it badly beat up. The doctors said there’d be side effects. Um...you know, birth defects.”

“Defects?”

“They said you’d have brain damage, that you’d never be able to walk. That you might not be able to see or communicate.” I could barely hear her; my world had stopped. Diane reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “But don’t worry about any of that now,” she said. “When you were born, you came out just fine. You were young enough at four months that your brain just kept growing, and here you are, just fine.”

Not completely, I thought. I’m not fine at all.

“It’s why your mom was always clinging to you,” Diane said. “Why she never wanted you to leave her side.”

“Because I almost left her before I was born,” I said. The tears welled up in my eyes. I hadn’t even known I’d fought for my life. The ink had tried to kill me long before any of this. “I always thought it was because Dad left...that she was worried I’d leave, too.”

One look at Diane, and I knew. I just knew. My heart thudded in my ears.

“Oh god,” I whispered. “Dad left her because of that, didn’t he? Because there was something wrong with me?”

Diane’s eyes filled with tears. “He was a sorry excuse for a man,” she said, her voice wavering. “You’re better off without him, Katie. We always loved you just the same, no matter what.”

The omurice turned in my stomach. Everything made sense, as horrible as it was. Everything except one detail.

“How did Mom get sick?” I asked.

Diane frowned. “We were never sure where she got the food poisoning,” she said. “We think it was the fruit your dad brought back from a business trip to Tokyo.”

Oh shit. “He went to Tokyo?” I whispered.

“He brought back these wrapped dragon fruits. You’ve probably seen them at the supa when we go shopping. Pink and green on the outside, but inside white with these little black seeds. The one she ate was really dark purple on the outside. Must have gone bad. The lab tested the other fruit and they came back fine, though, so we don’t know for certain.”

Black-and-white fruit. Oh god. Mom ate a dragon fruit sketched by a Kami. Who knew how it had got into the box. Maybe a worker had sketched the fruit because he’d swiped one to eat. Maybe...maybe Dad had poisoned her on purpose. But that was dumb. I was pissed he would leave her because something was wrong with me. What the hell? But still, something twisted in my stomach. In a way it was all my fault—Mom’s fear of losing me, all the overly careful parenting she’d done. All the loneliness she’d endured.

It was Dad’s fault, but now I felt responsible, too, even though I hadn’t asked for any of it to happen.

“Oh, Katie,” Diane said. “Did I tell you too much?”

“No,” I said. “No, I wanted to know.” I’d needed to know. “Thank you. For being honest with me.”

“That all happened a long time ago,” Diane said. “So never mind, okay? Look how strong and healthy you turned out. Nothing’s going to hold you back now.”

She was wrong. I was still suffering from the ink. I was still marked like I had been before I was born.

I was always destined for this. And like Tomohiro, the ink in me had been bringing sadness to those around me before I’d even known.

Yuki met me in the library at lunchtime the next day to go over my latest list of kanji. Tanaka had suddenly decided he needed to try out for the baseball team after watching the Giants game on TV the night before, so he’d gone to beg the club to take him halfway through the year.

“Okay, and this one?” Yuki said, pointing at the kanji from yesterday’s study session.

I racked my brain. “Um...guilt?”

She shook her head. “That one is guilt.” She pointed. “This one is to—”

“To put down,” I blurted out. “I remember.”

“Are we going too fast?”

I sliced my stewed egg in half with my chopsticks and shoveled a piece into my mouth. The salty soy sauce melted on my tongue. “I have to,” I said. “I don’t have time to learn these slowly. Anyway, that’s the only one I didn’t remember. Well, and this one, and this one...”

“Katie,” Yuki said, reaching for her salmon onigiri, “you’re really distracted today. Is everything okay with you and Tomohiro?”

I flushed red. “What? Why?”

Yuki grinned. “Because you’re not spilling the details, and if there’s drama going on, I need to know.”

“It’s not about Tomo,” I said, taking another bite of the egg. “It’s something I learned about my mom. She was really sick when she had me, Yuki-chan. I almost died.”

“Uso,” Yuki said in disbelief. “You’re kidding. But I’m glad you’re here, Katie, that you’re in Japan with me.”

“Me, too,” I smiled. And then I wondered if maybe I wasn’t supposed to die from that ink. Maybe I was supposed to survive, to move to Japan. Maybe there was actually purpose behind it all.

“So everything’s okay with Tomo, then?”

“It’s great,” I said. Except the whole me-lying-to-meet-up-with-another-guy thing, but obviously it wasn’t how it sounded.

“Good,” Yuki said. “Then let’s keep working on kanji so you can stay. Let’s work on myoji. Can you write my name?”

In phonetic hiragana I could. But myoji, the kanji for names...

I concentrated and wrote.

“That’s it!” Yuki squealed. She erased one of my strokes and fixed it up a little. “This one needs to be longer than this one,” she said, and I nodded. “Okay. Write another name.”

Yuu Tomohiro.

“Oh please,” Yuki said, jabbing me with her elbow. “Spare me. You guys are sappy beyond belief.”

I missed our time in Toro Iseki. I wished things didn’t feel like they were slipping between my fingers.

I only had to put the chairs on the desks for cleanup, so I arrived early to the gym for Kendo Club. Today was the last practice before the prefecture tournament over the weekend. I headed into the change room and pulled on my hakama skirt. Today’s practice was all about Tomohiro, really. With Ishikawa out and only a couple of our junior kendouka participating, he was the only one who had the skill to advance for Suntaba at the tournament. It would be such a relief to have it behind us. I wondered if the police were still hounding Ishikawa and Jun. I’d have to ask Jun the next time we met up.

The next time. How many times would we meet up? But the control he’d had drawing that glass of water—I wanted that for Tomohiro. Jun could live a normal life. Maybe Tomo could, too.

We started the class with the usual push-ups and laps around the gym. Many in the class hadn’t bothered to suit up in full bogu armor, but Nakamura-sensei and Watanabe-sensei didn’t notice, or at least didn’t care. They hounded Tomohiro, shouting at him to go faster as he did his laps.

“Pick up your feet!” they shouted during his kiri-kaeshi movements. “You’re stuck to the floor, Yuu. Lighter!” It was brutal, like they were hazing him.

“Ossu!” Tomohiro shouted to show he was listening, conforming.

“Swing harder. Focus! Better aim. Again!”

“Ossu!” he yelled back. The sweat was dripping off the ends of his tenugui headband onto the floor.

“Not good enough! More!” What the hell were they talking about? He was in peak form. It was almost cruel. They were pushing him to his limits, screaming at him, and he took it, time after time.

I realized I was staring, so I went back to my exercises.

“I’ve never seen them work him so hard,” I whispered to my partner.

She nodded behind the mesh screen of her men helmet. “The competition is going to be really tough.”

“Okay, together!” Nakamura-sensei shouted, and all the kendouka gathered. We sat in a circle except for Tomohiro, who stood in the center, his body shaking with every breath. “Kamenashi, you’re up,” Coach said, and the kendouka stood to spar with Tomohiro. But Kamenashi was beaten down easily, even though he was high level.

Nakamura called another kendouka and then another. These two were a difficult match, and I started to realize what he was doing. Each team member he called had a different strength. Kamenashi was quick on his feet; Matsumoto had incredible defense; Hasegawa was aggressive and powerful. In this way, the coaches were training each aspect of Tomohiro’s abilities and looking for weaknesses.

“One more, and then we’re done for the day,” Watanabe-sensei said. “Katie, you’re up.”

What? I was still a junior kendouka. Tomo could beat me easily, way more easily than he’d beaten each of the partners I’d watched. Even with his body swaying, exhausted, the copper spikes sticking out from under his headband flattened with sweat, it wouldn’t be a challenge to him.

He looked at me through the bars of the men, his soft eyes looking into mine. And I realized why we’d been paired.

He’d trained on speed, defense, offense, power, aggression. There was one thing left. How would he fare when the battle was emotional? Pit him against his girlfriend—would he make mistakes, let down his guard? Smart thinking from the coaches, but did it ever suck for us.

“Get into seiza. Ready?”

I pulled myself from the circle, feeling numb. I crouched into seiza stance, my shinai gripped tightly in my hands.

“Hai, staato,” yelled Watanabe, and Tomo and I started circling. My thoughts were racing. Tomohiro looked collected and calm, but I hadn’t had his training. I yelled a loud kiai to steady myself, but it was hard to focus. He looked ready to collapse, and even then he was dangerous.

He swung, totally unexpected, and I barely dodged it by leaping back.

“Faster footwork, Tomohiro,” said Nakamura-sensei.

Tomo screamed, “Ossu!” His voice was strained. What were they trying to do, make him collapse?

I lunged at Tomohiro, but he blocked my shinai with his own. The crack of wood on wood echoed to the rafters of the gym, and the vibration shook in my hands. I barely recovered in time to dodge his next attack.

But I didn’t make it, and the shinai tapped into my dou.

“Point!” shouted Watanabe.

One more hit and we could stop this. One more point and he could rest. I wanted to just give in, to let him win. But it would be too obvious and he was the one who’d get in trouble. So I kept fighting.

He swiped at me and I backed up, almost into the circle of kendouka. I had to get back into the center of the arena or I’d end up out of bounds. I circled away, avoiding him. The shouts and encouragement of our classmates around us were disorienting paired with the stifling heat of the armor.

I circled Tomohiro, watching him carefully. And then he lunged, yelling his kiai as he approached.

Only that didn’t sound like his voice at all. It sounded strange, warped, like many people shouting at once. The same kind of shout I’d heard when we’d fought Jun at Sunpu Castle.

He hit his shinai so hard against mine that I collapsed onto the ground, my shinai skidding across the sleek floor. My whole back was out of bounds of the circle. He’d basically won.

But he didn’t stop. He raised his shinai high above his head as he screamed.

Why isn’t he stopping? Attacking me now was like beating someone with a broomstick. I would get injured for sure, with my spine against the hard floor like this.

“Yamero!” ordered Watanabe sharply as he and Nakamura approached Tomohiro. “Stop!”

They weren’t going to make it in time. The shinai was going to hit first.

I looked up at Tomohiro, my hands instinctively up to protect myself. His eyes shone dark and angry behind the men.

Dark angry pools of ink, vacant, lost.

He’d lost himself. And he was going to attack me.

He cried out, swinging the shinai down.

I cringed, waiting for impact. I could try to roll away, but I knew I wouldn’t be fast enough.

“Yuuto!” came a loud shout from the side of the gym.

Tomo stopped, the shinai a foot above my hip as I rolled out of the way. The shinai clattered against the floor as Tomohiro grabbed his helmet to steady himself.

I could see a shock of white hair from the doorway. Ishikawa. It had to be.

“What the hell were you thinking?” snapped Nakamura. Tomohiro was lifting the helmet off his head, his eyes normal and completely disoriented.

“You could’ve seriously hurt her!” said Watanabe. He reached up and smacked Tomohiro hard on the back of the head. I stared, terrified.

Tomohiro dropped to his knees, his armor clattering against the ground.

“Sumanakatta!” he shouted, a pretty serious apology. His shaking fingers clawed at the floor as he bent over, bowing low to the coaches and me. But it was a cover, I could see that. He’d collapsed to his knees from exhaustion and was turning it into the most serious apology he could make.

“Greene, you okay?” Ishikawa was beside me now, offering a hand to help me up. It was so weird to have Tomohiro as the danger and Ishikawa as the one to help, but I was too shaken to protest. I took his hand and got to my feet, lifting the men off my head.

The kendouka circle was silent, horrified.

“Dismissed!” said Nakamura, and they scattered to the change rooms. “To attack a kendouka like that is unacceptable, Yuu. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Look at him,” Ishikawa said. “He’s exhausted, Coach. He’s as slick as a fish with all that sweat. He was probably delirious or something.”

“You,” said Watanabe, narrowing his eyes, and he pointed at Ishikawa. “You’re not even supposed to be here. You’re suspended from kendo until the police investigation is complete.”

Ishikawa was silent. It was a huge risk for him to come.

“I just wanted to cheer Yuuto on,” he said quietly.

“Go home,” Nakamura said. “We have enough trouble to deal with right now.”

“He’s right, though,” Watanabe added. “Yuu’s exhausted; he has better discipline than that. Katie, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I tried to say, but it came out shaky.

Tomohiro heaved the breath into his lungs, looking at me with what looked like tears in his eyes. He looked terrified as he reached a hand up to pull the headband from his hair.

“Sumanakatta,” he said again quietly.

I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t want to believe it. He was losing to the ink, and it had tried to hurt me.

The Kami in him was taking over.